 Here's the thing it's not about getting the guy to like you. It's really more about all right Let's talk about those four beautiful behaviors that men are just gonna be absolutely addicted to you So I want to be candid with everyone. This title is a joke. I'm sorry. It's a joke I know I might be pissing off some people right now, but I have to say this it's a click-baked title, okay? And I say this because women often times won't search for terms that will actually Benefit them in their lives. They oftentimes are searching from a from a From a what's the word I'm looking for doing searching on relationship stuff And it's always about how to pretzel themselves for men How to pretzel themselves for men and I know this because so many of you women say to me Well, Jonathan, why aren't men doing this? Why aren't men listening to you? Why aren't men making all these changes? I agree with you I absolutely agree with you. I think part of the challenge is is that the real content Content you would be should be listening to you're not because you don't like the titles But you you hear this title and go okay great another way that I can get my guy to like me Here's the thing. It's not about getting the guy to like you. It's really more about you deciding if you like him It's really for you to decide is is he really compatible with me some of the questions You should be asking yourself does this guy have the capacity to commit to me and more so does this guy have the Relationship skills to actually be in a fully formed relationship. That's What you should be thinking about and not whether or not he finds these traits beautiful with you with it within you Okay, at least that's my perspective on all this But if I gave if the title was different you wouldn't have clicked on it So we're gonna start with we're gonna tell you what you want to hear, but we're gonna give you what you need Okay So I want to lean into this conversation because it's so important to actually choose Partners in the early stage of dating that you actually are compatible with That with him as I said before a man that's capable of committing and more importantly a man who has Relationship skills because the vast majority of human beings have terrible Relationship skills if you're not familiar with my I'm gonna show two charts really quickly This is my emotional maturity relationship skills chart. Okay. Now by the way on the bottom here It says this is not a fact. This is opinion But roughly I believe roughly 20% of the population has clinical issues that makes it very difficult for them to actually Be in a healthy happy relationship doesn't mean they can't but it makes it very difficult now over here I say 20% of the population is emotionally healthy and has good skills I'm being ridiculously generous when I say that percentage because as you can see here in the middle It says dysfunctional is about 60% and that's probably closer to 65 70% I'm sorry to laugh, but it's the truth. How do I know this? Why do 50% of marriages end up in divorce? Why did the other half of people are married are miserable? Why are couples therapies offices booming? Because human beings weren't taught how to be in a healthy happy relationship Repeat that most human beings were never taught how to be in a healthy happy relationship In fact, we we most of our patterning has been based on what we Perceived our parents were if we were lucky to have parents because many people weren't and a lot of times people have witnessed dysfunctional Relationship with their parents and guess what that bleeds on to us that imprints on to us in addition, and this is the most important thing I want to say most human beings are completely clueless to the following understanding that Chemistry does not equal relationship success. Let me repeat that chemistry doesn't equal relationship success And yet most people are hyper focused on chemistry and romance in the early stage of dating instead of the more important things And if you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg, most of you are I want you to see above the water line says the word Attraction and you can see the tip of the iceberg is chemistry Below the water line. What does that word say? It says compatibility? What does compatibility consist of shared values blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity what I've been talking about emotional maturity and relationship skills so ladies I'm here to say stop focusing on all the ways to be beautiful with for a guy and start learning the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship And I know by the way, I know many of you don't agree with me You have a completely different perspective perspective on this and yet I'm here to say Why is the dating process so dysfunctional? Why are relationships so dysfunctional? It's because most people You know something I'm going to pause for a second I've observed that dating today, especially for midlife And this is particularly for those who aren't actively looking for someone to make babies with and start a family with But most people in midlife There's two types of people that are dating those people that want to grow with someone or Those people that just want to spend time with someone I'm repeat that someone who wants to grow with someone and someone who just wants to spend time with someone And here's the challenge whether your man or woman Probably 90% are operating from the I just want to spend time with you now I know women have a propensity to want commitment more so than men Okay, you might not but not necessarily to grow with a guy a lot of times You might want commitment from a place of codependency, but not from a place of growth and this is why I'm I hugely hugely Emphasize over and over again to understand the mechanics to a healthy happy Relationship if you want to grow with someone and before as I always say the penis goes inside the vagina You should be purchasing the book eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman This teaches you the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship In other words when I mean by the mechanics that it sets you up with asking the right questions early on To determine does this person have relationship skills? Do they even want a committed relationship? Are we really compatible with one another and what was the third thing I said here? Oh, I forgot to include this and most importantly that he's into you, right? So you want to I'm gonna assume here for a second. You want a guy who is compatible with you who? Who wants commitment who has good relationship skills and who's into you so I get that the chemistry is an important piece? I'm not discounting that I'm just here to say Romance should be reserved for when you're in a relationship and not as a precursor to get into a relationship This is why my narrative is quite a bit different than most everyone's because it's more Most coaches focus on the attraction piece them and it's a Misinformed attraction piece because a lot of rhetoric out there tells women to just sit back in your feminine energy And the guy is gonna claim you well Let me just tell you this when you're dealing with a dysfunctional population Relationship wise I don't mean that people can't pay their bills and get to work on time or what not I'm talking about within a relationship Then it's gonna require looking at it from a different perspective and that's what I'm offering everyone here today Is to look at a different perspective. So these four beautiful behaviors come in a share And let me just say something to everyone. I get that It would be great if men were watching this Let me just say this would be and by the way more and more men are watching my channel I just saw earlier that someone in the chat box is a guy So that's good and I'm saying this because I'm a big believer of men learning Relationship skills as much as women It's just that women tend to purchase the relationship books ninefold greater than men So here's the thing you already have this wealth of knowledge. I'm here to encourage you to lean into Being to lean into how do I want to say this leading by example leading by example? That's what I want to encourage everyone to do. Okay, so we're gonna jump into those four behaviors in just a second So I'm gonna put on my trusty glasses. I actually got to clean my glasses really quick. I'll show you my notes bump bump bump And by the way the guy who's in the group just said amen to all the ladies that are reading these books And why I'm glad he said that because again leading by example is actually how you're going to bond with your guy And quite frankly, it's a better approach rather than creating the expectation that he knows what he's doing operate from the place of You are in charge of your relationship destiny and look I wish I could be there for you on first dates I'm your big brother. I wish I'd have the shotgun out there pointed at his nose and say what's your intentions with my little sister I wish I could do that for you. I want you to do that for yourself That's what I want to encourage everyone which kind of leads into our first of the four behaviors And that is I'm by the way everything I'm about to share here is going to be use the word mutual So I want you to start with mutual attitude and what I mean to say is Start acting like a guy start acting like a guy and what I mean to say here is men Don't traditionally give their power away to a woman in relationship not always but most of the time Men don't give their power away to a woman and yet sadly women Continually give their power away to men you continually it's always the relationship is predicated on on his terms Okay. Now the minute you make it. It's about a his terms that all of a sudden you're behind the eight ball because he's never going to do it The way you want it to be and he's operating the way he wants to so I'm here to say to adopt the The mindset that you are in charge of your relationship destiny and you never give your power away to a man This is in essence what I talked about in my book. What the heck is self-love anyway? What the heck is self-love anyway? By the way links to all the books. I recommend are listed below This is a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work So you can actually love yourself to the point where you're not actually giving your power away to a man Okay, and that's how and by the way since men don't necessarily give their power away to a woman in Relationship and what I mean by giving your power away Expecting the man all the content to call the time expecting the man to plan all the dates You know if the man is upset in the relationship It's all about why he's upset instead of looking inward These are just examples when the relationship is over you oftentimes focus on what's wrong with the guy What's wrong with the guy? What's wrong with the guy instead of looking inward and saying why did I choose this person? Why did I choose this person? You know looking inward looking Introspectively instead of focusing on guy is how you maintain your power So mutual attitude of don't give your power away now believe me There are plenty of dysfunctional men that give their power away. I get that but listen Sadly here in the United States most humans are suckling on the nipple of I need you to love me So I can feel good about myself. I repeat that. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself I need you to love me I need you to validate me so I can feel good about myself and I'm here to say start operating from the place of I feel good about myself. I have my power my self-worth my self-confidence my self-esteem my self-reliance Because that is a very attractive and addictive quality to have in your life Number two. I call this mutual mental foreplay mutual mental foreplay What I mean to say is a relationship the dating process today could use a kick in the butt with flirtation with cockiness with being brash being sexy being bold You know and this this starts by in even in the flirtation using our devices And I mean and being a little bit, you know a bit cocky is okay. It's actually very attractive It's a very by the way ladies admit it to me. You're attracted to cocky confident guys What's the same for us men? We do like that flirtation that boldness that brashness that sexiness the flirtation So start the you know, and I know it's difficult because listen folks It's incredibly difficult today because we're meeting total strangers We're meeting total strangers. We know so little about them and because of this Emotional intimacy isn't being built these days. I'm repeat that. Let me reframe that Emotional intimacy isn't being built which means emotional safety isn't being experienced I'm repeat that emotional safety isn't being experienced Do you know what emotional safety is is being in a relationship trusting that that person Cares as much about your feelings as you care about your feelings yourself I'm repeat that that's emotional safety when you know that you're what that's trust basically when you know You're with someone who's that they care about your feelings as much as you care about your feelings So isn't it fascinating how quickly people will have sex and they won't know each other's last names They won't know each other's birth dates. They don't even know each other's favorite colors We know so little about people and this is why I'm leaning into this and this is why I've been lately talking about the book Talking to strangers how to get to know the people we don't know folks. Let me just tell you something It required listen Chemistry and romance isn't going to rate each equal relationship success. What's going to equal relationship success? Emotional intimacy and emotional safety and and that means it's time to be radically honest with One another. This is why lately. I've been recommending the book by Robert Masters called emotional intimacy. By the way, both these books I recommend These are tough reads. These are easy reads. You may want to get the audio version of it but it's because of a lack of depth that Many of these relationships are fizzling out because it's hyper focused on attraction and chemistry and not enough building the heart space This is why I've been I recommend this book over and over because it throws out the bullshit gender rhetoric and Starts to talk about how to date from a heart-centered space and this is why I recommend if the Buddha dated if the Buddha dated by the way Check out the links below Okay, number and by the way what I'm about to share next is exactly from the book if the Buddha dated and it's what I call Mutual effort mutual effort you know The dating process Expectation is the man is the leader of the dating process. Okay, let me just tell you this to men that is Draining that is exhausting when it's always the man initiating text messaging and man initiating planning dates and and whatnot That's exhausting and draining to men This is why a lot of men begin to bread crumb because the expectation is all on us I'm here to invite mutual effort and I got to tell you mutual effort is addictive and sexy and Attractive I've shared this story before I'm going to share it again. This is an example of mutual effort. I Was on a date some years ago We went to a dive bar and I paid for the first round of drinks And when it was time to pay for the second round She reaches for a credit card and hands it to the bartender and I go no No, I got it. She goes I got it and I go no. No, I got it. She goes I got it We got into a little pissing match. Okay for fun. I mean it wasn't for fun But I mean that's what happened now a lot now because my traditional upbringing said I have to pay things That's the way I was taught. Okay. That's where I was raised So what she did next blew me away She put her hand on my arm and looked me straight in the eye and said Jonathan I really appreciated you treated that last round Would you allow me to show my appreciation by treating you because you're worth it to me? Can you receive? I mean, I was in shock. I was in absolute shock what she said I was floored and in that I and then that moment. I said wow This person could be a partner in my life and while it didn't work out because we had other differences What I appreciated most was the effort You know what? Making mutual effort and it doesn't have to be tit for tat and it's not about paying for dates It's about looking at each other's life right from the very beginning and making mutual effort What did I write down here is another example? Anyways, I forgot I had some notes here and I forgot what it was but my point is Mutual effort because here's the thing to build that intimacy to build that deeper connection And by the way, that effort could be he's paying for the dates and you're initiating the emotional intimacy That's a balance in effort. Okay. I'm here to say most men don't know how to connect to their heart It takes a woman for a man to connect to his heart and that's what I'm inviting you to do making mutual effort instead of in your feminine By the way, most folks know I can't stand that and it's because that Feminine energy coaching to me is princess energy coaching and it just sets you up for failure in the long run Especially if you're in midlife it can set you back and thankfully many of you have been saying the same in the comments Okay, number four is What I call mutual adoration mutual adoration by the way, did you notice I use mutual and all this because I'm not making this one-sided and Mutual adoration in particular in each person's authority in life in each person's authority in life. So let me give you an example Whether I'm an authority or not I am actually a very successful dating a relationship coach I'm probably in the top five percent in the whole country And I'm I'm basing that probably on income and there's probably people that make way more than me and 95% of people make no money by the way all the dating advice out there that the dating coaches you watch 95% of them barely make a dollar Okay, and I'm not saying it's about the money, but I will say this people are successful at what they do tend to be better at What they do so coming back to what I do for a living, you know My heart yearns for a woman and goes wow, I admire what you do. I admire your authority I admire your confidence what you do and by the way a man should be doing the same in your authority in life Whatever that is Whatever that is in fact, I have a friend you I've talked about my Pilates instructor quite a bit By the way, we are not dating we would never date because we're brother and sister But I really appreciate her authority because she's helping me retrain my back And I find that incredibly attractive so appreciate and adore someone's authority in life and their their particular authority because that Look at we all need Mediation to some degree and so when we when we spend time focusing on the more important things instead of criticism contempt defensiveness and stonewalling and we focus more on on Appreciation on attention on affection on acceptance when we focus more in that area That's highly attractive in the long run and that's what we'll be addicted to So let me repeat this one more time Mutual attitude start to think don't give your power away Mutual mental foreplay be cocky before be sexy be brash be flirty number three mutual efforts Don't expect by the way men don't have the capacity to do it all on themselves You have to make effort and this starts from the very first date and lastly mutual adoration mutual adoration all right, I Think we covered a lot today All right, it's time to jump to our Q&A for those listening right now Let's all I hope this content provided value again. I want to say this look it I know these titles Are most most are designed to get you to click what I'm here to say is what's most important in your life is Loving on yourself. It's not about whether or not the guy cares about you. What matters most is you care about you and Choose men who are compatible With you that want commitment that have relationship skills and most importantly that you're into each other Because the best part about being in a relationship is parking on a regular basis So choose not focusing on the sex focusing on those other things because the sex is just the icing on the cake when you have Emotional intimacy which I said earlier leads to emotional safety and when you can feel that level of trust with someone That's the kind of relationship. I'm hoping that we all get to experience at some point in our lives All right, I'm gonna wrap up this live stream as I always do first off post a comment below if you're resonated with you Have any questions? I do my best to read them all please share this with your friends. There's links to my coaching There's a link to my membership group There's a link to my Instagram if you want to follow me on Instagram and also my book and everything I recommend All right, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off Give myself a big gigantic troth America self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love If that's okay I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank Patricia and grace and roller girl and sherry