 So, I will speak on everything that we want to bring up tonight. We can use Accordion Medicals because this is Accordion Medicals meeting, but if anybody here is from a different tradition and you'd like to bring in thoughts and questions from anything, one this really doesn't... It's like the top of the mountain. When you get to the top of the mountain, the peak experience, all the roadways that seem to get there are just gone. So, it's not like you make it to heaven and you tell your war stories. Oh, let me tell you how I got to the top of the mountain. In the song of prayer, Jesus says that when you make it to the top of the ladder, then the ladder disappears. So, this is a journey without distance to a goal that's never changed. And when you get into the divine love, then you'll forget the journey. It's almost like reverse Indonesia. To believe that you're in a world of derogatory separation, you have to have an amnesia where you've literally forgotten the oneness of heaven, the song of love and gratitude of heaven. So now, this Holy Spirit is turning the tables and saying, let's do a little reverse amnesia on the ego. We're going to remember the love of God and forget everything else. Have an amnesia about all the season trials and struggles and tribulations and just remember all the bliss and the joy and happiness. And it takes a thorough training of your mind to do this, so we're not trying to say that we're not talking about eye-to-sky philosophy or just affirmations, but we're looking at exposing the ego so deeply that you start to see that it's a crazy belief system and that no one in their right mind would believe in the ego. A lot of times when I talk about ideas, like pretty radical ideas, like sickness is a decision. That seems like a pretty radical idea, but when people do ask me the question all around the country and the world, well, if sickness is a decision, then through it in their right mind would choose to be sick. And I said, you've got it. No one in their right mind would choose to be sick. Sickness is an unconscious decision. It's a belief that somehow it serves you. And the more you go into it, the more you see that that just can't be believed. And yet this world is filled with fools' gold, lots of different empty roads that you can pursue for a while. And then when you get to the end of them, there's nothing there. It's just another dead end. At this point you can either surrender and say, show me a different way, or the ego will say, well, you just didn't try enough to have this. So that's going to be more. And it's always trying to keep you on a wild goose chase. Seek and do not find happiness, the ego's death and salvation. And the Christ mind or the witness mind is saying, seek and you shall find. And that's the peace and joy and love of God. So, like I always say, when I come together in these gatherings, I never plan anything to say. I go out with just a willingness to be truly helpful and then it's the questions and it's the pondering of everyone together because we all have the Holy Spirit in us, in our hearts. And everybody already has all the answers. But they've just been so buried and covered over with all these unconscious beliefs that when we come together, really what we allow is permission in a sense of joy and safety to allow the questions to come into mind. If you keep questioning the ego, eventually it will unravel and you'll see that it's not even there. But the ego made up an entire cosmos so that you would question the cosmos, question, you try to figure out the world, figure out how things, why do bad things happen to good people, try to figure out why did this happen to me, that's the old favorite, why me. In terms of something in the world, why did this event happen? Why did I dream of this and what does this color mean and all dream interpretations and studying the world, the science, the physics and everything, trying to discover answers. But this world is like a giant hall of mirrors or a giant smokescreen that was made up by the egos that you wouldn't discover that who you are is Christ, that who you are is the one. So this whole world is full of distractions and whenever you try to figure it out, you're really just trying to figure out the impossible. This world will never be able to be figured out. How could you figure out duality and separation? Oneness doesn't have anything to do with duality and separation. I spent 10 years in college and undergrad and grad studying every discipline known to man, kind of like the Renaissance guy who goes and studies the whole thing from a conservatory of music, art, engineering, philosophy, psychology, sociology all the way across mathematics, physics, calculus, da-da-da-da-da. Only to start to discover that each discipline had its own assumptions and that no two professors, no two disciplines agreed on anything. That there was no universal agreement. There was lots of fighting, a lot of conflict, a lot of re-knowing and new-downs. The psychologists and the scientists, physicists do not see the same world and even those that are close, like the sociologists and the psychologists have very, very different assumptions about the nature of the world and reality. So I was grateful to have studied all those years of college just to realize that none of my professors had the answer that I was looking at. And they were always conflicting with each other just like countries conflict and neighbors conflict. And everybody's conflicting because no two people see the same world and in the end that's why you have to go really deep in your mind because you will not find the truth in persons' places, things, and disciplines. You could probably feel it when you're listening to that music. Your heart chords were resonating because you can recognize the truth and that music was not of this world. And Petra joined in it. You heard the Heavenly Angels joining in this room here. It was so beautiful because this is a communication that's coming from way beyond this world and it loves us so dearly and it's just this general wake-up call saying, it's time to wake up. It's time to let go of your slumber and to really feel what the joy is about. So I do this full time. I've been traveling around just doing these enlightenment gatherings or gatherings about love and oneness and truth for about 13 years now and every experience is brand new for me because of the purpose why we come together. There's no repetition in now. And I am just so honored to be here with you and to go into this and as usual, I always say I just open it up to any questions you have, any ponderings about the way I live or issues that are going on in your life. One time I was guided to speak up at the Quad Cities up on the Mississippi River and I was supposed to be there and I knew three months in advance I'd be going and by the time I got up to the Quad Cities up near Davenport, Iowa and everything the Mississippi River had flooded over its banks and the town where I was to speak half of the town was under water. And so I got there thinking that there may be a question about water or NOAA or something. But you know when I got there I was there for a whole weekend and they asked thousands of questions and not one person mentioned the flood. The perennial questions and sickness, debt, relationships these are like perennial questions that have been asked for centuries and centuries they were not in the least been interested in talking about this city underwater much more important questions than water flooding the town. So that just gave me when I drove in I was driving over the bridge and I could just see this huge river had swelled and I could see this city you know half under water but the people didn't care they wanted to talk to me about sickness and debt and relationships. So any other topics including relationships seems to be very mysterious in this world and we were talking at dinner about children as being reflections of mind and we got into all kinds of things and so I throw it open to you if you have anything that you'd like to delve into as far as the topic and the way to go. I listened to you yesterday and I'm going to go back to you a little bit. I'm like a hundred percent with you and I go to another church as well and I was a hundred percent with him as well and I'm having this as you probably already said it I like this struggle to make to flip that coin over it's like I want almost like here's my bag and my credit card and I need to have you here and I won't and then the worry comes and then trying to figure out the world or I should be getting that career job which is never going to happen unless there's new news and at the same time I'm a hundred percent with worry you're coming from I should be there and I want to be there but it's like something inside a slight you said fight when you're sick it's like it's just not it's almost like we some of this kick me sort of just say that's it you don't have a choice just do it you're talking about a leap of faith that was what I was going to say and like yourself I was actually kind of worried about yourself and I'm sure you're very talented you could probably go get a job and do whatever but that's what I'm pointing at is that there's like and I don't need to be negative I might as well want to continue with what you're doing but you know there's things that seems outside when I proceed with the world that there's things that are taking away jobs and being taken away from housing medical things like that you know I want to kind of be carefree but at the same time I feel like I'm being kind of irresponsible not thinking about it too you know taking any concern from myself but it's going too far going too far towards always worrying how do you besides that papers are another way to look at that and perhaps might have said you want maybe you already said it but that seems to me you know it's getting in my way yeah what you're bringing up is it's a lot of worry too you're contemplating a turning over of your life I mean Christians sometimes talk about born again experiences it's like radical it's like I was already 20 years ago actually but for some reason I decided to just just go with the flow don't be a disturbance just kind of influence little people here as I can here and there and just witness more and now it's kind of come to the point where maybe the things you talk about these changes that we're getting more changes it's like I might seem to have a choice I mean I'm forced into making that and I'm like I'm scared like that's a truth he said why not you know you have a good question we can really go into that because I think if that wasn't the most positive subject oh no it's beautiful in fact I think it's an important subject in fact you know when I first agreed to come here Robert and I exchanged a few emails because she was sharing a lot of the same things that you were sharing I have children I have children and with the ones that are I was admiring that about you and her yesterday that was like I can't let you do that I could probably come up with the resources and I I actually did some of the things that I wanted to do for a short period I had to though I'm like that's not the right thing to do that's not the responsible thing but when I go out and I'm looking for jobs today I'm getting shit down on my left and I shouldn't be and I'm hearing things are going to get worse and you know it's like and then I kind of I'm taking it out on myself it's not a lie yeah right I was able to help myself I just want to add in something but quickly you're in that pondering stage I think you said you had done it before back into the pondering stage and I know I pondered it for probably very seriously about six months but I knew that there was this restlessness in me that was coming up and it was just one day finally the pondering was done it didn't even really feel like a choice it was just done and I talked to my husband and I said I'm going to stop doing my work today I don't know what that means because I don't really know what I'm going to do tomorrow and it just stopped because you felt like you were kind of being so depleted well no no no not out of depletion I wanted to you had more of a choice same as what you're experiencing at that point I had my recruiting business from my home so I could be around my kids and the recruiting was going down and I was doing really great for a couple of years and as soon as I started pondering it's like the eye-trick the energy out of it and so all of a sudden I had a really good reason because I was really walking away from like nothing at some point and so I guess I created a convenient transition for myself but it just happened I went down a 7-4 and said this February 23rd 2002 I'll never forget I'll just stop there and say I can't do this anymore now that I can I just I don't it doesn't fit and so you're not pondering state yeah that's the thing I don't think I'm going to say I actually have a list of stuff to talk about tomorrow but you pick list some people do it more gradually you know where you do your job you don't prepare because I'm not working and at the same time going back into it's not serving the purpose and maybe this thing in this area so how am I taking this this leap of faith is almost like jumping off a cliff like well I think I got a parachute on but I need to jump and so I'm you know I admire you I need to prove it I guess I had to prove it to myself you know I had faith all my life and I wanted to trust but I wanted to really understand trust it's easy to trust when you've got something in your hand but it's the end scene and so I think that was just a faith I wanted to look through myself so that means pondering that means considering or thinking about okay but one thing I want to say is that the Holy Spirit is the one that is the how and the Holy Spirit is the thing that ignites the whole thing and it's like you take a little bit of willingness along with the might of this light that's in your mind and this light is powerful you know it can do more than move mountains in fact mountains are kind of tiny for it all the spheres and the planets the whole cosmos the energy behind the movement of all that gives you a little bit of an idea of how powerful this light is in this mind so mountains are like two little dimples but what I'm going to say is that the Holy Spirit will reach your mind where you believe you are so you will never be given anything that is beyond what you can handle and what that means is is that the Holy Spirit will gradually as Robin said loosen your mind from these false concepts of beliefs nothing gets ripped away and in fact in the course Jesus says don't be afraid that you're going to get hold into reality and that's a very interesting place to get hold into reality because it would be like let's say you go to a movie theater and you're watching a movie and you know how it takes a couple minutes for your eyes to really adjust to the darkness and the previews have already started and you've got to walk in there and you need to stand back a little bit for a while even if the lights are down at the bottom because you just stand here and run into you know, seats and everything if you try to just plow down there so it takes a little while for your eyes to adjust to that movie theater for a while your eyes become very adjusted to that movie theater so much so that in the middle of the movie if you got up and you went right out the exit door and it was a blazing sunny day that sunlight would actually hurt your eyes because that would be too great of a transition from a dark theater to a bright bright sunny day and that's a great metaphor for the Holy Spirit the Holy Spirit is not going to yank you out of a dark theater, a dark dream of separation into the blazing light of reality because it would be absolutely too frightening and everyone who believes they're here in this world is afraid of that life even though we've grown to seemingly evolve beyond punishing views of God to views of the loving God let me assure you that if you still have irritations and annoyances and struggles in your life subconsciously there's a deep seated belief in an angry and vicious God even though God has nothing to do with anger or viciousness the Holy Spirit has got a real convincing job to teach this mind that God is just pure love like the prodigal son story and will welcome you back in any instant completely no questions asked that's what I feel like but I sing like actually I'm like 46 when I was good almost 25 years ago I had a very heavy experience with the master and after that I thought that's it I came kind of like I'm going to keep my eyes wide open as possible I've got it and I'm going to do it and it's just like coming back now to it but all this time later and I don't know just like reevaluating totally I'm not the same person anymore I'm like about this big compared to that big and when the fears and worries come up I should be more comfortable with all this when the fears and worries come up which is what you're sharing as you approach this real turnaround in your mind that's what's going to happen in other words the fears have been pressed down for a millennium down into the mind from a longer re-incarnation perspective you might say that this darkness has been so deep that these seeming lifetimes just keep playing out over and over as opportunities to let this darkness be dissolved away gently and so what's going to happen is as you begin this journey the fears are going to come up and that's exactly what happened when I was feeling like a calling to impel really to go out and start to share my joy and my experiences I still had thoughts I still had thoughts just like you're describing what you do for a month you're here and here and what survival, future health insurance, life insurance mental plan we can get into this specific exactly what it comes out there should be good things to think about but it's like you said it's not happening and when you think about it you become obsessed with that so what do you do which gives you a course and it's a very practical course in fact you only really gave me the text but it would make the work with lessons more meaningful that text is not to turn into as I can describe in the Pharisees where you can memorize 31 chapters and go around and quote verse and text and you know sentence and this and that and now with the second edition they actually numbered all the sentences and almost a temptation there for the Bible book put it all around and have the whole thing you know it's the workbook that's the transformation tool that workbook gives you one short lesson a day just to apply and he basically said I'm telling you what, I'm giving you a workbook one lesson a day, 365 days in a year this workbook is perfectly designed for you it assumes that you're not awake already it assumes that you have fear and doubts it assumes that you're not ready to go off the deep end you're ready to just start switching your toes around in the baby pool when you get to lesson one it's perfectly designed by I call it the master psychologist who knows your mind so well better than you know yourself he knows you that well and he's going to give you a step by step in the informational program in which he simply says just don't do more than one lesson a day don't try to sit down and you know do the whole package and eat the whole box of crackers one lesson a day and as best you can try not to make any exceptions to the lessons that are presented and he knows that you're going to skip practice periods he knows that you're going to have difficulty doing what he's asking you to do one lesson a day or five times he knows you're going to miss sometimes don't beat yourself up about that this is designed to just go ahead and do the best you can move on if you have a particular lesson that really is meaningful and you feel like the Carol King song I feel the earth move under my feet and you say I'm going to hang with this one a couple of days that's fine, remember he said just no more than one lesson a day you can hang with a particular lesson that's really meaningful for you and as best you can try not to make exceptions because he knows those fear thoughts are going to come out and he knows those bell thoughts are going to come out and that's the purpose of actually the beginning lessons is to loosen up the crust down there and let those things come up so when I first started doing this I had those thoughts that you were describing come up big time I really take this step I mean I'm telling the travel but I have no affiliation with church or with an organization I can't call back the central office but I can say my debit card got refused send me another one out no way it wasn't like the campus church where you've got millions of dollars somewhere and you can send it out send it out to the missionaries also I didn't have anything I had no money markets I had no stocks and bonds I had absolutely nothing to go on except faith and that's what you were talking about when you started this time literally you needed $5,000 just to get going and that $5,500 showed up and off you went and the same with me when I hopped in that car the first time I mean I went traveling and a rancher book a huge book by a psychiatrist who said just read the last section that's the only one that would be helpful to you and I had that on the tip I went the second night out I was at a campground and I heard this blind man singing and just belting out all these beautiful sounds and I felt like I was at an opera even I was staying at a campground for like $10 a night and the third night out I came into the last five minutes of the Course in Medicals group and they were arguing about sexuality and a very heated argument and I just walked in there in the last five minutes which took a lot of function just to walk in in the last five minutes of the meeting by the way spirits had to get in there and I walked in and then after the argument the class said and they said take it up to me we don't always do this and this and that and then they invited me to lunch and I went out with them and the guy invited me to his house and they said let's do a course in medicals you seem to know what you're talking about and there was that evening third night out on this houseboat on a lake in Tulsa, Oklahoma there had been in Tulsa, Oklahoma eating watermelon spitting the seeds of watermelon out with the moon shining and it was surreal and we were talking and I thought to myself oh my god is this what my life would be like and at the end when the boat finally came in and they said well it's Sunday night we've all got to go to work tomorrow and my people can stay on the houseboat as long as you want I had never met any of these people five minutes in course in medicals meeting I had a lot of fear coming up and basically I told Jesus and the Holy Spirit you're going to have to knock my socks off for me to do this because I've had a lot of training and education that says you've got to be practical and prudent and you just don't do these things you're a fool you're a gullible you're an idiot to think you can go out there and those are kind of off my face so that's a good thing to give the Holy Spirit say not my socks off it's your job convince me I've got my little willingness here give it to me with both barrel when you ask the Holy Spirit and they're watching they're going to say knock my socks off because the Holy Spirit has been waiting for millennium for you to say that it's an open back open back to all the big angels the regions of angels with all the squirrels that are ready to get out so that's one thing now the other thing is I had to meticulously do the lessons in other words I was talking when I spoke the last couple of days about lesson 50 and lesson 76 lesson 50 says I am sustained by the love of God and Jesus gets into all the particulars he said in this world you believe you are sustained by everything but love of God pills, money, protective clothing knowing the right people being light boom, boom, boom, boom you believe in all these things then he gets into 76 the laws of nutrition the laws of friendship the laws of economics the laws of medicine he says you believe in these things and you need to start questioning these things and if you just do these lessons I've already got the structured program for you figure out how you're going to do it I'll do it for you you just give me that little willingness every day to do these lessons so that's really practical too because you know represent the money in this world money seems so, so valuable because it's so exchangeable for so many good services money, shelter, time, everything and he calls it green paper chips and metal discs like it's nothing and now it's the update of course you put the little plastic cards in because those little plastic cards seem to be the source of a lot of worry and stress too much in there, not enough gotta cover my balance and so on so if you start to do the lessons what'll happen is you'll start to have people work with the beginning lessons their dreams change and I've talked to people that 24 hours or 48 hours had a real little life that's completely turned around she bought her husband's tonight and the kids and the animals and even everything and I've talked to a number of people that have been saying that's how powerful it is now the next thing I want to say too is when I started doing this and I started traveling the biggest block that I had was pride and vanity I was raised with the process of work I was raised you don't take a hand out from anybody you go out there and you work for every penny and you do like everybody else does and so here I am I turn my life over to God I'm out on the road and people start offering me things and I've got too much pride I started I was offered so number one I'm the one giving you these things I had to listen to my boyfriend say it seems like it's people donating money to start the center or giving you here, here's a ride, come stay at my house this guy who let me stay on his boat he's a salesman he said here, I get all these extra samples he gave me his little individual boxes of cereal he gave me a box this high and this wide and if you've got some fears whether you're going to have enough food to eat on the road it's kind of a nice symbol when somebody gives you a big box with checked cereal so frankly, wrapped in package to last you over a long time I'm kind of like just in case you're afraid you're going to starve to death and open one little box I got this with a lot of from heaven and the woman who was traveling she was like every day, David hey, this is a symbol from God I like this guy because everybody is crazy in the start and I'm just giving things along the way in fact, she was sure that we had to stop and work along the way and get jobs and this and that and he said hey, I've seen so many miracles we're just going to knock our socks off and by the time we were halfway through the trip she called back, let go of her apartment let go of her jobs she was just so blown away by the miracles and she just said okay, I see, I give up I mean this again and that's the good news about this and so what I'm saying here this isn't kind of a pie in the sky thing we're kind of an ostrich bearing the head in the sand if you have commitment, responsibility if you have things that you've said in motion the Holy Spirit is not going to have you just abdicate and just drop the ball on those things the Holy Spirit will work through you and that's what happened prior to my travels was working with jobs becoming more humble loosening the pride and paying off student loans and doing the things that you would imagine a God of integrity a God of value would do it's not going to have you just drop the ball on anything and that's important to remember too because the Holy Spirit will not gain the tablecloth out you'll be told specifically what would be helpful to do and he knows your doubts are going to come up so I share those things, Robin just a thought here where when I was going through this when I was going through this myself and it really brought up waves and waves of fear but I just kept going back to the course and I would keep looking it up and keep finding myself back into I think that doesn't it say discernment is wisdom without judgment and I knew it's got a lot and also whenever you're making any decision that if you just pick that you know the only right use of judgment is whether or not you're experiencing joy so every time that we come down to making a decision should I do this or should I do that you know should I put this money down on this property or should I make sure I have enough to cover my kids it's like there was always these decisions where I felt like I was stuck in the middle because you don't know what's going to happen in a week and you don't know where things are going to come from and you can't think right and when in that place of what feels like paralysis it's like nothing happens so you have to stay in this flow but would you just do that which brings you the least amount of fear at the time whatever that is and so sometimes I would kind of veer this way and I would kind of go back into my material world and take care of things there and then I kind of veer back this way and if you can just every time if you just ask what brings me either sometimes the two decisions both seem fearful so it's not like you can just go well what makes me feel most people neither one makes me feel peaceful you know when you're in the middle of it and it's whatever brings you the least amount of fear at the time sometimes there's the criteria and that's what seems to just kind of gently bump me along and I would get these gentle corrections you know and there's so many decisions that get me when you're in that process of surrender and the undoing and it feels like things are just falling away but they are but initially it feels scary it feels painful because it's things that you've created and all of a sudden they're not there or they're gone I mean even when your house is gone I had never experienced my house needing to sell my house especially if the period after you worked hard for something you wasn't for a long time and then you go oh this is wrong am I doing this too fast there's all these questions and yet as I as you move through it you start to see it's just kind of this I'm doing and you know the thing about faith it doesn't require faith when something's in your hand faith is in the unseen so as your foot kind of leaves the stone as you're leaping out of the next stone the faith is in knowing it's there and so when you're up in the air you just sometimes feel like you're sideways and you just be willing this just I'm willing to know it's there I'm willing to know you won't drop me you won't let me fall and I used to have these dialogues with Jesus in the parking lot at the post office it seemed to be at night nobody's there and I couldn't you know I couldn't be at home I had fear and then I started to be out in the post office and I said well I'm going to go check for mail you know I go down to the post office and we would just have it out in the car and like what is going on because everything seemed like it was being pulled away so it just was funny to me that the grand opening's in the parking lot you know because it's one of my favorite statements