 So! A month of inpatient and I'm here. Hello, hi, I'm Lydia. Welcome back to my YouTube channel. How do you... Hey, ha, ha, ha. Ooh, language, English. What a word! I wouldn't know. Hey, what's up you guys? Welcome back to my channel. If you're new here, hi, hello, I'm Lydia. I'm going to tell videos here on YouTube as my channel. I'll show you. I'm making this video to talk to you about going back into the community after being in hospital for an extended period of time. Anyone who's new here won't know this. Last month I was inpatient for the entire month, pretty much. And I've been in the community since like the 26th, if I have. So I've been in the community now for almost two weeks and it has been incredibly hard to readjust because you get so used to having to ask permission for everything to go through something, having locked doors, not being able to do what you want all the time and just live your life. So then go back to living in a community. It's very hard. It's hard to readjust to living in a community with people and not having all these boundaries. It's incredibly hard. So I wanted to talk a bit about that transition and what it's been like. Casual video. I've done my eye makeup. That's it. I'm eating like that. I fucked up this eye like a lot. I didn't think you can see on camera, so my friend just covering it up because why not? This video is an important thing for me. I've never done anything like this before. The transition from inpatient to outpatient. There was no transition period. I just went from being inpatient to discharge. There was no transition period, which any of it is for some people. For me, it was just, bye. Go out to do whatever you want to do. Go at the underground home. Go, go, bye. That was all I got. The transition for me has been quite hard really because I've been busy all the time. I've been keeping myself busy, so I haven't had to focus on the true reality of getting back into the community. I've just been busy doing stuff. Went to CK for a few days. Went to Wrexham for a few days. Went to a conference. I've been doing all sorts, keeping myself busy and I haven't really spent time talking or getting back into the grips of living in the community. Like, it's been nearly two weeks and I still haven't been in the kitchen. I just, I found the transition quite easy, but it's also been hard. It's been hard because I have to remember like when to take my meds, all of that. I have to remember to eat at some point and I have to remember to do certain things to maintain a level of being okay in the community. Remembering to take a medication is a really hard one because I've hit my meds four times a day. When I was in hospital, obviously I had to go and get them. They would come and give them to me. I wouldn't have to think too much about time to meds. And now I'm in the community and I'm like, oh, I've got all this meds. What do I do? Ah, fuck, help me. I don't have community support. I do have a support worker who's not NHS based, so I do have a support worker, but that's helped me with the transition. It's been quite hard to readjust because going in patient as time was optional. Well, it wasn't optional, but I went voluntarily. I was informal, not sectioned. So it was very different for me. Coming back into the community, I'm just a bit like, oh, how do I now maintain this level of motivation and happiness and enduring things? It's such a hard thing to come back to. She go from having all these boundaries to, oh, you can do what you want. Have fun, kids. Bye. Like, do what you want. Bye-bye. And you're impatient. You're like, I don't have these choices. I can't just go and go for a walk at midnight or whatever. There's so many boundaries when you're in hospital, then when you compare it to being at home, and you're just like, oh, look, I can do everything I want. And it's quite overwhelming. It's been, yeah, I would say it's been overwhelming because I've, like I said, I haven't really given it time to sink in yet. I keep forgetting that February was a thing. I keep thinking about January and then March because February, I was in hospital. I didn't, I can't remember anything from February. Apart from, like, midway through my, like, inpatient stay, it started to click that, like, my dissociation and PTSD were quite bad. I was using a lot of time. I really spoke about why I went into hospital, which I might do, I might film a video to a while later on. When it comes to where I'm at now, I'm just like, I need to maintain this level of motivation. I don't want to go back to where I was. I don't want to stay on top of my PTSD. I don't want to stay on top of my depression. Like, I want to stand top of it all. I don't want to go back to where I was. And it's very hard thing to comprehend in my head because when you're in hospital, you have staff around you to talk you out of these things and just talk to you. And when you're at home, you're just like, fuck, I have stuff to toy or my unicorn copy book. That's the sport. Like, because I do have this support work that's not NHS based. She's basically helping me sort out everything in the community. She's helping me apply for PIP. She's helping me find accommodation for next year. I think I've done that. She's just like, getting me engaged with things to keep me busy. Her idea was keep you busy. You won't have time to then think about how you feel. Because I found that thinking about how I feel all the time is quite a negative thing. Like, if I'm waking up, I'm like, how do I feel today? Am I depressed? Oh, maybe. Then I start to spiral and I just crash. It's quite hard me to explain but I think I've made some sense in this video in the sense that going inpatient to outpatient, it's hard, trust me. Another big question is, does inpatient help? And I want to put in what is now in this video. I can't make a video on it though about this so I'm just going to put it in this one. Going inpatient for me was a lifesaver. Literally. I've said this in other videos but Jordan was the one who phoned the police that time for me. They took me to hospital and I was taking inpatient. If Jordan had made that phone call, I wouldn't be sitting here today. My mental health was really in a bad place. Going inpatient, for me, worked. I'm not saying you're going to answer everyone's problems and it's the answer to everything you should go inpatient because in my opinion, you should try and stay in the community as long as safe and have someone to talk to. And mental health's not deteriorating that much, I think going inpatient has helped me this time and the last time in the fall and it's helped me a lot. Like it's kept me safe. It's stopped me from actually going really intense thoughts. It's helped with my dissociation issue and it's helped a little bit with my PTSD. It's got my support in place, my PTSD. Genuinely been helpful. Would I advise going inpatient? No. Like it's restrictive. Some people need that though and it's okay. It's okay to need to go inpatient. It's okay to think that it's the only option. It's okay to think those things. Obviously like you can't just like, I want to go inpatient, let me go inpatient. Like it doesn't work like that. Mental health teams on the whole, try and keep you in the community as long as they can. In this country, I don't know how it works in other countries. Not my place to comment on it. Like the community teams in London are, because they had my diagnosis wrong, in the wrong ordering, I wasn't getting any help. Now it's been changed, I'm getting a lot of help and support and it's appreciated. Believe me, like that was the main issue from my diagnosis, wasn't correct. It wasn't in the right order, so I was getting the wrong support. So my mental health was just getting worse. And no one knew why. Everyone thought like, I was just pretentious or whatever and it wasn't. It was because my PTSD had been left untreated for five years. Other than that, like, I've been experiencing like the nightmares of flashbacks for like five years, but I was getting worse. And if you haven't already, I recorded the month that I was in hospital for. That show was how bad my PTSD really was at the time. And it's kind of like, that's the stepping stone into my life, this is my life. And this is what I'm doing with it. I feel like I've rambled for this video, but it's like a bit of a chat, isn't it really? Like we're just talking about things and that feelings and emotions. So with that in mind, I'm going to end this video here because I haven't got anything else to say or anything I think I can call the young official to say. So I will see you guys soon with a new video. Thank you for watching. Thanks for the love, thanks for the support. And I'll see you guys soon with a new video. Peace. I'm just going to go bam, bam, bam. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. My poor camera's going to get broke with hand in. I'll have to stretch my t-shirts through that. I'll get the actual t-shirts. I just stretched over my arms. I'm a mess. Welcome to my life. Goodbye.