 What's up guys, EvilDeer here. So today I'm not going to be giving a story per se. I'm going to be more having like a little inspirational speech. So that's not your thing. Totally understand. So I wanted to speak about basically chasing your dreams and starting over. Because this is something I've done like my entire life. I guess I should reference back to my own story. So when I was 17, I joined the army. I mentioned that in previous vlogs, if you missed them. Yeah, I was in the army at 17. But I didn't join the army really because that was something I felt in my heart I had to do. It was more like a circumstance type of thing. It kind of just happened. Like I saw the ads. I thought, you know, socially I'm a very quiet person. Everyone's probably going, you're quiet, what? But yeah, back then I was a very quiet person, very introverted. And I didn't like to get out. So I thought, you know, it's time to break out of my own shell. So I went and joined the army. And I did that for six years. But the whole time I knew this wasn't what I wanted to do with my life. It didn't fulfill that need with inside me. Now, I don't know if everyone has this, but definitely creative people. When I've spoken to creative people, they're all like this. They're like, we have this internal flame. And if it's not fed, then it will die out. And we will basically die with it. So we need to feed that flame. So yeah, I was in the army for six years. Just like a year before I decided to leave the army, I knew I wanted to be an actor for some reason. Like maybe based on my school experiences when I was acting, I wanted to be an actor. And this is something I felt really passionate about. And I ran up on books. I spoke to actors. I watched interviews. And the more and more I learned about it, the more I wanted to do it. I really, really wanted to do it. So I left the army and I went straight into full-time acting training. Now, I did that for a year. And at the beginning I was super passionate. But by the end of it, I had kind of lost that spark. Something about it just didn't hold me anymore. And I think like now when I think back on it, why I stopped being an actor, it was because although it was creatively fulfilling in some ways, it was very restrictive in others. Like I loved exploring characters and figuring out their life and understanding their stories. But I didn't like being forced onto certain characters, which is always going to happen as an actor. Because you'll come in for an audition and people say, this is the role you're suited for. This is what you're going for. If you get this, that's it. You deal with it and then eventually the film community starts putting you into certain roles based on your look. And that just, that didn't work for me. I couldn't do that. So I kind of at this point, I'd spent a good 10 years trying to figure out what I wanted to actually do with my life. And I really, I got close, I tasted it, but I never got that like the full distance. I never had the full thing in my hand and went, ah, this is what I want to do. Now, it was the same with Esperanto. When I learned Esperanto, I first learned it because I wanted to speak a foreign language. I'd always wanted to speak a foreign language. I tried out multiple languages, but something that Esperanto just kind of like hooked me. It grabbed me. And it fulfilled that need, like that internal flame was fed. And I, and when I started learning it, I knew this was the language and there was going to be no other language. It was, it's history, it's culture. People who say Esperanto doesn't have culture, you got a lot to learn. So it's history, it's culture, everything about it. Just kind of hooked and grabbed onto me and said, you got to learn me or else. So yeah, I, I kind of, I figured out that side of things, but there was, there was still this creative need that needed to be figured out. And then I went into blogging and I kind of did that full time, well, not full time. I did a part time, but I really focused on it. I interviewed lots of actors. I went out and interviewed directors, producers, everything. And I really enjoyed it. What I enjoyed the most was going out and again, figuring out the last story of these people and putting it down onto paper and seeing how they did everything. And this was the same in acting. It was the same blogging, but again, it just didn't fulfill that need. Like there was, there was still my creative input missing from it. And that's when I kind of discovered YouTube. And it was by accident. I actually went to like a YouTube meetup and I spoke with some YouTubers and I saw how passionate they were and I saw what they were doing, especially with their V-LOGs. And that hooked me, that grabbed me. And then when I did my first video and the response I got for it, I think it was, what is Esperano? And the people were applying, me seeing their replies and then speaking back to them and then realizing that I had this two-way communication. That really, that grabbed me. I loved the aspect of being able to see these people speaking back to me and me being able to speak to them, even though it's indirectly, it's through video. But you guys are able to respond in the comments below. And I love your responses. I love reading what you guys have done. I love learning those random facts of people going, yeah, yeah, it's, you know, Pomor comes from this and Portuguese and French, you know, it's related to this or someone else going, yeah, yeah, this, oh, that happened in your life. You know, it's a similar thing happened and we get into this whole conversation. I love the two-way interaction that happens there. But it also fulfills my creative need because I get to tell you guys my stories and I have lots of stories and I love just throwing them out there randomly. People going, dude, you're crazy. Because I am, I continually try new things. And God, I fail a lot and I fall over and I hurt myself. But I'm always trying these new things. And I feel by sharing them with you, it's like sitting down with my mate and just throwing stories backwards and forth. Like I'm sure you've all sat there with a friend and you've gone and your friend will start this one story and you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, the same thing happened to me. And then you'll get into your story and he's like, oh my God, it's the same thing. And then you just keep bouncing back and forth. That's what YouTube feels like to me. I'm sitting here and I'm passing my story to you and you guys are throwing back your random comments and stories to me. And even though a few of my videos have got dislikes, how could you dislike me like seriously? No, that sounds really stuck. I'm not really like that. But like, even though a few of them got dislikes, that's cool. I don't care if you don't like my video. Baby, you don't have to watch. But anyway, so yeah, I think I finally believe I have found what I want to do with my life. And that is just this two-way video communication. YouTube, whatever it is, I don't care. It's the spontaneous aspect to be able to do what I want and talk to you guys. And then seeing you guys shooting back feedback at me, shooting back feedback, well, that's a lot of backs in one word. But just seeing that, that really, that gets me going. I wake up like now and I'm like, oh God, I want to make a video. I need to make something for YouTube. I've got like several videos, like literally on my hard drive right now, I've got so many videos lined up and I just delete them because I'm like, no, it's not good enough. My viewers expect better of me. So like I was saying in the last video, I liked the lighting here. I feel disgusted by the lighting. I'm so sorry about that. And I'm trying to get lights and I'm like secretly purchasing them on the side and my missus is like, what are you doing with my money? You're wasting all this money. And I'm like, please, I need it. But like, this is definitely what I want to do and I absolutely love speaking to you guys. And like every day, there's never a moment where I go, wow, run out of stuff to speak about. Like I've just got so many stories and I just want to add them out onto this camera. But I believe that I'm probably definitely speaking way too much now. So what I want to say, just before I like cap this video off and I need to shave, just before I cap this video off is just keep sending your comments back, man. That feeds me. I'm like this little troll. And every time you give me comments, I'm so good. I love that stuff. I love how you guys do that. So yeah, keep shooting that stuff back at me. I love hearing your stories. Don't ever feel like, oh no, my comment's not good enough. Say it. I don't care if it's the most stupidest thing in the world. Just say it. And yeah, so before I definitely cut this one off, I know I just said that like 10 seconds ago. Thank you so much for sharing my videos. I have, I know this is a tiny number, but I've got like 76 subscribers in three weeks. That's like phenomenal. 76 people come here and listen to me rant about random stuff. Like I don't know what to say, but thank you. And yeah, so please keep sharing. Anyway, that's it. If you enjoyed this video, subscribe, share it even more. And thank you very much. And I'll see you in the next video. And if not, well, that's okay. I guess not everyone likes me.