 section number four of a hypocritical romance and other stories this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org recording by softstepgd a hypocritical romance and other stories by Caroline Tickner a little study in common sense whatever lesser or greater articles of faith we have the foolishness or wisdom to question there is one to which we all subscribe one which rich and poor and high and low adopt in pleasing unison the wise man in his wisdom still adheres to it and even the fool has wits enough not to despise it this is the doctrine of common sense nothing avails you if you have not common sense we had claimed at frequent intervals during our journey from the cradle to the grave we early learn to reverence and respect it though we may fail to doff our caps to age or to be reasonably civil to our betters as we increase in years we generally value still more highly sound common sense and fancy that most of the ills which have beset our pathway have crept in when this admirable commodity was absent and so no doubt they have and when all age advances we ever throw the weight of our experience to the balance with cool common sense of which we prayed in sufferably to all young persons as though their chance of happiness depended solely on the attainment of this desirable quality most of the luckless beings who alight upon the surface of this earth arrive here in a very full estate and needs must spend the best years of their lives in fostering the little grain of sense which they have been endowed with at the start Mrs. D. Forrest Bristol's daughter Juliet was not one of these she came into the world Minerva like armed and equipped with an almost incredible amount of common sense she was born preemptly sensible and as an age when other children behave themselves or misbehave themselves like the unreasonable babies that they were she bore herself with an intelligence and dignity which quite electrified her parents and other relatives she early scorned a baby's rattle as a source of entertainment preferring to watch the movements of those around her while listening to their conversation and if she did sometimes consent to bite upon a rubber ring it was because she realized that by doing so she hastened the arrival of her least progressive teeth Juliet never screamed violently for no cause whatsoever as did her brothers and sisters in their infancy not that she show exaggerated glee over some brightly colored ball or painted top she never made the entire household wretched because her dinner chance to be delayed or woke them up at some unearthly hour solely because her morning nap had been abridged she seemed to comprehend without the least adieu that dolls were stuffed with sawdust or cotton wool and to accept the lamentable fact with philosophic calmness she understood that dolls were merely play things and not alive and therefore did not weep or make a fuss when they were injured or destroyed no she was far too sensible for that Juliet's keen perception early did away with myths regarding Santa Claus whom she deserved at once as old uncle Charlie done up in fur with a painted face on and after that no urging or persuasion could induce her to hang up her stocking just for a make believe man to play he came and filled it so she received her presence with the older members of the family and was duly informed from whom they came the fairies and the mischief making brownies she dismissed with a disdainful wave of her small hand and banished mother goose and nonsense rhymes into the farthest corner of the nursery shelves while pointing out to her surprised mama that the Arabian knights were wrong wrong stories right straight through if at times Juliet disobeyed her parents she invariably received the necessary punishment with an emotion akin to gratitude because she realized that any chastisement administered was for her good when any of the other children slapped her she never attempted to slap back because she could foresee that by doing so she would provoke another and still hired a slap and so be worse off than before Mrs Bristol never needed to urge her daughter to brush her hair or wash her face and hands for Juliet at once perceived how much the application of sponge and hairbrush contributed towards the attractive personal parents the necessary warnings which were fruitlessly bestowed upon the other children were never lost upon Juliet she did not rush pel mel into the dripping grass in her best shoes or swallow quartz of deadly ice water overheated or eat green apples or touch poison ivy to see if it was really poisoned when she was eight years old Juliet protested that she must really be allowed to change her name to Julia that seemed to her so much more sensible a name she expressed much wonder at her mother's having chosen such a sentimental name for any child and Mrs Bristol who really was a very sentimental woman and dotted upon high flown names assented somewhat roofily to the arraignment of her tastes in this respect and to the substitution of Julia nor did she dare to own to her own stern mentor and when she had selected the much scorned Juliet her wayward fancy had strongly leaned towards Hildegard Julia grew up a most obedient and thoughtful child who could be trusted to look out for the other children who were several years her senior and to prevent their getting into mischief she always carried her waterproof umbrella and rubbers when it looked the least bit cloudy and in consequence was never drenched by unexpected showers although it was astonishing to note how often the weather cleared having the thoughtful Julia to trudge home laden with the emblems of her forethought not in use whereas if it did rain the other children usually scrambled under her umbrella and reached home quite as dry as she Julia was very much respected by her schoolmates as such a highly sensible girl must needs have been but she was seldom asked to share the foolish secrets which delighted so many of the schoolgirls or to take part in any youthful escapades Julia the others knew had too much sense for any search diversions so they asked her to show them how to work their difficult examples and then went off and eat their chocolate cream and pickles with someone else all the teachers held Julia in highest team they always knew what to expect of her and where to find her and were not disappointed she studied faithfully because she realized that if she wasted her pressure school days she would be very sorry in her after years moreover she knew that at her age the mind grasped new ideas more readily than at a later date and understood that information then acquired would remain with her all through her life Miss Mills the oldest teacher in the academy declared that in all her experience she had never come across a mind so logical and finally balanced as Julia's she regarded her with steadily increasing interest and pronounced her a most remarkable young woman yet Miss Mills favorite pupil was Elsie Brown a perfect flyaway who never could remember where the lesson was and when she did forgot to learn it although Julia was not the oldest sister her brothers invariably consulted her on questions of importance and brought her their toned garments to meant appreciating her sensible advice and clever needlework but they confided their youthful woes their towering aspirations and idle daydreams to their other sisters who were not quite as intelligent as Julia and it was Rose or Winifred who helped to manufacture highly decorative missives to be dispatched in an old sin valentine's behalf Julia's brothers were very proud of her ability for she excelled in everything she attempted she could throw a ball swim ride row or play tennis with the best of them and seemed to understand just how things should be done even before she had been shown the way her brother's friends too equally admired Julia's prowess and held her up to an example to their sisters but it was Rose or Winifred whom they invited to walk with them or to go for a paddle in their canoes this certainly seemed a very curious mistake for them to make for the young fellows knew that Julia was in every way superior to her sisters who were really very senseless young women foolish enough to fancy that the young men who took them out canoeing were very clever and remarkably fine fellows whereas their sister could have told them that they were very common place the young men all appreciated Julia's powers of conversation for after they had talked to her they went away declaring that she was as intelligent and bright a young girl as they had ever met and if they sent back bunches of violets and boxes of candy to her sisters and not to her it was because they felt that she was quite too sensible to value such trivial things Julia enjoyed remarkably good health although in early childhood she had been more delicate than all the other children for she had always taken the best care of herself while her sisters were often very reckless about taking cold she always went provided with extra wraps and her precautions invariably preserved her health unless per chance on some occasion she insisted upon putting her wraps on someone else more thinly clad than she her common sense although it kept her well did not however ensure her sisters and so she often was obliged to nurse them and take them gruel and bathe their aching heads with weak cologne which was almost as tiresome as having some ailment herself Julia was always popular at parties because she danced so gracefully and talked so well and yet her sisters always got more favors in the Germans than she for everyone knew she was too sensible to mind whether she had favors or not while other girls were very much provoked if they did not receive a goodly number Julia was with all a very pretty girl but no one ever mentioned the fact because all knew that she thought more of intellectual worth than the mere superficial beauty which was only skin deep and bound to fade away in a few years so no one dreamed it would have pleased her to have been told her eyes were brilliant or her teeth like pearls they saved such silly speeches for her sisters and talked to her of science literature yes even politics they could discuss intelligently with her and she had sense enough to recognize the value of such conversation though possibly she would have very much enjoyed the other kind at times Julia would play the piano for hours at a time while the others danced and nobody felt troubled because all knew she could play dance music more easily and better than any of the rest and was too sensible to mind whether she danced herself or not moreover if the other girls were called to play they would invariably expect some man to hover close to the piano to turn the music over while Julia always said that it was much more sensible for all the men to dance and then she played without her notes there was one specially attractive man who seemed particularly fond of Julia but she was far too sensible to offer him any encouragement he would never converse with her intelligently on any of the weighty topics which usually interested her but reveled in a perfectly nonsensical discourse which would have certainly discussed Julia had she not had the sense to recognize beneath this flippant speech a fine and sterling character which reconciled her to a great deal of his frivolous conversation and he favored her with a most generous amount he used to talk to Julia as foolishly as if she had been Rose or Winifred and would make complimentary remarks about the color of her eyes or the greek outline of her profile instead of talking literature or ethics as did her other friends Julia who could not but feel regretful at the superficial way in which so find a mind expressed itself drove patiently to talk to him on more improving subjects although her zeal was wholly misinterpreted by Rose and Winifred who said that she was not so fond of talking sense as she pretended this young man even went so far astray from paths of common sense as to beg for a lock of Julia's hair which she of course refrained from giving him and actually stole one of her photographs from her eldest brother's dressing table after she had most sensibly refused to give him one this she regarded as a dreadful piece of folly but she had sense enough to make no fuss about it and not to mention it to her two sisters so the young man kept the picture when he came to call he did not even ask to see the other members of the family but told the maid that if Julia was not in he would come again some other time Julia was far too sensible to favor such a line of action and always called in Rose and Winifred who did not know that he had specially refrained from asking for them and freely took part in the conversation not dreaming that he might have actually preferred to see Julia alone at first this used greatly to annoy the caller who considered that he was being treated shabbily but after some little time he became reconciled to Rose and Winifred and never failed to ask for the young ladies this same man was extremely fond of chess and used to drop in very frequently to play with Julia who generally could beat him she played so fine a game and after they had ended a long and scientific struggle he would suggest that after such a contest they really ought to step out onto the cool veranda to see the moon and get a breath of air and she would readily assent knowing that it was very beneficial to fill one's lung with pure fresh air before retiring for the night now although Rose and Winifred did not play chess they often hovered near and watched the game and when the visitors suggested that they adjourn in search of oxygen or moonlight Julia's common sense would not ignore the fact that pure fresh air was also beneficial for Rose and Winifred who in their turn had not the sense to realize that the young man might perhaps prefer a tetetet with Julia but joined the chess players without waiting for further urging which they undoubtedly would never have received as they inhale the evening breeze on the cool veranda the young man would devote himself to Julia while Rose who was invariably on hand sat idly thrumming her guitar she made a very pretty picture as the moonlight fell upon her as both the others could not fail to realize though Julia was the first to call attention to the fact and the visitor having once had his attention directed towards the picturesick musician glanced frequently at her as he continued his conversation with her sister and it was hardly strange that his mind sometimes wondered from the intelligent discourse he was enjoying to Rose's fitful melodies or that he even irrelevantly asked her to sing him this or that pet song instead of answering at once some question which Julia had propounded as the long summer evenings crept by the visitor's interest in Rose's songs increased owing to the heat which lessened his enthusiasm for chess which never could have equaled Julia's who would have played willingly with him no matter to what altitude the mercury had climbed yes the young man's interest in chess had certainly declined and though he had declared in times gone by that he enjoyed this favorite game above all else he now showed no desire to indulge in it at all and as they sat upon the porch his conversation which I regret to say showed little of the intellectual quality which Julia had endeavored to uncalculate was oftener addressed to Rose than to her sister in fact he hardly noticed that Julia often slipped away and left him there with Rose or if he did apparently he did not mind it for Rose was very charming although not intellectual in the least and looked at him with an undisguised admiration which Julia even she had felt would have been quite too sensible to have exhibited and so at last Rose and the visitor drifted away from Julia altogether and she seeing that her society was easily dispensed with had too much sense to intrude where her company was not particularly desired therefore it came about that when the young man came to call he asked for Rose who not being sensible at all did not feel called upon to urge her sister Julia to join them and one day Rose and the young man who had been so devoted to her sister became engaged and he forgot that he had stolen Julia's picture or had considered chess the finest game in all the world so much greater was his enthusiasm for music especially that played by Rose on her guitar when the engagement was announced to Julia she kissed her sister and extended her hand to the young man who had once wanted a block of her hair but when the latter gaily said that he should claim the privilege of saluting his future sister she swiftly turned and left the room I always thought that Julia barely tolerated me the young man said but now I almost feel as though she actually dislikes me to which Rose who knew her sister better only answered evasively never mind she will get over it in time and Julia went and locked herself into her room and sat for hours at her desk gazing at a small package of letters fastened together with an elastic band she deemed blue ribbon very foolish which letters she read over slowly several times before she tore them up after that she sat for a long time trying to convince herself that Rose would after all make the young man a great deal happier than she could ever have hoped to but her good common sense refused this consolation and told her plainly that this was not the case so she sat motionless and watched a scrap basket where she had thrown all the tone up package of letters but she was far too sensible to cry and Rose married the man who used to play so many games of chess with Julia and no one ever dreamed except Rose and she never told the dream that Julia cared she was as sensible and practical as ever and it was owing to her clear head and clever management that all the wedding festivities went off so smoothly when you're married Julia Winifred cried enthusiastically after the bride had taken her departure you won't need anyone to manage things for you you understand so perfectly how everything ought to be Julia did not reply at once but turned and walked over to a long window and stood there looking out for some time onto the veranda where in the silver moonlight she had thoughtfully discussed so many intellectual themes with the young man who had just driven away with Rose amid a shower of rice I am too sensible ever to marry she answered quietly and so indeed she was End of Section 4 Recording by SoftStepGD Section 5 of a Hippocritical Romance and Other Stories This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org A Hippocritical Romance and Other Stories by Caroline Tick-Noir Mr. Herd's Holiday No business tomorrow, my dear Mr. Herd announced cheerfully to his better half as he stepped into the sitting room and deposited several brown paper bundles upon one of the chairs Why, to be sure, she responded, brightening I had almost forgotten that it will be a holiday What are you going to do to celebrate? I suppose that we might all go off somewhere for the day She concluded thoughtfully Mr. Herd shook his head There are a number of things about the house which I am intending to look into tomorrow It is only a few days ago that you were complaining that I was not more domestic So now I am going to turn over a new leaf I have come to the conclusion that we are constantly paying out money to incompetent workmen For little odd repairs that I could just as well do myself Any man with brains and the proper tools at hand can turn off a good many dollars' worth of work in his bare moments He went on as he removed the paper wrappings from the several bundles Are you sure that you are feeling as well as usual, Theodore? His wife inquired, watching him in anxious astonishment While she recalled her many fruitless efforts in the past to awaken in him a desire to help about some slight household detail which sadly needed attention Never better, my dear, he answered, unrolling a bottle of glue and setting it upon the mantelpiece Why do you ask? Well, you see, Theodore, it is such a new departure for you that I couldn't help wondering if Well, if what? If anything were the matter If you were quite yourself You're not feverish, are you, Theodore? She concluded, running her fingers over his forehead Mr. Herd smiled benignly as he produced a small can of paint and a brush which he sat down next to the glue I'll tell you just how it happened, my dear, he said On my way downtown, I overtook lovering And as we walked along together, I asked him casually how he was going to celebrate tomorrow As I usually spend my holidays, he replied in repairing and tinkering up things about the house and doing my best to freeze out the carpenter and the plumber besides sorting over old papers and putting things to rights that I seldom have a chance at After I left him, I began to think how many holidays I had wasted when I might have been really accomplishing something and have had money in my pocket to boot I have reformed, my dear, he concluded opening the last of the paper bundles as you will see tomorrow Here are half a dozen new tools which I find I need if I am to do anything of this kind really well Isn't that a nice little hammer? And you remember that we hadn't any chisel or screwdriver that a man could properly work with Mrs. Heard gazed at her husband while tears rose to her eyes Theodore, she said, huskily You have realized one of my dearest hopes With all your faults, you have always been far ahead of other men And now, now I am almost afraid you are too perfect You're sure that you do feel quite well and haven't any sharp pain darting through your chest? The following morning, Mr. Heard began to carry out his good resolutions immediately after breakfast and when the younger children urged him to go for a walk he informed them that father had some very important work to do but that they might watch him if they liked Mrs. Heard met him soon afterwards mounting the attic stairs followed by a procession of willing helpers Where are you going? Theodore, she inquired It is a long time since we had the tank cleaned out he responded, and I see no need of paying an incompetent and expensive plumber who brings another man to stand around and look at him for doing a simple thing like that Very well, dear, his wife said Encouragingly, only are you sure that you understand all about it? Of course I do, he replied, a trifle indignantly and Mrs. Heard realizing that she ought to have more confidence in him than to suggest such a possibility retired meekly to her own room where she quietly settled herself to her embroidery It is such a comfort to have Theodore interested in these little household matters She murmured, contentedly It is an education for the children, too She meditated as she listened to them running up and downstairs to bring their father first one thing and then another and heard his voice from above instructing them to start all the faucets running in the bathroom and to bring him a pail and two or three sponges In the course of five minutes her youngest son appeared at her elbow What is it, Johnny? She questioned Father wants his other pair of glasses He announced He has just mashed his best ones What? Those beautiful new pebbles? Mrs. Heard cried regretfully How did it happen? Oh, he was just looking down into the tank and they dropped off and struck on a piece of lead pipe Johnny answered Skipping gaily away with the other pair of glasses To him these little casualties added greatly to the enjoyment of the occasion In a short space of time a wrap at Mrs. Heard's door caused her to look up from her work In the door wasted the cook apparently much agitated Oh, mum, she gasped breathlessly some thins a leak and will-yes come down to the kitchen sure and the sealants all wet and drippin' down on me Mrs. Heard sprang up They must have let the bathtub overflow She exclaimed Come, we must all turn to the mops cloths and all the sponges we can get hold of I suppose you know, Theodore, that you have flooded the house She called upstairs adding Quick, Johnny, bring me down all those sponges this very minute As Johnny came leisurely downstairs with the necessary sponges He remarked, gleefully Pa couldn't clean it out much of any After all, he says that no one but the plumber can get at it At this point, having ridged his mother's side he whispered He has broken his other glasses, too But he said we needn't say anything to you about it A little later in the morning when the household had once more resumed its usual atmosphere of tranquility Mr. Heard entered the sitting room with an air of quiet determination I am going to adjust that new gas burner that I bought so long ago He remarked, displaying it Oh, Theodore, don't you think you had better leave it till the gas man comes? His wife remonstrated Nonsense, he responded I should hope that I could screw on a simple fixture like that Boys, he added Just run down, cellar, and bring me up the tallest steps And then ask Jane if she knows where the monkey wrench was put Mrs. Heard withdrew once more to the seclusion of her own apartments After a timid protest regarding the danger of allowing the gas to escape too freely she embroidered peacefully for a few moments and was beginning to congratulate herself that all was well when a doll thud accompanied by a crash caused her to spring to her feet Oh, what has happened? She called out in agonized tones Are you killed, Theodore? Mrs. Heard rushed frantically downstairs in time to catch sight of her husband picking himself up from the floor where he had apparently been seated amidst shattered fragments of several glass globes which had accompanied his sudden descent while the voices of the children questioned anxiously Have you hurt yourself, Papa? Before his family could ascertain how badly he had been injured he rose majestically swelling with righteous indignation and even refusing to allow Mrs. Heard to examine the cut on his left wrist which was bleeding freely from too close a contact with one of the defunct gas globes It is shameful to keep a pair of steps like that in the cellar of any respectable house He thundered, crunching the broken glass underfoot They are only fit for kindling wood They should have been chopped up long ago long ago I never in my life saw such a shiffless set of people Nobody takes a bit of interest in anything about the house but everything is left for me to attend to and I I have nothing more important to do than to spend my time regulating the contents of the attic and the cellar And now look at that And he pointed upwards to the half-adjusted gas fixture Mrs. Heard turned her eyes in that direction and allowed them to rest regretfully on the chandelier which was bent far out from its usual position and no longer hung at right angles from the ceiling Never mind that, Theodore, she said consolingly I am thankful that it broke your fall We shall have to get the gasman here to fix it And he can finish adjusting the new burner at the same time So please say you won't attempt to do anything more to it just now Won't you, Theodore? And Mr. Heard said he wouldn't After luncheon, Mrs. Heard urged that it would be a good chance for them to make a long talked-of call on their new neighbors across the way I've been waiting for you to go with me, Theodore She ventured persuasively But he shook his head and insisted that he didn't feel like making calls Then I'll run over without you She said, residedly, thinking that he might be feeling somewhat lame After his fall from the tallest steps, I shan't be gone long She said, pleasantly, looking into the library where her husband was settled comfortably with his pipe and one of the magazines Why don't you take a nap while I'm gone? She suggested, pausing with her hand on the front door knob Then she went cheerfully on her way When Mrs. Heard returned, three quarters of an hour later a strong odor of paint greeted her nostrils mingled with another unmistakably like benzine Johnny, she inquired of her youngest boy who was buried in a book in a distant corner of the library Where is your father? Oh, he's upstairs, painting the back entry He responded, I was helping him but I got some paint on me and he sent me down here On you? His mother exclaimed, scrutinizing him hastily Say, rather, all over your lovely new suit Oh, Johnny, how could you be so careless? Mrs. Heard hurried upstairs guided by an increasing odor of paint which plainly bespoke the continuance of Mr. Heard's good resolutions As she opened the door into the back entry her husband's voice called to her to look out for the paint I've painted the door on both sides, he concluded But this warning came too late for already her velvet cape had swept against the newly coated surface This was more than flesh and blood could withstand And Mrs. Heard's pent-up indignation burst forth I should think that you had done enough harm for one day Theodore, she exclaimed, reproachfully My best cape is entirely ruined And you know it isn't paid for yet I meant to have told you that the bill for it came only yesterday Go back Don't come out here, my dear Mr. Heard cried excitedly We've just met with an accident They will happen in the best regulated families You know Here his voice took on a more persuasive tone As he cast a hurray look at his wife who stood like some avenging spirit in the doorway And then he stooped down and continued to rub the carpet energetically with a roll of cloth which he held in one hand Have you decided to paint the entry carpet with a whole roll of my emergency bandages? Theodore? Mrs. Heard said, coldly I thought you had bought yourself a new brush for that purpose Then she relented slightly at sight of his dejected countenance As he knelt upon the floor What was the catastrophe this time? She questioned mournfully I was opening that largest pot of paint and very excellent painted is too He responded volubly When Johnny knocked my elbow wholly by accident my dear and sent the contents all over the floor So we have had rather bad work here with it But it's pretty much all up now He announced with an effort at great cheerfulness as he gave a final rub with the emergency bandage After all this carpet is about worn out Mr. Heard went on So a little paint on it doesn't matter Moreover I told the boys that they might as well begin to take it right up and I would see about getting a new one tomorrow They're workers, I can tell you Why, they have taken out all the tax already And, by the way Johnny stepped on one and ran it into his foot and I told him he had better let you look at the place To see if there was any danger of his having locked jaw or anything of that sort I will go and bathe his foot in hot water at once She replied Turning to depart Then she paused and looked across the back entry at her husband who stood confronting her in his shirt sleeves May I ask why the stopper is out of that bottle of benzene? She queried Oh, he answered meekly putting in the cork I got a little paint on my own coat and I thought that benzene would take it off I've heard you say that it was the best thing Mrs. Heard lifted her skirt gingerly and stepped across the entry carpet I will take your coat and get off the paint Theodore, she said reassuringly If you will promise me one thing promise me that you will under no circumstances help any more about the house Very well, he assented Then I won't melt up any of that glue I brought home to mend the chairs with No, no, indeed She protested earnestly If you have any love for me Theodore, say that you will do nothing of the sort It is all very well for ordinary men Men who haven't your talents and ability to do such things But with you it is quite different You are capable of something better Spend your holidays any way you like Go to the club, go fishing Eat, smoke, play billiards But give me your word that Whatever happens You will never be helpful about the house again And with his hand upon the benzene bottle Mr. Heard took a solemn oath that he never would End of section five Section number six of a hypocritical romance and other stories This is a LibriFox recording All LibriFox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer Please visit LibriFox.org A hypocritical romance And other stories By Carolyn Tickner The evolution of a bonnet Miss Elizabeth Moore was quite a philosopher in her own way Though no one would have been more astonished than she to have been told so In fact, I doubt if her ideas about philosophers Were at all distinct Had you insisted upon a definition She would have told you that Thornbridge Being a busy place Had no use for a class of individuals who talked Instead of working And who spent their time in thinking about things Instead of buckling down and doing them Thornbridge was a town in which the spirit of work Reigned supreme And the thrifty inhabitants had very few idle moments In which to grow unhappy Or discontented They lived in an ideal and Arcadian atmosphere Which was as yet unspoiled by any current from the Great Sea Of manufacturing interests The beauty of the country was, however, beginning to attract A rapidly increasing summer population to the picturesque old town Who, with their fancy cottages and wonderful equipages Filled the sturdy inhabitants with a kind of awe Which soon gave way to a hearty dislike As the invaders increased in numbers and, without saying by your leave Proceeded to erect casinos and bowling alleys And numberless other things for their own benefit Into which the worthy natives received no invitation to enter Moreover, the knowledge of the fact that the land Obtained from the honest farmers for a mere song Was sold again to others for five and six times The original amount aroused their righteous indignation Which was not lessened by the visitations of cruel And sweetly smiling ladies who, on some pretense or other, Found their way into the neat cottages and farmhouses And who, by virtue of a few fair words And a surprisingly few silver coins Carried off old clocks, old spinning wheels And old china from the simple farmers' wives and daughters To whom a little ready money seemed so much more precious Than the few household treasures which they gave in return The substantial old farmhouse occupied By Miss Elizabeth Moore and her niece, Delight Was on the very outskirts of the village And stood alone upon a little breezy Promonitory commanding a charming view of the village below The house and several acres of land had been Elizabeth's Share of old farmer Moore's property after his death And, in vain, had been the offers of the relentless summer borders Who would have liked to build upon this desirable spot Miss Elizabeth was firm on these occasions Though firmness was by no means one of her ruling characteristics She was, as her niece Delight often said, much too impulsive And had not her niece been on hand to see that she remained Unfaltering in her resolutions at some such time It is just possible that Miss Elizabeth might Dazzled by the offer of so much money, have sold the house and land And realized what seemed to her an enormous fortune by the transaction At the time of which I speak it was a perfect summer evening With just the faintest breeze rustling through the honey-suckles on the porch Miss Elizabeth sat stiffly in her high-backed rocker With her knitting in her hands and her busy needles clicked Regardless of the fast-settling darkness For she always thought with scorn of those who had to Look on to knit Delight, quite unconscious of the graceful picture she made, Was seated upon the upper step with her head resting against one of the posts About which the honeysuckle twined, forming a leafy background With its swaying tendrils and tassels And contrasting charmingly with the wavy brown locks Which remained unruffled by the breeze Her fine dark eyes were fixed with an intensely thoughtful Expression upon a distant hill And her hands were clasped in her lap With a firmness which denoted a mind Bent upon solving some important problem No, Aunt Lizzie, she was saying We cannot spare one cent to spend on a bonnet for me You know that the eggs did not bring in what we expected And it will take the last of my school money to pay for the flower on Saturday Sakes alive, exclaimed Miss Elizabeth I guess that man can afford to wait a while for his money His daughter's not in need of a bonnet Judging by what I saw of combined tail feathers and flower gardens On her head last Sunday And as for ribbons, why? She must have bought the stores out You must get you one with that kind of a high crown delight, she added Perhaps I may, but after the term is over Replied her niece in a decided tone Which did not prevent Miss Elizabeth from entering a final protest The term over indeed, she exclaimed indignantly And the longest terms and the smallest pay I declare it makes me provoked to think of your teaching Those aggravating little boys day in and day out For an independence and then not getting yourself a bonnet even It was only Tuesday week when Deacon Jones told me that There wasn't a girl in the village with your ability That's what he said and everybody with eyes knows That there's not one that can hold a candle to you in looks If you're not so stout and robust as Matilda Robinson If it wasn't for the opening of the fair I wouldn't feel so bad But to see all the fine summer people in that old faded white thing With the ribbon worse than none Why I've thought about how I can fix it up very nicely Aunt Lizzie interrupted the girl And after all, what's a bonnet? A bonnet is not everything What's a bonnet? Repeated Miss Elizabeth A bonnet is everything Don't interrupt me I haven't lived in Thornbridge almost half a century To have my experience go for nothing A first class stylish bonnet or hat On a woman's head is the next best thing to a crown of glory No man ever yet realized the importance of a bonnet A man wears a hat to keep his head warm or cool Or to shade his eyes And he hasn't intelligence enough to know That a woman does not do the same What sensible woman ever bought a bonnet Just because it was warm or cool or shady What she wants is to have it become her And if she is once satisfied that it really does She'll find and her friends'll find That she will wear that bonnet And that heat and cold or light and shade Aren't the consideration And so concluded Miss Elizabeth After pausing for breath You just remember that the bonnet is first As well as top most Get on a first class bonnet And whether you are in Thornbridge Or sailing up the Isle of St. Peter's in Rome You can look the whole world in the face And wear just whatever kind of dress you like The light listened with great enjoyment To her aunt's earnest discourse But all Miss Elizabeth's eloquence Failed to alter her niece's determination And the following morning saw her depart for school Taking with her the necessary money to pay For their last barrel of flour And nothing left for bonnets Mused her aunt in a tone of resignation As she watched delights trim figure Disappear down the road Wearing the neat but well worn black gown Which had been made over and turned Until even delights ingenuity had reached its limit After finishing the morning's work Which Miss Elizabeth never allowed to be a long process She put on her sun bonnet and Troll in hand stepped out into the garden To spend an hour among her flowers For the garden was her chief bride in joy She had gone only a few steps when she became aware That a light wagonette was stopping at the gate And a handsome athletic young fellow Who had reigned up a pair of spirited greys Jumped lightly to the ground And helped to elegantly dress ladies to a light He remained inspecting the horses While they advanced up the path toward Miss Elizabeth Who at once put them down on the list Of would-be purchasers of her land And prepared to meet them with a dignity and firmness Which should do credit to delights admonitions So she held her troll still in hand And bowed stiffly from the depths of her sun bonnet In return to their cordial salutation Young Mrs. Boylston, the elder of the two visitors Did most of the talking This is Miss Moore, I believe She began condescendingly At least they told me at the post office that Miss Moore lived here Yes, I am Miss Moore Responded Miss Elizabeth shortly You certainly have a most charming view here And the location is perfect I suppose the view of the village is even prettier from the piazza Mrs. Boylston suggested Miss Elizabeth remained immovably in the path Yes, she said, dryly, it is somewhat But she added briefly It's no use for you to look at it For the place is not for sale Not one square inch of it The ladies seemed much amused at this And Mrs. Boylston hastened to explain that they did not care to buy any land I have all the land I can manage now, Miss Moore And my sister and I are merely driving about the country to find From which of the high points the view is prettiest And she added, sweetly We thought that perhaps you would ask us Up on your fine breezy piazza for a moment Miss Elizabeth thawed at once And endeavored to atone for her previous incivility By bringing the most comfortable chairs for them to rest upon And begging that they would make themselves at home And stay as long as they chose I would ask you in, she added But I know it's nicer out here in the breeze We should like to take a peep at your house If you're willing Both the ladies exclaimed And Miss Elizabeth led the way into the cozy sitting room Which they inspected with apparent interest I see you have one of those old clocks, Miss Moore Remarked the younger lady Advancing towards the tall timepiece in the corner I don't suppose you care much for an old clock like this I would rather like to take one back to remember Thornbridge by Don't you want to sell it to me? Miss Elizabeth bridled up at once No, I don't think of putting up my things at auction just yet And as for relics You will have to look for them somewhere else Moreover, a clock that's in first class condition And keeps the best of time Is not much of a relic to my mind If it is old The visitors, beginning to realize that they would hardly reap The desired harvest here Prepared to withdraw After thanking Miss Moore for her kindness Mrs. Blueston, however Her eyes rested lovingly upon the heavy brass Candlesticks Determined to make one final effort in that direction I wish I knew where I could buy some candlesticks She exclaimed We have such trouble getting our rooms lighted up here Where there is no gas I don't care for very nice ones Almost anything would do Such as those, for instance Pointing to the ones on the mantle Of course I know that you would not part with those She hastily added Seeing Miss Moore preparing to bridle But if you could tell me where to go As she spoke Mrs. Blueston glanced into the mirror Over the fireplace and straightened her bonnet And at that moment Miss Elizabeth's mood changed Like a flash She would sell the old brass candlesticks She did not care for them And she didn't believe the light did And there would be some money for the new bonnet She surprised the ladies by remarking Well, I don't know as I care so much for the candlesticks But it is quite against my principles to sell things Still, just to oblige you I might be willing to part with them Mrs. Blueston's eyes brightened with pleasure But she only said, in a careless tone It would save me a good deal of trouble If you will let me have them I will give you fifty cents for the pair Very well You may have them Said Miss Elizabeth Stiffly Already regretting that she had not shown them the door Instead of humiliating herself to this extent She had thought that the candlesticks would be worth more But she was no judge of their value And fifty cents would hardly by delight The sort of new bonnet she desired She stepped into the china closet To get a piece of paper in which to wrap up the candlesticks When looking around She saw that her visitors had followed And were remarking that her old blue china just matched Some that they had Wouldn't she sell those two platters And the blue and white bowl She would give a dollar for each platter And fifty cents for the bowl Miss Elizabeth prepared to be indignant And to reject this offer with scorn But instead How she happened to do so she could not have told Except that the idea of that bonnet obliterated all others She found herself in possession of three crisp dollar bills And through the window she caught sight of the handsome young man Stowing something under the seat While the ladies talked and laughed In an animated way That grated terribly upon her ears Somehow she could not seem to settle down again to her work She took up the trowel and tried gardening But only for a few moments Then she came indoors again And sat down in her high-backed chair and rocked Set there absolutely idle If one whose thoughts are so active can be termed idle And the more she thought The more she became convinced that delight would not be pleased With the transaction Then she decided not to tell her where the money had come from Until some time after the bonnet had been purchased Delight came home that afternoon in unusual spirits And Miss Elizabeth watched at the doorway with pride and satisfaction As she approached with glowing cheeks and parted lips Which disclosed two rows of the whitest little teeth Visitors at school today Aunt Lizzie, she began seating herself upon the steps And such interesting ones, too None of your old fogies who insist upon making the boys Recite something that they don't know Tell me all about it, dearie, said her aunt Settling down with her knitting And beginning to wonder how she should ever bring in the money for the bonnet Successfully Well, you see, auntie They arrived just a few minutes before recess With dear old Judge Felton Who always has been so kind to me Too beautifully dressed ladies And, oh, such a very handsome young man The judge introduced them as Mrs. Boylston Her sister, Miss Hollis And her brother-in-law, Mr. Harold Boylston Judge Felton made some embarrassing remarks about my being his pet school marm And I realized how very shabby my old black dress looked But they were most agreeable And stayed and talked to me all through recess After which they drove off in a very stylish wagonette Mr. Boylston seemed very much interested in my method of teaching the boys And said he should like to come up again someday If I was willing How very nice of him remarked Miss Elizabeth Dryly Yes, continued her niece And the Boylstons are the people who have built that lovely new house At the other end of the village Where we saw the tennis courts being marked out Miss Elizabeth did not broach the bonnet question that evening But decided to wait until a more favorable moment arrived The following afternoon she sat down with her knitting to await her niece's return And she had just begun to wonder if the light were not later than usual When she heard voices And one of them was distinctly masculine As they reached the gate She recognized the same young man who had driven the spirited grays And he carried her niece's books with the same careless ease That had characterized his management of the horses He lifted his hat and departed And delight smilingly approached her aunt That was Mr. Ballston She remarked He is evidently very much interested in your method of teaching Miss Elizabeth said a little impatiently Yes, he really is very much interested in the schoolwork And he says that he thinks of teaching for a couple of terms Just for the practice Now that he has finished college Oh, said her aunt doubtfully Then she continued Do you realize that it is only three days before the fair And you haven't done a thing about that bonnet? So it is Replied delight Gravely Preparing to concentrate her whole mind Upon this vital subject But I had a bright idea today While the boys were doing mental arithmetic And I'm sure you'll think my new bonnet a success When you see it And not a cent of expense either No, dear You are to have a brand new stylish bonnet And it shall cost something And here is the money for it She added Drawing the three bills triumphantly out of her pocket Why, Aunt Lizzie Where did that come from? Cried her niece In surprise Never mind The fairies are around sometimes And why not here as well as elsewhere But no Delight would not be satisfied She would not use the money till she knew where it came from And little by little She drew the truth from her unwilling aunt And then it was that Miss Elizabeth began to realize What a very dreadful thing she had done How could she for an instant suppose that Delight would use a cent of such money How could she have tolerated even the slightest suggestion Of such a transaction? Hadn't she a particle of pride left? Oh, it was too humiliating And Delight burst into tears Miss Elizabeth was in the depths of despair She had thought that she was doing it for the best But she saw now that it was a great mistake She would send the money back However, take it back herself If necessary Anything If Delight would only not feel so badly Here her niece's indignation against Mrs. Boylston Broke forth To think of entering people's houses on false pretenses For the purpose of cheating them out of a few things Which they did not know the value of Three dollars, indeed And that young Mr. Boylston was with them at the time And then he dared to walk home with me after that Up to the very gate Interested in school teaching I presume he wishes to have as much fun out of the natives in this way As his sister-in-law does in hers But he will find that his amusement has ceased Where I am concerned There was to be no school on the following day But Delight came down earlier than usual And Miss Elizabeth timidly watched her determined expression And decided step as she moved about the house Seemingly unconscious of her on strenuous efforts To atone for her unpardonable offense By preparing as many of her favorite dishes as possible Delight, however exhibited But very little appetite for breakfast But noticing the expression of deep gloom Saddling over her aunt's face When she had twice refused to taste the delicately browned waffles She impulsively threw her arms about Miss Elizabeth's neck And kissing her exclaimed Don't you worry a bit about anything, auntie I am the most ungrateful girl living And you are the sweetest and most unselfish creature in the whole world I will make things all right And you shall see me in a bonnet which you shall be proud of The breakfast dishes cleared away Delight said to work at once upon the old and well-worn bonnet It was a light straw Trimmed with buff ribbons Which had long since faded into a doubtful white The straw was still in very good condition Although the shape was sadly out of style Miss Elizabeth eyed it mournfully But Delight said to work with an amount of assurance Which could not but inspire the most skeptical with confidence She soaked the old straw thoroughly in water And then, taking possession of the brown bread mold Shaped the crown skillfully over its top And after bending the brim of the bonnet Up at just the proper angle Fastened it firmly in place by winding string about it And left it to dry That shape will be just the latest agony She announced to Miss Elizabeth And now for my ribbon I am going to dye it cardinal She produced a small package of red powder And after dissolving it in water Lunged in all the faded buff ribbon Which came forth a beautiful shade of dark red And when it was ironed out Even Miss Elizabeth acknowledged That it could hardly have been told from new Though it is perhaps a trifle stiff She added Do you suppose that those old pink roses Would take the color too? Question Delight a moment later To which her aunt replied We can see And brought them down forthwith Delight let them sink deep into the red liquid And then drew them carefully out And hung them to dry near the stove They really looked remarkably well By this time the straw was dry And pressed firmly into shape And it now only remained to be trimmed Here Delight showed herself mistress of her art For her bows never flopped down When they should have stood up Nor stuck out where they should have gone in And she caught up the red roses on one side In just the most becoming way Showing enough to let you know That they were red roses And yet not too much To thrust upon your consciousness The fact that they were not Perhaps the most perfect kind of roses At last it was finished And the successful artist Tied the bowl under her chin And stood before the old fashioned mirror Inspecting her morning's work It is perfectly lovely Miss Elizabeth declared With enthusiasm And I should think it had come straight from Paris After dinner Delight arrayed herself In her best gown It was a pale gray cashmere And perfectly simple But it fitted her graceful figure Without a wrinkle And then after adjusting the new bonnet Which still filled her aunt With awe and admiration She drew on her silk gloves And prepared to start out Miss Elizabeth did not dare to ask any questions With regard to her mission But she did venture to call After her in a frightened tone Don't do anything that you may be sorry for Delight No aunt Lizzie She returned in a calm voice As she moved slowly down the walk Stopping only long enough To put one dark red rose into her buttonhole A little later in the afternoon Mrs. Boylston was languidly reclining In a hammock on the airy upper veranda Which overlooked the wide lawn Where her sister and young Mr. Boylston Had been engaged in a game of tennis For which, however, They seemed to feel very little enthusiasm As they had returned to the upper piazza Miss Hollis had dropped into a steamer chair And young Boylston was sitting upon the ball of strade Deeply intent upon trying to balance His racket upon one finger At this moment a servant appeared Bringing word that Miss Moore Would like to see Mrs. Boylston Miss Moore Quarried the lady Who can she be? Well, ask her to come up here Why, she must be the woman Who sold me the candlesticks And those fascinating platters, she continued I saw a platter like them in town not long ago And the man at the shop asked me seven dollars for it And I got mine for a dollar apiece herald By George, exclaimed her brother-in-law, Jumping up, cheating country people Out of their few household gods To my mind, it's the smallest kind of swindling When the rich cheat the poor And I shouldn't think you would be overproud Of the transaction The conversation was suddenly arrested By the arrival of Miss Moore upon the scene It was a trying ordeal for her But she boldly faced the enemy's guns And, with sparkling eyes and head erect Advanced without flinching Both the ladies rose And greeted her with a cool friendliness Which hardly disguised their evident Surprise at receiving a call From the pretty school mistress Harold Boylston's pleasure was quite evident And he brought forth a large armchair, saying Won't you sit here, Miss Moore? But the light remained standing I wish to see you only for a moment, Mrs. Boylston She began, in a clear voice, To return some money which my aunt received From you the other day We are not in the habit of parting With our household possessions Which we value rather for their family associations Than for their actual worth Which you doubtless appreciate better than we Mrs. Boylston winced Pray accept the platters and the candlesticks She continued, If they please you As it is a great pleasure for simple country people Like ourselves to contribute in any way Toward the happiness or amusement Here her eyes rested coldly upon Harold Of those who, like yourself, Can so easily gratify every wish We are only too glad to give them to you Mrs. Boylston Good afternoon And, thrusting the three dollars into that offended lady's hand Miss Moore swept from the piazza With the scornful air of a princess Isn't she just superb? Exclaimed young Boylston warmly She crushed you completely, Nelly And, to think of an ignorant country girl like that Daring to confront me with such impudence Gried Mrs. Boylston angrily You didn't get half you deserved Rejoined Harold Swinging himself over the railing With asperity I wish he had told you what she really thought of you If that is your idea of an ignorant country girl It's not mine And as for style, why There was an atmosphere about that bonnet Which few of your New Yorkers could rival I'm off for a constitutional ladies So you can fight it out between you As he disappeared across the lawn Mrs. Boylston sank back into her hammock with a sigh I do so hate scenes, she murmured And Harold of late seems to take pleasure in saying On kind, cutting things to me I'm sure I have never objected to his flirting With any number of country girls And I don't know why she'd be so ugly About a few old candlesticks But I shall have those things sent right back This very evening After that girl's absurd conduct I would not have them in the house another night Meanwhile, the light was walking bristly along the shady lane She felt that she had passed through the trying or deal with success Perhaps her display of pride and spirit Had made her appear ridiculous And even now they were probably laughing at her That she did not care They might laugh on the surface But they knew down in their hearts That she had had the best of the encounter And Mr. Boylston had really looked Quite as if he thought so To how becoming a tennis suit was to him Just at this point she arrived at the crossroads Where, much to her amazement, She encountered that very individual turning the corner With a calm and unruffled demeanor Which told no tales of his brisk run across the fields Delight, however, resented his assured air And showed none of the surprise which she felt At his sudden appearance But regarded him with perfect indifference Are you provoked with me, too? He inquired, in an injured tone I declare, I am so afraid of you That the power of speech has quite deserted me After the magnificent way in which you sailed Into Mrs. Boylston just now I'm not sure that you will have anything to say to me Though I can't see why I am responsible for people Who are only my connections by marriage Please may I walk home with you, Ms. Moore? Delight, who had determined upon her course of action Replied, ironically, that she was glad to see that Fright had not robbed him of the use of his legs As well as of his tongue But that it would be quite unnecessary For him to go any farther in that direction I am glad of that, he responded gaily I hate to do necessary things And I know you do, only you won't acknowledge it When I walk with a pretty girl I do it not because it is necessary But because it is agreeable Agreeable to whom, interrupted Delight To both of us, replied Boylston Looking into her eyes with one of his most irresistible glances Speak for yourself, replied his companion Cooley That's a very dangerous remark to make To any impetuous young fellow Responded he, meditatively It played the dickens with poor John Elden, you know And left mildstandish disconsolate It is certainly a rather superfluous remark to make to you Mr. Boylston said to Delight Who found it most difficult to remain stern and on bending Boylston decided to try a different tack So he stopped suddenly And lifting his hat said, gravely If my company is really distasteful to you, Ms. Moore I will not thrust it upon you any longer But will bid you good afternoon Good afternoon, responded Delight, sweetly Continuing to walk rapidly away from him And without a glance in his direction This was not satisfactory, however And Harold Boylston started at once after the departing figure On second thoughts, he said, reaching her side I think I won't say good afternoon just yet Second thoughts are not always the best, replied Delight Greeting his sudden reappearance with perfect indifference I don't care about their being so always It is enough satisfaction to have them best just now, said Boylston Who saw with much pleasure that a reassuring twinkle Was beginning to manifest itself in his companion's eyes It is no use, she laughed I really can't be provoked with you, you're so observed I don't know why you should be provoked with me, Boylston protested With an air of injured innocence I haven't done anything worse than to tell my sister-in-law What I thought of her little brick-a-brack transactions In not the most complimentary terms, either Why didn't you unsnup her, as she deserved, on the spot? I do not see how she came to let my worthy connections Indulge in their favorite pastime I'm afraid she has not your spirit I wish you had been there to give them a piece of your mind There was such an unmistakable ring of sincerity in his voice That delight could not but relent And then, as Aunt Elizabeth must be vindicated, She told him all about the bonnet It is a perfect stunner, cried Boylston enthusiastically Regarding her with undisguised admiration Only my fingers are rather pink still, said Delight Drawing off one of her silk gloves and eyeing her fingertips Roofily, but she continued I was very cross to Aunt Elizabeth When I came home and found out what she had done I was just horrid But you can't think how humiliated I felt Yes, I can Broken Boylston, warmly I know just how you felt You hated us all And knew that I was just as bad as the rest Only worse Yes, assented delight, frankly I thought a great many unpleasant things about you And said that I did not care to amuse the summer residence In company with old clocks and candlesticks I'll renounce my claims to being a summer resident And become a native If you'll only restore me to favor and be friends He protested By the time Miss Moore's gate had been reached This request had evidently been granted And Miss Elizabeth, who had been anxiously awaiting her niece's return Was much astonished to see her come back quite on the best of terms With that very same not-to-be-tolerated young man She showed no surprise, however, when delight introduced Mr. Boylston But invited him to come in and rest a while after his walk Which he did without waiting for further urging And spent a good long hour His last words before taking leave were I shall be on the lookout for that lovely red bonnet at the fair tomorrow When he had gone, Miss Elizabeth listened with great interest To the afternoon's proceedings At the end of the recital she drew a long sigh of relief But it doesn't seem as though you snubbed the young man much She finally remarked I tried my best, Aunt Lizzie, but he wouldn't be snubbed Said delight, thoughtfully That night Mrs. Boylston's man brought up a bundle Addressed to Miss Moore Which, when opened, was found to contain two platters A blue and white bowl And a pair of brass candlesticks Harold Boylston had promised to escort the ladies to the agricultural fair And they insisted upon his being in constant attendance upon them And upon his telling them all about the horses, the cows, and the sheep Miss Hollis made him ask first how many inches the prize squash measured And then how much the largest bunch of grapes weighed While Mrs. Boylston sent him to inquire if she could buy Any of the prize apples afterwards Until as much tried patience quite gave way For, in the distance, he saw delights red bonnet Now pausing beside the fancy sheep While he must needs examine squashes And then inspecting the prize bantams While his sister-in-law dragged him over to look at a kind of lawnmower That would roll the grass in the most approved style Moreover, his interest in lawnmowers was not increased by his knowledge Of the fact that his own classmate, Charlie Felton, Who had proved to be old Judge Felton's nephew, was by delights side And acted as though he expected to remain there for the rest of the day He suddenly slipped away Just as Mrs. Boylston was looking at the Plymouth rock hens And hastened towards the fascinating red bonnet Delight seemed very glad to see him And Felton greeted him with evident surprise Why, where did you come from, Boylston? I am so glad to see you, Charlie And my sister and Ms. Hollis are dying to speak to you Don't you see them over there? I'll take care of Ms. Moore while you run over and say how do you do? I should be charmed to see them again Of course, exclaimed Felton Whose countenance, however, failed to express the greatest pleasure at the immediate prospect But I have promised to show Ms. Moore some of my uncle's prize apples first So I'll see you a little later And Felton prepared to move on His friend was not to be thus easily baffled I'm going to show Ms. Moore the giant turnips, he persisted While you just speak to my sister See, she is waving her parasol now There was nothing for Felton to do But to go and his friend smiled with satisfaction at his reluctant departure Suppose we walk down to the end of the grove Where there isn't such a crowd and where we can cool off He suggested But you were going to take me to see the giant turnips Protesta Delight And besides, if we go off there, Mr. Felton will never find us I don't intend that he shall Was Boylston's mental comment But he only said Oh, I don't think he will have any difficulty You don't suppose that I really wanted to show you giant turnips, do you? I hate such things It is bad enough for such unpalatable substances as turnips to exist without There having the effrontery to grow to any such unwieldy size I was only trying to offset Felton's apples But if you're so interested in those monstrosities We will go up into that hot place and look at them As Delight expressed no great desire to do so They strolled down through the grove which led out of the grounds And Boylston aspired an inviting rustic binge On which they might rest in the shade of the tall pines Felton, meanwhile, had been cordially welcomed by Mrs. Boylston and her sister Who had once appropriated him in a manner he hardly relished Harold had disappeared And he saw no means of escape So he asked the ladies to come up and look at the prize turnips Where he hoped to encounter that deceitful individual Harold, however, was not in the vicinity of the turnips About this time, Mrs. Boylston casually remarked I wonder what has become of Harold And Felton at once rose to the emergency He is probably having hard work to find us in this crowd Now, if you ladies will take a seat on that bench I will look him up Oh, no matter, Mr. Felton They exclaimed reassuringly Don't trouble yourself about him They were both more than satisfied with his society It is no trouble at all He hastened to assure them I will find him in just one moment And he dashed off into the yard What a handsome fellow he is, commented Mrs. Boylston And so very obliging and energetic Now Harold is so lazy He is too obliging Ms. Hall is rejoined He need not have been so anxious to find Harold It was just an excuse to get away I don't see why you wanted to see Harold When we have had so much of his society And I'm sure he was grumpy enough When I asked him about those ugly little pigs With their tails all out of curl You see it, Mr. Felton comes back with Harold That's all What uncomfortable seats these are I wish the man who made them had to sit in them For the rest of his life There wouldn't be much rest of his life if he did Replyed her sister Don't, faintly murmured Ms. Hallis How can you choke in this hot, wretched place During this time, Felton, who had reached the yard Was pausing a moment to think I might have known Boylston would skip off And leave me for the rest of the day But I'll get even with him on the monopolizing business He is probably down in the grove So saying, Felton hastened in that direction And was soon rewarded by a glimpse Of the most attractive red bonnet not far away Now, I call this true enjoyment Boylston was just saying This is my first experience of agricultural affairs And I think they're the best fun in the world At this point, a most unwelcome voice interrupted So this is the way you show Ms. Moore Prize turnips, is it? Boylston, you are a man of excellent taste That's why I let the turnips alone, responded Harold It is perfect up here in the shade, continued Felton And I am sorry to break up your tat-a-tat But your sister sent me after you And she wants you immediately I told her I would send you back at once You will find her up there by those turnips you spoke of Harold Boylston rose reluctantly Suppose we all go up together to see those apples Felton, won't you come up, Ms. Moore? No, I think I will cool off a little longer Said Delight, glancing mischievously at Felton Who had dropped into Boylston's seat And remember that your sister is waiting for you Boylston strode off, leaving the field And the rustic bench in possession of his friend Who took no pains to conceal his pleasure Mrs. Boylston and Ms. Hollis saw him approach Through the crowd Here we have been sitting alone on this board For a perfect age They both cried, What have you done with Mr. Felton? What did you send him after me for? Couldn't you do without me for a few minutes? Felton knows a sight more about pigs and turnips than I do I did my part hunting up an interesting man for you And it's not my fault if you can't hold on to him for five minutes I couldn't very well chain him up for you I didn't send him for you, Harold I just said I wondered what had become of you And off he rushed, but I supposed, of course He would come back I told you he wouldn't put in her sister And now, Harold, please find the wagonette and drive us home I am tired to death of animals and vegetables And I think agricultural fares are perfectly horrid I have been once to see what they are like And now that I know, I shall never come again Harold found the horses without a word And drove them home in solemn silence Mrs. Boylston was most enthusiastic about the lovely view As they drove along But he was only conscious that he had left Felton In possession of the rustic seat And the bewitching owner of the red bonnet Felton had always spent his vacations with his uncle in Thornbridge And he in delight were old friends This time he had only run down for two or three days And Boylston learned with pleasure The following day that he had gone back to town During the weeks which followed Boylston became what Miss Elizabeth termed steady company He and Delight were the best of friends And as their vacation had begun He had ample chance to indulge in ideal drives Walks and talks But the best of friends must part And the brightest days will end And Harold's good times were brought to a close By a telegram from his father Which announced that his immediate presence in town Was both desirable and necessary He had really forgotten during the last few weeks That there were such words as time or town Now he suddenly realized how very pleasant it all had been And how he should miss Miss Delight's dark eyes And enchanting smile He tried to persuade himself However That it was all a fleeting summer episode He should not think so much about Delight When he was once in town And she, she would forget him Of course, very soon Would she? This last thought did not give him the satisfaction That he had expected to derive from it He decided to take the evening train up to the city And in the afternoon he went up and bade Delight And Miss Elizabeth could buy Delight took his announcement with a calmness Which did not please him as it should have done And she was provokingly silent While Miss Elizabeth protested how much they should miss him He had determined to leave in the highest of spirits In which they were to share But his efforts did not seem to be crowned with success And his jokes failed to call forth any response From Delight's abstracted gaze At last he rose to go I shall look for a continuation of my good times next summer, Miss Moore He said, shaking hands with Delight Goodbye, Mr. Boylston We shall always be glad to see you She replied quietly Steadily returning his searching look And Boylston lifting his hat Walked rapidly down through the long rows of hollyhocks Which he fancied closed behind him Shedding him out from all that was best and most beautiful His sister was not going back to town until the following week Having packed his valise and swallowed a hasty supper He set out for the station After refusing the lady's offer to drive him down to the terrain As he hoped that the walk would make him feel better By the time he reached the station However, he felt much worse If Delight had cared anything for him She would not have said goodbye so calmly Would she forget him as soon as he had gone? He knew that he could not forget her for one moment Nor could he deceive himself longer on that score He loved her and always should love her Not less as time went on, but more and more How unfeeling he had been to leave without a word He deserved her utmost scorn While he stood waiting for the downed train The train from the city came in And he caught sight of Felton A lighting with bag, fishing tackle, and tennis racket It come down for his vacation How do you do, Boylston? He called out cheerfully So you're off on the eight o'clock train, are you? Boylston's feelings underwent a sudden change A wild jealousy took possession of him And with it came a sudden determination The eight o'clock train was rapidly coming into sight I say, Felton, he cried, grasping him by the hand What is it, demanded Felton Go up and spend the evening with my worthy relatives I had to rush off quite suddenly And I fancy that they are rather upset I'll be everlastingly grateful if you'll go there tonight Charlie Felton hesitated He had meant to stroll over to the moors But he would have the field there to himself Now that Boylston had gone So he promised and departed Harold entered the station And deposited his bag in the waiting room When he emerged upon the platform again The last car of the down train was just disappearing from view Lost your train? Mr. Boylston queried the station master Yes, he replied calmly There is nothing now till the midnight train Is there? Delight was sitting on her favorite step With her head resting among the honeysuckles She had just returned from a walk to a neighbor's Where she and Miss Elizabeth had been invited to tea She had pleaded a headache and had come home Leaving her on to enjoy herself with the others The moon was slowly rising above the hills But Delight was quite unconscious of the fact Two large tears were rolling down her cheeks As she sat there, silent and motionless In her hand she held her red bonnet Which she had taken off She looked at it, scornfully And at last hosted impatiently onto the step by her side And buried her face in the honeysuckles Can Aunt Lizzie have returned so soon? She must not find her crying Good evening, Miss Moore Said an unmistakable voice Why? Mr. Boylston, where did you come from? She said faintly, sinking back into the depths of the vines From the station To be sure, I lost the eight o'clock train You see, he added So I thought I would come up and say goodbye over again Was the first goodbye so pleasant that you wanted a repetition? She murmured No, it was not, he exclaimed, quite fiercely Sitting down on the step beside her But he rose again, immediately What is this? He cried, producing a much flattened object My bonnet, she responded, beginning to laugh Oh, I'm so sorry, he said, holding it up And regarding it ruefully That lovely bonnet It's no matter, laughed the light For I had decided to indulge in a new one Boylston still held it up mournfully There can never be another as pretty or as interesting You may get a very beautiful one But you can never have another bonnet like this I shall never feel the same toward any other bonnet Delight, he cried, impetuously Have you been crying? You were just a little sorry to have me go I could not go until I had made sure of that Dearest, I love you Will you be my wife? When Miss Elizabeth returned Later in the evening She was more than astonished to find that the recently departed Boylston Was not on his way to the city And that Delight's headache was completely cured And Felton, drew to his word Spent a long and quiet evening with Mrs. Boylston and her sister After assuring them that he had left Harold Just boarding the eight o'clock train It was a great satisfaction to him To feel that his friend was safely back in town And Harold Boylston thought kindly of Felton As he stepped aboard the midnight train I never appreciated before, he said to himself What a first-rate fellow Felton is End of section six Section seven of a hypocritical romance and other stories This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer Please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Caroline Sears A hypocritical romance and other stories By Caroline Ticknor Mrs. Hudson's Picnic Mrs. Hudson especially disliked picnics And never went on them if she could possibly help doing so But in this instance Circumstances over which at best She had very little control Decidedly got the upper hand of her And forced her to submit gracefully Circumstances in the guise of a dozen or more young people Attacked her on every side In the breakfast room, on the Hotel Piazza And even in the seclusion of her own apartment To which she fled in vain for refuge Here the enemy tapped aggressively And entered triumphantly to seat themselves upon her trunks And continue their persuasions They said that none of the mothers Would go on a picnic up the river with them But that she was so lovely They knew she wouldn't refuse Moreover, they added that all the girls in the hotel Adored her And the young men had been heard to declare That she was perfectly fine They concluded by saying that They would rather have her than anyone else For everything depended upon the chaperone There were plenty of stupid people That they could get if they wished to But they wanted somebody bright and interesting Like herself When Mrs. Hudson crossed the parlor Two or three sweet young girls twined their arms about her And if she stepped into the office for a moment A couple of young fellows joined her And hung upon her casual remarks with breathless interest In short, there was nothing for a kind-hearted woman To do but to consent to chaperone Such appreciative young people Mother says that she would have gone If she were not so timid in a boat, one of the girls Announced And Aunt Mary is afraid of the river in the evening On account of her sensitive throat Put in another We're so glad that you're not one of the delicate kind, Mrs. Hudson Mrs. Hudson smiled faintly She was miserably timid in a boat herself And also wretchedly sensitive to the dampness of the river But she made up her mind that even an attack of bronchitis Would be preferable to dispelling the exalted illusions Which were cherished regarding her The young people having obtained her unwilling consent At once went ahead with their preparations After assuring her that she didn't worry about anything Unless she felt like looking after the luncheon Which was only a trifle, of course The charge of this small detail she readily assumed And in consequence brought down upon herself The wrath of the not-too-obliging proprietor Who overheard her speaking about it to the head waiter And availed himself of the occasion to announce That he was tired of this lunch business That he had had enough of it And that he had already told the young people so Two weeks ago These and other similar remarks made the prospective chaperone Wish that she had undertaken to superintend Any other detail than this, despite its triviality She discovered soon, however, that there was a still More serious phase attendant upon the getting up Of a small picnic If it had been a big picnic, everybody Would at least have had an invitation But being a small one, only a select few could be so favoured And the pioneers went ahead and asked whom they chose And then screened themselves behind the fact That it was Mrs. Hudson's picnic It was useless for her to assure the indignant relatives And supporters of those not asked That she had nothing to do with it For they did not believe her And the result was averted glances When she entered the dining room In place of the usual friendly greetings The morning dawned in cloudy uncertainty Which is by far the most aggravating thing a picnic day can do Mrs. Hudson ventured feebly that it looked like rain But was at once overruled and convinced that the day Would be all the finer for a cloudy beginning And that they might feel sure of superb moonlight to come home by About noontime the sun peeped cautiously out for a half hour And by doing so confirmed everybody in the belief That it had cleared off gloriously With a deep sigh born of desperate determination Mrs. Hudson stepped unsteadily from the boat landing On to the gunwale of the boat Which was waiting to receive the chaperone And nearly capsized it at the start I asked you not to step on the gunwale, Mrs. Hudson Exclaimed the young man who was assisting her With as much politeness as he could summon After fishing up his coat and one of the cushions Which had been jerked overboard Yes, I heard you, gasped Mrs. Hudson humbly But I didn't know what the gunwale was If you had said you meant the edge, I should have been more careful Five other boats in one canoe were needed to contain the entire party And finally after much discussion and changing about The picnickers were found to be actually all aboard Mrs. Hudson, having discovered what the gunwale was Grasped it firmly with both hands as she sat in the stern of the boat And a moment later acquired more wisdom by getting her fingers pinched Against the end of the pier as she swung about Where is the luncheon, somebody inquired loudly Didn't you bring it down with you, Tom, somebody else called out In response to this, Tom was seen to leap ashore And disappear in the direction of the hotel We'd better start ahead, someone shouted And the other boats were promptly headed upstream Mrs. Hudson leaned against the damp cushions in the stern And watched the scutting clouds a little uneasily By the time the picnic pines, which were two miles up the river, came into sight The scurrying clouds had begun to descend in pattering raindrops Out came the Macintoshes and upward the umbrellas But everyone remained cheerful Only a shower, several voices announced gaily It proved to be a very heavy one And Mrs. Hudson tried to hold her umbrella over the oarsmen nearest her He begged her, however, to shelter instead his pet banjo Which was tucked under one of the seats Just keep that dry, Mrs. Hudson, he said, and I don't care how wet I am Mrs. Hudson took off the cape of her Macintosh And wrapped it around the banjo And held her umbrella tenderly over it While she sat with her feet in a pool of water And the boat grew momentarily more and more wet and slippery Here we are, somebody called out And Mrs. Hudson peered from under her umbrella And had the satisfaction of seeing the picnic pines Rising gloomy and damp before her It was still raining, though less heavily As the unhappy chaperone with the precious banjo clasped to her heart Jumped heavily from the boat into eight inches of soft mud And clamoured up a steep and slippery bank Followed by the dripping picnickers Don't any of you think of sitting down Unless you wish to have pneumonia, she exclaimed Warningly as she stood under a sheltering tree And peeped at the banjo to see if it was uninjured This won't last long, several voices assured her It's beginning to break away already And sure enough, a bit of blue sky was really visible And a moment later the drops ceased to fall Mrs. Hudson picked her way over the wet pine needles and murmured I hope it will dry off a little before we have our supper Where is that other boat with the supper in it? One of the young men inquired And everybody now looked anxiously down the river for it But no boat was in sight It's great fun to be up here in the wet without any supper One or two began to grumble I don't believe they'll come at all now Another said, gloomily They probably put back when it began to rain And took it for granted that we would do the same Concluded a third mournfully Perhaps we had better go back then Mrs. Hudson suggested timidly, casting a longing glance toward the boats But nobody seconded her emotion And the young people began to explore the grove Or seated themselves on the rocks near the water To watch for the missing boat The chaperone spread her macintosh upon a board And sat patiently down upon it She tried to be bright and cheerful And thought up all the jokes and conundrums That still lingered in her memory And even told one or two funny stories A most unusual feat for her In the course of half an hour A welcome speck hove into sight And all set up a grateful shout The supper! It has come at last! And a few minutes later The delinquent Tom scrambled ashore All unconscious of the anxiety he had occasioned Exclaiming, I should have been here before If I hadn't anchored under the bridge To wait for the shower to be over Seated cross-legged about a friendly rock The picnickers joyfully passed the sandwiches around In a couple of moistened box-covers And regaled themselves with ginger-pop And hard-boiled eggs Which were not boiled as hard as they should have been Now this is something like, they cried out As the salt, wrapped in a piece of newspaper Went from hand to hand One of the young men knocked the head off a bottle of olives Cutting his finger in the process And then set the bottle down beside the chocolate cake Where someone immediately tipped it over Thereby saturating the cake with brine This did not injure the cake any, however, As several critics tested it and declared that it was delicious And tasted much improved in consequence All kept asking Mrs. Hudson if it wasn't great fun And she tried to say conscientiously that it was Though she had hardly recovered from the effects Of having a bottle of ginger ale poured over her Before one of the young men in his efforts to open a box of sardines with his knife Set the whole of it into her lap upside down Mrs. Hudson shuddered as she raised her bottle of ginger ale to her lips She had always considered it the height of depravity to drink from a bottle She picked up a hardcracker and bit it thoughtfully After brushing off a stray ant which was running over it And mentally decided that no kind-hearted impulse Should ever again put her in a like position Supper ended The young people, after offering to help the chaperone clear up the remains Strolled off in different directions Leaving her to restore to the empty baskets unaided The remainder of the hotel property As she walked to the water's edge and threw overboard the last empty bottle She heard the voices of the young people singing snatches of popular airs And the twang of the banjo assured her that the instrument had come ashore unscathed Thanks to her protecting Macintosh But now once again the raindrops began to pat her down Alas for any possibilities of moonlight Come, we must go at once! Mrs. Hudson insisted It is raining again The picnickers beat a hasty retreat to their boats Which were unpleasantly wet and uncomfortable by this time The weary chaperone was handed hastily into her boat And staggered wildly towards the stern of it Assuring those who were helping her that she was all right An assertion which she immediately proved to be false By tripping over a foot rest in the darkness And sitting down sooner than she had intended in consequence And causing the boat to tip far to starboard An ominous snap sounded and she rose hastily But a last too late, exclaiming, Oh, what have I done? Why did you put it there? I've spoiled that lovely banjo Harder and faster came down the rain As silently and with all possible speed The six boats and the one canoe flew homewards Never had two miles seemed so long before to Mrs. Hudson She sat in terrified suspense Expecting that every moment would be her last As she was rushed along in the darkness Once they ran aground upon a small island And again they struck the moorings of an absent fishing craft sharply But at last a welcome thump told that the pier had been safely reached The rain fell fast and piteously As Mrs. Hudson stood upon the wharf And waited the arrival of the canoe Which had fallen far astern of all the other boats Now as they watched for it Vague and appalling suspicions Flitted through the chaperone's tired brain Had the canoe been upset? Had the occupants been drowned? What should she say to their fond parents If that were the case? She could never return to the hotel To face their heart-rending reproaches While she was meditating upon some means of escape From such a dreadful possibility The canoe glided quietly up to the wharf But in the anxiety that she had endured In those ten awful minutes Mrs. Hudson felt that she had added ten years to her age We have had a magnificent time In spite of the showers, cried the picnickers As they flocked into the hotel office wet and bedraggled Mrs. Hudson would have smiled at the word Showers had she felt energetic enough to do so But as it was she only ordered hot lemonade And dragged her tired frame upstairs She arose the next morning with a severe cold on her chest Which lasted for many weeks And descended to be greeted by the reproaches Of the mothers of those who went upon the picnic Because she let them stay out in the rain And to be coldly avoided by those others Who were not favoured with an invitation to her picnic And as she sat alone and miserable in the parlor With her cheddar shawl drawn up about her ears These words were wafted towards her through an open window If we could have had a real jolly chaperone It might have been some fun But she is a perfect stick And the only thing that she could do Was sit down on Harry Carter's banjo and smash it End of section