 Yeah, my camera, I am the worst youtuber ever because I never get my ish together as far as my settings Y'all see me fumbling around with my damn lights and stuff Chow, I don't know how I got 25,000 subscribers is ratchet. It's my videos be but um Appointments is that the quality of my videos are better is because I went ahead and set the ISO better Not the ISO girl. Whatever the hell you call this thing I remember when what's your name says when tiara when tiara began came over. She's another youtuber. She also works for NPR she Had all her stuff set up. She had her cameras. She was when test runs She was doing what you supposed to do because we did a collab video over here in my house She was doing everything you supposed to do before you start recording and I'm looking at her like I'm not got my stuff is up. She's like, you don't need to test. I said no, I don't need That's probably what's wrong with my ass. I didn't I don't test anything. I just turn it on here. We go Anyway, y'all it's so funny even doing that video that just reminded me JV It will get to how I've been feeling and why I haven't posted a blog in like almost two and a half weeks um JV is a very good kid We're still struggling like I think a lot of parents at this age with his ass not listening Because he's getting some independence and he wants to do what he wants to do, but I snatch him up. Okay, so He's really good when it comes to saying things like so I don't like young age There's certain words that I told him, you know, you need to watch what you say like He thought that stupid was a bad word up until four or five years old because I didn't want him using that word You see what I mean, so Yes today He was saying titties. I said JV I Said JV cuz you know, you hear me say it every now and then, you know, I said JV titties It's not a good word. It's not a bad word. It's not a curse word per se But it's not a good word. He starts laughing. He could not stop laughing y'all He's like, but it sounds so funny as it does. It does sound like I said actually it is funny, but Don't use that sweetheart. So he was like, okay mama. And so he was basically what did he say? Oh Oh, he said oh, but it's so similar to teddy bears. So can I just say teddy bears? I said you can say teddy bears. You don't have to say titties But doing our video with the collab with tiara van The other youtuber I slipped up and said titties. Y'all know me and my videos. I have no filter Y'all have no idea how much I actually filled you out of my videos. So She was like, oh no, we gotta take that out. We'll have to take that out. I said, you don't say titties in your video She's very very professional Um, so y'all allergies are crazy Well, look at that skin. I think in my next chit chat video I'm going to do my skin routine and show y'all the um The products I've been using allergies are crazy Um, let me back up. Let me back up. It's friday. It's friday And I'm ready to swing It is june 10th. Happy june 10th. Y'all black ass has been out and be straight on june 10th either y'all We ain't going to talk about this whole corona virus But the numbers are going up in texas, arizona, california like 19 states My husband is coming home later and later He usually comes home girl. I clocked him. Oh, yes, my body knows when he's he's supposed to be home So he's typically home between 10 on four and 10 on eight, right? His ass hasn't been coming home till 30 minutes after that So, yeah, so Hayes, I get so busy. It's really busy. They've gone into an emergency plan like a lot of hospitals have And it's just so frustrating because when you When you are busier, this is what I assume. I don't know I used to work in the hospital years ago as a medical transcriber so but I never had to do anything like this So I would assume As a nurse or anyone who works in the hospital, let me know the busier you are in the hospital The more likely you are to make mistakes, which you really can't do in this pandemic right now, right? So I'm praying for y'all. It is a lot. It is a lot. So I have been just Even more y'all I told y'all was trained in the last video The last vlog is even worse now. I am so tired it's not a tiredness that can That sleep can correct It is a mental exhaustion I just want this year To get better and I know a lot of people are feeling that way But what I'm also feeling is that we are far from over it is far from over And I feel like there's something in the atmosphere. There's a change that's gonna come But unfortunately there's gonna have to be Some hurt with that change and I'm not saying that it's something I'm gonna be going through I just feel like collectively This is what some of us are going to be going through And so I've been praying Not as much as I should be I'm a type of yeah, I'm a type of person. I neglect myself and prayers that is so um That's that's you know, it's important to pray for yourself. So I put everyone else Before me I would pray for my enemies before I pray for myself um So really taking the time to reflect and pray for myself praying for patience my patience has gotten so much better um Yeah, y'all I just I'm really trying to stay off of social media But sometimes you get sucked into it because My facebook is one of the ways that I can I keep in contact with my 200 ranch ass cunts cousins or whatever, you know um so It's just a lot going on and I feel like this quarantine life Some of us are still practicing corn, you know, we're still self-oscillating which I am but I feel like People who've had issues before it's gotten worse meaning family issues marital issues Whatever you have going on your household It would even it would either make it worse in this instance or make it better and unfortunately y'all it is Besides the coronavirus deaths There is so much depth going on. Yeah, I just logged on the msn I found out that the man that played bill ball baggins played I'm a lord of the rings fan. So the actor who played bill ball baggins is he passed away. He was 88 But there's so many people that have passed away It seems like like I said in addition to the coronavirus it seems like any depth that I hear about it's like It makes me sad. Like it's somebody I know personally One of the writers for this is us 39 years old african-american woman At least she committed suicide Um And I'm gonna speak on this a little bit more on my chit chat I'll probably try to film a chit chat today or tomorrow. We'll get to working on this other stuff um Yeah, I'm all over the place. I do apologize so a youtube family Called the meyers effect. I just found out that they're all dead The father apparently the husband he's supported the vlog too the channel the youtube channel They're called the meyers effect my ers and I'll get into this Like I said in the chit chat. He apparently shot the wife Shot the mother-in-law shot another person and killed himself y'all And it looked like they hadn't posted they weren't active on their youtube channel. They their last video was a year ago but It's just sad Some people marriages and we've already heard about this some people marriages are coming to an end I'm telling you living close together having to stay home and not really venture out It's gonna break some people. It's gonna break some relationships and that's just sad um We are doing good Look, we're we're my relationship not that y'all need to know but we are doing good, baby I've been with my husband longer than ever not to say that you know, it can't happen to people who've been together longer but what I found that Hmm It gets hard It's something about that between seven and nine years between the seven and nine It's rough the first three years, but that's been turned stuff that you can get over after a week I shouldn't say that I shouldn't put that lightly You start to really That three four or five year mark. You're knowing each other You know in personalities. Oh there's stuff. I still learned about my husband to today But you still learning about that person so a little if you're young Mentally immature If something takes you off. Yes marriages can end three or four three or four years. You're done But by seven years, you know this person But for some people they're tired. They don't want to work it out um And so it's just something about between seven and nine years where it's like i'm done You didn't then you don't want to try but then I feel like after 15 years you're like girl week week After 15 years you're like whatever Nothing phases me down Unless it's something that happens because I I know people who have gotten divorces after 20 years because it was something traumatic that happened And it was it for them Girl doing my makeup Said Hey y'all. Hey y'all. Look now my battery light is flashing. You know what I'm so over it y'all I'm gonna keep talking to the damn thing turns off I'm at the store. I'm here to do my pickup Um, oh, I'm gonna go in real quick and get jay b some vanilla milk And then I'm gonna park over here and call them to do my pickup I don't go in the grocery store that much anymore My husband was laughing at me the other day because I actually did a pickup for Two items. It was like you only got one item. I said I got two items. I'm not going to the store. Okay Phoenix, Arizona is off the chain. We got people up here refusing to worry massive But now you have the world Like they made it as a 6 a.m. I think I told y'all I came on camera tell told y'all but look y'all I just I'ma load up this vlog. I guess in a couple more days. I have not felt like coming on in here Not only have I been physically not feeling well Um allergies are out of control jb now has hives yet again His allergy appointment is not for another three or four weeks I was able to move one of my appointments up tomorrow. Thank god How you deal with things mentally Uh, also affects your your health too. So I'm trying to stay positive and optimistic But with everything that's going on I am over it when I tell you that I I don't think I'm depressed And I'm not having anxiety because I know what my anxiety feels like I'm not having anxiety I'm just drained and I'm overwhelmed And you know one thing I want to say real quick. I know my camera may come off Everyone pitched in with the george floor, you know, all the companies amazon Netflix, you know, all these companies Donated money and you know, we care about our black associates, but this is my thing and I I appreciate that. I know plenty of black people appreciate that, but this is the thing. We're a black 24 seven We're a black all year round. So what are you doing? What do you do? Do you have any type of? um Programs in place for your black associates. Do you know what I mean y'all? So I I'm I think it's great that a lot of these companies Stood up and spoke up when the time was right well overdue, but my point is is that You know, even outside of black history month, which is made way back in february My point is is that we need to feel this support Yearly and it's not that we want to feel special. We just want to be equal And so, you know me I had a kind of an attitude over there because I'm seeing it die down You know, all the hoopa lafa over dying down. It is what it is I'm just I don't know y'all. So I did request a day off Next Friday because I think I need to take some time off I need to do some some much needed relaxing because we've been busy at work um I've been trying to make sure I get at least six to seven hours of sleep jb woke up at 3am because he had He was all itchy scratching. Honestly, I've been breaking out too. I have a bump here So I don't know if it's stuff in indoors. I'm sorry stuff outdoors. We haven't gone outdoors At least every day. We may have to stop that for a while um Because then speaking to the doctor's office his allergies the allergies was saying the reason why we can't I think our His appointment is not even to the end of july. She's like it's so busy right now It's allergy season and a lot of people have issues and so that particular doctor is booked Like I said my doctor he's not an allergist, but my doctor was booked until august end of august But the woman called me yesterday. She's like, I can get you in Tomorrow morning at nine. I'm like cool. I'll you know, I'll make it downtown Phoenix I'll make it any anyway. So y'all that's what's going on. I'm gonna go ahead and wrap it up before this thing shuts off I don't want to be I always say this I don't want my channel to be that negative and down, but this is what I'm going I'm selling this you're selling that too. So jay v has opened up a k mort. I I printed out these signs for him So this is where you check out. Come on in. We're open. All right. Let's see what you got to sell here Is that my old laptop? Yeah, you know what? Is this where where you check out? It's where I check out. Okay. Show me what you got here So all these clothes All these clothes. Okay. You got your clothes signed up Are you selling my statues my black family statues or for sale? And and like we have these watches watches over here. Oh, wow The cassettes, okay Yeah, good call on the watch yourself sign. Yeah, we don't want them to trip over here. I love your store jay v You're selling my other statues. Okay. Good morning. Good morning. Good morning, everyone I'm whispering because it is early in the morning. It is thursday We're at the end of no, we're in mid june um I am up this morning. First of all, I slept really good last night. I finally slept y'all yesterday I'm getting broken sleep I'm sleeping two hours here two hours there one hour and that is not good for you But last night I slept seven and a half seven and a half hours straight Is that right seven and a half hours straight which I haven't done that in weeks. Okay, so I saw a new doctor yesterday. This is the most thorough doctor I have ever went to um He spoke to me for about an hour And then when I mean like he was very thorough, he went over I've never seen someone go over every supplement. He was like, okay, what are you taking elderberries used for? How is that working for you? Okay. What are you taking this for how is it working? You know what I mean just going through everything and making sure That you know, it's working for me and how does it make me feel? um and so Early in the vlog. I heard me state that um I just have oh, maybe I didn't I just haven't been feeling well. I've been feeling run down this past weekend I my husband was off friday, so I cooked I Picked up up some drinks. I was already tired when I did that. I should have never done that I was already extremely tired, but I pushed myself which I have to stop doing. I'm not 23 anymore So I did it anyway With the heat and everything and still not sleeping that well Saturday Sunday, I was out meaning that I couldn't do anything extremely fatigue So anyway, this talk through let me just summarize that summarize it up. Y'all the doctors basically like basically like your lack of sleep You're not sleeping combined with the heat combined with the anxiety He's like you may not feel like you have your anxious, but you're anxious Um, so he's like if you don't get any sleep, I'm gonna put you on something to make you sleep So last night I wind down I need to stop y'all basically I I'm a type of person that I'm always on the go. I've always had this type of mentality that I feel like I'm not productive if I'm not doing This way I have to do y'all we're on our way to say in and out look I try not to venture out even though I'm gonna hold my rope up with this stuff in the trash All this then gone junk mail give me that too You You keep that wash y'all and JB you are out of control The first time he's been out What is this for? This is not a bill Yeah, it's it's irking me that I can't clean my car like I could typically What what what what See what I mean, I vacuum out my car every week. I haven't been doing it. I vacuumed out my car twice Since this Yeah Child, what are you trying to drive?