 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm your host Jonathan as they have Jonathan as they comment I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic 89 percent. Let me do 89% of men Go slow or act passive for this reason Really quickly before we get started if you're new to my youtube channel hit the subscribe button click the bell wherever it's at and Share my videos with friends if you feel like this content resonates with you I'd be honored if you click that share button and pass it on to a half a dozen friends All right, why do men go slow or seem passive? Okay, why does this happen? You know, I know you've been so conditioned that men are hunters and they go after what they want They want to go from point a to point b to point c to point d and we are so chronologically We do thing this way. So when we like you we are coming at you strong Strong And then you're kind of wondering what's happening when this guy is kind of lax a dayacle and he seems slow And he's kind of passive, you know, he's not that Chivalrous man. He's not coming on strong. Why is this happening? Well, today I want to go deeper into the why Because this is really important and ladies, you know, we have to recognize that the vast majority of first dates That are happening these days are with total strangers They're literally total strangers Now let's take a let's go backward in time for a second to caveman where there were 10 cave women and 10 cave men That was it Everybody in your tribe knew each other. That's your pool that you got to choose from And as societies grew and things grew and we moved to smaller towns Let's kind of fast forward to the 18 1900s Where you lived in a small town chances are if you were if you began a relationship with someone it was someone you knew Or let's fast forward even a little bit further into the 60s where the workplace was the number one place to meet someone The workplace was the number one, you know after high school or college the workplace Was the number one and what i'm saying is maybe a third of people met through the workplace And if you went out with someone you worked with you were familiar with them. You knew them But today we're meeting strangers. We're meeting total strangers and the challenge with a stranger is very little trust Is existent in this beginning in the beginning phase of the relationship There's very little familiarity and trust built Now john gotman talks about the three levels of building a relationship It first starts off with that lust and limerence phase the hormones the pheromones being You know swirling around where we connect with one another we call that chemistry But the next phase is the building of trust And the challenge with here and this is why men go slow why such a big percentage of men go slow is They just don't know you yet Very little trust has been built Because most men and women don't know how to build trust They don't know what the secret sauce is for building trust. They just expect trust But how do we build trust? We build trust by doing things together We build trust by doing social activities and hobbies and mutual interest in spending time with family and friends And physical intimacy as well as emotional intimacy. That's how we build trust But for the guy that's going slow or as passive is because there's doubt Doesn't mean that they doesn't mean that he's not interested in a relationship with you But there's doubt there hasn't built been enough trust built and ladies, you know about trust You know this intimately you need to feel safe to be in a healthy happy relationship. So you get it But we men needed to and you've been so conditioned over this rhetoric of dating advice that men just know what they want They go after it. Well, yeah, that's true when we're going after sex We're certainly we're very crystal clear because it's a one-time thing Think about the hunt for a second where you get all this rhetoric of chase right and hunt We hunt the buffalo. We kill the buffalo. We eat the buffalo. We're done And then we're on to the next buffalo. We hunt the buffalo. We eat the buffalo. We're done So yes, we've been conditioned to do that But in relationship, do you want to be his one and done one and done one and done? No That's why the hunt conversation the chase conversation doesn't work for building a healthy happy relationship And what I mean to say it doesn't work. It's just one tiny facet of male behavior And the challenge with today's humans Is we don't know each other and when we don't know each other we feel doubt when we feel doubt we go slow Or we might act passive and that doesn't make us bad people Doesn't make a man feminine because he might go slow. I've heard that rhetoric. He's passive. He's in his femininity How is passivity and femininity combined? What you're really trying to say is he's a pussy But that's but that's such a shitty thing to say about a guy if someone's passive it merely means he's just uncertain Why do we have to add the label here? Okay, I'm going off on a tangent. Let me stop I just get a little frustrated when I read comments and you throw out some of this rhetoric that's just so off base Human beings are complex. We're riddled with childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas and experiences That make us uncertain. It doesn't make us bad people. It just makes us human beings And for the healthy happy relationships to be born It has to be born by building trust together and this happens through Doing things together and if you're not doing things together if you're spending all your time Hoping that those telephone calls and text messages building trust. It's not Telephone and text messages build zero trust and let me tell you why Can you remember the last telephone you call you just had? Can you remember a call you had a week ago a month ago? Do you keep track of your telephone calls? I can tell you about the date where we went to disneyland for our second date I can tell you about a wedding. I went with a woman. I can tell you about hiking I remember hiking to the hollywood sign. I live here in los angeles. Those are the things I remember That's how I fell in love with women in my life. It's through the doing of things It's not the telephone and it's not text messaging because my thumb is a really bad form of communication my thumbs People are terrible at communication with their thumbs. So just recognize that's not building love We build love by doing things together and ultimately if you look at the happiest relationships Go interview some of the best relationships that you're aware of. They are always doing things together It's not spent over the telephone or text messaging That's just a way to keep a little bit of the flame going but it it's such a minute part of it All right, you get the gist. Okay. Why do men go slower passive? It's just doubt And it takes time to build trust But certainly if you're spending time with a guy and it's not going anywhere then and if it's not going anywhere then make a choice You can move on But don't blame him don't label him as a bad guy because he has doubt Because we all have doubt and it takes time to build trust You get the gist of where i'm going. Okay I'm sure you have something to say write a question write a comment. I read them all I do my best to respond to as many as I can so feel free to write I'm gonna I'm gonna acknowledge those ones and and be kind. I'm asking to be kind on some of these messages You can certainly challenge my ideas, but don't attack me personally. That's just not cool all right Oh and lastly if you can't afford Private coaching then check out the link below to my vip group or check out the link to my book What the heck is self-love anyway? Hey All right, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do giving myself a big gigantic job them bear hug I'm gonna ask you to give yourself a big gigantic hug I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone next to you and give them a big gigantic hug of love because we all need Hugs because hugs are a great source of love Thank you so much and wishing you a super duper wonderful fantastic day. Thanks so much. Bye. Bye now