 Welcome to the 21 convention Miami, Florida. This next speaker is actually a former keynote speaker of the 21 convention but also a multiple time speaker. Super, super popular guy has changed men's lives in many different ways and I think that's very important that we today are going to get to see yet another version of the ever transforming evolving James Marshall. All right, good afternoon. When I left high school past just barely, I was considering two distinct pathways of what to do with my life. On the one hand, growing up in my teenage years, I'd been obsessed with martial arts, meditation, spirituality, as well as a bunch of writers, thinkers and travelers, the beat generation who were precursors to the hippies who'd gone on the road off to India, taking psychedelic drugs, meditating in the mountains, going on wild sexual adventures, and these were my heroes, people that I was interested in following in the footsteps of. So on the one hand, I was considering this lifestyle. On the other hand, I got it in my head that the best way to get my father's validation and approval would be to join the army. And so I applied to join the Australian Army not just as a grunt who could go in and out after a war or so but as an officer. So I was applying to join the Australian Defense Force Academy and that seemed like a good idea from a pragmatic level because there was a good dental plan and you got a university degree and you had a steady job. And this was back in the 90s before things were getting too hot in the Middle East. So it seemed like a pretty cool thing to do. And so what I did was I started going through the application to join the army. And this was when over many months and involved various stages that you had to go through. And it was kind of like the X Factor where at the end of each session they would kick out half the people and eventually the winner gets to join the army. And because I had been around army people, my father worked with the military, I understood the culture, I sort of knew how they talked, the way that they interacted with each other which was very different than the way that I was actually. There was a lot of mateship and team and no poofders and being in a tough bloke. That wasn't really me but I was able to play that game and kind of present that front. So I went to each of these application processes we had to do leadership exercises and team exercises and I kept getting through. And after each one of these I would leave with this deep boiling sinking feeling in my intestines that this was a really wrong place for me to be. Even though I was able to get in there and go, oh yes, James Marshall, Aussie bloke, yes, so on, I'd walk out of it just feeling like, this is not what I want. Because if I did get in, I would be obliged to stay in the military for at least 10 years. So I was looking down the barrel of spending my youth essentially in an institution not so well known for its free thinking ideas and a place for an artistic, weird, spiritual dude such as myself. Any case, I got to the last application which was an interview with an army psychologist. He sat me down, started asking me questions and he got to this question. He said, James, if you ever considered suicide and something inside of me just snapped, just couldn't do it anymore. And so I looked at him, I twitched a little bit and I said, well, I mean, of course, everyone's considered that, right? Like these are broad existential questions that we're looking at. I mean, what is the point of being alive or not alive? Was it Sartre who said that the only grand philosophical question was whether or not to kill yourself? Right, okay. And did you ever have any specific type of plan? Was this just a more of a vague notion? Well, I mean, of course, you don't want it to hurt, right? And I didn't want to be found by my mother or my brother or something and traumatize them for life. So, you know, something that was quick, preferably doesn't break the skin, so hanging, drowning. Right, okay, got you. And I asked a few more questions and then he said, so have you ever had any homosexual inclinations, James? And I said, well, I'm young. I mean, I wouldn't say my sexuality is defined yet. Gave him just a little half a wink. And so we concluded the interview. My best friend and I had agreed that if I didn't get in the army, both of us were going to go somewhere to a farm, worker asses off, asses off, asses off, and save up money and then go to India. We're going to hit the road and become these vagabond spiritual seekers that we had read about from the 60s and 70s. And so a couple of weeks later, I got a letter from the military. I opened it and it said, Dear Mr. Marshall, we regret and I went, oh, fuck yes, they regret to inform me whatever else they're going to say. And so I got on my bicycle, rode over to my best friend's house in the middle of the night. I don't know why I opened it in the middle of the night, but for the sake of the story, let's just say it was the middle of the night and went over to his round to the back of his house, knocked on his window. He could win out. I said, what do you want? I said, come on here. And he climbed out the window. We ran up to this hill that was behind the house and cheered into the night, lit this letter on fire, pissed on it and went, we're going to fucking India. But before we were going to India, I had to go and tell my dad. So I went to him and I said, listen, dad, I didn't get into the army. And he said, oh, yeah? Well, fuck him. What else do you want to do with your life? And I said, I want to go to India. Off you go then. And so it was that my life trajectory took the pathway that has led me to being on this stage as well as many other weird and wacky wonderful stages around the world. And if you were to look back on the series of choices that I've made over my life to get where I am, on paper, they can look like a series of major, often ridiculously stupid risks, right? So I, when I was considering choosing these pathways at the end of high school, I sat down with my career's advisor because I had to. And they asked me the same kind of questions. I said, what are you going to be doing with the other life, James, which is the voice of somebody, an Australian person who doesn't like their life? Doing with your life. And I said, oh, well, you know, either might join the army, hope not. Otherwise, I thought I'd travel around India and like learn how to meditate and then maybe start a band or something and then just do the things that I like until I figure something out. Right. Well, you do realize your scores do indicate you could go to university. And if you don't go to university after high school, you'll be a year behind your contemporaries. I said, what do you mean a year behind? Well, obviously they'd start 1998 and you'd start 1999. It's not all parties in 1999. And then they would finish earlier and then they'd enter the workforce earlier. So you'd be behind them. I said, okay, yeah, all right, I see your logic, but I don't necessarily agree with that. I think there might be something to be said for going out and exploring life first before picking something. Well, the other thing is, from my experience, that if you don't go to university, you'll possibly never go. And I said, all right, thank you. Opinion noted. That person was right. I didn't actually, I did go to college for a small amount of time, studied a few things I was interested in for a little while and then decided to quit and go and find something practical that I could use to further myself in my life. So what ended up happening was that I chose a life that was very different from the status quo from the previous generations designs or roadmap for success. And the main points that I want to make in this speech today is loosely about lifestyle design, looking at how to, which is what is being called like the modern phrase, which used to be just called doing things you like doing, having some fun, having a fun life. And now is lifestyle design in a package so we can sell it. But what I want to talk about is the way that you can make choices in your life. And this speech is for young guys out there because I get a lot of guys contact to me, ask me what should they do with their lives. And I don't necessarily want to be responsible for men quitting university or real jobs and going out to going to India. I'm not necessarily saying that's the best thing to do. But I do want people to start thinking in terms of what are their real options and that it's not necessarily the riskiest thing to go out and live a life that is on your own terms. Our parents generation, our grandparents generation came from very different economic socio-political times. And back in my parents generation, it made sense, more or less, that if you were a working class, middle class, unless you were born into extreme wealth, it was a good idea to study hard, get involved in a job that seemed stable, and stay there for multiple decades. Buy a house early in the city that you were brought up in and get married and have kids. That was the way things were done. And it did equate that if you studied hard, worked hard, were pragmatic that likely you were going to succeed. Things these days are very, very different. There are still some industries where that is like the correct thing, I guess, or makes sense to do. And I work with a lot of these guys as a dating coach, a lot of analytical thinkers, a lot of engineers, IT guys, finance guys, those areas that, yeah, there's still plenty of work out there for. But in terms of life satisfaction, maybe that those things are deficient. However, in my opinion, as someone who accidentally became a digital nomad, accidentally became a successful entrepreneur, because I was never planning to do those things. I was planning to follow passions that I were interested in, which originally was martial arts. So that meant that I had to go to China, because that's where the masters were that I wanted to learn from. So instead of doing what a lot of my contemporary male friends did, buying cars, sometimes buying houses, getting themselves, saddling themselves with lots of debt in order to try and project a certain status to the world around them, I put my limited resources into travel and finding masters and teachers that I wanted to learn from. So it was that I went to the ends of the earth to find the teachers that were really meant something to me. My other passion in life was playing the flute, which I play very nicely. And so I started a weird wacky funk band, which was never going to work in terms of becoming famous, because I was several decades too late for that. Before I been brought up in the 70s in San Francisco or fucking LA, then maybe that would have worked, but I was too late for that. However, that was what I wanted to do. That was an expression of my passion. And moving from these kind of odd choices to odd choice, what I did was I recognized that there was certain time and places to experiment with this kind of stuff, and that there was also a time to let it go and move on. Because I did notice playing music for many years that girls would have sex with a guy who might become famous, but they don't want to have sex with a guy who's definitely not going to become famous. There's nothing sadder than seeing that 39-year-old guy rocking out in the local pub still just living the dream, still just holding on to that, that it's someday it's going to work. I spent 10 years playing in a weird wacky funk band, and I was obsessed with that. That was my life's purpose. And at a certain point I realized, okay, if I keep doing this, this is going to get sad. It's been really fun and interesting up until this point, but I need to shift and change. I developed over time the abilities that eventually led me into becoming a really effective entrepreneur, which the first one was being able to recognize that if you can go lean and be mobile, then you can move towards where the greatest opportunities are. And I say this as a warning to men out there who are following very traditional pathways that often involve them getting involved in long-term debt in very expensive economies. The modern American male, if he wants to go to college, is likely to be in a good college, is likely to be walking away with, what is it, 60, 100 grand worth of debt, something like that. One thing you should note is that you don't actually have to do it here. If you want to, you can go to Germany and they'll more or less pay for your education. I don't know if the Germans want me to tell you that. If they're like, no, we've got enough trouble with the Syrians and now we're going to send the Americans over as well. But the truth is you can get very cheap education over there. I live most of the time in Budapest in Hungary, and it's interesting to see these waves of American students coming over there to study medicine because it's five times cheaper than doing it in the States and just as good. So the first thing is in order to be an effective modern male, one of the best things to be able to do is to think firstly nationally and then globally and to take advantage of the fact that this is an amazing time and place to be alive if you use it well. It's also a really difficult time and place to be alive if you are stationary, if you cannot pick yourself up and move to places where the opportunities are better. When I first started playing music, I was born and brought up in a city called Canberra, which is the capital city of Australia. Sounds cool when you say capital, but it's not at all a cool place. One of the most boring cities on the planet, the only people there are public servants and heron addicts and sometimes they're the same thing, but there's nothing much going on there. And myself and my crew started our band there. We got to the top of the scene, which meant not a lot. And at some point we realized that if we wanted to go anywhere else, there were systemic limitations to our location. And that's a really important thing to note, especially for people who are involved in, or everyone, but guys who are involving themselves in entrepreneurship, positive thinking, self-development. There's a lot that's talked about in terms of your mindsets, which is very important. It is very important to cultivate positive, effective mindsets. But it is also important to be realistic and recognize when the place you're in does not support you. For me, at that time, that was not the place in Australia to be playing music. For a lot of guys who want to have some kind of artistic pursuit or entrepreneurial pursuit or want to be in a world where free creative thinking is fostered and supported, then your second, third, fourth-tier city, where people do as told, is not necessarily the environment that you want to be in. Who's heard the saying that you basically are or resonate at the same frequency as the five people that you spend most of the time with? I don't know if I said the quote exactly right, but you get the idea. The people that you hang around with and are with most of the time, you tend to operate at that similar level. The people that I grew up with and still love to this day as close friends are not the people that I'm traveling the world with having crazy and wild, interesting adventures with, because those people have chosen lives that are stationary, that are simpler, more predictable, or whatever they've chosen, but the point being that if you want to be excellent in any field, one of the things you're going to need to do is move to a place where excellence is encouraged. There's a new archetype for masculinity, which has kind of appeared roughly around the time when Tim Ferriss wrote his book, The 4-Hour Workweek. Is there anyone who has not read this book in the room? Okay. Oh, there's a few. All right. Well, this archetype of a modern playboy entrepreneur, which differs from the successful male of say like the 80s, which was the Wall Street guy with the nice watch and the fast car, is more exemplified by a man who is pursuing excellence internally in terms of his mindsets, physically in terms of the way that he uses his body, and then is hacking all sorts of systems in order to optimize what he gets out of life. So the 4-Hour Workweek laptop entrepreneur, modern male, when he gets up in the morning, does something along the lines of drinking his bulletproof coffee, stretching for 30 minutes, 28 minutes is the most optimal length of time to stretch, opens his laptop, does a little bit of this, makes a few K, closes the laptop, then goes and does his workout, which is optimized perfectly so that not a single motion or calorie is wasted. Then, and he's doing this on a beach in Thailand or in Costa Rica or somewhere where it's, you know, beautiful and sunny, and then goes and eats some awesome paleo food with the right level of macro micronutrients. And then what he does the rest of the day, I'm not exactly sure, because he's just got so much time to spend, and then goes to his evening routine where he has apple cider vinegar with some honey and listens to some meditation stuff that pulses in various ways and makes you meditate like a monk, and then falls into a blissful smug sleep of knowing that it not a second was wasted in that day. And I'm not making fun of that archetype because that is, well, I'm not, look, I'm not doing what I did. I mean, this is actually a great model for a man compared to what the one of the, what 80s and 90s was of like, we're a card, play hard, snort cocaine, bang hookers or something like that. This is a, you know, this is a cool model because what it, what is this using is using the resources and the knowledge of all of western and eastern psychology and certain health and all sorts of things in order to live a life that's excellent. All right, it's a cool model. And people sometimes ask me, James, what's your morning routine? And I'm like, well, sometimes I get up in the morning and then I do whatever I feel like doing. I'm actually somebody who is incredibly undisciplined, who has no routine, except for the fact that I always get what I said I'm going to do done. All right, that's, that's kind of, that's the way that I've managed to operate. I get up at all sorts of different times, they had all sorts of different things. I try to eat healthy. I do stretch, not every single day, most days. I do work out not every day, but most days. I am, do try to use optimizing techniques in all sorts of areas, including my business. But my, I've never been able to maintain a really heavy discipline that follows an extreme set of steps to get the, the most out of life. And that's just the way I do things. So I'm not necessarily the best model for someone looking to find optimizing routines. But the thing about this archetype is I've taught lots of guys who fit into this category because it works for some guys, they go out and they figure out how to work from a laptop, or how to have skills that are mobile and move around the world, which is something I think is fucking amazing and awesome. Photographers, but massage therapists, life coaches, all sorts of guys who do something on the internet and money appears. These, these guys are often my clients. And also I bump into a lot of these different guys through my travels and my, my work. And one thing I've noticed is that as effective as they may be, there is something missing in this archetype, something very vital missing in it, which is that sitting on a beach in Thailand, doing all that stuff is really lonely if you don't have a crew around you, is really unfulfilling if you're not actually able to like integrate into the society that you've decided to move and become part of. And especially if you're not able to go out and meet women and bring them into your life. Now I don't want to get down on Tim Ferriss, but anytime I see him talking about his lifestyle and his routine, there seems to be a severe lack of women in the picture, right? Being able to know that at 906 you go to bed with your tonic. Where does the sex and the hanging out with the chick fit into that exactly? I'm not so sure. It's a very individualistic and solo pursuit, a lot of this stuff because it's really around optimizing the individual, which is all well and good, but it doesn't take into account our most basic and pressing needs beyond those of survival, which is community, which is feelings of significance, which is feelings of connection, and of course, which is feelings of sexual satisfaction and intimacy with a partner. In my mind, the absolute most important skill that a man can learn, whether he wants, whether he's going to stay in one city and have a normalish kind of life, or whether he wants to hit the road and be bouncing around the world taking the best of what's available out there, the number one skill that a man must learn is seduction. It is not an optional skill. It is not a hobby. It is not something that you just pick up when you're a young guy to just get laid a bunch of times and then put down again, because my definition of seduction competency is not hustling drunk girls into bed night after night in trashy one night stands. That may be an element of it, or that may be something that you go through at some point in your life, but seductive skill is the ability to have choice. Is the ability to go and see that woman over there and go, okay, everyone looks at the back. There's no woman there. That one there. That one that I want to talk to once. Not you, Liam. To go over there and make a good impression and try and get something started, because without it, you are going to be living in scarcity. Most men, although they may live in a major metropolis, are essentially living in a small village when it comes to the choices they have with women. And they are choosing from a very, very small pool, and therefore the likelihood of finding the one or the right one for that time is not existent, which means that they're often going to get into shitty relationships with girls that are not right for them. They may be right. The girl and he may be right for other people. It doesn't mean they're awful human beings. It just means they're not right for each other. And so I've met a lot of these digital entrepreneurs who are lonely because they're doing all the stuff and it's working in a sense, okay, I've got the money and I've got muscles and I feel healthy, but here I am, maneuvering around the world with a severe lack of actual purpose. So what I want to move on to is looking at how is it that you can develop social networks, friendships, and of course relationships with people in the most effective for our dating work week kind of way. Firstly, have a think about your best friend. And if anyone's there going, like, we'll go and make one. Yeah. How is it that you knew or you know that that person is your best friend? Does anyone want to say anything about that? How do you know? Yeah. Okay. Through all the stuff you've been through together. Let's look at that as a concept. On the other side, all of you have had a situation where you've been involved in, you've been thrown in with a bunch of people for work or a sports team or university or something like that. And you hang out with those people socially as well and you find that within that group that there's some people you click with and then so after work drinks or barbecues on Sunday or whatever people do when they're part of groups. And you have a friendship. And this friendship may last for years. But the moment that you move away, the season ends or the university ends or the reason for you guys to hang out together ends, so does the friendship. And you just waft off into Facebook, you know, acquaintances. Why is it that you weren't, you may have been with those people for many years. Why is it that you're not friend really, actually friends with those people as opposed to the best friend? Any quick idea? Yeah. Okay. So the environment, okay. The environment shifts and changes. But I mean, my best friend and I live very, very different lives now. He's a busker in Australia. Very good songwriter, singer and plays music on the streets. And I'm me. Yet I still consider that person to be my absolute best friend. Now, the reason that I have such a strong relationship with that person is because of all the things that we did for each other. It's all of the investments that we made in each other. And those were various types of currencies. So I'm going to talk to you guys about a concept I call the seductive economy, which is the exchange of non-financial currencies with other people in order to create bonds with them. Because the way that you actually create, particularly between men, strong relationships, is through debts and favors. The reason why the relationship in the sports team dissolves after the end of the sporting season is because you guys didn't invest anything in each other aside from time spent around each other, right? You may have been civil, you may have been friendly, you hang out, you drink beer, you do whatever you're doing together. But there has been no real stretch on either side. I know that if I call up my best buddy and say, hey man, can you help me move a house? Because I need a strong man to lift a fridge. He's going to say yes because he and I have been moving each other's fridges for a decade. Because the way that we develop, especially those friendships in the early years of high school and college, when people are thrown in and they're working together on projects, they're assisting each other. It's when people don't have a lot of cash that people are bailing each other out. The number of times that we've lent money to each other or crashed on each other's couches or bought each other a meal when someone was broke, these things accumulate as levels of investment which leads into trust. So it's quite difficult as you get older to make new guy friends. Has anyone ever tried to take a guy on a date? It's weird. When you meet some dude and you kind of like him and you want to spend some more time with him and then you're like, do I call him? Do I wait three days? How do I do this? It's kind of awkward. And as a result, most people's social circles, it's not the only reason, but most people's social circles tend to diminish after that early time when people are all social and thrown in together in university or early workforce. And over time that calcifies into a small core group of friends, which is fine if you're living with a core group of really progressive, interesting, outgoing, intuitive, open-minded people, but sucks if you're hanging around the same guys that you were hanging around in high school who are still just smoking bongs and watching TV and whinging and whining about their lives. Because yes, you do resonate more or less at the frequency of those groups that you're hanging around. And men operate best when they are in tribal group units of six detainees men who support each other, who have levels of reciprocal altruism or cross connections. And then they also wither and die when they're in groups that don't support each other correctly. The three main types of groups of males that I've noticed are ones where the limitations are what hold people together. And it's really important that you take stock of your own personal groups that you hang around with, figure out are they a group that where the connecting pieces are your limitations. And by that I mean whinging and whining together, wasting time together, distracting each other, abusing each other's bodies, right? These kinds of groups are very, very common. And if you're operating in that group it's very hard to break out of it. Other ones are where there are fairly strict hierarchies, which is where there is an alpha male or someone who's kind of in charge and then there are people who fit into subordinate roles right down to the people at the bottom who are there as comic relief or to be teased or to be taken advantage of. And these are also common groupings that you'll find with males, right? Where being part of the group means that you have to fit within a hierarchy and defer to one particular person. This is also very unhealthy group to be a part of unless you're the guy at the top and the guy at the top is not going to be inspired to move any further anyway. And then there are really powerful effective groups where there is a shifting dynamic of hierarchy and the thing that holds the group together is reciprocal trade, is an exchange of these non-financial currencies, which I'll talk about in a moment, in order for all the people in the group to benefit. I've been a leader of multiple groups now for many years. Originally we had funk bands then moving into various business ventures, which led me into building the natural lifestyles, which is now a 13-person crew spanning with people in Singapore and Serbia in Austria, Australia and wherever it is that the coaches are bouncing around at any time. The only way that I'm able to hold this dynamic group together as a leader is understanding that the best way to get what you want is to make sure that everyone around you is getting what they want. And that the best way to have a group that is solid and works together is to make sure that everyone's self-esteem, bank account and happiness is rising with yours. And so the group that I hold together, although I am the boss, I'm also very willing to subordinate myself to other members of the group depending on the needs of the group. For example, one of us brings a girl home and currently myself and the coaches mostly live together, so this happens a lot. In a group where there's a rigid hierarchy or where there is a mutual knocking down of each other constantly, what happens when the dude brings the girl in? There's bickering. The guys start teasing each other. They make fun of the dude who's brought the girl home. They sit in the lounge room around there while he's trying to make a move on it. All of these kinds of immature, masculine behaviors, which means that if he fucks up, they fuck up the chances for the guy and also in the minds of the woman, she perceives going into that group as this is not a group of guys that I necessarily want to hang around. When any one of us brings a girl into the group in my world, instantly I shift from being the boss to being the polite and slightly bumbling friend who's just going to grab your cup of tea if you'd like it. I'm not trying to be cool. I'm not trying to impress. I'm not trying to show that I am Alpha, anything like that. I'm immediately subordinating myself to Liam or Tony who ever came in with the girl because I know that's going to make it easier for him to get the job done and it's going to mean that the girl walking into this environment goes, oh yeah, this is a cool place to be. These guys are fun. They're interesting, but they're not hitting on me and they've all left us alone so we can make out on the couch. We had recently a situation where Tony brought a girl home and some guys had been working on the house and they'd taken the door off his room. He walked in with a girl and then there's no door on his room which he wasn't expecting. In a shitty bro house, people would be like, check it out, no door. Sucks to be you. We'll just be standing here watching. Instead, Liam instantly went into his room, kicked the sex toys and condoms under the bed and fluffed the sheets and turned the light down low and just went, Tony, your room gets your room, remember, and then gets the fuck out of there. Meaning, of course, the Tony gets laid and his job as real wingman is actually done because what does it mean to be an actual wingman? It's not the dude you stand next to in the bar waiting to approach chicks. That's like half a percent of what a real wingman is. It's the guy that has your back at every turn because you know that both of you have each other's back at every turn, meaning that everybody wins over time. If you've enjoyed this video so far and perhaps watched other videos of mine from the 21 convention, you may be interested in finding out about my home study course which is released now and it's called The Five Principles of Natural Seduction. Over the course of the last 15 years of my own personal development in terms of lifestyle design, interchange, and seduction and 10 years of coaching, I have put together an incredible system for development when it comes to natural seduction. Without the need to have cheesy lines or tricks or weird hypnotherapy techniques or anything like that, to be able to present yourself in a way that is authentic, clear, and natural. If you want to find out about this home study course which runs over five weeks, you just need to click the link below. You'll be taken to a page with full details. And now back to my presentation. So how is it if you want to fast track building new social networks? Because if you're doing a stocktake of yours and going, it's not so good. And the guys may be lovely people. They may be dudes that you'd like to hang around but they're not go-getters. They're not guys who are going to go out and hit on girls regularly. They're not necessarily people that have got the same passion and vision that you do. So you want to go and find new networks because it is really vitally important. Just being that laptop entrepreneur by yourself on the beach is not the end point. Having networks of men around you and not just one but having multiple ones within your own city and then starting to think nationally and globally if you can and reaching those out around the world means that eventually you can set up syndicates of these groups of guys around the world. This is what I currently do and I call it the international couch mafia which was developed when I first came to the 21 convention in 2011. I think it was in London. I was broke and I was staying on the couch of some friend of a fans who was way out in Whistle Wasleworth, some place where you didn't want to be, well out of the center of London. And so I came in, did my speech and then I met the artist formerly known as Sasha Daygame who's now going by his real name. Everyone knows who Sasha is surely? Yes? I hope so. He's a very funny and lovely person. And we met after the speech and we chatted and we got on well. And this is the underlying point of the seductive economy is that there needs to be, if you want to learn how to supercharge your connections with people, it's not about this kind of surface level networking where I go and I force a smile and I hand a business card and I said let's do a deal sometime. The underlying currency that everybody wants, that everybody really wants to trade on is being understood, listen to, having connection. It's the human emotions that are the most valuable. The reason why I am so seductive or so successful as a people person is not because I have the best game, I don't. It's because when I'm with somebody I drop into my own space and into their space I look them clearly in the eyes and I stay with them. And then when I ask them something I listen. When they tell me something I'm really present with them. I don't just say what they want to hear, I'll challenge them. And in this way I'm having a true connection with somebody. This is again why the skill of seduction is the ultimate male skill. Anyone had the experience where they've seen someone in their workplace who is not the best at the job climb faster than everyone else. He's like over there he's like fuck that guy. Or was that you? Or was it some other guy? That guy, right. The people that do the best in life are not the people who are necessarily the greatest specialists at their thing. It's the people who do the job well and are really, really good people people. Yeah, they're very good human communicators. Because the reality is the boss wants to hang around with somebody probably that they like to hang around with that they understand like when I've hired coaches in the past, yes it's based on seduction skill, but I've met some guys who are fucking killers with the ladies and I don't want to hang around them. They just look at me in a strange way. They're just a little bit too something, just something feels wrong and so I don't want to be around them. And then I've met other guys who are definitely very good with ladies, good at teaching and we vibe and connect and I want to spend time with that person. So the underlying currency of the seductive exchange is true human emotions. However, in order for us to cement those relationships and speed them up, then what I can do is utilize these four actions or a combination of them to ask to offer to trade and to collaborate. Right, because as I said before, if there's no reaching out of me giving something or actually asking for something or swapping of these currencies, then it doesn't really hold men together properly. Men build their social circles based around trust, loyalty. If you're in a group of dudes and you fuck your friend's girlfriend, it's over. If you steal his cash, it's over. These are the deal breakers between groups of men typically and groups of men are suspicious of other groups of men. They either go into allyship with them or they're in competition with them. And it's important that this group has a solid understanding of what the code is. And a lot of that comes to do with the only way that we can understand that this is real is to test it. That's why when I hire somebody, I give them little opportunities to fuck me over for a year. I'll give them access to small amounts of money or connections or girls and see what they do with it. Because in the past, I have been fucked over by people who are very, very charming and promised the world, but over time, you see where their true colors are. So if you want to step out and create new dynamic social networks, then the first thing you need to do is target the gatekeepers. Because in any social scene, there are people who are the entranceway to that group. And they're often people who are very social. Social butterflies, they enjoy connecting people, they're outgoing, they're open, and they understand the scene or the group that they're working within. And that's what I've done multiple times in my life. When I first moved to Melbourne with my band, we were a nobody band. We had a VHS tape of some grainy footage of us playing in some local pubs. We had a shitty demo CD and we had this A3 paper that I had printed all the articles from the little tiny newspapers that said, oh, a decent funk band on their way up in the local scene. And that was our proof. I put this into a folder and that was our press kit. And so when we first arrived to Melbourne, we moved the band there, all living out in the suburbs in a shitty house together trying to make it. And we'd go around to all the bars and I'd hand it to the, usually it was the guy who poured the beers and booked the bands. And we're like, oh, yeah, we're a local, we're a band. We moved from Canberra and, you know, give us a shot. And more than once, they literally just dropped it in the bin as, you know, in front of me. And when they didn't, they put it in a pile of 30 other demo CDs from every other wannabe band. And we just couldn't get a gig. And so I was really starting to lose it, trying to think, okay, how are we going to do this? I need to somehow differentiate myself from everyone else out there who's trying to do this. And so I thought, what's the band that is most like us stylistically? And it is is the top of the scene. It was a cool band at the time called Brown Hornet. They're lots of fun. And I found out that their, their manager also worked as a barman at the local bar. I found out roughly when he, when he worked a little bit stalkerish, but I was, it was all right. I went in on a Tuesday afternoon once and I introduced myself and I said, hey, man, listen, you don't know me. But I've got a band, we're from Canberra. We're pretty cool. I know that doesn't mean anything to you right now. But I'm really having a struggling trying to figure out the music scene here. And what I would love to do is buy you lunch and sit down with you for an hour and pick your brains on how this works here. Would that be cool? So what I did is I came in and I offered something and asked for something at the same time. And this, it's interesting. I'm now in that position of that bar manager. Today I get asked all the time, guys just write me on Facebook and they just say, there's this one girl and then they launch into asking me for free seduction advice. Yeah, or they say, I want to be a dating coach. How do I, how do I sign up? And I'm like, Jesus, dudes, like to understand that if you want to approach someone who has, who is in an area much further along than you are, you're going to have to offer something straight away because they don't need you. And that was what I understood with that guy is like, okay, I've got to offer him something. What have I got is being friendly and lunch. Those are the currencies that I had to offer at the time. And he said, forget about fucking lunch. Let's just buy me some beers and we'll have a chat. If you want to bring some beers over, I live around the corner or come around after my shift, which thinking back now was a bit of a dodgy offer actually bring some drinks over young boy and we'll talk. But he was a nice man. He was a gentleman. And so I did. That's no, no, just bring some alcohol over and we'll talk. So I spent the last 20 bucks I had bought a six pack and I don't even like beer, but I knew I'd have to drink it went around to this guy's house sat down and I didn't just go, here's your beer. All right, so I'm ready. I traded on the human currency of actually chatting and talking to him and figuring out what was going on in his life and what was what was of interest to him and here's a beer. And then I said, so anyway, can you tell me about like, what's the best way to get shows in town? And he said, all right, man, you're doing it all wrong. You can't just fucking drop demos and explain basically what needed to be done. And then he said, anyway, so do you have a CD of your band here? I said, well, actually, just so happens that I do have one here, put it on a list. And he said, yeah, it's not bad. Tell you what, what are you doing next Friday? I said, anything you want. And he said, well, if your band's free, I'm like, we're free. And you want to support Brown Hornet went fuck. Yes. All right. And so it was from that position that we got our first gig straight from zero to supporting the best band of that type in the local scene. And from there. And he said, very importantly, he said, make sure you bring a few people down. You know, the bar really, it's really important to the bar that you've got people drinking there. So I made sure my band made sure that we talked, we got every single person we knew in that city, beg them and just blackmail them or whatever we had to do to get them to come to that show. We managed to bring 40 people along, which meant the bar was happy, the room was full. We played a good show. And so we had then balanced this initial debt. And so that guy then said, and the venue went, okay, those guys, we can bank on them. Yeah, let's get them back. I asked, I offered, I traded, and then we collaborated. And as a result, trust was built. And a leg up was was started. Right. This is a really important thing to understand. When when I met Sasha at that first 21 convention, he was chatting and he said, where are you staying? And I said, I out in, fuck knows where. And he said, why don't you just come in? And he said like this, why don't you just come and stay in my fucking couch. And I said, okay, I'll come. And so I went grab my bags because he lived right in the center. And I came and stay on his couch. And we stayed up all night chatting and getting to know each other really well. And then the next morning I said, is there a good place for breakfast around here? He said, yeah, took him down. And I bought him breakfast. As all gentlemen should in the morning. And he said, what do you have to do? I said, no, no, you saved me 100 pounds last night. Like, I'm just going to buy you breakfast. And that was again, what I could by that time, I had this implanted as part of the way that I do things in life. I ask whenever I want something, if there's somebody that I need something from, I go and I ask them. And then I make sure whether or not it's immediately, or whether it's soon, that I balance that by giving something back to them. Something that is of value to them. Because in the ideal situation, you want to be like the Godfather, which is where you've got heaps of a currency that people find really valuable that's really cheap for you to give away. Right. So I because then you have the most leverage in life. If you have lots of something that everyone wants, it doesn't cost you much to give it away and it's valuable to other people. That means you can afford to take chances on all sorts of people by throwing these pennies out and seeing when people give stuff back in return. And all of you have those currencies now, whether or not you understand it or not. Because simple stuff like a smile, like a clear looking in the eye and a proper handshake from asking somebody from it for the difference between asking somebody, how you've been to tell me what's going on for you lately. And actually listening. That's real currency. People care about that and makes a difference because now they feel significant. They feel heard. They feel understood. And then there's all sorts of other ones. Advice. My entire life, livelihood is based around a currency that is really cheap for me to give away, which is advice on how to get women. Because I can keep ranting and spewing it out indefinitely. And people pay me many thousands of dollars to learn it because it's incredibly valuable to them. And so for the guys that are trying to step out of their small town or out of the or move away from a job that they hate or move into social circles which are more dynamic, where there's more interesting things happening, where there's pretty girls and fun parties and all that stuff happening, you need to understand that you're going to have to trade your way up to it. A couple of years ago, two Austrian young guys, 22 year old guys, contacted me because somewhere on my website, I completely forgotten, we had a section of employment, the natural lifestyles employment. And we put on there that we were looking for media guys, camera guys and editors. And I'd forgotten about this. And I got this email from these guys saying that, hello, my name is Dominic and Alex and we are two Austrians and we are very efficient and we would like to come and work for you. We are good with cameras and web design and so on. And they made an offer to me. And I ignore them, not because I'm nasty, just because I usually ignore everyone the first time they contact me because I know that mostly they don't ever contact again. They don't want it bad enough. If a guy applies to become a dating coach with me, all I say is, send me three articles that you've written about or you write three articles about your philosophies and send me three videos of you talking to girls. And in all the years that I've been doing this, only one guy has ever done that. Tony Solo and that's why he's a coach. Because I test them to see, okay, what currency have you got to give to me and do you actually really care and really want this? So I ignore these guys for a while and then one day we realized that we really needed some photos right now. And we needed a photo shoot done. We were living at Budapest at the time and then I went, oh, there's these guys in Austria keep bothering me. And so I wrote to them. I said, can you be in Budapest on Saturday? We need to do a photo shoot. So you would have to book us a studio. We don't have any cameras, bring some cameras. And that's it. And they made it happen. These guys rocked up. So it came from Vietta, arrived in Budapest, went to this photo shoot. It was good. We looked afterwards. I was like, okay, these guys did what they say they would do. And they're competent at their job and they're fun and interesting guys to be around. Okay, cool. Now you're interns. Two years later, those guys are traveling around the world with us flying drones over New York City, getting to hang around with arguably the best seduction crew that ever walked the earth and having a fucking amazing lifestyle. And it was only a month or two ago that one of them admitted to me that when they came to Budapest, they had never done a studio photo shoot before. When they said they were photographers, they were Instagram photographers. They were guys who took some photos of each other in the park doing these kinds of things. They'd never done that. But they had the balls and the audacity to pitch something to somebody that they weren't quite ready for, but to pull it off. Because then he said, as soon as I said, yes, next Saturday, they spent that week researching on the internet and putting a butcher's paper on the wall and trying to figure out how to do a studio photo shoot and made it happen enough to fool us. So at the end of it, we're like, it was pretty good. These guys are good photographers. And since then, they've become excellent photographers, amazing at the skill of infill photography, which is a really difficult skill of being out of film from the hip whilst looking at your phone to try and capture seduction in field and great at flying drones. And they're awesome. Now we're creating really amazing content. So once again, these were the guys that were people people. They were guys that had audacity and humility and who offered something to somebody who didn't need them. And as a result, got to jump in way up the top of where they, like the alternative of being 22 and trying to figure out all of the entrepreneurship stuff that I have figured out to be able to figure out all of the seduction stuff that this crew has would literally have taken a decade. And instead, they get to supercharge that right to the top. If you want to be an entrepreneur, you want to be a guy who's living outside of the matrix and is unplugged from the general status quo, you don't have to be the boss and you don't have to do it alone. That's something that is important to note. That you can, if you can jump in on a, particularly on something that's on its way up, a group of people or a business or a social crew that is on the up, that's a really good place to get in on it. Because once they've made it, then it's often hard to jump in. But to move in on a group that is coalescing that it's a startup that's figuring out its, its role and that is creating success as a point where it's creating income or it's creating social success, then you don't have to do it all alone. If you come in and go, here's what I've got to offer and here's what I want, then you can jump multiple levels in a short amount of time. Nice guys, offer and don't ask for anything returned. They hope they're going to get something in return. Our souls take and don't offer anything in return and Liam's going to talk more about that in his speech. The slash and burn of like being someone who's charming and then getting stuff out of people and then moving on, I could have done that with Sasha that night, like, yeah, free night on the couch, fuck you buddy, I'm out of here. Yeah, instead because I, I mean it's not that he would have cared either way about the breakfast, but because I'd bought him breakfast and then we both did an interview for each other straight away to put on each other's channels and then at that time I was having trouble filling the Euro tour and then he's like, well, I want to come on that and Steve said, I want to come on that and so they pulled together a student or two and jumped on with me and then made that work for me and for them. This meant that friendships were forged very, very fast. All right, this is the way to create cultures and tribes of men very fast that have extreme loyalty to each other, that have each other's back at every turn is through this seductive economy. Another thing that's important to note when you're starting to look at, okay, I want to start to create a culture, create a group of men that is proactive, that is going out to meet girls or to create a lifestyle that's interesting, is the ideal group is like the X-Men. It has multiple characters in it because if you're hanging around just the same type of people, even if they're really proactive and interesting people, nice people or whatever, if they're all introverted or analytical thinkers, if they're all in one sphere of work, then you are fairly limited by what you know, who you know. And we see this, most groups are fairly homogenous. They're the same race, the same age, the same work that they're doing, similar kinds of temperaments. The groups that I have built and moved into and hung out with over the last 10 years have all sorts of different characters. And these are an ideal tribe of men, includes a macro-thinker, a micro-thinker, extroverts, introverts, someone who is really good at connecting with people one-on-one, someone who is a social butterfly, who's good at holding the attention of groups. And if you look at the groups that I hang out with, I'm the macro-thinker and the person that makes deep connection with people one-on-one. Liam is very extroverted, he's very good at dealing with group dynamics, and he's also a deal-maker, somebody who finds out what somebody's good at and immediately brings them into the fold and gets something happening with them. He's also the guy that as soon as an idea appears, he takes action on it, whereas I'm actually more of a cautious thinker and I'll plan and plot things for too long. So he and I work really well as a team together. The idea appears, Liam's like, let's do it immediately and I go, hang on a minute buddy, let's think about it. And then we think about it a little bit and then we do it immediately. Tony Solo, who's one of our coaches, is an absolute workhorse, incredibly disciplined person who once he gets something in his mind moves meticulously and moves in a linear way. Then we bring in outside plug-ins such as Gareth Jones, who you guys would have all seen a couple of days ago, who is an amazing people person, very, very social, very good at keeping a party going, great social butterfly, and so on. So in amongst that group, it means that we have access to all different types of people, all different ways of thinking, and of course it has the advantage that when a woman comes into that group, it's really fun. It's really a dynamic place to be because if you want to just be one of those lone wolf seducers, and I have met guys like that who really just, you know, they're American psycho seducers where they just go out meticulously, do their game, bring the girl back to the cave, have sex with her, and then do their push-ups and look at themselves in the mirror. That, I mean, it can work and it's, and if you're looking at the two ways of getting girls into your life which most men work on, one of them is to try and build a social circle that's like some kind of Venus flytrap which attracts women into it. And that was the old way of doing things where you would try and become part of a social scene, join a band, that's why I started music, was try and get girls because, okay, there would be girls in the vicinity. And I've worked with clients who've owned nightclubs, owned modeling agencies, owned hairdressing salons in places where there's lots of girls, and it has the effect of bringing people into the social orbit, but it doesn't actually close a deal. It's not enough in and of itself. And then on the other side, you have the guys that only do cold approach and it's just about them and the girl each time. If you want to learn to be the most effective seducer possible, then what you want to do is both those things. You must be able to see a girl that you like somewhere on the bus in the park, wherever, go over there and make an impact, otherwise you are limited to a very scarce pool of choices. But at the same time, if you can do that and then bring a girl into a social circle, which is fun and interesting and dynamic and where the men respect each other, and when you walk in with the girl that everyone has your back, then that makes your job so much easier. Because, of course, at the end of the day, the girl is going to be interested in you. That's what you know, if she's going to have sex with you or start a relationship, it's because of you. But it certainly doesn't hurt having a group where she comes into it and it's interesting where there's people who are holding more of the social atmosphere together. And that's, I know for me, I'm not very good at that in big groups. That's not my, I mean I can stand up in front of a big group and talk, but holding together big social groups is not my forte. But having someone like Liam or Gareth around means that that element is done for me. So I can bring the girl in and then the social circle act as a seduction washing machine and out the other end comes a relationship. So whether you're in a situation where you are living a fairly standard life where you're working in a job in one city and you want to stay there, and you, I mean that is totally a fine option, or whether you are someone who's thinking, okay, how can I take advantage of the planet? How can I start to maneuver and leverage my resources? Which is, I think the best time and place to be able to do that is now on this planet. This is the only time where travel is so incredibly cheap where through the power of the internet you can create dynamic networks around the world before you've even moved to a place. When I moved my business from Melbourne, Australia to Eastern Europe, the decision, although it seemed like a big risky one in the sense I was moving to a country where I didn't understand the culture, didn't speak the language, had very limited resources arriving, it was actually a very smart decision because the cost of living there is a third of what it is in Australia. I could afford to live double the lifestyle and still have more capital to invest in my business. It was central to the to the rest of the world whereas Australia's at the fucking bottom of it, well 24 hours away from anywhere, even though it's a kind of it's a strong economy, it's did not have the opportunities that move into Europe allowed me. So whether or not you want to take advantage of this amazing globalized world or you want to be in a position where you're making your own city work for you then it is important to take a stock take of your social world and recognize that doing it alone is actually the hardest way. Of course at the end of the day you need to have personal vision, you need to have your own plan and you need to be able to let people just go if they're not going to come with you and join but building an X-Men crew that is going to support you in your seduction in your business in your lifestyle goals is absolutely vital to do and it can be done very very fast if you target the people and sometimes it's not even about going into going into a super cool group it's looking around and going all right I need to find one other guy who wants to go and pick up girls one that I like that I enjoy spending time with I want to find two other people that want to build a social night all right that want to put on a picnic and bring some girls to it they want to you know put on events or start a small business or whatever it is that you're deciding to do and then use the seductive economy to supercharge that ask offer trade collaborate make sure that if you in debt to somebody that you pay them back make sure that if you offer something that you ask them for something in return and see and you'll just see that you'll see very quickly where people's boundaries are you'll recognize very quickly that okay I gave a little to this person asked them for something they kind of fucked me over on the deal all right I'll distance that person doesn't mean I need to cut them out of my life necessarily but okay that is not the person that's going to roll with me or I've asked a favor of someone who is higher in the social strata or has got access to a world that I want to be part of and I've gone in there and audaciously asked for something make sure I make it worth their while and in this way these these bonds of trust will start to be created because at the end of the day sitting on the beach with the laptop with your amazing muscles and your perfect health but doing it alone with no chicks no friends sucks so that's all I have time for I'm going to open it up for questions thank you all right James Marshall who has got questions I know earlier in your speech about great speech by the way you were talking about men who make good wingmen and men who basically just suck where do you find in the 20s age bracket men that don't suck to be friends with sure one thing is you don't only have to be friends with people your own age my the groups of people that I hang out with are from a vast range of ages and I think that's really important especially as you get older it's good to hang around people who are younger it keeps your mind young and like when I first started rolling with seduction I was what I did was I went out and just tried to meet dudes and I did that initially through online forums so seduction forums layers and there's a lot of strange people in those those places for sure but I met some guy that we sort of had a link with and then we went out and rolled together and then I met some other dude who was out and I saw him gaming and I went over and talked to him and then started you know a friendship that way so basically it took me because I remember I was 26 at the time and I had six friends in the city that I was in and they all had girlfriends and I wanted to go out and meet girls and I wanted to have a crew that to do that with and so initially that that requires just going out and saying yes to everything and just putting yourself into strange social situations and recognizing that the first group or the first guys that you come along will not necessarily be the ones that you roll with forever right so for me it was a matter of gradually upgrading until I met guys like James and the early guys that I started the business with and then went okay these are guys that really know what they're doing we connect as people and so let's do this and it's also that you don't need to initially wing with people who are excellent at seduction they need to be really into trying to get good at this and be somebody that you trust and get on with right it's not that it's not that you need to be around an absolute killer seducer because the guys that I originally started with we were just all figuring it out and then sometimes someone was you know someone was better than the other person but it was more that okay we had each other's back and we were also willing to help coach each other and figure out what's going on and wing each other properly and then people rise together so yeah I mean you can certainly do it there's plenty of online forums these days back then there was a few dozens of places that you can figure this out what city do you live in okay cool all right so yeah and that is another important thing that you recognize if you want to get good at seduction you can't be in a city where there's 50,000 people all right we get guys sometimes who work out on oil rigs and writing it's to how do I get good at seduction I said well firstly gonna need some women around that'll that'll be useful or or in like hyper conservative cultures we sometimes guys write to me from Pakistan or Saudi Arabia and like how do I do day game like don't do day game do not I don't want to be responsible for what happens yeah so I mean the environment absolutely matters that there are some places where there's a bangin social scene when there's great nightlife where there's really like la for example I find to be a really difficult place for seduction because no one walks anywhere everyone's driving and so there's no foot traffic for day game whereas New York is exceptionally good because everyone's walking everywhere so yeah location matters and yeah as I said it's it's a matter of testing it out like you would in order to find a girlfriend you need to go and hang out with lots of different guys and a lot of guys are uneducated on how to wing right it's it's not that you're born with that skill it's definitely a dynamic skill that you have to understand and I've in back in the past had to talk to friends about it and go all right here's the rules when I go and talk to girl if you come and talk to her as well no one's going to win here okay so we can it has to be two on two uh you know or you never you always back your wing if the girl teases you then uh the and then your wingman teases you this is not going to help anyone either all right because she's going to think you're both tickets so actually having a clear code of what it means to wing whilst in in the actual seduction is really important and that may just involve sitting down and discussing it and figuring now yeah so yeah I guess that's my answer so we have a question from the live stream David wants to know how do you reduce regret I feel that everything in my life has happened for a reason but there are many things that come back from my past that are so easy to regret yeah okay the the things that you regret regret the things that you most regret typically are not not taking risks that you wanted to take uh and staying in something that is ineffective or negative for long periods of time so I don't know I'm talking to you because you're like I didn't ask the question you're nodding for that guy all right thanks um okay I'll talk into the camera for him it's it's when you it's when you stay in something for years particularly relationships jobs uh that those are the things that people are most likely to chew up years of their life in and so like I made a lot of mistakes I've I've failed at many businesses my first business was I lived in a tiny one-bedroom apartment with my girlfriend when I was 18 and I bought a huge wooden cupboard from ebay and then I put a big light inside it and then I put some plants inside there and then I grew them hoping that I would be able to become a mad drug dealer by selling marijuana and uh after the three months I harvested the weed and sold it and it paid for about 48 percent of the electricity bill of growing the weed uh so that was that was my first big uh attempt at business I don't regret that it's because it's a funny story and I got to smoke a little bit of my weed before paying for it all and uh it started to teach me some of the basics of economics so if you're going to the things you regret is looking back on going ah fuck I really did want to be a conceptual dancer in my 20s and then I got married and had kids and now I can't do that anymore because I have to look after the fucking kids it's that ah I was in a relationship with that girl 50 percent longer than I should have been right you you are going to get hurt in relationships you're going to you're going to have business ideas collapse and fail um you're going to have friendships where the people betray you at the end this is this is inevitable if you are going to put yourself out into risky situations which is life the regret my my is is not not moving away from something when you know that it's not serving you anymore or not moving towards something that you really want to try out of fear right that's all the time we have let's give it up for james thank you thank you very much for watching my presentation right to the end I hope you find it really useful in your life as you go about making networks and tribes and building a fucking kick ass lifestyle make sure that you subscribe to the 21 studios the 21 convention channel we can only keep maintaining this output of amazing material if you guys support us and at the same time you can go to the natural lifestyles com if you want to find out more about me and my crew and check out my channel which is just the natural lifestyles on youtube thanks for watching we'll see you again next time