 So Ephesians chapter 5 starting in verse 22 wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord That's all I want to say Ladies I thought I'd make y'all laugh for a second because the moment women here submit to your husband You see him get seen a few y'all throw me some gangtons. Let me go ghetto again on you boy We'll read the whole passage. So wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord verse 23 for the husband is the head of the wife Also, Christ is the head of the church just like Christ is he is the savior of the body Therefore just as the church is subject to Christ So let the wines be to their own husbands in everything verse 25 husbands love your wives Just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her. Let me pause right there When we start talking about the roles of a husband and wife How many you would agree that what we see in movies and hear in music and what our culture present is? Absolutely not consistent with the word of God. Would you raise your hand? Okay, so stop taking cues from the world That's the first thing If you're here today What we're about to talk about and hear the rest of the day you have to determine in your heart you have to determine Do you really want to follow God's plan? Because you can hear hear hear that's why I love what the scripture says don't be just to hear but do it You know and I'm telling y'all from the perspective Um raise your hand if you don't know my story just raise your hand real high if you've never heard about my story All right. Well, let me tell you. I'm not up here speaking From a place of perfection I Come from a crazy background my mom was married six times 14 schools 17 houses Really? Yeah, I seen craziness in the biggest way I'm the first person in three generations of my family to be married to never cheat and never get a divorce That's only the power of God We have gone through Extremely difficult times not only because we both came from different backgrounds. I'm from Louisiana I know it's hard to imagine I Know y'all thought I was a Yankee And my wife is from, California every bit of it and And I'll never forget You know when we first met You know it was that church And actually she wasn't a Christian yet I was a new Christian and I felt the call of evangelism and I want to evangelize And thank God I didn't the Lord touched my wife Saved her and then I wanted to disciple her and he said no you'll ruin it so He knew my motives wasn't exactly pure Because when I saw her Believe it or not. She was the exact Dream better than the dream when I'd become a Christian. I said well, I'm a Christian I want to obey the Bible and Can have sex so I want to get married I mean there's more to it, but come on. I'm gonna just be honest. I Don't want to sin against God if it burns. Yeah, you're married. All right, so So I was I was like, oh Lord, I really want to be man I want to share life and and I wanted love not just physical I wanted love and I remember that you know, you know, they'd say getting your prayer closet and you know My IQ of 36 I I went and got in a closet And I took a pen and a pad and I started writing down what I wanted because somebody had said in a Bible study Just really I mean be specific in your prayer life for what you want. So I was like, all right. I want a wife And that's what I want in a wife and I literally got detailed I wanted a dark-haired gal who was in the fitness and Athletic and I said Lord could she have like some fancy eyes because I got brown eyes I was like, you know, she like fancy ones and And and you know, I was like, oh man, and it'd be cool if she was a twin I'm just gonna I wrote it down a twin. I Don't know. I just thought it'd be cool, you know and Sure enough when I met Eileen as she walked down I was I was actually already I was up front at a Praying for people and before service, you know, we're praying for people and then I see her walk in the church She's walking down. I remember everything went You know, and she's walking Now there's like and of course, you know being a single guy in church. I started looking all the other single guys Well after we got to know each other and and and all of that and then we you know It took her about a year to realize Mmm-hmm And we got sweet on each other Guess what she turned out to be my dark-haired green-eyed not only in the fitness. She was miss fitness USA and She didn't tell me any of this till way later. She's like, I have to tell you something. I was like, what? Because I come from a crazy background. It's like we've known each other. She goes. I just I just I Was I want to contest I said, but what? You're like in prison or something I'm wrestling and she said no, I want miss fitness USA and I like what what and she's like, yeah You know, I did modeling and you know, I was a swimsuit model and didn't I'm like Well, I forgive you and my wife even in the world was a very modest woman who Was one of the things that impressed me about it. I mean, I remember the first time You know, I met her family We're gonna go swim and they have a pole and it was up and it was So thinking hot so we're gonna take a dip in the pole and I never forget I was in the pole house guest house and And I remember seeing her walk her and sister come across the thing and she had a bathing suit on the first time I seen her in a bathing suit and she just very cute figure and I was like Yeah, do some push-ups And I literally start trying to pump it up guys She had a six pack more than me and I was But all of that and with the cherry on top she had a twin sister You guys I Just know this that God desires for you and I to have a relationship with our spouse That's incredible That's beyond even what you can imagine But oftentimes because of the darkness of this world our background in the influence of the demonic in spiritual warfare He keeps us from becoming all that we possibly can amen So the roles that God has for us You know, if you've married your spouse You're married. That's them So stop believing the lies like Should have prayed for a twin don't do the exchange program Allow God to blossom your relationship as Each one of you seek to fulfill the role that he's called you to in that Does that make sense and doesn't matter if you newly wed or your holy weds it? I Just made that up But I think as we really fulfill the role that God has called us to be in our marriage Guess what your spouse starts to become more attractive. Amen yeah, and That's one of the things I loved about my wife even though we came from pretty different backgrounds and She had to grow in the Lord as I did I never forget We were sitting on a beach and we were in our courtship phase and she loved the Lord from the beginning I mean just an amazing God of Gal, but I never forget. She said this love Jesus Bible and it's just so amazing But there's a part where it said why submit to your own husband, that's weird It's exactly that this scripture right here now it whoa Lord us for you to work on But what we need to do and she didn't understand the time and let's talk about it a minute is really what does it mean? Submission well listen how quiet everybody got Gals are like, yeah The guys are don't get scared now Vic bring it man back it up Well first of all, let's go back to the beginning in Genesis and as a pastor referred to in Genesis chapter 2 18 that God brought he primarily the role Was for her to be a helper his helpmate and I tell you what I've had a privilege of studying and reading and learning from from everybody because I've had to In order for us to make it. I've had to have my mind Transformed and renewed so I can't follow my my family's past you understand so whether it's dr. James Dobson on focus on the family and the year she had and building the family and Relationships actually had to go to work for him to get it Yeah, I thought Lord. I'm so messed up you place me here in the ministry with them or Dennis Randy and family life or whatever grow and learn You guys have your mind transformed because of the word and Tell you I to know that God brought Adam Eve to make her his helpmate While all of us are called to be helpers to others the Bible places a special emphasis on the responsibility for wise Genesis tells us that God Realized it wasn't good for man to be alone and he decided to make a helper suitable for him Interesting to note that the Hebrew meaning of the word helper in this passage is found hereafter in the Bible By referring only to God as he helps us The fact that the same word is applied to a wife signifies that the woman has been given tremendous power for good and her husband's life see Ladies you are called for great influence in your husband's life if you look at it that way and It's not just you submitting to him Being lorded over by him. That's not God's intention It's for you to understand your value that God has placed in you to say If you serve in the capacity that I created you to for your husband Your husband will do great things not only to glorify me, but it will be great for your own family Does that make sense? versus this Because if the wife isn't the helper she's the herder Always fighting to him That's like no Ladies what a role that you have you're a helper complete her Gals you're also a life-giver. You're the ones that have them Sweet babies you carry life you nurture Ain't gonna happen with a dude. I Mean I'll remember our first baby the babies is like And I just went I don't give them back to you right there And I said I'm gonna be there for you I think that but that little thing gotta get bigger Because I'm gonna break it gals you have the unbelievable ability To nurture you are more of a nurturer and than the husband does that make sense? What power what influence for good that you have? second thing is women your role is to respect your husband or ESBEC Respect your husband. What does that mean? Well, there's a reference about it You notice him you regard him you honor him you prefer him you esteem him you value his opinion You admire his wisdom and character and it's commitment to you and you consider his needs and values Some of you guys I can hear your mind right now. He ain't got a lot of wisdom You should see how he does that checkbook Well, then in your role of influence and helper complete her tell him honey Would you want me to balance the checkbook and kind of run that? Would that help you? And he'll go let me think about it Yeah, okay See y'all honey, you're the CEO. I'll just be the CFO And it's not in a manipulative way as I've heard one white say he may be the head, but I'm the neck the gals Sometimes your perception of a man because the way men have been conformed to be macho and you know, I got this Men have needs mean have needs We need to be listened to We need you to help us build our confidence in the person hood of our manhood. Am I right man? Yeah, don't you like your wife to look at you like? He's so strong My wife still brings me jars to open right honey, I just can't get this some And yeah, I don't matter if I'm on the computer watching TV. She bring me what oh Kids come on over here. What's that? That about to break it open another victory. There you go chick little baby. My wife would back kick me Ah Your Wounded if you lose the last time you gave your husband just those eyes of My wife still makes me want to show up for her The first time we were visiting out of church and we're getting sweet She came to I have a background as a martial arts instructor and I remember she came to the karate school one time She just comes in and she's sitting down all cute And all of a sudden I became Bruce Lee. I was like What's all right there? It was sparring time. I was beating people everywhere It was just a kids class I was like, yeah Girls men want something to fight for they want something to conquer and and and and it's for you if you hold our heart and safety We just celebrated 25 years of marriage this year praise the Lord And we actually renewed our vows and when we did the only people we invited were our children We have five children three adults and two little ones and we let them preside over the vows We we said y'all y'all do this mom and dad will show up and they got flowers And they they took our rings from us and give it to us and then they each one of our children Told us vows that we were the take again They had their own I know When I kids will you promise to kiss mom good night every night? Yeah Like that one. I mean it was amazing and then each one of our children Told us what it meant to them that we've stayed together. Oh There were tears flowing because we've come through hard times We were sweeping separated twice in our marriage one time I loaded her up in the car with the kids and said No, I said babe you you need to go because I I suffered severe PTSD real acute and When you start taking your k-bar and stabbing in in the walls and riding cuss words and pulling on your rifle and start tweaking Sometimes that is the better road of valor to say honey They got me on medication, but we don't know what's going on going up to your mom and Her having to trust the Lord with me You guys And gals I'll tell you right now the whole idea of submission or allowing your husband to be head of the house And you come in that's being subject to him just like he is of the God isn't an issue of trust and Really so much of us based on how much you trust the Lord With the craziness that we've endured You have to just trust God and even allow your husband to make bad mistakes. I Mean we came out a hundred and twenty three visits to a trauma specialist from our brain I've been on debacle Debra King Prozac Zoloff with them. Yeah with me Yeah, so imagine my wife having to deal with that there were times she would look at me and say honey What you're thinking is not reality. I Go, yeah They're coming to get us Well, I need this right here. They're right, honey. It's not reality And sometimes she would describe me And kiss me and hold me and say this is reality Your love the influence of a woman you gotta trust the Lord Respect your husband and love them Tied us to four that it exhorts the ladies to love your husband and part of that love is physical union is intimacy And that tends to be one of the really most challenging areas in relationship and I have people tell me all the time, you know, so I mean, what's a healthy relationship, you know, if you're gonna Like, you know, how often I say five or seven times a week And I wait for them to kind of sputter I go for some people But you know, I think dr. Dobson was I said two to three times a week is a healthy physical relationship because intimacy is so much more than just that it's it's glue in your relationship It's trust it can be ministering it can it's healthy. Do you understand? gals we live in a very centralized world just sexualized off the chart and Please don't put your man at risk and man Shame on you if you're going to porn or this other stuff for that. That's nonsense. It's sin. It's destructive Allow God to make your relationship how he wants and you may say all it's messed up We and had what trust God watch what he can do. Have you ever prayed before? Have you just held hands? I said Lord men You know how we like to be close, right? Amen What are y'all guys just say amen, come on Thank you. He said at the men's conference now your vibes here Right now Victor What do you think about me I got to be out in the foyer you afterwards all these women come up to me Gals, I will tell you something that my wife says that marriage retreats and women's deals She said when my husband travels without me, I make sure he is well-loved up Before he hits the room The enemy is use sex enough for destructive measures not only in your life and in your past So glorify God with it does that make sense and men be subject to God if you want to be close to your wife I have a thing. I typically say 99% of the time when I'm feeling desire. I want to be close to my wife I just always pray a little prayer Lord if it be your will and then I'm okay either way Most of the time now God has blessed us in unbelievable ways and I think it's because we kept our Relationship pure both of us coming from the world But when we met we said no we're gonna honor God this way and I tell kids that to this day When I speak in public high schools would say bring me in as an inspirational speaker I tell kids one of the best thing you can do for your sex life. It's to stay pure and wait till you're married Guess what they applaud they applaud kids and kids in this area I did a high school and they applauded because I tell them the outcome of it apart from Marriage can be very destructive Very destructive. Let's show the world Celebrate that part of our love in a way that so glorifies God people in the world go Wow You really are happy. I never get I told a group of young juvenile offenders locked up In this county and I said, oh you need to wait Fellas one guy said oh man this player got to share his love and I said no I hear you I hear you But I said that ain't the mark of a man Mark of a man is loved with one woman your whole life being faithful to her and pleasing her Come back to me in 25 years when you can say that and you'll know the truth and he was like That makes sense All right, so praise the Lord, let's let's see you men Men listen guys in essence God's called you to be a leader Some men are natural some are not Some men are strong and natural leaders Those that aren't how can they really leave their home if they're passive by nature? Paul says the same to everyone God has placed a husband in the position of responsibility Men you're the lead courageously reject passivity lead Leadership is not fun all the time and it's not about being popular. Say men When your house is in chaos when you got kids upside down when you got teenagers being Vessels of the wicked one. Okay. I don't know what else to say and maybe your wife You know got them biblical court and trying to control everybody and hopefully Men sometimes you just got to stand in the gap and say hey This is the way to cow eats the cabbage. I love all of y'all This is what's gonna happen and pray God give you wisdom and not rule with a hardship not put down people Do you understand? No, I'm not talking about that. It's servant leadership You serve your family, but sometimes you have to make hard calls and love and tell your daughter when she's walking out Hey, hey, hey No Get back in there, and I'll knit you something right now Take the curtains off the wall Get Arabic on you girl. I'll put a little thing on your head By the way, one of my daughters is here and her first real boyfriend and She's in her 20s, but you know what? He's a he's a good young man He came and asked me permission to date my daughter There are still young nights out there Who willing to honor and do the right way, but we have to keep the bar high Do you understand men lead right and put the fear of God in them young men? I just simply said you know my background. Yes, sir Anybody here's my daughter They're gonna die and Be dismembered But not in that order He just tapped me said I completely understand. I said good. I hope it works out. All right, so Man, we need to lead courageously reject passivity Second thing man, you got to love your wife unconditionally Unconditionally, I mean we live in a world that oh my goodness. It's it's ridiculous How men are passive and don't lead it reminds me of the story of It was a sign up in heaven Men were lining up in this big sign said all those men who've been dominated by their wives stand here The line of men just stretched off for affinity And then it was a second sign that said all those who have never been dominated by their wives stand here And underneath that sign stood one lone man So one of the guys on the other one he couldn't believe you to walk over to him and he asked him Sitting hand. I just got to know What's a secret? How did you do it? I mean the other lines has millions of men and you're yet You're the only one standing in this line that said you weren't dominated by your wife The man looked around kind of puzzle and said I I'm not sure my wife just told me to stand here So men you got to reject passivity be a servant leader The key to be a great leader in your home is to be under subjection to God Almighty. Are you I'm asking you right now as a man Is your life under the Lordship of Jesus Christ? Do you know Jesus Christ have you ever surrendered your life to him as a man and said God? Forgive me of my sin. I Surrender all I am and hope to be to you Make me the husband you want me to be make me the dad you want me to be if you've never done that you need to today It's the best thing you can do So here you are with the responsibility to reject passivity be a leader love your wives unconditionally Because you know what let her know what her worth is She is God's gift to you And sometimes you may not feel that but it's still the truth Do you know when I don't feel a certain way how I combat it? I love my wife even more I just say it out loud. I love my wife best thing ever happened to me. Hey, hey Thank you God. Thank you God. Thank you God God I love my wife. I love my wife Just my wife to me she says honey. Thank you. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart You've made me you've increased my prayer line you you've made me really want heaven so bad At times and I just said you're you're welcome What did she mean by that? Serve your wife lover and condition to let her know her value, you know for our 20th anniversary I did something that we we couldn't really afford, but I did it anyway sometime in you just got to get nuts 20th anniversary I went and bought 20 dozen roses red roses and had them in our house. Oh, he came downstairs and she was like And she said honey, you know, we're in ministry a lot of money. I said I stole them our neighbors got no roses, but listen girl You got them 20th anniversary serve your wife What I will say about that gentlemen is Serve your wife and intimacy Don't make the marriage bed undefiled by going and just using your wife Because guess what wives know the difference man Reflect back to when you were a young man court and your wife and want to marry her and honeymoon. You're gonna be Love your wife minister to her Meet her needs put her needs above yours Women, can you say amen for a minute? Guys like I didn't even know she had a need Yeah One of the best ways you can serve your wife is to understand her needs and try to meet them Do you know what your top your wife's top three needs all right now seasons of life determine it Maybe she's struggling with little ones. Maybe she's wanting to be more of her grandmother Maybe she wants to play the piano Maybe she wants to go train with the Navy sail and do shooting Like we did last week. So, you know Last thing is another way serve your wife is to provide for her Man, I think providing for your wife women need to know that you care and want to provide They need to have that security of or at least my man is providing Also, they need to feel protected. Do you understand? Wives is that true am I just making this up? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean why is want to feel like it's my man. I don't care if he's like this. It's my man I love that little guy. I'm not kidding It all I gotta tell you By a pistol listen They want to know you can provide they want to know you can protect when we were first married my wife was pregnant first baby and She had gone down we had a karate school in this little strip mowing She went down and she was trying to do some business at a of all things a copy place and the guy who owned it My wife said I don't really know any belittled her Don't belittle a pregnant woman, right and my wife at that time she just kind of stunned She was stunned because he was like can't you can and so she just walked out She came back and she was crying my wife. I was like, well, what's wrong? Is it the baby? What she said no this guy just really just belittled me and I said, oh my What does he look like And she told me I walked over there I remember walking into the business said hey, buddy. Can I talk to you? He was what do you need everybody's turn around? I said, I need to talk to you outside. I walked outside I said, do you remember that little pregnant guy that was in here? Yeah, you really belittled her. That's Disrespecting a gal, which is wrong and it's really wrong because my wife is really really wrong because she's pregnant Really really wrong because I'm a black belt and then he tried to posture Let me tell you what I said. Oh your hands up my face. That's kind of a side of the salt Father you I'd put them in your pockets right now and he goes in anyway He apologized to my wife that'll work out good I remember Provision I remember we're first married and we've had lots of money in our life We've had good businesses. We lived in Hawaii. We know wealth and we know, you know God's provision of ministry of All right, Lord And you got God is the one that's faithful you seek him, right? But I don't forget we were praying for our second baby and we needed diapers and milk And I was waiting on a paycheck as a young man working at health club and I never forget I went over to my brother's house. This is down in Louisiana. I said man. I gotta get some money real fast Can I borrow your lawnmower? He and my brother knows me. He's now president of an oil company. He got rich and he said Yeah, more than the back gas. I'll pay you back for the gas He goes you don't have to I think that more and that can I went door-by-door in that neighborhood I said hey, I'm waiting on a check. I get in two weeks. Can I mow your lawn? Man, you got to be willing to do whatever it takes to provide for your wife Don't you dare sit at home drinking a 40 and click in the channel. I think it was will Rogers That said our country needs cleaner minds and dirtier hands Hard work. Well last thing I must say and I'm out of here. It's been so good I'm enjoying the state is if you don't think that there's a real literal devil with demons that are signed to you and your wife You had better wake up Spiritual warfare against godly marriages is probably the biggest attack and risk ever And if you don't believe it's real guys wake up because you maybe want to protect your woman against them Let me tell you what you better protect her and your family against the demonic One time my wife was struggling and she was just being she was having a hard time the Lord showed me He showed me in a vision. She was being attacked by demonic forces And I felt helpless because I was like well make them appear so I'm ripped their eyes out Lord He said no you get on your knees and you enter seat for your wife right now That's where the battle is gentlemen. I'm gonna show this quick video That how many of you have not seen the film on our story raise your hand if you have not seen our film, okay? All right Well, we wrote a book and it was a film that was done on our life story And it is one of the most amazing love stories because what God can do But we did an opening scene For the film and it's called marriage is worth fighting for and I just want to walk you through it for one moment And you better believe you need a cleave to your husband and wife When you're married now, this is interesting Metaphorically, we believe these are demonic forces that would come against our marriage on floor. I'll get it First Peter 5h says be alert and sober mind Come on, let's play it. Give me your money and the lady to remember this one John 10, buddy, you can have the money, but Thank you That's not what I meant No, honey, I wasn't mean that end of the rod gatoria. Say no more. What do you think this is a joke? I said give me your money You sure this is what you want? What do you think I? Put the script up there again So do you want the lady don't say what she just did there right there You guys just know the warfare is real, but you stand in authority that Christ has given you you can have victory amen