 I distinctly remember this conversation we had really towards the end where you said I think I want to end the friendship But I want to continue the business and I said to you you wanted the opposite I don't want to do business with you, but I want to be friends I know we literally were that's how much we were like not on the same page and that's where I also felt like Yeah, like that's we really lost our friendship. Hi there lovers and friends This is a very special video to me in short It's about two ex-best friends and ex-business partners who haven't talked at all for the past five years Not a tweet not a like sitting across from each other in two round green chairs and really talking for the first time in five Years when I had my partnership opportunity with Squarespace We were talking about how much it really is about rebuilding rebranding Rejuvenating and the videos that I created around my Squarespace partnership. I wanted to really reflect that same theme So when I was brainstorming ideas reaching out to Andrea seemed like the perfect fit because I think our Relationship was really in need of a read. So before we get into that conversation in depth I want to talk a bit more about Squarespace This video is sponsored by Squarespace whether you need a domain website or online store make it fast and make it look stunning with Squarespace So I met Shannon when I was Nine or ten around that age at this thing called girl guys, which is like the equivalent to Girl scouts in the US That's where we met but I don't I can't remember us like really knowing each other at that time but I remember like knowing seeing her and her sister and then we really got to know each other again in High school and when we first started out in high school There was like a group of 40 of us that we referred to as the bad gals Nonetheless like a few years later when people started to change schools life happened And then it was really just me and Andrea and that's when we formed those girls are wild We really were wild, but we made wild into our own thing like for us It was like a girl who was comfortable being herself She was career motivated But she was still young and she was still fun and she was still figuring herself out at the exact same time she didn't take herself too seriously and that was what the the like the the epitome of being a wild girl was and And I think that was what was fun about those girls are wild is that other people thought it was funny But I think in reality Shannon and I were just more focused on making each other laugh Those girls are wild in its heyday was just like a complete 360 reflection of everything I loved at the time including Andrea and my friendship with her which really was like the center and the heart of the blog Well, it was it was fun. I love those girls are wild. I still do. Okay. Why did we? What happened with the fallout? Okay, so when I I mean on my end mind you when I think about it I remember Having a few like Moments with between each other where I just was unhappy and I don't think either of us had ever like properly expressed Our discomfort or unhappiness. I think we just kind of like balled these things in and then Truly what made me be like oh Was our second pilot so we had done two pilots which to me when I look back on it is kind of like really showing a mix of things how Like different our career goals had gotten but also how much we were still like trying our best to mold them together But that was the thing I think our friendship Becomes so wrapped up in those girls are wild that it was hard for us to just express to each other as friends What that like to remove that pressure and so I remember after doing the second pilot or the third part of You know third filming I just felt so unhappy like really really really like oh, no, I did not enjoy any of that and Especially for me like growing up as an actress being an actress those like being on set is like my Comfort zone. That's like my genuine like oh, I feel my happiest in any on set scenario and I remember feeling really like oh Did not enjoy any of that my boyfriend at the time He was like what kind of was my like confirmation because he was like I didn't like that Like I did not like any of it and I was like me either and I don't want to do that ever again and in those days I really didn't know like how to Be like just speak about something it was very cut and dry It was like if that's something I don't like I'm never doing it again And that's just that like because we never had those discussions We just never we never had conflict and there's always a gift and a curse to that like I've even been in relationships Like that we like never argue and at some point like we never argue and then it's like but it's coming and When we do we'll probably never talk to each other ever again because it's just too big and at that time Yeah, I felt I think just genuinely lost as to what to do and I think in reality I probably needed more of like a break, but it just was a very like This is it Shannon. I don't want to do this ever again. I'm super unclear mostly about that time like I know I remember one definitive conversation that we had where I think for me the Frustration I guess was not finding a way for us to equally distribute the work and I remember They're just not being on my end Enough empathy for the relationship that you had that was a serious adult relationship but around that time I know we had started selling the hats and I felt like that was put all on me to do and And my perspective of it was that you just took it off right in react Like that's how it felt if I like Shannon was just like I would do all of this But you had moved to New York like as almost as soon as the hats came Yeah, I think that was also part of it too of like the mistake that I made that I didn't clock of I wanted a friendship That wasn't based on the business, but I based our friendship on the business So your relationship was inconvenient because I'm like we have these hats to ship. You're with this guy You're not helping me. We have this pilot. You're not helping me and I'm like but she's in a relationship with someone That's new who's lived in a different country altogether There's a different set of work and time that that's gonna take to foster and to grow and instead of like being happy for that I like channeled it through the business and how it wasn't functional for the business rather than being happy for my friend So I was like part of the problem that I didn't want in The first place, you know It's weird. I guess when I can look back at even my own relationship at the time is I used to look at him Like as if I used I used to look at you as like this person that I had who was like a lot of things for me And then like he replaced you like so that's why also Sadly it was also easier to be like I don't need to be friends with Shannon anymore because she's stressing me out And I can just move on here to this person because He literally became like all the things especially like tech tech wise and like all these little things He literally became this person. I actually in my mind used to literally think of it Which is so weird because it's like you weren't you were my friend Literally talking about this person like they became now my like safe blanket. And so Yeah, and I needed like I like needed him. I needed I think I needed almost the same thing in the sense of like I needed Change Very much like I didn't feel like a lot was working out for me And so when he came he became like this this like really good Saviour for me. And so I I literally like clung to the whole hope of it I used to truly believe like that I was like, okay, maybe God just wants me to put all my eggs in this basket I also think that kind of the byproduct of a slow breakup is The people who are on either side like my friends and my family closest to me who were around like when things started to get Really weird. They're only hearing the weird stories. Yeah, nobody here's and so they're starting to like feed into the negativity for you or you lose trust for that person and Everybody around you also is reinforcing. They're not trustworthy And so you stop looking at simple things as being face value You like look for some kind of hitting meeting and things where the person genuinely didn't mean anything like that And I think that's like one of the things when I spoke to you the first time like, you know Few months ago for after five years was like how much of things that I did with no Shit underneath it felt like there's a bunch of shit underneath it to you for sure And I think that's a really a place in a relationship again Where you brought up a great point of like needing to go to therapy because you have to like get back That space of knowing that like when this person offers you a drink It's not because they're like, let's just see if they're gonna make a face when they drink my drink Let there's another there's nothing behind it other than like, oh you look thirsty Yeah, yeah It was that intense and it was like we loved each other also that much like we just it was very intense It was not like a little easy-peasy like Good night kind of thing. So it yeah, it was the easily the biggest breakup that I've experienced and Truly that I have experienced I use it for all kinds of examples I Think the biggest lesson that I learned was you don't actually know why I think a lot of the times with you I wasn't asking genuine questions So if I felt like I was overwhelmed with work, I wasn't like what's going on with you in your world You know, how how are you managing and balance on your own end? I think I was just making a bunch of assumptions that just weren't based in reality and It really wasn't until we stopped being friends you started making channel videos in your own channel I started to learn more about what you were going through mentally at that time and even health-wise. I didn't know The health challenges that you were going through I think until very very later in the game And so that made me question. What kind of friend I was really Making myself available to be if I was best friends with somebody who didn't feel comfortable saying This is where I'm hurting and how I'm hurting and I Cuz I didn't know those things and I didn't ask in the right way. I was making assumptions on your character That just were completely not based on the truth so I would probably say the biggest lesson that I learned is if you love somebody then Love them enough to give them blank pages to give them space to be not what you expect and for you not to have All the answers even if you've known someone for because I've known you since I was 20 years I've probably known you in total so I've known you for so long So I think I just stopped giving you blank pages of like oh there's stuff about her I don't know there's things that she's going through that I have I actually am not connected to and It wasn't until years later when I started to look back It was like things started to make sense because I started to get to know you in a way that at the time I just didn't make myself available to but then also I'll say this because it's like I Openly talk about depression all the time, but I don't always express it to people and I'd like have had a very like very recent moment earlier in the year where it was like one of my friends was being directly affected by my depression and In the past she actually never had to see it like not for real so She was making a lot of assumptions and I just got really mad and I was like in reality You don't realize this but we've been friends for so long and it's like it's you don't get to see me when I don't want to Talk to people so you I communicate with you kind of always so you never get to see me on my darkest and my saddest And so this is why it's easy for you to make all these assumptions But I said it made me realize you don't know anything about mental health And you don't much to have much patience on it because it's quick to be like Something's wrong with you. You're not talking to me. It's easy for people. I find to I You're mad at me. I'm gonna be mad at you, right? Yeah, and you're like this is the strangest Silliest logic instead of just being like what's up like or I'm noticing am I crazy? You know what I mean like that those questions people rarely do that like I'm noticing something It's something up and if that person doesn't want to say something at the time cool But you can then say to them but as your friend I just want to point out that you've been a little strange Or you're being a little distant you're being a little weird Yeah, so it's like it's it's a two-way street like in one regard. It's like, yeah There's certain things as certain friends aren't noticing but then also it's like yeah for whatever reason you're not comfortable to speak about it It doesn't always directly mean that person is Not a comfortable person to speak with sometimes it is just you and you don't know how to voice these things But that's the thing. I think you and I were really legitimately getting to almost like the adult phase of our friendship Neither of us knew what to do with it Yeah, it was just overall a very very weird year and I was really alone and very Okay with being alone. It was like a big thing for for my boy my ex at the time. I'd like and I of like Socializing like going out and being friends with people and I did not want to do it at all like no parts of me I was like I'm fine. I'm fine in here like and he thought it was so weird And so it's like yeah, maybe that was my Like dealing with our breakup in general. It was like I almost didn't want to be close with anybody I was like, I'm cool. I can stay in this house. I have you. I'm perfectly fine, but I'm trying to think really What I would want you to know During this time during that time at least or even after Honestly still to this day. I had tremendous guilt like very very very very guilty because I really knew I felt like I genuinely knew you I also like really knew your personality type and that like You know, you just you didn't really make friends with people like that and not because it was like you were just so crazy You didn't want a friend, but it's like that was your choice Like I was your real friend like that was like this is my friend And so even all of our little outsider people were just like that like outsider people but in reality it was like we were like this unit and So I think in in breaking up with you I also knew the weight of that of like That like this will be hard on Shannon There's no doubt in my mind that this is gonna be hard on her so I used to have a lot of a lot of guilt and Yeah, overall which is also what was a part of even when I would see you and maybe not say anything was it was because I used to think about it for more like myself and like seeing In him and when he would say Hi, it would almost piss me off the casualness of it Huh, like, you know, this is not casual. This is can't be casual like I can't see you somewhere You're just like hello like I actually really appreciated the non speaking to each other at events though Because I do agree that like I wouldn't have benefited from the like Not at all. I mean not for I mean, I wouldn't that's the thing I as I wouldn't like that So that's really the reason I'm like I would have been pissed if somebody was doing that to me I'd be like, why are you doing this? What like it's too because it's too loaded. There's too much in the friendship in the scenario and Like the few times that people in my life might have been like you and Shannon should make up You and Shannon should be friends and I would be like no like because the work of it Used to feel overwhelming. I remember what was weird about the dinner in particular Which context wise the time that we met up before we saw each other this dinner that was like this big YouTube thing And I'm with like two of my friends. I'm actually really good friends Like one of them like Amber is one of my best friends like genuine and I like said I'm like Oh, that's my ex-best friend and first someone who's my really good friend now to have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about and like that's a really big statement like even saying. Oh, that's my ex feels like a less like But it is it's very weird for somebody who is one of your best friends to think of You have this scenario where that person was your best friend like for them I'm like, I wonder what that feels like equivalent of saying my ex-husband is here and your friend not knowing you were ever married I feel like that's how much of like a big It just requires so much explanation. Yeah, no, I know that you know what I also realized too is how many people Don't know that we know each other I'll be honest. Even once I had sent you that email I was like free I was like and I'm done like I felt just like weight lifted off and I thought that was the best place for me to be in to be honest is to have a conversation with you and not have any Expectation because it's not about that. It's like it's about like removing all the negative all the negativity and all the like the Things that you thought and the expectations all that kind of stuff. So now I was it was more like Where one of my close friends was like, okay, well, what are you hoping is gonna happen here? I was like Nothing, I don't have anything. I was like that Shannon feels better. Like, you know that that that would probably be the most versus worrying about Like okay, are they best friends again? Are they back to normal again? Like in reality It's like you just want to be cool with this person and be like normal like that's all that you're expecting the story I told you of Having people from my past who we had something before Expect to pick something back up with me like years later and for me to accommodate them in LA or accommodate them Or when I come home like making time for them where for me my home time is really about my family and like the guilt I feel from not being around my niece and nephew my mom and my dad. So I Did not want to put that kind of pressure on a friendship that already was On grudges still of this has to be anything because it doesn't you know Just because we were very close at one time doesn't mean that we have to continue that or doesn't mean that we have to Don't continue that it just it just means that what you gave me then was enough the friendship that we had at the time Was enough like all that I experienced with you like even I am so grateful that you even chose me to do a blog with I was like a nobody kids had nothing like you were this massive celebrity who had like a big following And so I was so grateful for what you provided for the friendship for the laughs for the good times Like I get all these video archives So I felt like you didn't owe me anything and I feel like we don't owe each other anything And I think getting to a place of respect and mutuality is just a really nice place to be How does it wrap up? It doesn't wrap up I Think of that You know that girl let's bring it back to girl guides You know the song is make new friends, but keep the old so surprised. You know this one is silver The circles round it has no end That's how long I want to be Oh Thoroughly impressed with the fact that you even have that just like to pull out. Did you look at that up? No Make new friends I Finally have a new website that I'm so proud of thanks to Squarespace I am rebranded and rebooted to make my business run smoother and the user experience for all of you more seamless Now if like me you weren't ready to hand over a wad of cash for someone else to build your professional site Then Squarespace is the solution. It's a one-stop shop for your portfolio Online store or legit whatever you need. 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