 So we're gonna talk about why some men pull or push you away even when things are going good. And I'm sure you've experienced this. So let's get ready to learn a lot of information today or at least the world according to Jonathan because quite frankly, I have a personal share with regards to my new relationship. So if you watch my most recent video about what guys do when they're with the one, I talked about an interesting state of being when you're in a relationship that feels good. And what I basically said in that video is that there's a level of calm when you're with the person. Let me repeat that, there's a level of calm and why I'm leaning into that and why that's so important to really kind of express what's going on right now in my own life is that men who genuinely go the distance with someone, it's because they feel a level of calm and they feel a sense of contentment, they feel a sense of joy, okay? Now, so now, so I just want you to understand it. There's a sense of contentment, calm, a sense of joy. There's kind of this equilibrium space of man feels, okay? So now I wanna share with you what's happening in my new relationship for those who follow me, I'm a little bit over a month into my new relationship and I, as I shared in the video, I am smitten. I'm head over heels. I'm in La La Land. I'm in absolute La La Land in this relationship and I'll be candid with you. I don't think I've ever experienced this before. I don't think I've ever experienced that feeling of La La. Now, I've certainly experienced lust when I wanted someone that was driven biologically, sexually speaking, I've experienced lust and I'm sad to say when I've been driven by lust, the conquest of sex, the conquest of that ejaculation and then the realization that this was all a fantasy made up in my mind because chemicals were released in my brain, dopamine, testosterone were at least flooding in my brain when I was feeling lust for someone and this is why you've always heard men are chasers and they love the chase and they love the hunt. Well, that's because that biological drive to have sex with someone, we men oftentimes can't even control that. So, and yet we confuse it with lust. This is why you oftentimes hear men doing the love bombing coming over the top. I mean, literally really throwing it on thick, okay? But in a way that somehow makes you acquiesce to our desire for sex. But the minute the sex happens, the minute that release happens, all of a sudden we come to our senses. We come back to equilibrium, okay? Now, there's another experience that happens for men that's known limerence. This is extreme infatuation. This is oftentimes when we put a woman up on a pedestal and we might again, love bomb, we might go over the top or just feel that sense of anxiety because we want to be with them. But again, this is just extreme infatuation. It's oftentimes, as I said earlier, we put someone up on a mini pedestal, okay? So, all right, so I've experienced those in my past and I've experienced mediocre relationships. I've experienced friends with benefits. I've even experienced situationships and casual relationships. So I've done the gamut, let's just say. In this new relationship, I'm noticing something completely different. And this wala euphoria is because we're on the same page. I've never experienced another human being where we literally, we did my radical honesty that I teach in my private coaching. And by the way, if you'd like to learn how I help you vet for the men who are ready for a relationship, check out the link below to a free discovery call with me. But we practice my radical honesty, which is asking questions based on your own individual personality to determine if you're a real fit. And we did this on our first phone call. We kind of vetted each other throughout some of the previous phone calls. And then when we had our third date, we just delved into radical honesty. And what was built during this period of time was trust. And in this space of trust, I'm feeling this wala feeling. I mean, I'm feeling like euphoria. I really never experienced this before. I thought I kind of had it with my ex-wife. I thought I had it with my significant relationship and after my divorce. And yes, I've experienced lust and limerence, but nothing feels like this. So guess what happened? I found myself pulling back. And in even in one instance, I pushed her away. And that's what I want to lean into today, why this happens, because I'm experiencing it for myself. Now, let me be clear for everyone, I'm experiencing it momentarily, like literally a moment, a two or three, you know, maybe a short, short, short period of time, this pulling back. And yet what it occurs to me with men is that this happens in a variety of different ways. So let me just backtrack for a second. Prior to meeting this person, I basically had been single for the last five years. I've been doing a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas. So I can be in the place of really, not with the intent of being solid in a relationship, but I needed to go through this healing. Look, I had my significant relationship ended, my mother passed away, then my son passed away at age 19. And so I was going through some heavy stuff. And during that time, I did the Hoffman process. I did insight seminars. I went through, as Alison Armstrong calls the tunnel, kind of that midlife crisis, like my second midlife crisis tunnel. My first midlife crisis tunnel happened 15 years earlier when I lost my quarter million dollar a year job and I was addicted to drugs and alcohol just to get through the day. Okay. So now I find myself in a good place, five years of being single with some short-lived relationships in there. What I experienced during that time is I really began to enjoy my own company. I just really began to enjoy my own company. Like I'm like, I like myself. I feel good about myself. I wasn't no longer in that lustful phase. I was no longer in that limerence phase in the dating process. I just really felt grounded because I did a ton of work. In fact, it inspired my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? A Journey of Personal Development, Self-Help and Spiritual Work. By the way, the link's in the description for my book, my group program and a discovery call with me as well as Instagram. And now, so I've been doing heavy-duty lifting to get to where I'm at today, okay? And I meet this fantastic woman and I'm in La La Land. And all of a sudden, I found myself temporarily pulling away and even saying something to kind of push her away for a second. So as I reflected on this, I started to think, why does this happen? Why could, how could this happen? I'm feeling this great sense of euphoria. I'm feeling this joy. I'm feeling this La La. Well, so I want you to think of a pendulum, okay? The pendulum, this is equilibrium, right? But for the longest time, my pendulum has been over here. I've been happy being single. I've been enjoying my own company. So I really got accustomed to that. And literally within a few weeks, the pendulum swung all the way here, okay? Well, let me do it this way. So the pendulum now is all the way here. I was here and now here. And I'm like, I'm in euphoria, I'm euphoria. It feels great. It feels great, but it doesn't feel like equilibrium because it went too far this way. And what that means is I'm finding myself pulling back because I want to get back to some, keep in mind, I was so happy here. That wasn't equilibrium either because I want to be in a fully committed relationship. But it happened so fast that there's a natural pulling back. And even within that pullback, I set a couple of things in our conversation that could have sabotaged it. I'd rather not share the particulars, but let me try to think of something that I did say that feels without crossing my boundary with her. But just something like, just kind of expressing, this has gone so fast. You know, I was kind of questioning whether or not this was real. That might have been kind of a pushing her away a little bit. So I can't believe I'm alone in this. I can't believe that men don't feel this sense of if they're here one day and you're here the next day that there's this desire to come back in the middle when things are going good. Here's why I'm not gonna implode the relationship. Here's why I'm not, you know, and why I'm sticking in this. I mean, I've claimed her, let me just say I've used the word claim, but I've claimed her to you. I mean, we're boyfriend and girlfriend. It's just, I've come to also the realization that this is one of the most amazing people I've ever met in my life. We are so aligned in so many different ways. I mean, there's so many similarities. I'm like literally with each new conversation and we're spending hours and hours on the phone. And let me be clear, I don't remember our phone calls, but I do feel a sense of joy when we do have a phone call. But what I'm noticing is that why throw away something so great? And I'm then asking myself, well, why would I even consider throwing something away that's so great? And it's because I'm in a good place. I'm in a really good place to recognize someone else of value. I'm gonna repeat that. I'm in a good place to recognize someone of value. So this natural kind of little, the pendulum swinging a little bit is a very natural experience. When a man isn't in a good place and they've gone from here to the euphoric state but they're not a good place, they have to get back over here because they haven't done the genuine healing. And if you're not familiar with my three types of people actively dating, I wanna show this chart to everyone. There's the users, the spenders and the growers. The users are roughly, by the way, this is not a fact, it's an opinion, roughly 20% of the population. They seek short-term gain, love bombers, players, gold diggers, entitled, selfish people only caring about themselves, their own needs. Then there's the growers and the builders. Those are the people that seek long-term commitment. They're emotionally grown up. Good relationship skills, they have their act together and yet the vast majority of people are the spenders because these people are operating from a place of dysfunctionality. And this really piggybacks for this chart of emotional maturity, this is not a fact, but roughly 20% of the population has clinical issues, clinical issues. And while I say 20% are healthy, I'm being rather generous here, but the vast majority of humans are dysfunctional. Most of you watching this as well. And when we're in a state of dysfunctionality, we can operate very confused in a relationship, very confused. And then that confusion, it's that freak out that happens when it's in euphoria, even when things are going good, they feel like they have to come back to the other end to be back to their emotional equilibrium. Now you might be wondering, Jonathan, why would this happen to a man? Because men haven't perfected, most men haven't perfected their capacity to be emotional communicators in a relationship. I repeat that they haven't perfected their capacity. And in addition, if they are in a state of dysfunctionality, they won't be able to see, to value what's really great right in front of them. Many of you are, women to some degree are a little bit emotionally mature because you tend to have agreeable personalities and men tend to have more disagreeable personalities. It's not an absolute, but certainly alpha males, it's all about control, okay? Beta males, those guys are wimps and they give up their power to everyone. But the vast majority of men are good guys. I just say that they're bad daters because they're in a state of dysfunctionality. So they're gonna pull and push people away. And there's really only one solution, I believe, to really rectify this. It starts with radical honesty. It starts by laying your cards on the table. It starts by deeper conversation than the bullshit rhetoric that we're dealing with today. Do you know, most people operate from the premise that chemistry equals relationship success. And I'm here to say, you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg chart. Most people focus on attraction, which is chemistry, which is the tip of the iceberg, but compatibility focusing on shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity is what's going to hopefully, and I say hopefully circumvent the disappearing, the ghosting, the pulling away for good. And one of the best tools for this is reading two books by the Gottmans, which is eight dates and seven principles for making marriage work. Now you might be in a relationship, but this book is great for under, these two books are great for understanding the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship. If you don't understand the deeper questions you need to ask, then you're setting yourself for failure because the reality is, is we are a dysfunctional world out there from the dating marketplace. And there's only one solution in my book. If you get lucky, you get an emotionally healthy person, but you're dealing with emotionally unhealthy people. Now the good news is, dysfunctional people, even spenders have a capacity to grow when they feel like they're with the right person. So by being radically honest, asking the deeper questions, read the book, I Hear You. I Hear You, the surprisingly simple skills behind extraordinary relationships. And yet many of you operate from a place of fear. You operate from a place of reluctancy. And it's time to, ladies, it's time to stand in your power. If you haven't read the book, Why Men Love Bitches and Bitch Stands for Babe in total control of herself, yes. Read this book, it will empower you to take charge of your relationship destiny because you give it all to the man. You give men your power and you wonder why you're miserable in relationships. Take your power back right from the get-go. Or before you even get started. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? If it is, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe if you're brand new to my channel. If this content is making a difference, post a comment, let me know. Check out all the links in the description because the bottom line is this. Men pull away most of the time because they need to find their equilibrium, their emotional equilibrium. And the only reason why they don't see your value is because they're stuck in their own dysfunctionality. I wouldn't have been able to see this beautiful goddess. And I am so in La La Land. I know, I feel like when Tom Cruise was on Oprah talking about who was that woman he was married to, I feel like that. I mean, this is, I can't say that I'm in love, but I'm certainly in La La. And I've never experienced this before. I mean, so I know this is different. Is it real? We spent 30 hours looking each other straight in the eye for three days straight, 10 hours a day. We laid our cards on the table. And we really did. We just laid our cards on the table. And the good, the bad, the ugly. And that did something that blew me away. That built trust. And on the last day we were together, I shared something incredibly shameful that happened in my life. Maybe one or two people know. It could have been premature, it could have been dangerous. I might have been divulging something to somebody that doesn't have my best interest. But boy, by a simple act of radical honesty, by playing our cards on the table, I felt safe enough. I felt safe enough to share this because I trust, and maybe it's a little too soon. I mean, we roughly have now have about 85 hours of face-to-face time. And when I tell everybody it takes about 100 hours of face-to-face time to build that first layer of trust, it's not a, it's a guideline, it's not a rule. It's basically try to encourage most of you to recognize that you can't give your, you can't give your heart away to a total stranger. We weren't strangers when we met. We knew each other for a year before. We had communicated a little bit, quite a bit the year before. So we were kind of friends before we met. But when you're meeting a total stranger, you have to do a lot more vetting. This is why I continually recommend the book, Talking to Strangers by Malcolm Gladwell. Because what we should know about the people we don't know. Listen, when you're meeting people who are strangers, we have to do a better job of vetting them. And so before I met her, I vetted her a bit. I did radical honesty on our first phone call. We did the real, whether it's, there's the pre-qualifying your prospect to see if, you know, you're on the same page in the general sense. And then there are deeper questions to ask at the emotional sense. Let me give you some examples of this. What's your greatest fear in relationship? What positive things did you learn about yourself in your last relationship? What negative patterns and limiting beliefs do you have with regards to relationships? These were the deeper questions we dove into, we unpacked this along with sharing her marriage, my marriage, our previous relationships, we unpacked it all. And this is why I feel like I might have met, I don't wanna say the one yet, but boy, it feels close. So, and yet I pulled away. But I hope you understand the why men pull away and why they disappear after they pulled away or at least end the relationship is because they're not solid in their own life and they can't see your value. And yes, sometimes it could be, you're a fucking pain in the ass too. You women are no picnic either. You have your own dysfunctionality. So sometimes it's that too. You pick your, you roll the dice on what it is. What matters most first is become empowered within yourself, heal your childhood wounds and traumas. Well, first heal your childhood wounds and traumas, become empowered within yourself, ask better questions and be radically honest from the get-go. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. Can I get an amen? All right. I think we covered the content portion here. All right. We're gonna take questions now. If you're familiar with my format, simply write the word question, post a question there after or you can purchase a super sticker, super chat. All the monies from the super sticker, super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's him there. That's him there. That's my son who passed away. Oh my God, it'll be four years at the first of next month. And in his honor, we started a scholarship fund to donate to causes like the Hoffman process insight seminars, use the dollar sign. If you're listening to the recording, you won't be able to see this. You can go to my website to donate as well. If you'd like, just email my assistant. And again, if you have a question, write the word question, post the question there after and you're more than welcome to ask me personal questions as well. All right, really quickly, I saw a super sticker here. So I'd like to honor that and acknowledge that. Epic mom, thank you so much for the $9.99 cents. Thank you so much. All right, let's see. Wow, we got lots of comments. Jamie says, I love your level of self-awareness, Jonathan. I love your ability to be honest with yourself and with others. This pulling away is called the switch according to Jude that sells who writes about it. Interesting. I think of it like a pendulum, like equilibrium. All right, Alexander Taylor says, has she noticed and have you discussed with her what you're experiencing? Great question. So I did discuss it with her. We have a practice that I learned in one of my self-development work, personal development workshops. We have something called a withhold. Withhold means if you're withholding something, you're gonna state to your partner, I have a withhold. Means something's going on that I wanna share. Without creating fear in your partner, it's basically saying, look, I've got something to tell you, it's a little uncomfortable, but don't worry. That's what it means. So I shared with her, I said, it's weird. I'm having an interesting reaction to our dynamic right now. I find myself pulling away a little bit. It happened when we got off the phone, I think it was a few nights back. And what I realized, and I woke up in the morning going, I can't wait to talk to her. I mean, I woke up early and couldn't wait to talk to her. I think that pullback was, well, sometimes men pull back after ejaculation, but I think the pullback was just simply, I shared with her, it was just simply, I'm trying to remember the exact words. Going through the adjustment period of where I was to where I am today. I was feeling the adjustment of not being on the dating apps. I mean, I felt like I was having withdrawals from the addiction to the dating apps is one thing. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful to be off the dating apps. She's grateful to be off the apps, but I was having a little bit of withdrawal of that and I was just aware that I was feeling some confusing emotions. I'm grateful enough that I'm self aware to understand my emotions and I shared it with her. And she even shared her own little, it's been a little awkward because all, by the way, do you know what's funny? And by the way, I teach this, there's something I teach in my private coaching, which is like of a law of attraction, amplification of what I'm about to share. Have you ever noticed that the minute you're in a relationship, all these people come out of the woodwork wanting you? I mean, it's like, I mean, I'm getting like tons of emails, not from people that know I'm in a relationship. I'm just like, it's like this match.com emails and such that first, it's like the minute you're in a relationship, you become a magnetic attractor for people. So now I teach, I use that in my coaching practice, how you can become your own magnetic attractor. By the way, a link below to a free discovery call if you wanna find out more about that. So to answer your question, Alexandra, that's it. Thank you so much. T. Davis says, I love radical honesty. I found that a lot of men seem to be offended by radical honesty. So I take that as they aren't the one for me. Again, 90% of the population isn't ready for radical honesty, men and women alike. C. Pennington says, thank you so much for your insight. Finally, someone with solid advice, watching all your videos. Thank you so much, C. I appreciate it. Tamara says, this is resonating with me. Thank you. Yes, I'm reading why men love bitches. Yay, yay, yay. Jamie says, are you jumping on the couch, Jonathan? I, you know, we all thought he was insane, right? When Tom Cruise was jumping on the couch on Oprah. Who is his wife then? I can't remember her name. But you know, and I'm hoping he was legitimate. I mean, I feel like that. And it's weird. Folks, I really, I've experienced lust and limerence. I have. I've experienced unhealthy attachment. I definitely experienced unhealthy attachment. This is the first time I'm experiencing what feels like genuine care, genuine kindness, genuine joy, genuine calm, genuine love. I really do believe it. And it's like, now I want you all to have that. I'm like, look it. Listen, you guys know I curse on my videos. You know, I sometimes yell like after the top of my lungs because I'm like, and I sometimes yell at the absolute stupidity of human beings, myself included, when I complain about people, it's because I'm complaining about my own stupidity. And yet now I feel like I can share my wisdom from a place and look at, I said this to her. I said, either you're a sociopath or a psycho because this just feel, you feel too, I don't want to use it like she's a unicorn. So what, so you probably want to know what makes her a unicorn. You know what I like? She's incredibly, you know, we're very attuned to each other. You know, there's not, there's no, like I don't want to, I think we're both agreeable human beings. We both, and we both share the same passions. Like we're already planning a trip for my birthday next month to go down to Mexico. So I'll be off the grid for a few days. So we love travel. We love a lot of the same things. But what I like is she's, oh, I know what it is. She's just fucking chill. She's just so fucking chill. I don't know how to encapsulate that other than say she's just a cool chick. And she does ramble on when she talks, which drives me a little bit nuts. You know, that's just her style. She likes to talk in stories. I drive her nuts because I am ridiculously an over thinker. I am fucking processing and I'm like unpacking everything. But in our own neuroses, we're finding the weirdness in it. She's actually now appreciating my neurosis and I appreciate her neurosis, if you will. So anyway, I'm just babbling here. I hope you're fine. I hope my joy is a reminder that this is what we want. Now, look it, I'm aware enough to know it's not gonna be like, you know, like on a scale from one to 10 to 17, I get that. But I look forward to that equilibrium space where serotonin sinks in and you feel that deep level of knowing that deep level of trust. And I'm holding space for that. And look at, if she's psycho or I'm psycho or she's a sociopath, I'm sociopath, you know what, we're diving in, let the chips fall where they may and then we're gonna see what happens. Better to know sooner rather than later, I think. Anyway, Brenda, it was not Nicole Kidman. It's the one he had a child with Siri. I can't remember her name. Okay. Let's see. Brenda says, love is better later in life. Brenda says, love is better later in life. I hope so, it seems like it. All right, let's see. Oh yes, it's Katie Holmes, that's who it was. Thank you. All right, let's see what we have. Do you have questions for me? Write the word question or purchase a super sticker. Chrissy has a question. Question. A data guy who got nervous pulled away because he said he was having the love feelings for me. Last night he apologized, says he was in a better place and wanted to try again. What's your question Chrissy? Folks, when you ask a question, there needs to be a question mark. And in the question mark, there has to be a question. So it's hard for me, I mean, I gotta jump on you guys. Sometimes you do this and it drives me fucking nuts. Please forgive me Chrissy because I don't wanna throw you under the bus. But what's your question? Is it to give him another chance? You know, you gotta decide that for yourself. All right, I'm sorry I berated you, I apologize. All right, let's go swim in. Question, doesn't one of the dating vows say something about if one feels something off, they will discuss it and not pull back or ghost? If it's not, well, so yes, that's one of the dating vows. If you're not familiar with my dating vows, here, I'll post it on the screen real quick. Okay, if you're watching it, just put pause. We're watching the replay, put pause and read this later. So, we agree that if this isn't working for me, it will speak up if this isn't working for you me versus pulling back, ghosting or disappearing. That's if the relationship isn't working for you. What I was feeling was temporary needing to come back to my emotional equilibrium. So it wasn't a genuine pull away. However, in the dating vows, there's an agreement that you discuss if someone is having doubts, if you're having second thoughts, having real conversation before you pull the trigger and just completely end the relationship. You know what? It takes a level of emotional maturity to be an emotional grownup. An emotional grownup is being self-aware enough to know your feelings because most people are lying to themselves. Most people are lying to themselves and so it's no wonder they have dysfunctional relationships. So first, I've had to learn to understand my emotions and my feelings. Again, I learned this through the Hoffman process, okay? This has taken a lot of work folks and many of you haven't done the work either. Just because you women know how to vomit your feelings doesn't mean you're any better at this. Probably a little better because you process with your friends but sometimes your friends can be the most toxic people in your life because they give you bad advice. So anyway, coming back to this, no, I mean, it's part of the dating vow and I just was having a little bit of a second thought. And by the way, to go to Brenda's question, has she pulled back a little bit? Well, she openly admits she started a little bit more guarded than I. So she started with a little bit. I would say I was at the 50 yard line and she was at the 47 yard line. There was a little bit of guardedness. She admits that. But the same token, she said something to me last night. She said, Jonathan, you are a really good man and you have a really good heart. And I want you to know that I see that you have a really good heart because the way you express yourself to me in a very calm, loving, non-sexual way demonstrates to me that what's coming out of your mouth is sincere. And that was one of the sweetest things. I mean, she amazes me every time by saying something so sweet that it just endears me to her and to be able to be seen. And so I see her, I see all the wondrous beauty in her. Not her physical beauty, but the emotional beauty she carries. And so I continually reinforce her because her deepest wound in her life was not feeling worthy, not feeling like a priority. I'm not doing this to go overboard, to go out of my way. It's I'm doing it because I see to be seen, intimacy, into me you see. And what I love is we've spent, hush, you know, 40, 50 hours in true deep intimacy that has nothing to do with sex and has everything to do with sharing from our heart. It's a dysfunctional dating marketplace. It's a dysfunctional relationship marketplace. This is why I recommend book after book after book to create, give you the tools because so many of you think you could just go to a therapist and get all these answers in one session and that's not how it works. This has taken months and months, if not years and years of, it's like learning how to play the piano. You have to practice this, practice this, practice this. Otherwise, what's the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over again and expecting different results. So thank you so much for your question. I appreciate it. Is this helping? Is this sinking in? Please let me know. Please let me know. Just say, yes, this is sinking in, Jonathan. All right, let's go swimming. Let's go swimming. Gray says, I overthink everything. Ugg, I know it's such an ugg. All right, let's keep swimming. Oh, Paul Miller, who do we have here? Question, any tips on how to make a long distance relationship work after a year of dating in person? Do you think people in long distance relationship not dating are unhappier or unhealthier? So I did a video and I'm gonna be posting a video on long distance relationships dating or relationships. So let me tell you how I think, so I said, why I despise long distance dating, it's because oftentimes 97% of the time women live in a fantasy in these relationships versus the men. There's subtle love bombing over the phone. There's guaranteed sex upon arrival. You can't see their day-to-day life. They can be hiding something from you. They have an easy exit plan or worse. There's talking, talking, talking, talking. And the ingredients to make long distance dating into a relationship takes strong connection upon meeting, including sexual compatibility, radical honesty, laying your cards on the table to determine shared values and blendable lifestyles, emotional maturity, discussing your wounds and how you've healed from it, a flexible lifestyle and a true desire for commitment. So if you're gone from a regular relationship to a long distance, then you need a plan of how often you're gonna see each other and when you're going to turn the long distance into either moving in together or getting married. And I look at what I'm about to tell you is absolutely fucking lutely insane. But we're already discussing what it would be like to live together. We're discussing how would that work if we did this? I know it's insane. I feel like it's so early. And yet it's kind of like we have to talk about these things to really determine if this is a good fit for one enough. And you better get this out of the way soon around the later. You've been together for a year. You should know if you two want to be together for the long-term. Look it, we gotta stop giving people a pass. You know shit within a year. If you don't feel 100% trust with somebody in a year, if you don't each mutually feel 100% trust, then what the fuck are you doing? What are you doing to build trust? Do you go to workshops together? Do you go to couples counseling together? What are you doing to build trust? Because within a year, you should know whether or not you wanna marry this person or not. That's my opinion and I'm sticking to it. All right, thank you so much, Paul, for your question. I appreciate it. All right, Lynn says, question. Seen any cool signs such as you text someone, you are my sunshine, they freak buzz. Seen any cool sign. I don't understand your question, Lynn. It makes no sense to me. Right, you miss sunshine, they freak because they sang the same song to their kid, rare things like that. No, if you're talking about my relationship, no, I don't understand the question, so I'm not even gonna bother with that. I'm sorry. T. Davis says, she sounds amazing being chill and rambling on. So this has me wondering what's her zodiac sign? Gemini, duality. She just had a birthday. Okay, bum, bum, bum, let's go swimming, let's go swimming, let's go swimming. Okay, do you have a question for me? Purchase the super sticker, super chat. I'd like to donate to the Connor, like you to donate to the Connor Asley Scholarship Fund. So really it'd be great if you did that. Brenda says, is it okay to just live together? Yeah, I think it's okay to just live together, why not? I mean, I'd like to get remarried. It's funny, I'd like to get remarried, she doesn't. So, but you know what matters most? We wanna be a team together. That's we already talking about what it'd be like to be a team. Folks, I have to be, listen, do I think this is going too fast? Do you know why I don't think it's going too fast? Because either I'm delusional, and God, I can't believe that I would be, but it just feels so right. It's when, listen, many of you enter in relationship giving your power away to the guy and it doesn't feel right. This just feels right for both of us. I mean, but I've been at, listen, I've been at this game for a very long time. So I feel like I've gotten a lot of practice in here. So I could be delusional, she could be delusional, but you know what? We said, look, let's find out sooner rather than later if we're not a fit for each other. So why not dam the torpedoes and pull steam ahead? Air and fire ignite Gemini and Leo. Thank you. Thank you, Ollie. When is it the right person? How do you pace the relationship? You know what? There's no one size fits all. Every situation is unique. My situation, maybe it's because we did a lot of the heavy lifting before we met, and that's why it's easy. Some of many of you are dating people that haven't done the heavy lifting, haven't done the deep work to be prepared. By the way, I highly recommend reading the book, How to Make Love All the Time by Barbara DeAngeles. This is a great book as well to genuinely get to know another human being. I recommend book after book after book. And by the way, in my, this relationship, I tend to be the more emotional leader of the relationship because I've studied this stuff and she's like, I'm more, this is the, she goes, I couldn't have asked for a better guy because she hadn't done the work of studying this stuff. I have. So anyways, I'm rambling. So I hope you get my point. What did you get her for her birthday? Well, I'd only seen her twice. So I got her one of the best candles out in my area, gave her a copy of my book and I have a little surprise for her on my birthday. I hope she doesn't see this. Okay. Thank you for that question. Let's see. Let's go swim in. Question. Why do you guys add and talk to other girls if they claim to love or really like you? Why did guys add and talk to other girls if they claim they love you or like you? Well, they're experiencing, they have an unhealthy attachment to you. They are emotionally unhealthy within themselves. So they need to seek validation from others to fill what's missing inside of them. They have an unhealthy attachment to you. They have an unhealthy attachment core because of dysfunctionality and they need to seek validation from others to it's kind of like, I need you to complete me. I need someone to love. I need so many people to love me so I can feel good about myself. It's not an answer that you really might appreciate but that's the reality of what happens to a lot of guys that are seeking validation from other people. They're just not capable of love. They have blocks to love. So let me talk about some of the blocks to love that might be causing this. So I wrote this down, blocks to love. Certainly fear, which is usually a reflection of unhealed wounds and traumas. We call it baggage or luggage in their life and ex-spouse, a contentious ex-spouse. Some children can oftentimes be considered that. Work, health issues, a lack of direction in what this guy wants in a relationship. A misalignment between the two of you in values and lifestyles. He lacks emotional maturity, relationship skills, unhealed wounds. There's a lack of trust and transparency. There's a lack of commitment and conviction and sex happened well before there was a real commitment to one another. I'm really sorry you're experiencing it, but that's what it is. All right, by the way, true. Tom Cruise's wife was Nicole Kidman. Then he married Karatee Holmes and that's the one he bragged about on Oprah. Bum, bum, bum. All right, let's go swim. All right, do you have a question for me? Oh, Paul says, thanks for the answer. I appreciate, or you're very welcome, Paul. Thank you so much. All right, looks like we don't have any questions. We're going to wrap up early today if we don't. Debra asks a good question. Question, does she watch your show? No, she doesn't. She doesn't need dating advice right now. So I think she appreciates and respects my work. She did watch the video I posted the other day called, the video was called, what was that video called? Hold on a second, the video was called, I'll put it up for everyone. The video was called, here, when it's called, when it's right, when he meets the right one, this happens. So she did watch that for a little bit. She thought she really appreciated the content but she's not really big on YouTube videos. She's not a big television person. She doesn't binge watch things. It's just not her style. Her favorite activity is planning her next vacation. She's been to 68 countries in the last 10 years. We're planning this trip for my birthday to Mexico. I'm really excited about that. I'm excited because she speaks Spanish. She's originally from Cartagena, Colombia, Cartagena, Colombia, but her heritage is from Spain. She's this really beautiful, exotic woman who has a spirit that I haven't ever experienced before. And my invitation for, you know what she has? She has sparkle, she really has sparkle. And I invite you all to find your sparkle because I'm just intoxicated by her sparkle. There's just some, there's a light inside of her that just shines so bright. And it's a, look it, we can talk about masculine and feminine energy, we can talk about all that stuff but there's this sense of strength, confidence and care, nurturing, loving components within her. There's this beautiful balance. If we're gonna call it masculine and feminine, she has the yin and yang of the both which I find intoxicating. And she's not a pushover, she speaks up. So, she expressed something to, okay, I'll be candid with you. She said something, she goes, this is really uncomfortable for me to say but it was when I picked her up at the airport on our third visit or our third meeting. And I guess I had the top down in the car, the sun was beaming and I started to sweat a bit. And she said, Jonathan, this feels really uncomfortable for me to tell you but you have BO and I did for a moment get offended and I realized it was probably because of some medicine I was taking at the time and then driving with the top down and the heat blazing. So, I just ran and took a quick shower. I appreciate that she had the confidence to say that to me instead of being a people pleaser and having duct tape over her mouth. She didn't have that duct tape and she doesn't have duct tape over her mouth but when something's bothering her she spoke, she speaks up to me and we haven't had much but I just can tell that's just her personality. Which is so in contrast of many of you, this is why I tell you to purchase this book Why Men Love Bitches. So you don't compromise who you are for another person. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. Please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel. All right. Spring says she sounds like a light worker. Could be. Question, is it real when he wants me but needs time to find himself? I don't think it's, well, everything is real. It can be real dysfunctionality. I think we have to, I have to ground underneath a person has to be solid before I think anybody can truly give their heart to another person. Their life, their emotional and physical life has to be solid. Otherwise it's oftentimes unhealthy attachment that people are experiencing. That's just my take on it anyway. Jamie says that's a very attractive quality. Yes, it's sinking in. Question, can you tell if a couple will work out just by looking at them? You know, the Gottmans, actually John Gottman professes with a 95% accuracy that within 15 minutes of talking to a couple he can determine if they're gonna get a divorce or not. So I think sometimes I have a level of intuitiveness when I see couples. I can see their body language. I can see the couples that have potential. So I might have that skill set. I don't know, but I feel like I do. Go folks, you know what? We're at the 50 minute mark. Listen, if this was valuable, please purchase a super sticker, super chat to let me know this was valuable to you. You're watching the replay purchase a super thanks to let me know that this was a value to you and this was a benefit to you. Just a reminder, men pull away when they need to get back to their equilibrium in their life. And I hope you found value in the beginning of this video as well as my personal share as well, my intoxicating personal share. Thank you so much for allowing me to share with you all. I really from the bottom of my heart appreciate it. All right, I think I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barrow of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a Pat, a Teddy Barrow pillow, give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Brenda and Spring and Serenity and Claudie and Danielle and True and Tina and Paul and Jamie and Holly and Brianna, Grace, Pugs, Lynn, Tarot card, are you kidding me? Potter, Jennifer, thank you all so much. Have a great evening, bye now.