 I have a sister. She's a little bit older than me. I don't say I don't love her. I love her. It's fine, but From the childhood always it was like I felt like my free will is like Violated she was always worrying about me like What what people say idiot you idiot what people say about you like Insecurity all the time and that insecurity she was putting on me all the time and was resisting I was hating her like this, but there is a boundary we can't cross like if we cross a little bit we just fight like so we I tried Apologize that that tries everything. She's very proud. She will never like I tried for my side, but they felt like It doesn't work something is wrong a few months ago. I just told her I don't want to have anything with you I don't want to know how you feel how you live I just want to cut you from life totally and when you speak about surrender practice if I try to Be within me. I Don't want her anywhere close to me. She she should not exist Otherwise the influence will be there like it's so deep within me am I did? Writing to cut the relationship to tell the her the truth about how I think so the question is Is it like in in some mahabarate read like oh the sisters you always should listen your sisters like older You know brothers, I feel no it's wireless my free will I I want to laugh I don't want to be measured like in my expressions. So The more you are in surrender to the truth To the to the answer guru you go then with the impulse of the truth Not with the noise of the ego Which means you have to train yourself To ask always is this action this urge to action. Is it? Rising from the truth or is it coming from that loud noise of the ego? That is your sadhana your practice if you undertake that practice As often as possible because you have this major Kundalini disturbance. It's not a small thing So you can't mess around lifelong, you know, it will put you in your place each time so If you start to take up that sadhana Gradually what happens is that you start to tune into yourself to the guru to the to the Atman and the right man the soul within and as you tune into that You also tune into the soul of the other because it's the same thing So those barriers between you and the other they dissolve and if It is somebody who is essentially not Supportive of your system, they will just disappear They won't be around you. Thank you No, but that first you have to do the practice God is not around until you do the practice you forgot that part right the second part is nice But the first part is the challenge the other thing is If you start to look at everybody in the world as yours Then why is your sister different from her? Of course, I understand a woman-male relationship is one thing and sister brother But you can also have a hundred other sisters. No, but what is what what is so different does she have some special? I don't know it's from my early childhood. I felt like authority of her mother says something. That's okay I can listen I can do but when she says it's she's strong like She might say anything but tomorrow she might also say something to you if you're lucky Then she might say something as powerful My point is that you are looking at her as your sister and your the blood connection and this and that why? Why in any case you don't owe anything to your sister? Spiritually seen the only thing you owe to anyone is to your parents to ensure that they are physically taken care of not even their emotional Needs because there's no end to the emotional needs of parents, but that they have comfortable physical care that is very crucial and do your your Care to the children your parents and to your children not to your siblings So if you if you don't want to deal with her first you have to deal with Your master within because otherwise she's going to be around to keep on torturing you You can't get rid of her just because you make a decision doesn't work that way Where is the bending? Where is the surrender? You know what I mean That's the point that's the key you won't be left in peace not just by your sister, but by anything in life Until that ego starts to bend down or rather you start to bend and stop listening to the ego and go with the truth This idea of being powerful, you know That you get every once in a while You know what I mean if you don't move in the direction of surrender that That movement of the Shakti will become more and more challenging You don't have any time to lose It's not like maybe her or how they they don't have that thing so that they can take that time But not you how old are you? Yes, I mean You're not a baby anymore. So No, you know what I mean Even if you decide you don't want to deal with your sister she'll turn up again Until you bend to the truth Do you know the difference between the truth impulse and the ego? noise I can say I'm successful to see that Yeah, I know so then You don't go with the truth always, right? some, you know some What is English this word called like in it? like I'm like a dog in Russia all the time was caged in his life and now he's just freedom He just wants you know to get a little bit loose. Why were you caged? What do you mean? How are you differently caged from her or her or him or I can't stand this when somebody is just with other people Just trying to get from their support against you. I I can't stand this but you're a 31 year old What is this big thing about your sister? It's not now it was from but now it's time to let it go. No, it's a past story, right? Yes, yes, what do you want to hold on to it and put pampers on it and comb its hair and And feed it food every day just leave it it's past tense Either you psychologize your whole life and keep on looking at all the things that went wrong or You spiritualize your life, and then it's just this moment that counts Augustinas yes, it's your name Nars Augustina. Yeah So either you can go back and look into the past and my mother did this and my sister did that and this one Every single person sitting in this room will have that many traumas as you Everyone will have because it is always relative to a person's situation. There was Bengali girl She had a huge trauma and she just couldn't get over it and the trauma was that her mother When she used to make breakfast is to give the older sister the bigger egg It's a true story and she's gone through her whole life traumatized You know, I'm not I'm not comparing your trauma to that but I'm saying It's relative, you know, some people will have a trauma because they they lost their arm or leg And the same kilos of trauma the other one will have because they got the smaller egg It's real trauma. She was going through so Either you leave that just leave it behind From this moment on nothing to discuss or think about the sister sister is sister. Okay all good Who are you is the question? So I'm not responsible like harmically something responsible for your no, no, that's good. Thank you. Thank you. I Just want to express myself without Measure like oh am I looking good in front of the people of the judging me? I don't want this I just want to be free now be free then right now. Okay, just be free Because anyways, whatever you say somebody or the other is going to think you're strange That is how life is So then I Don't actually very much care about what others says, but that one person I don't know how but that one person It's over now. No, we already decided Whenever that that discussion comes keep quiet no talk. Yes. Yes. How are you? Oh, you're fine. Oh really nice Can I get you something to eat to drink? No. Okay silence. No talk Why do you need to discuss anything with her? It's about inheritance. Oh, you're getting more than me. How sad That's it. There's nothing to talk about further than that with someone who causes you distress like that. There's no discussion No discussion. No talk How do you feel? How do I feel you did this to me when we were three years old? So now I do this. It's all nonsense Life is very short if you're going to focus on the traumas of 20 years back and try to continuously try to To clear it up. You you won't be able to live this moment Then in 20 years you'll go back to clear this moment because you would be traumatized because you were not living in this moment It's just waste of time. Yeah, I understand fully understand. Yes Fully gather the strength Don't be afraid Don't get into discussions with people who hurt you. It doesn't make any sense But don't be rude. Don't be nasty silence. No opening the mouth Head down in surrender to the truth and silence unless the truth tells you to say something which it won't do Pull together the strength to do that But that the truth within me told me that I should say the truth of her how I feel I don't think your truth within you speaks to you. This is your ego The truth doesn't speak. It's an impulse. It doesn't have any need for you to speak to anybody because it doesn't have any needs It is a cosmic impulse. It's not a a voice of need. Oh My truth told me my soul told me to go to the Bahamas. No, it doesn't tell you to do things It's a it's a cosmic impulse. It's binary in nature. It's only yes or no Positive or negative and once you start feeling it like a small baby. You start acting from it except because you're socialized You don't do things like P on the floor or something, you know So it's not a voice telling you Augustinas now tell her how you feel How what does one achieve by talking like that? I didn't say I don't want to talk to you again Whatever you said, what is the truth how you feel? Okay, and now do you feel different after telling actually feel little release Little come back to build up again This is not the way to deal with that situation because she will feel hurt if you tell her that because she doesn't understand You you might express anything to the other but that doesn't mean that they understand what you're saying They don't understand most of the time Even if you talk to even if you ask someone to you buy an apple. He doesn't understand what you're saying Even if you speak the same language, it's a very difficult thing for two human beings to communicate with each other So what's the point of telling her you have hurt me and I didn't feel this and you traumatized me and You think she's gonna like that. I think the answer is no I just need apology simple What you need is inconsequential to anybody in this world to anyone in this room what you need nobody cares and Definitely not your sister. So how do you? Assume that you have the right to get an apology from her and how do you assume to get it in the first place? First we would like to talk. We are not enemies Some of some of time we are very close to each other. You talk or you don't talk if you talk That's what will happen. If you don't talk, there'll be peace. I'm not saying not to talk at all How are you? Oh, the weather is very nice today. Hmm. It's very sunny. Isn't it like people and villages? Have you noticed how they talk to each other? They don't go into deep emotional discussions They they meet each other and say hmm. Sun is very hot today You can see it in every village in the world every village They only talk like that whether it's Tamil Nadu or it's in Pondicherry Or it's in Switzerland or it's in America. It's in Australia in the village. It's First they talk about the weather Then they talk about their cars. Ah, nice. What is this something you that if it's women They talk about maybe the the the fruits that they just collected from a secret place Which the other ones don't know wild things or mushrooms They collected or something and then they talk about the weather obviously which is amazing thing to talk about because we all depend on that Talk about the weather with her Tell her a makeup is very nice and Keep it at that. There's nothing more to discuss. You want an apology from somebody. Why? Why should she give you an apology? Tell me because reason There is if I feel within myself If I get the polish I might just hug her is everything, but that's you. It's fine But it's you she doesn't want that she doesn't want that The world doesn't want what you want It's the other way around. Yeah, no, it's better to be centered to be quiet to talk about the weather to talk about how beautiful she looks and The moment she starts telling you something about yourself head down Move in with the truth. That's it This is how one has to live in this life with everyone that's What deep talks do you want to have with your sister? It's ridiculous One shouldn't have deep talks with anybody actually One should have deep communion with the soul and then all the talks become sweetness Just about the weather and about you see the beauty in the other one then You see the sweetness in the other and then the whole talk goes to that Yes, you can have deep philosophical discussions with somebody who is attuned with you You are attached to her How can you be attached to her and no self doesn't work Some part of me was always like keeping her as a mother, you know, like she was a little older than me I loved her all the time even now but If you don't do it life makes you do it You have to make that decision not to get into those discussions with her But to respect her for who she is and her beauty and her and her that there's a soul in there like there is within you If you can't see that then it's your fault not hers You have to change Why why do you want her to change? She has to apologize to me, but why? Why then we can speak again, but she doesn't want to apologize to you then we don't speak exactly what i'm telling you It's fine with me. It's fine when you don't speak then she'll start speaking right You're attached to this idea of how she should be. She's not like that She is not like that period Don't be attached to how people have to be with you. You'll be attached to the source be in that state I'm not here to to present you psychological possibilities of therapy with her That's not what happens in a place like this. This is an individual thing you and the soul You and the source the more you bend the more she will change Or she will move out of your situation Yeah One thing I just finished quickly. Okay. Take your time. There is if someone wants to interrupt this Discourse then you have to put your hand up and ask to take another one and otherwise We will be discovering all the facets of augustina's system. Sorry, i'm torturing your distribution You have the right to speak. It's an open satsang. You can ask anything you want So please feel free feel free since you want freedom. Here it is now feel free and speak I felt when I started spiritual process There are some rules I have to follow like I felt within myself I don't feel good when I talk about behind other people's backs She's doing that and this commenting commenting. It's it's like a disease, but I love her. It's it's Well, why don't you love her? What is the difference finally between your sister and any of the beautiful women sitting here as sisters? Even if not other things it should better be that but okay karmic. I don't know. Maybe some karmic thing Who knows everything is a karmic thing? Everyone is connected to each other karmically on this planet everyone I would like to hug everybody. It's no problem. You don't have to hug somebody to feel connected. That's kumbaya If you want to feel deep connection with the other you don't have to hug them for that Because that is only a connection on a material physical level and in fact it sometimes negates the other levels of connection that there can be I understand that you're a hagi type, but still Kundalini disturbance after that I don't know much hagi Why you know why because technically the kundalini Shakti is trying to teach you something And what it's trying to teach you is that when too much of hagi hagi stuff goes on The energies get equalized between two people and when those energies get equalized the one who's building up tapas Shakti Loses it to the other person who has not built it up. That is all right in a Egalitarian, I mean if you're in France then that would be okay because it's egalité and fraternité and liberté and all that But it is not the way necessarily to be in a spiritual Community because finally that equalizing goes on and then some people They take up a lot of tapas and others don't do anything And this equalizing is not good for the one who hasn't done anything because they receive energy, but they're unable to hold it So hugging is not a bad thing, but it's all right if you don't hug all the time everyone and And I'm sorry. I'm not that like physically. I'm hugging within my heart. It's oh now it's changed to the heart No, I'm not lying. I'm Agustin as I have to tell you something When I say this then you say yes, you're doing that already Then I say, oh, okay, then everything is fine. Then you come up with something else Then I say, ah, then you should do this. Then you say I'm doing that already But it's not like that Let me try to explain to you so you can maybe feel free of this strange connection with your sister Nobody in this world goes into a Communication with another or should go into a communication with another when it causes so much pain It is not okay to do that to yourself So sometimes it's painful to say no It needs discipline because everybody likes to gossip with people that they are familiar with And almost everybody has fights with their siblings. It's because of this reason If you're on the same spiritual path, you can discuss about your journey or about your experience As little as possible. It's always better. But that is different. She's not on the same path as you She doesn't even understand what you have in your body If you don't take the discipline not to speak to her Unnecessarily You will always be hurt by her And you'll be sitting here and crying after 10 years also Be a man stand up and say no enough is enough now That's what men are they can make strong decisions I did it Two months ago There you go once more you're saying I did it but you haven't done it Because you're here sitting and and crying about it. I'm not saying you shouldn't cry. That's not what I mean But you are crying about it So you haven't done it Now you can do it It's a strong internal Tough decision to make I will not engage in Any conversations that go beyond the weather her makeup If she has children how lovely they are What she cooked for breakfast or what her husband cooked for if she's a tough sort Normally, it's the men who do that nowadays fully fine. All good. All good. I like that. It's it's nice It's okay sharing But the point is that there's no talk about anything else But Are you ready to Just be tough My of course. Yes. I just needed your I felt that way I was not Courageous enough, you know, maybe maybe I blame myself a little bit for what I said like that Like people say we have to keep relations with your siblings. You must this is your karmic duty that nonsense What's deepened in within me and you just A spiritual seeker doesn't have to keep relations with anybody a spiritual seeker has a Duty towards the parents for their material comfort Because you can't satisfy parents emotional needs. It's not possible Their needs are always more than what you can do But their material comfort. Are they okay? Do they have enough? Do they have a proper roof? Are they comfortable? Do they have enough of whatever they need? That is a dharmic duty But not if the if there's a complaint you don't talk to me enough or you don't love me enough and I'll know It's good You don't owe that to anyone. You only are in surrender all the time and the truth will tell you what you have to do And what you have to undertake and to the siblings. No No It's the parents duty to take care of the siblings. They're not your children Your children. Yes very very strongly so Your partner. Yes Siblings often interfere With the partnership of their other sibling and they cause trouble between the partners Siblings unless they are very sensitive and very transformed keep them at a nice distance weather beauty makeup Cooking Which movie did you see and don't go into the details of the movie because you won't agree Got it. It's a it's a decision It's a a spiritual seeker has to take strong decisions Otherwise they're there wavering always between all kinds of things. No And you'll see it will be better in the long run for both of you Yes