 If a man cries in front of me, say like he's having a horrible day when we go on a date, and he cries and starts complaining about all the horrible things that happened in his day, and that's going to turn me off. I think bottom line, men understand that we need to gain a working understanding of female psychology in order to gain at least sexual access to you. In order to gain an ear, your ear, to even talk you up and even get to that point. Women on the other hand do not believe they need to understand male nature. Women for the most part think men are simpletons. Women for the most part think that men are only led by their penises and I think that's why women play the attention game. And the reality is the feat for men is to get attention. The feat for women is not to get attention. That comes easy. Your feat is retention. But in order to know how to retain a man, you need to have a working understanding of who men are. You need to have a working understanding of what to look for. You need to be inquisitive. You need to be able to ask honest and fair questions. Instead of what I think happens is, especially black women, number one, there's kind of a baked in trivialization of men's value. I think number two, women these days especially kind of feel superior, intellectually superior to men. So it's like he doesn't know what he wants. So I'll prove it to him. And then lastly, I think women believe that men are lost without them. Like men, not only does he not really know what he wants, but he definitely needs me. He definitely needs me. So I'm not even going to consider where he is in life. You know what I'm saying? You'll see some women trying to force 23-year-old dudes in the full long-term committed relationship. I'm like... I definitely do think there is an overestimation from a woman's side of how much, and not sex in the literal sex, but just how much sex or female attention men really get. And I don't remember where I saw this. Maybe it was on YouTube and the guy, I wish I could, I'm so bad with names. He was just pretty much saying how men under the age of 30, a lot of them are having had sex in months. Like it's just not a thing. And I feel like sometimes women, especially when they see an attractive man, they're like, oh, he gets all the hoes or he gets all the pussy. And it's like, like you said, it is a trivialization of the presentation or the nurturing spirit or the kind spirit that I'm predisposed or I should be predisposed to get to this human being. Because yes, he's a man, but he's a human. And that's another conversation that we do need to have about the way that we are treating each other as, yes, this person is a man or this or that, but he has emotions, yes, feelings. He is intellectual. He is all these things. So that's my first point. And secondly, and you mentioned catch 22s all the time, I think that there's a dissonance between what we have been taught, what it has been, you know, I guess what we have been taught and what we actually experience. Because you're saying, on one hand, yes, men are, we think that men are simpletons. But on the other hand, a lot of our fathers or a lot of the uncles or whatever is like, I just want a woman that don't talk all the time, make me a sandwich, give me some pussy. Is that not a simple, pretty simple notion? So it's like, there's less, it's a little bit of a, of a dissonance or a disconnect. And I think that it's obviously every individual is different. Some people are very shallow and some people are deepest the ocean. And that's just what it is. But let me clarify that. Yes. Because that comes up a lot. Men are simple in the sense that we don't need much. We're not simple in the sense that, you know, our motivations are different than women. Everything I'm saying is relative to women. Our curriculum, as it were, is different relative to women. Our timelines are different relative to women. But again, we don't need as much. Like we, we don't revel in complication, right? And from a female point of view, that can be complicated to digest. Like you don't, you know what I'm saying? You're do homos on all of it, please. With that being said, I think it would help women to take some time to get to know men. And what I mean, get to know men. I'm not talking about like you're on a date and ask questions, stuff like that. That is a part of it. But like... You want us to do our research. Familiarize yourself with, you know, male pathology. I'd always recommend Dr. Tia Son Johnson for instance. Because the reality is like, men haven't been socialized the same way women have been, to even have the vocabulary to talk about some of our anxieties, some of our, you know, the things that go on upstairs. Men aren't necessarily, again, socialized to be as articulate or to be as expressive as women. And that is also, even that piece should also be something that women consider. So like, whether you're reading like Warren Farrell books, like The Boy Crisis or The Myth of Male Power, or, you know, other books that kind of help conceptualize what it is that happens with women. Because it's very easy for that superiority complex to happen with women. So for instance, you know, female babies tend to develop more vast and sophisticated vocabularies in their male counterparts. Women tend to hit mental maturity a lot sooner than their male counterparts, right? Because women tend to hit puberty. That prefrontal cortex develops quicker in girls than it does in boys, right? And there are reasons for that, right? There are there biological reasons for that. That's something that women should also be familiarizing themselves with. Now, again, men are simple in the sense that we don't want much, but they're still a lot more beneath the surface. It's just like the iceberg, right? And you need to be curious enough to actually get a full and nuanced understanding of what it does mean to be a man, because it can look simple on the face. But it's a lot more going on. And I'm happy. I'm encouraged by the fact that now you're seeing somebody like Dr. Johnson, and he's creating black masculine studies department. That's actually starting to actually hash all these things out and starting to show that black boys, for instance, are molested at rates similar to black girls. We need to talk about that. You know what I'm saying? Prostate cancer happens at the same rate, damn near, as breast cancer. Nobody talks about that, right? Domestic violence. Men experience that at similar races, women. Nobody talks about that. Yeah. So I think there's an empathy disparity. And if you claim to actually value men and love men and want men, you also need to do your diligence because we're forced to. Yeah. I don't disagree with that. I would love to see us navigate away from the Western mindset of I take care of myself. And that's just what it is, because a lot of what you just mentioned has a lot to do with or our qualities of people that take care of each other within community. And obviously, the black community is we're in a rough patch right now. And if we were to get back into that community mindset, I think that we would be more empathetic and sympathetic and more, what's the word? We would be more observant of the health and wellness of everyone, not just the children and not just the women. And I wish that the man is fear, not saying that they don't, but I wish that the man is fear would have a narrative more similar to what you just said. And obviously, it's going to be challenging with black women in black men in these conversations. Because another thing that I've seen with with men that I've dated, they tend to be very closed off. So I think that it's going to be difficult to say black woman be empathetic and be open to chipping away that the tip of the iceberg and going deep with someone that's not willing to go deep because of traumas, because of whatever. Well, let's talk about it. Why do you think men on average are so closed off? What makes sense to you? Yeah, you said, does it make sense? What makes sense? I think there's two things. I always like to go back. I think that it didn't serve men in the past historically to talk about their feelings because they were busy protecting their communities or not. What am I sitting here and talking about the fact that I was just in whatever battle that I was in or whatever could happen? Or the fact that there was an issue with hunting or whatever. I'm making stuff up, but you kind of get the premise of what I'm saying. What is the point of coming home and talking to my woman or my children or whoever about things that are not going to be, that are not going to directly help me protect my community? And then to kind of transition into that in modern times, there's really no need from an individual household perspective for a man to be on such high alert. Some men or some people might say, men need to be ready either way. Men need to know how to fight. Men need to know how to use guns, protect themselves against the government, all those things, of course, but there's not as much of a need. We don't have as many threats in life, especially in America. You would just don't have as many threats. So we can make space for men to now talk about their feelings. But on the flip side, do women get turned on by men talking about their feelings? And yes, even me myself, who I like to say that I am a pretty empathetic person and no matter who you are, I want to sit down and I will love to hear your story that's not a problem. But even me myself, if a man cries in front of me, say like he's having a horrible day and we go on to the date, and he cries and starts complaining about all the horrible things that happened in his day and this and that, that's going to turn me off. I can say I'm the most empathetic person in the world. That's going to turn me off. So it's like catch 22. That is the phrase of this segment. It is to catch 22, but okay, let's talk about it. Because I think, you know, I try to not limit this type of conversation to just romantic like dealings and relationships. I think it's bigger than that. And to your point, being an emotional exhibitionist has never served maleness has never served masculinity, whether it was because men had to run full speed into a battle, or whether they needed to march down into coal mines, right? There was no utility, right? And I think, you know, we need to be fair that men's value has been intrinsically tied to their perceived utility. And that utility is intrinsically inherently tied to how disposable he is, or how disposable he is willing to be. The men that are celebrated throughout history, the men who were ready to die, whether it meant dying internally for a bigger purpose, or you know what I'm saying, to protect, to provide for your family, or literally jumping in front of a bullet to protect your woman, right? Like there's a reason past, oh, it just looks cool. There's a reason most women want their man to be taller than them. It goes back to the psychological programming that a bigger man can better defend me with his life. So this new shit that women are talking about, oh, I want him to be more expressive and shit like that, to your point, and to your admission, it lies in direct opposition to the utility that females are still biologically predisposed to reward us for. And the reality is, women do not know how to process male emotions. Women do not know how to process male emotions. What tends to happen is, number one, at a later date, a woman can weaponize it against you. A woman can make it about herself. Make it about herself. Oh baby, I feel unfulfilled right now. I'm not a good enough woman for you. And now, not only do you have to deal with feeling unfulfilled, you also have to now deal with hurting her feelings. So most men are going to say, nah, I want to keep my life as simple as possible. Right? So again, if we took the time to actually consider life, consider the worldview of men, we wouldn't be so flippantly saying things like men need to be more open, men need to be this, men need to be that, because we never consider the cost. Well, let me ask you then, and I want you to explain this a little bit better, or just not better, but in more detail. When you were saying that men are, or you were saying something how like women feel like men are not as intellectual, they feel like they're superior. There's more to men than that. Obviously, we know that men emote differently than women do. It's not going to look like, hey, sit down and let's talk about our feelings like I do with my woman. What does that look like then for women? Like, how do y'all want for us to handle you all and get in chip below the surface? Are there certain questions that we can ask? You see where I'm kind of trying to go? The best thing a woman can do is not add any extra complication to a man's life. That's the best advice I can give. As opposed to demanding, because what used to be provided by an entire village, now we're expecting one person to provide it for us. I want this motherfucker to be my provider, protect the best friend, movie partner, best sex I've had, this, this, this, this, and it's like, god damn. So what I'm saying is like, men say this all the time and women kind of gloss over this, be his peace, be his peace, be his peace, be his freaking peace. Give that man space to actually think about how to better protect and provide, because here's the thing, right? Let me try to paint this picture for you. Have you ever seen like a bodyguard on duty, like whether a celebrity Beyonce's bodyguard or ever case may be? Does that nigga look happy? Why? Because he has a job. What's his job? He's supposed to be like smiling. No, but what is his job? To protect Beyonce, if that's the... I would stretch it and say his job is pessimism. Okay. If you're going to protect anything worth a damn, you have to expect the worst possible things that could potentially happen at every turn. If I'm taking Beyonce that way, I have to consider the fact that there's a dude right there with a knife, there's a sniper on that roof, there's somebody who's going to rush from here. So my job as a protector is to be pessimistic to a degree, right? It's to be cynical to a degree. I'm constantly anticipating problems because if I'm going to protect worth a damn, I have to be considering worst case scenario. If I'm going to provide worth a damn, I have to also be considering worst case scenario, whether it's a market crash, whether it's the... You know what I'm saying? I lose my job, whether it's our kids are now sick, our cars are now in the shop. I have to constantly be thinking of worst case scenario and how to anticipate and how to prepare for that. So when men are saying be his piece, don't add any extra shit, any extra nonsense to what I have to baseline already be concerning myself about. Do I look fat in that dress? You probably do, but I got more important shit I got to think about. And again, I'm talking about good men. I'm talking about men who actually provide us and protect us. Take shit off his plate. That's it. Stop projecting your female expectations on him. Get you some girlfriends where you guys could, you know, that catharsis that you're looking for. You know what I'm saying? You guys could talk for hours about bullshit or the TV show, whatever the case may be. That man is planning. That man is anticipating. Don't talk to me right now. There might be a sniper on that roof. Don't talk to me right now. I might have to jump in front of a bullet right now. Have I updated the life insurance policy? So y'all to be taken care of when I'm gone? This is the stuff men are thinking about. We're anticipating the absolute worse. So again, because women don't understand how our brains work, of course he should be also thinking about this and this and this and this and that. I don't feel fulfilled. And then the guys left fucking scrambled. So part of the grace is consider what his job is and what that means for him and what that means, like what's happening in his mind. And think about how you can accommodate that. Again, if it's a good man, but think about how you can accommodate that and not overcomplicate it. But that's the men are simple piece that I'm talking about. I'm a quarterback. I'm throwing the ball or I'm handing it off to the running back. That's my job. I'm thinking about what the defense is doing, obviously. I'm thinking about where everybody's going to be at at the field, but I'm a quarterback. And similarly as a man, I'm a protector. I'm a provider. Let me do that. I need space. And those are the women that get celebrated. Those are the women like it don't matter, you know, this, this and that. I'm not leaving my wife. Listen, she's my piece. When men are saying, like men try to articulate these things, but it gets lost though. She's my peace. She's my landing spot. She's my soft spot. I have to go outside and be a word because think about it. Nurturing is an internal facing endeavor. Nurturing is I worry about everything under this roof. Okay. Protection and provision is an external facing endeavor. I'm worried about everything outside this roof and how we could potentially affect the things inside this roof. Right. So what tends to happen sometimes is that either that flips or sometimes the woman is also neglecting her role of focusing on everything under the roof and focus on everything outside. So my girlfriend is saying that she neglects what she's actually supposed to be doing, what she's supposed to be good at. And it also distracts what he's actually supposed to be. We're supposed to be back to back Bonnie and Clyde on some shit. I make sure that these muggers, even if they come close to our house, they're going to get, they're not going to make it. And you're wanting the kids to take care of their reading at a grade level. You know what I'm saying? This, this and that. And we are, we're Voltron. You know, we're working towards a common goal as opposed to stepping over each other and being each other's headache and giving maybe he just came on from a long day of work, but you didn't buy me flowers though. You missed our anniversary. Like, yes, this is my allowing it to download face. At what point then did women start wanting more from men outside of what they were innately designed to do? And number two, that there, there are certain characteristics of masculinity and femininity that makes it easier to do your duties as a man or a woman. Right. Is it at what point did women start wanting flowers? And did we want start wanting all the romantic shits? Is that a modern idea where our great grandparents okay with everyone does their roles? And that's it. There's really because, because the way that when I went the way that I view sometimes when I view masculinity and everything that you just said, I appreciate about men. And I pray that my partner has those characteristics. So let's just put that out there.