 Lot of people don't have male or female reproductive organs. So like don't be weird about it. I wouldn't even hide it anymore You're just like a candle down there We on man Yes, we are welcome to episode number four of the Marty and Michael podcast. It's fully actual It's actually full and holy shit. Yeah, we're back again and Fucking hell with when you while you're listening to this Our first episode of our series came out yesterday where we box Anthony Mundine Right, so fucking if you haven't watched that quickly go and have a fucking squeeze now, right? Cuz fuck me it's good and we put a lot of effort into this series So if you'd comment on there on Facebook or on YouTube or something on the Marty and Michael channels that'd be great Maybe even share it. Oh, that would be even so tops, man if you could do that and Now we still haven't finished we've got five episodes in the bank and yesterday We filmed the rugby league episode and fuck me Saw today. Hey with Jordan Kahoo. He's a fucking New Zealand rugby league player and man He's he's not the biggest guy, but he's fast and boy, can he hit hard. I remember. Yeah I didn't do it because my ribs broken. Yeah, so Marty had to cop this one. So that's gonna that's another episode coming out now We've only got five left to film so we're halfway there and we've got most of the shit ones out of the way So we're pretty chuffed about that next week though. We've got to go to the nitro circus boys And they've got a mega ramp. Yeah, that's where you get tackled fair enough You might break a bone like I fuck this up though. You're dead or paralyzed. Oh Even worse as long as you hit the ramp properly you should be able to land on the deflatable fucking Inflatable thing can't even write a skateboard and we're doing this. He's so fucked what we're gonna You will probably get Julian to be our test dummy. Yeah, just just see if it's safe or not Like obviously we're not gonna risk like our lives So we'll just throw Julian in first make sure it's doable and then yeah If he dies, we won't do it if he lives, I'll have a crack Well, if he lives and like doesn't get hurt then I'll I'll do it But if he gets hurt in any way, I'm done. Yeah, I'm done with that episode. What was the last time you guys rode a push-bike? Yeah, I don't remember. Oh, probably America so like five years. Yeah, no American L.A Do we all we hide bikes there too that time? I was talking about you go down on push-butt You go you drive around the Dennis beach I mean down the ramp though. We go down the ramp. No, we're gonna go on a track apparently That's the easiest thing to go down a little fucking three-wheeler But anyway, it's it's been scary. Okay I've got a broken rib Marty's What's happened to you? I've had hard palpitations. Yeah, that started up lately for him from the blunt force trauma Oh, man, but we're getting it. We're halfway there We've got most the hard ones done first So, yeah got fucking keep an eye out guys It's gonna be yeah, we put a lot of effort into this series So fucking keep an eye out for our we got ten episodes over the next ten weeks coming out fucking L Let's just get our fucking sponsor out of the fucking way, right? Which is us we sponsored ourselves don't we the University of Markle where we put weekly fucking vlogs They're like 20 minutes long you get behind the scenes of all the content we post to social media You get to have monthly Q&A's with us where we go live and you can talk to us It's just there's a lot of cool shit going on and it's fuck everyone's loving the vlogs and Yeah, fucking if you want to support us anyway, you fucking jump on you get free you get 21 days free trial Link in the description So you can see if you like the content and if you don't like it you can leave and people always ask How do I support you and there are so many cool people in our university group already that are like I don't care I just want to fucking support you guys. I'm forever gonna be a member. There's a member in the group who's Message Dustin was like I'm gonna get a tattoo of your logo on me and we said fuck. Yeah, so it's just fucking legend She's like a beautiful little community like a cult. Yeah a real fucked up. Like a religion. It's a really fucked up religion Yeah, is it true that two people met each other through yeah two people. We people fucking cupids, dude And Matthew speaking of the University of Markle I'm sure you've signed up by now Some fucking friend So shit you are you are a fucking scum cunt Now if you can't afford the 10 I was it fucking pull your show shit fucking nipples. Why no because fucking support us So you have to pay us Show us. I want to see that red ariola. Come on. I mean, yeah, I want to see the fucking Please feel your ass a bit We are not continuing I'm gonna fill you up later Until you fuck stand right here Matthew get it on. I want to grab your ass. Give me something You fucking do it or I will No, why not you didn't fucking support us and this is so let us support you I'll think about it Matt fuck this we are not moving forwards until you come here and let me through your ass Come on, dude. You let it sometimes. We've got all day. I've got my berries I just want to touch your ass not your bear. I was just through your pants. What's happening Making these we act cool in front of the camera I'm not in front of the camera. You're being behind it like a sneaky cunt Let's do it. That is fucking sly. Let us grab you behind the camera. Let us grab you Don't ignore us dude. All right, you either fucking sign up to our university or Marty grabs you or you show us some nips. You got three options, man. That's a lot of options I don't do that to my chilled people Children people I've I'll have a thing. I'm gonna choose All right Anyway, if you can't that's fucked. I'm pissed Anyway, if you can't afford the $10 a month you can support us in other ways by commenting Smashing that subscribe button still notice that like a third of the viewers aren't subscribed Just takes a second just quickly press the red button and then YouTube thinks Oh people like this and then they shot to more people or you can push the thumbs up button Well, you can comment and if you can't think of a comment Just write the word comment and we'll know that you're one of those people who wants to support us But doesn't know what to say you fucking cunt Matt you fucking dog cunt Anyway, let's move on. Yeah, I can't look at him right now. I want to I'm imagining him naked in my brain But I'm not gonna look at him. I can do my contact. I did it He got me all right, let's move on to on this days because fuck I haven't read these only just walked through the door Matt, how are they fuck? We better hope they're good. They're legitimate. They're legitimate like my kids I don't fucking know. He's confident. They better be good. He's fucking confident on this day in 1987 a Hard crusty baby ripped its way out from behind the pussy lips of its panicking mother The baby stood up immediately and already had a full set of teeth grown out of its gums The baby began talking in a deep man's voice and said I'm gonna produce the best fucking Podcast and the entire history of podcasts you dumb fucking cunts Then turned and fucked it's now unconscious mother before getting a job selling concrete It was me everyone. That's right on this day 34 years ago Matthew Gregory Brown was fucking born while I write this It is still a week before my birthday, but I saw that this episode comes out on the 8th of March So right now while you're hearing this it is my birthday So do me a fucking favor and wish me a happy birthday in a comment section and buy a dm to my Instagram at Matt Brown And then four ones send him some no no dicks No, no beautiful video. Yeah, but you say beautiful videos and I get murders in Mexico Yeah, well, maybe that's beautiful. Maybe if he supported our fucking or show to some skin Anyway, why don't you guys send him some clips from our website to mom when you were born? I guess we've all technically fucked our moms. Let's think about that. We've been the whole way very graphic way to Her we've thumbed her we fisted her we've gone down on her We've done everything as we came out of vagina speak for yourself. I was a Zarian so I fucking I didn't do shit with my mom You guys are all fucked dude. I was born in an egg. Do you came out? You did the gore shit. What's the gore? Oh come out of the arse. No when you come out of Cezarian you were into the gory stuff. You like a bit of blood. Yeah, I was anyone. Yeah, I cut my new hole I fucked a fresh hole So you did it twice though. You even said that that's weird. Anyway, just fucking become a member I'll show us a breath. You just talk about your own mother like this man. Disgusting by the way. What was her name again? Julian Julian's his mom. Julia My mother Julia Anyway moving on On this day in Thomas Edison burnt his eyelids off with blah blah blah. It's my fucking birthday you dicks I can say and do whatever I want and you guys can't get mad because it's my birthday Marco your face skin looks like a testicle skin and looks like it would be a similar texture Very good. Nah, that's very good. Yeah, I guess it does look a bit like ball skin doesn't it shit Maybe under the eye fuck himself conscious patchy like pubes on On this day in 2017 Matt Brown Matt Brown Matt Brown Michael Michael I want you to come over here and kiss me even if I'm saying no, no don't don't believe me That's just part of this silly game. I'm playing. I actually do want you to kiss me even if you have to chase me around this whole house What are you waiting for Michael come and kiss me? It's my birthday Matt. Oh, he's doing it In the kitchen He's got him in the kitchen I have a power in Michael I have a power in Michael Kiss him just a bit on the cheek Matt Just a bit. Yeah, he got him Michael's just kiss Matt from Matt's request Michael kissed him right on the cheek. Well done All right, Matt. This is getting fucking weird There you go. What you wanted Matty. You're happy job done, mate You didn't put much of resistance. Anyway All right, last one on this day in 1986 John Travolta's daughter who was dying from jaw cancer was the recipient of a maker wish foundation wish and got to spend an entire weekend on her favorite celebrity businessman's private island Jeffrey Epstein Unfortunately, she died on the trip by drowning from inside her body by massive amounts of ejaculate filling her lungs The death was not found to be suspicious and they said it was probably the jaw thing she had Who's daughter John Travolta's daughter? Wow Wow, I don't even know we had a daughter. You find out some cool shit. That's cool. That's real cool Now show us your ass I got a kiss from you and you wanted it All right Moving right along to the next segment which oh by the way We'll let you give you as a rundown of what we're doing today for the podcast We got a fucking the hunt has taken a turn for the better that segment We've got the no p.m. Unboxing this week because your dogs are too lazy to send a shit, which is fine. Oh, no, that's not okay There's what how many of them? Anyway, I shouldn't and we got fucking we're gonna do some paranormal stories Questions and of course a prank call where I attempt to get a job for the third possibly the final time What are we going with like a fucking trade job some tradies man and see if I can pick up some fucking labor and like they And of course the german segment Begin What's the first one? You dogs have asked us fuck loads of questions We've got fuck loads of questions this week and we love it, but we're like fuck There's so many questions. We don't know which ones to answer so system So from now on we're going to answer the questions That have the most likes on our youtube channel comment section So if you're listening to this have a scroll through the comments while you are If you see a question you want answered give it a like and we're going to answer the most liked questions Okay, that's why that way everyone's fucking everyone gets fuck All the cool questions everyone wants to get in If I spot one that's really interesting but got no likes, can I chuck it in? Matt you can do whatever you want your fucking birthday. You're fucking subscribed to the website Maybe I kissed him Yeah, you got like a bristly kiss. Yeah, but it's kind of nice. Yeah, I know it's exfoliating isn't that right? That's great. Yeah, it's great to see That sound real Well, let's do some as smr. Do you know what that is? Is that audio thing? All right, listen listen to this That sounded like you were really eating berries. Yeah I'm eating berries. Oh I guess that's why it sounded so real All right, so there was a ton of questions and I picked 11 this week um A lot of people are asking for um Arnold fine to return as well He will come back soon. He's got a with the thing with jokes is you got a you got if we make the Same joke every week. It gets less funny. So you're gonna give some time comes back as well. It's just as funny. See question All right question for the podcast Um, oh man, I wish I wiped my ass properly. Yeah, you've been just scratching it everywhere. It's getting bad All right go from Donut films question for the podcast. Why does julian have the laugh of a 40 year old man? I don't know what's his laugh like. I don't remember it it's like Yeah, very good mad do that again All right. Yeah, actually, I don't even know if that's so out of my head. I don't know but I think it's a cute laugh. I don't mind when he laughs. Yeah, it's not bad. It's not a bad laugh We can't why I can't fucking talk. I sound like a five year old like a hyena or something something like that Isn't that right? You just have my feelings it's from sharn strita Marty if it was the end of the world and there is one seat left on the spaceship, who would you take michael or bozzly? Well, I'd have to take michael But fuck it'd be it'd be devastating day. That's for sure because bozzly's probably only got like another one It's hard to say it's probably gonna let about another seven years tops and michael's maybe got like another nine years tops So I'd be there a bit more company for you in the space shuttle. So michael's probably gonna live longer. So I'd have to take The serpent over the dog. Have you seen that movie passengers? Yeah Is that where they go to space? Yeah, and they wake up and then he wakes up a girl Man, you'd fucking they'd be fucking it would be sort of rad. I'd wake everyone up No, because then food gets limited like no, I'd eat all their food So next question. Um next question is from toy to Prius Lover Um Mickey what is one thing you hate about martin and martin? What is one thing you hate about mickey? Love you dogs. So the fucking Sometimes when you don't feel like being sexually assaulted Which is never no sometimes it's okay if I'm in a giggly mood I can take it but when he just Flicks or grabs the tip of your dick Every time just a tip pinches it It's the sickest feeling. Oh when he gets you through it today today. He brushed no last night last night You saw it. He brushed and tickled my nipple as he went past. Yeah, I fucking hate getting touched on the nipple And yeah, like I snap at him sometimes But yeah, probably the sexual harassment When you don't feel like it that's I deny these allegations by the way, you love it You're always saying whenever when no one's around he's always like, oh dude, thanks for that today by the way Really appreciate that. I can't do it more. It's like you love go do it more. It's really funny Yeah, so annoying and that's probably the thing I hate most about Michael Is it he's always like tells me one thing one on one when we're alone And then pretends like he fucking hates it when like there's group of people around or like on a podcast like you've Have you've spoken out to me. You've said you really like it when I'm feeling you up and shit And you pretend to get annoyed at it, but you love it. So you're different behind closed doors. Yeah Yeah, so basically the cabinet leaders. This is a facade. This is a facade. It's a mirage Next question is from air force one. Yes Um, do you guys wear briefs or boxes? What are briefs? I think that's an america way of saying Boxes are those fucking things we were in high school. Remember when everyone was like low riding going through the same No way would I wear boxes? It's jocks. I wear. Yes. It briefs needs to be if it's too Loose it feels uncomfortable cock and balls just flopping around everywhere. It's like it's I need it to be secure But not too tight when it's too tight Breezes like a bra for your cock and balls and boxes is just like a woman wearing a really loose shirt Oh, yeah, and it needs to be fucking flopping around everywhere. And that's how you get breast cancer Yeah, I did read that in an article that I wrote. Yeah Next question is from lee wilson Why don't you guys let matt sit on the podcast so we can see I want him. I want him here Fucking denies our advances. He's a sly pig behind the fucking camera behind the fucking camera Not fucking supporting us doesn't yet won't even give us a feel Yeah, like he doesn't he's used to fucking flash us shit He would flash us teasing You used to dude Oh, maybe in the future. Maybe Yeah, we got to have matt back on as a guest again. Well, um, julien made a good suggestion that we maybe put a camera on me for laughs But we'll wait and see and like a really close up of just his mouth. Yeah or nostrils or my eyes Just moving side to side or your bum bum next question. It's from ruben mate. Uh, what is your favorite afl team? Love the work Oh, well, we used to follow afl fair a bit played it for like a season or two and um in brismans So the brismans lines, but I haven't really followed it much And um, yeah, I'm pretty sure the entire afl community hates us now because yeah, I don't fucking watch this board Shut up. You're calling with Next question is from vajak vajak. Yeah vajak. You're pronouncing that correctly. Yeah Has it ever has it ever occurred to either of you that marco looks like a drunk jesus? Yeah, of course. It's occurred to us, but jesus had like brown hair and michael's got um bright red hair Wasn't jesus like from the middle east He's definitely in the jerusalem area. Is that middle? Yeah jerusalem. He's from israel israel is um, it's just above france Ah, that's good geography Well, yeah, well there you go drunk jesus is french. I'm pretty sure he was like, oh bonjour. Can't when he was on the fucking cross and she He's like bonjour. Can't I'm pretty sure that's I like fucking frogs and shit on him count Fuck off Fuck off can't I didn't fucking happen can't jesus lived and died for our sins Oh, next question is from a talah. I'm a amid. I'm hard. Sorry, mate. I'm a fucking bonjour come As any of you guys have gotten a surgery done p.s touching mats hammer. I doesn't count I had grommets when I was a little kid. I struggled with hearing or some shit. What's grommets? They put these little fucking like in their ears And they sit in there and then they help you hear better. What? What happened to them? Are they still in they fall out eventually? I had to get them replaced a couple times I wonder you're weird. What the fuck can't they call grommets. Look it up. You could park in the disabled parking No, it's not that bad. Dude. You basically have a fucking hearing aid You had a fucking hearing aid that fell out. Can't see I couldn't hear you. But yeah, see I've had surgery on my broken arm when I was a three but a broken. Oh, he told me this But how did you break your arm? I fell off the trampoline. No, I fell off the playground Same thing. I was um copying the old children and I I tried um hanging upside down I was three and I fell and snuck my arm in half Shit and you had to get surgery for that. That's a fuck Um, Michael's right. Grommets are a tiny tubes inserted into the eardrum They allow air to pass through the eardrum keeping the air pressure on either side equal So you had no I used to get huge ear infections still do now and then I've probably had maybe five in my 20s Remember when I threw heaps of sand at your ears at the beach and you got an ear infection Oh, dude They are excruciating. Have you ever had an ear infection? Yeah, I've had one and they are you're right It's a whole night of agony. Then you go to the hospital The best thing that came out of ear infections was when I was about 11 years old your uncle fucked you no different time I went to the emergency room and then the pain was that excruciating that some nurse Injected morphine into my arse and that's when I discovered hard drugs When you're 11 years old It's fucking if you have the opportunity to do morphine was a morphine or fentanyl Morphine you fucking take it only if you are in pain though, and we don't recommend taking it Yeah, don't do it all the time. It is honestly the best It's groundbreaking ever like was morphine stronger than it's sort of like heroin and I haven't done heroin But I've heard it's similar more things like all your pain goes away. I was like mom. I feel so good And then it all went black And all the pain went away and fuck I will never forget that. What was your mom wearing then? I don't remember what she was wearing. I do you weren't there Next question next question is from Daniel Chen Um How many wigs does Marty have? Wigs yeah wigs Oh, no, this is these real hair, but I just go get it done like every week There's a rumor going around that you're wearing wigs on the he looks good with long hair. Hey, look at that wigs This is just my face Everyone looks good with long hair. Make sure if you've never had long hair grow your hair out to see give me that mirror What are you talking about? Should I grow one last year? You look fucking good Yeah, you're right. I might keep this hairstyle for a while a Anyone looks most people look good with long hair And eyeliner and final question for the podcast is from Taylor Dow. Bitch. Um always gotten a bit serious Do you boys feel like social media has become more of an obligation slash job than it did when you started a few years back? It does it feel forced at times It can but it goes depending on what you're doing what project right now Social media is probably the best it's ever been. Why? Because we're fucking filming shit. We love social media. It's like the work. Oh, yeah, not the fucking good Not the rules not the social media has become the most pg Censored shithole since we started but and yeah, it does it does it does become Well, it is a job now. So whether we it's still fun We like doing it But yeah, if we want to keep this as a job we have to keep making videos We can't like just film and then have a break for a few months and then film and have a break for a few months Otherwise we'll fucking it's relentless But that's why you got to make what you're doing what you're filming you enjoy So this new series which sports scariest is very fucking scary, but it's very fun and rewarding It's a bit more but yeah social media as a whole and what they're doing with it come fucked It's become so pc with all you fucking snowflakes out there that we're going to live in a fucking world Where there's no freedom of speech and we'll all be fucked. That's why we got the website We post whatever the fuck we want and no one can do nothing about it I got a follow up question. Matt loves it too. He fucking loves it and that's got a fucking question here We fucking go take your shirt off Will anyone ever create a social media where the you can just post whatever you want? Well, there are things like Twitter's similar. Twitter's censored now. They fucked up. You fucking say the wrong thing bank on there Yeah, but I'm talking about speech More important. I don't know. They block the president of the US. Yeah, exactly. Who's really the controller of the world? I don't know if yeah, if anyone will fucking If any if any social media platform will ever be completely uncensored. I just do not know Matthew Brown That was so cute That was the best part of the podcast And that's it for question time Oh very beautiful very beautiful ending with the berry very good questions guys Keep them fucking coming in and remember if you do write a comment have a question Have a look through and vote for your fucking favorite ones with a like Next segment I love that. I love that part. All right Now we have uh some some breaking news with the hunt. All right, so we've done it Okay, we had an objective and we've done it. All right, so let me fucking Let me go through what happened. So first of all, right Hamish replied. Okay, all the people commenting on his fucking posts. It worked job. Well done. He read our He read our dm. Let me just find it and he replied I uh, yeah explained him that we thought he was a hologram And then he hadn't been replying for a while. So I said you're being so hologram right now And then he replied ha ha. Okay, so I've just got across this apparently ando has the t-shirt We will try and film something when we're together this week to put this nasty rumor to rest and then in brackets He's got ha ha jokes. It has to be in a week's time So my hard drives can write the proper code to make me look real in the video just admitted it So, you know, it's a bit like what the fuck man He's sort of like is is he hiding in plain sight by saying by joking about it. All right. So that's hamish All right, so he's gotten back to us now Andy He replied he's got the shirt and he sent us the fucking video. So We did it the fucking round of applause four weeks not even three weeks to get this hunt done three weeks So we have I have right here a message a video from andy. All right ready everyone listen to this. All right, so andy has fucking replied Marty Michael We are real I'm not a hologram But I guess that's what a hologram would say if they were trying to pretend they weren't Quite the conundrum boys He's wearing the shirt. Look look at that. He's fucking wearing the shirt So you'll see it if you watch it on youtube you obviously just hear it on the spotify andy's not a fucking hologram All right, he's proven it. He's worn the shirt. He did it. He did what we asked andy's not a hologram jury's still out on hamish, but me now personally after his reply I do believe that he's also real. Okay, so we've done it You happy with that? I'm pretty. It's amazing. I think andy is the puppeteer of hamish and he's in control Could be but he's real and he's definitely real and I think he could be controlling hamish But at the end of the day, we did it. All right, we proved that they are not holograms I genuinely thought maybe they were for a while, but we did it. Okay. We got the fucking might be We got to get to the bottom of this We have to find out We need to get them to send another video But we need a new mission and we've got a new mission Have a new hunt as we call it. Oh, yes guys. So the so we completed that hunt doesn't know it Okay, so we've we we can put that rumor to bed hamish and andy are real Okay, we're satisfied. So now we move on to the next objective with the hunt Now in australia morning tv shows a kind of big deal, right? And carl stepanovic Is a host on one of the morning show the today show the best the best one the highest rate Is it the today show? Matt? Can you check that before we fuck this up? How are we gonna do this we're just gonna fucking bombard them We're gonna go in there with bombs strapped to ourselves and we're gonna say you let us on here or we blow this motherfucker Up And then we like turn into with a song and dance. Yeah. All right. Yeah, okay, then it's not Oh, yeah, and the bombs are fake bombs. So it's safe and we have a little um, like a little sticker on it says Fake bombs or something. Yeah Just so people know that it's fake, but The dancing and performance will turn them to want us on the show. Okay, so starting this week We're gonna start to make inroads. We want to get on the today show for is it a today show I'm looking at um, his wikipedia does say today show host 2020 onwards. Okay. Yes. He's he's the he's the today show host There's no doubt about this is the most important morning show in australia Carl stephenovich He is the man of morning show. He can decide who gets on the fucking he's been he fucking survived Like two or three shark attacks. So we're so after this episode I'm gonna we're gonna start making inroads to get on the today show and our angle is going to be Via Carl to start with okay, we're gonna try and get on there. We're gonna try and make something newsworthy We just want to fucking get on the today show. We deserve it Fucking oh, we deserve it. All right. So we are going to push hard So we need you guys to get ready because by next week, we're probably gonna have some instructions We'll have some tasks and we need your help again guys. So fucking get ready to help We are a team this hunt is a team effort. We'll fucking we'll tell we'll tell if we get on the today show We will thank our podcast listeners. Are you guys if you help us get this done? All right, that's the new hunt getting on the today show right Let's do the one of the hard to do that tone of the hard. This is the Oh, yeah Okay, that is that we all know about that The fucking hunt we did at the first one three weeks. Nothing. Shit. God damn it. We are good. We are fucking good All right. Now the next segment is called Boop-boop-boop-boop That's a table. By the way, I'm not I haven't farted once today he hasn't had any gas But yesterday he did about 50. I didn't have the recorder with me. But yeah today, no gas So I don't you know we're probably not going to be able to try this until maybe the berries will stir it up You never know. I've been eating the berries for an hour and still nothing darling You guys are sending your paranormal stories We're gonna read a few okay because we love that shit Ghost stories, alien stories, all sorts of shit, all right? Paranormal stories. This is from Kira.May. So my craziest paranormal encounter was when my older brother, his girlfriend, and I were playing his girlfriend's Ouija board. And after like 30 minutes of thinking it was bullshit, my brother said, of there are any spirits here, make yourself heard or whatever. And then I say there was a loud ass bang come outside on the car. I mean, there was a loud bang. And we went out there and there wasn't a dinner or anything. So it's something slammed the door or something and the lights were on and everything. So, yeah. Like that's, that's like, that's pretty shit. That's a pretty shit story. But we'll continue because it's a new segment, all right? Well, that's not a good start there, Kira May. Not a good start at all. Anyway, next one is from Tilla Velaga. Okay. And she has said, I was 12 years old and I slept in the same room with my little sister. Oh, we both had bunk beds. Mine was right next to the door so I could see out to the stairs. The light was still up on out there and our mom had just left the room after putting us to bed. I heard that the door quietly opens. I looked down to see who it is, but no one is there. Then I heard slow steps reaching closer and closer to my bed. I wanted to scream, shout, cry for my mum, but I couldn't. I didn't have my voice. I wrapped my blanket around my body as I heard the steps on my ladder. It had the exact same sound as usually at the second rung where it stepped on it but it didn't stop there. I peeked out of my blanket and saw a black, dark figure reaching towards my leg. A weird buzz ran through my body and stopped me from moving but I didn't stop trying to stop it peeling off my blanket. Then in the second second, I sat up in my bed and no one was there. It was like a shutdown but the next day it came again. Do you know what this sounds? I know exactly what you're about to say. Is this what I have? This is a fucking sleep paralysis. This is 100%. It does, and it does feel paranormal but yeah, that's what happens. You can't move, you can't scream and you feel that vibration in your body. And the figure comes in there just as you feel the lean onto the bed, you go to move and then you realize you're fucked. Fucked up, scary shit, but yeah, that just sounds like it. That fucking happened. I haven't had it for a long time now. I haven't had it for a very long, for a while now but I found the best way to deal with it is to accept it and when I did do that. Yeah, you laugh at it. I was lucid dream, I was lucid dream. I used to tell it to fuck off. Literally a portal to lucid dream. But that's where I went. So there you go, that was sleep paralysis. Thanks Tori, it's from Jono Jaws-Wals. When I was a young ringworm about seven years old, this used to happen a lot and went on for over a year. This happened when I was going to sleep. Something would tap me on my shoulder and because it had happened just as I'm falling asleep, I would spin around grumpy and grumpy like and ready to say go away. Standing there was a child in the olden days black jacket in short school uniform with a white scruffy shirt. I'd absolutely freak out and can't even scream. The only thing I could do is slowly roll over and put my blanket over my head. But for hours it would constantly tap on my shoulder. Oh man, that's sick. For a long time I was going to school half asleep because of the little sleep I was getting plus still being freaked out. I would not fucking, I would have a light on in my room and I would not sleep in that fucking room if that happened once. All right, that's the bucket. That'll do with the paranormal stories. Comment if you liked that segment. If you thought it was as shit as we did, also tell us that it was shit and we'll scratch it and we'll come up with something even more. What was the one we just came up with before? You did? Oh yeah, well I was going to suggest maybe we have a segment where we see what type of fucked up people listen to the podcast and people send in messages of the worst crimes that they've committed. Yeah, so comment if you want the worst crime segment instead of the paranormal one, let us know. Yeah, sorry everyone. Sorry for that. Would that open us up to bullshit stories? Yeah, of course. But everything we do is open up to bullshit stories. Some of you are on these days and we're questionable, my friend. Yeah, but that's real, we know that's real. It's birthdaying, mate. And birthdaying ain't always real. It's only one day a year. It's my fucking pig. No matter what I say today, it's real, it's my birthday. Israel. You're not from Israel. Next segment. What was it called again? What was the song? Haribor, Mekinda 4. Wontavaksna, Ibnzor. Wasn't it, but that'll do. And this is a segment where I casually, calmly, normally read four German phrases. So it's three now. Three German phrases as if I was speaking to another German person because the German language is so beautiful and evolved that it sounds cool. And we have a fucking huge German audience. Don't do that. I have noticed that the German comments are growing and they want to, they ask questions. Yeah, because they can hear me talking to them. That's the thing about Germans. They're all very intuitive. Oh ho, intuitive. Oh ho, yeah, that's such a German fucking thing to do. All right. Here we go. Was muss, das muss! Was muss, das muss! Was muss, das muss! Which means what must, that must. Okay, get it. Which means you've got to do what you've got to do. Was muss, was muss! Was muss, das muss! Was muss, das muss! Was muss, das muss! Was muss, was muss, das muss! I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Yeah, it was very German. Was muss, das muss! Next one. Ich habe eine Auge auf dich geworfen! Oh ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho! Ich habe eine Auge auf dich geworfen! Ich habe eine Auge auf dich geworfen! Can you have a berry then say it on the last one away? Eine Auge auf dich geworfen! Which means I've thrown an eye on you. Which means I cast an eye on you. Like I'm watching you. Yeah, there's something like that. Yeah, oh you sweaty fuck. It's hot man. Hey, we got a wig on. I've got fucking hot berries in front of me here I've got lights on me. Do you think when Nikki wrote all these she had she understood our sense of humor that she knew Which sentences were funny? I reckon Nikki knows us pretty well. Yeah Similar sort of fucking brain this phrase. I've actually said to people she is us. The only problem with Nikki is She is is German Understand that one was that a mean hey, I'm just saying anyway move on Which means you can me once you can me once which means like fuck off Oh An old man German all your neighbors think hearing all this German they'd be like, oh, they're having a disagreement And they come over with a hamper full of delicious cured meats. That's what Germans do and maybe a blended up Jew juice Blend up juice. Yeah, that's true. That's what everyone likes like apple and orange juice In my mouth I Love watching you eat berries. Maybe we could start another channel Eating berries the berry channel. Oh fuck me. That was good. All right Thank you, Germany. Thank you, Jeremy. Thank you for having such special noises as words That makes out for a lot of shit you've done a Lot of shit. You are very offensive That is where I am from I am from that part of the world. I Was born there. I Was read there read My German folk All right next segment Final segment final segment All right guys fucking final segment. We got a fucking prank or come all right. I'm gonna try this one more time All right, I'm gonna be Darren. I'm gonna try and get a job I'm gonna call like an Aussie man so we can hopefully get a better reaction All right, cuz Darren's a bit of a fucking he sounds like he's not going to school He doesn't sound like things are going too good. So I'm gonna call just a random builder And see if I can pick up some extra work laboring right Stay seated man He never does fucking Spindless Spindless coward man Yeah, hey guy my name is arm down Listen, I'm just calling around a couple of builders joints in that today Just saying if I can pick up a couple of laboring hours work is if there's nothing going around And just saying if there's nothing I can do Round the jobs on that few boys Sorry, all of our labor hire is conducted is sourced through labor hire agencies. Yeah, right, right, right It's pretty good if you approach them Yeah, I've tried to do that like I've just had some issues with like my laptop on that and like for most of them Like you got to do like online stuff like you got to fill out a lot forms on that and like don't want like I'm like like what is it like a white card or some shit like that? So I was just I was just calling around right to see if like if there's any what cash is Cash is gone around like I'll do it really cheap to like I'm talking like maybe 10 bucks a hour Right, and I'll just come in and clean up all the scraps and that from the Builders and that so I was like I know like normally go through like labor isn't that but like I'm sort of taking Initiative right and calling around don't myself, you know what I mean Yeah, I wish I could help you but yeah, we don't everything's got to be Right well, listen mate who makes who makes the decisions on like who hires people on that because maybe if like I had a chat to Them and they could see like how like I am if Bishop been ambitious. I am in that maybe they like put me on You know without the going through the bloody yeah, the the labor hire thing man All right, so you're so you're you're making the decisions will make um Like like you want to make money, right? And I want to make money, right? So hear me out and I know like you doing it like buy the books and that all off I respect that right But I'm telling you mate. I'll work twice as hard twice as hard as any bloke through that labor hire And I'll do it for half the price. I'll do it for half the price right now, bro Okay, I appreciate that We don't operate that way we everything I didn't want to have the eyes crossed the T's and that sort of thing we we certainly pay above would wage for those who do work out So the money's not the issue It's the quality or I didn't want to have to put we're happy to pay the you know above award rate But everything has to go through the agency. Yeah, right? Well, look mate, I didn't want to have to pull out this last little trump card, right? But what if right? I come in and like I work like fucking free Oh, like I work for free, right? No cash nothing for let's say let's say two weeks Right, because I'll go like when I'm a little baby daughter. I've got to look after on that So two weeks, right for free and then if you's happy, right? I will go through that labor hire thing that you's talking about and I will do it legitimately I'm pretty good offer. It's very generous and very keen of you, but again We have to go through the right channels and any person that works for us needs to be insured We would hate for something to happen to you and you'd be off work and not be able to work And then insurance not be there to provide for you Yeah, man. Well, like with insurance and that like I've worked like 12 our days once I had a like busted ankle on that Like I was so big and shit like a full swollen up and like I still work 12 our days and that so unless I get like stabbed or shot or something like Trust me, I'll be working. But like I said, don't make like you got to throw you got to throw me a bone Do you know what I mean? It's like I'm working for free for you and and and and like and you ain't you ain't given me much to work with You know what I mean? Like it's just a bit like it's a bit rude. You come across a bit rude I don't want to say that, you know, because you're like possibly my new boss and that but like you come across a little bit rude Do you know what I mean? Like I'm offering you my life here. Like I will work till I die You said before that you had laptop issues. Yeah, so look, I know that The labor hire companies go into their office and key the information in and do whatever courses and inductions using their computers Yeah, right. Um, look listen, I've gone through look. I've tried the whole labor hire thing now, right? I'm gonna come clean right now, right? I've done it and a couple of the boys there They got a bit of an issue with me, right? They don't like They don't like me and that so like they I know for a fact that they got it out for me And whenever I go in whenever I bloody talk to them, right? They say oops, we've got bloody Darren back and they put put my job at the bottom of the list, right? So I'm like I'm fucking struggling, but it's like I've been calling around join after join nothing available here And all the labor hire agencies they's all got it after me man. I swear fucking go man. It's like so fucked Man, I'll do anything mate. I'll do anything you want Mate look look I Fully respect what you're saying right, but I'm coming in I'm coming in I'm gonna fucking walk rock up on Monday With bloody with me boots on with me hive is I'm gonna rock rock up And I'm just gonna bloody follow you boys to the closest job site and I'm gonna start working man That's how I do it. That's how I roll by All right, it's happening man, I'm sorry, but it's going on. That's that's it I'm bloody coming around your joint Monday morning. What time you boys start six seven? I'll be there five. I'll be there at 5 a.m. Right coffee in hand. Who wants coffee? What are you drinking? Well, I won't be there at 5 a.m. Well, mate. Oh bloody could put it in a thermos thing right and stay nice and hot for you So what what coffee do you want? I'll get couple for the boys to Well, I'm not my coffee. I'm coming I'm coming I'm coming over man. I'm coming on Monday. I wish you the best I Love you. All right, you need to do something for me here No, my chin is so fucking high. I can't even see the floor right now, bro I'll be there Monday morning with a big fat coffee and big fat lips ready to suck your cock if I need to All right, I'll see you Monday That sounds like I've got the job That was rough man. I was cringing hard at some points But no reaction. He's just so calm that I was still so beautiful Darren is a sick fuck man That's sexual harassment. It's just being friendly Well, I guess we do it to you all the time. That's probably illegal though. Oh, yeah, true Um Look Fair to say I'm a you lose some all right. That's very good. I loved that. That's my favorite one so far this season We need to find someone to fire might it might take a while guys. Okay. Yeah It's not it's not just for we hadn't we had a rich vein of prank calls to end glass season with and don't worry We're gonna get back there. We just need to find the right. I still really enjoyed that We need to find the right angle, but yeah, they don't react enough I was trying to fire him up by saying he was being rude, but he's just He's calm. Yeah, I did enjoy that power. Oh, he went. I strongly Yeah, there was some good parts. He's responses were very nice I'm a professional man. Like he's he's running like hardship there. That's for sure. We are the best. We're the best We are Fucking Elmer you fucking cunt. I need a scratch fucking Show me your fucking Fucking ass stay there