 All right, single dudes, here's your birth control. Did you know that in most states in the event of a child being born, the mother will get sole physical and legal custody just right off the bat? That means if you want to make any decision about your child or even see your child, you have to fight for it in court with a lawyer. Even if your name is on the birth certificate and you've proven that you're the real father, if you're not married, you are not entitled to custody. Ooh, but you're going to pay that child support though. And a fun thing about child support is they don't need to use your actual income. They can use a magical system called potential income. That means they can go, oh, you make $40,000 a year, but your boss makes $70,000 a year. There's no reason you can't get to where your boss is being, so we're going to calculate your child support based off of the potential income of your boss's $70,000 salary, even though you only make $40,000. That's because thanks to title 4D of the Social Security Act, the state gets a certain huge percentage of every payment of child support made. The state just has much more to gain from you being a non-custodial parent with no rights over your child and simply being a paycheck than the child being afforded the opportunity to have two equal parents with 50-50 custody. That's why if even down the line, you find out that you were never the father, you're going to keep paying child support until they're 18. The state's got to get the money from somebody. I got a whole lot more to say, but for now, fellas, be very careful out there. And if she tells you not to worry about the condom, worry about the condom. Stop being a simp and have a hot girl summer with the girls. Emily, stop being a simp and have a hot girl summer with the girls. Emily, I'm going to have a serious problem. If you don't stop being a simp and have a hot girl summer with your friends. Emily, stop being a f***ing simp and have a hot girl summer with the girls. Emily, stop being a simp and have a hot girl summer with the girls. Emily, remember, hot girl summer. Emily, stop being a simp and have a hot girl summer with the girls. Emily, stop being a simp and have a hot girl summer with the f***ing girls. Emily, stop being a simp and have a hot girl summer. Emily, stop being a simp and have a hot girl summer. Stop being a simp, Emily, and come have a hot girl summer with the ladies. Emily, stop being a simp and have a hot girl summer with the girls. Emily, stop simping and have a hot girl summer with the girls. Let's get it b****es. Call him daddy? Do I call her daddy? Call her daddy. How do you know your date went wrong? When your Chase's basement podcast shirt is ripped? Your nose is all bloody. And the popos is looking at you like, Is you okay, Nate? I'm okay. I'm a marina. Look, look, look. It ain't a rocket through the chest. Super fine. If God sends me to hell, I will simply not go. What will he do? Send me to hell? I'm already not going. No f***. When men say modern day feminism is just an attack on men. I got this time so you guys know what each inch is really love like. Ladies, if you are the type of woman to make a video showing off a tattoo on your arm that you use to measure a man's wean, then chances are, no matter how big that guy is, he could be 8 inches, he could be 13 inches, it's probably still going to be like tossing a hot dog down a hallway. You know, I have big feet. I have a size 13 foot. It's above average. But if I try to put it into a size 22 Shaquille O'Neal basketball shoe, it's not going to fit very snugly. You get my drift here. Cases where you may never want to shake someone's hand ever again. What are all these microbes in the epidermis? If you were to shake someone's hand that looked like this or this, you can get syphilis. Yep, I said syphilis and that's a sexually transmitted disease and if you shake hands with someone with secondary syphilis, you can get syphilis too. And if I were to biopsy these lesions on the palm and if you stain it appropriately, it's full of spirochetes. Syphilis is due to the Bacteria Trepanema pallidum and it's a great mimicry of different diseases. It first starts off as a shanker or a painless ulcer on the genitalia. Then it can progress to a rash on the palm, soles, and body. And then the late stages, it can affect the brain, spinal cord, spinal fluid. And that's called neuro syphilis. So even if your dermatologist didn't shake your hand before COVID, don't take it personally. We see this sometimes. What are some weirdly specific things that you consider to be red flags in men? Men who are rude to fat women or traditionally unattractive women. Let me explain. As a fat woman, a lot of time, guys will come up to my friends and I and will flirt with my thinner friends. And that's fine. But the way that they interact with me tells me every single thing I need to know about them. If they acknowledge my presence, you know, say hello, whatever, chill. But so many times, they won't even look me in the eye. They will talk to my friends and pretend like I'm not there. And that immediately tells me that that person doesn't respect me. So men who don't respect women, they don't find f***able. They don't respect women. Like straight up, they do not respect women. Because if they don't respect the women they're not attracted to, then they're just trying to be kind to you because they want to get into your pants. If you have a fat friend and she gets bad vibes from a guy, listen to her. She is right. So why can't I get one? So why can't I get one? Mama, I know you're not about to kiss me. No, I'm talking about Brandy. Boy, please, actually. Guys, dating in your 30s is something. So I was dating this guy, really liked him, up until the other night. We went and got durians the other night and I ran into a guy friend that I know and I said hi to him. Well, the guy that I'm dating asked me if I'd ever f***ed him. First of all, the answer is no. But second of all, even if this guy got me pregnant at a Chevron gas station, would have been before you, Chad. Guess what? You met me on Tinder, not you through it, baby. I'm a single mom. I come with a kid. You know that, too. You know how I made that kid? My ex-husband bent me over a tree stump in South Lake Tahoe, California after our engagement photos. That was the ticket. So you're going to need to get more secure and I hope things work out for you in the next one. And that's on insecurity. Many people have looked at me on this app and the way I dress or the way I talk and then they comment like, oh, she's probably a gold digger. And I just realized, like, today, that I have never been called a gold digger by a rich man. It's always the broke boys calling me a gold digger. Like, baby, you're 19. You probably work a minimum wage job, which there's absolutely nothing wrong with, but what am I going to take from you? They'd be like, oh, boys, watch out, she's probably a gold digger. Oh, we got a gold digger over here. Like, Brandon, what am I going to dig from you? 20 bucks? Come on. Even if I was a gold digger, you don't have any gold for me to dig. It's never the rich men that are accusing me of being a gold digger. But if I was pursuing a rich man and he was, I could understand why he'd be precocious of me being a gold digger, but it's always the ones with no money. And this isn't me trying to be classist or anything. This is just an observation that I've made where rich men have never called me a gold digger. While boys who make less than me accuse me of wanting their money when I don't even want them in the first place. Please don't be ugly. Please don't be ugly. Please. Please. Oh, my God. When you don't want your husband to see what you bought. Unnecessary s**t. I understood the assignment. Still delt got full custody yet.