 we've now turned public figures, all public figures into politicians. And so everything is like a statement and an example beings there. And I just could not get that into my thick fucking skull until truly like the last year. And I still fuck up. But I, I really just thought I was joining in a conversation like I'm so desperate all the time to learn about people because I feel so abnormal. And I really want to understand people. And I think if I can understand them, then maybe I can be more like them. And then maybe I'll be more acceptable. And so I just want to, I just want to join in the conversation. Like I don't think my opinion is better than anyone else. Even when I came out swinging as like this big feminist and everyone was like, Jamil Jamil, the feminist hero that we need. Like people were hyperbolizing how amazing and extraordinary. Like just this fucking pedestal. Right. But I like the conclusion you came to with all that years ago. And I don't know if you can still believe it. But the thing of like I'm canceled or whatever. There's no, there is no such thing. You just go, oh, you didn't like it? All right. Well, I'm not going to stop. I'm not going to stop. I'm not going to go away. I'm not going to disappear. But what I was saying about the whole like, you know, like me being like hyperbolized, that's how amazing I was. Even then back from the beginning, I was like, no, no, no, no, I left school at 16. Like I'm a feminist in progress. I'm figuring it out. I'm just learning. I've always tried to avoid this idea that like, I think that I am on this soapbox and you should listen to me. I'm just speaking my opinion. And I think the reason they're drawn to me is not because they think I'm always right, but I think it's because they think it's refreshing that I'm willing to just try publicly. I'm willing to show my workings out. I'm willing to make the mistake, get back up, try again. I'm not trying to impress or lead anything. I don't think that I have the right to tell anyone like what to do. There are things that I feel should happen, or there are things that I think are unjust and inhumane, but I'm just speaking about it as one human being who believes this thing. And I think it's publicized because you're good looking and they're divisive issues and it's fun to pile on. We love to bring a woman up. We love to build a woman up because then the higher we build her up, the bigger the fucking drop, we always cyclically drag her down by her pubes and then like throw her in a gutter. But enough about Pakistan. Fuck me, Neil. But the pedestal is just a trap door to a big toilet of shit. And I knew that going on my way up. I remember you saying like, yeah, you were like, I watched these girls shrink from the negative attention except for a few of them who would just go, no, I'm not going anywhere. Yeah, man, I get into trouble all the time and we are treated as women in particular as like, if you've done something wrong, you have to leave forever. You have to, you can't burden anyone else with your existence. We can't, you can't set a bad example for the others that they know that they can also make mistakes. We have to fucking get rid, you need to get rid of yourself. A lot of the women who disappeared after they were canceled or globally, you know, like piled onto, they actually canceled themselves most of the time. They opted out of all opportunities. Yeah. Not to say that they hadn't lost opportunities, but they just like disappeared from public life because we're taught that our only value is how likable or fuckable we are, how easy we make it for everyone else. So if you create a challenging situation for people and you're a woman, then how fucking dare you? Do you know how lucky you are to be in the room? And I just kind of was like, I don't know, man, like in 2020, when I really piled onto for every single fucking thing that I did or said, like it was just, it was coming. I'd had too many years of being like hailed as God to survive it and I was being dragged down. And I did have the thought of, why should I probably leave? I should probably retire and go and do something else or retrain. Coach, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Oh, go and start up a video shot. I'm sure that'll do well in this climate. But then I thought, well, what would a white guy do? Most of the white men that I know would go like, oh yeah, that was unfortunate. But you know what? I'll figure it out. I'll just keep going. I was like, why don't we all do that? But it also doesn't mean any, that's the other, whether it's a white man or not, it's none of it means anything. But you don't learn that until you do it, right? And the only people that I had examples of who would just keep going were white men. So I was like, well, why don't we all just try this? I'm just going to stick around and see what happens. Yes, people find me annoying or unlikable or flawed in some way. Fine. I'm just going to keep going and see what happens. This is going to become my own life experiment. Because fuck it, because that's been my entire philosophy through life. And in doing so, I realized people move on. They don't even remember what they were fucking about. They don't care. The work comes back and you just grow and you do better. And actually, it's amazing for some people in society to have an example of someone who does fuck up and then changes. We have so many perfect idols, especially women, like where they look perfect, not hair out of place, like they don't, they have the right opinion or no opinion, the perfect behavior, the perfect smile. And I think that was fucking toxic for me as a kid to see that. Because that's the standard I held myself up to. And I know these people in real life, they are far from perfect. So projecting this perfect image just upholds this like bullshit standard that makes young people feel like suffocated by that level of perfection. I would rather people know that I'm a fuck up and that like we're in this shit together. My podcast is me learning in real time and being publicly ignorant. I'm not proud of it, but I mean, again, why not? But the other thing with all the, all of the things that you saw as like media things or whatever were nothing, they weren't, to anyone that wasn't you, it was like, I just, they were all ignorable. They weren't, it wasn't like front page. It was like, I don't know. Some of it was front page views. Some of it was really crazy. And I did lose like work from doing so. And I did lose a lot of money from the choices that I made and the fights that I took on. And so it was very real, but it doesn't mean that I can't grow and change. Like something that just drives me fucking crazy about liberals now, like especially social media liberals is this idea that like, what's the point of all your activism if you don't actually fundamentally believe that people can change? What are we doing here? Why are we ordering saying anything? They all want criminal justice forms, but not social. Yeah. Yeah. They hate cops, but they behave like cops. It's just like, I've more and more distanced myself from that movement. I believe in all the same causes, but the way that they go about it horrifies me. And I own my own responsibility in the fact that I was complicit within pitchfork culture when I was younger. I agree. That's the only part of any of this that I hold my fucking hand up. I regret is like being scaldy. That's the only part of like the last 15 years that I regret. I regret just being like, yeah. And it's it's so fucking gross at myself. Because just like, who has ever learned anything who has ever grown from being shamed and maimed? I certainly haven't. I've learned from moments of grace and a bit of space to learn. Right. And then I've grown and I've changed. I was a massive fucking misogynist like 10, 12 years ago, massive misogynist, really didn't like or respect women. And I've become who I am now, who is a very different person, who fights passionately for the rights of women and who really cares. And it comes from really deep inside of me. It's like, I changed. And so we can all change. I have belief in change. I have like an immense amount of grace and mercy I would like to extend to other people that was extended to me once. And I don't, I do not subscribe to the way that social media liberals or liberals like, you know, use this the way they weaponize moral perfection. It's just it, I find it deeply disturbing. And I'm just like the hypocrisy is too much to bear. And what I was joining in on with my little pitchfork or my little soapbox five years ago was, was me thinking we were a part of trying to change what was bad. I had no idea what this was going to become, which was just like a constant self sabotaging, self mutilating, like witch hunt for each other. Like no big systemic issues helped. Nothing about poor people, nothing about like what's actually impacting the vast majority, just fucking infighting and nitpicking and ego maniacal who like mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the like most, I don't know, yeah, who's the purest of them all. So that has been like a huge shift for me and liberating myself from that has been Yeah, it was a, it was a, it was all performative and it was not nobody was Mine wasn't performative. I really thought we were trying to change something, but I But in retrospect, you're not changing anything. You're not fucking changing anything. No, it wasn't helpful the way I spoke to people like when men were really horrible and vile to me online, rather than ignore it or just challenge like, Hey, why are you speaking to a total stranger like this? I just call them an insole. It's a fucking horrible thing to say. Even if they're being horrible to me, it's a fucking horrible, like reductive, shitty thing to say to someone. You have no idea like what their life experience is like. I, I've just the last four years have been so transformative for me to realize that like, none of us have a leg to stand on if we don't treat people with the humanity and grace that we wish to receive ourselves. If someone's telling you how to behave, check your wallet or check your panties. I'd stand by it. Hey, did you like that? Did you like that? Yeah, did you like it though? You want more? Don't want to work? Would rather watch videos of me grab assing with people? First I'll go up here to subscribe and then go up here to watch more clips. This is like when the weatherman says there's a high pressure system coming in. I'm not really used to the green screen.