 Folks later we'll announce the winners of the first lever fur contest, but now Leaver brothers company makers of swan the soap with the exclusive super creamed blend presents Our friend swan with my friend Irma Starring Mary Wilson is Irma and Kathy Lois is Jane Me Jane Stacy, I'm a girl who never says I know all the answers, but with all modesty I figure I know my way around Then suddenly my roommate Irma Peterson comes out with one of her remarks and mother I'm back at the Lost and Found Department again Take a classic example like last night when I came home I found Irma appearing into a large kettle of water in which She dumped a bag of pretzels That stopped me so I said honey. Why are you soaking those pretzels and Irma said I couldn't buy any pretzels sticks So I'm trying to straighten these out For a minute I was tempted to do the same thing to her But knowing or am I just forgot the whole thing anyway. That was last night Tonight I'm going through some letters that have accumulated in the desk Jane dear Jane. Just a line to let you hmm What honey, why do you save all your old letters? Well, I'm mostly from relatives and since I don't see my relatives very often So it makes me feel they're right here visiting with me. I know what you mean Jane I still have all my old report cards from school. Yes, they always used to kid me when I was in school They said I'd never get out of there unless it burned down. Yeah, how did you get out it burned down? You never told me very much about your relatives Well, honey, there's much to tell most of my family live in New England. They're fairly successful My father had a drugstore and and my mother's just like all mothers a little beyond the descriptive power of words Yeah, I can still see us on Thanksgiving You know mom would make a turkey and we'd all gather around help her stuff it gee Yeah, it makes me homesick the same way at our house mother would bake a cake and oh We'd all gather around and help her try to lift it out of the oven You know honey, well we're on the subject of families It's just occurred to me that you've been going with Al for quite some time and you know nothing of his background come to think of it I don't know did he ever mention any brothers or sisters? No in fact. He never even mentioned a mother or father He's probably an only child Yeah Came out of an egg I get kind of disgusted with you sometimes now here is a man with whom you're contemplating marriage and you know nothing about him Remember honey when you marry a man you marry his family Come in. It's only me, Professor Kropatki Hello, Jane and Irma my two little rooftops one with a loose shingle Hi, Professor. Excuse me a little joke. I picked up from a carpenter Well, what's new Jamie? Oh professor. I'm having another one of my sessions with Irma You see I'm trying to convince her that it's important that she find out about Al's family as long as she's got matrimony on her mind Oh sure Irma Jane is right. It's very important that you know the background of the person you intend to marry You know there are two things that shape a man's character heredity and environment I don't know what they mean. Well, that's simple heredity is like when you say his father was a bum and he's a bum What's environment that's when you come from a house full of bombs Of course there I know sometimes it's hard to trace a man's origin Take me. I can't tell you where I was born because I don't know why not When I was a little baby, I was found by a band of gypsies For 12 years. I lived in a cave. It was dark and wet and cold Oh, that's terrible. What do you mean terrible? I live better than than I do now upstairs But fortunately I turned out to be a charming fellow Well, I think Al is all right and I don't want to private pry into his private life Come in Hello girls. Oh, it's you. Mrs. O'Reilly. Come on in. Oh, there you are professor journey hold her back What's wrong? What happened? Oh, I don't mind a little kidding about me age But this time the professor's gone too far. Look at the note. I found on the big door. Let me see Yesterday was Washington's birthday. So I must stick to the facts When Washington chopped down the cherry tree, tell me Mrs. O'Reilly, did you hand him the axe? Professor well, you tell her to leave me alone one minute she floats with me and the next she nags me for the rent I Don't want anything to do with her for love or money You know now now please the two of you now now hush look Irma to get back to Al and his family Oh, it's no use talking. I'm not going to ask Al about his family background. Oh, but you should me darling I remember when I was a young girl. Oh It seems like yesterday Believe me, Mrs. O'Reilly. It's been a long day in between Go on with you What I'm trying to say is that one day. I met a policeman on a horse What a beautiful animal in two weeks. We were married Where did you go on your honeymoon sent Anita? Now listen here you I don't mind you're picking on me But I'm trying to explain to Irma how important a man's family is sure sweetie We're just doing it for your own good if Al was half a man. He'll tell you about himself But Jane don't be ridiculous if he was half a man. He'd be too short for me Who that must be Al come in Hello Jane. Hi chicken. Hello Al honey We were just running along Al. Come on, Mrs. O'Reilly. I got the surprise for you The price certainly I'll show you the new window the wind put in my wall Goodbye girls Sorry, they went wanted to tell him about my new deal. Oh, no another one of your deals What is it this time Al putting feathers on frogs and selling them for squabs? Oh No, nothing so amateurish got one a little off the beaten track It's a special jacket for suspicious characters. So when a cop says stick them up a skirt falls down He ain't got the nerve to frisky Guys Jane wasn't it lucky wasn't I lucky to hook a fellow like Al? I'm not so sure. I'd like to see the ones that got away Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna take a shower Honey, where's my shower cap? Oh, I let it to Professor Karpotkin at rain last night. Oh Oh It's grand. Well, I won't wet my hair. I'll just stand on my head Caustic character Well, chicken what are we waiting for? That's you and I take over the sofa. No, I don't sit on the sofa with strangers Strangers chicken. What are you talking about? Oh, I don't know anything about you Chicken do you like to I put my arms around you? Yes, you like to wear a kiss you the way I let you sit on my lap Yes, and how can you say you don't know anything about me? That's beside the point a Man's lap has nothing to do with his background Chicken I don't get it Al before I let you kiss me. I'd like to know something about your family tree Chicken, I don't like this question Shows a lack of trust and true love can only exist on mutual confidence. It's got to be 50 50 What do you mean 50 50? You don't ask me any questions. I don't give you any answers You get it Yes, that's 50 50 Okay, chicken. Let's get back to the sofa. Oh, well, we're not making any progress for getting back to the sofa to me That's progress Well, I insist on knowing about your family. Well chicken if nothing else will satisfy you There's only one man who can help who else who else but hello Joe Now Got a problem Joe your folks used to know most of my relatives. I've been away so long. I kind of forgot what were they like? uh-huh, uh-huh uh-huh What else is no Joe No, no Joe. Thanks. You don't have to give me the visiting days them joints. Give me the chill Goodbye Joe. Oh, did you find out anything about your family? Joe didn't know a thing What were you saying about visiting days? Uh, they're all expecting babies Al you're not fooling me. You don't want me to know about your family. Look chicken. Can we discuss this some other time? I got to meet the boys So I think I'll be running along But chicken Ain't you gonna kiss me? No Al you have no sisters. No brothers. No cousins or uncles no one to identify you How do I know it's you? Goodbye, well if that's the way you feel where's my coat? Goodbye Well honey you're crying Where's Al? God, well, don't cry sweetie. He'll be back. Oh, gee. It's all my fault I shouldn't have insisted in finding out about his past after all you love the guy and I I'm a what's that envelope on the floor by your feet envelope? Oh This yeah, is it yours? Oh Janet has Al's name on it. Maybe he left me a note. I'll read it honey honey if it's a dress to add you shouldn't read his mail What is it sweetie? It's a letter to Al from another woman Dear baby, I just read your last letter and it brought back those tender moments when I held you in my arms Oh honey, let me see that letter Elizabeth, New Jersey. Oh, so that's her name He can have Miss Jersey Ladies for fast dishwashing and protection for your hands swan is the answer because swan's exclusive Supercreamed blend means pastor suds in the dish pan suds that rinse away. So completely dishes never need drying Supercreamed blend protects your hands, too. They're left as smooth and lovely as ever Yes, swan is the perfect dishwashing soap. Thanks to swan's exclusive supercreamed blend and ladies Listen for the names of the big contest winners later in the program Her heart is broken Just broken. I've never seen her so upset since the night she thought Al called her an animal because he invited her to the Elk's dinner Anyway, now she's convinced that Al is leading a double life and since in a way I'm kind of responsible for the turn of events I've decided to get to the bottom of this whole affair and I phoned Al to come right over Come in Oh, Janie. Oh, where's Irma? She went out Al. I Want to start off by telling you that I think you are the lowest type of cad there is and That your despicable behavior is only equaled by your unmitigated low-down conniving methods Look Jane if you call me down here just for a character analysis How could you do such a horrible thing? What horrible thing? Well, all right I'll come to the point. Who is this other woman? You've been running around with other woman Jane what kind of a dope do you take me for? I love Irma. Now listen now. You're not playing with children Take a look at this letter Irma found it. They see My darling baby. Oh, so that's where I lost it Jane This is part of a letter my mother wrote to me your mother You have a mother. Sure. I got a mother. How do you think I got here war surplus? I Got a mother in Elizabeth, New Jersey Well, why have you been keeping it a secret? I can understand your mother not wanting it to get around but I But but surely Irma should know well, I know Jane, but it's a pretty delicate situation You see I'm all my mom has gotten this world and well, I've been sort of pulling a little wool over her eyes You mean she thinks you're working More than that. I told her I'm a big success See I sent her half my unemployment check and with a little to pop left as she gets by okay, and I'd rather die than disillusion her Yeah, but but Al doesn't she question the fact that you only send her $10 if you're so important Well, she did but I explained that if I didn't practice thrift, I would never become president of General Motors Corporation How could you ever get your mother to believe that oh, I had Joe print up these letterheads. Yeah, let me see General Motors Corporation assets $60 million President Al Address main office general delivery box 42, New York City. Oh You think I'm a crumb, huh Jane? No No, I think I kind of like you a little more than I did five minutes ago I wouldn't want you to hurt your mother. Thanks Jane. I figured you'd understand Yeah, but I'm the smallest part of your problem Alarm is certain you're carrying on with another girl And there's only one way to clear the whole thing up. Oh invite your mother over here so we can meet her Then Irma will see for herself. Well, I want mom to meet her. I'm up, but I'm afraid she might learn the truth about me And that would break her heart. Yeah, but don't worry. I'll I'll back you up in everything you say when I'm finished Your mother will think you own the Taj Mahal. Okay, Jane. I'll call her up and have her here and now good Al That'll be fine. I'm sure Irma will have finished committing suicide by then and she'll be back Right Jane and look whatever you do. No remarks about me being unemployed. Oh, no, no But but Al how about your suit? How do you explain all those creases? Looks like it's been pressed in a mix master. Oh I always tell mom. I don't have time to go to the bank and my pockets are full of stocks and bonds Come right in and up here in the Bronx and the dumps Look, Gary. This place is just as good as where you live. You got married face and his name is Al What happened Gary? He's been going out with another woman Oh, it's the same old story. You never can trust a man. And if you do find one you can trust he ain't worth trusting I'm so disappointed I always thought my Al was different from other men Well, he is different. Did you find out about this other woman Irma? I found a letter from her Oh, Amber, it's so hard to believe. Maybe I made a mistake. Maybe maybe I'll come explain it somehow Dearie, they all have alibi He'll give you some line like uh, like it was his dear old mother Well, don't fall for it So many guys have used that excuse when they two time me that for a while I thought every day was mother's day I love him and And I'd like to give him a chance to explain how I know he wouldn't pull that old mother line on me Well, go ahead and find out cool him up I think I will And I'll show him just for that. I won't tell him about that extra unemployment check waiting for him. Hello Hello, Albert chicken. Don't you chicken me you you Amber is this a party line? Yeah Al someday if you ever call me on a private wire, I'll tell you what I think of you No, no, wait a minute Irma. I can explain that letter you found is from my mother your mother Amber you were right Well, dairy He says it's his mother His girlfriend dressed up like an old lady just to fool you If I were you the minute I got in the door, I'd grab her wig and pull it right or Little lady amber. I just want to tell her what I think of him. That's all. Yeah Well, well, well just tell him he's up He's a 20th century blue beard with the spine of a jellyfish and you've had your fill of his line And that somewhere there's a man who'd like to meet a nice blonde like you. Thanks amber I'll try to remember And look Irma Don't worry about losing that guy. Yeah, you can always get a fell up here in the Bronx They may not be no well-coward, but to me pants is pants Hello Jane I'd like to have you meet my mother just call her mom. Oh, I'm very glad to know you mom Come on in make yourself comfortable. Thank you Jane. Albert has told me all about you Where's Irma? Oh, she'll be here shortly. I was just about to have some tea. Will you join me? Oh, thank you. I drink as much tea as I can You see I feel that it helps albert Helps albert. Yes, it comes from india and albert tells me he has a place there called the Taj Mahal Yes Well mom, I I'm uh, I'm surprised I haven't met you before but I don't suppose you come to manhattan very often No, I don't like to bother my albert. You see, I'm just a little old lady and my son is so busy and so important After all it takes time to run a big business like general motors and general electric Excuse me, yeah, did you say general motors and general electric? Certainly. He also owns general mills But he doesn't talk about that that's just for pin money. Yes, I understand I keep telling albert. He shouldn't work so hard after all one million more or less. What does it matter? Your health comes first Oh my Well, I guess it's better than having a son who's lazy and unambitious Why I understand some men never work at all. They just sit around and can elect unemployment checks every week But not my albert Excuse me got kind of hard to swallow the tea that is As you were saying, I suppose uh men like that are pretty low. Yes, but thank goodness My albert is different. I was so afraid he'd be like his father albert senior. He never worked No, he was always working on some kind of a deal, but never made a nickel Married 30 years and didn't start to support me until after he passed away That's life insurance I uh, I wonder what's keeping chicken. Oh, I'm so anxious to meet her Jane She must be a wonderful girl judging by the way albert always describes her in his letters Has she got a good head on her shoulders? Uh, well, she has a pretty head on her shoulders But is she smart? Uh, well, she's uh, uh, oh here. Here's her. I'm a right now Hello, honey. Hi chicken Al you are a 20th century fish not filled up with jelly There are plenty of men who would like a blonde girl with a blue beard Hold it chicken Irma, this is my mother. I'm not so dumb I'm glad they kept avoiding that question Al, who do you think you're kidding? Uh, what's new elizabeth? Elizabeth Irma listen listen. This is al's mother. She comes from elizabeth new jersey. You Oh, you mean Oh, al I'm so ashamed. I oh well, um, it's very hard for most people to believe that Plain little lady like me could be the mother of such an important man Thanks mom Forget by guns, Irma. All right, and I wanted to think I was so angry Why I wasn't going to tell you that there's an extra check for you at the unemployment office Oh No, yes, you you see yes, they they wanted al to to to check on on how many men he needs for his new Magnesium plant. I think it was um 65,000 A magnesium plant so many men. Uh, but yes to uh To to milk all them cows I'm gonna make milk of magnesium At the unemployment, honey, let's all go out and have dinner shall we? Oh, that's a great idea But but it's gotta be on me understand uh understand No, no al no You've been treating us to so many parties on your yacht and And taken us to theaters and ban quits and everything and I insist on paying Well, I'll give in this time This so will make your class conscious Here's my arm mother. Here's your ten dollars al. Let's go Folks in just a minute There'll be an open telegram to the big winner in the first week of the 100,000 dollar lever fur contest As well as the names of second prize winners But first have you entered this exciting fur contest yet? Here's all you do in 25 words or less Tell why you like any one of these six lever products Swan soap lux flakes lux toilet soap life boy rinso or spry Enter as many times as you wish the contest is subject to rules on the entry blank at your dealers Just and close with each entry a wrapper or a box top from any one of these lever products And remember there are 1,645 prizes in all 329 each week Yes, each week there are prizes like these one $3,000 mink coke three $1,000 fur coats Five smart fur jackets worth $500 as well as 320 other prizes of valuable furs and cash But now An open telegram to the big winner of the first week's lever fur contest To mrs. John D. Hargrave 158 Brantley street northeast at latin georgia You win a $3,000 mink coat or the cash Congratulations mrs. Hargrave Here are the names of the second prize winners who win beautiful $1,000 fur coats or the cash mrs. Helen has cleveland, ohio mrs. Mildred sayward south windom main mrs. Lewis binder philadelphia, pennsylvania The other 325 winners of valuable furs and cash will be notified by mail It's not too late to enter this week's contest closes february 29th Think how grand you'd look in a gorgeous $3,000 mink coat send your entry now to lever fur contest box one new york city That's lever fur contest box one new york city Well, here we are at dinner and it's really a wonderful family gathering Irma is terribly happy because she's just turned to the mother of the president of general motors general electric and general mills and points west and said Please don't worry mother when al and i get married you're not losing a son You're gaining a wife And you know that makes sense to you. You're no better off than my friend urma My friend urma presented by swan another fine product of lever brothers company was produced and directed by sci-howard Tonight's script was written by sci-howard and park levy folks next monday evening listen again to our friend swan with my friend urma Starring mary wilson is urma and kathy lois is jane the part of professor krapotkin was played by haunts conread Ladies listen the shortage of fats and oils is still very serious and it's worldwide So please keep on saving every drop of used kitchen fat. Your butcher will pay you for every pound frank bingman speaking You bet there's a reason why spry is the cake making wonders spry has an amazing cake improver secret Try the sure spry one bowl way and be certain of lighter finer richer cakes every time No other type of shortening has spry's cake improver secret for new cake making success rely on spry Pure all vegetable spry with cake improver rely on spry spry Tune in next week one hour earlier and listen to the lux radio theater immediately followed by my friend urma This is cbs where 99 million people gather every week the columbia broadcasting system