 Jim Priess is Georgia Tech's kicker and he's bored by the time this game is all over He will have kicked 18 extra points He bested he made a steak dinner that he can kick a ball through the uprights on a kickoff But then he went up himself and he turns on the jets Morris gouger while lining up for the catch Smacks into the goal post the ball bounces off his head and into Priess's arms Jim Priess has just caught his own kickoff For a touchdown. Okay. Good. All right. Let's get into it Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of the pro-crastinators podcast I'm the best guy ever and I'm here with my teammates on our team. That's gonna win the competition Yeah, Ben saint the forward ball handler professional sports genius Ben saint here reporting reporting in With a with a with a lust for victory Endless Jess our our powerhouse power fucker forward Light nigga dark nigga phone nigga real nigga rich nigga rich nigga whole nigga house nigga feel nigga still nigga Yo, OJ's out everybody OJ's actually that's not true Munchie the most powerful defensive man in the universe boss. I got the I got the opponent's wife in my peripheral I have them. I have them. I have them locked locked inside it I'm ready to pull the trigger whatever whenever the game starts. I'm ready to you know, okay Like I'll shoot them and then the game will start. They'll be like wait. I can't play the game I have to go my wife was fucking blown her head was blown off her good shoulders Stand by for orders munchie and last we got a reverse JFK situation on our hands here code red code red last Lastly is our diminutive goalkeeper hypocrite Football is an American colloquialism that is just wrong. They just got it wrong and they're wrong They don't know what they're doing. Also. I love basketball There you go, there's our highlight folks. That's the end you can leave So we're talking about sports today everybody we're talking it's sports center Today here we are okay Let's let's settle down and get to our to our our our public service announcement from Urban Dictionary Definition of sports. Okay. Here's a top one. I can't fucking wait to hear this. All right. Here's the top one That sucks shit. It's like it's one of those it's like a dad joke sports America's state-sponsored religion All right, let's okay. Here we go. Here we go. Number two is sport So singular, but this is still good the name your dad calls you by that makes you feel like a total loser Which you probably are anyway synonyms champ chief, etc. We're really really getting to the bottom of what sports is No, we really are All right, tell me who's played sports. Who's been a contender out there on the field? Yeah, I may not look like it when I was a little kid. I was I was a big sports guy I used to play soccer every single day of my fucking life Soccer I wouldn't have guessed okay. Yeah, you seem like a football guy to me American football I Love the only thing I'm gonna be able to say intelligently is that I like watching football on TV I like doing it. That's that's what I know about sports Baseball used to do football I used to do all that you used to do fucking tennis But now now I'm an e-sports kind of guy, so I'm just gonna tell you about Fucking future and how I'm that's that's what I really want to get to at the end of this Okay, but let's build up to it. I kind of want to talk about normal sports as well. Mostly. Oh, of course Yeah, he is gay We can do another episode entirely on e-sports believe me. There's a lot to cover there There's a lot to go into with my first fucking society. Yeah, I agree What would you say in Jesse, you know when I was a little kid like really young like five or six or whatever I was a sports prodigy. This is true. This is a true story I could I could I could hit the baseball really far and good I could like I could throw a hoop from anywhere on the court I could do like trick shots and then I got a Sega and that was the end I threw it all away for e-sports worst mistake I ever made He's he sacrificed being a blast out on the field for all that I'm sacrificing being a black I was like, I'm not black. I'm OJ Okay, well, let's what about what about what is it? It's like NBA three-on-three hoops, you know or no It's NBA jam like the greatest sports game ever made I can do one better Mario Mario sports three-on-three That's kind of what was infecting my brain. I like that game. That's a good one That is a good game because it's got white mage and black mage from Final Fantasy What about we sports the greatest sporting challenge on the modern console We sports is probably like the I think isn't that like the most popular game of all time We yeah, yeah, exactly it was up there anyway, um, but I want to talk about real sports I want to talk about when I was a little boy because we're sort of doing that I was I was into like sports because you had to be because you had to do sports for school And I was actually very competitive and very very Vicious, and I didn't care about our competitive guy. You've got that beast inside. I Especially like when playing soccer. I wasn't good at passing. I was never good at all Like a technical like knowing where to to kick but I did know that if you kicked people they would not attack They would just back off and I was a perfect So I would go around kicking people to make them cry and I didn't care and that's why I didn't have any friends But I was such a good defender and nobody would fucking go anywhere near me And I felt for the first time off the field to oh That's it's it's effective especially also in basketball. I'm a very small person I've always been but in basketball surprisingly because of how aggressive and and like I just don't I don't let up Because I just hate people when I'm playing sports. I just I'm your enemy team You are going to die somehow by my hand So I would leap up at people even like the black kids were like really tall. I would just leap right up with them I obviously look really stupid while doing it But like they you know people are scared of how how how seriously I took attacking. I Love I love attacking people. Yeah It's it's it's the mental game. I I fancied I fancied myself. I fancied myself more of a tactician more of a tactical player Sports of course, you know, I played my I played my share of sports in school I was in I was in like Little League Baseball or whatever and like one of my one of my Shittiest childhood memories as there was like a big fucking game or whatever It was like oh, we're gonna were we gonna win the game or lose the game Who knows and I was playing in the outfield and I was bored and I was looking at the sky And I had to pee and I was like man the game is almost over. I'm just gonna hold it I'm just gonna hold it until the end of the game so we can win the game And then but then time wore on and I just had to pee really bad and it started to like hurt It started to like be physically you're on my stasis And I was and I was like I can't I can't find so I like ran in and I was like coach Let me go pee and he was like fine So I went and peed and I came back and we had won the game while I wasn't there Man, why did I just go earlier or something? But but on the subject of being a tactical player being a sports genius So one day in gym class we were playing like soccer or something and I was like I know I can't compete I know I can't compete with these bullies with these bullies and trolls and jocks and chads Physically, but I can't compete with their brute strength But my mind my mind is sharp like a like a like a wet stone My mind is keen like a blade stones aren't sharp you So I so I I engineered what I called the reverse sneak attack Which is actually the exact opposite of a sneak attack because you Amounts that you are performing a sneak attack while simultaneously not performing a sneak attack So I was just dribbling up the field and a defender and a defender just came up to me Just trying to you know, just being do you know the internet bully and troll just trying it's trying to take the ball for me Like a normal idiot doesn't he isn't seeing like a brilliant strategy coming his way and he says he coming up to me I just yell in his face as loud as I can sneak attack and then I just kick the ball past him And he was too dumbfounded. He was too dumbfounded to do a thing What I'm saying is the plan worked perfectly and I broke sports forever Actually that technique was banned in professional sports because it was too powerful Is that true? Wow, but you're the coolest. Yeah story Ben. I definitely heard all of it I didn't leave and then just hear the end of it Let me tell you Ben I've had to I've had to contend with some IRL cyber bullies a few times myself on the on the field of battle Yeah, let me tell you about one day in the life of a young boy where he transcended Humanity and became a literal sports guide. Okay, so this was in middle school sometime and we were playing this game called poison ball Poison ball. It's a dodgeball type game But instead of having people like restricted to to either side of the field there are actually there is two active balls at any time and Basically the entire field is in place so you can run around anywhere and just tag people and the way it works is like just the two balls sort of act as like Opposing magnets and like where one is Basically what you do is you go to where the ball isn't if you've got one and you just pick off weak people one at a time On the fringes and eventually it works down to there's just two people each with the ball And they just matrix duel each other and try to like fake each other out and shit Okay, so on an average gym class day we play this during gym class Of course on an average gym day you could get around four of those games in let me tell you on this one day Something happened deep down in my brain's dick and I became the god I was a I had watched the matrix recently so I'd internalize their their mad skills My dodging game was insane I won three out of four of those games and I only lost the fourth one and remember this is Everyone against everyone. There's like a there's like 30 people in this class. All right I trounced them all I defeated them all the only reason I lost the last game was because the two people Who got the ball at the very start of the game before I had a chance to get my hands on it Because that would have turned the tide they both they grabbed the balls They looked each other they nodded and they both marched over to the corner I was and and like a fucking hero. I just stood them and they I looked in the eyes and just do it Just do it you fucking cowards. You can't handle me in my best. You don't deserve me at my worst That's what I said to them and then they put me down. They was like the end of Braveheart They put me down because they knew I was too fucking powerful if I'd won one more game I would have literally floated like a god into the heavens and and life would never and they couldn't have that Those jealous bullies just wouldn't just wouldn't allow that This is this is this is them dragging down all of humanity's evolution It was like it was like in 2001 space Odyssey I was that baby in space and they just they pulled me they put their hooks in me They pulled me back down to earth and they devolved me back into a lowly human being once again That's what happened, but I'll never forget that day. I'll never forget that day Christ Exactly it was exactly like that. I have something similar But but it was more like it was more like me serating my dominance and then everyone like deciding that I should be eliminated a little bit Okay, so we were playing soccer. I was playing something like happened to Hillary in the election. Yeah. Yeah, exactly exactly We were playing soccer and these fucking these these fucking these fucking cowards and these these children We're just trying up not playing the game correctly and there was being blues They were breaking the fucking rules and then I was I was gonna allow them to fucking sully the name of soccer And so I kept I kept fucking walking over them and like saying if you don't play the game right I'm gonna fucking like kill you. I'm gonna destroy you and your family But they they just they just fucking wouldn't they just they just wouldn't and I forgot the exact move is one of them got it and then like and like fucking like like like somehow like like like They had like fucking like picked it up and then like moved it or something something's fucking so like obviously like breaking the fucking rules Now that it had to be dealt with so when they kicked it I jumped and thrown the fucking ball I caught it in midair slam on the ground like like held the ball to my chest and I screamed the word hell and This was a grade and so everyone's eyes like locked on me instantaneously because I said a swear word And then I made like I made like a big old speech about how these people need to be fucking driven from our lands Because they do not respect the sport and they must be fucking eliminated because they do not they do not appreciate the Craftsmanship that it has to go in to creating sports rules and so I just held the ball I just held the ball in my fucking hands and let anyone take it until the until they were marched off in Shame and everyone like booed them. Yes, actually you justice won this day Yeah, by the way, can I just can I just also share a quick story about the word hell specifically just just one Time in third. This is in third grade. I was talking to a friend. We were we had just read anamorphs All right, he had read volume one of anamorphs and I was gonna read it that night hadn't gotten to it yet And when he said the name of the character Chapman who I believe was the principal in the book I say vice vice principal Chapman that you're exactly right vice principal Chapman I said this exact word of this exact inflection who the hell Is Chapman that's exactly what I said and they immediately were like Nate. What have you done? They pulled me aside they called my parents and had them come pick me up because I was disrupting class by being a monster a Little swearing monster. Wow. Hell in the most tortured way possible Yeah, I just wanted to be cool so bad Funny to me cuz like hell isn't even a thing like I know But not only that but I remember like I like like a little kid I think it was like like Seven or ten or something really like really young and he got in trouble for saying fuck and all the that happened Was the teacher yelled at him and made him like feel bad in front of like a class of older kids like It was just like he said fuck and he got in trouble and he got shouted at and humiliated in front of another class and that was it It wasn't like yeah, all my fucking parents and shit They made it a federal fucking case that sounds like much more justice than than Nate got the poor bastard I was tricked into flipping someone off and then they got me in trouble Were they playing a mimic game or something I remember I remember somebody telling me to do that and I didn't know what it was and I go in trouble Yeah, that's what happened this this fucking stupid to this fucking like like like virgin for life fucking like like twig Like football star fuck him Daniel Daniel if you are fucking listening this I'm I never forgot about you and you will be fucking eliminated. You know, you know Daniel's listening Yeah, you know Daniel is just seething with jealousy That you became a member of the PCP and he was left to flounder He was left to flounder in his in his pathetic sports stardom and and this is what you fucking deserved you stupid piece of shit You know why he's in third grade I was sitting next to you and you said hey, dude check this out and like like like like okay Okay, put up put out your fucking hand and then lower all like like pull your entire like like make it like a fist But then have your middle finger be out. Just just just try dude Wouldn't it be funny if that happened wouldn't that be fucking larry so you did that Wouldn't that be interesting Yeah, dude, that'd be really fucking funny, dude And then I did it and then he was like hey teacher. Look what Anthony's doing I was I was pulled aside. I was putting like a will where one like like like abandoning your post like like firing In front of my entire class they really brought the horrible hoary hammer of the gods down And I'll never fucking forgive you Daniel Daniel ever ever you and your fucking yacht club Just just because you just because you can fucking you can count better Just cuz you fucking read Harry Potter while I was reading diary wimp kid doesn't mean you're fucking better than me, all right Fucking mean anything I got a side with Daniel on that one, but you know I've been looking for a chance. I've been looking for a chance to betray him. Uh, okay, let's let's refocus on sports. I guess What do we got here? All right, I want to talk about sports I like cuz I I do like watching a few sports and not the biggest biggest ones but I like watching Wimbledon when that's on and the Olympics is always kind of interesting and You know horse racing stuff like that stuff. That's not not like that the most Racing I believe the the Grand National specifically it's like it's like the big horse race of the year and It's like NASA is that like NASCAR for horses is that it's like what they get all the smallest people and all the biggest horses And they just put them together and see what happens Let me tell you there's some chemistry out there. Yeah I have not watched a sport I have not watched a sport in years like I watched the Super Bowl maybe like several years ago just on a lark just as a joke Just ironically I watched the Super Bowl and that was pretty much the end I have not watched the Olympics I can't people people act like I'm weird cuz I'm not watching the Olympics like I feel like I'm supposed to be watching the Olympics But I'm like I can't imagine a thing worse I can't imagine a worse fate than watching the Olympics It's kind of nice to just have it on in the TV on some TV nearby Watching the Olympic girls do the gymnastics is more sexy than having actual sex. It's the only Attractive thing in I gotta give a shout out. I gotta give a shout out to the women's volleyball team The volleyball team is the perfect mixture of like they wear the least clothing and they're doing the most active activities It's the best volleyball. That's where to go. These are like fucking these are like fucking like Buff like athletes. These are these are the kind of girls that played softball in college But dude compared to American fatties. They're a thousand times better. I You know comparison, I don't Whatever whatever man. I'm not in I'm committing not feeling it. You know, I that's a that's a growing sentiment I think people just being like bored of the the oh fucking curling Semi-finals up is watch it. Yeah, I don't like there's a lot of shit. I can't keep track of it all I kind of like it the way Gib does I guess just watching it in the background I guess when yeah, yeah, I'm totally so so in other words put it on and don't watch it Which is something that I probably have a great time doing Because like whenever there's like a big thing when there's like the ashes which is like the the cricket tournament between Australia and England There's like the there's Wimbledon, which is obviously the biggest tennis tournament in the world Like something big but like I don't care But I'll watch the final and I'll be like glancing at the TV because other people are watching it It's just sort of nice to know that it's a thing that's being talked about. It's just like yeah, you know, I know what's going on You know, I have never felt a bigger cultural divide between us than I do right now with these this at the ashes I the ash all right. Here's the thing about the ashes cricket is a is a big English thing and it's also big in Australia and There's a big fierce rivalry. There's this other like actual cricket tournaments that go on I think I think yeah The ashes is just England and Australia or maybe it's everyone I forget But the thing is the ashes is like it's literally a thing of ashes Which is the trophy because of something that happened a long time ago and I can't I was gonna say Do they burn the losing teams and then they become the ashes remember? I remember from hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy The ashes is like a wood like an ancient wooden artifact that was burned and like yeah Yeah, there's some the ashes are like a thing in hitchhiker's guide and like the third and like the third book It's a sorry. That's important. Oh, yeah. Yeah, anyone knows what I'm talking about common and remind me Might be related. Yes, but um, yeah, there's that fucking my I don't know this is totally a tangent, but my Okay, sorry I'm trying to think of like culturally divide divided things like it was like the coolest drug It's like the coolest sport in the world and anyone who does it is like ten times more of a badass Cuz like there's no padding and it's super cool and they just run at each other for like an hour and they all die They are the the big rugby thing is called the five nations because it's like it's England. It's Wales, Scotland France and Ireland I think and they're all like they're all big fat. Yes all well-known independent nations Yeah, but that's Scotland. No, they're all just that they're big And they're all nearby and they're just like we fucking love rugby and eating meat and being big beefy guys And we want to beat the shit out of each other with a ball Why don't why don't you guys invite France to play sometime? That'd be nice. We did that's why I said the France is part of it Oh, oh Okay, all right, but yeah like The cool thing about watching a rugby match is that people it's like the same sort of size as a soccer match But the crowd is so so quiet and so respectful. It's like It's more nowadays it's it's yeah, it's it's more quiet than a fucking golf match Sometimes a rugby match when something's really like that, you know, they don't do stupid chants They don't do screaming constantly. It's just like, oh, yeah Yeah, we're watching a thing Fuck my ass. Well, fuck my ass. Well, it feels the manly sort of thing ever. I mean, I do like When I go to a sporting event I like to be able to take it seriously what's happening on the field and sometimes like a lot of people I've noticed go to like football games just for like the experience of going and you know buying the beer and getting the food and stuff But at a certain point I do want to be able to pay attention to the actual game and be interested in what's happening down there I mean, like I go to football games more than anything else, which is to say like I've been to one in the last year So that's that's pretty fun. That's pretty fun. I Oh, well, yeah, I was a little kid. I used to like like like maybe like three or four times I went to the baseball stadium near my house Specifically because I liked their brand of pizza like the best So I so I went there just to eat pizza and then like I would see like, oh, there's a buy ticket to get it Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay Yeah, yeah, and and so that was cool and I had like like every time I did it Yeah, I was just popping against the pizza then I realized but baseball takes like fucking a year Like it is the longest sport ever made and it was I I have been to like two or three Baseball games in my life and never ever have I enjoyed baseball. Mm-hmm. It's yeah baseball. It's pretty boring Not a big fan ball is like the coolest sport I think not one that I ever want to watch like I think I think that all sports are great And I love them all I just don't want to watch any of them I think that's the thing about baseball I feel like baseball generates just an absolutely outrageous amount of like numbers and statistics to analyze Like I feel like baseball is like people just do that. I feel like baseball is like analyzed Maybe like proportionally more than other sports. I agree. I don't know why that is I mean, I'm sure you said maybe basketball I mean, I hear a lot of people talking steps with basketball to I feel like the biggest sports nerds are baseball nerds I agree. I agree Moneyball was a good movie I was just so I was just All right, so I just put out a video about 17776 here we go with the shilling your videos No, no, I'm not saying this to show my video I'm saying that like the guy who made that is like a big like sports nerd stats analysis guy and I and I like Looked into his work, and I went and I watched a bunch of his old video well that they're not even they're like a year old and Just going into some like weird sports happening and his name is John Boyce and some of them were really fucking fascinating He takes one where he looks at Barry Bond's batting average and he says okay This is so fucking good How and like a lot of his batting average is high because people just deliberately walk him because they were so scared of having him Oh, right all and so he's like how good would he have been if he had not even had a bat if he had never swung at a pitch And like he would he did this to the stats analysis And he was still the best hitter in the league by a mile Even if he never swung and there was there was another one There was like an old game in like 1916 that ended in like a score of two a football game It was 222 to zero and he just like walked through the whole game and just be like absolute incompetence And like like like wild wild dogs chase the players Yeah, there was there was the first play of the game the losing teams of quarterback got like knocked the fuck out The halfway through the game. They brought him back in clearly with a concussion But like they brought him in they snapped the ball it hit him with in the face and he just They were okay There was a kicker who kicked the ball and it flew across the field Hit a defender on the helmet and then the kicker caught his own kick off of the defender's helmet and scored a touchdown with it There was there was a guy there was a guy who was just there to impresses it was a college game There was a guy who like he got the ball he wasn't there to actually play He was just that impresses professors. He didn't know what to do He like throws the ball runs off the field hides behind a fence But And and they don't want him to give away their hiding spot so they throw him back What the fuck yeah, all right, so like this this is some pretty hot shit and Yeah, so sports I was watching this and I remembered I remembered that sports could be cool He's just filled with abject All right, that's the coolest thing I've ever heard yeah, I highly recommend yeah that video what's that guy's channel called again It's John voice Okay, yeah, yeah, and and the video is called 222 to 0 I will definitely watch that but I was gonna say what I the thing about me and sports is the the best thing about sports I do like watching football because I think the game is fun and I understand it pretty well And I like to watch my guys and I read for the Patriots. I'm a Patriots fan Yeah, and and they're the fucking dominating team all the time. So it's fun to watch your team win So that's nice Plus I grew up, you know close to Boston. So whatever I don't make fucking excuses for this Plus my friend John likes the Eagles and they always lose which is really nice But anyway, what I'm getting to is that my favorite type of sports are the ones that make the players look the most attractive So I'm talking about that's right. That's right. I'm talking about weightlifting specifically like like powerlifting powerlifting guys Actually get a little fat though. Yeah powerlifting guys are way fat. They're all bare-foot the best sport The best sport is competitive bodybuilding. Oh my going on a stage and flexing your muscles It's showing how cool you are. No, that's the best sport If you think those guys look cool or good, you're fucked up. They look like you look good They don't even look good. They don't. They don't. They don't. They don't. Yeah, well silly They look really silly. I would say I'm a bit of like a traditional bodybuilder enthusiast if anything like like like Frank Zane back in like before before You know fucking steroids. We're just like, you know defined even though like guys like Arnold like are beautiful and they're on steroids Arnold is like yes, like I understand that I I've seen some bodybuilders that go so over the top that they literally look like a fucking mutant zombie bitch Yeah, I'm not into that as much. You know what's funny about those guys is that you know, they work out They make every part of their body humongous. Oh, what's coming next? But there's no weightlifting to make your wiener bigger So they're standing there in their underpants and these little like G strings and their whole bodies are huge But it just makes it look like they've got little tiny wieners And yet true and their heads look small too by comparison. They you can't do anything about either of those That's why you should never work out ever. They ought to You ought to make them take your pants off and judge who has the tiniest wiener and give that guy the golden Dude, but just to just to take off her pants and just you just gotta do it There's nothing else you can possibly just have to do it naked guys They should just have the who has the tiniest wiener competition. Oh, and also they're all really big and muscly for some I you know what it is. I kind of I wonder sometimes. Why is there not a biggest dick competition? I'm serious. I'm serious. It's okay It's so important right like culturally like like having a big dick is so important and yet There's no big dick contest and I understand that I understand that it's not much of a contest because someone would just Someone just has the biggest dick, right? But like they do that with like with dog shows right like dog shows like they just show up and like whoever's got the best dog wins Wait, it's not like you have to train the dog. You can't yeah your penis to be larger You can do some tricks with your dick like cock for example, you know, yeah, you got a jelk. Yeah, they're a take You know, I'm on board. I'm ready to sign up for this thing I thought there was already like a world record largest dick It's I've like, okay, this is real gay But I've looked into like I've tried to find like video evidence of like the biggest dick and you can't like there is none Like there's like rumors and theories I know exactly what you're talking about because I've looked it up too for scientific purposes You look up like who has the biggest wiener the guy who has it will show up, but they won't actually show you it Yeah, yeah Jonah Falcon supposedly has a 13.5 inch dick, but there's no fucking evidence of it Like are you fucking kidding me cuz cuz all the pictures have him like with like a sock over it or like, you know You know I'm talking about Makes it look bigger Well, this is like if you guys talking about the same guy I'm talking about this is like an average-looking dude But he's got this monster cock that actually causes him, you know a lot of like it's like it's huge It's like a problem No, it's not Mike Matei it's some other guy It's just fucking ridiculous to me that like there are like it's so important like we talk about having it We talk about big dicks like so much in our society and they're just like you try to find like okay Well, like show me like show me like a 12-inch dick like with a fucking ruler next to it to prove it and you cannot find it Even though supposedly they're out there. All you can do is look at porn I guess that's like the biggest It's all like weird camera angles and like No, I just want to know for sure like I just want to see it like laid out before me so I can go Oh, so so so that's what it's like. So that's what's out there Proof there's no fucking cultural taboos. That's why I wonder that's why I wonder about that, you know, it's bizarre I find it. I'm with you. You probably have to go in person and us to see it Well, then you'll show you let's go hippo come well. Let's go on an adventure Hell yeah The reason I vlog series hippo and Ben's quest for the biggest dick Ha ha ha ha that sounds like a rowdy fuckers cop. That's you know, yeah, that's a road trip So but the reason I brought up bodybuilding in general is because I actually do do bodybuilding myself You know as as best I can and I would consider myself a a sport guy in that three times a week I go and exercise and then go running sometimes. So it is not really a sport. It's just like a training thing It's just a separate category. That's just exercise if you're not competing. It's not a sport, you know I guess that's fair. I guess that's fair. I'm competing with myself. I always try to do my best Sport is gaming this YouTube system. Oh, that's a good one. I'm not very good at it yet though. No No, I always lose YouTube is the ultimate e-sports competition. It is Okay, the greatest invention of all time. What do you got about e-sports much? Let's hear it I love e-sports because I can do it without any work because video games are easy and you're pathetic if you play That's but have you tried getting into like League of Legends? That's like a that's like a month-long endeavor to even understand the gist of the game and all the fucking Honestly as games, there's nothing I detest more than like MOBAs and e-sports Well, I've watched I've watched a few e-sports And they've mostly because the person I know the person who was commentating them was like a person I follow So I was like, oh, okay I'll have a look at this and it was like Starcraft 2 which I got the gist of pretty quick because I know what an RTS is It's like whoa, they're clicking so fast. They're you know, so many fucking shortcuts and clickity-clacky and stuff It's pretty interesting. I couldn't watch a whole tournament, but it's you know, that's all right The other one was a Hearthstone Which is a game that I had played I don't play anymore, but I was really into it and it was that was like the most Potential like you could actually be good at Hearthstone because it's you all you need all you need is To play the game a lot. I've heard I mean, I know that's really random though I've heard there's a lot of randomization. That's that's why I feel like I could do it if I just get lucky I just say oh, yeah, I got the card I need and they didn't similar similar to Hearthstone I was a pretty active follower of magic the gathering in general back in the day and tried this for a time I tried to keep up with like professional strats and and know what like people were up to this is in college some time And I went to like some tournaments and stuff and just tried my head I had friends were far more professional. I had a friend actually who um, he was like a judge He was like a higher-level guy and he he had just he had gotten to a place where he could do Consistently as well in tournaments enough to like make you like because when you went tournaments basically you like If you grew if you're the grand prize when you like get money But if you just like win in general you get a certain amount of like the rarer cards from the pool He was able to get to a place where he could win enough that he could sell those cards and completely cover like all his entry fees And like his transportation costs and shit So like he was he was and he just loved magic So it was like the perfect situation for him and he was only getting better Don't know what happened to that guy, but but that was that and that was my experience But I would say that e-sports in general is fine things like competitive Counter-strike are like kind of fun to watch But they all pale in comparison to my actual favorite type of e-sports and I would call this a sport And that is speedrunning in general speedrunning is the coolest. No, it's the best. It's the best I'm the biggest fan in the world of speedruns. Every gdq is my birthday. It's great Well before we get started talking about speedruns. I just want to say Sal TV SAL TV he commentates TF2 competitive Yeah, some of that shit is really fun to watch if you like TF2. Well, are you sure his name isn't salt V No, SAL underscore TV or something like that. I used to watch his videos He hasn't made one in a while But there's something they're kind of fun to look back at to see like a commentated TF2 Competitive 6v6 to explain my background of e-sports real quick I fall I I watched few e-sports like all the time like at least Like I would say like like every week if not more which is more than I play actual video games And uh, I I mainly follow smash all the games and like most fps's Right now overwatch is big so I'm watching that even though I'm not the biggest fan of overwatch You know what I any any fps. I enjoy greatly And I I fucking love smash. I know everything about smash bash is the greatest game of all time And it's the it's the it's um excuse me excuse me. Uh, that's that's actually a party game Yeah, yeah, it's not a frame. Yeah, you know, it's not really a fighting game actually. So it's a republican party game It has more fucking, you know inputs than anything else in the entire world. Yeah It's just it's just it's just a baby. He's mad now. He's mad Yeah, listen to the anger in that laugh Yeah, the closest the closest thing to e-sports. I do would be playing pokemon showdown and I sure I have Yeah, yeah, um, I've always kind of wanted to like compete in a tournament I kind of like don't even know how to get started with it But like whatever I would have no problem showing up and just like losing But I would just kind of like to do it just just to do it Yeah, sounds fun It's great because it's so accessible like there are so many games you can play and go e-sports And it's so like it's so like accessible and easy to do like obviously like the high level is like super You know resource intensive and stuff You have a great, you know computer and like it'd be all technical and with your hands and shit But you know if you like like like in tf2 You can just fucking boot up and then play for a little and then like go to competitive mode and fucking play And it's great and it's fun. Not the not the valve competitive mode You can do like the normal the the fan shit the valve one sucks You know what I mean though, you can you can you it's super easy to go competitive games And I love them all and it's great and you get mad dash If you're lucky enough and you play overwatch so you can get on tbs right right after a seinfeld episode You can you can watch the tbs tournament. I can watch seinfeld and then overwatch on tbs. Oh my god It's the perfect combination. They go together You make you make so much fucking mad dash playing overwatch that frankly you can't afford not you the viewer cannot afford Not to buy overwatch right now. You could be raking in the dough as a competitive moba Multi shooter bullshit game worst game in the world. You could be make you could be collecting You could be making dividends and so you see and here you sit listening to me For shame the the globalist conspiracy Directly prints money from the federal reserve and distributes it to overwatch players flooding the world economy with worthless u.s. Dollars We live in a post scarcity world. We live in an overwatch-based economy now That's right. We're gonna move on from a petrol-based dollar. No no more petrol dollars. It's now overwatch dollars Where the us dollar is completely comprised on overwatch points and that determines your pay What were you saying? Yeah, you're saying I want to I want to talk about that because like Overwatch is such a huge game and I have no desire to play it But the amount of like like if you want to get big at streaming you play overwatch because it's the big Team if you want to you know to get like if I was playing overwatch instead of minecraft I mean minecraft is pretty big But I would be getting like so many new followers constantly. It doesn't matter how good I am Well, actually it probably does but like it It's like it's a game and you're supposed to play it to have fun But there are so many benefits to playing it like like for for an audience Like monetarily that I feel some sort of sort of like some Some pulling in the direction of playing it even though I don't like it. Here's what I think about that I think when you're when you're playing a game like super competitively like eventually You understand the game so well that you stop even seeing the game and you become like neo in the matrix Just seeing the ones and zeros like it's all right. It all becomes fucking code to you So I kind of think to that extent it almost doesn't matter what game you play Because eventually you'll reach an understanding where you've just like you've just like gone beyond what the game is Even supposed to be and and it just and it just becomes like crunching numbers in your head and like and doing that Probably doesn't matter to like a high level player what game they're even playing there should be an e-sports for undertale and the Then the contest is just the winner is whoever doesn't do skeletor as papyrus If you can come up with any other voice Oh sands. I am papyrus now Yes Whoever has the best time and has the best friendships at the end whoever enjoys it the most What's funny about the way you say that is like you're framing it like you know to make undertale Like a competitive thing But that's exactly what speedrunning does it makes any game into a competitive thing where it's about optimization and strategy And I love that it's a single player game and that means it's gay. It does make it That's bullshit. It's still competitive. What are you talking about? The thing that I like the thing that I like about speedruns is that like you'll take a game You'll take a game that might take like weeks to beat like i don't know mario 64 or something and you watch a speedrun That's like i don't know beat it in like two hours And what that basically does is take the entire experience of playing a game and compress it down to like movie length or like show length So you can like experience the entire game in like, you know in like a digestible friendly You can sit down and an hour later you've watched someone play You know the entirety of of banjo-kazooie and you're like, yeah, that was that was a good hour You know, you know, you know, I experience banjo-kazooie I agree that that has a certain appeal to it But I would say that like a lot of what you end up doing is like skipping content Like if you can skip content in a speedrun you skip that content Specific like 100% runs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah 100% runs. Oh, you know, that's true. Some of that is true I just I just watched a mario 64 one the other day. That was really good. It was like two hours Just the parkouring was incredible. It was just it was just breath. Yeah. It's breathtaking I I've been getting I got into this guy recently who's been doing Really good service of making videos Detailing the the legacy of the progress the progression of speedrunning world records for various games And when it started like when people started speedrunning it and how You know over time people have figured out techniques to make it go lower at the time go lower and lower And it's really interesting and really well put together sort of like just instruction like a like like a history sort of a timeline Those are fascinating. The guy's the guy's name is is Summoning salt if you type that in you should find it the speedrunners talk about like Like when they discover a new technique or like a new strategy that makes that like cuts their time down They talk about it like new tech like new tech was discovered like a new new technology. There's so much hype. I I love it It's great. Yeah, it's what you think when you when you that's new tech Exactly exactly that that kind of that kind of like putting on a on a pedestal It's like it's like giving a little pomp and circumstance to like these kind of like These sort of mundane things that you find and like you build a whole community around those things and everyone's like in on the Joke and you can get in on it too and and be like a member of a community and understand these things It's so cool. I really love it. I really like it's like this cliff here Yeah, the way the way that I'm about to like, you know Do like a high jump back flip wall kick right here and like glitch through the wall like this like this technique was in development for months and it finally paid off, you know Like it was experimented with The way the people like know that there's like a choke point coming up or like, oh, this is where I make a break Like if I fuck this up like I lose five minutes off my time here. I go. Yeah, do it. Everyone's like, yeah I really like the community aspect. I was I was watching I was watching a pokemon speedrun I don't remember what gen but worster was with speedrunning and there comes a point Where like because worster is making he's making all these strategic decisions that are going to save him time later And then like he's having a fight and like he gets like It gets low and then he gets a crit and he wins he wins the fight when he wasn't and the crowd goes crazy and cheers And worster is like visibly annoyed. He's like really you cheer you cheer for that You cheer for that completely random thing that I had no control over And you don't even notice like all these things that I put months of research into like he says it too And like the look on his face is like really pissed off and I really like understandable But not exactly the greatest crowd reader, but that's okay Yeah, imagine imagine my surprise to find out that this professional speedrunner wasn't a people person Was actually kind of a big fucking nerd What weird? Well shock not not every speedrunner has to be a weirdo. I You know whatever I I I'm playing up my page for speedruns. I actually really like them as well But I you know, I just I like a bit of I will say the greatest thing that ever happened to speedrunning is the video street 112 What? Oh, well, there's this there's this golden eye video of this guy going beyond god mode as he's just like Commentating on his like record breaking uh Golden eye run. Yeah, it's a big meme, but I for yeah, but what's yours? I don't know That's what it is streets. Oh, that's it. Yeah, okay. I never even seen 113 And I never fucking will But what about time we got a fucking lucky break in this fucking game Look at my look at my insane pace. I am fucking clutch It's he's He does some masterful moves for sure like he has practiced this for months or possibly years I mean gold has a fucking all ass game like like these guys become Little gods of the worlds that they're in like it's like it's like they've lived their groundhog day a thousand million times And have perfected it on a technical level. It's uh, it's just like groundhogs Except they're actually aging and getting older and wasting their one life on this planet That is you know, I mean it kind of comes back to the thing we said about video games the other day about how like like video games like if you are like a Becoming a master speedrunner is like sort of finding a way to become a master of something that's like not real life It like gives you something that you can be in control of and get really great at And I you know, obviously like you can like oh, maybe you can like build a business like oh I got to like economically strategize like optimize my fucking tax You know minimize my tax and optimize my income But that's fucking boring and I want to be super mario jumping on bowser and and kicking my shit in Once again, like when you're playing it at that high level like I'm sure it stops feeling like you know You're you're Kirby fucking bouncing around in dream right like you start thinking inputs You think it inputs really inputs and you're thinking frames and you're thinking I mean that's that's how we felt during the uh That's how we felt during the dark souls speedrun. I'm sure like I practice that so many times I was just you know Like I know like obviously I had no longer any fear of the enemies there It's just like, okay, this is a guy I know I need to like step back at this moment and do xyz All that shit and the race that is an editing that's coming up, uh You know in the future Let's keep that under wraps right now race coming up soon guys Race war race war Yes, uh, okay. Do we have anything more to say about sports? Should we go to quest? We haven't even talked about sports. We've been talking about speedruns for the last 90 years We've done Awesome, I'm gonna talk. I like to dunk the ball. Okay. Go on. Okay. Okay. Okay learning. Okay. Okay Here's my like my experience because it was not because like a few years ago. I was pretty like anti sports I was one of those fucking guys like oh, it's so fucking boring. Why would you watch sports? What are you fucking dude? Dude go read a fucking book my right bros? You need to expand your mind Hey, where do you work out the library? I was one of those guys But but then I got into e-sports. I realized the like the cool thing about sports isn't the sports It's the players and how they evolve and like their personal like meta narratives Sure Because because like okay smash smash is like a fun game I like to play but the real cool thing about smash is how these fucking gods have like like molded these fucking specific play styles And how they have so much fucking history fucking like 10 years of history playing tournaments together Fighting like fighting for fucking domination. Just fucking like what like two years ago, uh Hungrybox played fucking jigglypuff like the like a character that's like not Usually considered a top tier until then and he fucking won evo He fucking won evil with like an unconventional character against fucking I think it was like maybe something like top tier like fox guy And it was all these so-called gods and none of them could beat me with items on So true so true Yeah, it just like the entire point of it is just to see these people grow and expand and evolve And that that like that is the cool thing about it and then they're like they're fucking like like villains They're like people who you want to see get beaten There are people who you want to like see like fail or like succeed and it's all it's all about them And the way they use the game to like tell like stories kind of sports sports is like this weird chaotic Crucible or it's like it's like this it's like a strange excuse to like put all these elements together and jiggle them around amidst It's unpredictable circumstances amidst like the chaos of like a ball flying around and like weather and like random chance and like All this stuff It's it's just this it's this chaotic crucible from which like narrative can like sometimes be Be be what's the word be like distilled out of like that that and also like numbers like like sports is like It's just a big thing It's just a big like black box into which like players and rules are put in and what comes out is an endless stream of data That can be endlessly analyzed by fucking nerds by sports nerds Like to find to find trends and like make predictions and like discuss things and you know kind of like Kind of like playing video games and speedrunning video games is a way to like exert mastery over a thing that isn't real Like like analyzing sports statistics and looking into and looking into like the progression of like of like sports players And like and doing like predictions and stuff like that's like that also is a way that people can like look at something That's not real like it's not real life. It's just sports But they can like analyze this data and be like I have come to like a great understanding about something And it's important and it's important within like a certain subset of people It's subculturally important like to be able to like to know like what it means that like so and so Like has such and such odds of doing whatever. You know what I'm saying? These are like Yeah, I hear these are like the points of interest I think that that are that are what drives like the continuing interest in sports and why we haven't all just gotten Why everyone hasn't just gotten bored and being like, I know how this ends. They get the ball to the end zone And we haven't had football games that like travel the entire distance of nebraska and have states It's fucking in stone in soon soon. We will though One one moment one my favorite my favorite esports moment of all time that like like embodies that like like Like the game itself doesn't fucking matter is one smash moment at the salty suite where this where this uh player This player now known as bizarro flame was supposed to fight another Like he plays gandorf in melee the greatest character of all time and he was supposed to do a ditto of another gandorf guy But he like he like flaked and he didn't show up. He was like sick Yeah, exactly. And so they had they got another I've got another guy to like fill in as like the gandorf guy And he was he was like another he was like another, you know, well-known gandorf But but like the the game itself isn't really the important part. It's it's that it's like it's that guy Exerting his fucking dominance over the character in like in real life So it's like that that match starts off like hey, how do you like the company's like? Hey, how do you feel like like like the guy didn't show up and then he said oh, he's a fraud He's a fucking fraud and then and then like like what do you think about this match? What do you think's gonna happen? And he just said easy money And then he did like a he did like a real life super special was like move to the guy in real life Oh my god And then the match starts out the match starts out like like one two three go and then He just does like one of gandorf's like hardest moves to pull off Oh like five times in a row and fucking eviscerates this guy in front of like thousands of people Meanwhile, just talking shit about how he's the greatest fucking gandorf of all time And fucking like like blowing him the fuck out It's fucking great. And like the like the game. It's great. Yeah, like like a guy who's better than another person Like beat him at a video game big deal But like like the things are like the the politics outside of the game is what makes it legendary Yeah, yeah, I saw zero walking into like a tournament recently and like the guy behind him was like No, he had a buck and he was throwing banana peels just as he walked up to the stage because he plays diddy kong, of course Yeah, it was uh, it was pretty yeah, I like all that shit. I like when they really like buy into their character diddy kong racing Yeah, it's just me. I'm winning I was I was interested like in in in like You know what? I was gonna I was gonna talk about the race that's coming up But actually I don't want to spoil it. So I'm not gonna. Yeah, right But yeah, I need time for that in the future But I would say that like a lot of what you just talked about applies And of course you would agree to like, you know normal sports as well And which is clearly why a lot of people get into it. Yeah, like principle. It's the same Yeah, that's right. Like like guys like bill burr who I've just been listening to him a lot Like he's a giant sports fan and he's always talking about like players and like their their role and like oh Fucking so and so got his first touchdown ever. Yes. He's just so excited for this That's uh, you know people get into that. I I don't follow closely enough for that I basically only followed the level of like is my team doing okay? Yeah, brady did it That's it. Oh my god. I mean there's so many there's so many characters. There's so many like like secondary and tertiary and bit player characters and sports. It's they're all characters. None of them are real. They're all characters I guess you got to get into it Like you probably pick out like, you know the top players and like the mvps and like those are the main characters And then as you get more into it like you start to like pick up on the nuances of what's going on with more people This is like one of the not a great example because it's just like one of the most famous guys in the game But like tom brady, you know like fucking quarterback of the patriots is like he has now won like the last super bowl They was on the table for him to win more super bowl champions than any quarterback in history And he did it and obviously that was very exciting for me and I was just like I was I was totally pumped about that That was really dope So, uh, no it's that kind of shit. It's that kind of shit. Yeah, you want to see you want to see your guys win Yeah, uh, the best thing coming out of sports is the little b-song fuck kevin duran Have any of you heard of this? Uh, maybe I don't know kevin duran is basically I have a very limited knowledge But from what I can understand this song it's a diss track And kevin duran is just this basketball player and then this fucking guy little b who's like fucking like three feet tall Just just made a just just made a song about how he's gonna fucking He's gonna fuck all the mba girls in the mouth and like and like destroy kevin kevin duran and a fucking in a basketball match even though he's like two feet tall and it's Awesome. I hope he does so. I hope he has already done so All right Do you guys have like a javelin teacher in school? Javelin teacher? No. Uh, all right. I guess you don't know what a javelin is munchie. It's like a spear. It's like a spear Oh, oh, oh a jousting No, not like fucking jousting. You don't throw a joustie joust It's part of the olympics, you know, you have like you have the discus. You have the shot put and you have the javelin Yeah, okay. Those three things we got learned them at school. I don't I don't know how common I was Uh-huh. We did um, I wasn't never very good at the shot put because I had weak arms Uh, the discus it was like frisbee and I was terrible with frisbees So I couldn't do that but the javelin I got I got really far with one I thought now I have the power to kill people and this is great I never followed up on it, but I really enjoyed drawing javelins and from from then on if I had a really long pointed stick I would throw it and see if it's it landed in the ground and got stuck in the ground because sometimes it did Speaking of discus, I was I was actually researching discus the other day like like high level discus And I never really thought about this, but they are like buff. They're like buff guys. They're they're like bare mode Discus, yeah, I mean everyone's better at sports when you're just stronger in general Yeah, true and it was interesting to see them just fucking like go ham fucking throwing It's because like the discus have to they have to be like really heavy in order to fly straight So basically they're throwing like like like rock or metal frisbees basically It's very cool. All right guys. Are we done with sports now? I don't know. I don't know. We haven't even talked about bicycles or swimming We haven't even talked about the bicycle Yeah, we're I'd like the hourbark. I like it would be appropriate to switch over to questions But I like swimming and bicycling at the same time if we hadn't just completely fucked up everything up to this point Well, perhaps Yeah, true true. No, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm having a great time I'm having a great time here with all you guys my best friends. Yeah, I fucking love ping pong even though I'm bad at it. That's a fun game I was pretty great tennis tennis is cool. It's like I like it because it has to do with your hands It's mainly just using your hands and I like using my hands. I don't mainly just using you. You got to run around You know, you got to you got to make sure you hit the ball with your thing That's that's the hard part. The running around isn't the problem Infinite just infinite just taught me the tennis is basically like chess and war combined Tennis is like tennis is the ultimate test of a person's mental and physical The only thing I would say about that is that like literally from all the sports manga I have read which is a million You can make that case about every single sport ever invented and talk about the beauty of the game And yeah, my god, these rules are the best rule like I'm reading um I'm reading robo laser beam right now Which is a shonen shonen jump manga by the guy did kuroke no basque Uh kuroko no basque, um, which is about golf. This is a golf high octane sports manga And like it too like because they all do goes on my god. The game is fucking beautiful. It's nothing is as powerful as golf Uh, yeah, it's like I I'm just assuming that everyone who thinks their sport is the best in the world I'm with you. I know that that you know, ice shield 21 told me that american football Well, they were actually correct because that is the greatest sport in the world And ice shield 21 is the greatest manga in the world. So they were correct. It's a great manga I was actually thinking about this the other day. I was wondering whether there is like a chess Uh anime or manga and people said, oh no, well, they they have shogi They have the japanese thing and I was like I fucking hate that We've shit I don't think they even play shogi in japan. I think it's just a joke that they if they're all in on And they're not explaining it to the rest of us probably probably I've actually played a god. I want to see fucking little witch academia wizard chess tournament arc Yeah, I agree. I agree. Bring out ronald peasley and get him Fuck up some guys I've actually played bear Oh my god, you connected the dots. You did it. He stole all my fucking pic in it I hate you japan. Why did you do it? Why did you make yogi bears steal my picnic baskets? Is there a yogi bear anime? There should be. There should be. It's called yogi bear I hate it. I hate mammals Uh, all right, is this guys let's go to characters. I like these fucking babies that come out of their pussy holes all warm They're not even laying eggs. They're fucking mammals. I hate them. I hate bears. I hate yogi shogi bear Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo So now that i've knocked back my bell, it's me yogi bear. I'm here to beat my children. It's what I do. I have children I think Hey yo, it's a me Yogi bear I'm a Japanese I'm a Japanese off-brand. I do stuff with pic in its baskets What do you do with them shogi kill me All right, it's time for questions. All right. We're going to the questions. All right. Here we go, everybody. Sorry about the dickhead of the PCP. You didn't want us to talk about sports more. Sorry viewers. Yeah, I'm so sorry. It's all safe about that. The dickhead of the PCP Shokie Bear. Yeah, that's true. Okay, here's a filler question at Joji Matthews. He only likes picnic baskets with sushi in it. Fuck! No! Okay, actually, you know what? Here's a slightly better question. At its judgment day, asks, What is the oldest work of art that you are passionate about slash would recommend? The oldest work of art that's like good. The Stonehenge. Stonehenge. I consider that a nice sculptural sculpt. That's pretty good. Wait, wait, wait. The white horse on the hill things. What are they called? The Sphinx. Egypt. They're like old Gaelic Celtic fucking English things. They're like hills where they carved in white rock the shape of a horse and it's like huge. That sounds really cool. I don't know what they're called. Okay, that thing. Google it, guys. I'm gonna go with the works of Mozart in general. I think I'm quite fond of them. I like listening to him. Oh, maybe the Sistine Chapel. It's pretty cool. I never seen it though. I fucking love cave paintings. They're so old. Yeah, you can't get much older than that. I'm trying to be the oldest guy. Whatever anyone says, I'm gonna say I like something older because that's the hipsteriest. I would say I really like the Pyramids of Giza, especially because they have that love of battleship, 50 feet below it. So 50 feet below the Pyramids of Giza, there is a love of battleship that can only be powered in times of need. So for instance, if you need to battle an alien race trying to overthrow the United States government in the 1950s, then you, a South American woman from Peru, can mosey on over to the Pyramids of Giza and then locate the love of battleship. That is 50 miles across and three atoms thick. You can locate that battleship. And you can power it. And once inside, using the power of love and your aligned chakras, you can drive the aliens from your land due to instantly making them all have the black plague. That's my favorite part about it. And that's my favorite sculpture in the entire world. That's good. I'm gonna say that my favorite, my oldest favorite work of art is the actor William Hickey. He played, he's like this really scary old guy. He's the scariest oldest guy in every movie ever. He died in 1994 and he's still the oldest. That's how old and scary he is. He played, he was like this old man with like a haunted cat in the Tales from the Dark Side movie. The cat killed him and crawled out of his throat. It was really gross and cool. Jesus. He's like, he's so, he's got this like scary tongue. He's like, he's always got a scary tongue. That's his main feature as an actor. He played Pete and Pete's grandfather on the Adventures of Pete and Pete. Everybody go look up, go look up like Artie versus the bowling ball on Pete and Pete. He's the guy, like the bowling ball kicks Artie's ass. And like this extended fight sequence of Artie versus this evil bowling ball and it kicks Artie's ass. And at the end of it, Artie is like laying on the ground. The bowling ball is like pinning him. It's defeated him. And like the grandfather comes out and he's like, foolish man, brave but foolish. Is this like Mystery Men bowling ball rules where it's, you know, got its own will and it's flying around doing shit? Yeah, it's like, they didn't have the special effects to make it actually fly around and do shit. So it's all the actor who plays Artie just like pantomiming, fighting the bowling ball and it's the best thing ever. But yeah, the guy who plays Pete and Pete's grandpa is my favorite work of art. So canonically this character could have a mental illness and actually just think that he's fighting a bowling ball. No, Artie is a real superhero. That is a real evil bowling ball. His power was too great for this world. Okay, here we go. Here's the next question. This is a baffling question that I want to shame this person for asking. It's at Dragon Ring 34 asks, do you think English song are inherently worse than the original song? That's the question. Is this person applying that every song was not in English? I think that's what they're proposing. Is this like an anime question or something? I want to shame you for asking anime related questions, person. Let's shame them for asking what we can only infer is an anime related question. There's no other explanation. I have an answer. This man, his accusation is wrong that the English song is worse than the non-English song because on the first Gorilla's album there's a song called Latin Simone and it's a song that for some reason is in Spanish and it's just this like Spanish guy singing the song and you're like what is this? You skip it. Every time you listen to the album you skip that stupid fucking song but then on the B-Sides album the EP that they released entitled G-Sides right after their first album there was an English version of that song that 2D sang and it was way better. You listen to it and you're like oh wow this is actually a really cool song. I didn't know before because it was in Spanish and ain't nobody speaks that shit so that's why that guy was wrong about that thing he said just now. Pretty sick. Well he said do you think English songs are inherently worse than the original song? My answer was Gorilla's. Right. Yeah, shut up dude that's a bad question. Okay, here's an interesting question. I actually like this one a lot. Okay, at Hero Cactus asks, well it's not a question but videos you would show at a job interview so which of your videos would you use at a job interview? I don't know. Mine would be... Yeah it depends on the job of course. It would be the entirety of the Japanese Juggalo arc. Yeah that's good, that's good. I would show the ending of my Rayman 3's three part where I got all the people playing the band but it's just one shot. If it's like an editing job I'm saying look at what I can do with all this stupid shit. I don't know what I'd personally pick but for you Gib I think you should definitely go for like why clopping is okay, you know, sexuality of my little pony. I'd definitely go for that one. Yeah, they've definitely got to know my stance on that. Of course. It's important. Agreed. God I love clopping. Jesus Christ grows. Agreed. I clop to not even ponies. I clop but not as in masturbation. I just go... That's what clopping sounds like probably. Okay, here's a strange question. AtAutoJK asks, what is biggest let down in your gaming history? What? I think you said... Why do we have fucking four of us? I'll tell you. I have a great answer to that question. My greatest disappointment in my gaming career was on that Digi Bros episode. Ben owns it at Downwell. Was the fact... Spoilers, yeah, was the fact that I got so close and I didn't win. It was like right down to the wire but I just fucking barely didn't do it. If I had done it, it would have been the most legendary performance of all time. But alas, I came so close. So that was a big let down to me. It got so far but in the end it didn't even matter. I was gonna say that because it got killed to me. It's too fucking soon dude. It's too fucking soon. Chester. Aw. Poor guy. I was debating maybe it's too soon but I bet that demon munchie will say it. I'm sorry the guy's dead. But to stop saying the memes that we've been saying for literally decades now. Some funny ones told me the world is good. Shrek died? Don't say it. Oh no. About my biggest gaming disappointment, I of course had to bring up my loss in the Pokemon race, which was absolutely devastating on a deep level. Everyone go watch that. The other one that comes to mind is long ago when Ben and I were first playing Mario RPG, Legend of the Seven Stars. Oh god. I know we've talked about this before, I think. So we had gone through the whole game. I was watching Ben play as I used to because we were very little back then. I was like seven or eight or something. And Ben was playing and we just both, I'd watched him play like the whole game and he was fighting Smithy, the final boss. And we was down to the wire only Malo I believe was still alive and on like, there's this move, Psychopath that just tells you how much HP the enemy has. I don't remember exactly who was alive but I remember that the last thing that happened was we used Psychopath to see how much HP Smithy had. And he had around like 34 or something and the average attack would have killed. If we had just attacked, we would have won. And then he killed us all on his next turn and we wept. We wept like wee babes in the crib. It was brutal. It was absolutely brutal. But even though we could have just tried again. We were just such babies at video games then. We like didn't, it was just so sad to like lose to a final boss like that. Yeah, because we'd been trying like for a long time. Like we'd been trying like all day, I think. And we were like, we were so close. Yeah, and it was, and to our little pea brain minds, it was just devastating. And we cried and cried. Did we get our chutzpah back up and like fight again immediately like later that day? No, I think we did beat him. I think we tried again another day. Yeah, I think you're right. Guys, I think that was the end for that time. For that session. I agree. It was brutal, guys. Yeah. There have been multiple times where I've like tried really hard and failed so many times that I've just given up and said, fuck this game. I'll never play it again. And then, you know, a week later, I'll pick it up. Yeah. So, but there's not like one specific one that's so notable that I can remember it. I'm just, I just know that sometimes I get mad at video games. Yeah. Yeah, that's all I know as well. That's the only thing I know about video games is that they make me mad sometimes. But you know what? Easy come, easy go. You never shine if you don't grow. Whatever. Incredible. All right. Well, okay. Here's just a question for us to go out on at Jamsk main. Something like that. It isn't easy. This is a little fucking layup. Which PCP member do you think will die first? It's Bumpkey. It's obviously Bumpkey. Oh yeah. Yeah, it's definitely Bumpkey. It's going to kill himself. There you go. Yeah. Any debate? Any debate about this? Actually, yeah. I think he's a, I think he's coward and I challenge him to do it and prove us all wrong. Oh, I think I, I don't remember which episode, but I, I, I did. I've got him just kidding. Please God, I'm just kidding. I, I did bet. I think I also said that in a different episode, Ben. Yeah. In the suicide podcast, I think we made bets on this and I believe I bet that he would never commit suicide. It was actually my bet. You know, you know, here's the thing. I would, I would say, I would say he's not going to do it. I would say that about most people, but you know what? Then you say that and then they do it and then you look like an asshole. Then you get egg all over your face. He wants that. It's so true. You know, I've been going around all this time saying the lead singer of Lincoln Park is never going to kill himself no matter what else happens in life. And now I look like the damnest buffoon there is. You did. In the end, it didn't even matter. Yeah. All right. I think the first PCP member who's going to die is Psy. By the way, official announcement from the PCP, Psy is now in the group. But not too long. Too bad he just died. He just died. Well, you know, it was a long and storied history. Well, there you go, folks. All right. We're done. Thanks for listening, everybody. Make sure you send us more questions. Hashtag Ask PCP. Follow us at TPCrasnators. Pledge to the goddamn Patreon $5 to get our bonus episodes, best dogs. What are we doing? We're going to record one today, so it'll be out soon if you're hearing this shit. Oh, shit. We didn't even fucking announce that we had announcements to make. Oh, shit. All those announcements were fucking boring. I was in that meeting. It was just a bunch of bullshit. No one cares. That's true. All right. Here's the only thing that matters right now. We're going to do t-shirts, people. We're going red bubble. I don't know the URL because I haven't made it yet. We're making shirts, people. We're making shirts with the logo. Just check the description and it's going to be there. We haven't made it yet, but in the future, it will have been made. That's right. So just click on there, download. We should have done that at the very beginning. It's just because of the logo that I cleaned up and I made it look good. We could edit a bit into the beginning. Okay, well, whatever. We'll deal with that afterward. Okay, for now, go buy the shirts, people. They're real. I promise you they're real. Go buy them. But it's not just shirts. You got mugs. You got all the red bubbles. Great because they just got a million things on merch. Find one that you like with the ProCrastinators logo. And there you go. Buy that shit. And we're going to expand our content with more things to buy with stuff. We'll get back to the more details on that in the future. And comment on this video what you would like to see as a merch. And we might just do or we probably won't. But you know, do it anyway. That's fair. You fucking fag it. Sure, why not? All right. There you go. We're all done. Thanks for watching everybody and we'll see you next time. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. I took them out. I took out the wife. I took out the wife. They're gone. Start the game. Start the game.