 I'm the comic weekly man, the jolly comic weekly man. And I'm here to read the funnies to you, happy boys and honeys. Yes, boys and girls, it's comic weekly time. And here I come right into your house to bring a little fun and happiness. Right out of the pages of Puck the Comic Weekly, straight into your living room, your friend, the comic weekly man, the jolly comic weekly man. Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello. Love you, sorry. How are you today? Do you have a riddle for me today? I said how are you today? Fine. Do you have a riddle for me today? Don't you want to know how I am? How are you? Fine. Do you have a riddle for me today? Yes, yes. What is a bed but never sleeps and has a mouth but never eats? It has a bed but never sleeps. That's hard. Well, I'll make it easy for you. The answer is a river. Oh, yes. A river has a bed and it never sleeps and it keeps running all the time. And it has a mouth but it never eats. That's very good. Now please read me the funnies. They're always good too. Puck the Comic Weekly? I will in just a moment, but before I do, let's listen to this nice man. Now here we go with Puck the Comic Weekly and at the top of the first page is Snookums. Oh, read that please. Very well. Magic wits for the music, please. Very well, my lady. Diddle-dee-da, diddle-dee-doo, wake-a-macka-mookums. Let's have a little tune for a little Snookums. Archie and Snookums are at a carnival. Archie buys Snookums a balloon and holds the balloon while Snookums goes on the merry-go-round. First picture, next row, a little boy asks Archie, Would you hold my balloon while I go on the ferris wheel, mister? And then another little boy comes along. Would you hold mine too? And then another. And another. And finally a little fat boy carrying five balloons comes running toward Archie. Archie reaches out his hand and says, I suppose you want me to hold your balloons too? All of a sudden, last picture, a man standing on the top of an apartment building sees Archie sailing through the air, hanging under all of the balloons, and Archie is yelling, Help! Help! Archie up into the air. You don't? No, I saw a balloon man with yesterday, and he could even sit down with his. He could? Yes. Well, maybe they use different kinds of balloons in the funnies. Oh, yeah, I guess so. Uh-huh. Well, now? Well, over the page, quick, flies Gordon, because Zarko, Flies' friend, has rescued Flies and Dale. Yes, but the outlaw Zinn is still in hiding somewhere, and had sent the zombies who he controls after Flash. Yes, but Flash put the zombies to sleep with some special smoke. Mm-hmm. So now let's see what happens next with Flash Gordon. Riga-rigadoon dunes. Ask him a task. Let's have music for heroic Flash. Mercifully putting his zombie foes to sleep with coma smoke, Flash leads the raid to capture Zinn's laboratories. As they enter the laboratories, they find Zinn's papers, and the secret to his control over the zombies. They try to trace Zinn through the zombies. But Zarkov, Flash's picture of the row exclaims, he just stopped breathing. Flash answers, Zinn simply ordered a drew. He found we were getting too close. But he can't stop us now. I have a fix on the location of his auto-brain. He's deep underground. First picture bottom row, through his zombie observers, Zinn sees that Flash and the rocket doom are closing in on him. He snarls, Flash will never catch me. That liquid genet atom rocket is too fast for him. And he climbs into the rocket. And then Zinn's rocket shoots out of a hollow crater as if the dead volcano had come to life. Flash reacts instantly, ordering all of his rocket to follow Zinn. But as Zinn's rocket ship disappears ahead of him, Zarkov, last picture, reports, he's outrun us, but he's heading out of the solar system. He'll never reach another planet. Flash replies, well, he chose his fate. We'll head for Mongo and make sure he doesn't try to circle back here. It's home. Yes. But just the same, I wish they'd caught that Zinn instead of letting him get away like that. I think you've got something there. Well, now let's go across the page of Dick's adventures. Because Dick was dreaming last week that he came to George Washington's house to tell him about Paul Revere's ride when Paul Revere yelled, here come a British. Yes, Dick is with Paul Revere in the early days of America, and it looks like there's going to be a war between the British and the Americans. Let's read and see what happens today. Very well, here we go with Dick's adventures and say the magic words with me. Let's have music for adventure this Dick. As Dick is talking to George Washington, a servant comes in followed by a tall, lanky man. The servant announces, Mr. Thomas Jefferson of Monticello. When Dick sees this famous patriot, he says to himself, gosh, it's really him. Thomas Jefferson enters, and last picture top row, at Washington's bidding, Dick again starts recounting the alarming news from Lexington and Concord, but more visitors arriving. First picture next row, Washington asks Dick to stop while he introduces them. Mr. Henry, this is Dick, who comes from Virginia with news from New England. Fighting is already broken out. Henry? Oh, Patrick Henry! I'm very glad to know you, sir. We heard a lot about you. Didn't you say... And Patrick Henry walks to the table which is now surrounded by many famous men, and last picture of the row speaks grimly. I said, give me liberty or give me death. I mean every word of it. And Dick says in a ringing voice, and I do, now and forever. And George Washington exiles, and I and the other men nod their heads in agreement. First picture bottom row, one other visitor comes in, just arrived back from London, writer, printer, man of science, statesman, patriot, postmaster general for the American colonies, and Dick recognizes him and explains, Benjamin Franklin! Oh, this is wonderful! As all the men looks expectantly at Benjamin Franklin, he says, We are at war, gentlemen, without an organized army, without a commander, against the strongest military in Europe. But fight we must, all of us. Or if we don't hang together, we may all hang separately. The Americans have to make some rapid decisions. An army must be organized. A commander must be selected. And so the Second Continental Congress has been summoned to a historic meeting in Philadelphia. From north and south, the delegates of all the colonies come. Dick and Washington set out from Virginia on their journey. It is early May, 1775, and last picture as they gallop down the pike. A hard-looking man with a pistol in his hand watches them from behind a tree. That's something we'll have to wait to find out. Oh, this is exciting! He's going to be made father of his country. Well, we'll find out for sure next week. Now look, here underneath Dick's adventure. Oh, yes! Rusty and Mr. Miles are going to go on a trip. Yes, to a place up on the New England coast, yes, and the place is called Sharks Neck. But that man named Squire something at Sharks Neck isn't too happy that they're going to come because it looks like there's something crooked going on. Well, let's find out right now with Rusty Riley. Gallop and run till the road is dusty. Give us music for his horse and Rusty. Tex announces to Mr. Miles. Well, I guess we're all set to leave for Cedar Point Creek, ain't we, boss? Mr. Miles replies, Yes, Tex, everything seems to be arranged at Sharks Neck. I just had a letter from Squire Boggs. He's been looking after my place up there. He is a tutor for the children. In fact, he asked me in his letter if he and his partner, Captain Crune, could land their lobster parts on our beach. That afternoon at the Sharks Neck Station, Rusty and Patty have gotten off the train. As it pulls out, they see a man carrying an umbrella looking for them. Rusty asks, Oh, are you Squire Boggs, sir? This is Patty Miles, and I'm Rusty Riley. The Squire nods his head and says, Glad to meet you, children. I'll take you right over to the house. First picture bottom row, they go into the house, where a rather odd-looking skinny fellow is waiting. The Squire introduces them. First picture bottom row saying, This is your tutor, children. My nephew, Anthony. Tony, Mrs. Patty Miles and Rusty Riley. Tony replies, Oh, hi. I'm delighted, really. And then the children are shown to their rooms. Later on in the afternoon, Patty and Rusty have gone down to the beach with Flip their dog. Patty asks Rusty if Tony Boggs seems like a regular teacher to him. Rusty replies, No, not exactly. But maybe teachers are different up this way. He seems friendly anyway. Patty nods her head. But even so, she still feels a little suspicious. Meanwhile, at Captain Clune's boatyard, Squire Boggs is talking to the captain who asks, Well, Squire, didn't them young ones get here? How do you think your nephew Tony will make out as a teacher? Squire replies, They're here. And they're might older than I figured on. But Tony's been to college, even if he didn't stay long. But that isn't what's worrying me most. We've been storing the stuff in Miles' boat house. Well, with him here, that's out. Who, uh, where are we going to put it? Last picture the captain answers. I thought of that. I got the answer. How about one of them old schooner hawks that's rotten away at Gibby's Wharf? You know, I bet they're doing something they shouldn't be doing. I wouldn't be a bit surprised. But now let's turn over the page and see who's there. Oh, look, here's Bear Rabbit. And I know you're anxious to read that. Yes, I am. Well, then, without wasting a minute, here we go with Uncle Remus and his tales of Bear Rabbit. Say the magic words with me. Hippity hoppity make it a habit to give us music for a Bear Rabbit. Uncle Remus says, Bear Rabbit thinks a heap of little old Bear Ant, because he gets a much common sense in a little old head of his own. Yes, Bear Rabbit thinks Bear Ant is a wise little fellow, so he trots down the road on his way to visit Bear Ant, saying, I just take my magnifying glass long so I can see how Bear Ant's coming on with his upside down castle. Finally he gets out to a field. He sees Bear Weasel and Bear Fox sitting in a log having a chant. So Bear Rabbit stops and from behind a bush listens, and he hears Bear Fox saying, I go over the scheme once more, Bear Weasel. Bear Weasel answers, Well, us sits Bear Possum's bar and fire. Then when all the creeders runs to put out the fire, us robs the bank. He's here. Bear Rabbit says to himself, No, they're going to burn out Bear Possum and rob the bank. Well, well, well. Bear Rabbit decides that there aren't going to rob the bank, so he picks up a long stick, blitz the end of it, and fastens the match in the slit in the end, saying, last picture, top row. If creeders like them would try working, they wouldn't be thinking so much about robbing. The first picture, bottom row, he pushes the long stick toward Bear Weasel and Bear Fox, who have their backs to him. Bear Fox is asking, Well, how did you know that the folks in the bank will go to the fire too? Bear Weasel replies, There you go. There he is, all volunteers. Then when the match is right up against the log, Bear Rabbit holds his magnifying glass up so the sun shines through it onto the match. And in a second, the hot sun shining through the magnifying glass lights the match and the log catches on fire. Bear Fox and Bear Weasel leaf in the air, shouting, No, Bear Weasel! What a sizzling- Hey, sizzling- Bear Weasel and Bear Fox run down the road with their tails on fire. Maybe the volunteers will come and put them out. And last picture, Bear Rabbit is looking at Bear Ant through his magnifying glass, telling him what he's just done. And he finishes the story saying, That's the way it was, Bear Ant. And the last I see them, they was running for the Mississippi. And Uncle Remus says, The hardest way to get something is to try to get it easy. Hero today. I should say so. He prevented the bank from being robbed. And he saved everybody's money. And I'll read that in just a moment, but first here's that nice man again with something interesting to say. Now here we go again with Puck the Comic Weekly and on the top of page five of the first section are old friend Roy Rogers, King of the Cowboys. Magic words for the music, please. Ha yippai-o! Now here we go with Roy and Trigger. Ha yippai-o! Roy was on his way to help his friend, Shubby Walden. A couple of thugs were trying to shoot a wonderful wild horse. When he tried to stop him, they tried to tie him to a wild westang and chased the horse off, dragging Roy on the ground behind him. Just when it looked like Roy would be killed, Trigger stopped the wild horse long enough for Roy to untie himself. As Roy continues on his way today, he hears someone off the road calling for help. Roy gets off Trigger and runs to help the man. He sees that the man has been caught in a landslide. As Roy pulls rocks and logs off him, he exclaims, What do you get here? And what happened? His friend replies, Beaker Morgan, shorty, tossed me off the cliff. They tried to catch my red ron. Last picture, top row, as Roy pulls Chubby off from underneath the logs, Roy tells him, are they with the same arm raiser jump me? What do they want with your red ron, Chubby? Chubby says weekly, first picture, next row. Because my horse has got... Hey Roy, get me the dark rentals, sagebrush bend, quick. Hey, he's passing out. Roy lifts Chubby into the saddle saying, I got to get Chubby to town, he might be hurt bad. Still like to know, though, about that red ron. Then Roy climbs on to Trigger, holding Chubby in place, and heads for the town of sagebrush bend. Last picture of the row, Roy enters the town. It's a small place, but there's not a single soul in sight. Roy exclaims, there's a graveyard. When it looks like somebody's in the livery stable, so Roy stops in front of the stable and enters first picture, bottom row. He asks a man standing there, hey mister, you know where I can find dark rentals, got a friend outside who's hurt bad? The man doesn't answer, nor does he move. Roy says, hey, didn't you hear me? I said my friend is hurt. When the man still doesn't answer, Roy claps him on the shoulder. Hey, the fella's head drops off and Roy sees a broomstick and he realizes that this is a dummy fixed up to look like a man. As Roy wonders what this is all about, last picture, a rifle barrel appears from behind the box. And the boy says, you just ruined three weeks' work, cowboy. Raise your hands before you bust up anything else. That's the strangest thing I've ever seen, an empty town. Yes, and dummies fixed up to look like people. And someone sticking a gun in Roy's back. Oh, this is mysterious. Yes, but I think the real dummy is the fella who thinks he can get away with anything with Roy Rogers. Yes, he's the real dummy because Roy is the hero. You bet he is. And next week we'll find out who the mysterious gunman is. Well, now if you'll pick up the second section of the comic weekly, I'll read Dagwit and Blondie. Well, here they are, right at the first page of the second section. So here we go with Dagwit and Blondie. Ram-a-foo, Ram-a-fum, Zim-Zim-Zombie, conjugal music for Dagwit and Blondie. Zim-Zim-Zombie. Zim-Zim-Zombie. Zim-Zim-Zombie. It's morning. Dagwit awakens, stretches, and sits back on the edge of his bed. And he says, oh, boy, am I sleepy. This is one of those mornings I just can't wake up. And he crawls back into bed. Zim-Zim-Zombie. When Blondie comes in, Dagwit looks as if he were dying and moans. Oh, call up the office. Tell him I won't be in today. I have every ache and pain known to medical science. So Blondie goes out of the room. Last picture top row, Dagwit shakes the paw of Daisy's dog and says with a smile, congratulations, it worked. I tried that gag a hundred times. This is the first time she ever fell for it. First picture next row, Dagwit comes in and Alexander says, hey, we're sorry you're not well, Daddy. Dagwit moans. Oh, Papa's a sick and ailing man. Alexander says, hey, Mr. Woodley's downstairs and wants to see you, Daddy. Oh, tell him I'm too sick to see anyone. Last picture of the row, Herb Woodley starts up the stairs. Blondie grabs him and says, don't you dare to go up there. Dagwit's a sick man. Last picture next row, Dagwit hears the noise outside his window. And a second later, Herb has climbed up the ladder, stuck his head in the window and is saying, you idiot, this isn't a work day. This is Sunday. You have a date to go fishing with us. Dagwit's eyes pop open. He exclaims, oh, my goodness. And then as Herb climbs down the ladder to go fishing, Dagwit chooses fingernails saying, oh, how could I have made a terrible mistake like that? Oh, what can I do? A little later, last picture of the row, Dagwit comes downstairs with his clothes on and he tells Blondie and the children, hey, look, I'm well. That little bitty pill I took cured me. And then he dashes out of the house and leaps into his car. First picture about a row, Dagwit has arrived at the lake where his friends are fishing. They're not making a sound, so the fish won't be scared away. Dagwit jumps out of his car and yells, look boys, it's me. I'm here. His friends leap on him and start to beat him up. Hey, quiet. Yeah, but quiet. Yeah, but quiet. Yeah, but... And last picture Dagwit lies in the ground unconscious from a conch on the head. His three friends go back to their fishing and one asks, hey, do you think we were too rough on him? And Herb replies, if he can't have him scared in the fish away. Well, that was no way for Herb to treat Dagwit when he was so happy. No. He was being a little rough. Instead of hitting him on the head, they should have put a sponge in his mouth. What good would that do? Oh, when Dagwit tried to talk, the sponge would soak up the words. You're just as funny as the funnies. Now how would you like to go down to the mountain? Oh, sure, sure. Well, then let's mosey over the page, pass the lone ranger, turn over page three, pass the little iodine, then pass Jungle Jim on page five, turn over to the middle of page six, and here we are with Barney, Google and Snuffy Smith. Igal Ogle, Oogle, Ipswath Swith, Music for Google and Funny Snuffy Smith. Aunt Louise, he reminds Snuffy, Oh, Lucie and Lucy had done been hatched up a hole in his hand. Snuffy claps his hands to his forehead and horror and exclaims, That's an outright shame, Ma. So they start to think about what they should give Lucie and Lucy for a wedding present. Louise, he says, Let's see, I could give him my purdy double wedding ring quilt. No, that ain't good enough. How about that rocky chair your grandpeppy wheeled out by hand? No, no, no. That last picture top rose south, and he tears out of the door saying, Time's a weasel. And by the time you can go, Snuffy is wheeling a wheelbarrow full of something down the road. Aunt Louise, who knows what's in the wheelbarrow, exclaims, Sure I would. There ain't nothing too good for Lucie and Lucy. And by the time you can go, Snuffy is wheeling the wheelbarrow up to Lucie and Lucy's house, and he shouts, Hey, Lucie and Lucy, I got you a bold, deacious wedding present. And Lucie rushes out and looks at what's in the box and exclaims, Dolan the ghost. And Lucie the bride asks, What an ass is it? I'm on a Twitter. And last picture we see the wedding presents climb out of the box. Lucie says, 14 pretty little puppy dogs. And Lucie, who doesn't want to start off married life by taking care of 14 pup, exclaims, Now there just ain't nothing weans need wasn't 14 pretty little puppy dogs. Yes, do you think your mother would like to have 14 little puppy dogs around the house? Well, no, not quite 14. And that's the way Lucie feels about it. Imagine having to take care of 14 little puppy dogs who aren't used to a house. Yes, but just the same, just think, 14 little puppy dogs. Well, let's skip over now to the last page. Well, I know what's on the last page. It's Prince Valiant. And on his travels, he's come to a castle that's a big mess because the man who owns the castle makes experiments with explosive stuff and he's blown the roof off the castle. And last week, he was telling Val about a genie that he discovered in his experiments. A genie's a magic person and a really scared the daylights out of everybody. Now Val's friends are anxious to be on their way. Well, I don't blame them after the way that man sets up explosions around them all the time. Well, let's see what happens next on the last page with Prince Valiant in the days of King Arthur. Hackett, Brackett, Gray Malkin and Quince. Music romantic for a fair, fair print. Music romantic for a fair, fair print. Prince Val and his friends leave the ruined castle of Sir Deluc rather hurriedly. Their nerves badly shattered by his experiments with a genie who roars and hurls flaming rocks into the sky. Last picture, top row, just as they're safely away from the castle, they get another shock. Val announces, there was a parting gift Sir presented me with some of his magic powder. Music romantic for a fair, fair print. Music romantic for a fair, fair print. That evening, first picture, next row, they make a campfire for the night. As they sit around the campfire roasting their dinner, Val talks about the magic powder. He begins learnedly. As a pupil of the great wizard Merlin, I believe the virtue lies in this powder and that the symbols and the incantations are unnecessary. He puts the container filled with the powder on the end of the stick and holds it over the fire saying, I will spill a little into the fire. Suddenly, there's a... Last picture, the row, the little container explodes like a bomb knocking everybody over. How is Val to know that the Sir to look at accidentally discovered gunpowder? The four men are dizzy from the explosion and for many minutes there's an ominous silence. And then, after the smoke clears away, first picture, bottom row, each one can tell by looking at his companions just how much good looks he has left. The hair has been singed off the heads of every one of them and their faces are blackened from the blast of the powder. They love and respect their leader, the thought that their good looks have been lost for the time being and their beautiful hair has been singed off their heads. This is too much. And the three of them pick up Val and toss him in a puddle of water. Last picture. No, this is one time that even Val was curious where he should have been more careful. Well, yes, but you can't blame him too much because long, long ago, not even a hero like Val knew very much about gunpowder, did he? You're quite right and you're very smart because the people in those days didn't know about such a thing as gunpowder. Yes, I am, I'm right. Yes, you are. Now, that's all the time I have, but before I go, here's that fella with some more interesting information. Well, honey and all your boys and girls, I've got to go now. All right, Mr. Comic Weekly Man, but I'll be waiting for you next week. Okay, that's a date. And the date with all your boys and girls, be sure to meet me with our little friend Miss Honey next week when I read The Comic Weekly Man. I'll be back to read the funnies to you happy boys and honeys. Don't forget, boys and girls, see you all next week. Your friend, The Comic Weekly Man, The Jolly Comic Weekly Man.