 Chapter A of Ruth. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Cynthia Lyons. Ruth by Elizabeth Clegghorn Gaskell. Chapter 8. Mrs. Bellingham Does the Thing Handsomely. If Mr. Bellingham did not get rapidly well, it was more owing to the morbid, quarrelous, fancy attendant on great weakness than from any unfavorable medical symptom. But he turned away with peevish loathing from the very sight of food, prepared in the slovenly manner which had almost disgusted him when he was well. It was of no use telling him that Simpson, his mother's maid, had superintended the preparation at every point. He offended her by detecting something offensive and to be avoided in her daintiest messes, and made Mrs. Morgan mutter many a hasty speech which, however, Mrs. Bellingham thought it better not to hear until her son should be strong enough to travel. I think you are better today, said she, as his man wheeled his sofa to the bedroom window. We shall get you downstairs tomorrow. If you were to get away from this abominable place, I could go down today, but I believe I am to be kept prisoner here forever. I shall never get well here, I'm sure. He sank back on his sofa in impatient despair. The surgeon was announced, and eagerly questioned by Mrs. Bellingham as to the possibility of her son's removal, and he, having heard the same anxiety for the same end expressed by Mrs. Morgan in the regions below, threw no great obstacles in the way. After the doctor had taken his departure, Mrs. Bellingham cleared her throat several times. Mr. Bellingham knew the prelude of bold and winced with nervous annoyance. Henry, there is something I must speak to you about, an unpleasant subject, certainly, but one which has been forced upon me by the very girl herself. You must be aware to what I refer, without giving me the pain of explaining myself. Mr. Bellingham turned himself sharply round to the wall, and prepared himself for a lecture by concealing his face from her notice. But she herself was in too nervous a state to be capable of observation. Of course, she continued, it was my wish to be as blind to the whole affair as possible, though you can't imagine how Mrs. Mason has blazoned it abroad. All Fordham rings with it, but of course it could not be pleasant, or indeed I may say correct, for me to be aware that a person of such improper character was under the same. I beg your pardon, dear Henry. What do you say? Ruth is no improper character mother. You do her injustice. My dear boy, you don't mean to uphold her as a paragon of virtue. No, mother, but I let her wrong. I... We will let all discussions into the cause or duration of her present character drop, if you please, said Mrs. Bellingham, with the sort of dignified authority which retained a certain power over her son, a power which originated in childhood, and which he only defied when he was roused into passion. He was too weak in body to oppose himself to her, and fight the ground inch by inch. As I have implied, I do not wish to ascertain your share of blame. From what I saw of her one morning, I am convinced of her forward intrusive manners, utterly without shame, or even common modesty. What are you referring to? asked Mrs. Bellingham sharply. Why, when you were at the worst, and I had been watching you all night, and had just gone out in the morning for a breath of fresh air, this girl pushed herself before me and insisted upon speaking to me. I really had to send Mrs. Morgan to her before I could return to your room, a more impudent, hardened manner I never saw. Ruth was neither impudent nor hardened. She was ignorant enough and might offend from knowing no better. He was getting weary of the discussion and wished it had never had begun. From the time he had become conscious of his mother's presence, he had felt the dilemma he was in, in regard to Ruth, and various plans had directly crossed his brain. But it had been so troublesome to weigh and consider them all properly that they had been put aside to be settled when he grew stronger. But this difficulty in which he was placed by his connection with Ruth, associated the idea of her in his mind with annoyance and angry regret at the whole affair. He wished, in the languid way, he wished for and felt everything not immediately relating to his daily comfort that he had never seen her. It was a most awkward, a most unfortunate affair. Notwithstanding this annoyance connected with an arising out of Ruth, he would not submit to hear her abused, and something in his manner impressed this on his mother, for she immediately changed her mode of attack. We may as well drop all dispute as to the young woman's manners, but I suppose you do not mean to defend your connection with her. I suppose you are not so lost to all sense of propriety as to imagine it fit or desirable that your mother and this degraded girl should remain under the same roof liable to meet at any hour of the day. She waited for an answer, but no answer came. I ask you a simple question. Is it or is it not desirable? I suppose it is not, he replied gloomily, and I suppose from your manner that you think the difficulty would be best solved by my taking my departure and leaving you with your vicious companion. Again no answer but inward and increasing annoyance of which Mr. Bellingham considered Ruth the cause. At length he spoke, Mother, you are not helping me in my difficulty. I have no desire to banish you nor to hurt you after all your care for me. Ruth has not been so much to blame as you imagine that I must say, but I do not wish to see her again. If you can tell me how to arrange it otherwise without behaving unhandsomely. Only spare me all this worry awhile. I am so weak. I put myself in your hands. Dismiss her, as you wish it, but let it be done handsomely, and let me hear no more about it. I cannot bear it. Let me have a quiet life without being lectured while I am pent up here and unable to shake off unpleasant thoughts. My dear Henry, rely upon me. No more, Mother. It's a bad business, and I can hardly avoid blaming myself in the matter. I don't want to dwell upon it. You should be too severe in your self-reproaches while you are so feeble, dear Henry. It is right to repent, but I have no doubt in my own mind she led you wrong with her artifices. But, as you say, everything should be done handsomely. I confess I was deeply grieved when I first heard of the affair, but since I have seen the girl, well, I'll say no more about her since I see it displeases you. But I am thankful to God that you see the error of your ways. She sat silent, thinking for a little while, and then sent for her writing-case, and began to write. Her son became restless, and nervously irritated. Mother, he said, this affair worries me to death. I cannot shake off the thoughts of it. Leave it to me. I'll arrange it satisfactorily. Could we not leave tonight? I should not be so haunted by this annoyance in another place. I dread seeing her again, because I fear a scene, and yet I believe I ought to see her in order to explain. You must not think of such a thing, Henry, said she, alarmed at the very idea. Sooner than that, we will leave in half an hour, and try to get to Pentevolos tonight. It is not yet three, and the evenings are very long. Simpson should stay and finish the packing. She could go straight to London and meet us there. MacDonald and Nurse could go with us. Can you bear twenty miles, do you think? Anything to get rid of his uneasiness. He felt that he was not behaving as he should do to Ruth, though the really right never entered his head. But it would extricate him from his present dilemma, and save him many lectures. He knew that his mother, always liberal where money was concerned, would do the thing handsomely, and it would always be easy to write and give Ruth what explanation he felt inclined, in a day or two. So he consented, and soon lost some of his uneasiness in watching the bustle of the preparation for their departure. All this time Ruth was quietly spending in her room, beguiling the waiting weary hours with pictures of the meeting at the end. Her room looked to the back, and was in a side-wing away from the principal's state apartments. Consequently she was not roused to suspicion by any of the commotion. But indeed, if she had heard the banging of doors, the sharp directions, the carriage-wheels, she would still not have suspected the truth. Her own love was too faithful. It was four o'clock and past when someone knocked at her door, and on entering gave her a note which Mrs. Bellingham had left. That lady had found some difficulty in wording it, so as to satisfy herself. But it was as follows. My son, on recovering from his illness, is, I thank God, happily conscious of the sinful way in which he has been living with you. By his earnest desire, and in order to avoid seeing you again, we are on the point of leaving this place. But before I go I wish to exhort you to repentance, and to remind you that you will not have your own guilt alone upon your head, but that of any young man whom you may succeed in entrapping into vice. I shall pray that you may turn to an honest life, and I strongly recommend you, if indeed you are not dead in trespasses and sins, to enter some penitentiary. In accordance with my son's wishes, I forward you in this envelope a bank note of fifty pounds. Margaret Bellingham. Was this the end of all? Had he indeed gone, she started up and asked this last question of the servant, who half guessing at the purport of the note had lingered about the room, curious to see the effect produced. Is indeed miss, the carriage drove from the door as I came upstairs. You'll see it now on the Ispity Road, if you'll please to come to the window of number twenty-four. Ruth started up and followed the chambermaid. I there it was, slowly winding up the steep white road, on which it seemed to move at a snail's pace. She might overtake him. She might, she might speak one farewell word to him. Print his face on her heart with a last look, nay, when he saw her, he might retract, and not utterly, for ever leave her. Thus she thought, and she flew back to her room and snatching up her bonnet ran, tying the strings with her trembling hands as she went down the stairs, out at the nearest door, little heeding the angry words of Mrs. Morgan, for the hostess, more irritated at Mrs. Bellingham's severe upgrading at parting than mollified by her ample payment, was offended by the circumstances of Ruth in her wild haste, passing through the prohibited front door. But Ruth was away before Mrs. Morgan had finished her speech, out in a way, scutting along the road, thought lost in the breathless rapidity of her motion. Though her heart and head beat almost to bursting, what did it signify if she could but overtake the carriage? It was a nightmare, constantly evading the most passionate wishes and endeavors, and constantly gaining ground. Every time it was visible, it was in fact more distant, but Ruth would not believe it. If she could but gain the summit of that weary, everlasting hill, she believed that she could run again, and would soon be nigh upon the carriage. As she ran, she prayed, with wild eagerness, she prayed that she might see his face once more, even if she died on the spot before him. It was one of those prayers which God is too merciful to grant, but despairing and wild as it was, Ruth put her soul into it and prayed it again and yet again. Wave above wave of the ever-rising hills were gained, were crossed, and at last Ruth struggled up to the very top and stood on the bare table of moor, brown and purple, stretching far away till it was lost in the haze of the summer afternoon. The white road was all flat before her, but the carriage she sought, and the figure she sought, had disappeared. There was no human being there, a few wild black-faced mountain sheep quietly grazing near the road, as if it were long since they had been disturbed by the passing of any vehicle, was all the life she saw on the bleak moorland. She threw herself down on the ling by the side of the road in despair. Her only hope was to die and she believed she was dying. She could not think, she could not believe anything. Surely life was a horrible dream and God would mercifully awaken her from it. She had no penitence, no consciousness of error or offense, no knowledge of any one circumstance, but that he was gone. Yet afterwards, long afterwards, she remembered the exact motion of a bright green beetle, busily meandering among the wild time near her, and she recalled the musical, balanced, wavering drop of a skylock into her nest, near the heather bed where she lay. The sun was sinking low, the hot air had ceased to quiver near the hotter earth, when she but thought her once more of the note which she had impatiently thrown down before half-mastering its contents. Oh, perhaps she thought, I have been too hasty. There may be some words of explanation from him on the other side of the page, to which in my blind anguish I never turned. I will go and find it. She lifted herself heavily and stiffly from the crushed heather. She stood dizzy and confused with her change of posture, and was so unable to move at first that her walk was but slow and tottering. But, by and by, she was tasked and goaded by thoughts which forced her into rapid motion as if by it she could escape from her agony. She came down on the level ground. Just as many gay or peaceful groups were sauntering leisurely home with hearts at ease, with low laughs and quiet smiles, and many an exclamation at the beauty of the summer evening. Ever since her adventure with a little boy and his sister, Ruth had habitually avoided encountering these happy innocents. May I call them. These happy fellow mortals, and even now the habit grounded on sorrowful humiliation had power over her. She paused, and then, on looking back, she saw more people who had come into the main road from a side path. She opened a gate into a pasture field, and crept up to the hedge bank until all should have passed by, and she could steal into the inn unseen. She sat down on the sloping turf by the roots of an old hawthorn tree which grew in the hedge. She was still tearless with hot burning eyes. She heard the merry walkers pass by. She heard the footsteps of the village children as they ran along to their evening play. She saw the small black cows come into the fields after being milked, and life seemed yet abroad. When would the world be still and dark and fit for such a deserted, desolate creature as she was? Even in her hiding place, she was not long at peace. The little children, with their curious eyes peering here and there, had peeped through the hedge and through the gate, and now they gathered from all the four corners of the hamlet and crowded round the gate. And one more adventurous than the rest had run into the field to cry. Give me a hay-penny which set the example to every little one, emulous of his boldness. And there, where she sat low on the ground and longing for the sure hiding place earth gives to the weary, the children kept running in and pushing one another forwards and laughing. Poor things their time had not come for understanding what sorrow is. Ruth would have begged them to leave her alone and not madden her utterly, but they knew no English saved the one eternal. Give me a hay-penny. She felt in her heart that there was no pity anywhere. Suddenly, while she doubted God, a shadow fell across her garments, on which her miserable eyes were bent. She looked up. The deformed gentleman she had twice before seen stood there. He had been attracted by the noisy little crowd and had questioned them in Welsh, but not understanding enough of the language to comprehend their answers. He had obeyed their signs and entered the gate to which they pointed. There he saw the young girl whom he had noticed at first for her innocent beauty and the second time for the idea he had gained respecting her situation. There he saw her crouched up like some hunted creature, with a wild, scared look of despair which almost made her lovely face seem fierce. He saw her dress soiled and dim. Her bonnet crushed and battered with her tossings to and fro on the Moorland bed. He saw the poor lost wanderer, and when he saw her he had compassion on her. There was some look of heavenly pity in his eyes, as gravely and sadly they met her upturned gaze, which touched her stony heart, still looking at him as if drawing some good influence from him. She said low and mournfully, He has left me, sir. He has indeed. He has gone and left me. Before he could speak a word to comfort her, she had burst into the wildest, dreariest crying ever mortal cry. The settled form of the event, when put into words, went sharp to her heart. Her moans and sobs rung his soul, but as no speech of his could be heard, if he had been able to decide what best to say, he stood by her in apparent calmness, while she, wretched, wailed and uttered her woe. But when she lay worn out and stupefied into silence, she heard him say to himself in a low voice. Oh, my God, for Christ's sake pity her. Ruth lifted up her eyes and looked at him with a dim perception of the meaning of his words. She regarded him fixedly in a dreamy way, as if they struck some chord in her heart, and she were listening to its echo. And so it was. His pitiful look or his words reminded her of the childish days when she knelt at her mother's knee, and she was only conscious of a straining, longing desire to recall it all. He let her take her time, partly because he was powerfully affected himself by all the circumstances, and by the sad pale face upturned to his, and partly by an instinctive consciousness that the softest patience was required. But suddenly she startled him, as she herself was startled into a keen sense of the suffering agony of the present. She sprang up and pushed him aside and went rapidly towards the gate of the field. He could not move as quickly as most men, but he put forth his utmost speed. He followed across the road on to the rocky common, but as he went along with his uncertain gait in the dusk glomming he stumbled and fell over some sharp projecting stone. The acute pain which shot up his back forced a sharp cry from him, and when burdened beasts are hushed into rest and the stillness of night is over all a high-pitched sound like the voice of pain is carried far in the quiet air. Ruth, speeding on in her despair, heard the sharp utterance, and stopped suddenly short. It did what no remonstrance could have done. It called her out of herself. The tender nature was in her still, in that hour when all good angels seemed to have abandoned her. In the old days she could never bear to hear or see bodily suffering in any of God's meanest creatures without trying to sucker them, and now in her rush to the awful death of the suicide she stayed her wild steps and turned to find from whom that sharp sound of anguish had issued. He lay among the white stones too faint with pain to move, but with an agony in his mind far keener than any bodily pain, as he thought that by his unfortunate fall he had lost all chance of saving her. He was almost overpowered by his intense thankfulness when he saw her white figure pause and stand listening and turn again with slow footsteps as if searching for some lost thing. He could hardly speak, but he made a sound which, though his heart was inexpressibly glad, was like a groan. She came quickly towards him. I am hurt, said he, do not leave me. His disabled and tender frame was overcome by the accident and the previous emotions, and he fainted away. Ruth flew to the little mountain stream. The dashing sound of whose waters had been tempting her, but a moment before to seek forgetfulness in the deep pool into which they fell. She made a basin of her joined hands and carried enough of the cold fresh water back to dash into his face and restore him to consciousness. While he still kept silence, uncertain what to say best fitted to induce her to listen to him, she said softly, Are you better, sir? Are you very much hurt? Not very much. I am better. Any quick movement is apt to cause me a sudden loss of power in my back, and I believe I stumbled over some of these projecting stones. It will soon go off, and you will help me to go home, I am sure. Oh, yes, can you go now? I am afraid if you are lying too long on this heather, there is a heavy dew. He was so anxious to comply with her wish and not weary out her thought for him, and so turn her back upon herself that he tried to rise. The pain was acute, and this she saw. Don't hurry yourself, sir. I can wait. Then came across her mind the recollection of the business that was thus deferred, but the few homely words which had been exchanged between them seemed to have awakened her from her madness. She sat down by him, and covering her face with her hands, cried mournfully and unceasingly. She forgot his presence, and yet she had a consciousness that someone looked for her kind offices, that she was wanted in the world and must not rush hastily out of it. The consciousness did not take this definite form. It did not become a thought, but it kept her still, and it was gradually soothing her. Can you help me to rise now? said he after a while. She did not speak, but she helped him up, and then he took her arm, and she led him tenderly through all the little velvet paths where the turf grew short and soft between the rugged stones. Once more on the highway they slowly passed along in the moonlight. He guided her by a slight motion of the arm through the more unfrequented lanes to his lodgings at the shop, for he thought for her, and conceived the pain she would have in seeing the lighted windows of the inn. He leaned more heavily on her arm, as they awaited the opening of the door. Come in, said he, not relaxing his hold, and yet dreading to tighten it, lest she should defy restraint, and once more rush away. They went slowly into the little parlor behind the shop. The Bonnie-looking hostess, Mrs. Hughes by name, made haste to light the candle, and then they saw each other face to face. The deformed gentleman looked very pale, but Ruth looked as if the shadow of death was upon her. Mrs. Hughes bustled about with many a sympathetic exclamation, now in pretty broken English, now in more fluent Welsh, which sounded as soft as Russian or Italian in her musical voice. Mr. Benson, for that was the name of the hunchback, lay on the sofa thinking, while the tender Mrs. Hughes made every arrangement for his relief from pain. He had lodged with her for three successive years, and she knew and loved him. Ruth stood in the little bow window looking out. Across the moon and over the deep heavens, large, torn, irregular shaped clouds went hurrying, as if summoned by some storm spirit. The work they were commanded to do was not here. The mighty gathering place lay eastward, immeasurable leagues, and on they went, chasing each other over the silent earth, now black, now silver-white, at one transparent edge, now with the moon shining like hope through their darkest centre, now again with the silver lining, and now utterly black. They sailed lower in the lift and disappeared behind the immovable mountains. They were rushing in the very direction in which Ruth had striven and struggled to go that afternoon. They, in their wild career, would soon pass over the very spot where he, her world's he, was lying sleeping, or perhaps not sleeping, perhaps thinking of her. The storm was in her mind and rent and tore her purposes into forms as wild and irregular as the heavenly shapes she was looking at. If, like them, she could pass the barrier horizon in the night, she might overtake him. Mr. Benson saw her look and read it partially. He saw her long and gaze outwards upon the free, broad world, and thought that the siren waters, whose deadly music yet rang in his ears, were again tempting her. He called her to him, praying that his feeble voice might have power. My dear young lady, I have much to say to you, and God has taken my strength from me now when I most need. Oh, I sin to speak so. But, for his sake, I implore you to be patient here, if only till tomorrow morning. He looked at her, but her face was immovable and she did not speak. She could not give up her hope, her chance, her liberty till tomorrow. God help me, said he mournfully. My words do not touch her. And still, holding her hand, he sank back on the pillows. Indeed, it was true that his words did not vibrate in her atmosphere. The storm's spirit raged there and filled her heart with the thought that she was an outcast, and the holy words, for his sake, were answered by the demon who held possession with a blasphemous defiance of the merciful God. What have I to do with thee? He thought of every softening influence of religion, which over his own disciplined heart had power, but put them aside as useless. Then the still small voice whispered, and he spake. In your mother's name, whether she be dead or alive, I command you to stay here until I am able to speak to you. She knelt down at the foot of the sofa and shook it with her sobs. Her heart was touched, and he hardly dared to speak again. At length, he said, I know you will not go. You could not, for her sake. You will not, will you? No, whispered Ruth, and then there was a great blank in her heart. She had given up her chance. She was calm in the utter absence of all hope. And now you will do what I tell you, said he gently, but unconsciously to himself, in the tone of one who has found the hidden spell by which to rule spirits. She slowly said, yes, but she was subdued. He called Mrs. Hughes. She came from her adjoining shop. You have a bedroom within yours, where your daughter used to sleep, I think. I am sure you will oblige me, and I shall consider it as a great favor if you will allow this young lady to sleep there tonight. Will you take her there now? Go, my dear, I have full trust in your promise not to leave until I can speak to you. His voice died away to silence, but as Ruth rose from her knees at his bidding, she looked at his face through her tears. Her lips were moving in earnest, unspoken prayer, and she knew it was for her. That night, although his pain was relieved by rest, he could not sleep, and, as in fever, the coming events kept unrolling themselves before him in every changing and fantastic form. He met Ruth in all possible places and ways, and addressed her in every manner he could imagine most calculated to move and affect her to penitence and virtue. Toward morning, he fell asleep, but the same thoughts haunted his dreams. He spoke, but his voice refused to utter aloud, and she fled, relentless, to the deep black pool. But God works in his own way. The visions melted into deep unconscious sleep. He was awakened by a knock at the door, which seemed a repetition of what he had heard in his last sleeping moments. It was Mrs. Hughes. She stood at the first word of permission within the room. Please, sir, I think the young lady is very ill indeed, sir. Perhaps you would come to her. How is she ill? said he, much alarmed. Quite quiet like, sir, but I think she is dying. That's all indeed, sir. Go away. I will be with you directly, he replied, his heart sinking within him. In a very short time, he was standing with Mrs. Hughes by Ruth's bedside. She lay as still as if she were dead. Her eyes shut. Her one face numbed into a fixed anguish of expression. She did not speak when they spoke, though after a while they thought she strove to do so. But all power of motion and utterance had left her. She was dressed in everything except her bonnet, as she had been the day before. Although sweet, thoughtful Mrs. Hughes had provided her with night gear, which lay on the little chest of drawers that served as a dressing table. Mr. Benson lifted up her arm to feel her feeble, fluttering pulse, and when he let go her hand, it fell upon the bed in a dull, heavy way, as if she were already dead. You gave her some food, said he anxiously to Mrs. Hughes? Indeed, and I offered her the best in the house, but she shook her poor pretty head and only asked if I would please get her a cup of water. I brought her some milk, though, indeed. I think she'd rather have had the water. But not to seem sour and cross, she took some milk. By this time Mrs. Hughes was fairly crying. When does the doctor come up here? Indeed, sir, and he's up nearly every day now. The inn is so full. I'll go for him. And can you manage to undress her and lay her in bed, open the window, too, and let in the air, if her feet are cold, put bottles of water to them? It was a proof of the true love, which was the nature of both, that it never crossed their minds to regret that this poor young creature had been thus thrown upon their hands. On the contrary, Mrs. Hughes called it a blessing. It blessed him that gives and him that takes. Recording by Cynthia Lyons Ruth, by Elizabeth Clegghorn Gaskell, Chapter 10 A note and the answer At the inn everything was life and bustle. Mr. Benson had to wait long in Mrs. Morgan's little parlor before she could come to him, and he kept growing more and more impatient. At last she made her appearance and heard his story. People may talk, as they will, about the little respect that is paid to virtue, unaccompanied by the outward accidents of wealth or station. But I rather think it will be found that, in the long run, true and simple virtue always has its proportionate reward in the respect and reverence of everyone whose esteem is worth having. To be sure, it is not rewarded after the way of the world, as mere worldly possessions are, with a low obeisance and lip service. But all the better and more noble qualities in the hearts of others make ready and go forth to meet it on its approach, provided only it be pure, simple, and unconscious of its own existence. Mr. Benson had little thought for outward tokens of respect, just then, nor had Mrs. Morgan much time to spare, but she smoothed her ruffled brow and calmed her bustling manner, as soon as ever she saw who it was that awaited her. For Mr. Benson was well known in the village, where he had taken up his summer holiday among the mountains year after year, always a resident at the shop, and seldom spending a shilling at the inn. Mrs. Morgan listened patiently for her. Mr. Jones will come this afternoon, but it is a shame you should be troubled with such as her. I had but little time yesterday, but I guess there was something wrong, and Gwen has just been telling me her bed has not been slept in. They were in a pretty hurry to be gone yesterday, for all that the gentleman was not fit to travel, to my way of thinking, indeed, William Nguyen, the post-boy, said he was weary enough before he got to the end of that ipsity road, and he thought they would have to rest there a day or two before they could go further than end Trevolis. Indeed, in any how, the servant is to follow them with a baggage this very morning, and now I remember William Nguyen said they would wait for her. You better write a note, Mr. Benson, and tell them her state. It was sound, though unpalatable advice. It came from one accustomed to bring excellent, if unrefined, sense to bear quickly upon any emergency, and to decide rapidly. She was, in truth, so little accustomed to have her authority questioned, that before Mr. Benson had made up his mind she had reduced paper pens and ink from the drawer in her bureau, placed them before him, and was going to leave the room. Leave the note on this shelf, and trust me that it goes by the maid. The boy that drives her there in the car shall bring you an answer back. She was gone before he could rally, his scattered senses enough to remember that he had not the least idea of the name of the person to whom he was to write. The quiet leisure and ease of his little study at home favored his habit of reverie and long deliberation, just as her position as mistress of an inn obliged her to quick decisive ways. Her advice, though good in some points, was unpalatable in others. It was true that Ruth's condition ought to be known by those who were her friends. But were these people to whom he was going to write friends? He knew there was a rich mother and a handsome elegant son, and he had also some idea of the circumstances which might a little extenuate their mode of quitting Ruth. He had wide enough sympathy to understand that it must have been a most painful position in which the mother had been placed on finding herself under the same Ruth, with a girl who was living with her son, as Ruth was. And yet he did not like to apply to her. To write to the son was still more out of the question, as it seemed like asking him to return. But through one or the other lay the only clue to her friends, who certainly ought to be made acquainted with her position. At length he wrote, Madam, I write to tell you of the condition of the poor young woman. Here came a long pause of deliberation, who accompanied your son on his arrival here, and who was left behind on your departing yesterday. She is lying, as it appears to me, in a very dangerous state at my lodgings. And, if I may suggest, it would be kind to allow your maid to return and attend upon her until she is sufficiently recovered to be restored to her friends, if indeed they could not come to take charge of her themselves. I remain, Madam, your obedient servant Thurston Benson. The note was very unsatisfactory after all his consideration, but it was the best he could do. He made inquiry of a passing servant as to the lady's name, directed the note, and placed it on the indicated shelf. He then returned to his lodgings to await the doctor's coming and the post-boy's return. There was no alteration in Ruth. She was as one stunned into unconsciousness. She did not move her posture. She hardly breathed. From time to time Mrs. Hughes wedded her mouth with some liquid, and there was a little mechanical motion of the lips. That was the only sign of life she gave. The doctor came and shook his head. A thorough prostration of strength, occasioned by some great shock on the nerves, and prescribed care and quiet and mysterious medicines, but acknowledged that the result was doubtful, very doubtful. After his departure Mr. Benson took his Welsh grammar and tried again to master the ever-puzzling rules for the mutations of letters, but it was of no use, for his thoughts were absorbed by the life and death condition of the young creature, who is lately bounding and joyous. The maid and the luggage, the car and the driver, had arrived before noon at their journey's end, and the note had been delivered. It annoyed Mrs. Bellingham exceedingly. It was the worst of these kind of connections. There was no calculating the consequences. They were never ending. All sorts of claims seemed to be established, and all sorts of people to step into their settlement. The idea of sending her maid, why Simpson would not go if she asked her. She soliloquized thus while reading the letter, and then suddenly turning round to the favourite attendant, who had been listening to her mistress's remarks with no inattentive ear, she asked, Simpson would you go and nurse this creature as this? She looked at the signature. Mr. Benson, whoever he is, proposes. Me? No, indeed, ma'am, said the maid, drawing herself up stiff in her virtue. I'm sure, ma'am, you would not expect it of me. I could never have the face to dress a lady of character again. Well, well, don't be alarmed. I cannot spare you, by the way. Just attend to the strings of my dress. The chambermaid here pulled them into knots and broke them terribly last night. It is awkward, though, very, said she, relapsing into amusing fit over the condition of Ruth. If you'll allow me, ma'am, I think I might say something that would alter the case. I believe, ma'am, you put a bank note into the letter to the young woman yesterday? Mrs. Bellingham bowed acquiescence, and the maid went on. Because, ma'am, when the little deformed ma'am wrote that note, he's Mr. Benson, ma'am. I have reason to believe neither he nor Mrs. Morgan knew of any provision being made for the young woman. Me and the chambermaid found your letter and the bank note lying quite promiscuous, like waste paper, on the floor of her room, for I believe she rushed out like mad after you left. That, as you say, alters the case. This letter, then, is principally a sort of delicate hint that some provision ought to have been made, which is true enough only it has been attended to already. What became of the money? Law, ma'am, do ask. Of course, as soon as I sought, I picked it up and took it to Mrs. Morgan in trust for the young person. Oh, that's right. What friends has she? Did you ever hear from Mason? Perhaps they ought to know where she is. Mrs. Mason did tell me, ma'am, she was an orphan with a guardian who was no as a kin and who washed his hands of her when she ran off. But Mrs. Mason was sadly put out and went into hysterics, for fear you would think she had not seen after her enough and that she might lose your custom. She said it was no fault of hers, for the girl was always a forward creature, boasting of her beauty and saying how pretty she was, and striving to get where her good looks could be seen and admired. One night in particular, ma'am, at a county ball and how Mrs. Mason had found out she used to meet Mr. Bellingham at an old woman's house, who was a regular old witch, ma'am, and lives in the lowest part of the town where all the bad characters haunt. There, that's enough, said Mrs. Bellingham sharply, for the maids chattering had outrun her tact and in her anxiety to vindicate the character of her friend, Mrs. Mason, by blackening that of Ruth, she had forgotten that she had a little implicated her mistress's son, whom his proud mother did not like to imagine as ever passing through a low and degraded part of the town. If she has no friends, and is the creature you describe, which is confirmed by my own observation, the best place for her is, as I said before, the penitentiary. Her fifty pounds will keep her a week or so, if she is really unable to travel and pay for her journey, and if, on her return to Fordham, she will let me know, I will undertake to obtain her admission immediately. I'm sure it's well for her she has to do with a lady who will take any interest in her, after what has happened. Mrs. Bellingham called for her writing desk and wrote a few hasty lines to be sent by the post-boy, who was on the point of starting. Mrs. Bellingham presents her compliments to her unknown correspondent, Mr. Benson, and begs to inform him of a circumstance of which she believes he was ignorant when he wrote the letter with which she has been favored. Namely, that provision to the amount of fifty pounds was left for the unfortunate person who is the subject of Mr. Benson's letter. This sum is in the hands of Mrs. Morgan, as well as a note from Mrs. Bellingham to the miserable girl, in which she proposes to procure her admission into the Fordham Penitentiary, the best place for such a character. As by this profligate action, she has forfeited the only friend remaining to her in the world. This proposition, Mrs. Bellingham repeats, and they are the young woman's best friends who most urge her to comply with a course now pointed out. Take care, Mr. Bellingham. Here's nothing of this Mr. Benson's note, said Mrs. Bellingham, as she delivered the answer to her maid. He is so sensitive just now that it would annoy him sadly, I am sure. End of Chapter 10. Chapter 11 of Ruth This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Cynthia Lyons. Ruth by Elizabeth Clegg Horan Gaskell. Chapter 11 Thurston and Faith Benson You have now seen the note which was delivered into Mr. Benson's hands as the cool shades of evening stole over the glowing summer sky. When he had read it, he again prepared to write a few hasty lines before the post went out. The post boy was even now sounding his horn through the village as a signal for letters to be ready. And it was well that Mr. Benson, in his long morning's meditation, had decided upon the course to be pursued, in case of such an answer as that which he had received from Mrs. Bellingham. His present note was as follows. Dear Faith, you must come to this place directly where I earnestly desire you and your advice. I am well myself, so do not be alarmed. I have no time for explanation, but I am sure you will not refuse me. Let me trust that I shall see you on Saturday at the latest. You know the mode by which I came. It is the best, both for expedition and cheapness. Dear Faith, do not fail me. Your affectionate brother, Thurston Benson. P.S. I am afraid the money I left may be running short. Do not let this stop you. Take my Fatulati to Johnson's. He will advance upon it. It is the third row bottom shelf. Only come. When this letter was dispatched, he had done all he could and the next two days passed like a long monotonous dream of watching, thought, and care, undisturbed by any event. Hardly by the change from day to night, which, now the harvest moon was at her full, was scarcely perceptible. On Saturday morning the answer came. Dearest Thurston, your incomprehensible summons has just reached me and I obey their proving my right to my name of Faith. I shall be with you almost as soon as this letter. I cannot help feeling anxious, as well as curious. I have money enough, and it is well I have, for Sally, who guards your room like a dragon, would rather see me walk the whole way than have any of your things disturbed, your affectionate sister. It was a great relief to Mr. Benson to think that his sister would so soon be with him. He had been accustomed from childhood to rely on her prompt judgment and excellent sense, and to her care he felt that Ruth ought to be consigned, as it was too much to go on taxing good Mrs. Hughes with night watching and sick nursing, with all her other claims on her time. He asked her once more to sit by Ruth while he went to meet his sister. The coach passed by the foot of the steep ascent, which led up to Landu. He took a boy to carry his sister's luggage when they arrived. They were too soon at the bottom of the hill, and the boy began to make ducks and drakes in the shallowest part of the stream, which there flowed glassy and smooth, while Mr. Benson sat down on a great stone, under the shadow of an alder bush, which grew where the green flat meadows skirted the water. It was delightful to be once more in the open air, and away from the scenes and thoughts which had been pressing on him for the last three days. There was a new beauty in everything from the blue mountains which glimmered in the distant sunlight, down to the flat, rich, peaceful veil, with its calm round shadows where he sat. The very margin of white pebbles, which lay on the banks of the stream, had a sort of cleanly beauty about it. He felt calmer and more at ease than he had done for some days, and yet, when he began to think, it was rather a strange story which he had to tell his sister in order to account for his urgent summons. Here was he, soul friend and guardian of a poor, sick girl, whose very name he did not know, about whom all that he did know was that she had been the mistress of a man who had deserted her, and that she feared, he believed, she had contemplated suicide. The offense, too, was one for which his sister, good and kind, as she was, had little compassion. Well, he must appeal to her love for him, which was a very unsatisfactory mode of proceeding, as he would far rather have had her interest in the girl founded on reason, or some less personal basis than showing it merely because her brother wished it. The coach came slowly rumbling over the stony road. His sister was outside, but got down in a brisk active way, and greeted her brother heartily and affectionately. She was considerably taller than he was, and must have been very handsome. Her black hair was parted plainly over her forehead, and her dark expressive eyes and straight nose still retained the beauty of her youth. I do not know whether she was older than her brother, but probably owing to his infirmity requiring her care, she had something of a mother's manner toward him. Thirsten, you are looking pale. I do not believe you are well, whatever you may say. Have you had the old pain in your back? No, a little, never mind that dearest faith. Sit down here while I send the boy up with your box. And then, with some little desire to show his sister how well he was acquainted with the language, he blundered out his directions in a very grammatical Welsh. So grammatical, in fact, and so badly pronounced, that the boy, scratching his head, made answer. Dim sasonic! So he had to repeat it in English. Well now, Thirsten, here I sit as you bid me, but don't try me too long. Tell me why you sent for me. Now came the difficulty, and oh, for a seraph's tongue and a seraph's power of representation. But there was no seraph at hand, only the soft running waters, singing a quiet tune, and predisposing Miss Benson to listen with a soothed spirit to any tale, not immediately involving her brother's welfare, which had been the cause of her seeing that lovely veil. It is an awkward story to tell faith, but there is a young woman lying ill at my lodgings, whom I wanted you to nurse. He thought he saw a shadow on his sister's face, and detected a slight change in her voice as she spoke. Nothing very romantic, I hope, Thirsten. Remember, I cannot stand much romance. I always distrust it. I don't know what you mean by romance. The story is real enough, and not out of the common way, I'm afraid. He paused. He did not get over the difficulty. Well, tell it me at once, Thirsten. I am afraid you have let someone, or perhaps only your own imagination, impose upon you. But don't try my patience too much. You know, I've no great stock. Then I'll tell you, the young girl was brought to the inn here by a gentleman who has left her. She is very ill, and has no one to see after her. Miss Benson had some masculine tricks, and one was whistling a long, low whistle when surprised or displeased. She had often found it a useful vent for feelings, and she whistled now. Her brother would rather she had spoken. Have you sent for her friends? She asked at last. She has none. Another pause and another whistle, but rather softer and more wavering than the last. How is she ill? Pretty nearly as quiet as if she were dead. She does not speak or move or even sigh. It would be better for her to die at once, I think. Faith! That one word put them right. It was spoken in the tone which had authority over her. It was so full of grieved surprise and mournful upgrading. She was accustomed to exercise a sway over him, owing to her greater decision of character, and probably if everything were traced to its cause. To her superior vigor of constitution, but at times she was humbled before his pure childlike nature and felt where she was inferior. She was too good and true to conceal this feeling or to resent its being forced upon her. After a time she said, Thirsten, dear, let us go to her. She helped him with tender care, and gave him her arm up the long and tedious hill. But when they approached the village without speaking a word on the subject, they changed their position, and she leaned, apparently, on him. He stretched himself up into as vigorous a gate as he could when they drew near to the abodes of men. On the way they had spoken but little, he had asked after various members of his congregation, for he was a dissenting minister in a country town, and she had answered, but they neither of them spoke of Ruth, though their minds were full of her. Mrs. Hughes had tea ready for the traveler on her arrival. Mr. Benson chafed a little internally at the leisurely way in which his sisters sipped and sipped and paused to tell him some trifling particular, respecting home affairs which she had forgotten before. Mr. Bradshaw has refused to let the children associate with the Dixons any longer, because one evening they played at acting charades. Indeed, a little more bread-and-butter faith. Thank you. This Welsh heir does make one hungry. Mrs. Bradshaw is paying poor old Maggie's rent to save her from being sent into the workhouse. That's right. Won't you have another cup of tea? I have had two. However, I think I'll take another. Mr. Benson could not refrain from a little sigh as he poured it out. He thought he had never seen his sister so deliberately hungry and thirsty before. He did not guess that she was feeling the meal rather a respite from a distasteful interview, which she was aware was awaiting her at its conclusion. But all things come to an end, and so did Ms. Benson's tea. Now will you go and see her? Yes. And so they went. Mrs. Hughes had pinned up a piece of green calico by way of a Venetian blind to shut out the afternoon sun, and in the light thus shaded lay Ruth, still and wan and white. Even with her brother's account of Ruth's state, such death-like quietness startled Ms. Benson, startled her into pity for the poor, lovely creature who lay thus stricken and felled. When she saw her, she could no longer imagine her to be an imposter or a hardened sinner. Such prostration of woe belonged to neither. Mr. Benson looked more at his sister's face than at Ruth's. He read her countenance as a book. Mrs. Hughes stood by crying. Mr. Benson touched his sister, and they left the room together. Do you think she will live? asked he. I cannot tell, said Ms. Benson, in a softened voice. But how young she looks, quite a child, poor creature, when will the doctor come? Thurston, tell me all about her. You have never told me the particulars. Mr. Benson might have said she had never cared to hear them before, and had rather avoided the subject. But he was too happy to see this awakening of interest in his sister's warm heart to say anything in the least reproachful. He told her the story as well as he could. And, as he felt it deeply, he told it with heart's eloquence. And, as he ended, and looked at her, there were tears in the eyes of both. And what does the doctor say? asked she after a pause. He insists upon quiet. He orders medicines and strong broth. I cannot tell you all. Mrs. Hughes can. She has been so truly good, doing good, hoping for nothing again. She looks very sweet and gentle. I shall sit up tonight and watch her myself, and I shall send you and Mrs. Hughes early to bed, for you have both a worn look about you I don't like. Are you sure the effect of that fall has gone off? Do you feel anything of it in your back still? After all, I owe her something for turning back to your help. Are you sure she was going to drown herself? I cannot be sure, for I have not questioned her. She has not been in a state to be questioned, but I have no doubt whatever about it. But you must not think of sitting up after your journey, Faith. Answer me, Thurston. Do you feel any bad effect from that fall? No, hardly any. Don't sit up, Faith, tonight. Thurston, it's no good talking, for I shall. And if you go on opposing me, I dare say I shall attack your back and put a blister on it. Do tell me what that hardly any means. Besides, to set you quite at ease, you know I have never seen mountains before, and they fill me and oppress me so much that I could not sleep. I must keep awake this first night, and see that they don't fall on the earth and overwhelm it. And now answer my questions about yourself. Miss Benson had the power, which some people have, of carrying her wishes through to their fulfillment. Her will was strong, her sense was excellent, and people yielded to her. They did not know why. Before ten o'clock she reigned soul, power, and potentate in Ruth's little chamber. Nothing could have been better devised for giving her an interest in the invalid. The very dependence of one so helpless upon her care inclined her heart towards her. She thought she perceived a slight improvement in the symptoms during the night, and she was a little pleased that this progress should have been made while she reigned monarch of the sick room. Yes, certainly there was an improvement. There was more consciousness in the look of the eyes, although the whole countenance still retained its painful traces of acute suffering, manifested in an anxious, startled, uneasy aspect. It was broad morning light, though barely five o'clock when Miss Benson caught the light of Ruth's lips moving, as if in speech. Miss Benson stooped down to listen. Who are you? asked Ruth in the faintest of whispers. Miss Benson, Mr. Benson's sister, she replied. The words conveyed no knowledge to Ruth. On the contrary, weak as a babe, in mind and body as she was, her lips began to quiver and her eyes to show a terror similar to that of any little child who wakens in the presence of a stranger and sees no dear familiar face of mother or nurse to reassure its trembling heart. Miss Benson took her hand in hers and began to stroke it, caressingly. Don't be afraid, dear. I'm a friend. Come to take care of you. Would you like some tea now, my love? The very utterance of these gentle words was unlocking Miss Benson's heart. Her brother was surprised to see her so full of interest when he came to inquire later on in the morning. It required Mrs. Hughes's persuasions, as well as his own, to induce her to go to bed for an hour or two after breakfast, and before she went, she made them promise that she should be called when the doctor came. He did not come until late in the afternoon. The invalid was rallying fast, though rallying to a consciousness of sorrow, as was evinced by the tears which came slowly rolling down her pale sad cheeks, tears which she had not the power to wipe away. Mr. Benson had remained in the house all day to hear the doctor's opinion, and now that he was relieved from the charge of Ruth by his sister's presence, he had more time to dwell upon the circumstances of her case, so far as they were known to him. He remembered his first sight of her. Her lithe figure swaying to and fro as she balanced herself on the slippery stones, half smiling at her own dilemma, with a bright happy light in the eyes that seemed like a reflection from the glancing water sparkling below. Then he recalled the change, a frighted look of those eyes, as they met his, after the child's rebuff of her advances, how that little incident filled up the tale at which Mrs. Hughes had hinted, in a kind of sorrowful way, as if loathed, as a Christian should be, to believe evil. Then that fearful evening, when he had only just saved her from committing suicide, and that nightmare sleep, and now lost, forsaken, and but just delivered from the jaws of death, she lay dependent for everything on his sister and him, utter strangers a few weeks ago. Where was her lover? Could he be easy and happy? Could he grow into perfect health, with these great sins pressing on his conscience, with a strong and hard pain? Or had he a conscience? Into whole labyrinths of social ethics, Mr. Benson's thoughts wandered, when his sister entered suddenly and abruptly. What does the doctor say? Is she better? Oh, yes, she's better, answered Miss Benson, sharp and short. Her brother looked at her in dismay. She bumped down into a chair in a cross-danced, disconcerted manner. They were both silent for a few minutes. Only Miss Benson whistled and clucked alternately. What is the matter, Faith? You say she is better. Why, Thurston, there is something so shocking the matter that I cannot tell you. Mr. Benson changed color with fright. All things possible and impossible crossed his mind, but the right one. I said, all things possible. I made a mistake. He never believed Ruth to be more guilty than she seemed. Faith, I wish you would tell me and not bewilder me with those noises of yours, said he nervously. I beg your pardon, but something so shocking has just been discovered. I don't know how to word it. She will have a child. The doctor says so. She was allowed to make noises unnoticed for a few minutes. Her brother did not speak. At last she wanted his sympathy. Isn't it shocking, Thurston? You might have knocked me down with a straw when he told me. Does she know? Yes, and I am not sure that that isn't the worst part of all. How? What do you mean? Oh, I was just beginning to have a good opinion of her, but I am afraid she is very depraved. After the doctor was gone, she pulled the bed curtain aside and looked as if she wanted to speak to me. I can't think how she heard, for we were close to the window and spoke very low. Well, I went to her, though I really had taken quite a turn against her, and she whispered quite eagerly. Did he say I should have a baby? Of course I could not keep it from her, but I thought it my duty to look as cold and severe as I could. She did not seem to understand how it ought to be viewed, but took it just as if she had a right to have a baby. She said, oh my God, I thank thee. Oh, I will be so good. I had no patience with her then, so I left the room. Who is with her? Mrs. Hughes. She is not seeing the thing in a moral light as I should have expected. Mr. Benson was silent again, after some time he began. Faith, I don't see this affair quite as you do. I believe I am right. You surprise me, brother. I don't understand you. Wait a while. I want to make my feelings very clear to you, but I don't know where to begin or how to express myself. It is indeed an extraordinary subject for us to have to talk about, but if once I get clear of this girl I'll wash my hands of all such cases again. Her brother was not attending to her. He was reducing his own ideas to form. Faith, do you know I rejoice in this child's advent? May God forgive you thirsting if you know what you are saying, but surely it is a temptation, dear thirsting. I do not think it is a delusion. The sin appears to me to be quite distinct from its consequences. Sophistry and a temptation, said Miss Benson decidedly. No, it is not, said her brother, with equal decision. In the eye of God she is exactly the same as if the life she had led had left no trace behind. We knew her errors before, Faith. Yes, but not this disgrace, this badge of her shame. Faith, faith, let me beg of you not to speak so of the little innocent babe who may be God's messenger to lead her back to him. Think again of her first words, the burst of nature from her heart. Did she not turn to God and enter into a covenant with him? I will be so good. Why, it draws her out of herself. If her life has hitherto been self-seeking and wickedly thoughtless, here is the very instrument to make her forget herself and be thoughtful for another. Teacher, and God will teach her, if man does not come between, to reverence her child, and this reverence will shut out sin, will be purification. He was very much excited. He was even surprised at his own excitement, but his thoughts and meditations through the long afternoon had prepared his mind for this manner of viewing the subject. These are quite new ideas to me, said Miss Benson Coley. I think you, Thurston, are the first person I ever heard rejoicing over the birth of an illegitimate child. It appears to me I must own rather questionable morality. I do not rejoice. I have been all this afternoon mourning over the sin which has plighted this young creature. I have been dreading lest, as she recovered consciousness, there should be a return of her despair. I have been thinking of every holy word, every promise to the penitent, of the tenderness which led the Madeleine aright. I have been feeling severely and reproachfully the timidity which has hitherto made me blink all encounter with evils of this particular kind. O faith, once for all, do not accuse me of questionable morality, when I am trying more than ever I did in my life to act as my blessed Lord would have done. He was very much agitated. His sister hesitated, and then she spoke more softly than before. But Thurston, everything might have been done to lead her right, as you call it, without this child, this miserable offspring of sin. The world has indeed made such children miserable, innocent as they are, but I doubt if this be according to the will of God, unless it is his punishment for the parents' guilt, and even then the world's way of treatment is to apt to harden the mother's natural love into something like hatred, shame and the terror of friends' displeasure, turn her mad, defile her holiest instincts, and, as for the fathers, God forgive them, I cannot at least, not just now. Miss Benson thought on what her brother said at length, she asked. Thurston, remember I'm not convinced. How would you have this girl treated according to your theory? It will require some time and much Christian love to find out the best way. I know I'm not very wise, but the way I think it would be right to act in would be this. He thought for some time before he spoke and then said, She has incurred a responsibility that we both acknowledge. She is about to become a mother and have the direction and guidance of a little tender life. I fancy such responsibility must be serious and solemn enough without making it into a heavy and oppressive burden so that human nature recalls from bearing it. While we do all we can to strengthen her sense of responsibility, I would likewise do all we can to make her feel that it is responsibility for what may become a blessing. Whether the children are legitimate or illegitimate, asked Miss Benson dryly. Yes, said her brother firmly, the more I think the more I believe I am right. No one, said he, blushing faintly as he spoke, can have a greater recoil from proflicacy than I have. You yourself have not greater sorrow over this young creature's sin than I have. The difference is this. You confuse the consequence with the sin. I don't understand metaphysics. I am not aware that I am talking metaphysics. I can imagine that if the present occasion be taken rightly and used well, all that is good in her may be raised to a height unmeasured but by God. For while all that is evil and dark may, by his blessing, fade and disappear in the pure light of her child's presence. Oh, Father, listen to my prayer that her redemption may date from this time. Help us to speak to her in the loving spirit of thy Holy Son. The tears were full in his eyes. He almost trembled in his earnestness. He was faint with a strong power of his own conviction and with his inability to move his sister. But she was shaken. She sat very still for a quarter of an hour or more while he leaned back, exhausted by his own feelings. The poor child, said she at length, the poor poor child, what it will have to struggle through and endure. Do you remember Thomas Wilkins and the way he threw the registry of his birth and baptism back in your face? Why, he would not have this situation he went to see and was drowned, rather than present the record of his shame. I do remember it all. It has often haunted me. She must strengthen her child to look to God, rather than to man's opinion. It will be the discipline, the penance she has incurred. She must teach it to be humanly speaking, self-dependent. But after all, said Miss Benson, for she had known and esteemed poor Thomas Wilkins and had mourned over his untimely death, and the recollection thereof softened her. After all, it might be concealed, the very child need never know its illegitimacy. How asked her brother? Why, we know so little about her yet, but in that letter, it said she had no friends. Now, could she not go into quite a fresh place and be passed off as a widow? Ah, tempter unconscious tempter, here was a way of evading the trials for the poor little unborn child of which Mr. Benson had never thought. It was the decision, the pivot, on which the fate of years moved, and he turned it the wrong way. But it was not for his own sake. For himself, he was brave enough to tell the truth. For the little helpless baby about to enter a cruel biting world, he was tempted to evade the difficulty. He forgot what he had just said of the discipline and the penance to the mother, consisting in strengthening her child to meet, trustfully and bravely, the consequences of her own weakness. He remembered more clearly the wild fierceness, the cane-like look of Thomas Wilkins, as the obnoxious word in the baptismal registry told him that he must go forth branded into the world with his hand against every man's and every man's against him. How could it be managed, Faith? Nay, I must know much more which she alone can tell us before I can see how it is to be managed. It is certainly the best plan. Perhaps it is, said her brother thoughtfully, but no longer clearly or decidedly, and so the conversation dropped. Ruth moved the bed curtain aside in her soft manner when Miss Benson re-entered the room. She did not speak, but she looked at her as if she wished her to come near. Miss Benson went and stood by her. Ruth took her hand in hers and kissed it, as if fatigued even by this slight movement she fell asleep. Miss Benson took up her work and thought over her brother's speeches. She was not convinced, but she was softened and bewildered. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org, recording by Cynthia Lyons. Ruth by Elizabeth Clegghorn-Gaskell, Chapter 12, Losing Sight of the Welsh Mountains Miss Benson continued in an undecided state of mind for the two next days, but on the third, as they sat at breakfast, she began to speak to her brother. That young creature's name is Ruth Hilton. Indeed, how did you find it out? From herself, of course. She is much stronger. I slept with her last night, and I was aware she was awake long before I liked to speak. But at last I began. I don't know what I said or how it went on, but I think it was a little relief to her to tell me something about herself. She sobbed and cried to herself. I think she is asleep now. Tell me what she said about herself. Oh, it was really very little. It was evidently a most painful subject. She is an orphan without brother or sister. And with a guardian, whom I think she said she never saw but once, he apprenticed her after her father's death to a dressmaker. This Mr. Bellingham got acquainted with her, and they used to meet on Sunday afternoons. One day they were late, lingering on the road, when the dressmaker came up by accident. She seems to have been very angry and not unnaturally so. The girl took fright at her threats, and the lover persuaded her to go off with him to London, there and then. Last May I think it was. That's all. Did she express any sorrow for her error? No, not in words, but her voice was broken with sobs, though she tried to make it steady. After a while she began to talk about her baby, but shyly, and with much hesitation. She asked me how much I thought she could earn as a dressmaker, by working very, very hard, and that brought us round to her child. I thought of what you had said thirsting, and I tried to speak to her as you wished me. I am not sure if it was right. I am doubtful in my own mind still. Don't be doubtful. Faith, dear Faith, I thank you for your kindness. There is really nothing to thank me for. It is almost impossible to help being kind to her. There is something so meek and gentle about her, so patient, and so grateful. What does she think of doing? Poor child she thinks of taking lodgings, very cheap ones, she says. There she means to work night and day to earn enough for her child. For she said to me, with such pretty earnestness, it must never know want, whatever I do, I have deserved suffering, but it will be such a little innocent darling. Her utmost earnings would not be more than seven or eight shillings a week, I am afraid. And then she is so young and so pretty. There is that fifty pounds Mrs. Morgan brought me, and those two letters. Does she know about them yet? No, I did not like to tell her till she is a little stronger. Oh Thurston, I wish there was not this prospect of a child. I cannot help it, I do. I could see a way in which we might help her, if it were not for that. How do you mean? Oh, it's no use thinking of it as it is, or else we might have taken her home with us and kept her till she had got a little dressmaking in the congregation. But for this meddlesome child, that spoils everything. You must let me grumble to you, Thurston. I was very good to her, and spoke as tenderly and respectfully of the little thing as if it were the Queen's, and born in lawful matrimony. That's right, my dear Faith. Grumble away to me, if you like. I'll forgive you, for the kind thought of taking her home with us. But do you think her situation is an insuperable objection? Why, Thurston, it's so insuperable, it puts it quite out of the question. How? That's only repeating your objection. Why is it out of the question? If there had been no child coming, we might have called her by her right name, Miss Hilton, that's one thing. Then another is, the baby in our house. Why, Sally would go distraught. Never mind, Sally, if she were an orphan relation of our own left widowed, said he, pausing as if in doubt. You yourself suggested she should be considered as a widow for the child's sake. I am only taking up your ideas, dear Faith. I respect you for thinking of taking her home. It is just what we ought to do. Thank you for reminding me of my duty. Nay, it was only a passing thought. Think of Mr. Bradshaw. Oh, I tremble at the thought of his grim displeasure. We must think of a higher than Mr. Bradshaw. I own I should be a very coward if he knew. He is so severe, so inflexible. But after all, he sees so little of us. He never comes to tea, you know, but is always engaged when Mrs. Bradshaw comes. I don't think he knows of what our household consists. Not no, Sally. Oh yes, but he does. He asked Mrs. Bradshaw one day if she knew what wages we gave her, and said we might get a far more efficient and younger servant for the money. And speaking about money, think what our expenses would be if we took her home for the next six months. That consideration was a puzzling one, and both sat silent and perplexed for a time. Ms. Benson was as sorrowful as her brother, for she was becoming as anxious as he was to find it possible that her plan could be carried out. There's the fifty pounds, said he, with a sigh of reluctance at the idea. Yes, there's the fifty pounds, echoed his sister with the same sadness in her tone. I suppose it is hers. I suppose it is, and being so, we must not think who gave it to her. It will defray her expenses, I am very sorry, but I think we must take it. It would never do to apply to him under the present circumstances, said Ms. Benson, in a hesitating manner. No, that we won't, said her brother decisively. If she consents to let us take care of her, we will never let her stoop to request anything from him, even for his child. She can live on bread and water. We can all live on bread and water, rather than that. Then I will speak to her and propose the plan. Oh, Thurston, from a child you could persuade me to anything. I hope I am doing right. However much I oppose you at first, I am sure to yield soon, almost in proportion to my violence at first. I think I am very weak. No, not in this instance. We are both right. I, in the way in which the child ought to be viewed, you, dear good faith, for thinking of taking her home with us. God bless you, dear, for it. When Ruth began to sit up, and the strange, new, delicious prospect of becoming a mother seemed to give her some mysterious sorts of strength, so that her recovery was rapid and swift from that time, Ms. Benson brought her the letters and the bank note. Do you recollect receiving this letter, Ruth, asked she with grave gentleness? Ruth changed color and took it and read it again without making any reply to Ms. Benson. Then she sighed and thought awhile, and then took up and read the second note, the note which Mrs. Bellingham had sent to Mr. Benson in answer to his. After that she took up the bank note and turned it round and round, but not as if she saw it. Ms. Benson noticed that her fingers trembled sadly, and that her lips were quivering for some time before she spoke. If you please, Ms. Benson, I should like to return this money. Why, my dear? I have a strong feeling against taking it. While he said she deeply blushing and letting her large white lids drop down and veil her eyes, loved me, he gave me many things, my watch. Oh, many things, and I took them from him gladly and thankfully, because he loved me, for I would have given him anything, and I thought of them as signs of love. But this money pains my heart. He has left off loving me and has gone away. This money seems, oh, Ms. Benson, it seems as if he could comfort me for being forsaken by money. And at that word the tears so long kept back and repressed, forced their way like rain. She checked herself, however, in the violence of her emotion, for she thought of her child. So will you take the trouble of sending it back to Mrs. Bellingham? That, I will, my dear, I am glad of it, that I am. They don't deserve to have the power of giving. They don't deserve that you should take it. Ms. Benson went and enclosed it up there and then, simply writing these words in the envelope from Ruth Hilton. And now we wash our hands of these Bellinghams, said she triumphantly. But Ruth looked tearful and sad, not about returning the note, but from the conviction that the reason she had given for the ground of her determination was true. He no longer loved her. To cheer her, Ms. Benson began to speak of the future. Ms. Benson was one of those people who, the more she spoke of a plan in its details, and the more she realized it in her own mind, the more firmly she became a partisan of the project. Thus she grew warm and happy in the idea of taking Ruth home. But Ruth remained depressed and languid under the conviction that he no longer loved her. No home, no future, but the thought of her child could wean her from this sorrow. Ms. Benson was a little peaked, and this peak showed itself afterwards in talking to her brother of the morning's proceedings in the sick chamber. I admired her at the time for sending away her fifty pounds so proudly. But I think she has a cold heart. She hardly thanked me at all for my proposal of taking her home with us. Her thoughts are full of other things just now, and people have such different ways of showing feeling, some by silence, some by words. At any rate, it is unwise to expect gratitude. What do you expect, not indifference or ingratitude? It is better not to expect or calculate consequences. The longer I live, the more fully I see that. Let us try simply to do right actions without thinking of the feelings they are to call out in others. We know that no holy or self-denying effort can fall to the ground vain and useless. But the sweep of eternity is large, and God alone knows when the effect is to be produced. We are trying to do right now and to feel right. Don't let us perplex ourselves with endeavoring to map out how she should feel or how she should show her feelings. That's all very fine, and I daresay very true, said Miss Benson, a little chagrined. But a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, and I would rather have one good hearty thank you now for all I have been planning to do for her than the grand effects you promise me in the sweep of eternity. Don't be grave and sorrowful, Thurston, or I shall go out of the room. I can stand Sally's scoldings, but I can't bear your look of quiet depression whenever I am a little hasty or impatient. I had rather you would give me a good box on the ear. And I would often rather you would speak, if ever so hastily, instead of whistling. So if I box your ears when I am vexed with you, will you promise to scold me when you are put out of the way, instead of whistling? Very well, that's a bargain. You box and I scold, but seriously. I began to calculate our money when she so cavalierly sent off the fifty pound note. I can't help admiring her for it, and I am very much afraid we shall not have enough to pay the doctor's bill and take her home with us. She must go inside the coach whatever we do, said Mr. Benson decidedly. Who's there? Come in. Oh, Mrs. Hughes, sit down. Indeed, sir. And I cannot stay, but the young lady has just made me find up her watch for her and asked me to get it sold to pay the doctor, and the little things she has had since she came. And please, sir, indeed I don't know where to sell it, nearer than Carnivon. That is good of her, said Miss Benson, her sense of justice satisfied. And remembering the way in which Ruth had spoken of the watch, she felt what a sacrifice it must have been to resolve to part with it. And her goodness just helps us out of our dilemma, said her brother, who was unaware of the feelings with which Ruth regarded her watch, or, perhaps, he might have parted with his Facciolati. Mrs. Hughes patiently awaited their leisure for answering her practical question. Where could the watch be sold? Suddenly her face brightened. Mr. Jones, the doctor, is just going to be married. Perhaps he would like nothing better than to give this pretty watch to his bride. Indeed, I think it very likely, and he'll pay money for it as well as letting alone his bill. I'll ask him, sir, at any rate. Mr. Jones was only too glad to obtain possession of so elegant a present at so cheaper rate. He, even, as Mrs. Hughes had foretold, paid money for it, more than was required to defray the expenses of Ruth's accommodation. As most of the articles of food she had were paid for at the time by Mr. or Miss Benson, but they strictly forbade Mrs. Hughes to tell Ruth of this. Would you object to buying you a black gown, said Miss Benson to her the day after the sale of the watch? She hesitated a little, and then went on. My brother and I think it would be better to call you, as if in fact you were, a widow. It will save much awkwardness, and it will spare your child much mortification. She was going to have added, but that word did not exactly do. But at the mention of her child, Ruth started and turned ruby red, as she always did when the illusion was made to it. Oh, yes, certainly. Thank you much for thinking of it, indeed, said she, very low, as if to herself. I don't know how to thank you for all you are doing, but I do love you, and I will pray for you, if I may. If you may, Ruth, repeated Miss Benson, in a tone of surprise. Yes, if I may, if you will let me pray for you. Certainly, my dear, my dear Ruth, you don't know how often I sin. I do so wrong, with my few temptations. We are both of us great sinners in the eyes of the most holy. Let us pray for each other. Don't speak so again, my dear, at least not to me. Miss Benson was actually crying. She had always looked upon herself as so inferior to her brother in real goodness, had seen such heights above her, that she was distressed by Ruth's humility. After a short time she resumed the subject. Then I may get you a black gown, and we may call you Mrs. Hilton? No, not Mrs. Hilton, said Ruth hastily. Miss Benson, who had hitherto kept her eyes averted from Ruth's face from a motive of kindly delicacy, now looked at her with surprise. Why not? asked she. It was my mother's name, said Ruth, in a low voice. I had better not be called by it. Then let us call you by my mother's name, said Miss Benson tenderly. She would have. But I'll talk to you about my mother some other time. Let me call you Mrs. Denby. It will do very well. People will think you are a distant relation. When she told Mr. Benson of this choice of name, he was rather sorry. It was like his sister's impulsive kindness, impulsive in everything, and he could imagine how Ruth's humility had touched her. He was sorry, but he said nothing. And now the letter was written home, announcing the probable arrival of the brother and sister on a certain day, with a distant relation, early left a widow, as Miss Benson expressed it. She desired to spare room might be prepared, and made every provision she could think of for Ruth's comfort, for Ruth still remained feeble and weak. When the black gown, at which she had stitched away incessantly, was finished, when nothing remained but to rest for the next day's journey. Ruth could not sit still. She wandered from window to window, learning, off each rock and tree by heart, each had its tail, which it was agony to remember, but which it would have been worse agony to forget. The sound of running waters she had heard that quiet evening was in her ears as she lay on her deathbed. So well had she learned their tune. And now all was over. She had driven in to landew, sitting by her lover's side, living in the bright present and, strangely, forgetful of the past or the future. She had dreamed out her dream, and she had awakened from the vision of love. She walked slowly and sadly down the long hill, her tears fast falling, but as quickly wiped away, while she strove to make steady, the low quivering voice, which was often called upon to answer some remark of Miss Benson's. They had to wait for the coach. Ruth buried her face in some flowers which Mrs. Hughes had given her on parting, and was startled when the male drew up with a sudden pull, which almost threw the horses on their haunches. She was placed inside, and the coach had set off again, before she was fully aware that Mr. and Miss Benson were traveling on the outside. But it was relief to feel she might now cry without exciting their notice. The shadow of a heavy thunder cloud was on the valley, but the little upland village church that showed the spot in which so much of her life was passed, stood out clear in the sunshine. She grudged the tears that blinded her as she gazed. There was one passenger who tried after a while to comfort her. Don't cry, Miss, said the kind-hearted woman. You're parting from friends, maybe. Well, that's bad enough, but when you come to my age, you'll think none of it. Why, I've three sons, and they're soldiers and sailors, all of them, here, there, and everywhere. One is in America, beyond the seas, another is in China making tea, and another is at Gibraltar, three miles from Spain. And yet, you see, I can laugh and eat and enjoy myself. I sometimes think I'll try and fret a bit, just to make myself a better figure. But Lord, it's no use, it's against my nature, so I laugh and grow fat again. I'd be quite thankful for a fit of anxiety, as would make me feel easy in my clothes, which them, manty-makers, will make so tight I'm fairly throttled. Ruth Durst cried no more. It was no relief. Now she was watched and noticed, and plied with a sandwich or a gingerbread each time she looked sad. She lay back with her eyes shut, as if asleep, and went on and on, the sun never seeming to move from his high place in the sky, nor the bright hot day to show the least sign of waning. Every now and then Miss Benson scrambled down and made kind inquiries of the pale, weary Ruth, and once they changed coaches, and the fat old lady left her with a hearty shake of the hand. It is not much farther now, said Miss Benson, apologetically to Ruth. See, we are losing sight of the Welsh Mountains. We have about 18 miles of plain, and then we come to the moors and the rising ground amidst which Eccleston lies. I wish we were there, for my brother is sadly tired. The first wonder in Ruth's mind was, why then, if Mr. Benson was so tired, did they not stop where they were for the night? For she knew little of the expenses of a night at an inn. The next thought was to beg that Mr. Benson would take her place inside the coach, and allow her to mount up by Miss Benson. She proposed this, and Miss Benson was evidently pleased. Well, if you're not tired, it would be a rest and a change for him, to be sure, and if you were by me, I could show you the first sight of Eccleston, if we reached there before it is quite dark. So Mr. Benson got down and changed places with Ruth. She hardly yet understood the numerous small economies which he and his sister had to practice. The little daily self-denials all endured so cheerfully and simply that they had almost ceased to require an effort, and it had become natural to them to think of others before themselves. Ruth had not understood that it was for economy that their places had been taken on the outside of the coach, while hers, as an invalid requiring rest, was to be the inside, and that the biscuits which supplied the place of a dinner were in fact chosen, because the difference in price between the two would go a little way towards fulfilling their plan for receiving her as an inmate. Her thought about money had been hitherto a child's thought. The subject had never touched her, but afterwards, when she lived a little while with the Benson's, her eyes were opened, and she remembered their simple kindness on the journey, and treasured the remembrance of it in her heart. A low gray cloud was the first sign of Eccleston. It was the smoke of the town hanging over the plain. Beyond the place where she was expected to believe it existed, a rose round waving uplands, nothing to the fine outlines of the Welsh mountains, but still going up nearer to heaven than the rest of the flat world into which she had now entered. Rumbling stones, lampposts, a sudden stop, and they were in the town of Eccleston, and a strange uncouth voice on the dark side of the coach was heard to say, Be there, master. Yes, yes, said Miss Benson quickly. Did Sally send you, Ben? Get the Osler's lantern, and look out the luggage. End of Chapter 12