 The Great Gilder Sleeve, the Great Gilder Sleeve starring Harold Perry. In the modest hall of the Great Gilder Sleeve, there occurs a phenomenon peculiar to male youth. It is marked by the gentle pattering of feet. A small voice at the kitchen door, and a delicate hint of his wishes. Well, there's something to do this morning, Lee. Skids are nature's own handymen, my boy. They're beautiful. And, Lee Roy, when you finish raking them, you show you burn the dark things. Morning, Mr. Gilder Sleeve. I had to walk clear out to the curb this morning to get the paper again. Oh, that's too bad for you. Count-founded paper boys can't see beyond the end of their handlebars. Where is the paper? Under the elbow. Oh, yes. Bertie, I think I'll have some scrambled eggs and ham, with a side order of scrambled eggs and chicken and rice. Coming up, Mr. Gilder. Yes, sir. Let's have a comment, son. Lee Roy. Oh, please. Comments. You should read a paper by looking at page one first. The big news. Okay, let's see page one, please. I'm reading it. Here's a comment page. Well, let's see what's happening in the outside world. Oh, man, Piggy, we're gonna... Piggy and I, Lee Roy. Us guys, we're gonna play football this morning. Later, Lee Roy. First things first, my boy. See here, man bites wife, dog, and fit of jealous rage. Apologize. Wonder who he apologized to. Piggy's got a brand new football on, and all the guys are gonna play this morning. Lee Roy, you know you have your duties around the house. You can play this afternoon. But by this afternoon, the ball will be all dirty. Lee Roy, if you'll be quiet a minute, I can get the paper back. You ought to call the paper up and complain about that boy throwing our paper in the gutter. All right. I called them three times, but they don't pay no attention. I think you ought to call them, Mr. Gilson. All right, Birdie, I will. I think you ought to call them you being the water commissioner and all. They keep hiding it in the gutter. How can anybody read the paper? Yeah, Birdie, how can anybody read the paper? How about my breakfast? Coming up, Mr. Gilson, I'm not one for complaining. You know, maybe a man can read the paper in his own home. Water commissioner faces possible jail sentence. Poor fellow problem. Oh, water commissioner? Uncle, if that wasn't gonna be playing football this morning. Oh, Springfield water commissioner. I didn't think it was me. Emerson Brunker, Springfield water commissioner, today faced a possible fine of $10,000 for 10 years in prisonment, or both. Or malfeasance in office. I could write the lease this afternoon, huh? Yeah, all right, Leroy. An audit disclosed a shortage in Brunker's department of $5.52. Hmm, probably betting on the races. Or tomorrow, maybe, huh? Yes, yes, Leroy. If Brunker says... Please, don't talk to us. Leroy? Leroy? Confound that boy. That was deliberate malfeasance. I'll have to ask Judge Hooker what malfeasance means. Well, good morning, Marjorie. Well, you look so different today. Sit down and have some breakfast, my dear. Did you sleep well? Just fine, auntie. Please, Burley. Oh, what's in the paper this morning, auntie? Same old thing. Trouble. Springfield water commissioner is about to get the works. That wasn't intentional, my dear. It just came to me. That, I believe. Well, it's Brunker. He's the commissioner in Springfield. The accounts were short $5.52. Obviously, the man is incompetent. I was just about to read his statement. Let's see here. Auntie, hold the paper up a little more, will you? What? What a darling play suit Hogan Brothers are advertising. By George, I'm going to work where I can read this paper in peace. And besides, you're too big a girl to be wearing a play suit. Commissioner is a regular ogre. He gobbles up little girls. Especially ones from Savannah, Georgia. There's no place sitting here, can we? Did you say you wanted to pay your water bill, Lila? Well, the Summerfield Water Department has just this very day. Inaugurated a new service. It has? Oh, it certainly has. We now collect payments in the water commissioner's car. What? But only from our favorite customer. Oh, it's Rockmore, and you're sweet. Am I really, Lila? Oh, you certainly are. Here, now, I have the bill and the money in this envelope, and I'll put it in the breast pocket of your coat. Take a look. Now, do you know where it is? Sure, it's in my breast pocket. Rockmorten. What's the matter? It's right over your heart. Oh. Yo, yo, yo. Now, you won't forget, will you, Rockmorten? Forget. They don't call me elephant boy for nothing, you know. Well, yes, but... First thing. Oh, I'm sorry, Rockmorten. Quite all right, Lila. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be... Oh, don't be mad at me, it's Rockmorten. Let's forget it, Lila. Rockmorten, I wanted you to come to a little tea party this afternoon. I just happened to be stopped, that's all. Oh, now, let's not talk about it anymore. All right. You won't be busy this afternoon. You know, some men are born with four thumbs. Especially handsome ones. Oh, boy. What time is your tea party, Lila? Oh, any time. I thought it would be nice if I started having afternoon teas. Just intimate little affair. Sounds like a great idea. Great. I thought we'd sit around and drink tea and I'd bake cookies. Would you like that, Rockmorten? Oh, I'd like anything you do with those dainty, white hands, Lila, especially cookies. And afterwards, we could sort of rest on the sofa and discuss things. Sounds real cozy. Just you and the judge and I. Judge Hooker? What's he doing at our party? I'm part of it. Shhh. Why, Rockmorten Horace is your best friend. And besides, he said he can't stay long. Oh, well, in that case. Then I'll expect you the minute to get through with it. I might even fudge a little. Oh, I hope so. And hadn't we better be on our way? On our way? If I'm going to bake cookies, I have to hurry to town and pay my water bills. Well, I thought I was going to do that for you. Oh, Rockmorten, whatever makes me so giddy. I'd like to think it was me. Maybe it is. You have such a fine brain, Rockmorten. You never forget a thing, do you? Forget? They don't call me elephant, do I? Never forget. Once there's a place to park, right? Valley kids these days. Did you do it? I don't see your name on it anyplace. First come, first park. Someday, Horace, you'll go too far. That reminds me. I have to go now. See you at Lila's. And just a minute, Horace, old friend. Old friend? What do you say we ditch that tea party? What? You know how these affairs are. A lot of idle chit chat. That doesn't mean a thing. Well, I'm not fond of tea parties, but I promise Lila. Oh, come on. I'll make some excuse to Lila for both of us. I don't know. What are you proposing the way of a substitute? Well, why don't we just the two of us go up to Grass Lake and get a little fishing, huh? The season closes next Wednesday, you know. I don't know, Gilday. Come on, Horace. Just think we could wear our old clothes. You wouldn't even have to change. You would, or you'd scare all the fish away. Very good. What do you say, Horace? Let's rent a boat and just drift while we strengthen our friendship with real man talk. Man talk? What's that? Man to man. Ye gods, Horace. Haven't you ever talked man to man? Or has it always judged a victim? What, for instance, would you call man talk? Just what would we talk about? Anything. Politics, love, murder, anything you like. Come to think of it, Gilday. I would like to get your reaction to that story about the Springfield water commissioner getting into trouble. As your friend and attorney, I'd like to know, is there any danger of an incident like that here in Summerfield? Certainly not. But you know what happened, don't you? Of course I do. What? Well, according to the statement he gave to police, he was so far behind in his collection he had to juggle the books. And that's how they trapped him. Are your collections throughout Morton? Never better. I keep my department and apple pie ordered all times. Well, or maybe one or two delinquent accounts. Well, look what happened to Brunker. You'd better watch those delinquent accounts, Gilday. Turn off their water just once. Just once, and I guarantee they'll pay up on time thereafter. But, Judge, you can't go around turning off people's water. What if they get thirsty? Well, they can go down to the drugstore and buy a Coke. How would they wash dishes? They can go down to the drugstore and buy some paper plates. Well, how would they take baths? They can grate Caesar's little fishes, Gilday. You're the water commissioner, not the guardian of the public's ablutions. You have a responsibility to the state, to the people as a whole. When the time comes to be tough, you've got to be tough. It's no use, Judge. I'm not tough. I'm just lovable. Now that's the trouble. Don't you worry about the water department, Horace. How about it? We going fishing this afternoon? Well, sounds like it might be fun. Great. I'll meet you at the boat house. I've got several things to attend to, so if I'm a little late, you row on out and fish till I get there. Well, all right. See you later, Gilday. What a sucker. By the way, old man, if I'm a little late, you fish till I get there. Huh? And we'll find out whether hookers swallowed Gildersley's bait in just a minute. Bessie? Bessie? What's Bessie has on my mind? Dear sir, this is to inform you your water account is seven months past due. Seven months? You guys, what do you think we're running here? A public drinking fountain? Don't tell me all these letters are delinquent notices. Six months, eight months, 12 months. That's almost a whole year. Why, George, it is a whole year. Count on the people why they pay their bills. I certainly hate to turn off their water. Gildersley, are you a man or a mouse? What's that got to do with it? You've got to be tough about these things. You have a responsibility to the state. The people as a whole. You're derelict in your duty. Imagine, me, a derelict. I am not. You are. I am not. You are. I am arguing with myself. But I'm right, like I told Hooker. When the time comes to be tough, you've got to be tough. The old goat. Let's see what that Waterworks phone number says. What do you think we should do about people who don't pay their water bills? Can't you express an opinion? What's matter, commissioner? The job's too big for you? No, the job isn't too big for me. Try and call me to make your decision. I'm not calling you to make my decision, Charlie. I've already made one. I want you to turn off everybody's water who hasn't paid their bills for three months. Three months? Right. I'll have Bessie make a list. You can pick it up in an hour and start right away. We're running an office here. Bring off whenever you feel like it, Bessie. Buy George your places here. How are we ever going to get the work caught up if we just keep dashing out? Yes, sir. So I'm going to be gone for the rest of the day, Bessie. Let's see. Seems like there was something I was supposed to remember. Pay the gas bill. I don't know. I haven't got my third notice yet. Oh, yes, Bessie. Charlie Anderson will be buying an hour to pick up a list of accounts linked with more than three months. Yes, sir. I knew I'd remember it. Pee-pee, give me about a half a dozen cigars. What would you do if you paid your water bill, Pee-pee? Well, now, Mr. George, I'm absolutely tempted to mine, sir. I hardly think it's necessary to start donening me so soon. That'll be 93 cents. No, no, no. All I meant was you aren't delinquent, are you? If you mean by delinquent, have I ever been in trouble with the police? The answer is no. There is. You're nothing serious. Confounded, Pee-pee. I don't care if you have a private cell at Jolietta. I'm talking about your water bill. I'm just telling my little joke, Mr. George. Has there been a mistake in my statement? How should I know? You're the water commissioner, aren't I? Stop thinking. I want to ask you advice on something. I'm always glad to give advice, Mr. George, even if there's no profit in it. The cigars were 93 cents, Mr. George. Look, Pee-pee, I did a pretty drastic thing this morning. Too darn many people have been playing on my generous nature. They let their water bills go as long as 12 months. So I'm having their water turned off. You don't care? Yes. Now, what would you do if you were water commissioner? Well, Mr. George, leave. I think the first thing I'd do is sell this drug store. Look, Pee-pee, forget the drug store. I want a pleasant thought. And you know if I could get elected water commissioner? Pee-pee, just forget the whole thing. Well, I thought you wanted some advice. No, you're too late. I've already acted. Well, I didn't mean to make you mad, Mr. George. I'm not mad. If anything, I feel gay. You see, Pee-pee, I'm expected by a certain party at a certain time. At a certain time? Yeah, at a certain place. And if things go right, there'll be just the two of us there. Yeah. Well, aren't you curious? I mean, isn't there any question you'd like to ask? Yes, there is. About how many families, would you say, will be affected by your cut-off order? If you must know about 40 family Pee-pees, why? Well, I wanted to get a run on how much extra soda wanted to order. Oh, you don't miss a trick, do you, Pee-pee? You can't afford to, Mr. Phillips. I was remarking to Judge Hooper just a few minutes before you came in. Hooker, was he in here? Yes, he was. He wanted to buy some oil of citronella. Ah, the judge always takes citronella on a fishing trip. He draws flies, you know, Pee-pee. Well, got a dash off. That was $0.90 for the cigars and $0.03 for the governor, Mr. Gillespie. Put it on my bill, Pee-pee. I've got till the 10th of the month, too, you know. Hee-hee-hee-hee. Hello, Angel. Hello, Sugar Pie. Thought you were in fishing. I did, and I caught something, too, you big fish. Why are you scheming, conniving, double-crossing? Well, I'll wait. Just wait until I tell Lila how you tried to persuade me to go fishing with you. Maybe you can try a little of your man talk on her. Hooker, if you say anything, I'll break your head. Well, this morning, Gillespie and I had a little man talk. He suggested it. Yes, a man talk. You wouldn't understand. Well, I'd like to know why not. I declare it's rock-morten you're getting more and more like my late husband, Beauregard. I wonder if that's a compliment. He was always keeping it a secret. Though I'm sure it didn't bother me in the least. Merely annoyed me. Well, this matter is no secret, Lila. As I was saying, Gillespie... Ah, shall we go in and make ourselves comfortable? Dibs on the easy chair. Hee-hee-hee-hee. I'll sit here on the sofa. I'll sit on the sofa, too. Say, this easy chair is comfortable. You want to try it, Horace? No, thank you. Now, as I was saying, Lila, Gillespie... Ah, did you make the cookies, Lila? I promised, didn't I? As I was saying... Horace, you tell rock-morten about it while I get the cookies. And I'll get the tea ready while you bars past the time of day. All right, Lila. We'll just chat a while. You all go to... You foreplusher. You all go to... You just wait until I tell Lila... Here she comes now. No, Judge, I don't think it'll rain. Rock-morten. Yes, Lila. Are the cookies ready? Yes, rock-morten. That's nice. And be a tea? That isn't going to be any tea. Oh, forgot to buy some. Well, never mind. Horace can run down to the grocery store. Mr. Gilda Sleeve, my water has been turned off. Well, it'll only take a half of it. What'd you say, Lila? I said my water has been turned off. Commissioner? Horace told me to turn it off, Lila. Well, Judge Hooker, I just wish some of my male relatives were here. Now, wait a minute, Lila. I did nothing of the kind. I merely advised the commissioner here to turn off the delinquent subscribers. I had no idea you were one of them. How have you know that I'm not? I gave Rock-morten the money this m... Mr. Gilda Sleeve. Hmm. You pay my water bill this morning. Rock-morten, answer me. Bill water? And water bill? Rock-morten, what do I see in your breast pocket? Looks like an envelope. Snitch. It is an envelope. The one I gave you this morning. This is all your carelessness, Mr. Gilda Sleeve. Now, why don't we all go over to my house and have tea over there? Well, Horace might like to. You may count me out, Gilda. I just remembered a previous engagement. To go fishing. Well, if Horace is going fishing, yes, I'll come over. You get the cookies spread out, Lila, while I make the tea. All right, Rock-morten. That's it. And now for some water. Goodness. Well, I got you over here under false pretenses. Aren't you sweet? Let's go sit on the sofa, huh? He'll be asleep in a few minutes, folks. The Great Gilda Sleeve is played by Harold Peller. This week's story was written by Frank Moore and Bill Kelsey. The cast includes Walter Tetley and Millian Randolph who play Leroy and Birdie. Lila Ransom is Shirley Mitchell. Judge Hook, Judge Hooker is Earl Ross and Dick LeGrand plays Mr. Peabody. The music is by Jack Meathen. This is the Armed Forces Radio Service, the voice of information and education.