 Today's harsh criticism request was sent in by Kevin Hansen. He's one of my subscribers on the channel And he's been asking about me doing his draft for quite some time. So let's get started SCP XXX sleazy supermarket object class Euclid special containment procedures any area that has the cape. Oh my god When you have a typo in the very the first three Words I mean because we're not going to consider the object class or the special because that's a copy-paste job the first Three words you wrote. There's a typo Any area that has the capability of spawning an SCP instance is be monitored covertly by hidden cameras Disguised as objects in the area such as street lamps and fire hydrants. Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there You're using already far more words than are necessary Disguised as objects in the area is enough. You don't need to give me examples Due to high public visibility when active instances are to be put out of business via legal means quotation mark if possible and located Legal in this situation applies to any method that is used by the law. No lawful reason the shutdown To the shutdown the instance is needed. I think you mean to shut down the instances needed. God damn it, motherfucker Just basic read-through would have caught that that You sent me a draft with very basic typos in it. What the fuck is wrong with you? I mean, it's all right if you make one here or there, but you're making them over and over and over again and they're Very easy to spot Because I'm not very good at spotting typos, but they're fucking so obvious Also, here's a tip anytime you feel the need to include quotes around a thing in an SCP Just don't fucking do it But if you're committed to this particular brand of stupidity and just fucking don't immediately include a parenthetical That explains exactly what you mean by what you put in quotes. Just say the thing in the first place This is to be carried out by mtf November 28 tricky tycoons common methods of foreclosing SCP XXX instances included false foreclosure notes fake health inspections or purchase. No, there's no or in there I'm just naturally as reading putting an or where there should be one Purchase of the land etc. Okay, first of all of fake health inspections and purchase of the land are not really foreclosures That's not how that works foreclosure is you know foreclosure and also This is what you mean earlier when you said legal foreclosure you meant foreclosure's purchases and condemning the building So just say that you spent three sentences fucking around if none of these options are available The instance is to be shut down by force and all instances of scp xxx x2 Or to be taken into custody or terminated at commander mccail's digression Who the fuck is commander mccail and how do the containment procedures shake out if he's dead or incapacitated? I mean also seriously Did you read this before you send it to me because you write digression, but I think you mean Discretion any successful raid of an scp xxx x instance should have it entire stock Be removed by the class personnel and be law if you don't after I read that out loud Understand exactly what your problems were and there are multiple problems with the sentence structure there I don't know what I can do for you. So I'm just gonna move on No personnel are to interact with an unlocked scp xxx x-1 instance or any instance marked as dangerous Any civilians fired due to replacement vents are to be agnostic I wasn't as yet before but after foundation intervention I now accept that there may be a God Pretty sure you meant amnesticized, but you know, yeah, let's see the foundation is now going to start agnosticizing people That's a thing And given a new job once the SUV is reverted to an oil supermarket the $2,000 provided to citizen Not citizens or not to the citizen, but to citizen Maybe confiscated or not at head researcher Phillips Decretion I'm just gonna pretend you said discretion there even though you said digression again And also if you think about it the idea that had researcher Phillips is just using the money to fund a lavish lifestyle Until he dies of course and then no one knows what to do with the money because the containment procedures are too specific Well, let's move on to then to the description here description. Oh my god. That is a long paragraph. Oh boy SCP xxx is an anomalous chain of supermarket grocery stores Boy, you better tell me in the next sentence what the anomaly is This is a regenerator by copying an existing supermarket and replacing it entirely referred to as a replacement event Okay, that's not exactly how I would structure things, but we'll go with it Anyway, this can only occur to currently operating supermarkets This can only occur to What the shit with all employees being sent a letter containing a document informing them of their termination and $2,000 or equivalent. What what is the point of that detail? Anyway, you see feel like a needless distraction from your overarching narrative and also just sending $2,000 of people It's kind of stupid like I don't see the point of that that that's just an extra complication. You don't need Replacement events occur every month at the minimum with the longest recorded time in between replacement events being exactly one year Well, sir, the statistics department has figured out that the replacement events occur at least once a month. Oh Excellent Also while we were collecting data we noticed that there was one year where no replacements events happened You just said it happened once a month. It's our full disclosure. We're not actually very good at math Oh boy These stores commonly sell anomalous food stuffs and goods referred to as scp x x x x dash one most instances of another dangerous to humans They're digestion or simply touch simply touch as opposed to complex touch So it didn't amnest to for short list of all acquired and blah blah blah Where are the staff security working in? Oh? Now we're talking about the employees instances are created at the same time as their respective blah blah blah instances are biologically the same as humans with the exception of lacking Unappendix and having a total of 12 toes so kind of like how this is similar to a good article with the exception that it's actually shit instances of scp xx x dash to Utilize dirty and underhanded methods to sell their goods. You know what that isn't that's not good clinical tone Dirty and underhanded be goddamn specific Even if the object they attempt is that will cause extreme pain or death to the customer my fucking god We went from potentially interesting to deadly in one sentence That's fucking great On one occasion attempting to sell the dismembered limbs of a deceased patron now. We're getting edgy There's unknown whether I think this is the how the law works. What's the this in that sentence is unknown whether And it thinks this is how the law works what the law works as selling Dismembered limbs of a deceased patron. That's not a law. I mean there's a law against that I think what you mean is like they think it's okay to sell limbs of dismembered patrons Oh, man That's not a sentence. I ever thought I'd say in my life. The fuck are you even talking about here? Are they the selling things dismembering people and selling them replacing supermarkets? I don't I don't know Or they are intentionally being underhanded scp xxx-2 instances display a market lack of knowledge To our reality. I think you mean of I think you accidentally need a preposition in there somewhere. Yeah Instances as people shut down after receiving any sort of legal warning legitimate or not so Everything that you've ever said about in the containment procedures or elsewhere About how to shut these down outside of legal warnings. You could just serve them a legal warning and they shut down automatically Okay, so You know, I didn't point this out in your containment procedures, but it applies here. Yeah, that was all one paragraph Why is that all one paragraph? You have multiple discrete ideas being communicated, but you just made it into one big block of text The supermarket the employees the products the legal ramifications These are all Individual discrete ideas that could be communicated in their own paragraphs with their own focus Instead, you just decided to pack all four different things into one supersize piece of shit paragraph. Stop it. Stop it right now you sir Are a word criminal and I will not be party to your butchering of the english language anymore I want you to take this and the spirit is given Please don't take it personally, but fuck you and fuck your fucking face I will note in reading the rest of your draft. I found a single piece that was Useful that had intrinsic value and honestly, I suggest you just start all over again and work from that idea A frozen box of corn dogs corn dogs resembled cartoonish dogs with small legs Corn dogs were sentient and had intelligence comparable to average dogs dogs require no feeding your care Dogs are inedible. Just do that Just fuck this thing and do that because trust me people fucking love dogs Other than that, you know what for your egregious crimes against the english language I sentenced you to stand in a supermarket check outline for the rest of your life My god have mercy on your soul