 So today we're going to talk about why modern dating needs a makeover and I'm excited to have a special guest in the house Jillian Turekki and Jillian welcome Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. Yeah, and I want to just jump right in I read your most recent Instagram posts I think this would be a great conversation. Can I share it with everybody? So it says you could meet someone who goes to therapy Knows their attachment style does yoga Meditates and they can still be terrible for you throw away all those rules and replace them with wanting someone who gets you Accepts you and is kind to you. I love that Why is it so well You know, there's lots of people walking around in therapy who are train racks Yeah, and you know and the thing is I You know, I've had relationships with men who were in therapy who were Awful and I've been in relationships with men who could have used therapy, you know, I mean so It's just it's not it's not a putdown of therapy. It's just that, you know There's this thing going around in the current zeitgeist, which is like, oh, you need to be in therapy working on yourself and blah, blah, blah Like why? I mean, yes, some people need to work on themselves and people do Need to have a certain level of self-awareness and and I believe that everyone has to do this the necessary Self-examination to be a better person and to be a better partner So I I'm a huge proponent of the inner work But that doesn't necessarily look like a yoga class meditation Therapy or it could look like that I'm saying is that you know, I taught yoga for close to 20 years and some of the most dysfunctional people I've ever met came through those doors. So I Think yeah, my friend. I was gonna say I don't know if you know Ariel Ford But I interviewed her recently she wrote the book soulmate secret and she goes just because the guy does it can do an Ohm and eats granola and all that stuff and has long hair and you know speaks to you know He channels God or whatnot doesn't necessarily mean he might not be a mess. He or she excuse me When it comes to relationships and and I just want to end on this one note There's a Instagram commercial that came out about a year or two ago What I mean as I saw it on Instagram where this these three women are talking about her most recent date and she goes He's tall dark handsome. He's got a great job and everything, but he lost me at he doesn't do therapy Okay, and that's where I and and that's where I want to kind of push back a little bit Why if someone is not in fit? I'm not in therapy. Am I right? You know, like that's the most ridiculous thing. I mean What if they are someone who does who has done a lot of self-reflection? What if they were in therapy once in their lives and then they continue to have a practice that makes them self-aware? What if they're just a great person who grew up in an amazing family that who has really strong values and Didn't need to go to therapy to work through stuff Why is someone not being therapy a red flag that is the most ridiculous thing? I've ever heard no really truly is and I want people to understand this Because there is a very big difference between someone who has a problem and who is unwilling to get help Versus someone who is Doesn't have a problem has a self-awareness is Very interested in being a better person is a learner does have a growth mindset But doesn't happen to be in therapy right now. So well first off. I'm in full agreement I'm a big proponent of more personal development self-help spiritual work and therapy certainly for those that have some deep childhood wounds and traumas that might need a professional But why I'm such a big proponent of what those three that I shared is because an Individual who is a bit introspective who is might have healed some I think we've all have some level of trauma in our life and certainly to the category that I speak to which is midlife Divorce happens to be an incredibly traumatic event and that represents probably 75% of singles over 45 years old so and and I agree because I'm not well you and I are both coaches and So I'm a big believer that coaching has some Some grand benefits. Maybe sometimes more so than therapy. That's that can be debated by the medical profession But I feel like people I think from a dating perspective, here's where I want to go with this conversation a Person who hasn't healed the you know, whatever traumas they've had in childhood or adult life Probably makes them and this is a question. I have less emotionally mature or maybe have weak relationship skills So by doing some level of inner work, they probably would improve those skills Are you tracking me by the way? Yes, but you don't necessarily improve those skills in therapy. You can improve. Oh, yeah for through reading lots of books through going to Sarah's to going to Summoners to yeah, you know, whatever it is. It doesn't necessarily have to be therapy that's very different than someone who had a very traumatic childhood and They haven't done any Therapy to address that at some point But I for me sometimes when I meet someone or have met someone and they tell me that they're in therapy To I proceed with caution. I'm the opposite. I Want to know why they're in therapy Because are they in therapy for a problem that that would is something that I want to stay away from Are they in therapy because they just enjoy the validation? Are they in there because they're actually they really are like that's just part of their inner their Personal development repertoire and they find it incredibly useful great. Yeah, but it's just not a guarantee that someone is is The right person and I and I like and just Repeat myself. I hate the fact that there are people who are like, oh, you're not in therapy So therefore I'm not gonna date you Lunacy to me Well, I have so much I can say on that but I want to kind of shift gears in a sense So, you know, I've you watched a few of my videos and you might have seen this or not But I do believe that we are swimming in a sea of dysfunctionality When it comes to dating mating or relating particularly for a variety of different reasons We can I'd like to definitely talk about the dating apps and whatnot But what we're really when we talked about this therapy conversation what I'm really leaning into How do you assess a person's emotional well-being emotional health their Relationship skills in this early stage of dating because these days we have a lot of dysfunctional people mating up And then they're just bonding with each other's through their mutual traumas and their bumping heads with each other They don't tend to go anywhere and I know that was a big statement. So feel You know, and that's why I tell people to go slow It's particularly important if you're someone because you know, I've worked with a lot of people who will say I keep on attracting the narcissist or I Or I keep getting my heart broken or I'm dating a lot of emotionally unavailable people It's because you know and then my advice to them is you need to go very very slow Like you should not be sleeping with that person until you know their family until you know their friends until you've had your first fight I mean, whoa, I haven't heard that. But by the way, that's a new one your first This and this is sort of radical and I and this I'm not preaching this by any stretch of the imagination I think what people want to do with their bodies is their business This is but I'm this is very specifically for the people who have a pattern Okay, of be of getting hurt and being burned by people that they are dating and They're constantly heartbroken But I would say overall you go really slow and you don't know a person's emotional because there's two different things Okay, there's emotional intelligence Which is important. It means that someone has an awareness of their emotional world But then there's emotional regulation because that awareness is extremely important Extremely important, but how are they during an argument? number one number two When life doesn't go their way How do they approach that when when the shit really hits the fan in their life How are they how do they rise to the occasion or not rise to the occasion and No, one is perfect. We all like life can be very very difficult and we will have moments Well, we will feel completely beaten up by life. Yeah, but then there's the person who is Constantly feeling beaten up and then there's the person who is I'm gonna go get help I'm going to go Volunteer I'm gonna read this book. I'm gonna go to therapy. I'm gonna go to that coach I'm gonna do things so that I can so that I can find my Resilience again and to me. That's a very rare trait of someone Who has that sort of emotional regulation and that they're not they're not just aware that Sorry, that's my dog. They're not just aware of the fact that like they struggle. They're also able to Not yell when they're having an argument. Yeah, they're able to be present during an argument They're able to communicate These are the skills that we really need to learn About we need to learn personally and we have to learn about the other person and Unfortunately, it takes time and this is right Don't say someone is your person within the first like couple of months of knowing them because you there's really no way Things have to get difficult And that's when you know what someone what what's who someone is really made of? Yeah So, okay. Well, I'm in full agreement with this I know, you know, Steve Harvey in his book act like a lady think like a man Sets a timeline wait 90 days to be physically intimate with someone and and I don't like arbitrarer I don't like set rules like that the same nor do I I do believe that One of the fundamentals that is missing in our current dating environment And it's really piggybacking what you say is building some level of trust with another human being And I believe our current dating model is rather passive it's all based on physical attractiveness and and Chemistry and there's this fear of asking really deep questions and and I invite people to do it on the Telephone before you ever meet someone But, you know, there's a lot of contemporaries out there say no Don't treat it like an interview a process or anything keep it light and casual The problem with light and casual is you can get attached to another human being that might be completely Misaligned with you. So I'm curious to hear how you address that in your work Like where where should you be the detective and where should you just be the enjoyer of the experience? The first date should be the enjoyer of the experience. Okay. I don't believe I mean look Everyone's first date is different if the conversation goes towards more Meaningful topics such as children and money and it's going there then you I would say Seize the moment and ask some questions. Okay, but generally speaking the first date should really be about do we have can't do we have rapport? Yeah, do I feel Do I feel that this person is interesting? Yeah, do I feel like they think I'm interesting to and is there chemistry? Yeah, that's it So Unless you want to be turned into Something casual if you want something serious don't do it So I should well, I'm gonna piggyback on that. I've recently did a video where I talked about how dating apps Predominantly have two functions and I want your take on this one It's just for hooking up and I was coming back to the sleeping in other words If there's alcohol involved you meet someone often times it turns into a hookup The other thing I've noticed coming back to the word therapy. We talked about earlier I think a lot of people are connecting using dating as a form of therapy as a form of Venting their problems there their issues. I think men do this with women I think men women do this with men and then they find themselves really just connecting at a level of of Trauma instead of actually Building something together because they're already excuse me They're already attached at this level that they're never gonna build something together and I'd like your thoughts on that Huh? I've never really thought of it that way. I think look the reality is is that pain is very bonding and So you do find something in common with people who've had similar pain than you and I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing Okay, in in itself. I don't think that's a bad thing Of course that there are circumstances where people are connecting so much Just through their story of pain That they're not that they actually are they serve they keep each other stuck in life Yes Right, so they keep each other stuck in life. I mean, I think that the general rule for that is I Think it's very important that we try to Talk about I mean we can be I think it's important to be Transparent with someone who we're dating not the first date, but someone who we're starting to see more regularly I think it's important that we're transparent with the things that we struggle with But I think it's equally as important to be transparent about Who we want to become? And our dreams and our vision of who we want to become I Certainly don't suggest a bitch fest an event fest between I mean, that's not really very fun But yeah, I don't think in itself Sharing pain with someone is a bad thing. I think you just have to watch That's not the only thing that the two of you share Yeah, I I would say well, I'm in full agreement of that I've just noticed quite a bit of that and I'll share with you from the male perspective I think men and this is just a perception I had so I don't want to state this as an absolute I Learned this even in the early stages when I went through a divorce 15 plus years ago I'd like talking to women because that felt safer talking about problems and my Divorce and and quite by the way, I was a train wreck back then so let me be clear I was I was dysfunctional as they came But it was nice to talk to women about that because it felt safer than talking to my male friends about this because I hadn't done any personal development work 15 17 years ago And I just observed that this seems to be a frequent pattern from and for the record I mostly work with women. I just hear that they are engaging in these text Relationships with people that they've met through an a day a swipe app particularly where that's all it is Yeah, and and so and I just see that that tends to be a significant percentage of what's happening Out there and and I think you and I both advocate for more of an intentional approach being mindful of all of this In the early process of dating so I'm just curious. By the way, do you work with mostly women or do you work with both men and women? I I work with both men and women, but I would say the majority. It's maybe like a 70 30 split 60 65 20 Yeah Well, most women that's mostly my audience for sure, but I do have where I have worked with quite a bit of men I've worked with quite Hundreds of couples. Okay. Well, the reason why I ask this is I feel like I see this in my channel quite a bit You know men get a bad rap You know, they're narcissists there They're like it's all a lot of the conversation out there is all about how men are bad and And I feel like that creates so little hope for women to actually attract a good partner out there So since you work with quite a few men, would you be willing to share your experiences working with men and how? They operate in the dating realm it from your perspective Well, I think there's just a lot of gender war right now anyway because like on my Instagram I see a lot of men right You know say all women are this and I see women do the exact same thing all men are unavailable or narcissistic But I mean I'm seeing it a lot from men about women So I think in general it's just like there's like this gender war Which is just terrible. I think that From my experience Men are looking for the same thing that women are looking for they're looking for true love. They want to be seen They want to be understood Um, there's plenty of women who play a lot of games With men who friends own them, but then want to hang out with them and get their selves into situationships with them So Yeah Absolutely. I think men want the same thing that that women do. I think that though Generally speaking men and women are not the same when it comes to sex and men Generally can separate sex from love. I'm saying generally I think that that changes as a man ages And his testosterone goes down and I think that as a woman ages She actually is able to separate love and sex more as her estrogen goes down So that that's an interesting thing, but overall, you know, if we're looking at, you know, ages 25 to even 50 We are, you know, overall there's a lot of men who Sex doesn't have the same Doesn't necessarily have the same meaning for them meaning like they can have sex with a woman who they're not emotionally attached to Or connected to and by having sex with her that's not what's going to bridge the gap for him A woman is much more likely to have sex with a man and all of a sudden Her a moat the bonding that occurs for her is starting to like Fire up so she will feel bonded to him And have expectations That he's feeling the same way like I think what perplexes women is that They can have like this incredible Like passionate evening with someone Yeah And then and then they think they're in a relationship with them. They can't stop thinking about them They're waiting for the call and for the and for the man for the guy. He's like He can compartmental like that may make him want to see her again, but not necessarily And so that's the biggest difference and that's why women really have to watch their backs if they date men about that because You know, you have to protect you have to have comfort Here's the thing There's way too many people willing to get naked with each other and not willing to have conversations with each other And that to me is at the root of the dating crisis Yeah um So there's something I say in my videos I I'm sure Are you familiar with the book eight dates by doctors john and julie gotman? I am Yeah, so I always say ladies before the penis ever goes inside the vagina Read the first chapter of this book together, which is about trustee commitment Yeah, and I and I say it in that tongue-in-cheek way because like listen, you know The physical intimacy like that's something that I I will say this I now believe that's sacred I didn't operate that way When my 20s and even after my divorce I was a I'm not a player, but I kind of acted like one because I was I was my Epic Yeah, I now value it more to me physical intimacy is incredibly sacred and so to be cavalier about that You know in the sake of freedom. I think has consequences. Um, I couldn't agree with you more I think that we can be sex positive And acknowledge the fact that sex complicates things Sex complicates feelings It it can make you Feel something for someone who you normally wouldn't have feelings for It can complicate expectations And so you can be sex positive, but while at the same time it's so important to acknowledge that It is not a cavalier thing. It complicates things always You know, um as you're sharing this this reminds me of where I first got introduced and I just want to share with everyone Jillian was on louis house podcast And I just so I hung on every word that you were sharing in this one Um, but louis mentions that in his relationship and he's now see recently got engaged You know, he and his partner waited. I think a month or two before they were three months. They waited three months Okay, I didn't know the exact timeline Yeah, and they really were intentional about their conversations Along with I'm assuming having a good time too. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah So But my I want to this is where I want to go with this I got the sense or I've observed him That he was a man or is a man who's very intentional about commitment And and like I you know, trusting commitment were like two really important values for him I've observed a lot of people Particularly men they're rather lax a dayacle about commitment particularly divorced men There's almost this reluctance to make a commitment to another human being And there is a lot of people out in the dating realm that are In this marketplace without any desire for commitment Yeah, I'd love to get your thoughts on what I just shared Well, what do you think what do you think's going on with men that they're not wanting to commit? Well, I know for example in myself, you know after my divorce like the last thing I wanted companionship I wanted connection. I wanted sex, but like I I wasn't even in a place to commit with another human being um and so there was that going on this Like almost this prejudice against it based on my past experience And I think there's a lot of commitment with pain Or you can you are you associated with too much responsibility? Responsibility and pain. So those two thank you for actually clarifying that I didn't think about it Is that what made it painful? It wasn't lack of freedom It was more the responsibility, but also the pain associated with what a failed relationship And I I'm just I'm just saying that I believe many men and women by the way women feel the same way too This isn't singular to the male gender. I'm just only bringing this up Is that with lewis he was clear about commitment and that conversation was on the forefront? I believe a lot of people entered the dark dating place going. Well, I don't want anything serious I just want it casual And that leads to a lot of confusion if one person wants commitment the other person just wants it a Yes, so um, there's a couple of things to that. I think that if If It's one thing to just have gotten out of a relationship and and saying to yourself I'm not ready to be in a relationship right now. I'll do something casual But I'm not like I need some time to get back on my feet. I think that's one thing. That's very valid When someone is chronically unable to commit And is just like they approach relationships from I want the connection of course because everyone craves love and connection everyone And I want I and that includes sex, but it also includes the companionship But I don't want to commit that person needs therapy or that person needs a coach that person needs help um If they're chronically like that because They have to investigate where that avoidance because that's really what it is is what's that what that is all about um I think that if you're someone who wants a relationship And you're clear about that Yeah, your job as a single person out in the dating market Okay Is to literally weed out the non-committal As fast as you can Yeah That is your job It's literally like saying i'm looking for a red apple in in a in a barrel of green apples And I am just going to keep throwing away those green apples until I find that red apple I'm not going to bite that green apple. I'm not going to say. Oh, maybe it's it's greenish If it's not red It's not for me and you have to be very very Intentional and clear about it and not let your desperation to be in a relationship to override your intention yeah Now I'm in a thousand percent agreement, you know, it's interesting the word relationship can have a variety of different meanings to each individual If two people could be you know on a first date and they go I want a relationship I want a relationship too Well, one person sees the word relationship is either you know Leading up to either moving in together or getting married to someone and the other person is like Oh, I just want to see you at my beck and call That's a relationship But I feel as though into people dating don't really clarify what each other's intentions are like You know and they and I well But we just said well, we can't ask those questions on a first date When do you think is a good time to start getting clarity? Okay, so That's a good question because because here's an uncomfortable truth. Yeah that people need to be made aware of Sometimes you're going to be friend-zoned Not because the person who's friend-zoning you needs to go to therapy But because they're really simply they don't like you that much They're not attracted to you So there are some people who are who are who are telling others I just want to keep it casual Because they're actually not that attracted to the person they're attracted to them just enough, but they're not It's not the right person for them. A lot of people will will Get committed once they're once they find the right person. So that's number one So when do you start to have this conversation? Well, I see a lot of people women in particular wanting to have that conversation right away Because they don't like the uncertainty Of early dating and you have to get comfortable with the uncertainty and your mantra For lack of a better word has to be I am waiting to see how I feel about this person There's so much more for me to learn about this person before I can even think about committing to them And so when You know, everyone is different. It just depends on how much time you're spending together. It depends on It depends on many factors, but I think that it goes it's just I mean Look you can have a conversation right away with someone Being like my intention I'm dating for marriage or I'm dating for committed partnership Obviously you and I don't know if we're right for each other yet But I want you to know that's what I'm dating for All right, and and someone can say They are too and then I don't know like I wish I could give you a time. It really just depends, you know It you could it could happen when When you're like getting closer to each other and it's time and you want to have sex with them And then you say, you know what I can't have sex until there's monogamy It could be it could be when you're developing really strong feelings for someone and then you bring it up and say My feelings are really progressing for you or yours progressing for me. Like what should we do? Like I don't want to see anyone else. Like what are your thoughts on this? It's You have to you have to always be communicating. That's just really important You said you want to be chosen and they don't want and they want to act all cool and they don't want to And it's like that's it's the wrong messaging women have to be very upfront about their feelings Well, I'm I I like the way you framed it. I wish I actually wrote it down. I'll go back and listen to it later You know, I'm a big proponent of establishing this is the standard that I operate on, you know And just you know, I just want you to know where I'm operating on. I'm not saying it's with you This is just who I'm operating, you know, like I want to build that type of relationship where it actually has some meaning to it where there's some real Long potential longevity and even, you know moves to either, you know, living or getting married with somebody And establishing that standard and just sometimes just the way someone reacts to that gives you a clue As to whether or not they're even, you know, they might act, you know, might seem like they act or Agree with you, but just their reaction might be put off. But you said something um I'm guilty of putting a woman in a friend zone capacity Knowing I can have physical intimacy with her, but I knew it wasn't going to go anything further than that Right. I never considered it a friend zone per se, but I just I I think I I've been guilty of that and I'm very aware of that I think for a lot of men, they're threshold who they'll have physical intimacy with is much lower than who they'll actually commit to And that's why getting that clarity on commitment. I think is hugely important. So I'd like your thoughts on dating apps And dating apps versus dating sites. I'd really like your perspective on it Oh god, I don't even know the difference between a dating app and a dating site Let me explain why I said that with swipe. You're just doing this whereas back in the day when there was matched up There wasn't it wasn't on our phone Right. Okay. Yeah, more robust information. You had a essay that could have been 2000 words Did you have to read? Right? Right? Right? I think the swap swaps the swipe app Swap Yeah has marginalized the process. It's marginalized people because it's just this You know the hamster and the pellet going on and I'd love to hear your thoughts on dating apps and and such Yeah, you know, it's interesting. I have three I've had three clients who met The people who they're going to marry on a dating app. Okay um and They Their approach they took they took a very very lighthearted approach to The dating app They actually have four clients four clients that no five five Uh people who I've worked with either one-on-one or in group coaching that that met their person on dating apps Okay, they um So I can't poo poo dating apps completely But they definitely had a very strict standard anyone who kind of seemed Lez a fair or just like wanted to do like texting. They completely blocked Okay, um, they went on dates with very low expectations and just trying to make a connection with someone and not expecting that They're going to meet the love of their life um And they were very patient So that is just overall very important. Um as a very important approach to dating is having the patients Having your low expectations when you go on a date really just trying to practice more being yourself on a date um But there are Obviously tons of people Who are saying that they are having the worst time on dating apps and The dangerous thing about dating apps is that these people like back in the day Yeah, when you met someone you would meet someone at the local community center or your local religious center or at work you know something like that and They weren't total and complete strangers Yes, they were part of community and The thing about dating apps is that you're you have no idea who these people are and that makes me feel very uneasy for other people I really believe also in the old fact the Meeting someone the old fashioned way and the old fashioned way is expand your circle Meet new people Make meet new people make new connections Say yes to to stepping outside your comfort zone because then You're actually just making your life more interesting You're meeting more like-minded people and then you're more likely to meet someone through the people that you meet But it all requires a lot of patience and stepping outside of your comfort zone Everybody who's listening I want you to rewind this and listen to this again um because you may not know this about me jillian but I was in a significant relationship that unfortunately ended about three or four months ago And we just found we were in two different places in our lives and and and my old pattern was Immediately go back on dating apps and do like do that and because i'm a big advocate I'm also an advocate that it happens to be probably the number one place people are meeting today Right, you're also meeting strangers. So this and I've decided i'm going to do something different I've been telling my audience this so last weekend. I went to an allison armstrong event. I don't know How was that? It was it was uh, it was uh co-ed. I mean it wasn't one of her um women oriented It was called uh freedom from the extraordinary and I've met allison a number of times But this was about a hundred went a hundred people of which were like 75 80 women and you know Maybe perfect for you and I'm like go I put yourself in an environment where it's more target rich And what's great about going to a workshop target rich. I like that. Yeah Well, I was thinking of the line from uh top gun Uh, it was something about the environment. Uh, yeah, that's actually the line to use. Um And and I just went I didn't go with an agenda I I went there because I wanted to learn and the topic was called freedom from ordinary and it was a really interesting workshop I went there not from an expectation of dating or meeting someone Just an expectation just being myself learning and I connected with so many beautiful human beings And while it did there was no love connection made I'm changing the way I'm operating by actually forcing myself you said going, you know being uncomfortable Of doing things outside of my normal comfort zone Um because I do believe and you said it it was funny because I was going to bring this up We're meeting a lot of strangers You know and it's hard, you know, like it used to be like when I met my ex-wife I mean we knew people we had circle of friends. We lived a mile from each other. This is 30 plus years ago um It's harder today when you're meeting strangers Not that we should have stranger danger attitude because I don't think that's healthy either But at the same time It does require Getting to know someone so putting yourself in environments where you could be with people that are familiar to you Yeah, like minded and someone and where you could meet someone and then you know someone who could vouch for them Which is not a guarantee But there is it none of it is a guarantee, right? But there is something to be said for someone telling you This is a good person Oh, I just had a great idea for an app How about an app where you know six degrees of separation? Yeah Huh Keep going keep going. I love this idea. Let me just parent this out You know like in other words you can only connect with someone if you're connected with them At least one or two degrees of separation where in other words, you can only match with somebody who knows somebody you know Oh, interesting. I love I love that. I think I just made that up. Yeah, that's fantastic. You should do it I think there's a lot of value to that So Let's kind of put a bow to all of this, you know, we talked about therapy. We talked about vetting You know, we talked about dating apps What's like what's a core piece of advice you like to share with your community? On having hope that you can be in a relate you can attract a really good relationship in your life I really do believe that Anyone can do it There's no question that there are some people who may have to go to therapy Honestly in order to do that. Yeah, but at the end of the day The key to it is to really understand yourself to understand your psychology and to understand your pattern And to make a decision to do things differently And you make the decision to do things differently because To not do it differently is so incredibly painful. Yeah, and people Unfortunately, we don't tend to make big changes in our lives unless we see The extreme value in making a change and usually what we find to be extremely valuable and change Is that at least we're not going to experience that horrific Pain that we experience by doing the same old same old And so we just have to make a decision And we really do have to be discerning And you know and just And be patient Have to be patient and live your life to the fullest regardless of whether or not you are in a relationship That's very very important and not to get seduced by These negative stories. There's no one out there the dating apps. I'm too old like I hate to reduce it to this but so much of it is about what goes on in here And I'm here to tell you that I've worked with women of all ages and Divorce women in their fifties, you know, amazing women who are like Dating it up and why are why are they a magnet to men? Because they just it's their they never would consider i'm too old They actually feel just feel really good about themselves and they have a an approach to life that's open and whimsical and curious about life and That really does does some wonders But if you if you keep dating like if you keep finding yourself In difficult situations, you have to think about the kind of people you're dating and who you're attracted to Anyone can do it though Yeah No, I'm with you a thousand percent, you know as I'm as you're sharing I'm thinking of something So a lot of people do interviews and you know, they'll say give me your resume Tell me about yourself in the beginning of the interview, right? Well, if anyone's lasted this long do you mind if I spend the last few minutes really I'm curious What got what inspired well, what do you do, you know for everyone? So they they've got this far share with everybody. What do you do? And by the way, I'll put a link below to how to connect with jillian on her instagram youtube podcast that sort of thing in your website But what inspired you to do what you do because I'm really curious about what got you Jazz to do what you do. So tell everyone what you do and what jazzed you Okay, so what I what I do is I'm I'm a relationship coach. Um, I'm right. I'm currently writing a book I've written several I've created many many courses and workbooks um, I'm also a host of the podcast jillian on love and um, and I have you know, uh big instagram social media presence I have uh membership called the conscious woman and that's for women who want to really Elevate their lives and strengthen their relationship with themselves But also learn the tools and the skills that they need to be an amazing relationship regardless of their single Or in a relationship or divorce. So I run that membership I've got also courses on heartbreaks and heartbreak and courses for singles. So that's that's basically what I do in my podcast Um, I got into this because for almost 20 years I was a yoga teacher and so and I worked with a lot of people On their physical injuries and a lot of people even in their emotional injuries and how it manifested in the body So I have always been um My genius zone was always I could I could look at someone's body and know where they have pain And likely know why they have pain So I have always been into the mind-body connection I've always been obsessed with relationships, but then I had a really difficult Marriage it only lasted two years. It was extremely painful my mom When he left my mom was dying of cancer And so I went through a terrible dark night of the soul And I thought um How could this be, you know, how could this be? So I became absolutely obsessed obsessed With what makes a relationship thrive And I've been studying relationships and working with people on their relationships Pretty much every day for almost the last 10 years of my life. So that's how I I mean pain got me here But I think that I was being pride like groomed for that for you know, trained for that for a very long time. Yeah Yeah um I'm gonna piggyback just because you probably don't know my story Um after going through a divorce, uh, I started internet dating. I mean literally the day I moved out of the house I was online dating and it was the wild west back in 2006 and seven in that period of time And I'd go on this great date. I'd meet someone had a nice date But something wasn't right and then another day another date nice person Something wasn't right and again again again and in one year I had over a hundred internet dates Wow And I go, you know, it's the common denominator me Like I had that wake up moment and the movie the secret came out at that time and I'd already had louise haze book You can heal your life, you know Yeah I already on the shelf, but it was collecting dust and I'm like it's time to work on me. This was 15 plus years ago But I became fascinated with relationships and human behavior. It just you know online dating became You know talking to people all the time Through the dating apps became a source of curiosity for me and eventually led me to what I'm doing today And not that it mirrors yours identically, but there's this I'm just I'm fascinated with human behavior and I suspect you're the same Yeah, I completely fascinated have been fascinated for I mean since I was, you know, very very young. Yeah fascinated and a lot of people Get motivated by pain and I have the exact same thing. You know, look The moment a person can look in the mirror and say Every single one of my relationships had one thing in common and that was me Is the very moment that that person's relationship destiny changes And so when you asked me earlier, you know, any words of wisdom, you know, or anything any words of encouragement if you can actually look within and see how your choices your beliefs possibly your behavior Has interfered with your ability to have the relationship that you want the moment that you can say Okay, I've got to look at me and the choices that I've made And how I've showed up or how I've not showed up Yeah, that's when everything changes and it will change And it will change as soon as you do that Oh gosh, I actually everyone we're going to end on this high note I'm going to go back and edit this and put this as the preview Yeah, I said that so eloquently so Jillian, thank you for allowing me to have an opportunity to connect with you I'm truly grateful and thank you for sharing with everybody Um, just to remind everybody I'm going to post links to how to connect with you In the show notes. So can I just reach through the camera and just give you a big hug of appreciation? Yes, big hug right back. Thank you so much for having me it was an absolute pleasure Well, thank you. I appreciate it. All right, everyone