 So, I want to be candid with you all and let you know that I actually borrowed this title from a friend of mine, Matt Boggs, and he's got great content. I didn't watch the video he shared, but I thought this would be a great topic to talk about how men demonstrate their love, how they show it, and it's going to relate to a little bit to our relationship. So, what do you think of that? Okay. I relate everything in our coaching to our relationship. So, before I begin though, I do want to share something that we did this weekend there. Once a month, we have a day devoted to our relationship where we unpack things within our relationship and we spend a day together in a little bit of romantic way, but mostly in a way to connect with one another. And something came up this weekend that I thought I'd like to share with the group centered around our ancestral connections to who we are, and we're both parents of immigrants. Actually, you come from another country. No, we're children of immigrants. We're parents of immigrants. Correct. We're children of immigrants. Well, technically, you're an immigrant. Well, I am, but I came when I was four, so... So, it doesn't count. So, I'm American, but yeah. So, we talked about our ancestors and why I'm bringing this up, because when we think of relationships throughout history, it's a lot different today than what it was, say, our grandparents' generation and the generation before that, because love wasn't the predominant reason for two people to mate together. Okay. Okay. Well, I mean, do you agree with that? Yeah. Well, I do. A lot of things were done in the past. People were arranged, or you just married someone that was compatible to your family and they could take your tribe. Yeah, your tribe. Yeah. So, apparently, from a woman's perspective, when she met a man, it was also his job to protect her because she's leaving one family for another family, and ideally, if you could commingle families together, the stronger the family unit, the more they could survive the elements. And so, relationships, I'm going to say, not your grandparents' day, but their parents before them. A lot of it was based on survival. It wasn't based on love. Well, think of the show we were watching. And we were watching what was it called, ancient civilizations, and we're watching things like that. So, I'm just sharing all this with you because I think it's important to recognize that love, for the most part, has really been a new phenomena in the course of human mating versus throughout in caveman days up until, you know, say three or 400 years ago. So, when we talk about love, oftentimes it's grandiose from the movies like The Notebook or even one of my favorites, Harry Met Sally. We grand eyes love, and yet today, for midlife folks, it's a lot harder to determine if somebody you're spending time with you is really actually cares about you, has your best interest, truly loves you. And you've experienced previous relationships where you weren't feeling that. Am I right? Yes. Okay. And so now, okay. And I was just bringing this up earlier. Being in our relationship, could you even go back to who you were to before? Like in other words, could you do what you did before knowing what you know now with our relationship? No, it would be completely different. I mean, we all evolve as people in relationships as well. But you hope to become better versions of yourself within a relationship. Yeah. But what I'm really going, getting at is would you have accepted the men that you dated previously knowing what you know now, especially what you know about love? Excuse me. Well, no, because I know myself more. Talk about that. You know yourself more. I know myself more. I know what I, what I want and I accepted some things that I just, that just weren't right for me. One of the things I talk about frequently in my private coaching is women say they know what they want. You hear my calls. So you hear me say, they all seem to know what they want, but then they go through this proprietary coaching program I created. And every single time they say the same thing, I didn't know what I wanted. My point is now that you've experienced this, isn't it kind of different going, if you had to, if our relationship ended, how you would view love going forward? It would be different, of course, but, but I don't, I don't think that, you know, because I've evolved as a person, that's why I think it would be different. Okay. You know, I, I just, I don't put up with nonsense and I didn't, I, I did for a long time. Okay. So, yeah. Okay. So we're talking about seven undeniable signs. A guy is in love with you. Okay. You have not been privy to what I've shared. I do this all the time. I come up with content and then I kind of spring it on you. So I do want people to know that that, because that's why sometimes I stumble because I don't, I don't know what he's going to ask me. You feel like a deer in the headlight sometimes, am I right? Okay. So, um, I want to share this because what I've outlined is not, is to some degree universal because as I'm experiencing our relationship and how I show up as a man in relationship, I'm recognizing that as I look through other relationships that I admire, they all seem to have these same qualities, these same experiences. So for you ladies out there, I'm really trying to give you insight is if you're currently in a relationship with someone and you don't feel like you're being loved, you don't feel like you're a priority, you don't feel like there's a real foundation being built. One of the fundamental principles for a relationship is for two people to build a foundation and more importantly, commit to that foundation that they built together. Absolutely. Okay. So, yes, and a lot of people are in casual relationships because of kind of what I'm about to share today. So I want to put on my glasses, my trusty glasses as someone commented earlier and I know some of you go, I should wear my glasses all the time, but I'm still trying to get used to it. So number one, when a man who actually decides he wants commitment and partnership before he ever begins dating, that's the first thing he does before he ever meets you is he knows he has a vision of commitment and partnership and how you know he's in love with you is he talks about his vision and partnership and he's looking to see if you share that same vision. So let's talk about our relationship. When we began exploring a relationship together, I said, well, first off, because we had distance involved, I said, first and foremost, if this relationship is going to work, we have to be in the same city for it to work. And then I began sharing my vision of what a relationship would look like. And you agreed with me. Well, I agreed and I had no problem moving here. As I said before, I have two grown children that live here and and I have two grown children that live in Chicago. And so I was done with Chicago winters. So I was looking to move someplace warm anyway and was that why you made it made more sense coming here when we met because I, you know, I have two children here. But it's not just where we live. Our shared vision also is part of it is living environment. Part of our shared vision is how we view partnership and relationship, how we view teamwork and relationship. We really unpacked our lifestyles to really determine is this a relationship that has legs versus, you know, how many people say, but they say, I need to take it slow, you know, and they need to take it slow after they've said, I'm looking for a relationship. Well, you know, at this point in my life, I didn't want to take things really slow. I wanted to get down to, you know, what what the substance of the relationship would be like. And and that's when I knew those were the right people for me. So building a foundation, a vision of the future, and and I want to add this is that strong desire for commitment and partnership, I believe when a man is genuinely in love, he already has that in the back of his mind. And he's looking for someone who shares that. Correct. Okay. Number two, he's intentional during the dating process. And what that means is he, he's making time for you. He plans opportunities for you to get together with one another. I mean, in our relationship, I was pretty intelligent about after I left Chicago, I'm like, I want to see you right away. And we made plans. We shared airfare. I mean, we said, well, I was already coming, but you were coming here for the first time. But the next time I said, I'll pick up the airfare, I was intentional about wanting to see you. And I think a lot of men, when they're not actually feeling, you know, I think most guys know very quickly, if they're in beyond the, I know I'm doing a squirrel, beyond the love bombers and those guys that are looking to get laid. When a guy genuinely knows he wants you, he's going to pursue you. I mean, you felt pursued by me, right? Yeah. And you, you could tell I was intentional and I was continually making time for us to meet and spend time together. Bottom line, there was no game playing. There was no games. It was this is, you know, let's see, I'm going to be out there. I'll come see you and let's see how things go. So we both made time for each other. We were both intentional. So it wasn't just a one way street. It was a two way straight here. OK, three, once you've committed to exploring a relationship together, he progresses the relationship forward. And what I mean to say, and that's the piggybacks a little bit about the dating. It was interesting. I was, I was watching, we were both watching a Jay Shetty video or Jay Shetty is someone we both admire. And I was watching a video he did on the women of impact. And he talked about it takes 40 hours to get to know someone, 40 hours of face to face time, OK, roughly about 40. Just to get to know someone at a base level. Now, my videos, I always say it takes about 100 hours to build the first layer of trust. And Jay Shetty says that it takes about two out 200 hours of face to face time to truly develop a good friendship with someone. OK, so with that in mind, there's two types. There's three types of men out there actively dating. I call them the users, the spenders and the growers, the users that spend. Users, you probably are not familiar with this part of my content. OK, here, I even have, I even have a, of course, a chart, I have a chart. I'll show everyone here. Users, spenders and growers, sorry for the lighting and the glare. Users, they seek short term gain, love bombers, players, gold diggers entitled selfish people only caring about their own needs. Spenders, they seek companionship, connection and sex, no direction. Uncertain, fearful, usually have a dysfunctional life. And the growers and builders, they seek long term commitment, their emotional grown ups and good with good relationship skills. And they have their act together. So a grower wants to progress the relationship forward. In other words, a person who wants partnership, he wants to grow with someone. He progresses the relationship for it. A spender, and what I mean by spender is they're spending time with you. Spenders, they just want companionship, connection and sex without any real commitment orientation. You've experienced spenders before. I have. Well, I was thinking of, to some degree, the last guy, he was a spender. He wasn't, he wasn't progressing the relationship forward. He wanted your companionship, your connection, but he wasn't progressing the relationship forward. Okay. Yeah. So a guy who genuinely cares about, who genuinely wants to make an investment when you, he's progressing the relationship forward. He's not saying, let's take it slow. He's not in the dating process saying, let's take it slow. He wants to forge a committed relationship with you. You know, commitment these days for most people dating is rather casual. They agree to monogamy and exclusivity. And what that means is no sex with others. We won't be on the dating apps, but that's about as far as the commitment goes. Like there's more to commitment than just those two things. Well, but even some are still in the dating apps. So you mean while they're in relationship with you? Well, is it a relationship? I mean, I know men that have been dating women and are still on the dating apps because there might be something else to swipe away. So some people use the word relationship, but it's very vague as to what it means. And a lot of times relationship these days are casual, they're not committed. OK, let's keep going here. Number four, he's vulnerable with you emotionally. He's vulnerable with you emotionally. Now, to me, the real juice of a relationship is connecting at an emotional level. OK, so he's vulnerable with you at an emotional level because, you know, the number one complaint, actually, the most common reason for divorce centers around sex and emotional intimacy, a lack of that, a lack of emotional connection. When a man genuinely loves you, he opens up to you emotionally. Does that feel true? Yes, I'm talking about our relationship. No, yes, that that feels true because, you know what, when Amanda doesn't open up to you emotionally, for me, it just made me feel. It's just it's I didn't feel right, I didn't feel safe. I didn't feel and, you know, like a lot of us that stay in relationships, you say you won't stay for the children, but you say because. Yeah, it it would really disrupt a lot of people's lives. Yeah, but now in midlife, now at this point. Yeah, it's a different game when you've raised your children, they're out of the house or. Yeah, you want something more than just somebody who pays the bills. You want someone to genuinely connect with you on an emotional level to play with you. It wants to spend time with you. You feel like I want to spend time with you? Oh, my God, I can't get rid of you. Well, thanks a lot for that. All right. Number five, he invites you into his life, family, friends, hobbies and interests. He invites you into his life. I think that's a great sign that someone genuinely cares about you. That's into you when they actually invite you into your life. But that's not always a guarantee in and of itself. But certainly men that do that. Are demonstrating an interest more so than someone that's like, hey, I'll see you at my back and call. Yeah, if you're getting invited to a barbecue at a friend's house, that that is really what you get to meet as friends. That's important. Those things are important because you want to know the people that he hangs out with, you know, you know, you want to get to know family, maybe not meet the parents right away, but at least, you know, feel like you're being included. Well, like for most of us in midlife, most of us have parents who are gone. So in our particular case, one of the things we did was I think I met your daughter first and then you met actually, you met my son first. I then met your daughter with my son. Right. OK, I remember we met with Anna. And then we know, but we were meeting my cousin. Oh, we're meeting your cousin that was in for Man's Amsterdam. So you invited me in your life. I'm inviting my son into our lives because one of the strong roots in a relationship is is melding your families together. Now, that can be really challenging for people who have difficult children, difficult siblings, difficult aunts. You know, we've talked about the difficult people on either one of our side. And yet, ultimately, it's our family connection that helps create a strong root to our the foundation of a relationship. And when someone loves you, they want to have that in your life. It does help that he has a great son. Oh, thank you. We see him regularly. All right, number six. He asks for your help in his professional life, and he does the same for you. Here I am. Here's Marie helping me out my professional life. I think when, but we were talking about a previous relationship you had where, you know, he was throwing a dinner party and he asked you to really get the place fixed up for him. I mean, he's asking you to really be a participant in his professional life. And so when a man and he's also doing the same for you, whatever, and it's not just your professional life, it's also other areas of your life, like whether it was helping with health insurance or putting up the TV. They're an active participant in helping you with their life, but you're also an active participant and helping in their life. And particularly if it's professional, that's a great sign. He has a great deal of respect for you. Like I didn't do this cavalierly asking you to be on this on the channel. I did it because I know you'd bring value to everybody. And how many times did I say no? You said no for about five months straight before you said yes. So and for those of you wondering, no, I will not have my own channel. And everyone's asking for you to have a channel where you do makeup tips and such. OK, number seven. Now we're going to wrap up and take questions in a moment. He says, I love you. Now, I'm going to put a caveat with that because I have a little phrase I say with what I love you means, because when a man genuinely is undeniable, signs he's in love with you, not only does he say I love you, but what I love you represents. So so you can see what my notes are. It says here, I'm here. You matter. We are important. I've got your back. I'm not going anywhere and I only want you. And what that means is I'm here means when he loves you, he's present to the relationship. You feel like I'm present to our relationship? Absolutely. Do you feel like you're present? I know you are, but even when the wires are going off in your head, you're present. OK, I'm here. You matter when a man genuinely loves you. He's saying you matter to him. You're you're a part of his life. Your interests, your best interests are my best interests. Number three, we are important. Let's do the little heart sign. We are important. What that means is it works. Is that I don't do it that well. There we go. OK. We are important. What that means is a relationship is a separate entity. There's a you, there's a me, but there's a we. And treating the we sacred, honoring the we, honoring the commitment and the relationship. Number four, I've got your back. It's actually one of the I was thinking about the movie Blindside and there's a scene where he says I've got your back. I think that was the movie. I love that idea that saying I'm got your back. Your best interests are my best interests. I'm there for you when you need me. I mean, does that feel true with us? With us, it feels true. OK. Have you felt that before in in? I had a long marriage that it was good in many ways. But, you know, I was young when I married, so I didn't know what was expected of me as a wife or what to expect it from him as a husband. But he he didn't know either. And no, I felt that that it was him first. And then the kids, even though he said I loved you, you didn't feel like he had your back. No. OK. No. All right. Next, I'm here. You matter where important I've got your back and I only want you. What that means is I only want to have sex with you. I don't want to be out thinking about others. I'm not, you know, I don't mean an art. Well, I do mean in our relationship. But I want you meant means I passionately want you in my life. Does that feel true? It feels OK. So when a man says I love you, that's how it should feel. I'm here. You matter. We're important. I've got your back. Oh, I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going anywhere and I only want you. I'm not going anywhere means I'm fully committed to this relationship. And that's how the words I love you should feel. So when you hear the words from me, is it is that what it feels like? Yeah, for us, absolutely. OK, you know, it's funny because the way I my mind works is as you're talking. Yeah, my wires start, you know, going into the file cabinet to my life. And it's like, oh, yeah, and this situation, that wasn't it. Didn't work that way. By the way, we talked frequently about the wires in her brain, which are all scattered, right? No disrespect to you. But it happens to be one of the fun things we have in our relationship. We talk about her wires and believe me, I've got plenty of foibles that I have in our relationship. I have my I don't want to say flaws, but foibles. So we both accept each other in that capacity, which I think I'm truly grateful that we have a relationship. We built the foundation. It's built on commitment and love is demonstrated in the ways I just shared with you all. So those are you going to say we laugh a lot? I should put that in the category as well. We laugh a lot. Our little kids come out frequently. I think this would be a great place to wrap up today. We talked about the seven undeniable signs of man is truly in love with you. I hope you found value in that. Hope you found value in our Q&A with both Marie and I. I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate you. If you have something, if you like this video, please hit the like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to the channel and share this with your friends as well. I want to thank you, sweetheart, for being part of my team and helping out. I think everybody appreciates you, so I want to thank you for that. Thank you. And I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do. First, giving you a big gigantic Jonathan Bear hug. And give me back. Oh, thank you, everyone. Thank you so much. Wishing you a fabulous evening. Bye now. Bye now.