 So before I get into what a man needs to be able to chase you in a relationship, what a man really needs to have before he can chase you in a relationship, I wanna read something that I prepared for you and I'd like to dive into this for a moment. So give me a second to read this out loud for everyone. Most dating advice is based on early attraction methods without any regard or commitment. I'm gonna repeat that. Most dating advice is based on early attraction methods without any regard to commitment. There's a big difference between chasing sex via game playing and romance versus seeking a life partner. Relationships have far more moving parts. Monogamy, commitment, trust and loyalty. Let me read that one more time. Relationships have far more moving parts. Monogamy, commitment, trust and loyalty. This is provided that you want a monogamous relationship. So why am I bringing this up? Because all too often I see so much dating rhetoric out there, not advice for men and advice for women in particular centered around the following. When I say advice, there's talk shows and YouTube videos out there. For women it's all basically telling women that their real value in relationship is based on their sexual market value. Meaning what value they bring to the table to a man from a sexual perspective and the lower a woman's market value, her sexual market value, the less opportunity she's gonna get any man. And the real narrative is telling women that they are basically wrong for wanting what they want because they're overselling themselves. Now there might be some truth to that. I'm not here to judge that. What I'm also seeing is a lot of advice for men based on attraction, the Andrew Tates of the world if you will that are in my opinion, quite misogynistic and quite demeaning to women because it's all based on early attraction methods. Now for the men, he's selling the idea be your best self, make lots of money but treat women as second class citizens because that's what they're are. That's kind of what he's selling. In fact, recently my girlfriend and I have been watching the show on Apple TV call for all mankind. And it starts with the mid 60s astronaut program in NASA. And why I'm bringing this up is it's kind of interesting and whether this is true or not, a lot of the astronauts were players. In other words, excuse me, they were married men cheating on their wives habitually and the wives had to accept it as part of their role of being an astronaut's wife. And quite frankly, I think back in the 60s a lot of women experienced this because they didn't have very many options to take care of themselves and they were in these prestigious relationships. Well, times have certainly changed where a woman isn't necessarily dependent upon a man for her survival and she has every right to be picky on the men she chooses. By the way, if we think about this for a moment it used to be back in the 50s a woman was picky on who she'd choose to have sex with because back then before birth control a woman basically there was a consequence with having sex with someone you weren't married to and this is one of the reasons why back then for the most part, not always the case if two people wanted to have sex together they got married. There was an ultimate commitment. Well, now because of birth control men don't have to make that ultimate commitment. And yet I believe women's standards should be just as high as to who they choose to invest their heart in not their body anymore, their heart in. And why I'm bringing this up is choosing people who are more emotionally mature more emotionally attuned because ultimately as I said before, you have a choice. You wanna focus on early attraction or do you wanna seek a life partner where there's monogamy, commitment, trust and loyalty? And I want you to think about this it takes about a hundred hours of face to face time just to build the first stage of trust, the first stage and let's just assume there's 10 stages to trust. I don't know what there are but I'm just saying it takes at least a hundred hours of face to face time to build that first stage of trust. Isn't it fascinating how humans will enter into relationship all based on physical attraction and men oftentimes chase a woman based on lust or limerence. And if you're not familiar with limerence I highly recommend you type in Google limerence L-I-M-E-R-C, wait a limerence L-I-M-E-R-C-E-N-C Oh, I'm butchering it, but you get it, limerence because that early stage of chasing doesn't necessarily mean that he's capable or desires a deep commitment. And if you really want a man to actually invest let's replace the word chase with invest in the relationship then every man needs to experience this. Now let me just share something with you all there's a picture of my beloved and I I say beloved because she's my partner we're partners now, we live together. Now for some people I've had emails from people saying oh my God, Jonathan you live together, you're living out of wedlock and all that kind of stuff you're a bad human being. Folks, I would marry this girl, I want to marry her I'm waiting for her to wanna marry me and we just haven't reached that point yet but I certainly know this is someone I definitely wanna go the distance with. And yet I didn't know this in the beginning of our dating. Now a lot of men will tell you they knew she was the one on a first date but I want you to think back to when men used to say that they used to say that before these devices, okay before we had ample access to opportunities. And I think what's bastardized the dating mating or relating process is internet or swipe dating in particular the belief that if something doesn't work out with this person there's always another person around the corner. So understand that we are in different times than in the past when a man knew she was the one because certainly before there was internet dating we used to date based on proximity we dated the person that we physically saw and within a short period of time by the way that short period of time sometimes was just weeks before people got married. Nowadays, the average person has had multiple relationships and because of those multiple relationships many people, myself included can be gun shy. That's right, gun shy. And what oftentimes happens for men when they pull away is this sense of gun shy because many of us myself included have been hurt before. I know many of my friends who have gone through divorce have told me how horrific the experience was and that makes them a little bit less likely to fully commit to a relationship or fully commit to someone until they actually know this person is safe to be with. I know even with my beloved even though I was strongly interested in her I had that push-pull experience meaning I pushed forward and then pulled back and I pushed forward and pulled back because it takes time. As I said, it takes 100 hours to just face-to-face time to build that layer of trust. So you wanna know what it's gonna take first off. So I'm here to say almost every man on some level pulls away, even myself included even though from the moment we met I have not literally, I have not dated anyone I haven't pursued anyone since the moment we met, okay? So I've been, we've been fully engaged with each other. And yet I did pull back a little bit. There was fear that happened, it's natural but that didn't cause me to ghost or disappear that pulling back is merely a reevaluation based on the past hurts. Does it feel like I'm gonna go down this rabbit hole of hurt again? And so we naturally come to a place of center just to feel safe for a moment which is very common for a lot of men. Now, for men who have done the personal development self-help and spiritual work. And I'm here to say, I'm here to say that it's critically important these days that humans come to the dating, mating and relating process having done some healing from their past relationships. That's right, some healing from their past relationships because if there isn't any healing oftentimes that if there's a traumatic experience they carry that forward and a lot of times two people connect together in their trauma bonds finding that they're attached to another human being in an emotionally unhealthy way. This is why folks, I teach in my private coaching. Here's a link to schedule a discovery call with me. What I teach in my private coaching is first out are we determine really compatibility understanding compatibility and understanding who's compatible with you. Secondly, how to ask the right questions based on your personality to see if he's compatible with you. And lastly to vet for his emotional maturity. If you're not familiar with my emotional maturity relationship skills, many of you are a little bit of a glare there. I want you to say this is merely an opinion, not a fact. I believe roughly 20% of the population has clinical issues. And while I say 20% have good relationship skills, the vast majority of human beings are dysfunctional. So it's incumbent upon you before you invest your heart in someone like the past before a woman had sex with someone without birth control you actually vet this person. And again, if you need help, there's a link below to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. Because the bottom line is this, most people we meet are rather got terrible relationship skills. And by the way, this chart isn't about men. This is women as well. Ladies, just because you have a propensity to express your feelings more so than men doesn't mean you're good at relationship skills either. Just because many of you get attached to somebody in an unhealthy way doesn't mean you're good at this stuff either. So let's recognize that this isn't a singular male issue. This is a human being issue. So what's it gonna take? What's it gonna take for a relationship to get over the edge, to get over the hump, to really lean into something more substantial? Well, I wanna share something with you. That I wrote. As I was saying early on, I went through a push pull, meaning I was pushing and pulling away. Just very briefly, because with so many previous experiences in my life and also the perceived choice, it was a little bit harder to know if someone was a fit for me. Meaning we had to build this level of trust. We had to build this following piece. And that is, and every man needs this to be able to lean into a healthy, happy relationship. We need these two things. We need to become friends with you. That's right, friends with you. I wanna, and there's a second piece I wanna share as well. There's a meme I posted on my Instagram today. I'd like to share it with everyone. It's a cute little meme. It's gonna be hard to see it. So I just wanna put it up in the camera just so you can see what it looks like. But the first says, I love, I love, wait a minute, I love laughing with you. It's a boy and a girl looking, I'm gonna say it's a boy and a girl looking together, looking at each other. The next is I love walking with you. The next picture of the two of them together, I love working with you. The next is I love talking with you. And then the girl says, but I also love just existing with you. With me being me and you being you. Folks, what I see missing today in so many relationships is this piece of developing the genuine friendship between two people. It's relations, so again, a lot of dating rhetoric is so hyper focused on attraction and so hyper focused on game playing like the book, the rules and so hyper focused on romance. And yet without any regard to really the most important aspect of a relationship is building the deep friendship, the deep roots of trust. And if you follow my narrative, you know trust is built through spending three or four days and nights a week together, doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork building skills both in your personal and professional life. Intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy with an agreement of moving towards either living together or getting married. Folks, many of you are choosing casual relationships. Many of you are choosing unbeknownst to you friends with benefits relationships. Many of you that are in long distance relationships are merely in cyber relationships. Many of you are experiencing mediocre relationships wondering when is magic theory just gonna change all of this? But Jonathan, I'm being told that if I sit in my feminine energy a man will naturally claim me. Let me tell you something. Being claimed, let me think about that narrative. I've heard this from other feminine energy coaches being claimed by a guy. Property is something we claim. A relationship is about choosing mutual partnership with one another mutual partnership with one another. And that starts by building that friendship together along with this second piece that is critically important for a man to genuinely want to invest in you. And that is he has to wanna take care of you. Folks, I remember earlier I said monogamy, commitment, trust and loyalty. What does that mean? Loyalty, that means I've got your back. I'll be there for you when you need me. To some degree, I wanna take care of you. Do you know many of you are swimming in mediocre relationships where there's literally no feeling of this person has my back? That don't mean take care of you financially but certainly take care of you emotionally. What's the whole narrative of provider protector used to be protect you against the lions with my spear? Well, we don't have to deal with that. By the way, most guys wouldn't know how to fight their way out of a paper bag, myself included. But providing for isn't necessarily about money. It's about the emotional protection that comes from building deep emotional intimacy between two people and deep emotional intimacy comes by building that kind of friendship with one another or you know, it's interesting. You know, my girlfriend said to me yesterday, we're doing the binge watching of that show I was talking about. She said to me, I just like being with you. I just like being with you. She said, I like you. We say I love you to each other all the time but like, like is a really powerful word to say I like someone. Oftentimes we use the feeling that I care for someone but when you like someone you treat them with a different level of respect. And yet sadly, many people are experiencing companionship, connection and sex without any real genuine development towards partnership. And this is why I scream at the top of my lungs and sometimes I curse to make a fucking point is to shake human beings up to a narrative of stop following the rhetoric based on the initial attraction phase and be more focused on the compatibility component. Shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity because if you're walking in the dark or you're walking with dark glasses on in a dark room, you're gonna trip and fall. And if you're watching this video, there's no excuse because I recommend book after book after book on my channel. By the way, there's a book, a look in the description below to read all the books or check out all the books I recommend. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. So what's gonna make a guy chase you folks? It's going to be the development of the friendship and how do you develop friendship? Social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills both in your personal and professional life, intimacy and physical and emotional intimacy as well. That's how the bonding of two people can occur where a man will invest you. You don't have to worry about him chasing you. He'll invest you because men need this just like you need it. We need to develop the friendship and we need to get to that space of wanting to take care of you. And until that happens and many of you are experiencing this you just might be in a casual relationship right now. And I invite you to set a higher standard for yourself. But Jonathan, I'm supposed to let a man lead. Folks, most guys are winging it. They don't know what they're doing. You're in charge of your relationship, Destiny. And you're the emotional leader of the relationship by setting the standard from the get-go and making sure you've established good boundaries for yourself. And that's my two cents and I'm sticking to it. All right, I think you get the gist of where I'm going tonight. I think this will be a great place to start our Q&A for tonight. All right, if you're familiar with my format if you have a question for me, write the word question then post the question there after or you can purchase the super sticker super chat. There's a little chat dollar sign in the chat box. All the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's a picture of him right there. It's one of my favorite salty pictures. In his honor, he's my son who passed away a few years ago and in his honor, I've started a scholarship fund to donate to the Hoffman Process and Insight Institute just to name a few places. So, and by the way, I have an apology to make really quickly. Every once in a while, I do get on someone's case who says they write a question and then there's no question listed there. Again, write the word question so I know that there's a question coming. Write an actual question, then you can share the backstory, okay? Or purchase the super sticker super chat. And if you're watching the replay, a super thanks would be appreciated as well. Hey, Jennifer Bigelow, you're in the house. I wanna say thank you for watching. Hey, sweetheart, how you doing? All right, for those who have a question, write the word question and post the question thereafter. All right, here's Lisk as a question. Do men ever pull away because they're unsure of how the woman is feeling? Oh my God, that's a great question. And the answer is yes, yes, yes. I think part of the reason why I might have even pulled away a little bit was my fear but also a little uncertainty. I don't know if I knew, I sometimes wonder if I still know how she feels. And that's just a tongue-in-cheek joke between us. No, I think it's very common a man doesn't, many men don't wanna over-invest. Now, players and the guys who have game, they never over-invest, they under-invest because they want you chasing them. They treat you with, they use neuro-linguistic programming techniques, one of them is called negging as a way to undermine your confidence, gas lining, a lot of narcissistic type of abuse that happens to make them put them in a power position. So, but coming back to your original question, yes, men, this is really tricky because when you, listen, I didn't say this earlier, but given the fact that we're meeting total strangers most often, there is very little familiarity and safety so it takes time to build that familiarity, that safety, that trust. And it's kind of a push-pull. I think it's really important that two people like each other at the end of the day, say, I'd like to get to know you better, be crystal clear. Now, sometimes people say that and they never call you because the other thing that happens is we don't wanna hurt people's feelings and can you see how messed up that is? That's why I say we're in a dysfunctional world. But yes, Liz, that's exactly what happened. So thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. Rosemary says, what do you think of matchmaking services? You know, one of my dear friends is a matchmaker and I have a great deal of respect for her, but matchmaking is rather, it's a big investment with the, I'd say traditionally the results are a low percentage most often. Okay, but then again, you know, they do find they have certainly have plenty of success stories. I've been watching my girlfriend, I've been watching Indian matchmaker. We find that Netflix series very fascinating. So I do believe that they do have some success rate, but for the investment, you gotta be able to, it's like gambling. If you spent it and you'd lost, and if you didn't get what you wanted out of it, you have to be okay with it. If you're attached to the outcome, I would put it on a clause that says, if you don't find me a match, I get half my money back. That might be something I'd ask for. Anyway, that's my two cents on that Rosemary. Thank you so much for that question. All right, Franz says, Jonathan, your partner is one lucky lady. You're an amazing man imparting such wind helping us. Thank you, Fonzie, London, UK. Thank you so much. That's very sweet of you to say. I'm actually the lucky one. I really am. I am blessed to have met a person who are temperaments, are personalities, are, I can't believe how often we're watching something on TV and we literally are thinking the same thing at the same time. We believe that forks should be down in the dishwasher. We believe the toilet paper should be over, not under. And I'm just joking with a few things, but what's most important, I feel like we shed a lot of our shit before we met each other so we could actually lean into this relationship with a much, from a much healthier place because we're not hung up in a lot of our past shit. And so I'm very, I'm the lucky one. So thank you, Fonzie. I appreciate that. All right, let's go swim in. Let's see. Okay, I've already asked the matchmaker. Thanks for the question. Jane says, thanks for the question list. Great. Rosie asks, question. How do you bring up the topic of moving in together or getting married? I'd be happy with either one. I think, by the way, it starts on the very first date. If two people are interested in each other, I would be very upfront as I'm looking for the kind of relationship that within a relatively short period of time, we choose to either move in together or get married, short peering a time being less than two years, okay, or less than a year. I think when you're in midlife, I'm gonna tell you most midlife folks I know have moved in together within one year of knowing each other with my sweetheart and I was at the five month mark that we moved in together. I think at midlife, for those of us that are in our 50s, 60s or 70s, absolutely, we don't have time to fuck around, we don't have time to waste. I think, by the way, the truth is you really don't get to know someone until you live with them anyway, that's when you get, by the way, think of people that have been relationships for three years, four years, five years that don't live together. How well do they really know their partner? I've talked to women who are in three-year relationships, they eventually got married and within six months they went through a divorce. Why? Because they really didn't know the, you really, listen, bottom line is this folks, we really don't get to know someone until we live with them. That's why traveling together multiple times is critically important. By the time my girlfriend and I will have known each other six months, we would have traveled together four times. Actually, no, excuse me, by the time we've known each other nine months, we will have traveled four times. I think you learn a lot just even traveling with someone. So anyway, coming back to your question, how do you bring up the topic right from the very beginning? That is something you desire. And then talk about why that's important to you. And hear what the guy has to say. By the way, 90% of guys are gonna be turned off by it. But ladies, if you know my rhetoric, before the penis goes inside the vagina, you should be reading the book, the first chapter of this book called Eight Dates by Drs. John and Julie Gottman. And I was just, and here's some practice, some reasons why it's important to talk about commitment. The importance of building trust, I should say. The first chapter is about commitment and trust. Because ways that trust is broken, not showing up on time, not making their partner feel like a priority, not being there when their partner is hurting or sick, not contributing to their wellbeing or their family, not keeping promises, keeping secrets, lying, humiliating or putting down your partner in public. And what they should be focused on is, do you cherish me? How important am I to you? Do I come first in your life? Will you take me for granted? Folks, before you begin a sexual relationship with someone, read chapter one on trust and commitment before you allow that guy to really potentially, emotionally get you attached to him. And by the way, 90% of guys won't do this. 90% of guys won't do this. But Jonathan, that's too much. I'm demanding too much. I said before you have sex with them, if you've reached a point of having sex with someone, you have every right to have deeper conversations. This narrative of the third date rule where guys are gone if they haven't had sex with you by the third date, well, fuck those assholes. They're not serious. A man who's genuinely serious about you will want to, excuse me, a man who's genuinely serious about commitment and generally capable of commitment doesn't have a problem of going deeper even if you two don't know each other well. But if he's not capable of commitment or he doesn't desire commitment, then what you might have is a guy that wants companionship, connection and sex, but he's not able to go the distance. And do you want to spend three months, six months, a year, or even three weeks with someone who's in it for the short run? No, you don't, or I'm gonna assume you don't. And if you're those ones that do, then follow other channels because I'm not your coach. All right, I just got off on the tangent there. Thank you, Rosie, for that question. All right, question. What do you think has been the biggest issue with dating nowadays? There's too many to list. So number one, I think we have to start with the recognition that we're meeting total strangers and we know nothing about their backstory, unlike the past when our family vetted them or our friends knew them or you know, I always say, I wished I was your big brother there on a first date with the shotgun pointed at the guy's face saying, what's your intentions with my sister? Because there was a level of tribe accountability. So that's number one. Number two, the perceived choices that we have. See, it used to be perceived choice via this. Oh, I got a text message. See, we have this perceived choice because the internet used to be, we basically only had a few people to choose from. When we lived in an environment of, when I say scarcity, there was limited choices. We actually had to work harder within the choices we had because if it didn't work, we may have no more choices. Now we have all these perceived choices that the minute it doesn't work out just because someone said, you know, Republican, the other person said, Democrat, at least here in the United States, they were on to the next person. There's no tolerance anymore for just being human. And the third biggest issue I see, those are just a couple of three off the top of my head is the dysfunctionality of human beings. We are riddled with flaws and a lack of emotional maturity and relationship skills. Those are the three things I see pretty. So thank you so much for that question. I hope that helped. Let me know if it did. Rosie writes, why do men say they will always be there for you when things are, wait, why do men say that they, that, wait, why do men say that I will always be there for you than when things happen, you need and you need them and they disappear? Well, why does that happen? A lot of different reasons why. One might be they're just not that into you. In the moment they were into you, that later they realized they weren't. That's one reason. Another was why they lean in so much quickly. Hey, we're driven by our penises. Look, I mean, the desire to have sex, make a guy say almost anything, myself included. I've said lots of things that came out of my mouth. I'm like, what the fuck was I saying, thinking? Fear, the fear of promising something, promising something, like in other words, living up to a promise, there's a fear of that. I think also the vast majority of human beings have dysfunctional lives. The ground underneath them doesn't feel solid. So if a man's life or woman's life is dysfunctional, they might say anything in the beginning, but they don't have a capacity to actually be there for someone. Those are a couple of the reasons why. Thank you, Rose, for that question. I really appreciate it. Ah, let's see. Jennifer writes, question, met a nice guy. We've been texting, talking on the phone, but he has had health issue and haven't made plans to meet because he feels off. Should I stop being in touch with him past this point? Folks, I have a simple rule. It's called three, two, one, three. No more than three email or text exchanges should lead to no more than one or two phone calls should happen, should lead to one date all within a three week period of time. If in three weeks you don't have a face-to-face, by the way, I'm not a big fan of dating multiple people at the same time, but I'm a big fan of prospecting a lot of people at the same time, okay? Prospecting might be what you're doing right now. By the way, he's just a prospect. He's not even a real lead. He's just, well, he's a lead, by the way, and sales are something called leads and prospects. He's a lead. That's all he is. That's all he is. If you haven't seen each other within three weeks, I'd be working on a lot more leads. That's my suggestion for you, Jennifer. I hope that helped. Question, if I just said, if he just said to me that he thinks we don't want, wait, if he thinks he doesn't want anymore what he wanted before there is anything, what can I do? I need to say we had a very good communication up until tonight. If he just said to me that he doesn't think he, I'm gonna use the word doesn't want anymore what he wanted. So I think what you're saying, this is what I think you're saying. He originally probably said that he wanted a relationship and now he says he doesn't want a relationship. Very common thing men do. Because ladies, you guys don't define the word relationship. Let me give you an example of a relationship. I say this over and over and over again. The best relationships in my opinion are ones where you spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills both in your personal and your professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy. That's a relationship. That might be your standard of a relationship or it might be twice a week. Might be once a week, whatever it is. Your standard's this. And his standard is the word relationship means I'm just gonna see you when I wanna see you. That might be his word for a relationship. If you don't find out what relationship actually looks like, what does it look like, folks? I beat this drum over and over and over and over and over again. The same thing. Why? Because I'm trying to get it through a lot of thick skulls. You better figure out what a relationship looks like, not the first date, not the second date, but once you're having regular sex together, you should know what that looks like and what it's gonna look like three months from now, six months now, nine months from now and year. When I mean what it looks like is what do you want to be experiencing might be a better way of putting it. What do you wanna be experiencing? And I know many of you, but Jonathan, I'm too busy. Well, yeah. People that are really busy have partial relationships. They have casual relationships. They have situationships. They have friends with benefits. People that have partnership kind of relationships are making agreements to be in partnership with one another by doing partnership activities with one another. All right, that's my two cents on that one. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. Hope I answered your question, Alexandra. All right, let's go swim in, let's go swim in. T. Davis says, excellent discussion. Love this as it is straight to the point. Thank you so much. I appreciate that. Rosie says, you're absolutely right. Pretty says, yes. Jennifer says, hey, sweetheart, 100% agree, travel is key shows you a lot, exactly. Linney writes, question, when he pulls away, how do I know when to fight for it or let him go? Great question. I don't believe in fighting for a relationship. If someone pulls away, I'd simply want to have a conversation with them, finding out what's going on with them emotionally. Okay, finding out what's going on for them emotionally. If they don't want to share, then if they're not willing to share what's going on for them emotionally, and by the way, sometimes it's hard. Listen, folks, feelings aren't facts. Feelings aren't facts. So sometimes it's hard to know what you might be feeling. By the way, I want to, what I mean to say is sometimes feelings can be very confusing. So I wouldn't necessarily, I would want to find out what he might be feeling, recognizing that what he might say could be difficult because what he might be feeling, what he might say might not be exactly what he's feeling because he doesn't know exactly what he's feeling. Okay, but I'd make a request to have a conversation to find out what's going on, what might be causing the pullback. And if he's unwilling to have the conversation, then you don't invest more time. And if someone, listen, I think if someone takes more than 72 hours, listen, if you've had a relationship where you've communicated every single day, sometimes two or three times a day, and then out of the blue, they go cold turkey for more than 72 hours without a legitimate reason. And folks, I lost a child. And I, okay. I had a date the day my son passed away. I still had the courtesy to reach out to the person that I had a date with and say, I have to cancel family emergency. I'll let you know why later. Okay. And I lost a child. If someone doesn't have the respect and courtesy, listen, one day, two days. Okay. But by the third day, if they haven't reached out and this is someone, let me just make an assumption. You talk regularly and you're having regular sex. Let's not talk about someone you met. It's Friday. You had your first date Thursday and your next date. And then he never talks to you again. That's not pulling away. That's just called dating. Okay. I'm talking about those that are in a relationship with one another. They've made a commitment to explore a relationship. If they take more than 72 hours, that's fucking bullshit unless they have a real legitimate reason, like they were in a fucking car accident or someone passed away. Okay. That's my two cents on that, Lenny. Hope that helped. Let me know if that does help. This is why Jonathan's advice is so important. Thank you so much. All right. Let's keep going. Trisha says, or Tanisha says, question in the process of reconciliation, how can I help with his fears of trying again, trying again? I think when two people are reconciling, if, if, by the way, there's a good book. By the way, my dearest friend, Dr. Sherry Myers wrote a book called chatting or cheating. What I love about this, it's called how to detect infidelity, rebuild love and a fair proof of your relationship. Why I like her book is it gives some great tools for reconciling. How to reconcile in relationship. So hold on a second. Bear with me, everybody. Cause I know there's a chapter on reconciliation. Oh, and of course I can't find it. Okay. Check out this book. It gives a lot of cool examples of how to reconcile relationships. Also the work of the, the work of Gottman's work. Again, coming back to the book, eight dates. There's a lot of on their website. Go to the Gottman Institute website. There's a lot of great videos and content on how to reconcile. That's not my necessarily my area of expertise. My area of expertise, ladies, is helping you make better choices before that penis ever gets to go inside the vagina. Or if you're in a relationship, how to determine if he's worth investing in. So again, schedule a discovery call with me right here, right there, right there. Jonathanasley.com forward slash coaching. See if coaching works is right for you. Thank you for your question, Tanisha. I really appreciate it. All right. What is the best dating site for people in their sixties? Met my sweetheart on match.com. Match.com and millionaire match. Bumble and hinge. So those are the four that I happen to like. Match.com, millionaire match, Bumble and hinge. Those are the four that I like. All right. Rose says, thank you. Appreciate that. Jennifer says, thank you for answering my question. I'm working on many more leads for sure. This guy found me on Instagram and is now following me. LOL. Yeah, we'll see. If he's legit, he'll want to get a listen. If two people are legitimate with each other, then they'll find a way to go out with each other. All right. Hillary writes question. What is it with a man who insists that getting to know one another is better done organically and by observing me and thinks asking questions is forced. So he won't do it. What the fuck? You know, when I was in sales, I used to do corporate insurance sales. And before I invested my time, my energy into a prospective client, I asked a lot of questions to see if I was a fit for him or them, excuse me. And if I was a fit for them and they were a fit for me. Some, what does it mean to date organically? Well, by the way, you could say, dude, we can date organically all you want. Your penis doesn't get to go inside my vagina until I feel safe with you. You can tell him that. See how long he'll date you organically. Okay. But when a guy does that because it's not forcing questions, what's the word curious to be curious? I'm curious about you. I'm curious about you. So I'd like to know about you. And the only way I'm going to get to know you is ask you questions. What happened in your childhood? What happened in your marriage? What made you choose the profession you chose? By being curious, if that feels like an interrogation, then you're probably not a serious guy or girl. And you want to organic, you can do organic all you want. You just don't get to have sex with me is what you tell them. Anyway, that's my two cents on that one, Hillary. Thank you so much. Alexander says, thank you. You're very welcome. Didi writes question. Why do men stare? I see a guy regular at the coffee shop. We used to talk, but now he just stands off to the side and stares at me without saying anything. Why is he doing this? I don't know why I'm reminded of a time. I remember it was St. Patrick's Day. I was at a bar and I'm sitting there with two friends at a high top table and I see four ladies, another high top table. I'm checking her out. I noticed one woman looking at me. I'm looking at her. She's looking at me. I'm looking at her. She's looking at me. I'm looking at her. This goes on for an hour and a half. And I finally got the nerve to come up and talk to her. My first question, and I was 45 at the 42 at the time, 45 at the time, my first question is how old are you? We're not my first question, but one of my questions says I'm 26. I thought she was 36. Not because she looked old, but women these days, 50-year-old women like they're 35 and 35 you look like they're 25. So these days I have no clue. Even my girlfriend, everybody thinks she's 20 years younger than me and she's actually a year older than me. So I didn't know. Okay. I said, well, we're probably not a fit because you want to have children. She said yes. And I said, I'm done having children. Anyway, my point is, why do we stare? Is there something we like in a person? At the same time, we might be experiencing fear. You don't know what's going on in this person's life. Fear might be one thing. Maybe he's married. There might be a hundred reasons why. Question I have is, why do you care? Why does it matter? Is there something that is attractive about him staring at you? Or is it something that turns you off? But if it's something that turns you off, then I would avoid going to the coffee shop at that particular time and find a different time to go there. But ultimately it doesn't matter why. What matters most is, what are you going to do about your life to be empowered to attract the type of person you want? That's what my channel is all about is individuals being in empowered space. This is why I love recommending the book, why men love bitches and bitch stands for babe in total control of herself, ES, and why I recommend this book. Not everything in this book is it's an empowerment book. This is why I wrote my book. Finally I made a plug for it this far into the video. What the heck a self-love anyway, a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. Why do I recommend all these books? Because folks, individual empowerment is the message. Why men do things is irrelevant. What matters most is, what are you going to do with your life because you are in charge of your relationship, destiny, not the man. Anyway, that's my two cents anyway. Thank you, Didi, for your question. I really appreciate it. Let's see. Sherry writes, question. Do you believe in instant attraction? I recently had a date with a nice guy and has been very consistent with his communication and wants to go out again. Should I give another date? Well, I believe we all have. Yes, attraction can be instant. Look at the minute I saw Kate Beckinsdale on the movie screen, I was instantly in love with her. Have you guys, have you experienced it with George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Ryan Gosling? I don't know. Actually, Grace Kelly is one of my all-time favorites along with Stephanie Powers, which I talked about in my last video, the TV show Heart to Heart, instantly attracted to them. Yes, attraction can be instant. Is love instant? Listen, no. Love is not instant. Listen, if you can meet someone on a first date and on their second time you meet them, they go through, they're going through cancer and spend two years on deathbed. Will that person be there for you? Because that's what real love is. Real love isn't all the good, juicy, delicious things in the relationship. Real love is, can I count on this person to be there for me? If I'm sick, I wish a lot of people would recognize that many of you are experiencing attachment, not real love. And instant chemistry, instant lust or limerence is merely chemicals being released in the body saying, I like this person without any foundation to be deserving of that like. Kind of leads me to the beginning of this broadcast. What do men need to chase you or invest in you? They need to be friends with you and they want to have to take care of you. And until that happens and if it hasn't happened, these relationships aren't going to go anywhere. And what I mean by take care of, what I mean financially, I mean emotionally and also to be there for you if you're sick. So lust or limerence, absolutely instantaneous real love. Love is built through the deep roots of trust and how do you build that? I'm going to end on this narrative. Social activities, hobbies, mutual interest, spending time with family and friends, traveling the other teamwork, building skills both in our personal and our professional lives, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together or being together. That's my two cents anyway. All right. Tashina says thank you. I appreciate that. All right, let's go on. Instant attraction for you is Sam Elliott and Jason Momoa. Yes, my girlfriend loves Jason Momoa. Who's the other guy that she likes? Oh, Sophia Regarra's husband. I'm competing with him. Oh, shoot. He's about half my age probably. Folks, is this resonating with you? Is it? Please let me know. Please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel if you're brand new. If you need some support and you can't check out the links in the description. A discovery call with me joining my group called Midlife Love Mastery. You can follow me on Instagram. You can get my book or any of the books I recommend. My even my dating vows is listed below. Because folks, I know I sometimes pontificate. Sometimes I come off as a know-it-all. Sometimes I'm screaming at the top of my lungs. And yet sometimes I curse. I fucking curse. Why? Because I feel like my role in life is to be a wake-up call for so many people to shift. To shift. Oh, Jennifer says, Jason Mamo is as hot as Sophia Ruggera's husband. Okay. I would say my girlfriend agrees. My role here is to help you make a shift into personal development, self-help, and spiritual work. To loving oneself. To being that babe in total control of herself so she can attract in an amazing relationship in her life. God, universe, spirit. I'm experienced. This is my invitation for all of you. God, universe, spirit. I am experiencing a juicy, delicious relationship where we have amazing chemistry with one another. And our communication is off the charts. And our combinator can go on for hours and hours at a time. And we have lifestyles that are compatible with one another. And we share the same values. And we want to build the deep roots of trust that can sustain the bumps. And sometimes the hurtful things that can happen in a relationship. Of course, even those things that we don't wish for to happen. This is what I'm experiencing now. God, universe, spirit. And for everyone I invite that in for you. Ah. Hey, $5 super sticker from Liz. Thank you so much. Ah. Kim says, swearing is a family trait. T. Davis says LOL effing cursing, fucking cursing. There's no bar says I'm in such a trauma bond. What is wrong with me? There's nothing wrong with you. But you're being invited to heal your trauma bond. Check out, check out the Hoffman process. Check out the Hoffman process to heal. Hey, Sherry, I want to thank you for the $4.99 super sticker. The Connor Asley scholarship fund is going to be so excited. By the way, how do you guys like this new plant instead of the phallic symbol you all complained about? Thank you so much. All right, I think this would be a great place to wrap up today. Folks, thank you for allowing me to share. If he pulls away, this will make him chase you. I hope you get a greater understanding that you are in charge of your relationship. Destiny and recognize that men. Men who are in relationship with people that they feel like that they like as their friend along with the passionate sexual piece and they want to take care of their relationship and they want to take care of you. Those are the relationships that tend to go the distance and not the surface relationship. A lot of the advice rhetoric is being told out there and I'm here to say, I know a lot of that advice is misogynistic and disrespectful for women. Here's what you can do. You be in charge of your relationship, Destiny. You be in charge of your empowerment. Do the personal development, self-help and spiritual work strong in your divinity and your sovereignty. And that's my invitation for everyone. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. All right. I think this will be a great place to wrap up this video. First off, I'm going to give myself a big, gigantic John Thamberg of self-love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm asking you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow. There's a teddy bear. Give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I want to thank Kim and T Davis and Linnie and Mary Ann and Pretty and Jennifer and Cece and Patricia and Liske and bartenders, Nobar and Sherry and Jules and Pamela. Everyone, thank you so much. I hope you have a fab evening. Take care. Bye now.