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Subscribe or DIE Japanime fuckers!
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Several months ago I started emailing Japanimation (ani-me) conventions trying to find one that would accept a Harvard-trained Japanese culture specialist, specializing in man-gah and ani-me and also tea ceremonies. "Learning and knowledge is important, it's very important to have profound TED talks that inspire awe, linking past with present and making history real. Also eastern things are more cultured and important," I'd tell them in my email. Well after a few emails, I heard back from Bakuretsucon (.org) who said they'd be delighted. Some other con said they'd take us but they wanted us to pay for tickets. Like we could come give a "panel" but we'd have to pay for tickets for the whole crew. Can you believe the fuckin' nerve? Anywhey... Oh and I should mention that none of these dopes bothered to Bing "Sam Hyde" or even click the MDE.tv link in my email signature. Anyhue...
I knew we were onto something significant. Something profound. Something TED-worthy (incidentally please tweet @TEDchris and let him know that his TED talk was the fuckin' worst out of all of them and that his gay little club is so gay and no one cares about their snobbish Steve Jobs back-patting). What we aimed to examine was the very crux of progress, to find what fundamentally was at the core, crux, and thereby bring about a paradigm shift, modern humans, technology, using tools in new ways, bring about revolutionary change and shift the paradigm, brought to you by Dyson. And let me just seriously add that there are so many people who need to die. Just mass murder man. Just do it. Just Do It.
So we looked at the data. We dug through piles and piles of data, going way back and what we found... what we found was shocking. We found that maybe I enjoy being a high school bully a little bit too much and I also would love to take a crack at all of these ugly little girls who go to these things.
Big dumpy legs, big milky tits, lots of acne, and for some reason I was walking down this corridor at The Howard Johnson and my dick was just rock hard, like iron bar hard. Anywai...
I think now I'd like to talk about myself and my training, and my aspirations. I am somewhat of a hacker. I used to dabble with hacking in middle school but one day I hacked into a bank and got in trouble with federal agents. I am fairly proficient with most types of blades, including swords, knives, axes, etc. I've trained with swords the most, concentrating on curved, slashing blades and rapiers. I have wielded medieval and European cross-hilted swords before but I consider myself bad with those overall. I also studied Shaolin kempo for 8 years and used to be a dedicated empty-hand, striking-oriented fighter. Sadly, I haven't trained my empty-hand skills for the last 4 years or so. I hope the effects of my bone conditioning are still around. Sometimes I can't fully open my hands because of how much bone conditioning I used to do. I'm a hopeless grappler (just can't get those moves down) but I've trained myself to escape from most holds pretty quickly while giving me a chance to employ counterstrikes.
Now let me talk about my girlfriend. She is as cute as Asuka (NGE) but as wife-like as Aoi (Ai Yori Aoshi). From Slovenia, perhaps Maribor. Something like 4'6" tall, with incredibly sexy long gymnast/runner legs, long white/blue hair, likes the colour green, has a fetish for hoodies, has an obsession with dubstep, and is VERY young, almost Japanese-looking.
Also, f-ing beautiful HUGE eyes that shimmer, sometimes they are purple sometimes they are gold, perky firm-ness all around, with fair skin, OMFG belly-dancer hips, tattoos, and tomboy style with underlying femininity. She is assertive too, almost bitchy to other guys. Yes, I like the real-world tsundere girls. In the end I want a partner, not a pet. And what good is a pet who is hooking up with other guys because she's too meek to refuse them? What good is a woman who neither thinks nor speaks? If all you need is a hole, you can rent those.
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If you've read this far, it's time to open your pocketbooks in a big way for your favorite Nasty Team. Go to http://mde.tv and select the appropriate contribution amount, or make a one-time paypal donation to alienmode@gmail.com. We are making comedy videos full-time here. We could actually have gotten jobs as writers in LA, for some bullshit show, but fuck that, we'd rather clean toilets. We are staying grassroots underground 4lyfe, which means you gotta cowboy up now and turn our wimp wallet into a hunk tank. Chump change always appreciated.
MDE Pure Poison Burn Everyone MMXCCVIIVM Boners Rule
