 Because I, you know, yeah, there's evidence in the past that that's not the case. Otherwise, I'd never be saying I want to be clearer. I'd always be as clear as possible. Does it make sense when we talk about the idea of, like Dorothy's been mentioning, you either believe this course entirely or not at all, or that idea that they would have to be kind of an all or nothing kind of a thing? I mean, how, where, how does your mind approach that idea or what kind of reaction do you have with that kind of an idea? That to forgive, to truly forgive one person is the same as to truly forgive one situation, any situation that you can think of. And that anything short of complete, total forgiveness is not, is not it. Well, I think the thought I have about that is that seems reasonable or logical or that that's the way it would have to be. And I have not had the experience of that. In the past or present. Right. So you, so you believe it will come in the future? Well, if it's going to come at all, I guess it's when it would have to be. If I'm not experiencing it at this moment and there's ever any hope of experiencing it would have to be still ahead of me or, you know. So then we're back to that basic question that we asked on the way down the last time from Michigan. Why should the good appear in evil's form? In other words, if God offered, if the Holy Spirit or true forgiveness is available, then it comes from God and is good, then why, why not now? Why? Well, I feel like I must be throwing up some kind of obstacles to it being the experience now. I mean, I don't think God's holding out on me. But there's some fear that keeps me from my awareness of that or my experience of that. So it's a present fear. It's a present fear. And every time we come together and talk and go into it, I mean, that's precisely, nothing more than that that we're trying to get at. What, what am I afraid of right now? Yeah, it gives us a starting point. Is it perfect clarity that you're afraid of? I don't know. That just came to my mind. I wasn't expecting an answer, but I mean, it just occurred to me. It's like, if I have perfect clarity, or if I say I have perfect clarity, then that's going to be a standard that I hold up for myself. And then, you know, I will have to demonstrate that. And so I better not say that I'm totally clear because then that'll give me some room, you know, to some room for improvement. You know, to say, well, yeah, I'm still working at it. You know, I'm still trying to get there. And I think, you know, when you were talking about, you know, how we feel about where we are coming to the end of this lesson and discussing it, for me, it was just, it was like, how do I feel right now? I feel peaceful. I feel calm. I'm not having thoughts about anything outside of this room. I'm not having thoughts about fear or I'm not having, you know, it was just like kind of doing an inventory of what is that I'm aware of right now. And it just felt like, well, I'm aware of just being here and doing this and it feels calm and it feels peaceful. And yes, that felt like clarity to me. And that, it was like as simple as that. Versus saying, well, you know, it's kind of like Dorothy's thing about just do it. How is it? Don't think about it. As soon as I start to think about it, that's where the projecting into the future, the saying, well, I better not say I'm clear about this because if I say something in 10 minutes that demonstrates that I'm not clear, then I was just lying to myself, you know, or any of those, you know, kind of excuses that I might make for wanting to give like, you know, like I said, give myself some room, you know, I better not say that I'm clear. And that's how my thinking would go if I got, you know, if I let it get into thinking about it versus just experiencing where am I right now? Am I peaceful? Am I feeling clear? Yeah. Okay. That's it. Don't think about it. What is clarity? What does it mean to be in the experience of perfect clarity? What came to me was that there's a fear out there and I was grateful that I didn't want it. And also when you asked about what you were afraid of and the only thing that came to me was, are you afraid of the love of God? Maybe you might not think you're good enough to accept it. I accept it gladly and I have this feeling that I want to help you so much and I know I can't. I only can say what comes out. I really don't know what else to say. Sometimes for me, too, when you say what is the clarity, it's like, it's like, you know, my mind is still and the questions are still, you know, and that may feel like clarity. Just, you know, my mind's still. I don't have to figure it out. I don't have to ask a million questions just to accept it. I think of years ago when I was reading in Psychology, Abraham Maslow talked about means and end, means and end, and he said that to the self-actualizing person that they were the same. And I thought, what a phenomenal idea that the means and the end are one, that this instant is the endpoint. It's so much with linear thinking. It's almost that always thinking means to something coming in the future. And to think of it, I mean, the question sees and the peace of just seeing the present as just an endpoint. In a sense, there's no need to even get into why I feel peaceful or clear because that ceases. There was nothing that preceded that. It just is kind of like, that's the endpoint. I remember just my heart took a little leap when I read that for the first time. It was like, it's so simple. It's like, instead of chasing something and always doing something or thinking something that's going to be, it's just present. One of the things I got in touch with when I did the Warner Air Hard Work was that I'm always in a place or position or a stance of waiting in my mind. It's the waiting game. It's how I refer to it. That it was never now. It was always to come. And I think this is related to that. And at that time, I looked at it in terms of external things. I was always waiting until I arrived at that point in my life when it was possible to start traveling, for instance. I was always waiting for the point in my life when finances were such that we could have the house the way we wanted it. And that's what my life was. My life was going through the waiting period. So now that I'm to apply it more at a mind level, I think I've probably transferred it over. And now I'm waiting for certainty and clarity. And if I apply my mind to this, hard enough and long enough, I'll get there. It's still very much a process, orientation. But see, I think built into that is some kind of feeling or sense or belief that I don't deserve it right now. That I have to earn it. And waiting is earning it. Paying your dues, you don't start out at the top. You start out at the bottom. And through much effort, you may get to the top. But you earn it. You prove your medal. And part of it is having the perseverance and the persistence to wait as long as it takes and not give up. Interesting storyline. When you trace it back to God, though, and you try to fit the waiting game into God and heaven, the story starts to fall apart a bit when you start to approach it to that absolute. So what is there I can look at with this waiting game to get more underneath the beliefs for why I would hold on to the waiting game? I mean, what do I think it gets me? What you're waiting for is my question. What do you think you're waiting for? What are you waiting for? Well, now what I'm waiting for is clarity and certainty. Lasting clarity and lasting certainty. In what? In my mind. So you believe you have a mind that we don't have? This mind I'm a part of is clarity. I don't understand which mind you're talking about. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha.