 O Zubalaihmanashayi Dhanirajim Bismillahirrahmanirrahim Salamunalaikum and welcome to tonight's live show on Imam Hussein TV Unfortunately throughout the ages there's been a disturbing topic as it were of wife beating, emotional abuse that women have suffered being chained, whipped, punched, locked up in the kitchens It's progressed throughout the decades, centuries and so on and so forth It is something that we cannot be escaped as it were from Every community, every race, every religion, colour, creed has faced this issue and it faces this issue continuing as well Islam and Muslims as well Numerous women have been abused, humiliated, publicly and at home Issues with their in-laws, cousins, father-in-law, husbands and so on and so forth However, according to some men, does the Holy Quran sanction this? Is there a verse that actually allows this of wife beating? With me tonight, we're joined once again with Dr. Syed Ahmad Naqshwani Thank you once again for joining on this particular show It's unfortunately a worrying issue, one that certain communities and I think perhaps all Muslim communities do not want to discuss and project for feeling of shame, dishonour, humiliation, embarrassment and so on and so forth So, without further ado, let's go quickly straight into Surah Nisar verse 34 which is the all important verse as it were because a lot of people will look at that verse and say Well, this is what your holy book says This is why I am allowed to do this It's justified and so on and so forth Let's really dwell into each area of this particular verse I'm going to read out the verse itself and what I've done is I've dissected it into a number of areas So the first part is men are in charge of women by right of what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend for maintenance from their wealth That's the first part Second part So righteous women are devoutly obedient guarding in the husband's absence what Allah would have them guard and this is the all important part now but those wives from whom you fear arrogance first advise them then if they persist, forsake them in bed and finally strike them but if they obey you once more seek no means against them Indeed, Allah is ever exalted and grand Sayyidna, for the viewers' attention also for myself how would you explain this particular verse which is verse 34 of Surah Nisa Well, the wife beating verse is always seen as probably the most controversial verse I would say in the Holy Quran Controversial for Muslims and non-Muslims Absolutely Because if you're a Muslim with a particular epistemology, a particular worldview particular moral framework by which you want to live your life and which you believe the religion of Islam discusses and has ordained for you then when you see a verse of the Holy Quran saying and then beat them you begin to ask yourself a question that is this what God intended because none of us would ever want to see our mothers or our wives or our sisters or our daughters beaten black and blue and so when one looks at such an eye of the Holy Quran one begins to reassess their understanding of God their understanding of religion their understanding of that which they were raised with from a young age when you find that some ladies in the Muslim community have become atheists normally it's on the basis of looking at a verse like this so either it's because of the hypocrisy of some members of the Muslim community that's on the one hand or it's because they feel that a lot of the modern day scholarship is quite archaic or because they believe that a book that allows you to beat a woman because you feared some arrogance from her is not a book that should be followed then you have those who haven't left the religion of Islam but when they're looking at this verse of the Holy Quran they make an interesting point they are normally termed as a group of feminist scholars and I think sometimes that term is given to them unfairly I think there are some men who have a very arrogant way of looking at women already sometimes the way their fathers viewed women or the way their religious scholar friends view women had an influence on them so when they see the likes of let's say Wadood and Keisha Ali Asma Said, Barlas, others when they see their interpretations and Chaudry who's written a whole book on this verse when they see their interpretations they begin to say oh this is typical feminist interpretation but even when you are translating the verse from the beginning English can never do justice to Arabic number two the translator may be a male with a male worldview where is this translator coming from? is he coming sincere to the text or is he coming from an angle where he wants to ensure that the hierarchical structure of thought within his society when he's translating is reflected in the way he wants the Quran to be translated we know very well even when you're studying history you have what's known as historiography as well and sometimes the way the person writes history their political or theological inclinations have an effect on the way they write history likewise when it comes to Tafsir likewise when it comes to translation of the Holy Quran sometimes your political or theological inclination or even the social milieu within which you grew up has an effect so at the beginning of your translation for example Hajj Muhammad you said men are in charge of women yes you interestingly didn't quote the Arabic no so no one's ever going to say men are in charge of women and that's the worldview many are brought up on that men are in charge of women whereas Qawama can easily also be translated as men are the maintainers of women that part of your obedience to God as a man is that you maintain your wife there's a lovely verse in the Holy Quran which before we go into this one allows you to understand what's happening in Arabian society at the time and this is fundamental no book emerges in a vacuum no of course I've got to look at the context absolutely you know when is this being revealed what is the mentality of the Arabs at the time and there's this one verse which I love in the Holy Quran which talks about your wife and says they are a clothing for you yes and a garment a garment for you and you are a garment for them it's very interesting that nobody ever looks at such verses to try and provide an understanding of what should be the worldview of how a man respects that equal that is his wife yes and so when the ayah says the ayah is saying they are a garment for you you are a garment for them meaning what does the garment do for us two things one a garment protects us yes you're protecting your wife she protects you you may be protecting your wife financially she may be protecting your honor that's right number two the garment beautifies you yes you're a form of beautification for her she's a form of beautification for you the Quran at this stage is taking this very arrogant Arab male right who finds it normal to beat their wives there's no discussions between them when there's an issue when I want to hit you I'll hit you I'll slap you not just slap you I'm ready to bury you because you're a female yeah when I'm looking at this verse I need to understand that the verse is being introduced to a society which finds it very normal to bury their daughters because they would say that their daughters have no use for them because their daughters will not help them on the battlefield yeah and their daughters may end up running with someone else from another tribe right or their daughters will not help them in the world of business of course all three of these got shattered on the day of Uhud it was a lady who was more brave than many of Muhammad's companions peace be upon him and his family and then you have when it came to business Sayed Akhadija proved all of them wrong and when it came to one's daughter marrying someone who may be an enemy Abu Sofyan's daughter married someone by the name of the prophet Muhammad peace be upon his family who turned out to be the best husband she could have ever dreamed of but anyway these Arab men there was nothing there whatsoever they taught them to remain patient right forgive your wife's mistake okay show compassion show empathy to these men the moment I suspect that there's something wrong in my marriage then it's normal for me that I could be able to hit her slap her beat her now the Quran what it's trying to do is slowly try and tell them listen step by step don't rush into this thing that I have to hit this lady okay violent yes so the ayah first begins by telling them that you have a duty and your duty is that you maintain your wife God has gifted you that you're able to maybe do certain jobs at that time that they cannot you're bringing in income it's obligatory on you that you look after them and that you protect them and that the good wife likewise yes is one who's obedient to her husband not because of the husband but rather obedient to a higher source a divine obedient to the Lord yes they maintain the honor of their household not revealing everything no quite true maintaining the honor of their household protecting the honor of that household the Quran was slowly trying to introduce and it's interesting that the Quran remains the only book that has a chapter called Nisa and the Quran is trying to introduce that these aren't cattle for you these aren't slaves of yours they have duties but you have duties they can make mistakes you can make mistakes if you fear an indecency from any of them those of your wives who you fear an indecency from it could happen there's a husband for example sees that there's a certain behavior from the wife that he doesn't necessarily approve of and this behavior has to be a behavior that goes against the codes of the religion not a behavior where as the curry always got too much salt in it or why is your bread too hard or why did you not say salam to my mother in that particular way that's not fearing an indecency from one's partner the Quran is being real excuse me in which sense the Quran is saying that it could happen in a marriage that you fear an indecency from someone from your partner when you fear this indecency you don't slap them straight away you don't hit them you don't kick them there are some who have this impression that the moment I feel that the wife has set something out of place then I should be able to slap her the moment I feel for example the wife questions something about the prophet Muhammad the moment I feel that my wife for example was speaking to a friend of mine I don't want to speak to them then the first resort for many of these Arab men would normally be what let me let me get the leather and belt her let me kick her because many of the Muslim men today in sadly some of the most primitive societies have brought back that jahiliyat so now what we have is the Quran is saying don't fear an indecency from those who those who you could see an indecency from talk to them softly and admonish them admonish in which way if I did something wrong for example and I you want to admonish me how would you admonish me if I did something wrong by grabbing me by the throat by choking me by kicking me by choking them by the throat if you look in the Quran Allah SWT said and the best invite towards the way of Allah she has done something wrong not even done something you fear that she may be heading towards doing something wrong so what should you do if you fear. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says, invite towards my way with wisdom and with a kind word. And talk in a way which can be seen as being better. If she's raised her voice and said something abusive, cursing, talk in a way which is better. For some of these Arab men, they found that difficult because normally they'd go to the third part of that verse and that's what I notice, that when people attack this verse in the Holy Quran, they straight away say, but your book allows wife beating. Okay, but let's start at the beginning. Yes, start at the beginning. When you're starting from the beginning, men and women, like in Christianity, a priest may speak to a husband or wife telling them these are your rights, these are your rights, these are your duties, these are your duties. But somewhere along the line, in your marriage, there may be a problem that comes up. When that problem comes up, don't just hit her, slap her, this is disgusting. This is not part of the teachings. First, admonish, sit with her and say that, look, that's a certain area that I'm not too happy with. Human beings, human being, we all slip up. We can all err. That lady who's your wife may err. And so if she does err, sit with her and talk with her in a manner which is befitting of the moral conduct that the Holy Prophet, peace be upon him and his family has set, let's say she doesn't listen. What then happens? Because it can happen that 95% of the marriages out there you have some of the most humble wives you can ever have because their parents brought them up wonderfully. But they may be going through a difficult spiritual period. It can happen. True. And the Quran says that you're fearing an indecency. You've had a word with her, but you see a few weeks later the same issue. Still the Quran says, violence, no way. Because the verse says what? What? What are you afraid of? What are you afraid of? What are you afraid of? What are you afraid of? What are you afraid of? For example, now I'm sitting with my wife and she's done something out of turn, something indecent. Maybe she hasn't done, I just fear something. Some men go crazy over suspicion. Some will lash just on suspicion. Or paranoia and so on. Paranoia and so on. So at that moment when she is speaking, I speak to her in a soft way, then after that, Separation of the beds, some can see it in two ways. Either you got to take the sofa downstairs, I'm sleeping upstairs. As we have in our language today. Yeah. Or you lean to one side of the bed or you turn your face away in the bed. Right, right. As a sign that you're not really happy with what's happening. It doesn't literally mean It doesn't literally mean that a person has to leave the bedroom. And for example, sleep downstairs. No, it could mean, for example, that person goes to the other side of the bed. Most men don't mind. Because most men, when the wife wants to hug, in some cases will be like, you know, okay, okay, cool, you know, just get off of me and go to sleep on the other side of the bed. Because the wives love to come and give a hug. And sometimes that wife looks for that attention as well. Yeah, sure. Where at that moment when she's yearning for that attention from you, she notices that attention is not coming, for example. When she notices that you're not even looking at her. Men at the best of times when the wife needs a bit of emotional chat and care is not there. Then when you're making it clear that listen, what you're doing, this indecency that I fear from you, I don't even want to look at you. Yeah, yeah, you don't give me that attention. At that moment, you'll find many will be like, you know what, I'm sorry. And we have so many wonderful Muslim women in our communities who are so patient with some of the most difficult husbands. But even when they do something which isn't wrong, it's just not what he likes. They're still willing to be soft hearted. But the Quran says this could be a second step or Arab who's used to lashing out or Arab who was used to burying the daughter alive. This could be a second step that you may consider. Then comes the controversy. Yes. Then what does the Quran say? Wadri Buhan. Right. Wadri Buhan brings a lot of issues because Wadri Buhan translated one second if we go back to English where you said, You said, men are in charge of women. Yes. We said, men are the maintainers of women. Likewise, Wadri Buhan, some said, Wadri Buhan means beat. Okay. There are some who have this paradigm that you don't look at the world of hadith. Right. If the Quran says, Wadri Buhan, that means you beat your wife. Beat them with what? There's this interesting explanation that many try and give. And that is, tap her. Okay. With like a feather touch or a mishwak. Mishwak, yes, yes. And then you begin to wonder what's happening there. What exactly does this mean? The most far-fetched opinion will be that mishwak tap is symbolic. Okay. That this relationship is nearly ending. Okay. Then you've got one extreme of scholars who actually believe that. No, no. You actually believe that? No, maybe the Quran was intending that you beat the wife. There are some who believe that. Right. They say because in that primitive society, the only way you are going to get that lady who you fear has been indecent, you've talked to her. To be obedient. She doesn't care. And then after talking to her and her not caring, you've then clearly turned your face away in the bed. Doesn't care. She continues to do what you've told her. You don't want her to do. So she's blatantly going against what you're asking from her in your marriage. Yeah. Some said in that primitive society, in some primitive societies, if you say Arabia was a period of jaheliya ignorance, there are some primitive societies where the only way you are able to show the seriousness of this issue, marriage-wise, is to beat your wife. Now, do we accept this? That's still an important question. One extreme was saying miswak. Another was saying, well, you may have to beat. Because in that society in Arabia, beating that lady was the only way that those ladies were gonna recognize that after I've spoken to you softly, after we've separated the beds, if you're still doing what I've told you is wrong, then I'm gonna have to hit you. Problem with that, it could become a moral paradigm for anyone to abuse. Yeah, sure. Okay, you could say that that was a primitive society. Which has happened, yeah. And that people can abuse that. Because there are some Muslim men who could turn around and say, well, you know what? It's there. And the hadith scholars say it's allowed. And let me be clear on something. Okay. I believe it was abused as soon as the Prophet Muhammad died, peace be upon his family. I think that after the Prophet Muhammad died, I think there were famous Muslim men who, if you read the books of hadith, have laid fingers on their wives. If not their wives on their daughters, but definitely on their wives. Right. Or on other people's wives. Now, I don't wanna mention their names. No, no, no. I don't wanna go into any area where people start saying, well, you know what? Don't bring up these people's names and so on. So then how do I look at this verse? Some said, Dharaba here, like any word in Arabic can have many different meanings. Some have found 13 meanings for Dharaba. Right. Normally when people talk about Dharab, it means hit, strike. Okay. It can also mean to separate. It can also mean to travel. I see. To go away from. Right. You know how you have some marriages where the husband sees that his wife may be doing something wrong. Has a word and say that, listen, this what you're doing is not something that I'm happy with. She's not listening. Then after that he separates the bed, meaning that he may not look at her when he goes to sleep, not listening. Then after that he says, listen, this marriage is really now in its last moments. Yeah. Let's travel away from each other. Right. And that period of separation, and some do it. They separate for six months, one year, to see if there's anything left in the relationship or not. Yeah. For a person to say that the only meaning of Dharab in Arabic is to strike or beat. It's not correct. It's like the word Mola. Right. The word Mola has over 20 meanings. And sometimes we need either Qareena muttasala or Qareena munfasala and al-mal-usul. There is either a context to the meaning within the sentence or separate from the sentence, which allows us to understand the usage of this. Now you have some ulama who say, Ahlul Bayt, a.s. are vital in our understanding of this verse. Yeah, absolutely. How? If the Prophet, peace be upon him, and his family is going through a rocky moment in his relationship, where there may be an accusation of indecency against one of his wives, as we saw, for example, in the Sura known as Nur, the Sura Light, there's an accusation of one of his wives, supposedly the communities rounded up and said that one of his wives has committed adultery. Adultery, yes. There's no ever evidence that the Prophet, Muhammad, peace be upon his family, hit or beat his wives. I remember coming across one tradition from one of the wives who tried to say that he struck me, but I don't take traditions from her. Other schools may see her as a reliable narrator. She doesn't really interest me in terms of who I take my narrations from. Okay. But in terms of the way he was with his wives, I'm sure you've researched the traditions. Yes, yes, yes. About how he says you treat your wives. If the Prophet, Muhammad, peace be upon him and his family, tells me, hit your wife, then he is the very embodiment of the ayah of the Quran. Don't you agree? Absolutely, absolutely. Because what are the Ahlul Bayt, Alaym Al Salam? And this is a fundamental point that I'd like to mention to all the viewers. When you see an ayah in the Quran, you're uncertain about its application. Is alcohol halal or haram? Are these types of relationships because of rape they are looked down upon or because of love? Are these things acceptable or acceptable? Always look at what Ahlul Bayt, Alaym Al Salam, have commented on the issue. Of course. I have found recently someone asked me, but alcohol specifically in the Quran, if you look at the ayahs, there is no ayah that uses the word haram. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I met someone else who recently said to me, in the Quran, there is no ayah that says, cover your hair. Right. Says, Likewise with this ayah, they say, let's look at what Ahlul Bayt have said because as the Prophet said, I have left behind for you two weighty things. Hold on to them, you will never go straight. The Quran and my Ahlul Bayt. Naturally. The Ahlul Bayt are the ones who explain to me alcohol, halal or haram. Yes, you're right. The ayah says, They say there's no word haram next to So therefore, maybe the Quran is saying, we recommend for you not to drink alcohol, for example. Or when the Quran says, Or do not pray while you're drunk. Or that, Who tells me then if alcohol is haram or halal? Who tells me if hijab, khimar refers to covering the head or not? Who tells me about Wadr Ibn Hanh does it refer to this one? And I'll add a disclaimer here. Not every single tradition even that has come to us from the Ahlul Bayt is necessarily to be taken. Some might be sent to Qiyyah. Yeah. Because if you disagree with the authorities of the time coming with problems, some even blatantly fabricated some of the hadith and attributed them to Imam Al-Baqr and Imam Al-Sadaq, alayhum salam. You read the traditions of people like Mughira and others who blatantly were involved in the wholesale fabrications that can be seen between the time of Imam al-Sadaq and Imam Al-Radaq. So now when we come to this, are there traditions from the Ahlul Bayt? What does the Ahlul Bayt say? Let's read out a few now. So with me here now, we have the Prophet once said, I am astonished at a man who beats his wife whereas it is he himself more than his wife who deserves a beating. I am astonished that's a man. A man who beats his wife. So that is obviously going against the interpretation. The interpretation of those who say Wanderable Hunna is to beat or to strike. Another one. One should never torture one's wife physically or otherwise because whoever does so has violated the norms set out by Allah and his messenger, said the Prophet. How does any one of you beat his wife as he beats his stallion and then embrace her, said the Prophet? This is an interesting narration. How does one of you beat their wives like they beat their stallion and then embrace her? You as a man, you think it's normal that you can punch this lady, kick this lady and then afterwards it's normal for you to go to the bedroom and have a relation with her. Therefore, when I look at the lives of the Prophet peace be upon his family or I look at the lives of the Ahlul Bayt, Al-Salam, is there one member of the Ahlul Bayt, Al-Salam, who has ever been narrated to have slapped his wife? Now, some might say, but these are the Ahlul Bayt. All their wives are decent. All their wives were religious. Can you name any Imams of the Ahlul Bayt who are difficult wives? Imam Hassan. Imam Al-Hassan, Al-Salam, married to Juwda, the daughter of Al-Ash'ath bin Qais. Imam Al-Jawad, Al-Salam. Married to Umul Fad, the daughter of Al-Ma'mun. Imam Al-Baqir, Al-Salam was married to a lady who cursed Imam Ali bin Abi Talib, Al-Salam. Is there any tradition that says that the Ahlul Bayt slapped them? Beat them? Never. Hit them? All of these are the acts of people who are not followers of Ahlul Bayt, Al-Salam. A man who lays a finger on their wife is far from the teachings of the Prophet peace be upon his family. For people to look at that word and say, but you know this is just a primitive society. It's like those, they remind me of those who say when Adam and Eve had their sons, their sons married their sisters. Incest. But incest was only allowed for that time. Let's see. Yeah, hold on. What do you mean incest was only allowed for that time? Incest is either morally wrong and I think you could go to a non-Muslim out there and he can be able to tell you between the hus'ul and the qab'uh of something like incest. Yeah, truly. They'll say straight away this is qab'ih. There's not something to be described as hasa. And so likewise in this area, the problem is when we then do interpret wadribul hun with this, people say you're being apologetic. Yeah. They say that you'll be, it's not me being apologetic. I have a problem with Islam. If Islam as a religion promotes beating one's wife. Yeah. I have a problem. Yes. I have to be true to myself. I'm not following the religion because my parents forced me to. I'm not following the religion blindly. I'm not following the religion without questioning for in the Quran. Yes. Al-Khamri. Yes. Al-Maheeb. Yes. Al-Saa'a. Yes. Al-Ahila. They're asking questions because they want to reach a level of yaqeen when they're talking to this prophet. Yes. Likewise, I'm asking questions. My prophet, peace be upon his family, never laid a finger on any of their wives. No matter what. No matter what. They certainly had difficult wives. Yeah. Yeah. We've seen history. And two of them killed them. Yeah. But for a person to say that the Quran is that which sanctions this, we find that the Ahlul Bayt are the best example of what embodies the Quran. Others, if we were to look at the action of others, after the Prophet, peace be upon his family, died, I can show you traditions about others. Yes. Who hit their wives. Forget their wives. They were ready to hit other people's wives. Other people's wives. Yeah. Yeah, subhanAllah. Thank you, Dr. Seda. Viewers, we'll be going into a break. Do call to pose your questions to Dr. Seda Amal Nakshmani. Telephone number is 0203 515 019. WhatsApp also your questions. 07 939 917 163. Once again, WhatsApp. 07 939 917 163. Shala will be going for a short break and to do join us again very shortly. Salaamu Alaikum. Salaamu Alaikum and welcome back to tonight's topic on Imam Hussein TV. Wife beating and emotional abuse suffered by women. With me tonight, we have Dr. Sayyid Amal Nakshmani. Salaamu Alaikum. Alaikum assalam wa rahmatullah. Dr. Sayyid Amal Nakshmani, we have a interesting verse as it were, a surah as it were in the Holy Quran. The pleading woman, Surah Mujadillah. Now, what I'm curious to understand is how actually God views, you know, the position of a woman. But before we get to that, let's just read out the translation of the first verse as it were. Certainly Allah heard the speech of the one who argues with you, O Muhammad concerning her husband and directs her complaint to Allah. So we have a woman, a pleading woman, a wife who then makes a complaint to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. What is this exactly about? How does Allah view a woman in this position? Yeah, it's a fascinating title of the Holy Quran, you know, for Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to name a surah about a lady pleading to God about her ill treatment, her emotionally abusive marriage. Many people in my position talk about physical abuse. Many neglect how many women out there are emotionally abused in their marriages, where their husbands blackmail them, where their husbands in some ways torture them with their words, sometimes with their silence, sometimes with other family members, sometimes having the backing of the male scholarship in society that could oppress them. And you know, when you look at the titles of chapters of the Quran, it's interesting, some chapters are named after prophets, like Nooh, Ibrahim, the Holy Prophet, PCB upon his family. Some chapters of the Holy Quran are named after tribes, like for example, Bani Israel. Some chapters of the Holy Quran are named after positions which you reach spiritually, a mu'minun, mu'nafiqun, kafirun. Sure. This chapter is so unique, that God reveals a whole chapter in honor of this lady, Khawla, who pleaded to God to stop in one way or the other, or to listen to her pleading against the emotional abuse that her husband was showing towards her. Right. The first verse of this chapter highlights something unique. It's the only verse in the Holy Quran where God says, he's hearing three times, the all hearing. The Quran says, Allah hears the cry. Okay. Of the one who argues with you about the treatment of her husband and pleads to God, and God is the all hearing. This is wonderful because what God's showing many out there in their marriages today is if you're emotionally being abused, don't worry. I hear your call for help. Okay. That arrogant husband of yours thinks that because publicly he is seen as religious, in Muharram he wears black, he goes to Ziyarah. The people see him know how to have the formalities. They don't see him at home. Tell your husband, I hear every black mailing that he's ever done to you. Okay. I hear when he oppresses you. I hear when he speaks arrogantly to you. I hear when he emotionally abuses you. You know, some of the most knowledgeable people in Islam are sometimes the most arrogant to their wives. They know the Quran, they know the Hadiths, but they're extremely arrogant. Now, what happened in this story? Yes. Husband, for example, comes home, wants something from his wife. She's not ready at that moment to offer him what he wants. Okay. They used to have this formula. They used to pronounce in Arabia, which I think verse two mentions. If you're able to read verse two for us. Yes, certainly. So those who pronounce the Zihar. Those who pronounce the Zihar. Yeah, I'm going to you to separate from their wives. The Zihar in Arabic, Zahar is back. Is back? You're back. I see. Is Zahar. The Zihar is when a person says to their wife, you are to me like the back of my mother. Arabian formula means that I've got no relations with you. You are to me like the back of my mom. Right. And this guy would just leave the house. I came home. You didn't look after me the way I wanted you to look after me. Like some men today might come home. And if they notice that the wife just wants to have a conversation with you. You know what? I'm tired. I want to go out. Sometimes two days a week. And there's someone's daughter you've married. There's not a slave. There's not an animal sitting at home who's serving you. The Quran straight away revealed the chapter. Because when this lady came to tell the Prophet that is this fair? Yeah. That these men just come home. If they don't like what they're seeing at home, they just walk out. And they arrogantly tell me who's looking after the kids, looking after the house. That you know what you are to me? You're like the back of my mom. Mother. There's a disrespect and an insult to her. Because you're shattering her confidence. Confidence. Yeah. You know there are some men. You know what Islam said? One of the greatest things to say to your wife is I love you. Yeah. One of the best things to do when you come back from a journey is to give her a gift. There are some men in our communities who can shatter their wife's confidence. Now if you want to say something as a man. Say for example, and if we're going to be very frank, you as a man might say to the Mrs. that listen, you've put on a bit of weight. Now this is a very sensitive area. Sure. Because this could cause an earthquake. Yeah. Now there's two ways to look at this. There's the man who's like, you look quite fat from there. And that's, you know, that is emotional abuse. Some even find that worse than the physical. Yeah. Because at that moment, there's no tend innocence. No. No. Now what's happening there for a surat al-Mujadala is Allah has said, قَدْ سَمِعَ اللَّهُ قَوْلَ اللَّةِ تُجَادِلُكَ فِي زَوْجِهَ وَ تَشْتَكِهِ There's a shakwa in Urdu. A complaint. You know, remember Iqbal's famous poetry. The complaint and the reply to the complaint and so on. A shakwa, تَشْتَكِي, اشْتِكِي. All of these are different derivatives of a person who has a complaint. Can you imagine at that time if their husbands just walked away from the house? Am I divorced or am I separated? I've got no one to stand up for me and sometimes Muslim men are very clever that when they've married a girl, some marry girls from back home, for example. They know their parents aren't there, they oppress them more. Right. They abuse them more, emotionally more. And look, a slip of the tongue happens. No one is my soul. No, no. But when a person sits back and reflects, then at that moment an apology is warranted. Yes. Emotional abuse, sadly, in our communities, when you've seen that this lady is working her socks off, looked after the kids, taking them to school, looked after them with homework, provides you with the best of meals when none of these are obligatory on her. Men are very good at saying what's their rights. I have a right that you have to ask my permission before you leave. She doesn't need to do all of this. Why don't she list all of these for you? Yes, yes. Men straightaway jump on that. Sure. That you cannot leave the house without my permission. Okay, buddy, if you're gonna talk about what rights you have over her, acknowledge that amount of things that she's let go of which she doesn't have to do. Sure, sure. And then you come home and you find it normal to say you are to be at the back of my mother? Yeah. In the books of Islamic law, such a formula requires a kafara to be paid. Okay. We'll come back to that very quickly. Say no, we just got some questions coming in now via WhatsApp. Salaam, question from Syed. What do women do when they go for help to community leaders regarding an unjust husband who hasn't fulfilled a single right of his? Community leaders, yeah. Community leaders sometimes are the worst to give you advice. Yeah, yeah. Single right of his and has taken her rights and wealth and is now defaming her for being an ill character. Yeah, community leaders, yeah. Do you see a high rise of gay men in our community? Well, community leaders chat absolute, in some cases, can chat absolute nonsense and other cases can give you wonderful wisdom. It varies. I don't know why people go to Maulana's when it comes to marital issues. I think people should go to men of wisdom who don't necessarily wear the religious garb. I think we have people who've been married for 34 years. They're good people to gain advice from. Right. This idea that you go to Maulana's, as if Maulana's are the very embodiment of hikma. Some Maulana's are the embodiment of ilm, they're knowledgeable, but wisdom-wise, leave a lot to be desired. So I think that some of our community leaders are not the healthiest people in terms of the religious garb, in terms of the ones to give you advice when you're going through a bad time. But hey, people see the religious dress, they think everyone underneath it has a pure heart. Yeah, sure. Okay, next question is, you know, it's clear that Ahlul Bayt embodies the Quran, but non-Muslim would still ask, does this mean that the Quran and the ayah is not correct or authentic? How would you tackle that? That's an excellent question. The fact is that for a person to perform an interpretation of the Holy Quran, there are a number of things which are required. The knowledge of pre-Islamic Arabian culture, pre-Islamic Arabian poetry, Arabic grammar. Okay. All of these are fundamental. I need to know these words in the Quran. How were they used? How were the poets using them? How were the Arabs using them? Okay, I see. There is no way that you can take a text. Whether it's in Latin, Aramaic, Hebrew, Arabic, all of these you need to understand what are the different usages of that word. Yeah, sure. Let me give you an example. Okay. How sometimes English doesn't do justice to Arabic. The word for blind in Arabic, if you ask many people, when you say someone is blind, the word normally in Arabic is A'ma. Okay. They see someone who's blind, they'll say A'ma. Okay. But when Jesus cures the blind, the blind are referred to as A'kma. In English, when you translate A'kma and A'ma, both are blind. Right. Someone who reads the Quran will think blind, blind, they don't read the Arabic. If they read the Arabic, A'ma, it's blind. A'kma is blind. Yeah. So someone says, what's the difference? A'kma is only eyesight on the physical level. I see. A'ma can be your physically blind or blind in your heart. So now, when a person comes and tells me, is the Prophet controlling the Quran, is the Quran, no, no. I have to look at that word. The context. Give you another two. Qista, Adla. Adala, faqsipu. Sometimes when you see the translation in English, just, just, just, just. But we know there are different levels of justice. There's Adala, there's Insaaf, there's Qista. So what I'm saying is also when it comes to words like dharaba, these are many meanings. It's mola, many meanings. We have to look at the context as it were. A person has to delve deep into understanding the different usages. Okay, okay. Thank you, Shukr and Flatt. Two questions here now. And it's not a rude question. We're obviously mature adults here, but I'll still read it out. You mentioned beating the wife with the leather is not permitted. What about if she enjoys it? So she enjoys it, there's no issue. She enjoys it, there's no problem there. As-salamu alaykum, sayyid-a-maru. Very good show. What about the wives who hit their husbands? There are some bad ladies who hit their husbands. I don't think there are many wives who hit their husbands for no reason. In some cases, there is an extreme arrogance from some husbands, extreme rudeness. You know, a wife, if you are showing the best akhlaq, then there are some who won't show the best akhlaq and they remain loyal for life. Let alone if you're showing the best akhlaq, therefore if your wife has reached a level where she's hitting you, then maybe there needs to be a reflection on some of your behavior and some of your mannerisms. Because these are rare cases and when they happen that it's sad and it's not, of course, the best behavior, but you as a man have to reflect on what made this lady reach this stage. Now, if that lady maybe has certain issues with her health, then a person should seek to go to sit with those who can help. But in some cases, the men have to look at themselves in the mirror. Sure, okay. Salaam, Sayyed, Ahmad Ali. Kudos on this much needed series, my question. And this is a question from a sister from Sydney, Australia. It's quite a long question. If a girl is forcefully married, then emotionally or financially abused in the marriage for over a decade and wants a way out. What course of action and rights does Islam provide the woman with? Given she has no support network and the abuse is not tangible. So that's the first part. The husband has made it clear that he won't let her go and she is the one who has to initiate separation if she ever has the guts to. From a religious standpoint, does the mother have to give up her children in the possibility of a divorce as losing children is what holds her back? Also, does the man have any financial responsibilities upon separation or divorce? Thank you in advance. So there's quite a few issues there. If you want me to repeat. Well, we have our show coming, inshallah, next Tuesday is our show. Not next Monday, next Tuesday. Our show will be looking at divorce. But suffice for me to say that I think divorce has been made culturally difficult. Islamically, it's never been that difficult. Culture has made divorce difficult. Right, right. In some cases, innocently, because you don't want to make it easy for people just to break up and then regret it. But in many cases, oppressively, the mo'allaqa and the rates of the mo'allaqa, the one who's been made to hang on because of the arrogance of the husband or the partner and not get a divorce and then have mo'allanas who stubbornly side with a husband who's been a menace in a relationship. And when I read some of the traditions about divorce and the time of the Prophet, it was as simple as I want to divorce. Why? I'm not attracted to him. Okay. And inshallah, next week, we'll look at the fact that even a woman having the authority to have a divorce, which is always frowned upon and said, no, you can't. Your husband has to initiate. Even that is open to question. And the reality is there are many out there who are forced to stay in marriages either because of dads who were caring about their rep more than their daughter's life or because of mo'allanas who sided with the husbands. Or because of a culture that did not follow the religion the way the religion said things should be made easy and not of hardship. Okay. But we'll discuss further. Yeah, sure. We'll take one more question and then we'll revert back to your points about verse one, so Mojad Allah. I got married to a guy from back home. I chose him myself. He was in London when I met him. He's in the UK now. Never worked a single day. And I did not mind providing for him. Situation is he got extremely physically violent over the tiniest thing. EGR asked for 10 minutes to get ready. Emotional, mental, financial abuse is what I went through. Do I have a right to divorce him even if he isn't given me a divorce? Thank you. A person can go to the rep of their marjah. Say you are a moqallid of Aitullah Sistani. May Allah lengthen his life. Insha'Allah. You can go to the one who he has appointed as the rep. And that person will make a phone call. He doesn't even need to meet the person, your husband. He will ask him, are you fulfilling your obligations financially or not? Right. The moment the person says he's not. Because either he is and he has to prove it. Yeah. If he says no, then automatically divorce happens. You don't even need anybody else involved. Right. Okay. So this is one of the ways and more will be discussed on the different ways. But I do plead with some of our brothers and sisters out there. If I'm talking to the fathers, please, your daughter who's been raised in London the whole of her life, don't just tell her, listen, we have a cousin in... India or Pakistan. India or Pakistan or wherever. Yeah, yeah. Where you're going to have to marry them because of so-and-so. Let's sometimes, the upbringing mentalities are complete. Absolutely. And some girls are being oppressed with these marriages. Yeah, sure. Okay, so just to go back, you were quite beautifully describing and elaborating on verse one on the pleading woman. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and so this lady, Khawla, firstly, it was easy for her to go and visit the Prophet, peace be upon his family, and tell him, secondly, that I'm being treated badly. Right. And thirdly, the Quran was now showing God's actually part of your development all Muslims. Okay. God hasn't just created the earth and is watching what's happening. Because now imagine, the chapter is revealed. And I remember that Omar bin Al-Khattab, when he was Caliph, one day, Khawla looks at him and she says to him, she doesn't call him by the name Omar. And she says to him, make sure that you are just now that you have become Khalifa. And so Omar's companion looks bewildered because he's thinking, Omar bin Al-Khattab normally, no woman can get away with talking like that to him without being on the receiving end of something or another. And at that moment he says to him, how do you let her get away with it? And he was like, how can I reply back to someone who Allah revealed the chapter of the Quran in honor of her? Come late. So even years later, that lady who Sura was revealed because of her pleading cry about the emotional abuse that she suffered, you found that the likes of Omar were in awe of how they couldn't reply back to her because she was the first to really speak out for women who were emotionally abused. In our societies today, there are men who tell their wives, for example, that because you said something wrong, I'm going to lock you in the house today. I'm going to take your phone away. I'm going to take your credit cards away. I'm going to force you to be at home with the kids. This has nothing to do with Islam. This is rubbish culture or parents who are rubbish upbringing, instilling it in their sons. And then there are those husbands out there, they're sitting with their wife, she's given birth. Biologically, psychologically, emotionally, after the wife has given birth, she may not look like what she looked like before. There is a period to regain that figure. And you'll find the husband will mock. He'll blatantly in front of the television say, look how beautiful this actress is, you're not like. It's disgraceful. It's disgraceful. There are some who turn around and say, you know what, you're getting fatter now. You're someone I don't want to be seen in public with. There are some husbands. They don't like the look of their wives, so they don't actually take them out in public. And the wife begins to sense this as well. And you think that he's Brad Pitt. This is the irony. You think he's some really gorgeous Hollywood actor. You look at him and you're thinking, this one's the one who's ashamed. But as we saw with the Prophet in the Ahl al-Bayt, and especially Imam Ali and Faqon al-Zaqra al-Mustanah, there's a wonderful marriage there. It's romantic. It's love. It's cooperation. It's patience. It's a unique, unique relationship. She's young. She has four kids. Never do we hear him say to her, look at your bodily change. Because Imam al-Hassan, Imam al-Hussain, say to Zaynab, andum kultum, one's after the other, and then muhsin. Yes. So Faqon al-Zaqra has five kids within nine years. Do you ever hear Imam Ali al-Hassan say, you become fat or? Never. Or Imam Ali al-Hassan ever turn around and mock her in front of his family. Or Imam Ali al-Hassan ever look elsewhere in that period post-pregnancy. You know, they tried to make an accusation that Imam Ali was interested in Abu Jahl's daughter, Joyriya, to try and destroy the wonderful emotional balance that him and Faqon al-Zaqra have. Yes. And you know that hadith, Faqon al-Zaqra, whoever angers, angers me, they say it was revealed because Imam Ali angered Faqon al-Zaqra. When he wanted to marry Joyriya, the daughter of Abu Jahl. So what we find with the Ahl al-Bayt Aaym al-Salam, there's these really tender moments. Imam Ali, when he describes Faqon al-Zaqra, Aayh al-Salam, those last moments, he shows an emotional edge to him which many Muslim husbands don't have. A soft-heartedness which is unique, a flower came from heaven, went to heaven, left its fragrance in my mind. He even describes when he's burying her and after he's buried her, these are difficult nights for me. Yeah, yeah. That's what a Muslim man was. Ali, son of Abu Talib, was the chivalrous human being who didn't find it embarrassing to praise his wife, to show love to his wife, to be soft with his wife. He didn't find it as something which lowered from his character. He was proud to actually extol his wife's achievements. And I hope this returns to the Muslim community. Insha'Allah, insha'Allah. We have one key question, Sayyidna. My question to you is that what would you say about those husbands who are so intelligent and sharp that they do not treat their wives badly but have the art of brainwashing them on a daily basis so that she cuts ties from all her family members, making her realize that her parents are evil. He even convinces her to stop the kids from talking to their grandparents. He also convinces her that it's okay to abuse them, i.e. her parents, publicly, because her parents deserve that and that the wife is so sure and patient with that because she thinks Allah has said that a woman who obeys her husband in everything is a woman who will get married straight away. So essentially emotional black... Yeah, emotional black man is really a big work. Where the husband will say, listen, if I hear that you're calling your mom, you leave. Yeah. Or if I hear that you're going to your parents' house, you leave. And she's going to her parents' house. What's the issue? She obeys you on areas where you're asking her to obey Allah and Salat al-Rahm is an area of obedience to Allah. And if you do find that your in-laws are problematic, cutting off the ties with them is not solving you and your wife's marital issues. On the contrary, a dua which is beautiful, which Imam Zayn al-Aabideen, alayhi salam, used to say, wa abdilni min boghzati ahli shana'an al-mahabla, wa min aqoq daw al-arhaam al-mabarra, wa min khidlan al-akrabin al-nosra, daw al-arhaam al-akrabin, ahli shana'an, all of these are the relatives who can show animosity and hate towards you. Imam Zayn al-Aabideen, alayhi salam, says, don't continue that animosity. Okay. Pray to Allah, change their animosity into love. This is unique, Ahlul Bayt. Ahlul Bayt, don't take this issue. Imam Al-Jawa'ah didn't tell his wife, Amal Fadal, I never want to see you talk to your dad again. Imam Al-Hassan didn't tell Al-Jawa'ah the daughter of Al-Ash'ath, sister of Muhammad, I don't want to see you interact. Ahlul Bayt, say, you've got your free will. Of course, if her parents are asking her to curse Allah, curse the Prophet, you know, stay away from Ahlul Bayt, that's a different story. Yes, yes. But I think that the Hadith of Imam Zayn al-Aabideen, alayhi salam, wa abdilni min maqdati ahli shana'an al-mahabba, wa min aqoo ghdaw al-arham al-mabarra, wa min khadlan al-akrabin al-nosra, is that dua all of us should recite. Right. Ya Allah, change the animosity of my relatives into love for me. Change those who are causing trouble for my relatives into a sort of unison with me. Change their hate into support. Build that in the character. Okay, okay, alhamdulillah. We'll take one more question before, inshallah, resuming back to the topic. We'll come to the part where I'm curious to find out if the Prophet had to face any difficulties. We'll come to that very shortly. I'll take the next question. Some women are over-emotional at specific times of the month and would see the slightest comment, maybe a type of emotional abuse. Is there anything in a religion that allows a couple to separate just for that period of time? It is all, you know, let's act as adults here. Yeah, you've got to be tolerant. I'm emotional at this time of month, so no, no, no. Biological changes happen. Yeah, sure. But you don't just use them because society says, oh, every woman at the time of month, she gets extra emotional, so if I'm going to raise my voice or get angry with you, then you have to be patient at every time. So what, we might as well have in a contract that every month you're going to have five days off. Yeah, that's the case. Then even I can have moments where I'm going to get emotional. So you have to have five days off from me. It's a higher level we should seek to. Yeah, sure. That shouldn't be used as an excuse. MPS, MBS, MSB, whatever the initials are these days. Okay, fine. So back to the topic now, say it now. The holy prophet, peace be upon him and that. I don't believe that Islam face difficulties as it were. You've alluded to a few imams that went through drugs. But the holy prophet. Well, the holy prophet, peace be upon his family, like prophet Nuh and prophet Lot before him, faced major difficulties with his wives, Nabi Nuh and Nabi Lot and the holy prophet, peace be upon him and his family. One surah in the Quran shows how much difficulties they faced with their wives, but shows they didn't lash out with them, except by seeking to keep the door of Toba open for them. Some husbands, the wife makes a mistake, punch, hit, kick, lash out, but the door of Toba doesn't close. Aisha and Hafsa gave the holy prophet, peace be upon his family, some of his most difficult moments. No Muslim can deny that. Of course, many Muslims will turn around and say, but they are humans, they can earn. They're absolutely right. But if you look at surah 66 verse one, verse three, verse four, verse five. Yā yuhann Nabi lima tuharrimā hallallāhu lāk. Tabtaqim ar-dhātah az-wājik. Oh Prophet of God, why do you make unlawful for yourself what Allah has made lawful for you? Of your wives. You wanna please your wives? Then wa'idah sarran nabi yuhilā b'āli az-wājih hadithah. The prophet told his wife a secret, she went and divulged to the other wife. We said that the good wife, they have a protection of what's in the unseen. They don't come out with the secrets of the household, whereas Hafsa would blatantly go and tell Aisha, if anyone out there is listening to this, surah 66 verse three, go and read the tafsir of surah 66 verse three, four and five. And what's interesting about those three, which we'll discuss even further next week, is how the Prophet, peace be upon his family, reaches a stage where Allah tells him, if you wanna divorce, divorce. Okay, okay. And next week, when we discuss the different areas of divorce, there is a belief that the Prophet, peace be upon his family, divorced. Some say he didn't, some say he did with one lady who had just married a month before he died. The option was there because he knew he was going to die and the option was there for her to be divorced. So it wasn't a problematic relationship. It was just, you know, a release. Yeah. Now, what you have here is the Aisha and Hafsa give major problems to the Prophet, peace be upon his family. And I can show this by the way, in surah al-Ahzab as well from verse 28 onwards, but in surah al-Tahreem. But the Quran says, in tatoobaa, Right. ila Allahi faqad saghat qulobo kamaa, in tatoobaa, if both of you repent to Allah, then your hearts are inclined. Their bad behavior towards the Prophet, their rudeness towards the Prophet, never hit, never slapped, didn't even emotionally blackmail. The door of tatooba is open for you. Yeah. And I think we need to open that door a bit more in our communities. Yes, yes, yes. Your wife's done something wrong. How many of you turn around and said, you know what, Allah's all forgiving. There's no harm discussing a sensitive issue. I'm not gonna just sit there with my wife and say to her, you know, Allah's all forgive, let's wait. No, we discuss it. Yeah, sure. Discuss it. This is what I feel about this issue. You can give me your opinion. I come back and forth. And sometimes there are some ladies who may not give in at that moment. Because sometimes, you know, all of us don't want to lose an argument or a debate or a point. But deep down, they know, you know, he's going all right, but I'm not gonna give in. Sure. And with you, you've just got to make it clear that, listen, I've seen certain things in life and maybe that's why I'm saying this thing. But everything has to be said with Akhla. Yes. The way you'd want your sister to be spoken to in her marriage. Yes. One of the worst feelings for anyone is when they hear their sister's being badly treated in her marriage. Isn't it? Of course. When I ask anyone out there, if they hear their sister's being hurt, emotionally or physically, it kills them, it breaks their heart. So how do you find it normal to do that someone else? Yes, absolutely. Say now, we have one more question. Asalaamu alaikum, Sayyed. I have a friend whose husband does not allow her to work, study and even go out on a daily basis. He does not abuse her physically but emotionally. What's to hook him if she starts going out behind his back? Thank you. Well, the right of the husband is that she has to ask his permission before leaving the house. Now, when we say that, a lot of people abuse this. You can't leave without it. No. And then there's a lot of people who live it wonderfully. The husband and wife are such a good relationship. Yeah. That he trusts her wholeheartedly. But in this situation, if the husband is saying that I prefer for you not to be working, I've even read traditions about the husband having the right to choose his wife's friends. Now, some might look at that again and they might say that this is something unacceptable. I don't think these rights given to the husbands, if they're used in a balanced way, are actually negatives. I think in some cases, some marriages were saved when someone said something. Yes. But I also agree that there are some wives out there who are unfairly treated in the sense that they might want to go and study at a college, for example, or at a university and the husband is adamant that they can't because the culture says it's not good. The religion has no problem. And in the country, the increase in gaining knowledge, there are some wonderful courses offered out there. Yes. So these are all related to the communication and that marriage. Yeah, of course. Of course, okay. How about a wife complaining about going to Majlis quite often in Muharram? 68 days and suffer. Well, Muharram suffer 68 days. As a single earning person, I spend my nine hours at a job and then I have to go to the imam bargah quite frequently these days. How should this be handled, this complaint understanding? There's nothing in Islam that says you have to go to 68 days of Majlis. You take it upon yourself. No. The most recommended would be the night or the day of the martyrdom of that particular personality. So in reality, those who say two months and eight days, that's culture, not religion. It's a wonderful culture. Okay, okay. But if it's causing harm to your marriage, Ahlulbayt do not want something that causes harm to your marriage. Right. You both have duties and rights to be observed. If you feel that your wife is 68 days in Majlis, you're coming home, there's nothing there, there's no talk, there's no communication. Ahlulbayt did not want that. No. Ahlulbayt say, for example, Ashura, Ona Aba Abdullah. Imam Zayn al-Abdil-Shahad is a couple of weeks later, honor him. The Ariba'een honor it. The Prophet and Imam al-Hassan honor them. Yes. But you don't have to go 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10 Majlis in a row. Have a balance. Yes. I'm amazed by some people out there. They have a wonderful love for other people. They attend 68 days in a row of Majlis. No hajjab. It's phenomenal. It really is phenomenal. How they reach that. Now that's their personal journey. I got nothing to do with it, but how, how do you attend two months and eight days of Majlis and still reach a conclusion that Zaynab's hajjab's not worth wearing yet? Unless you're going because there's a great fashion show of clothing to be paraded. Unless you're going because it's the social aspect. Unless you're going because it's a family gathering and if I'm not there, it looks rude. Then don't blame the two months and eight days. You're going with intentions which have got nothing to do with Aba Abdullah because at the end of those two months and eight days, if you truly understood the message of the 10th of Muharram, then on Aida Zahra, your hair shouldn't be showing when you're walking on the street. Yeah. And if it is showing, then you have to begin to reflect two months and eight days. Where is it taking you? Cultural growth and prestige and stature? Or is it taking you to Zaynab and the daughters of Rasulullah? Sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. I think we may have time for just one more question. I'm not sure. Producers may be able to give us a cigarette in terms of the countdown we've got left. So, unfortunately, we have run out of time. But inshallah, we can then continue next week, inshallah, from Dr. Seyed Amar Naqshwani and from myself, Muhammad Ali. Sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. Next Tuesday, we'll be the next show, inshallah. Sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.