 Welcome to my bathroom, everyone. It's Iwa from Bahamian Crafting here and I'm coming after a few days apart from YouTube to share with you something what I should learn right from the start when I started to make junk journals and I hope this will be inspirational for many of you who never tried to do their own paper. This I should learn right from the start because through the times, through all those years I saved so many offcuts and cutouts and strips and scraps and I still have boxes and bags everywhere with all kinds of scraps and I need to somehow use them. I know I will never use them for my journals because it's not just possible to use all of these scraps and create some clusters or decorative elements so I decided lately that I will be strong on myself and I will choose some of these scraps and create my own paper and I have to tell you that it's so amazing to see the result of this work. Once you will have your first sheet of your handmade paper, you will be so happy. I promise you you will be very very happy. There is many amazing tutorials who can help you to understand what you should do. Here I am just showing you what I am doing. I cut and ripped pieces of these offcuts and old book pages on very small pieces and I let them soak in the water overnight. There are all kinds of book pages, newspaper offcuts, any kind of decorative paper offcuts. Really everything what I found on my table right now, it was quite a lot. So I place it to the water, to that bowl and to the water to soak through the night and I'm going to make a paper pulp out of this. I'm using blender, just normal kitchen blender, just this one. It's separate, I'm not using it for cooking anymore. It's just for making my homemade paper. I'm blending these little offcuts in that blender and then putting it into bigger water spa and making that paper pulp or paper bath. I don't remember all these words which you should use to describe what I'm doing. So I hope you will just enjoy to watch me while I'm creating my own papers and this has a reason that I went back to kind of like basics to making junk journals. I had a quiet, disappointed last three months. My amazing Patreons, they helped me to go through and I'm still not over my huge disappointment. I had a dream since I was a small child when I was seven years old. Our village was selling old village house, old village pub with cinema and I do remember I asked my parents at that time if they will lend me money for that house that I wanted to buy that house for myself. And I told them once I will be old, once I will be not old but big enough to make my own money I will get this money back to them and pay them back anything where they will lend me. And I think since I was seven years old I had the dream that one day I will have my own house. We traveled this year in the March. We traveled back to Czechia for a reason, not just to sort out my documents but also sort out forms to ask for a mortgage for one house we choose to buy. It was old, quite destroyed but really beautiful or with great possibility house. So all these last three months we worked so hard to get that mortgage. We got all paperwork, we went all through to all these things you have to do when you are asking for mortgage. These last three months was the most close I ever was to get that dream come through. Unfortunately, my first time to get mortgage for that house was declined because my earnings are not enough for Czech bank to get mortgage. So I hope that we will make more money and we will ask the second time in two months from now to get that mortgage together with my sons. Unfortunately that house was sold because it was for a good price which we can afford. So my dream kind of went down very quickly and last two weeks I was crying like a small baby. Nearly every single day all the time I had to take off some time from my daily work because I wasn't able to concentrate. It was just huge crush on me and just because of my Patreons that they know what is happening in my life all the time because I'm sharing everything with them. I think sometimes they have to have really huge headache from me but they are always so kind and supportive. I can't say enough how much I appreciate these strong people who are helping me go through to my ups and downs. So because of my Patreons I'm kind of getting back to positive thinking. I'm not definitely there yet and Debbie wrote it really exactly how it is to be strong. It's not always so easy and it's very exhausting. I feel so exhausted. I think I can't go more than I did the last 40 years and it's just when you are so close to your dream. I felt like I'm nearly touching the walls of our house, of our first house. I was in that mood that I was just so close to touch the walls of our house and when you got this huge disappointment, when you know you did your all best you could. It's get you down even if you don't want to and this is actually what I'm doing to get me out from that huge disappointment from crying all the time because yes I do cry. Every single day and I'm trying not to but it's just something what I've been holding on for many many years. I know there will be at least I hope there will be better house and it will come to me but right now it's so hard. You know we've been living with my sons on the street 20 years ago. I've been already single mom. I didn't get any alimony. I didn't get actually any any help from my family because they was thinking I choose the guy who was father of my sons so I should work it out myself so because I've been very tight with my money and I started to believe to wrong people. I thought that they are my friends unfortunately they wasn't my friends they just used or exploited the situation in my life and they fraud me for my last money and I didn't get help from anybody else so we end up on the street with my sons and with all that all this came into my mind. Yeah I'm still not not over properly but these little techniques this simple techniques and kind of in my mind clearing my space I hope this will help me to go through and I hope these basics will also show me better direction in my life. I always made sure that I will make money for somebody else I always make sure made sure that I will be profitable for somebody else for somebody I'm working for so I think this huge disappointment should be should show me that I know how to work hard I always did and right now it's time to start to work hard for my family for me for my own dream so I really hope you will try to create your own paper because it's so relaxing it's amazing to see what you can do with very ugly water with this pulp and it's so amazing to feel your own made paper even if it's from old papers you will grab around your home but to feel the result of your work it's awesome so I'm gonna put some nice music in the end of this video and I hope you will enjoy it and I'm sorry for my mumbling but sometimes it's good to explain why I'm not here for you why I'm not showing how I'm continuing with my journals it was just because I had a really hard time I do apologize I know you've been waiting for more videos I will get there just please bear with me this was just... it was just so hard for me so thank you so much for coming stepping by today thank you so much for listening and thank you so much for all your amazing support to my YouTube channel I appreciate that so much I really do have a wonderful day if you are in a hard time make sure you will get out of there somehow cry if you need I do cry I always feel a little bit closer to the positive thinking when I do cry because I've been so down so every single time when I cry because I feel so pity for myself I'm gonna be honest here yes I've been in that mood that I felt so pity for myself and I forgot there are people who have much worse thing to go through but it's always same you know you need to work with your own pain the way you can at that moment so yes I've been crying so much but every single time when I've been crying I felt after I felt a little bit better so for all of you I know life sucks I know life can give you really hard time but if you can work it through if you can let your body leaking out through the tears all that pain I don't know how to better describe that but let your body get that pain out of you by tears it helps it helps so much and I wish you all be always strong enough to work through to hard times to have always amazing friends around like my awesome Patreons to give you good advices or just listen to you and be there for you so I wish you all the best and thank you so much for stopping by