 Men don't breastfeed each other, you know that. They don't do that, it's not a thing. God, that was such an embarrassing meeting, man. What are you thinking, Matt? Are we live? 27 countries. It's less this year. Yeah, sorry. Honestly. Welcome to episode number 18 of the Marti. And Michael, who's here? I'm fully actual podcast. It's fully actual. This is number 18. We've got 22 episodes left. We're nearly halfway through the year. Why do you think it's the legal age to drink in Australia? It's 18. And the legal age to drink in the United States of America is 21. So it is? Fuck that. Man, 18's like fuck. I remember being when you're like 15, you think I'm old enough to drink, but the older you get, the more ridiculous. It seems that you can, because I was a child at 18. I was still a fucking child. Oh, yeah. I was a fucking child. I still am. I shouldn't be allowed to. It should go on based on your maturity levels. I should have a test that tests your maturity. And if you're bloody, if you don't pass it, you don't get a fucking beer yet, can't. You don't get any diesel. Because the shit you did when we were drunk is unacceptable. I still do, and you do it too. Excuse me. You... What's the last thing you fucking did? And you've been pretty good lately. You have been weeing. I know, did you wee in any bars last couple of weeks ago? Well, I think so. No. But... But? What about, what's your opinion on drugs? What age do you reckon you should do drugs? Not till later when your brain's done. Yeah, when your brain's done. I reckon like, if you did pingas in high school every weekend, it's gonna be pretty rough in your 20s. A lot of my mates did. And they're all, like, but they're all okay. But, yeah, it did worry me. Like, you don't wanna do them every weekend when you're in high school. Drugs weren't even a thing when we were little pussycats. We just knew about alcohol. We didn't even start pingas till we were like 22. Yeah, that's funny, because when we were 17, going on 18, it was like, pingas and weed, and it was heavy. Even weed, I'd be like... What the fuck were you talking about? I don't know, we had to cut then for a second. Now it's thrown us off, and we're really sorry. What the fuck are we talking about, Matt? Drugs? You're talking about the weekend, what you did? Oh, yeah, I love it though. And just back on drugs quickly. Anyway, moving on now. I googled your 21 drinking age, and I don't know if this is the exact answer, but it kind of annoys me. It says the Drinking Age Act of 1984 basically laid the laws down in America about the illegal drinking age. And it said most of it was enabled in all states because they said here that 10% of their federal highway funding would not be given to them if they didn't make the law 21 in all states. So it was forced by the government to be put in. From what I see, if anyone is from America can explain that in the comments, please do. Well, I see people in Europe and shit, the drinking age is 16, and they're fine. So I guess if you introduce to it slowly, you're sweet. But go fucking massive on it when you get 21 or 18. To come to think of it, the only reason we binge drank is because no one fucking showed us how to drink responsibly. So we would fucking get dudes to buy us piss when we're like 14 and then just neck everything down. And then we develop these horrible habits, these horrible, horrible habits. I imagine the same shit had happened with drugs. So just do everything in moderation and be careful out there. I know it's a boring answer, but that's just, we're wise now. What's your back? Also, what the fuck are you meant to do from 18 to 21 if you can't drink? What do you do? You're an adult then, really, in like physically. Think about it. So what you can't, you just fucking walk down and you go to the cafe. Go to the mall? You go to the mall like the teenagers? What did you do from 15 to 17? You got blind. Went to school, Matt. Went to parties. You did not. Went to parties, you went to parties. Went to school every day. From 18 to 21, you just go to parties. Yeah, college parties, all that sort of stuff. Yeah, I don't know. I'm fucking, I'm putting my hands down to that. I reckon they're up to something, but they just got to get other people to buy up for them. Just everyone do anything, all right? Prohibition doesn't fucking work. Anyway, this is sponsored by this beautiful podcast is sponsored by Manscaped, all right? We have a new discount code. I haven't even told you boys this. Apparently our discount code got leaked on some discount site, right? Oh, wow. And they wanted us to change it to fully actual 20. All right, so our new discount code is fully actual 20. So if you wanna buy some mail grooming shit from manscaped.com, use our discount code fully actual 20, and you will get 20% off everything that you buy. All right. How did it get leaked? I don't know. I don't know, but there you go. So it's a new discount code now, fucking buy. If you need to buy some mail grooming shit, you may as well use our discount code, get some 20% off, okay? May as well fucking do it. The other fucking sponsor of this podcast and the one that funds our fucking entire life is the University of Markela subscription website where we post weekly vlogs. They're 20 to 30 minutes long. They're fucking massive behind the scenes of all the videos and just some crazy shit that we can't post to social media or anywhere. Well said. Weekly. Very well said. You can sign up to 21 day free trial. See if you like the content. It's $10 a month. Yeah, fuck, it helps us out. But if you wanted to help us out, you can't afford that and you still wanna help us out. Just like the video, subscribe it. Yeah, thanks. Definitely check if the windows and doors are shut. Yeah, just subscribe. Engage with the video, the comment. Yeah, if you can, if it's easy, just give a quick thumbs up to the video. Leave a comment. If you can't think of a comment, you think I'm freaking out. I don't wanna come on, I might not be funny. Just write the best. Comment the words. The best, it's a comment. YouTube sees it. Fuck, these guys are good. Show them to your sister and also subscribe. Okay, there's 30% of you that watch and that aren't subscribed. It helps if you subscribe. Are you really subbed, Matt? To what? Subscribe. To what? Fully actual. To the actual podcast. Yeah, 100%. I'll believe you, I'll believe you. Yeah, if you wanna follow our fully actual Instagram, we've got Marty and Michael fully actual, fucking Matt surrounding that. You're gonna have to fucking chat to Matt, send him some pictures. He loves pictures. Loves pictures. Good and bad. And that's about all the boring shit out of the way, eh? Well, man. Yeah, and the weekend, what else did we do? We played golf. At a couple of your family events. I won. I won, I beat James and Matthew Brown. I limped around the golf course cause I've got gout at the moment. These joints were all thick. I got through it though. It's so fucking fun, isn't it? I could play golf every day. How nice is that course? I mean, it's not like the best course in the world, but it was very, yeah, in the middle of nowhere. You can hear the birds. We saw last podcast, I saw lots of comments, people being like, explain toca, cause we talk about this sport we've invented. People have asked for, somebody asked for a vlog. Yeah, so I don't want to, cause it'll take ages to explain. You sort of need to be playing it so you can explain it. So I don't, it'd be weird if we explained it on the podcast and like it'd be like five minutes of just boring rule explaining. It'd be so shit. Oh, we could do this. I can write up an explanation in letter form. All right, I'll copy that and whoever comments on there, I will put that explanation to the comment that they put. If you do that, they want to know, if they really want to know about toca. Why don't we do this? We'll film it, we'll film it just of the rules and we'll post it to the Marty and Michael fully actual Instagram account. We should patent it. What's patent it mean? Isn't that when you like, you buy the fucking rights? Trademark it? Yeah. So that no one else can ever play it. Yeah. We could sell it. Start a league. No, we'll give it to free. I think everyone, anyone, they already do it. Everyone does it anyway. Yeah. It's probably confusing to people. We've just got different. People, there's probably like hundreds of variations of what we do is what we're saying. We're not saying that people will play this game called toca. Cause well, that's just a name that we came up with. All right. It's just kicking a fucking ball, using a tennis court and kicking a soccer ball back and forth like volleyball rules except the ball can bounce once in between touches and then you score it like you do a tennis match. It's fucking fun. I think about it. It's a rough explanation and Michael is obsessed with it. Yeah. It's gotten bad. Ever since I became single, I'm just like toca everything. But it's become very competitive. We've all, our experience level at it has grown and we're all getting really good at it. Oh, fuck. I wish we were playing now. We are. See? Oh, yeah. Fucking, that's shit talk, man. Mm. That's fucking shit talk. It's just pretty. We met Julian's mom and family today. We haven't met the whole family. That vlog will be out right now. If you're subscribed to the website, we went to Julian's house. We interviewed his mom about Julian's fucked up behavior. Yeah. Fucked up. So he's beautiful house. Many, many his brothers. Yeah. And man. He like had the sweetest fucking upbringing. His mom is so nice. Michael thinks she's very attractive. No. Okay. The reason why- Michael said after that he wants to fuck her heart. No, I did not say that. I said I would love if she was single, I'd love her for her to look after me like a kid. I just want to be tucked in and shit. To look after me. And then- More like a nurturing. Splash my cum all over the mirror. That's what you said word for word. Well, I want her to just look after me. I find that she'd be a nurturer. I just want her to tuck me in at night and cook me some dinner and tell me everything's going to be okay. And if she could breastfeed you, you would. You maybe. Definitely. I don't know, I hate breast milk. So Michael now wants to fuck Julien's mom really badly. I just want to move in and for you to look after me. Yeah, with Jordy. Because she reminds me of my mom. But that's sort of weird. I did hear you have a very lovely mother. Yeah. Have you met his mom? No, never. The same sort of, they're just really nice. Like welcoming people. That's what my mom's like. And I can tell that Julien's- Like Julien had the sweetest upbringing. I can guarantee it. He was a menace to them. And she's still fucking just cops it on chin. She loved him. There's always two sides to every story, man. You never know. Julien's dad could have fucked him. I doubt that from- You never know, all right? You never know. From the outside appearance, it seems like he had the right environment to be a doctor. Julien should be a doctor. I think he is. Well, he films doctors and scientists. He's a part of a practice. He's learning. We teach him our ways and he's getting there. I reckon he could save someone having a heart attack, man. Yeah, he'd just punch him in the fucking sternum. Or throw him off a bridge. But yeah, fucking- We heard some fucking funny stories. Some funny stories. Now, Julien's turned out from that. So that's out on the website now if you want to go and have a cheeky peek. I don't know what social media video is out right now. Yeah, we sort of clang-clang-clanged. Yeah, fucking oath we did come. With the fucking podcast, though, again, it's just, I know I talk about it a lot. Love and seeing the growth. It's fucking, we're getting like, we get more comments on the podcast now than we do like our main YouTube channel. And the podcast is 20K, our main channel's like 830 or some shit. Yeah, that's what. That's fucking crazy shit, man. It's so good that people get it. So many comments, so many likes. It's just fucking, it's lovely to see everyone. All righty for us. All right. Now, it's time. Now further is time to find out what we all wrote in our diaries on this day. Fucking however many years ago. All right? Now, Matt, you cop on a bit of heat from this because your diary entries are quite fucked, aren't they? But you just, you're sort of just thinking you want people to know, so people can, there's someone else with this issue, with this problem that, you know, there's a way out and you have made it out the other side. Well, it's like a murderer or a rapist committing the crime and then making a book about it. Hang on, you just related me to a murderer or a rapist? It's horrible. You're using that as an example. That's a horrible example. Well, it's like a really, really, it's like fucking Hitler writes a book. No, you just put me on par with Hitler. Okay. It's Dennis Ferguson. No, that's even worse. Okay. All right. Fucking, I don't know. Matt, with all you need to know is Matt's come out of the other side and he's a normal person now, but he had his mental demons and his psychologist, thank God, would tell him to write down his diaries every day. And he was very detailed, but that helped you get over a very strange mental episode you were going through. Just get on with it. You gotta put it on paper. Sometimes you gotta put it on paper. Just get on with it. But first we'll do mine and Michael's and we'll see how fucked we were back then. Is Julian there? Yeah, Julian's got one. Julian's got one too. His writing's quite messy though. It's hard to translate. Anyway, diary entry number 167 from Michael Corey Brookhouse. To save time, I found that wiping my ass three times after shitting gets rid of the most of the chunks and the rest just dries in between my cheeks and is easily picked off later. I had custard for breakfast. Yeah, Michael used to have fucking a liter bottle of custard for breakfast. He'd be like, I'm a bit fucking hungry. We'd wake up fucking midday. I'm a bit fucking hungry and he'd walk upstairs, pull a liter bottle of custard out and he would sit there and drain the fucking carton into his fucking gullet. And his eyes would be closed. He'd be fucking moaning and he'd pose. He'd come... And then on we went either way these days. That's how fucked his diet used to be. Yeah it was bad, okay. Man, surely that's hurt you somehow. Well fuck, I don't know. That's probably heaps of shit going wrong but let's just forget about it and move on. Alright. Dioranger number 188 from Marty today I was laughed at by the entire school because someone overheard me speaking German to my mom on the phone The amount of times I've just sat there pointed at him and Pissed myself until he's just slowly walked away as he's been on the phone to his mom It's so good dude you did it the other day I was well behaved but inside I was dying Yeah, that's funny Dioranger number 38 from Julian James Tennyson Woods from Ashgrove or some shit 4060 till I die Don't mess with me. I've got a hammer today. I taught some year fives how to graffiti It's good to recruit them young cuz like that way our gang stays alive if we ever get pinched by the blue dogs Off to find some prostitutes tonight. Haha you Ashgrove Northwest North North's for life. Can't dog fuck off That makes sense. Yeah And Matt's of course is quite detailed here. All right, let's see this could be You know, he could be already clearing up mentally could be in a much better place I don't know. I haven't read it. What this one yet Because you know, he did get better as he got older like these thoughts and behaviors faded anyway Dioranger number 1421 from Matthew Gregory Brown Oh It was a still spring evening. I Lazily sat in my room and was watching a fly crawl across my bare chest It felt good and tickled and my nipples hardened The fly flew up and landed on my eye. It continued to crawl from one eyeball to the next I blinked and crushed the fly with my eyelids. I smiled silly fly Then I saw some movement out of the corner of my eye I stood and looked at the window to see a large male cat mating with a much smaller female cat They were both growling at each other and the male cat had the female pinned My heart skipped a beat as I watched the male cat ease his little lipstick into the female pussy's pussy I started to sweat and I realized I was jealous My jaw clenched and my hands turned to fists that female cat was on my property And the only one fucking things on my property should be me. I will not I Will not be second best to this large male cat I thrust my window open as my rage became unbearable I grabbed the only weapon close to me Which was my hard crusted come rag and I flung myself out of my second story bedroom The fall was much higher than I anticipated and I landed on my feet my ankles exploded on impacts But I did not feel the pain the cats had spotted me and froze I launched myself at the fucking cats and in their panic They became twisted and confused my broken ankle bones crunched and rolled around under my skin as I sprinted But it did not slow me just as I arrived at the fucking cats They separated and split I dove to forwards and grabbed the male cat's tail It turned and began slicing my hand and forearm to pieces my grip on its tail tightened And I grabbed the cat's nutsack with my free hand with one quick twist The testicles were removed and the cat was now screeching and I launched it of my fence I turned to the female cat it has it had turned back to look at me Big mistake I screamed I threw my hard crusted come rag with all my brown might The come rag connected with the female cat and it was knocked unconscious instantly I power walked over on my shattered ankles and stood over the pussy with my thick brown I knelt down and finished what the male cat couldn't my brown flesh exploded as I drove my mat sauce deep into the cat As soon as I finished I was snapped back to reality the pain from my ankles hit me And I looked around to see my shocked neighbors staring at me My cat she yelled I started dragging my body back to the house My yard my rules I crawled back into my home and locked the doors I might get a pet I thought to myself I don't remember any of that that's why you write it down I get it now I get it it makes sense like because it seems like you black out like you mentioned you sort of snap back after you'd finished I should get a pet yeah did you ever get one yeah I got a dog named Jake for Jake the snake blue healer I've only done two farts today so I don't know how we'll go you gotta have beans then I don't know what it is I don't know what meal I need to have didn't you say you mon may be it was you're right maybe I should have beans in everyone it's like universal but sometimes I have beans just in the mornings and I don't fuck maybe the night before yeah maybe I need beans the night before to fuck question time question time now you guys write in your questions right remember the questions we answer are the ones on our YouTube channel on the fully actual YouTube channel the ones with the most likes okay so when you're commenting have a scroll and if you see a question that you want us to answer give it a like right because that pushes it higher yeah that's how we do it here and we read all of the comments don't forget so if you want to ever tell us something let us fucking know because we literally read all of them there's some funny shit there I saw a funny one a real random one the other day oh one made me laugh the other night something about it's probably the same one fuck yeah it would have been a zoo yeah that rings a bell anyway we read all the comments so fucking keep them coming right and keep the questions coming even if we don't answer your question one week come back next week try again don't give up man those cases a comment helps us out look at us man what pieces of shit 32 31 40 I wish we had tits sometimes they come imagine all the fucking tricks you could do just grab them as hard as you can imagine smashing both tits and making it look like it's just one nipple to breast one nipple as well if you line it probably be so good glue glue them together dude if I was a girl that's a fucking great video you could do like weird super glue tricks with your tits if we would glue them up on your shoulders the nipples of man pointing the sky to the sky I just realized if we were chicks and we just started only fans and do shit like that we put my put my tits in your ass we do all sorts of shit fireworks up our pussies yeah I reckon yeah having boobs would be fine so let's get him I was a very very close before we even before we started making money we're from videos we're desperate so poor fucking nearly homeless so much debt and no real light we there was no light at the end of the tunnel we didn't know when we're gonna start making money from videos so we would I remember the time I fucking we wrote on our Facebook page I'm gonna cut my pinky finger off like a fucking donate me 50k like a go fund me yeah if we could get to 50k I was gonna cut my pinky because you could get one like contacting us saying you guys yeah you're right and then I had to delete it and then like I remember you said if we got a TV show I get a press we had a high budget yeah high budget show so maybe Netflix the future we'll fucking you'll get a breast in the center of your back breasting best imagine that imagine like you could even if like a girl got it you could use it as like a handle like be like a nice handle like as you're having like doggy style yeah I could just get a handle implanted on my back yeah I could just get a door handle and you can open it somehow and if you twist it open then your asshole opens up you close it and you can see it was fossil like a fossil anyway strange energy in the basement tonight there's a small pool of small table tennis table someone said okay I saw a comment about the flute you've got to hold these holes no cuz look ready without holding holes I've watched it yeah still works yeah you got to have the holes to make different notes did you wash it I think so he wants to play it yeah I'm gonna put it if I have a fart I'm willing to put this in my ass and then we'll see if it plays I reckon the arrow escape out the sides if you shove it all away in I reckon your fight will get stopped because you got something coming in yeah I don't know it's like a one-way lane someone's got a you might like to let the other one shove it in and squeeze your cheeks together at the same time so you have tight I'll put it in you have to squeeze the cheeks together yeah so it's anti and then I just push maybe we can do one now anyway let's get to the questions all right Michael's gonna shit yourself again yeah wait let's just calm down let's not get to let's not get too carried away nice clothes today yeah oh everyone this is our website this is one of these yeah for our vape so we're adding shit to it soon too so don't worry I know there's fucking $400 vapes come and dot com cutting CUTN dot com.au it's very important you remember the AU you can buy your vapes all sorts of weird paraphernalia stuff on there but we have to be careful and add things slowly so just give it a bit of time we'll let you know when we add some cooler shit to it right but if you want to one of these packs the fucking 500 bones to fire it up very very good okay I want some now questions next question first question about breasts and shit my god excited about having that's why it took so long to get the story how long was that my fault you guys went on about breasts next question alright first question is from Stelio and this was the most liked question and it's for me Matt Brown does your little brown get excited when Marty reads your diary entries and truth is I get quite on edge because I just don't know what's coming I'm comfortable with some would say he's quite uncomfortable with his little diary entries question from the captain Barracuda Marty do you prefer to go down on a cow before or after you've had your way with them I don't go down on that's fucked up it's usually like yeah it's just pure fuck drive driving my fuck stick straight down it's guts that's all I'm doing and I'm fucking doing as much damage I'm ripping and pulling and punching and swaying my arms around as I fuck do you have fists or open palm it varies whatever's gonna inflict more damage if it's a hairy beast I tend to wrap their hair around my fists and stand up powerfully oh yeah I can see that there's a whole range of shit that happens man maybe I should make diary entries about the cow fucking episodes oh it could help me get over yeah that was you ever fucked one in ages well I've just been too busy do you have some diary entries around the time you started I've never I've never but I would too just like you Matt I would black out during these episodes so we have that in common but I just pure that I got cows you go for well from what I can read pretty much anything anything living our next question is from a Reuben mate are you guys still planning on bringing out a book that you guys are talking about I think he's referring to the a time we're on the podcast we've read out about doing a book of the past yeah yeah so Ivan met with a an author and a guy who can hook hook us up with a publisher and we just sort of discussed the things I'd be would be allowed to write in the book and things that we wouldn't be allowed to write in the book and I was some pretty shit news I can't divulge all of the fucked up shit that led to us being right here at this table because it's it could get me arrested that's so silly but I'll yeah it's I'm still going I'm still gonna it's still gonna go ahead I'm still gonna write the book but you guys have to write like a sample chapter send it off and then and then see how we go and I'll see if I can dance around the fuck the one sort of aspect that it's probably so it's probably creating so much confusion and annoyance if I was hearing this I'd be like fuck you fuck yeah tell us sorry I'm not allowed to but it's pretty yeah it's pretty crazy where we nearly fucked everything up so many times it's a fucking man we will fucks come I saw some comments from some South Africans and and I looked at we have a we have a percentage of years from South Africa from Canada for all over the fucking world so fucking legends all right you South Africans I see you and Canadians Scandinavians see you too I mean some Estonians what are Europeans definitely Icelandics what about Icelandics we definitely had Bosnian remember that we had a Bosnia comment next question is from David Tarska boys Simpsons or Futurama favorite one? Simpsons like was pretty shit hot when I was a kid and then Futurama wasn't quite as good but then like I think now maybe Futurama but not but then like Family Guy came along and just blew that shit out of me and now I watch Simpsons and it's like so fucking so PG I'm just seeing I've never been into cartoons yeah I know you don't like it's strange that everyone was banging on about South Park I never got into it South Park is very I never really watched South Babuna do it's very funny every time and that documentary one week to air or whatever I think fucking cool shit I watched that too yeah that was one week to air it's like a documentary on how a South Park episode is made from what they want from in seven days because it's seven days to air or something yeah and it's fucking awesome I see how they brainstorm and shit yeah next question is from Leem G did all of you ever beat or play a current former tennis professional or anyone who's played in the ATP tour yep I played I played a Tom Mick and Rock Hampton once he went up an age group and he fucking kicked my ass even though he was like three years four years younger than me yeah fuck but yeah he lived and breathed it yeah I don't think so I don't there is one player we played a few weeks ago but we can't mention his name yeah fucking but yeah like no no comment your country I'm happy to actually I would love to comment your country and Logan asked another question he said after the pandemic calms down which country would you love to visit that you haven't been to yet India really India is on the list yeah you're gonna go to the cow dung throwing fucking festival or Scandinavia India is a bit fucking it's a bit bloody like fucking there's like this that you drink the water right and you die yeah but so I don't make a lot of other like third world countries like yeah these days is like that South America fucking they've got some cool festivals so Henry went there and he sold it to me yeah I think I'm just a bit scared now from third world countries after what Bali did to me yeah you had a rough run but you just got to know how to travel them yeah fuck a new country either India or Scandinavia yeah but also the one we plan on Canada fucking Canada would be right yeah free of legal weed but yeah we'll go we'll go to as many countries as we can so I'm stressed we're not only gonna go to India actually you know I mean that's just if I probably yeah that's just me going on a little fucking journey I probably want to go to India by myself you're um you guys your experience in Bali though I can be in a lot of countries as it will be exactly the same have my phone stolen fucking two times yeah like France Spain like the like big pickpocketing world like countries there so it can happen anywhere I think but more so in fucking Bali twice I really don't know yeah it's fucking rife in Bali every fucking second person wants a knife your fucking bullshit I don't know I think I've been a fair few countries I've never been robbed luckily but and they put their fucking their holes on the side of their row you fucking walk a straight in on even the drain fucking front a couple of vowels and you fucking end up in a fucking ditch somewhere with your gums all fucked I can't even have a nice stroll sideways walking down the fucking right guys to remember popping out of their 7-elevens I'm looking around and he's no one's there and I look down his hole I literally couldn't walk in a straight line is everyone who's been to Bali will know that the drains along the streets yeah fuck that oh man that makes me cringe imagine pouring me head up in me fucking front easy on come next question is from Dylan Pemberton Michael are you ever worried about the after effects from all the abuse you go through it's been nothing permanent yeah I don't know I sort of each time you do a stunt and you get you get through it it's like you're a bit strong yeah you feel like a tick I'm stronger than that probably means the tick off the bucket is the abuse directly towards you you're a bit twitchier than you used to me yeah yeah I go to scratch my arm when he starts screaming or something yeah it's just yeah the I always cover dick and yeah when he walks past me he always covers his dick in his ass and you grab it I do not make you do it to me I always know where the tips are it's just like oh it's so irritating dude I can slap at him I reckon if you you guys were standing around me and blind followed me I'd still be able to yeah I don't know that no I reckon it's sort of you take the good with the bad and it's worth being around because a lot of the time you're laughing yeah we're very blessed to live the life that we are sure it's incredibly stressful sometimes but hey at the end of the day this we can't call this work yeah it's just us hanging out like we used to and filming it next question is from Aiden Hurlow has anyone thrown human shit at Judge Judy's back yet no I sort of gave up on that because I realized that she's nearly 80 and I watched yeah an interview of her she's lovely yeah she's a very kind sweet old woman still oh still I'd love to see a fresh human shit splatter all have a Judge Judy's back like I'd love to see it I'd watch it yeah I definitely want to love to see her reaction to that I wouldn't want her to know I wouldn't want to be there I want to see it on a video because I feel bad seeing it let's message her I want I wonder if she's on fucking Instagram I'm just gonna have a quick fucking cheeky cheeky cut next question is from Dan's garage do you think you to a sterile after all the nut shots you've taken of these gave me an idea Michael's we for the website let's go and get a sperm count and see who that's exactly what was suggested that's scary as from him what if we what if it comes back and we we have milk actual milk instead of sperm I'm happy with that we won't it's impossible you and we could even we could have it we could see putting that out there because they have to go to a room and shit we could see who can jerk off the quickest or who can who can summon the biggest load yeah well I think Jack asked it this years ago they had like a sperm Olympics easy content and or we can we can both jerk off in the same room but one of us is outside the door obviously while one's inside and one can try and distract the eye yeah dude that's gonna be the timing thing yeah it's gonna be so hard oh Jack us to the time thing how long it takes for each person to jack off yeah the odd so I don't think we're sterile and Michael might might have some testicular cancer when he likes 60 or 70 but yeah I think we're still quite quite potent next question is from a farm farm phone phone phone when will you guys film the series Marty verse Michael that'll be towards the end of the year so when we get our fucking reach restrictions fucked off out of here then we'll do a Marty verse Michael and yeah it's gonna be quite a shit 10 weeks it's coming but yeah we just want to we just gotta fucking get ahead first we're bloody on the back foot again bloody I can't on the back bonus count because one fucking tennis playing dog can't fuck this round for fucking four weeks next question is from next question from suave dars your insanity gives me sanity is that crazy or is that a theory well let's see I think it's yeah it could be insanity maybe it's because maybe it's just makes you feel not alone yeah then it makes you feel like oh there's some other kind out there is fucked up than me next question is from Josh Keo and a lot of us as you saw this a few times is a lot of people asked what your jumper was from Michael yeah people love his or something I don't know how is the store called Hallenstein I can never remember h.a.l.l.e. and s.t.e.i.n. and it has I found it before I thought I was gonna tell you before but I thought fuck it I'll tell him live on the podcast I did get a pen and stab through it once and I put it back in your room Matt do you want to go get it and show around I put a big hole in it no I didn't I thought I was gonna tell you live on the podcast where is it why not just something else I really like where is it Michael I put it in your room it's on my top of my fan he might he's lying top of my fan how much was only 60 bucks yeah but it was the last one there not wasn't it was he's like we've got that size in small oh yeah so they got small ones small is shit you need bag sag well anyway I like okay cool all right we're good I didn't do that so but that's where you get that jumper from sorry sorry how dare you how dare you swine I'm final question for today is from Christiana Ronaldo's fans apparently they watch have you guys ever had a paranormal activity type experience yeah we've surely we've talked about these we've spoken this about this on a previous podcast mine was with Charlie Charlie the spirit of Charlie Charlie spin it around I wish we still had that Q&A remember Q&A where that orb landed on your shoulder you looked over and it flew off that was weird and that was that happened and that happened while the wall that fucking weird shit was happening to you he's wearing all black he looks like he works on a stage oh yeah you don't say that come and show everyone Matthew come and show everyone he's a ventriloquist or something like what's performance every moment the book of Mormon see the black yeah fuck weird shit's happened if you fuck with it I reckon shit up goes down I had a little game and I was abusing this spirit because he actually every time we asked him a question the pencils would turn to yes Charlie Charlie Charlie and then I got obsessed with it and every fucking night I would set it up and I just one night kept it going everyone went to bed I was abusing the spirit for about an hour everyone to bed I stayed up editing then everything in the room like this just started turning on and off the computer the microwave that is so fucking lights were flickering for about 30 seconds and then you know when you're so scared you just don't move I just froze like this for so long and then it was about two minutes later I was like I'm gonna start moving got up and I looked at the coffee table where it was set up and the pencil to turn to yes well then I fucking ran upstairs woke up my roommates and just they told me I've got to stop this shit and I slept with the light and god damn it dude it was I can't watch horror movies anymore really dude it's so like I can't growing up why I just get scared easier because remember when you're a kid you can watch sore and all the gore was like yeah that's cool now all the gore puts me off and I feel sick after it opposite you get desensitized to you know it's all just bloody pencils and drawing I've become like real soft with it I can't I feel sick and if I can't like it's more I guess cuz I'm watching a horror by myself I get in my head and then I think super me around I want you fucking seeing you do half the shit on sore to your self-cunt yeah true but it's like the blow flew I want to call that the blow fish the blow blow flew blow okay I'm getting distracted yeah anyway that is the end of the questions remember if you want your question ask it's coming down below and we'll read it it will read all the comments next segment and there's a segment where we try and fucking hunt down a rumor or some shit I don't even know how you explain it and I don't feel like it but what we're gonna do is we're gonna message Shannon knoll and only Aussie is probably know who Shannon knows like the first ever Australian Idol and I'm sure every country watching this dude came second in the first ever season and he's like a bit super Aussie and he fucking he's got a fucking beard and shit yeah he's just he's just Australian celebrity yeah a certain Australian celebrity and we are gonna get him well he had a hit song right it wasn't really a hit song that's just cool he had a song and it was called drive and one of the lines one of the lines from drive was I've got a car and then it continues on I've got a big black shiny car maybe tonight we can go for a ride and it's fuck it's pretty catchy have a listen to I liked it very catchy yeah I've got a car I've got a big black shiny car maybe tonight we can go for a ride let's drive anyway that's pretty similar to what it sounded like yeah very catchy song we he says I've got a car okay in that song so we want to find out if he's still got a car is that it do you still have that car I'm just gonna say the black shiny one yeah the black shiny one the black shiny one and if he says yes to you still go for rides yeah our mission is our mission is our mission is if he replies which he will we are gonna ask him to send us a video of him saying that he's still got a car that's pretty fucking big man what if he sings it to us I know I won't ask for it but what if he does I'm asking for it if he replies I'm gonna ask him for it okay but I'll ask for some money to see him sending me out sending my bank details it's sending me up here for some money yet that could be a funny segment maybe for next season we are just DM hundreds of celebrities and ask for money dude then we'd be known as like the poor fuck is around among the celebrity oh it's better than that already can't be better than farty man and shits himself fart man and shits himself that's on your name fart man and shits himself can't watch our video where we toss the shit in the air oh yeah we had to talk about we had a look at all the comments as well about the live podcast for the season finale I think never crack we're gonna do it right in Brisbane we're gonna find a venue soon it's not it's probably not gonna be able to be like this because I can't imagine us sitting on a stage and then having fucking couple hundred people just sitting in silence the whole time listening to us do this we'll have to think about it I don't see why you couldn't sit at a table and talk to the crap yeah yeah but we'll have to have like some performances and shit I guess too maybe the crowd can come up and throw shit at us like that's no not shit like just stuff everyone bring your own shit bring a bag for your own guts so anyway we'll keep you posted on what happens with Shannon all in the hunt all right next segment and this is a segment where I just casually read out very common German phrases as if I was in a conversation with another German person for some reason this is funny I stay off dish I stay off dish I stay off dish I stay off dish what the fuck man dish which means I stand on you which means I'm into you is dish you dish like dish it's an aggressive way to like of course German yeah Germany if you can sort of physically dominate the other person it helps so that's like I guess I'm into you sounds like I'm into you is also fucked because you're saying you're in them yeah yeah but that's sex I mean you standing over that's like dominate like that's dominant someone dominate then integrate can't and be in me can't yeah okay but maybe if you are into a girl they want you in them yeah but that's not the first thing you say to them if someone if someone likes me I would prefer them to stand over me rather than shove it in me okay yeah that's a fair point well unless they're like banging then you would want it in in it straight away you're saying that you'd rather be stand on then have sex yeah I'm sticking to that one I'm putting my guns down and out I'm saying there they are that's my deck of cards standing firm with that so moving along please I'm not changing my mind I'd rather someone standing over me okay what's going on with that one mate what's happened there with Germany what have they decided what have they decided that means you make me ready which means like you wear me down your well it actually translate you do much much fat it is like finished you make me finished basically so it's sexual no no it's finished as in like you spent it's just yeah you and you and you wear me down you wear me down is basically what that one means okay all right last one yeah last one thanks I'm not changing my mind on that okay it's exactly right mate in my loaded gun there is my deck of cards I laid them down I've laid them out for everyone to see backwards hmm bring me which means don't bring me on the palm which means stop annoying me man very good that was very good very good Germany I can't find Germany I told you sexy language sexy language oh man I'm squeezing my lever all right Germany I'm Germany I'm Germany The bullies at school was like, I'm doing it, look at me, I'm doing it. I'm crying in the corner, the boys push off the pipe, man. I lash out at them, I'm saying. I lash out. I lash out at them, I'm crying in the corner. No one's helping me. All right, our next segment, the PO Box, is where you guys send shit into our PO Box, we go get it and then open it live on the podcast. We have two parcels. This is the PO Box, it's 256 Tagum 418 Queensland, Australia. You can send us anything. 418. Well, you can send us whatever the fuck you want, right? And we'll open it live. We've had some fuck shit sent to us. Matt, toenails, fingernails, toenails, semen, shit, skin, all sorts of shit, right? Tampon. If you wanna join, maybe we haven't had a used nappy, we haven't had vomit in a bag. There's all sorts of things you can send, all right? Oh, we got lollies. Oh, they might be gummies. They might be fucking weed gummies. Shut up, dude, don't you dare get my fucking hopes up, Cunt. No, they're dick gummies. Fuck! This lovely person has sent in some gummies. They're dick shaped gummies, right? Gummi candies, bagged dicks. So they're just normal gummies. Let's taste them. Oh, it's got this ingredient. Oh, the dick confetti as well. Oh, shit, acid. It's got acid, ah, citric acid in it. Oh, no, it does have acid on a malic acid. It's got, so it does have acid, but not... What are they out of 10? How's the dick? Fuck off, things. I want a red one. With dick hands. Watch this, everyone. No! Oh, well. I just back in. These are all little dicks, by the way. All the footskin off the table. All of Donut Films' footskin is gone, and it's replaced by dicks. Sure, a little bit. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Bagged. So, Donut Skin himself is here right now. Anyway, you know what I mean? Yeah. If you cut your hand off and leave it on a bus, you're technically still on the bus. Because you are. Part of you is... Well, yeah, you could rip a fucking fingernail, like just a bit of your fingernail off. No, that's a waste thing. That's a waste thing. Your hand is... A hand regrows, does it? Let's have a listen to this, Matt. These dicks. Oh, fucking hell. All right, thanks to the dicks. That's... It's different. I want more. They're very good. They did taste very good. I hope these aren't weed. Yeah, I know. I'm terrified. Yeah, fuck me. You can't. I'll just smash two of them or three of them. Fuck. We've got fuck boys. I've got to get out of here. Can't. I've got to get home. Can't. Oh, this one's hard to open. We have a box, a package. That's what it sounds like in show. It sounds like it could be broken. No. You startled me. Yeah. Yeah, we've got to cry. Some can't. Some days don't send us a bomb. Can't. Hey, whoa. Would you like some scissors? Oh, fuck this. I've got it now. Mate, it could be. I hope it's not valuable. They're the same. No. Season two, episode 17, 10, 28, Marty, you're going to prison. You filthy nonce. Matthew, I need you to get up season two, episode 11 and skip ahead to the time. 10, 28. Question for Marty. How much would it take for you to flash your dick to a playground full of kids? That's all right. Is it? That's the question. I haven't answered it yet. Oh, fuck. Well, it's hard. It'd be hard now. Gold bars. In life now, and it'd take like it'd take at least 10 grand. Back in the day, it would be more desperate. Look, I probably would have done it for a fucking happy meal. A pineapple, a cheeky pineapple. But yeah, it's probably not worth the risk now. Seven bars of gold. I'll do it for seven. Oh, there is a seven. Damn it. I see. That is a fucking fuck. That's clever. Good. Someone's just sent us seven bars of gold. That's very creative. Fuck, OK. Well, I guess they were listening. Thank you to whoever sent that in. I guess tomorrow we'll go to a playground. And then Marty goes to jail. Maybe I can just pretend that I'm blind or something. Yeah. This was sent in by Patricia. Thank you very much, Patricia. What country is she from? UK. Oh, Patricia. Very creative. I'm going to keep these and sell them. I'm going to put this right here as a reminder to myself that I must show my dick. So thank you for sending them. How long have we been going for? A while now. Should we move the dicks? So you don't eat them? An hour? I've just gone over an hour. Fuck it, let's just eat them. Yeah, I'm just going to eat them. If they are weed, like, we're in for a wild ride. Very good. Can you drive me home if they're weed, Matt? Well, maybe I should eat one then I can have tomorrow off work. Yeah, you'll have to take fucking 10 fucking years. I can take two weeks off. Um, all right, it's time for the fucking prank call, is it? I'm still in Margo. Hello, Isabel speaking. Oh, hello, my name is Arnold Feyn. I have found your number. You are a dog walker? Yes. You walk a dog? OK. I have a funny job for you. Where do you walk at the dog? Where in Breespawn? Southside. South Breespawn, good, good. I have two dogs, two big dogs. And one is a pig. One is roughly 80 kilo pig. Gets along well with the dog. I call to see if you maybe walk dog and pig. No. Why? Because pig is too big. And the pig is a very train. I put a rope around his neck and you give you a little, little tether for him and he behave fine. He need exercise. My wife is sick. She and Braden cannot walk him. And our yard is small. Not much room for movement. So I need him walked. And I need him walked by, say, tomorrow you free? What time? No, I'm not free tomorrow. So your pig lives in an apartment? No, at a little townhouse, pig townhouse down at Cannon Hill. And with the dog, with the dog as well, lived with dog, so not alone, it has friend. And I walk, need walking, or it go crazy. Get the fat. Yeah, sorry, I can't help you. Look, I pay, I know it's strange, but I pay premium price for my pig. I pay, I sell to butcher and feed the family. So I pay premium price for my pig exercise, you see? So whatever you charge an hour, you double. OK, thank you. No, no, no, you come back to me, darling. You do not leave Arnold Fine on the phone. My pig needs to be walked. Where do you live? Oh, God, he's such a beautiful man. I fucking love him. Oh, fuck, dude. Arnold Fine needs to fucking do audiobooks. Oh, imagine the three little pigs. Damn it, man. They fucking, they're so quick to hang up this time. They, she knew straight away, she just thought you were a joke as soon as you opened your mouth up. Dog walkers aren't very nice people. They're fucking hell, y'all. Fucking Arnold Fine is such a good dude. I loved how he goes, the dog gets a very long or very well with the pig. We're the best, we're the best, we're the best, best, best. You gotta tick on your eye, Lee. I wouldn't be the best on you. Fuck.