 Craft presents the Great Gilderslave. Yeah! Each week at this time, Craft presents from Hollywood, California, Harold Perry as the Great Gilderslave, written by Leonard L. Levinson. We'll hear from the Great Gilderslave in just a moment. In the meantime, November is here again. Yes, and crisp, frosty November weather is going to make the whole family feel like working harder and playing harder too. So now the right kind of energy food becomes more important than ever. Yes, right now it's very important that your family gets plenty of wholesome, nourishing food. Food that provides energy and vitamins, that gives you and the children the kind of nourishment everyone needs. Now, Parquet margarine, made by Craft, is just such a food. Yes, Parquet margarine is a wholesome, highly nutritious food made from selected American farm products. Parquet is one of the best sources of food energy you can serve. What's more, Parquet margarine is a reliable source of vitamin A. Every pound contains 9,000 units of this important vitamin. Now, all this wouldn't do much good if your family didn't like Parquet margarine. Well, we're sure they will. Yes, they're bound to like Parquet's delicious flavor, whether you serve it at the table or use it for baking and pan-frying. So order delicious, economical Parquet margarine tomorrow. Just ask for Parquet, P-A-R-K-A-Y. And now, let's visit our friend, the Great Yilder Slave. Come in here a minute, will you? I want to say, how did you get that scratch on your nose? And by George, your shirts all torn too. What's happened to you? Oh, I had a slight argument with a friend of mine. A slight argument with a friend, eh? I'd hate to see after a big fight with a stranger. Where did you two argue inside a cement mixer? No, in the backyard at the Georgie Beasley's front steps. Oh. It was a sort of a running argument. Yes. Now, Leroy, I disapprove of you holding knuckle debates with your little chums. But, yeah, Uncle Moore, you should have heard what Georgie said. No matter what he said, it wasn't the friendly thing to do. Well, if you'd have heard, you'd understand why I had a bopum on the smeller. A bopum on the smeller? Leroy, where do you pick up that kind of language? From you. Remember when that truck... That truck almost ran into me, young man. And besides, I don't recall using those words. It was just after the truck driver told you to go... Leroy, never mind. Let's get back to you. Young man, you must realize that you can't keep friendships by indulging in pugilistic sollocations. What's that? Poking people in the puss. Georgie Beasley, anyhow. Now, now, Leroy, friends are more precious than gold or diamonds. What would a man have if he didn't have any friends? Gold or diamonds? That's right. No! Leroy, I want you to go over to Georgie Beasley's house and apologize. I'm not right now. His big brother is home. Oh. Besides, I'm not going to shake hands with him after what he said about you. Come, come. Remember, sticks and stones may break about me. What did he say? Well, I don't like to repeat it. But I want to know. Now, Uncle Mort, you'd only get angry. Yeah. Besides, your head isn't any fatter than anybody else's. Oh! Oh, he called me a fathead, did he? Yeah. How'd you find out? Yeah. Wait till I tell his mother about this. Oh, you won't have to do that, Uncle Mort. He was just repeating what she said. Oh, shit. Let's drop the subject, Leroy. Only remember one thing. Friends are wonderful things to have. Because when you're over your head in debt, a friend won't let you down. And when you're up to your ears in trouble, a friend won't let you down. And when you find out you're on a limb... A friend won't let you down then either. Yes. Say, that reminds me, I've been meaning to look up an old friend from back home ever since I came to Summerfield. Does he live here? Yes. Follow name Charlie Dapple. I'll get in touch with him right now. Hand me the phone book, will you please? Sure. Thanks. Great chap, Charlie. I remember when I was first struggling to get into the girdle business. It was Charlie who helped me. No, young man. Yes, yes. He owned Dapple's department store at the time. He snapped up the first ten dozen I made. Yes, he had a stretcher point to do it too. Can I help you? Yes, sir. It pulled me out of a mighty tight squeeze. Let me see. Daniels? Danner? Dantee? Here we are. Dapple. Charles. 147 Olive Street. Femento 4733. That'll be good to see good old Charlie Dapple again after all these years. Hello. Hello. Could I speak to Charlie Dapple, please? Well, he isn't home now. This is Mrs. Dapple. Mrs. Dapple? Well, don't tell me that good old Charlie's married after all these years. Congratulations, Mrs. Dapple. You're a mighty lucky woman. Thank you. That's what Charlie keeps saying. What was that? Who is this? Well, when did the big event take place? Three years ago, Labor Day. Good old Charlie married on Labor Day. Say, I'll bet you a redhead. Redhead. Well, you know how Charlie always went. No, I guess you don't. From back home, Frockmorton P. Gildersley. Doesn't that name mean anything to you? No. Oh, but surely he's told you about the times we used to have together. Didn't he ever talk about Atlantic City? Did he? Well, it's a New Jersey. All about it. Oh, no, no. Let's make it a surprise. Make what a surprise? Well, I'm going to drop over for a visit. Oh, but really, Mr. Gildersley? Now, come, come, Mrs. Dapple. I haven't seen your husband for five years. Let's see. You live at $147, baby. Yes, it's an apartment house. The Venus de Milo Arms. Yes. Oh, I think I can find it. I'll drop in in half an hour. Oh, Silver Coal. Gildersley is the name. Yeah. Now, don't fix anything special for me. Just think of me as one of the family. Goodbye. This is going to be fun and surprising, Charlie. He loves surprises. I'll never forget the night he sneaked a lot of his wax dummies into my office to scare me the next morning. And did it? It would have if our night watchman hadn't shot six of them. He claimed they pulled a knife on him. Mr. Dapple sounds like a keen guy. He is, Leroy. Good old Charlie. Come along and meet him. Oh, but I wanted to go to a movie. We can go afterwards. Come on, come on, come on. Mrs. Dapple? Yes. Charlie certainly picked himself a lovely little bride. What? Oh, oh, you must be the man who phoned Mr. Silver's leave. Gildersley? By the way, is my old sidekick home yet? Well, no, and I've been expecting him for an hour. All right. Let's go to that movie. Come back here, young man. Mrs. Dapple, this is my nephew, Leroy. Oh, how do you do? Well, come right in. Thank you. Oh, now, don't look at this room. It's a mess. Oh, no, it just has that living look. Well, Charlie should be home any minute now. On Saturday afternoons, he usually stops at several places on the way home to get the football scores, you know. Yeah, yeah. Yes, I know how it is. No, not a baby. Mind if we look? Oh, no. Come on, Leroy. Don't you want to see the baby? No, I just want to see the movie. OK, young man, no baby, no movie. Let's see the baby. Yeah, that's better. Well, well, Mrs. Dapple, what a handsome, husky child. What's his name, Charlie? No, Gertrude. Oh, pardon me, Gertrude. Who's any bitty babe in Zazoo? He-he-he-he. Oh, dear, you frightened her. Maybe it's her face, Uncle Morse. Nonsense, Leroy. Babies just love my face. Now, now, Mother's little angel cake. Shush. Yeah, shush. I know a little quiet herb, Mrs. Dapple. It's one trick that always works. I got it right here in my pocket. Gee, Uncle, are you carrying around a bottle of milk? No. It's my watch, Leroy. Yeah, now listen, little cupcake. You hear the tick-tick? Oh, isn't that cute? She's holding it to her ear. Yes. There's nothing like a piece of jewelry to stop a girl from crying. Phone again. Phone? Now, let go of the gentlemen's watch, darling, so I can put you down. No, now, Mother's lamb, let go. Dear, she won't let go. Well, you'll just have to hold him, Mr. Gildesleeve, while I take that call. But it's been years since I held a baby that young. Once you've learned, you'll never forget. It's like swimming. Swimming, I'll bet it is. Here, hold Gertrude, Mr. Gildesleeve. Well, all right, take it easy, Gertrude. Well, jiggly, isn't she? Oh, now, better come back now. She's getting restless. Now, see here, Gertrude. Oh, I was just kidding. Relax. Kitchy-kitchy-coo, kitchy-kitchy-coo. I can't. Leroy, would you like to hold a little Gertie a while? Not me. Come on, let's ditch her and go see Hopalong Cassidy. Yep, wait a minute. I can't get my watch and chain away from her. And now, Gertrude, you've had your little fun. So, let loose. Now, you try to force her, Uncle. She'll get tired of her pretty soon and just drop the whole thing. That's what I'm afraid of. I don't poke fun. Now, now, Gertrude, let go of Uncle Throckmorton's 21-jewel nasty-go-watch. Yeah, that's a good girl. You see, Leroy, I got her back. Now, she's got a hole in my hair. Let go mother's little devil's food cake. Gertrude, Lee is a cute kid. Leroy, don't stand there and do something. Well, if I could find a pair of scissors, I could cut off that hunk of hair she's holding. No, Gertrude, unhand my hair. She's practically drooling over me. Well, really, Mr. Gilda-Sleeve, what are you doing to that baby? Madam, you better ask the baby what she's doing to me. Oh, now, now, let go of the man's hair, darling. Oh, my scalp. Feels like I just lost a decision to sitting bull. Now, you just lie in your blanket like a good little girl while Mama runs down to the gas company. Yes. Now? Yes, or else I don't know what we'll ever do over the weekend. Charlie was supposed to attend to it. But, but you're not going to leave us alone here with Gertrude. Oh, she won't give you any trouble. Will you, sweetheart? Well, Charlie will probably be here before I return. Oh, and in case he isn't, just heat the baby's bottle in ten minutes. Ten minutes? Take the roast out of the oven in a quarter of an hour. Then take the roast. Then light a fire under the soup. You fire the soup? And if a COD package comes, it's all right to pay for it. But, but I... And if it gets any cooler, phone down to the janitor for more heat. Oh! Light a fire under the janitor. Put the COD in the oven. Phone down for the baby's bottle. After all, I used to be a baby myself. Don't get fidgety, Gertrude. Remember, Rome wasn't built in a day. Careful with that safety, Pin Uncle Mort. Oh, my. Why don't these things come with zippers? Yes, yes, mother's little leg of lamb. You better hurry up, Uncle Mort. Gertrude's getting restless. And cold, too. That's well. It's her own fault. She keeps kicking it off. Well, if you can't pin it, why don't you just leave it off altogether? No, Leroy. We've got to pin Gertrude down some way with this blanket. Ah. There we are. I wonder what makes her do that. Maybe she's just bored with everything. When she isn't yelling, she's yawning. Well, that's because she should be sleeping, Leroy. Possibly if I told her some little anecdote, that might put her to sleep. It always works at the rotary club. Singing or to sleep? That's a fine idea. Friends have told me my voice reminds them of a metal arc, singing bass. What would you think of a sleep in the deep? You know. Many brave hearts are asleep in the... How about rock-a-bye, baby? That's it. Go ahead, Uncle Mort. All right. Let me see. I think it goes there. Rock-a-bye, baby, in the treetops of the cradle. I can't remember how the rest goad on the treetop. She's going to at once mower. Rock-a-bye, baby, let's go, Leroy. She's closing her eyes, so let's tiptoe into the other room, my boy. I've been singing till my tonsils are loo. I'm afraid you're right, Leroy. Two pictures before dinner. Leroy, if this takes much longer, we won't eat and see dinner. I better call home and tell your sister we'll be late. Hand me that telephone. Be playing nurse and aide to a baby. Fine thing. Hello? Hello, Marjorie? Looks like Leroy and I'll be a little late for dinner tonight, my dear. We stopped in to see an old friend. It's Gertrude. She's just a baby. We're taking care of her, for Mrs. Dapple. She's out taking care of the gas. Yes, and we're even taking care of the cookie. Oh, you're looking? Yes. I was supposed to take the roast out of the oven and put the soup on the fire. But I had to put the soup in the oven because the roast was on fire. I've been singing Rock-a-bye, baby, to her, but something tells me she'd prefer there'll be some changes made. That's a marvelous idea. And bring Birdie, Marjorie. And maybe she can patch up the dinner I've ruined. Are they hungry? Yes, hungry? Say, I never thought of that. Let me have a look. Oh, my goodness, that's what it must be. Marjorie, hurry over quickly. What's wrong? Gertrude's so hungry she's trying to swallow her foot. You got that all straight now. I think so, Mrs. Dapple. We're to shut off the gas at 1.47 this afternoon and turn it on at 3214 Winslow. Is that right? Correct. We're moving away from the Olive Street apartment tonight and I don't want any slip-ups. Oh, there won't be. Oh, now, can I change my light and water here, too? No, the light and water company's down at 10th and Spring Street. Oh, dear. Well, that'll take me an hour. I left someone with my baby and I promised to be right back. Oh, well, they'll just have to wait. Marjorie, the way you handle that baby is a revelation to me. Yeah, you're certainly tidy with a tidy. Yes. Where did you ever learn all that, my dear? No, I took child psychology in school. Yes, but Gertrude didn't. How did you ever two get together? Oh, it was easy. In dealing with hysteria and psychoneurosis in the field of speculative philosophy relating to the young, the prime factor was a thorough understanding of the mental and nervous processes of the infant mind. Simple, isn't it? Uh, either it is or I am. Say, Leroy, how's Bertie doing? Oh, Bertie, he's considering. Uh, considering what, Bertie? The cupboards. What's wrong with the cupboards here, Bertie? Well, from the looks of them, these folks seems to have a mighty fine assortment of nothing. Uh, nothing? What do you mean? Make yourself plain. Okay, I'll speak plain, but it's gonna sound ugly. These folks have got just about enough food in their kitchen for one meal. Do you mean that Mrs. Dappel's cupboard is empty? Man, that cupboard couldn't be any bad than if that lady's name was Hubbard. Oh, this is terrible. I never dreamed for a moment they were destitute. Well, what are we going to do, Uncle Mawr? Don't worry, I'll fix things up, Marjorie. Bertie, take this $10 bill down to the nearest store and buy a lot of groceries. Yes, sir. Better make out a list. Yes. Some canned goods. Oh, Uncle Mawr, that's terribly sweet of you. And some sugar. Oh, it's nothing, my dear. I get a lump in my throat. Lump sugar? And a sinking feeling in my heart. Bacon soda? When I think of what's ahead. A head of cabbage? Yes. Yes, sir. It brings the tears to my eyes. And onions? I suppose they just gradually got into debt and couldn't... Catch up. That's it. They couldn't catch up. Bertie, are you still here? You better get going. Take Leroy along to help you carry the bundle. Okay, Uncle Mawr. Hurry out the back way. I'll bet that's my old pal now. And will I clap hands if here comes Charlie? Now, see here, Dappel. We've exhausted our patience with you. Why do you ignore our letters? Why do you hang up when we telephone? Why don't you be a man and make your payments on that piano like you promised? No, see here, mister. I'm not Dappel. But by George, if I was, and you used that phone, I'd cuff you around till you'd crawl back into the woodwork. Oh, yeah? Well, if you're not Dappel, what do you care how I talk to him? You big blimp? He's my friend, and you can't abuse an absent friend in my presence. Especially if he isn't here. Uncle Mawr, not so loud. Huh? Oh, that's right. Not so loud, mister. If you want to fight, just step inside. Okay. But this time when I leave, I'm taking that piano with me. Over my dead body. That makes it even more attractive. One more crack like that, and I'll shove that swollen zither down your noisy throat. Now, you take your hat off and state your business before I forget my manners, and bop you on the smeller. Now, take it easy, Tubsy. My name is Baxter of the Summerfield Washing Machine and Piano Company. Now, this fellow Dappel has been buying this piano from us on the installment plan. Only he ain't kept up his payments. Well, I happen to know that Mr. Dappel has been up against it pretty badly lately. Couldn't you just, uh, kind of forget the payments this month? Forget it? How can I? I've got a memory like an elephant. Yeah, and a hide like one, too. All right, then. How much is the payment? I'll give it to you myself. Oh, no, you won't. According to our contract, once a payment is defaulted, the entire remaining balance becomes automatically due. Oh, my goodness. How much is he still low on it? Now, let's see. I've got it right here. It's, uh, $74. $74 more? Do I? That mahogany monstrosity over there was never worth that in the first place. Either I get the money or else a piano. Yes. I think you mean it. Well, Charlie Dappel helped me up when I was getting started, so I can't let him down when he's just about finished. I'll write you a check for the $74. Let's see. That'll leave me with a balance of 28 cents. Well, there's somebody at the back door. I better go see. I'm coming, you blasted woodpecker. Excuse me. I'm the gas man. Don't want any. I've got enough gas. I come to shun it off. Shut it off? Didn't Mrs. Dappel call at your office this afternoon? Probably to pay the bill. Look, brother, I'm a guy who sticks strictly to his own job. Yes. I got an order saying turn off gas at Dappel apartment 147 Olive Street. And that's what I'm going to do, brother. Yes. Well, uh, let's not be too hasty about this, uh, brother. I suppose I pay the bill to you right now. No, no, I ain't allowed to take no money. You don't understand, brother. I'm just a guy who gets orders to turn gas on and to turn it off. Yeah. Then I go where it says, and I turn gas on or else I turn it off. That's all I do. Sounds mighty monotonous. I like being monotonous. Yeah. Uh, look here, brother. By the way, what's your name? Uh, Herman Peebles. Herman Peebles. Uh, look here, Hermie. Uh, Peebles live here, too. Uh, simple Peebles. Kindly Peebles. The salt of the earth. Things have been a little top for them lately. And there's another mouth to feed, too. You mean... Yeah, that's what I mean. A tiny baby named, uh, Little Gertrude. Yeah, think what it would mean to poor Little Gertrude if she didn't have any gas. No hot milk. Uh, no hot water. No hot air. It's tough. Yes. Winter is approaching too, Hermie. Need I say more? No, no. Don't worry, mister. I'm not going to shut off the gants here today. Uh, you're not? No, I just can't. Well, I'm certainly... Certainly glad I convinced you. It wasn't you, mister. Just remember I left my tolls at the office. Just as soon as a dapple shows its nose through that door. I done cooked this rib roast so long it's done shrunk down to the size of a lamb chop. Well, personally, I wouldn't mind staying all evening, only I've got a previous engagement. It's them. I'll get the door. Wait, come for the furniture. You should take it away. This is the last straw. Don't look, Uncle. You're right, Leroy. You men can't do this to a poor little helpless baby. We ain't doing nothing to no baby. Take the other end of this sofa, Terry. Got it. Now get out of the way, mister. Bye, George. You're not going to get away with this. Uncle, put down that vase. I was just trying to help the men out there. Don't do us no favors. We'll help ourselves out. Careful coming out that door, Terry. Okay. Quickly, Leroy, lock the door. Now we've got to figure out some way to prevent him from stripping the apartment. Mr. Gildes, please. A lady just come in the back way and say she's Miss Daple. Yes, she comes now. Oh, at last. Oh, thank you ever so much, Mr. Gildicuff. Yes. That's all right. Where's Charlie? Well, I can't imagine. Unless he's... Oh, of course. This was his Saturday to work late at the office. But he'll be here any minute now. That is, if he comes straight home. He better come straight home. There are a couple of men roaming around trying to repossess your furniture. Repossess our furniture? Well, I can't imagine. Oh, well, you must mean the moving men. Yeah, they're moving men. They're trying to move everything you've got right out of here. Well, of course. We're moving over to Winslow Avenue today. Oh, my goodness. How can Charlie do this to me? And what about the piano? The collector tried to take it away, but I stopped him. Well, you should have let him have it. We just played it to break our lease here. It's your lease in my pocketbook, Madam. Well, we better hurry up and get ready to leave. Oh, did the men come to turn off the gas? Yeah, and you should have seen them turn on the tears. Oh, yeah. Oh, there's my husband now. Yeah? There's something about the way he knocks that I can always recognize. Oh, at last. Hey, Mrs. Dappel, I've been waiting for this moment all afternoon. Do you mind if I hide in the dining room and then when good old Charlie comes in, I'll jump out and yell surprise? Please, that's all I have left. Well, that'll be cute. Go right ahead. The Leroy Marjorie, a birdie. I want you to get in on this. All right. Come on, let's hide. Oh, Charlie, darling. Oh, yes, sweetheart. What's the idea of keeping the doll out? Well, I don't know. In fact, I don't know half of what's been going on around here. But coming to the living room, dear, there's a little surprise for you. Surprise? What do you mean? Where's the surprise? Oh, boy. Surprise, Charlie. Surprise. Yeah, where's Charlie? I'm Charlie. Who and thunder are you? Oh, my goodness. Gee, Aunt, what's the matter? It's that man. I never saw him before. Charlie Dapple. The great gilder's sleeve will be with us again in a few minutes. But first, I wonder why I always talk to the ladies in our audience, because after all, some of us men aren't such bad cooks. Well, I can fry a wonderful egg. I can even make pretty good biscuits. So really, we men should know about delicious parquet marjoram, too. So this is for men only. Next time you men feel like whipping up a batch of biscuits, use parquet marjoram made by Kraft. You see, parquet marjoram is a real flavor shortening. It adds flavor to all baked foods. So no wonder the wife's cookies and cakes taste better when made with parquet. And if you like pan-fried foods, you'll find they're tastier, too, when you use parquet marjoram. And you don't have to worry about parquet spattering or sticking to the pan. Of course, you'll want to use parquet marjoram at the table, for you'll like its delicate appetizing flavor. Now, maybe you men aren't as interested in nutrition as the women are, but you should know that parquet marjoram is a nourishing energy food that contains vitamin A. So men, if you can't find parquet marjoram at home, buy a pound or two tomorrow. You'll be pleased to learn that it's mighty economical, too. Just ask the dealer for parquet. P-A-R-K-A-Y. Just a second till I find my key children. Oh, I'm tired. Under the door. It's for you, Uncle Morse. Well, no, Day. I wonder who it's from. Dear Pal Throcky, George Piddy just told me you were in town, so I dropped over to see you. Sorry, I missed you. Your old pal and sidekick, Charlie Dapple. Good night. The music heard on this program was composed and conducted by William Randloff. This is Jim Vannon speaking for the Kraft Cheese Company and inviting you to be with us again next week at this same time for the further adventures of The Great Gilders, please. This is the national broadcasting company.