 Assalamu alaikum and welcome to Making a House a Home with myself Raghad Baqir and our expert life coach and NLP practitioner, Fahima Muhammad, who today will be talking about the impact of lies, deceit and betrayal. Assalamu alaikum Fahima, thank you for being here today once again, very welcome. And can you tell us what you mean by the impact of lies, deceit and betrayal? Generally I would say in any religion, just to live without conforming to any belief system or conforming to any system that exists now, lies, betrayal and deceit is something that we don't want to experience nor do we want to have that impact on us because at the end of the day it's just morally something that in the long term or in the short term it does have really negative effects and when someone lies, when someone cheats, when someone goes against their word then there are huge, huge impact on what comes after. So generally we have to understand that we lie to ourselves all the time first and that's where it comes from. We lie about our aspirations, our goals, our ambitions and we lie mainly to uphold our general ideals in life. We lie because of some of our choices we make and also we lie because we sort of want to keep up with what people want us to be. So you know there's social pressures and we sometimes don't even realize that we're lying to ourselves but it becomes the norm because we've created a habit of portraying ourselves in a certain way. So when it comes to especially romantic relationships that's when the lies really do come in because we lie about why we've chosen the relationship, why we're in the relationship because there's a fear of abandonment, there's fear of loneliness, there's fear of you know what the cultural norms are or what people think that it should be and that's where most betrayal, deceit and lies sort of you know come from in those sort of you know relationships especially romantic relationships but at the core we lie to ourselves and we lie to ourselves because psychologically we cannot really have the strength to accept the truth or deal with what the consequences of the truth is. So we have to know how we think as humans why we say certain things, why we do certain things and the choices we make and how much of that is truth, how much of that is real and is it for ourselves or are we saying and doing things because of somebody else and a lot of the time in society we actually are just trying to give an image or present ourselves in a certain way in certain situations and sometimes you know it's not about lying but we do have to play different roles in certain circumstances when we're at work, when we're with our families but we don't need to lie and that's where people get confused and that's when people you find that there's deceit and there's betrayal because they confuse it, they confuse the fact that they have to be different people at different times without hurting someone. So for example in business a lot of people feel that you know they have to exaggerate certain things and they lie you know in order to get ahead or in order to sort of like give themselves an image which is more than what they truly are. The funny thing is now you're saying about in business nowadays it's not really called lies, it's called sales, selling or making good business or being a good business person so they don't really call it lies anymore do they? It doesn't matter what you call it, what's truth is truth and what lies is lies and when you know over time and over history and if you look back in anything whatever is the truth always lasts longer and the lies always come out no matter how much you try and hide it no matter how much you hold it in even if you don't speak to anyone about it and you're so good at keeping a secret because normally lies do come out because someone else is you know being told and then it's been exposed but actually it eats away at yourself people don't realize that the damage it causes to yourself and even at the beginning you might not have that conscious but it does affect you and it affects your you know your close relationships and your family members you might think oh I've gotten away with this lie but at the end of the day we live in a world where I know the word is not necessarily liked but you know there is such a thing as karma and if it doesn't affect you directly it comes to your children, it comes to your family members and you think oh why is my life this way or why is things not working out for me or why is this person that's so close to me that's trying so hard and you know I'm doing well but it's your lies that's damaging them it's your betrayal, it's your choices and we just don't see that impact we don't see how it really affects everyone else around and the environment and society and it might not be straight away but over time everything catches up with you, everything catches up with you I think a lot of people who are lying or deceiving someone are more concerned about getting away with the lie or getting away with the deception rather than thinking about the consequences it may have or what effects it's going to have on their children or their family so it's all about actually getting away with the lie I mean as adults we mostly lie about how psychologically painful realities are that we've experienced so maybe as a child we came from a single parent and we saw our dad walk away and at the same time we might look at it as something that it's normal so we do the same thing and to begin with we might say oh we'll never do that yeah we lie to ourselves, thinking it's okay because we look up to that person still but then we might end up doing the same thing if not worse and then we compare ourselves to them saying that oh well we're still better when actually when you want to be better you don't compare yourself to someone smaller or less that's what you mentioned last week, yeah you compare yourself to someone higher so you need to be very aware of how your childhood psychology has affected you as an adult and that's why people even at ages of 30, 40 now are only learning about commitment, about compassion about unconditional love because they never had it when they were younger they taught it and then lies in your head constantly because we're not dealing with our own misconceptions and we're constantly lying to ourselves but the thing is people don't realize that it shows in your non-verbal communication it shows in your eyes, it shows in your tone, it shows in your language it shows even in your experience in life constantly chasing, constantly doing something constantly saying this is gonna happen or I'm chasing this dream or I'm going for that deal or I'm doing this and that, nothing works out so those lies affect you yes we have freedom of choices but those choices have consequences we forget that, that's the most important thing and even our own childhood experiences have an effect on us because if for example we were teased when we were younger and we might be a little bit overweight so that can also make us feel differently about ourselves and we might lie about how much we're eating and then it shows in our bodies that actually it isn't that so there's a lot of things that we need to worry about and think about when we are young there are psychological theories of human nature that can help us understand our self-deception and as we know the famous Sigmund Freud he basically describes us as lying through our egos which is like a defense mechanism so we sort of like make excuses for our lies and our deceits and one of them is denial so we refuse to believe something is true even though it is true and then there's also rationalization so we'll give ourselves excuses oh we had to cheat on her because at the end of the day she just couldn't she wasn't good enough at the end of the day it's their fault not mine and there's projection as well where we say that it exists in someone else and not in me so at the end of the day it wasn't my fault and I couldn't help myself because it was something that you know it was just a response and a reaction so when he said it exists in someone else and not myself like could that mean for the example that you chose cheating okay so I'm not a cheater I'm doing this because that person is pushing me towards that so that's what you mean yes exactly so there's a lot of psychological theories behind lies deception and betrayal and there's also emotional reasoning so you know feeling that basically I had to do something because at the end of the day I had no choice because again it's like putting blame on someone else or giving yourself excuses giving itself excuses and then we generally over generalize like if we were dieting for example you know I'm either gonna have no biscuits for today or just one but then if you have just the one it's like well I've just had one now so I might as well forget the diet so we give ourselves excuses all the time we lie to ourselves and we over generalize and we also feel that you know we can just get away with it because we're not putting the responsibility on ourselves and people say well I forgive myself and I am you know taking full responsibility now it's your turn to take responsibility the fact that you're saying someone else needs to take responsibility shows that you're not taking 100% responsibility because that's not your job each one is accountable for themselves that's why even in our religion in Islam when we are faced you know with Allah in the day of judgment we're not there holding our parents hand holding our children's hand holding our spouse's hand or anyone for that matter to say well it was their fault or it was this reasoning it was my upbringing it was this oh it doesn't make us have those excuses you know we are given free choice and we have been encouraged to have knowledge and seek sort of you know more knowledge in order for us to make the right choices and there's no excuses and we are given chances over and over again so we're not supposed to be labeled for it either but at the same time that's what's taking full responsibility there isn't absolutely no excuse for your choice you do it because you want to you do it because it's all about you and the other person shouldn't feel guilty feel bad or take it personal for someone else's lies, betrayal or deceit it's because the other person's imbalanced in their psychology it's got nothing to do with you and if people realize that in relationships then hopefully they'll get over it a lot quicker when they are being lied to when they're being betrayed because it's not about you it's about them if that person's right and good and strong psychologically then you know whether that person is you know right or wrong for them for that moment and people change over time they get fat, they get thin you know they have two different stages they have their moods they get anger you know especially in relationships everything is experienced everything changes everything changes because sometimes you go through a time in your life when you're very very down because of the situations that are around you and sometimes you're a much happier and better person to be around and then people can get ill people can even you know they have like I don't know life changing accidents so is that person just going to walk away and abandon you and betray you and not stick to their word and not their commitment so there's absolutely no excuse because there's people that do stick around even in those bad times so the people that walk away they only hurt themselves and more importantly they actually hurt the people around them and the environment and especially if you're in a family and if you lie and cheat to your own for example people that trust you and that you are responsible for then that has got nothing to do with the other person it's definitely to do with the person that's lying it's definitely to do with the person that's cheating and betrayal is an ugly, ugly trait in any respect you mentioned you hurting yourself when you portray someone or when you lie to someone I think that really does make a lot of sense because subhanAllah when you do hurt someone when you lie to someone at the time like I said earlier you know you're just you're just worrying about getting away with it but later on the guilt which most people do have to go through at some point will just eat them up absolutely always think about when you're hurting someone or when you're portraying someone always think about how are you going to feel about that maybe one year later maybe even two years later but you will feel that pain the thing is people don't realize that when they are lying and cheating it is something that you are betraying that commitment that promise that trust that someone else is holding value to you've given your word or you've made a commitment and for you to lie and deceive somebody it just is so ugly for yourself that you actually destroy yourself even for your own future and anything that comes your way you sometimes don't even see the goodness and you might say I forgive myself I've moved on or you know I'm not labeling myself but if you're any decent human being that will eat away with you because how can you see yourself hurt people and people normally hurt and lie and this comes about the whole idea of lies betray on the seat is because you do it to the ones that you're closest to of course you know it doesn't matter so much though when it's people that you don't know but that feeling of betrayal and deceit is when you're doing it to someone that you're close to and when you're doing it to someone that you're close to and if other people see that you're doing it to someone that you're close to what sort of you know trust is there going to be for you in the future or what sort of like I know even of a story that a really successful businessman will not employ anyone as his business partner unless they have a really good relationship with their own wives because if you can keep it really good at home that is a that's definitely something achievement so it's like I want to work with that person I want to you know I can trust that person because even through anything in life they're putting someone else first that business will come that business deal will never close that door will always open because you're keeping your family and your loved ones your friends your colleagues happy and sometimes we're like well I need to be selfish like the modern way of thinking especially in business I need to be selfish to get ahead in life you're not going to get ahead in life it's not going to work for you as much as you think that and our religion definitely says the only way to go forward is to put someone else first and if you can't put your own family first you're definitely not going to go ahead first and you can try as much as you want and knock on every door that you want to it doesn't work like that you cannot betray people you cannot lie and cheat on them thinking that you're going to go ahead it doesn't work and if only people could see that then you know this world would be so much better even if you read like self development self help books which is nothing to do with religion the one thing that's always stated that's the highest level of self actualization or self achievement or self development is when you put someone else first and in any relationship whether it's romantic whether it's in a family whether it's friendship your siblings your parents colleagues whatever it may be you put them first subhanAllah everything happens for you as well basically don't put yourself first yes, absolutely so but when you're lying and when you're cheating it's your selfish as well you're putting yourself first and you're not even caring about the other person's feelings but sometimes we just said that but when you're lying and cheating you're putting yourself first sometimes people will give themselves the excuse that I have to lie and I have to cheat or wheter it is to cover and not hurt the other person apparently they're not being selfish they're being selfless so what are your thoughts on that? well, that's a short term view to sort of obviously comfort yourself in the moment as well but eventually as we all know the truth is always out there and you have to sit in your own home and the truth comes to your door if you're a good person yeah, because a lot of people say oh, I won't tell my mom this or I won't tell my wife this or my husband because it'll hurt them so I'd rather just lie and cover it up because I love them so much just because I love them so much yeah, it always comes but the lies doesn't have to be a betrayal or a cheating it could be where you want to save them from pain white lies white lies but in the end even those come back to you and they actually come back to actually harm you because those people that are being lied to they feel cheated on they feel the fact that why didn't you tell me this earlier why didn't you say this to me because I can't handle it and we can do it in the right way and we can open it up in the right way I know timing is everything and we can't say everything and be all black and white but the truth always comes out eventually, the truth always comes out okay and now that we've mentioned white lies as a life coach and you know, you see a lot of families as a child the first thing you are being taught by your parents to a certain extent can be called white lies for example, tooth fairy for example, some people have Santa Claus or you know, other figures these are white lies as soon as a child is old enough to understand that there's no such thing I think it's his first encounter with lying or white lies what's your thought on that? that's very interesting and to be honest speaking to a lot of children and speaking to a lot of families and knowing what the responses are when a child is now being asked for example now that you know the truth about the tooth fairy not being real and it's your mom and dad that's putting in there they don't actually view that as being lied to so when children have been interviewed and they have been spoken to it's more about you know, you encouraging a fantasy or a hope or bringing about something that is a fairy tale and at that age it's not really harmful it's not really lies it's just about you know blowing up the imagination and you know making it seem but on the other hand you know why even do that if you don't need to because it isn't the truth and it's deception as well it is perception it's lovely it's lovely it is deception okay the tooth fairy put the money in for you I mean I don't know I mean kids nowadays are growing up knowing a lot more about what's reality and not and actually those sort of things you cannot even do and say as much as probably you know because everything is so open and knowledge and information is so out there that even other kids in the classroom are like no that's not real I know I've seen my mom and dad do it they're so clever but they're actually exactly they do say it and it's not really that harmful in some you know aspects especially when it comes to that because we have the miracle of you know of our creator and it's not seen it's not heard and there's so many things that are undiscovered that still can be discovered and we might look at it as not reality and not you know facing the truth but it can be discovered later on you know so like in the sea for example there's so many things that are being discovered in this earth every time I put on the discovery channel I see a new species of some sort of animal which I've never known in all my years I'm still seeing different things that are being discovered so it's about you reframing things in a very clever smart way with them and if they ask you the truth of is it really existing say well what was it that you like to give it a story and a meaning you hand it over to them and you give them the responsibility even at a young age to say that well I want to believe in the fairy tale so yes it does exist and some kids really want that I want to believe in fairies and they take it upon themselves and eventually they come out of it and they learn it themselves and there's not real harm and they don't look at it as lies but if you want to be like more honest about everything then I think with certain timing and ages and stages there's no harm yeah no there is no harm I mean we've all done it even myself the truth I'm just thinking I'm just thinking out loud really like we're talking about lies is that the first encounter with lies it depends on what it is honestly I mean if you were to lie to your child about them being for example adopted and even that has the different stages but sometimes if they don't understand it but they've actually heard it but comes to terms with it later on when there's deeper understanding but it's not a shock then that could be say well it's better to be open and honest because later on it could have a much deeper more meaningful impact so it depends on your situation it depends how you raise them how much closeness you have with your kids because you really have to be very very you know honest about things but at the same time you've got to be knowing that you have to have that personal contact with them to see that if it does affect them you're going to pick up on it and deal with it you're not hurting anyone for that moment you're not hurting someone but later on you might be hurting them by not telling them the truth and it depends on what that whatever story you're saying you know is so all that really makes a difference so we need to take responsibility about ourselves and how we are with ourselves and then how we can hurt others through these lies and the first step is self-awareness and we need to become observers of ourselves which is very hard to do because all we do nowadays is look at other people and observe them just to make ourselves feel good and oh yeah we're not just as bad anyway so I think in order to be more self-aware is to pause every moment you think every moment you speak every moment that you say something take that awareness and pause and that becomes a habit that you can create so that before saying that lie before saying and doing something you know you might actually give yourself a chance to realize actually what are the consequences because as much as there's choice it follows with consequences so be aware of that okay well ultimately Allah's made lying haram for a reason absolutely and that's because it affects you and affects those around you in a very bad way so insha'Allah we can try our best to be as honest and as open with those around us and insha'Allah that will in turn affect us and our conscious in the future we're going to take a break now insha'Allah and after the break we'll be taking some of your questions and back soon Salaam Alaikum and welcome back to making a house a home we're back with some of your questions Fahima I have a question from Hassan and he asks how can one stop lying in business as sometimes it becomes the only way to get ahead and achieve success you know business is something that we all aspire to be way on top and we all want success and there are various means and ways of getting there and I think as humans we do generalize in order to make ourselves move forward and that you know lying and cheating and isn't the only way for success in fact you might look at it as success but it only is short term it's short lived because in the long term when you do lie and you do deceit and and deceive people it always comes back to you and the effects are much more long term sometimes it might take longer for you to succeed in business and to get that deal because you are being truthful and you're working harder and you're striving and that actually builds something for a much longer period of time and people don't see it like that because even in the Quran you know we are told so many times that you know not to lie not to cheat and you know it's the worst form of hypocrisy I mean what sort of word are you taking over you know Allah's word is the final and it's the most obviously the ones that we have to so what exactly are you you know who are you following so we need to know where we come from and who we are and sometimes it's the hard road it's the ones that takes a bit of time and it's a bit longer but whether it's business or relationships or anything we don't need to lie we don't need to cheat and that way of thinking that way of living needs to be analysed because the reason why society sometimes you know not everyone because I'm not going to generalise there are very successful businesses out there but the big big businesses even that are like you know the top 500 have even gone bust because you know they don't even perform in the right way they've been lying and they've been cheating so something and someone that big can fall you're telling me that you know if you're going to lie and cheat in your business it's not going to come back to you it all comes back to you again like we said there's always an impact and we know Allah has warned us of the impact of lying and cheating and being unfaithful and betraying and it doesn't do anyone any good and you do not get away with it so it's better to do things the honest way it might be the hard way but in the long term it is the best way and that would be the achievement not just for your generation that's when generations carry on and move forward with success is because it's done in the right way and can I just bring that back to what you said earlier about lying to ourselves so from what I read from him having to lie about his business to get forward would that mean maybe he's lying to himself about how successful his business is in the first place because the fact that he has to lie to others for his business to go ahead there must be something wrong yeah exactly there's always an analysis there so that you know you cannot be truthful and open about yourself that's why you have to lie to others so yeah you know there is definitely something not quite right even within yourself or within your business for you to actually lie and again it comes back and people always see the truth in the end okay another question from Sumayya she asks what is the best way to teach your children not to lie because they do it innocently sometimes to avoid getting into trouble but that can lead them to lying about bigger more serious issues in the future well firstly you have to know how to I don't like the word punish and getting them into trouble the thing is you have to use the right language with children when you're trying to teach them so you've got to tell them that whenever they do something wrong or you know that's not correct you don't say bad as well you don't use negative words like that so that they don't actually think and you know feel that you know they are bad and they are wrong you don't make them wrong everything in life is a learning and you've got to teach your children that they're going to make constant mistakes and there's consequences for those mistakes and the consequences of doing something that most of the time they know they shouldn't be doing you know is probably taking away the TV or their DS, PSP, whatever it may be and the fact that if they lie about it then it also catches up with them and parents need to be smarter they need to keep up with you know what the children are doing so they can outsmart them and know that if they are lying and they're doing something they can catch them out in a nice way but to show them that actually you cannot lie you know especially when they're young you can do that quite easily you can always get caught out and you can question them quite you know easily you know if you're a bit creative and you know innovate basically about how you you know question them and coaching parents like I will talk to parents and you know support them to be coaching parents so that they have the right questions for their children because a lot of the times they're like well children don't talk because you're not asking them the right questions or there's not a way on which you're asking them to make them want to be open so when they feel they're in trouble it's what is your response you know you have to know that whatever they've done wrong is not a bad thing it's because they just don't know that there's a better way or that whatever they've done wrong there is an impact and there's a consequence and what is that impact you've got to explain this is a learning whatever I'm taking away from you is a learning it's not even a punishment it's a reflection if you say oh you're going to stand in that corner for 10 minutes don't say it's the naughty corner don't name it that don't label it that say it's time for reflection thinking corner thinking corner reflection whichever it may be for you to think about what you did and even ask them why is it that you think that what you've done is wrong or that you think that you've upset me or that you shouldn't have done it and what is it that you would do or would you like someone else to do it how would you feel all these things come into play so I find that when parents take it upon themselves to seek therapy like life coaching not that it is therapy as such but you know I do therapy too when they become coaching parents it is really powerful and children tend to not want to lie because they know that they need to be honest because in the end that's the only way that's going to go forward okay Farah asks when someone very close to you has lied and portrayed you in the past how can you overcome this and trust them again whether it's friendships, relationships you know in any form that's the one thing that when someone betrays your trust and lies to you it's very difficult to actually gain that again because that experience it's like a broken glass you cannot put it back together again but then there's an old Japanese saying to say that those pieces can be put back with gold and they can look even more beautiful it's the way in which you see it if you really love that person and you want them in your life still you can just create new experiences and people cannot be labeled for their mistakes even if they lie and cheat we all are human and we're all on our own journey and we all are going to make mistakes and sometimes those mistakes makes us to be a lot better so don't ever think that a person who's lied or cheated you know that's it they're done for life they've gone through whatever they've gone through in their life maybe they didn't have the role models maybe they didn't have the right upbringing their psychology is messed up because of whatever they had to experience so you can empathize with that but if you really love them then you create a new way of thinking and being with them and it does take time time is a huge healer and I know it's a cliche but it does work and if you do feel for that person in any form whether it's a friend or romantic relationship or a colleague or whatever it may be a family member these challenges we face in our households all the time when someone betrays us and lies or says something and it can just create a different person within you thinking that oh I can never be free now to trust again not just that person who's lied to you but even the world around you but don't generalize and don't look at it like that you can be more aware like sometimes you might think that I'm maybe too trusting or I just take people's word for what it is but there's nothing wrong in that you might say well I'm just going to constantly be hurt now because I'm the kind of person who trusts and believes and now I'm never going to believe again there's a balance that you need to have yeah that's not always actually a bad trait the fact that you're very trusting and you do believe people there's a reflection upon you because you're not a person who doesn't lie you're not a person who doesn't betray and you're all very trustworthy trustworthy so that's what makes you more trusting because it's just a reflection of you and it's the opposite as well people who can never believe others and people who are always suspicious of others it's just again a reflection of themselves because the way they behave the way they think is not to be trusted and of course we expect a lot to forgive us how many mistakes do we make how many lies do we tell ourselves and other people so if we expect that to be we need to be that we need to be a reflection of what we expect and we do need to give people second chances even third and fourth chances people are going to also change their ways knowing that someone actually believes in me even though I've made a mistake someone actually trusts me even though I betrayed their trust you can change that person to be good so it's not just about you so continue to be the person that you are always trusting you be the reflection of who you want to see in others and you might just be that change that they need and I know it's difficult and it does take time but it's possible and I think there's only goodness that comes out of goodness there's only positivity that comes out of positivity don't look down on anyone don't judge anyone for whatever they've done and you don't need to call them out or you don't need to do anything just be supportive and be that friend or the partner that needs to be and the trust will come back again because everyone goes through different phases in their life so we cannot just think that oh it's happened to them and they've lied and they're cheated it can happen to you you might be in a position where you find yourself in that situation where you're going to have to be the same way and you want someone to give you that second chance Kofa asks I know that my friend lies a lot about certain things and I do ignore it most of the time but sometimes I call her out on it because it annoys me as she's obsessed about portraying herself in a certain way so for example she can't say no but will lie and make up a story so it looks like she has no choice but it's always a lie what can I do to help make to help what can I do to help and make her change it's very difficult to change people and you only have control over yourself if you're a close enough friend you know having a conversation with her you know constantly and just talking generally about you know if you feel that it is something that's annoying you but it's difficult it's really difficult everyone has their own way of looking at life and unless you're a coach or a therapist and to get deep down as to why she is that way you know and at the end of the day this whole topic it comes down to creating a habit people have created that habit about lying and having you know being seen in a certain way and obviously it's a lot of the time conforming to society and cultural norms and that's how they see their lives to be and they don't want to be seen to be bad or say no or not available which in an innocent way it can come across as you being nice because you don't want to say no to somebody but there are obviously you know consequences to that so you've got to be empathetic that she's probably going through her own things and unless you're trained to understand where she's coming from and question her in the right way as to why she's so determined to never say no you know because maybe she's had an experience where she's always been said no to and she doesn't want to give that effect to somebody else or she just wants to be looked at as someone that you know is always there for somebody so she has to make an excuse to say that well it's really not my fault I cannot be there for example but you know something's come up and there's a lie so it's the way you look at it the stories we tell ourselves constantly the meanings we give to whatever stories we attach and that creates you know this whole life and living situation that we're in so I wouldn't take it so personal you be honest as a friend about your life and about your things maybe you can have a conversation about you know there's no need to impress people you know outside of who you really are talk more generally about being authentic and real and genuine because that's what people appreciate and over time people do see the lies people do see the excuses because you sometimes get so caught up in it you forget and you get caught out on it and that's what happens so it could be more damaging so these are the things that can be spoken about in general you don't need to be hurtful and harsh in approaching it you don't need to even call people out people don't want that because I wouldn't want that you wouldn't want that you know you have to think and treat people how you want to be treated and there's a certain way in which you will speak so that sometimes when I talk to people I just talk on a general term because you know that's when they will touch on what they need and they'll take what they need and it doesn't become personal it doesn't become an attack you're not labelling anyone because you honestly don't know so I would just be open about just talking generally about things and having these conversations in general and inshallah you know she will change her ways but I think generally for this topic a lot of people that find themselves lying you know cheating, deceitful and being betraying you know it's whose word are you listening to you know Allah's word is being truthful keeping to your word keeping to your commitment keeping to your promise these things are so important don't take it for granted I know we change over time and our minds change and our circumstances change but if you're a committed person and you are your word and you become somebody who is that there is more for you and if you are somebody who's going to put someone else first especially your own family you will succeed even more and the doors will open for you even more so without you even knocking on them it will come to you and if there is a problem because just like gambling and you know whatever other addictions you may have lying and cheating is kind of like that and the best way forward is to seek help see a therapist see a counsellor see a life coach whoever it may be talk about your situation because it all comes from something and some place a lot deeper and we're not addressing these issues and if these issues are not being addressed there's only more and more people that's going to be hurt and the most important thing is that you're going to be hurting yourself so to improve your life is to be more self-aware don't deceive yourself and then you won't deceive others and seek help if you know that awareness that exists within you and inshallah you know we will create new habits and program our minds and our brains to do something a lot more knowledgeable in the way we live in the way we look at life and our decisions and our choices will be a lot more wiser and according to the way in which we should be living Thank you Fahima that's all we have time for and thank you so much for yet again a very interesting and insightful and useful show again you know you've always got so much so much information and it's all been so helpful and interesting and you know never fails to amaze me and hurt me our viewers we've come to the end of our show today inshallah we'll be back next week with more of Fahima and her interesting topics thank you very much ma'asirallah if you've been affected by the following topics raised in this episode please contact your local GP or Fahima Muhammad on coachfm1athotmail.com