 My dad told me the other day he said I still remember when you were drunk and crying and told me that you would never have a normal life and he said and I remember he told me before he said I remember thinking then it was so bad he said I believed you. My name is James Dixon I'm a contract grower for Georgia's Incorporated and we've been here for about a year before that we lived in Magnolia, Arkansas my wife and I were both originally from there and grew for nine years for Tyson down there I bought my first farm in March in February 2013 but I always wanted to expand my operation and as soon as I got enough equity to you know I thought I could make that happen. Yeah we're expecting in September we've been trying for several years but that was another reason we wanted to move was just to we both grew up in a small town and growing up in small towns good but we just wanted more opportunities more extra curricular activities for our kids and hopefully we'll have that up here. Well I guess how I coped with stress I didn't really know how to cope with stress when I bought my first farm when I was at the age of 23 and a lot of it was I guess isolation and I was single you're self-employed you don't have everybody to answer to things finally slowed down and I dealt with it by drinking and like I said you don't have anybody to answer to you don't have anybody to tell you hey you might not should drink at this time of the day and I mean it's just so it's a lot easier versus someone who goes into work somewhere to to get out of control and that's what happened to me is I started coping by drinking and that before I knew it wasn't it wasn't a choice anymore it was I mean my body was addicted to alcohol and I didn't know how to stop I don't know I mean it's weird how it's weird how bad things got and then it's just like everything and things aren't always great but when you compare it to that I mean I got it made now I mean and meet and Ashton I mean like like my dad told me I never thought I would have a normal life again but so I mean there is hope I mean it's just a lot of people don't want to talk about it and they don't want to the hard thing is reaching out that's that's the hardest thing I mean I hardest thing I probably ever did in my life was call my dad in the middle of the night and tell him I need help farmers think that it's a sign of weakness to ask for help not just farmers in general but men I mean they're in women too I'm sure struggle with the same thing but that it's a sign of weakness but and I thought the same thing to before I asked for help that it was a sign of weakness but actually I mean I think that it's exact opposite because anything that's hard you know take strength and that's like I said that's one of the hardest things that I've ever done is ask for help I reached out because I was thinking about killing myself not because I wanted to die I did not want to die I was tired of drinking and I didn't know how I did I didn't know how to stop and that's the that's I'm sure what a lot of people who wants to they get to the point where it's bad enough they do want to stop they don't know who to call there's there's places that you can go 12-step programs where you can walk in and then it's a scary thing to do but I guarantee you if you do it then there's gonna be people there that's gonna welcome you with open arms and they're gonna be just like you and you can talk about it and that's the that's the main thing is to having having people you can't get through it alone I mean anything I mean whether it's depression addiction I mean God put us here with other people to have other people for support of it actually I went to treatment twice and it was it was a long process and the first time I was I was doing it for everybody else I wanted to get everybody off my back and I wasn't serious about it so but the second time I went it had got bad enough that I didn't care what I had to do I was gonna follow the directions do whatever they suggested and anyway after the second time I went the last time I've it's been December 16th 2015 was the last time I had a drink that was when I went into treatment the second time for the last time and I actually I guess I accepted the fact that there's I guess there's a difference between it made in your novel I can accept in it I felt like I finally accepted it you you learn the tools necessary to help you stay sober in rehab but after you get out that's up to you and what I started going to a 12-step program that helped me and got a sponsor and ever once I committed I mean my life's never been the same I mean it was I had all those years when I blame God for the situation I was in and then I finally came to realize that it wasn't God that turned us back on me it was me that turned my back on God and when you're in it and it said it's worse you know you don't think there's a lot at the end of the tunnel but there's even things like that like my relationship with my family today I thought it was gonna be worse you know I thought it would never be the same and then turns out we're actually closer than we would have ever been had any of that ever happened so I mean there's and it not just that and meet my wife and you know doing well with the farm and moving and getting another form you think you're alone but then if you actually take that hardest step and reach out you realize you're not I mean and there's there's a whole world out there people are going through the exact same thing you are and just people don't want to talk about it but that that's why I said the hardest thing and the best thing you can do is reach out because once you do you'll realize you're not alone and I mean you're not