 Oh waiter. Yes, sir. I'll have some sliced tongue a lettuce and tomato salad with roguepurt dressing and a bottle of cold Papped blue ribbon. Yes, sir finest beer served anywhere from Hollywood perhaps blue ribbon finest beer served anywhere proudly presents Playhouse production love crazy director Jack Conway Star William Paul Hollywood screen directors present a little love a little laughter the motion picture comedy Love Crazy starring William Powell the pressure of picture-making has prevented the director of love crazy Mr.. Jack Conway from introducing his own film story tonight However our star William Paul won't escape the watchful eye of a screen director as a matter of fact our guest director has been watching him ever Since 1929 when he directed Bill Powell in one of his first talking pictures the canary murder case And now ladies and gentlemen the team of director and star is united again as we introduce mr. Malcolm st. Claire You know it would make a pretty good story had I told Bill Powell 20 years ago that he'd never be an actor But I didn't I thought he was swell so all I can say about his success is I knew it all the time Now I'm going to join the rest of you in the enjoying one of Bill's most amusing roles Part of Steve Ireland in love crazy here. It is Once upon a time a man named Steve Ireland lived with his wife Susan in the Winston Towers Apartments They lived in apartment 12a. They were very very happy After four years of marriage they still talked like this darling. I love you and I love you and I love you Life at apartment 12a was excruciatingly sweet And then one day into apartment 11a moved Isabel Steve's old girlfriend 12a 11a Wow Isabel Grayson well come on in and share my elevator you're going down. Yes. Oh Steve I haven't seen you since you broke my heart and married the other woman. You're looking scrumptious. Really? I wasn't even trying What are you doing here? I live here and we're neighbors. I just moved in where's your apartment 12a. I'm right below you 11a. Oh brother Remember that if you ever want to borrow a cup of sugar sugar. Oh Dr. Package. Oh, thanks TV boy. It's just some stockings. I'm taking out to exchange Want to come with mama? Oh Mama better keep her meat hooks off Stevie boy. You know, I'm still married kiddo four years today's the anniversary Happy deliriously. I'm going out device using a gift for the great occasion. Oh Elevator trouble. Well, I never did this before Hey, it looks like we're jammed. What do we do now lower the lifeboats? Hey, look, look, there's a hatch right there at the top of this thing We're only a couple of feet below the floor If we climb up all we have to do is open the outside doors and crawl out through the top. Yeah here I'll open the hatch Now now if you can stand on my shoulders. Oh, well here put my package in your pocket. Yeah, okay I'll give you a boost. Well, I better take my shoes off. I don't want to stab you to death. Oh, yeah Yeah, give me hair. I never did look good in footprints Now see they see Can you get those doors open? I would you would you offer a hand to climb oh the human fly? When fly just ripped his pants Well, I'm a fine mess covered with grease pants all torn great way to launch an anniversary evening We'll just tell your wife. You were bitten by a mad dog. Oh Stop snarling all my other clothes are in the cleaners. What'll I do? Well, you might start by going back to your apartment Very well, I will. Goodbye, Isabelle. Oh What don't look now, but your slip is showing Tattletail Mr. Ireland Oh, hi, you professor Klugell. I'm I'm in a rush rush, but Mr. Ireland. What happened to you? I was bitten by a mad elevator What did you do to make it mad? Excuse me, professor Don't be professor always snooping around Steven your back or Steven darling, what's happened? The elevator jammed good heavens you're a mess. Oh, you haven't looked like this since you used to date Isabelle Grayson Well, it was a matter of fact. I met Isabelle in the elevator Steven, uh-huh. She's uh, she's living here in the building look like you renewed acquaintances and a mixed master Well, you see the the elevator jammed it never jam before what it did this time and there we were Yes, oh Mr. Ireland, who is it? Oh, it's the fellow boy dear. Mr. Ireland Mrs. Isabelle Grayson asked me to ask you if she could have her shoes back Shoes her shoes. Oh, yes, sure right here in my pocket. There you are Well Susan as I was saying there we were in this jammed elevator and you both took off your shoes and played tozies No, no, no, darling. You don't understand her shoes were in my pocket. They were where were her feet on my head On our anniversary. No on my head. You see, pardon me, Mr. Ireland. Oh, you still here? Yeah, Miss Grayson says she also wants her stockings back Stockings. Oh sure like my pocket go on dear the elevator was jammed and there you were and mr. Ireland Miss Grayson also says. Oh, no But Mrs. Ireland. If you say what I think you're going to say so help me. I'll murder him Miss Grayson also says thanks You know for a minute you you even had me scared Now if you'll hand me my coat mr. Ireland, I'll thank you and say goodbye too. Oh Susan. You don't understand I don't want to be unfair about this Steven. I'm going out for a walk and think it over But that's silly and do something about those pants. Oh for Susan Isabel She got me into this mess. She'd only get me out of it Boy down here. How's the little woman miserable? Thanks to you Isabel I've got to get out to buy a gift for Susan and all I've got to wear are these torn pants Here I'll throw them down to you and hurry When I sew you up for another woman, I'll take my own sweet time Isabel this is Steve. How's the pantsless wonder dying by inches you've had the more than an hour If you don't stop rushing me, I'm going to sew sandpaper into the seat But Susan will be back soon and I haven't even bought her an anniversary present You talk about Susan while I sit here slaving so you can go around showing off Isabel Isabel I got to get a bell boy Bell boy. Where's the bell boy? Mr. Ireland. Oh Hi, Professor Klugell. Is there a bell boy in the house? Mr. Ireland, you forgot your pants. I Did not these my dear professor are invisible pants Invisible pants On you they look good You professor. Thank you, Mr. Ireland. Oh Bell boy, you got to help me. I'm desperate. Oh sure, Mr. Ireland. Look You've got to buy a present for my wife an anniversary gift I don't care what it is just use your own taste, but get one and get it fast Oh, and if my wife's here for goodness sake, don't let her know that you bought it Just cover it up some way when you give to me right, Mr. Ireland Hello, this is birth of the sewing machine girl You pants already gorgeous. I'll bring them right up. Bye. No, no, no, no, no, no, no brother Oh Steve I've been so silly. Please forgive me darling. Oh, why Susan forgive you for what? For doubting your word tonight of all times our anniversary night When is it going to be a Lulu? Sorry, sorry, but we we don't want any Who was it dear? Oh Fuller brush man. Yeah, I just gave him taste of his own medicine quick brush Oh, I'll get it dear Oh What? Susan now Susan Isabel Tell her what happened. Don't be silly. It's your anniversary Susie darling. Look, I swear. I haven't set foot out of the apartment since you left Darling, I've never lied to you It's me Joe the bellboy Not for a second. Mr. Ireland this parcel go away get lost But you just left it in the elevator Please Susan Susan don't cry. Look Susan. It's for you. It's your anniversary present. I don't want it I'll open it What did you buy Joe? Never did I much taste mr. Ireland. This is a fine time to tell me It's a cushion a nice purple satin cushion with a model one. Oh good Lord Look dear, isn't it lovely? Oh, it's hideous. See there's writing on it. Yeah, go ahead Susan read it Let's all happy. Let's all happy happy home Listening to the screen directors playhouse production of love crazy starring William Powell and introduced by screen director Malcolm St. Claire Are in New York City the big luxury liner with your friends aboard has just pulled away from the dock You envious hot and excited from waving farewells walk out in a Manhattan's blistering heat Someday you're going to take an ocean trip, but right now you'd settle for a say wait a minute What's that little blue sign across the street? Oh? brother Paps blue ribbon finest beer served anywhere Yes during these hot August days You're just one of millions of men all over America to whom that perhaps blue ribbon sign means welcome relief Or perhaps blue ribbon does something more than quench your thirst It gives you taste blue ribbon taste the kind of taste you can't get anywhere else in the world except in that perhaps blue ribbon bottle and Fortunately, you can get that blue ribbon bottle all over the world Yes, you hear it everywhere in New York and New Orleans and Newport and Nashville Perhaps blue ribbon finest beer served anywhere Your taste will tell you why Now back to the screen directors playhouse production of Love Crazy starring William Powell Susan will you stop packing that suitcase for a minute and listen to me? I will not I'm leaving you Steven for good Believe me Susan. I wanted to believe you with all my heart But ever since Isabelle Grayson came back into your life. You've told nothing but lies That ridiculous story about the elevator getting stuck But you were that you hadn't left the apartment and her coming up here with you see I have not told you one Single lie, you see there you go again. I love you, baby There's no such thing as a marriage based on deceit Stephen. I'm getting a divorce. Oh Susan, please. I'll raise your allowance Stephen have you any brilliant last word? I refused to talk until I see my lawyer And that's it George just because of that silly misunderstanding Susan's going to divorce me Well, Steve, do you want me to advise you as your friend or as your lawyer? What's the difference? Oh about a thousand dollars Let's try the friendly approach Alright Steve move into an apartment house without elevators. Yeah, that's fine. What do I get if I pay money? Good advice. I'll pay Next time be more careful But there wasn't anything to be careful about George. I love Susan you've got to stop this divorce She wants to file suit Steve. There's nothing we can do about it. That's what's driving me crazy Well that would do it What if you were crazy Susan couldn't divorce you for five years? No, I say That's ridiculous. Well, yes ridiculous Imagine me crazy That's very amusing George Supposing I was just to pretend to be crazy Well, in that case it would take a postponement of at least 30 days to find out whether you really were crazy And that'd give me time enough to convince Susan that she's making a mistake. I'll do it do what? Pretend I'm crazy. It can't be so hard any idiot can do it Well, I tell you will you have to have witnesses, you know, I've get them Starting with Professor Klugell. Well, who's he? It's an old crack pot. It lives across the hall there. He thinks I'm half nuts anyway Mr. Ireland Where's your parachute? There you are Alexander Alexander mr. Ireland, I don't see nobody Standing right in front of you Alexander you insulted me once now take it back. No, don't move Or I'll shoot but mr. Ireland. I gotta go now All right Alexander take it back So you won't take it back then take this bang Mr. Ireland dead Well professor, what do you think of that? You know, I think he was crazy not to take it back Good night, mr. Ireland. Professor Klugell. Where are you going? Oh, that's right. You came to see me Good night, professor Mr. Ireland. Here we go gathering nuts in vain nuts in vain nuts in vain I Am a squirrel and you're a girl and all the world's a great big world here we go gathering nuts in vain And so mrs. Ireland in view of the evidence submitted by mr. Ireland's counsel this court feels that your husband's mental state is Doubtful. I wish to investigate the case for a period of 30 days. Thank you your honor So then why you fraud you're not crazy. You're you're crazy. I Have only one statement to make. Yes Oh All right, if you want to be crazy you can be good and crazy see here mrs. Ireland your honor Isn't there such a thing as a lunacy commission to decide cases of this sort? Yes, you can ask for a ruling by the commission It has the power to declare a person legally insane now wait a minute Jordan lunacy schmoonessy. What are you care Steve? You've got your 30 days and you haven't got anything to fear from the Commission I haven't of course not you're sane, aren't you Right. Bring on the Lunacy Commission. My name is Dr. Pelgrim, Mr. Ireland. The head of the Lunacy Commission will be here in just a minute now. In the meantime, would you mind answering a few questions? Well, you understand. This is just a formality. I'm perfectly normal. Of course. Now, do you... No, I don't have bad dreams. I don't hear voices. I don't think I'm being followed. Anything else? Well, yes. I'd like... Oh, well, here's the chairman of the commission now. Well, how do you do, doctor? I... Oh, Mr. Ireland. I've been expecting you. Tell me, how is poor Alexander getting along with you? No, professor. That was just a little joke. Wearing any invisible pants lately? Professor, I know what you're thinking. Are you familiar with this case, professor? Ah, yeah. In the immortal words of Dr. Sigmund Freud, he is nutty as a fruitcake. Please ask his wife to step in. Yes, professor. This is ridiculous. There's a perfectly logical explanation of my behavior if you'll only listen to me. Yes, professor Kluge. Mrs. Ireland, I'm afraid we have bad news for you. We must declare your husband legally insane. Will you listen to me? And you, Mr. Ireland, will be put in your wife's custody for a period of five years. My custody? There is nothing... Oh, my wife's custody? Well, that's different. Who's running out there? That would be a much nicer arrangement than sending him to some kind of mental institution. You mean I can have him locked up? Whenever you wish. Susan, no, you wouldn't. You might fool him, Steve Ireland, but you're not fooling me. Doctor, get the straight jacket. Oh, no. No, you don't. No, please, Mr. Ireland, you must resign yourself. You can resign yourself to a punch in the kisser. See you later, professor. She'll know something, Mrs. Ireland. He hit me. Know something, professor? You're screwier than he is. In the world... Isabel, I want a word with you. You look frantic. Frantic? They think I'm a raiding maniac. They do? Why? Because I had an argument with my wife. Well, that's a reasonable explanation. And it's all your fault. Because of you, my wife left me and I've been declared legally wacky. Well, that's life, kid. The bitter with the sweet, the good with the bad. Listen, my fine, blown corn cob philosopher, we're going to find Susan, you and I, and you're going to tell her everything that's happened, the whole story. Maybe she'll believe you. Oh, sure. We're palsies, your wife and I. Come on, stop arguing. You know, Steve, I kind of hate to leave this elevator. It has so many touching memories. Isabel, stop babbling. Come on, we've got to find Susan. Well, we don't have far to look. Here she comes now. Hello, Steven. I see you haven't wasted much time. Oh, Susan, you've come home. I won't just pick up the rest of my things. You needn't worry about your sudden attack of insanity any longer. I explained the whole thing to the professor and how divorce is going through. Susan, Isabel and I have some explaining to do. Haven't we, Isabel? You said a mouthful, Buster. If you kindly leave the elevator, I'd like to go out. I'm not leaving until you hear our side of the story. Very well. Listen, Mrs. Ireland, I admit that things look a bit sketchy, but Steve's been a model husband. There, see? It all happened because the elevator jammed. I've been riding this elevator for four years and it's never jammed yet. Listen, lady, nobody's trying to steal your spouse. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't have him on a bet. You see there, she wouldn't have me on a... Oh, you wouldn't, huh? Well, as far as that goes, I'll have you know that Steve has some very fine qualities. Certainly I have. Oh, shut up. You can have him, the jerk. He isn't either a jerk. Certainly not. Will you keep your big yaps shut? The whole thing was perfectly innocent. The elevator jammed. That's impossible. These elevators never jammed. They... I suppose we're just stopping for a hamburger. This is the last laugh I've always dreamed about. Oh, Steve, I... Stephen, I was wrong. Is this proof in us? I'm so ashamed of myself. Darling, I love you. Please come home, huh? I should have known. Isabel, I owe you an apology. You're honest, Isabel. That's me. Steve, hurry up and kiss her. Or stop because my shoes wedged in the elevator door. Good. Keep it there. What'd you say, dear? I said, honest is always the best policy. Stand by to be kissed. Darling... You see there, the elevator's all right again. Just like us. Well, it might be all right with you, but my shoe just fell down the elevator shaft. Her shoe? Stephen, how did that... Shh, shh, shh. Don't ask questions, dear. Just trust your husband. Oh. I've just heard the last act of love crazy. In a moment, our star, William Powell, and screen director Malcolm St. Clair will return to the microphone. If you were to win one of those radio contests, where the prize is a trip to Hollywood with a chance to visit the studios and the homes of movie stars, well, you'd get the surprise of your life. You'd find that most of the picture people, even the glamorous stars, lead modest, simple lives just like you and me. On these hot summer weekends, for instance, the chances are you'd find them out in the backyard under a shady tree with their neighbors and friends, playing gin rummy or just chatting over bottles of cold, perhaps blue ribbon beer. Everything in perfect taste. Blue Ribbon Taste. And it's that blue ribbon taste that makes this internationally famous beer so popular, not only here in Hollywood, but all over America. Yes, you hear it everywhere. In North Carolina's picturesque mountain resorts. In Los Angeles' popular eating places. In Wyoming's famous national parks. Papsed blue ribbon. Finest beer served. Anywhere. Your taste will tell you why. Next week on Screen Directors Playhouse, Papsed blue ribbon presents Appointment for Love, starring Charles Boyer with Gale Storm. Now here again is tonight's star, William Powell and Screen Director Malcolm St. Clair. So much for a love crazy, Mal. Now, we've got some talking to do. You know, I think it's been about 20 years since we've made the Canary murder case together. That was just about our first venture into talking pictures. And, brother, I was scared stiff. Afraid of those microphones? Sure, it was okay for you with all your stage experience, but I've never worked with anything with cameras. But the way you use those cameras made motion picture history, Mal. I know that even back in 1929, having Malcolm St. Clair in the director's chair was one of the greatest privileges an actor could receive. Well, thanks, Bill. Thanks very much. Good night, Mal. Good night, everyone. And good night to you, William Powell and Malcolm St. Clair. Tomorrow begins another weekend. Two wonderful days to picnic on the beach, swim in the lake, or just relax on your own back porch. Be sure you have plenty of papped blue-ribbon beer cooling in your refrigerator. Enjoy your holiday with friends and neighbors and papped blue ribbon. Finest beer served anywhere. Your taste will tell you why. Love Crazy was presented by Arrangement with Metro Golden Mayor, Robert Sinner, starring Gregory Peck, Ava Gardner, and Melvin Douglas. William Powell also appeared by Arrangement with Metro Golden Mayor, who soon will release Madame Bovary, starring Jennifer Jones, James Mason, and Van Heflin, included in tonight's cast where Maryship of Susan Ireland, Gloria Blondell as Isabelle Grayson, and Hans Conreed, Guildstrafton, Herbert Rawlinson, Bill Johnstone, and Dan Riss. Love Crazy was adapted for radio with dramatic direction by Bill Karn. Portions of tonight's broadcast were transcribed. Listen again next week when Papped Blue Ribbon presents Screen Directors Playhouse, Production, Appointment for Love, Director, William Citer, Star, Charles Boyet. Screen Directors Playhouse is brought to you by the Papped Brewing Company of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, New York, New Jersey, and Peoria, Illinois, and sent your way with the best wishes of the Papped Blue Ribbon dealers This is NBC, The National Broadcasting Company.