 I'm very excited to be trying out for Amazon Prime's Lord of the Rings series. I'm a huge fan of the Peter Jackson franchise. I'm a huge fan of the world. I'm Adam Olinger, of course, from the Hit Channel. Adam does movies. You've heard of it? You know a lot of people shaking their heads now. I'm just going to be spitball in lines from the Fellowship of the Ring to start with. Maybe I'll come back and do the Two Towers and potentially the Return of the King. The Return of the Adam. I don't like to call this audition. Here we go. You cannot pass. I am the servant of the secret fire. Wielder of the Flame of Anor. The dark fire will not avail you. Flame of Odun. Is that right? Is that... I'm just going to keep going. Go back to the Shadow. You shall not pass. Put a beard on me. Age me a little bit. I'm Gandalf the Grey. Gandalf the Wise. I'm Gandalf the... Stunnedly Attractive? I see an intern girl over there shaking her head now. Gentlemen, we do not stop till nightfall. But what about breakfast? You've already had it. Stupid piece of shit. We've had one, yes. But what about second breakfast? I don't think he knows about second breakfast, Pip. It's a pity Bilbo didn't kill him when he had the chance. Gandalf. Pity? It was pity that stayed Bilbo's hand. You're late. A wizard is never late, Frodo Beggins. Nor is he ever early. He arrives precisely when he means to. Well, it's not the fucking time we agreed to, Gandalf. I made a promise, Mr. Frodo. A promise! Don't you leave him, Samwise Gamgee. And I don't mean to. I don't mean to. One does not simply walk into Mordor. She's always crying, so... Do you remember when we first met? Thought I had wandered into a dream. Or an Aerosmith music video. Go back, Sam. I'm going to Mordor alone. Of course you are. And I'm coming with you. Flawd, you fools. My sword and you have my bow. I'm awesome. And my axe! Don't suppose we'll ever see them again, Sam. We may yet, Mr. Frodo. We may. I like to repeat things that I say often. Sam, I'm glad you're with me. Are you frightened? Yes. Not nearly frightened enough. I know what hunts you. Wow, thanks, dick. They have a cave troll. I'm just going to be fighting the troll as different characters of the party. Take from it what you will. Lakeless time, bitches. It's like a round-the-head shot. What is this new devilry? A ballrog. A demon from the ancient world. This foe is beyond any of you. Run! Into me. My own. My love. Ashes. Something draws near. I can feel it. Calling in the air tonight. Hold on. Hold on. Hey, tonight. Hold on. I love Phil Collins. It reminded me. I'll keep going. I'll continue. Full of a toque! I don't know what the fuck that means. Full of a toque? Full of a toque? Shiner. Begins. Getting stabbed by the cave's troll through the Mithril armor. I think everybody's pretty impressed with what I brought to the table today, right? You know how to find me. I'm a pretty big show. A pretty big deal on YouTube. So Adam Olinger, you know. Intern still shaking her head. No, like we're not having a connection here. Okay, thanks. Thanks for your time. All right, let's get going. We're live. It's Adam Does Movies. It's a Tuesday night. We're feeling frisky. I, of course, have my Coca-Cola on the rocks. Not even looking for the pour, but I'm going to look in a second because I can feel it's getting close to the top. Mmm. That's entertainment. I think I got some of the kinks worked out. So probably not. But I think I did. I was able to figure out how to do something a 11-year-old child can do on the internet, which is preview the stream before pushing it out live. If you've been joining me on this misadventure, which is live streams on Tuesdays and Friday nights at 10.30 p.m., you will have noticed there's been a myriad of issues that have come up from camera failures, to audios not being in sync. It's a complete shit show, and we're here for it. I don't think there's really anything else exciting that took place today, so let's talk movies. And let me start by giving you a breakdown of what's to come. Today on the show, we are going to be addressing some movie news that is hit, that is surfaced, that's percolating. We are going to cover what I think is going to be a fun little segment where I go through movie franchises that have disappointed me. Spoiler, there's a lot of them. Films that started out great, but somewhere along the way, due to studio interference, poor writing, or just a amalgamation of different things. The movies have gotten bad. They've gotten stale. They've gotten rotten. Putting that extra T, rotten. I can't say my T's well. It's been a problem for a long time. As always, super chats are why we do this, really. Obviously, I'm here to entertain, to talk movies, to have fun, have some camaraderie, but at the end of the day, super chats are very much appreciated, whether it's $1.99 or $20. Like, I already got right out of the gates, shot out of a cannon, hacked the movies with a powerful $20 super chat. I like to save these to the end, and you're giving me a couple bucks to dance like an idiot. Let's see what Tony from Hack the Movies is to say. He was recently just at Universal Studios. I was jealous because I love Universal Studios. My family went last year, had a great time. We want to go back. He was a little saucy with his photos, though. I don't appreciate how he was kind of like, man, this is lame. This sucks. I genuinely hope you had a good time, Tony. Anyway, his super chat is as follows. Howling 3 really helped reinvent the Howling franchise. Part 4 being a remake of one kind of messed it up. 5 and 6 were okay, as self-contained stories. Then they ruined it in Part 7 by trying to connect with them. I'm sure you agree. The Howling franchise, I believe, started in 1977. There's eight films based off three graphic novelles. Yeah, so I know a little bit about the werewolf franchise, the Howling Tony. I know you thought you were pretty clever in playing. No, honestly, I saw your super chat right before I went live, so I googled what the fuck the Howling was, because I had no idea. Yeah, no idea. Thanks for that cut, though, and thanks for the $20. That's really the only part I care about. Let's get into the news. Oh, Harry Potterland was great, says Tony. Good. I don't think it's called Harry Potterland, but that's fine. I'm glad you liked it. Let's start with the news, the movie news. Boom. According to Discover, this giant Discovery card banner add, according to ScreenRant. The avatars sequel delays into 2030s. Has everyone already feeling old? I felt old before the avatar news. It's with a heavy heart that I tell you that the three upcoming, yes, three upcoming avatar sequels have been delayed, prompting an outpouring on Twitter about just how old everyone will be by the time the franchise concludes. Okay, let's see when these come out now, because they're going to be delayed again and then again and again. Avatar 3 is coming out December 19, 2025. Avatar 4, 2029, and Avatar 5, 2031. I mean, if I liked the Avatar movies, I would care. But Avatar 2 blew ass, and I don't want to hear anything else about it. You can like the pretty Smurfs in space jumping around for three hours, circle jerking. I hated that film. And I liked the first one, but I'm not going to lie to you. The 3D and the visual extravaganza when that first movie came out was unlike anything else in theaters. It was a magical experience. I own it on Blu-ray, and I have a hard time getting through that film. I have a hard time watching it again at home, because I don't have the surround sound 3D glasses on a jumbo screen. So it loses a lot of that luster, a lot of that sheen. And Avatar 2 I just don't like. But if you're a big fan of the Avatar sequel, Way of Water, Dark of the Moon, Transformers style title, then you know, you have 2025, which I'm guessing is going to be delayed longer. I predict Avatar 3 doesn't come out until 2027. That's how I feel about the James Cameron saga. It's always rife with issues. Let's move on to the next piece of news. This is even more lame than last. According to ScreenRant, these are all from ScreenRant. I just, I googled movie news and ScreenRant came up. So that's where we're at with things. James Gunn confirms the first DC Universe movie character. Wait, isn't it going to be Superman? No, you idiot! Sorry, not you. Gunn's Superman Legacy will be the first DC Universe movie, but Superman isn't the first DCU character. Wipe out. Oh, excited. Question, aren't we getting an Avatar video game? Yeah, there's an Avatar video game coming out. Usually the questions I answer are super chats, but I'll say, yeah, there's an Avatar game coming out. Following uncertainty about whether or not Blue Beetle will be connected to the DC Universe, James Gunn sets the record straight about the young hero's future. Okay, let's skip all the bullshit and the preamble. Okay, it appears the mystery has finally been solved, as Gunn recently chatted about his future with DC Studios on Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum. That sounds oddly sexual. Inside of You. Maybe it's supposed to. During his guest spot on the popular podcast, popular, I guess he hasn't heard of Adam Does Movies podcast. He hasn't, legitimately. The DC Studios boss confirmed that while his Superman Legacy movie will be the first proper DC Studios film, the Blue Beetle character will officially be the first DC Universe character. I don't like that they said character twice in the span of four words. I don't like that. I guess it's more like seven words, but still, there's other words you can use. It's such a pet peeve of mine. It's one thing to be talking off the cuff, but you're writing a damn article. Have some respect. Unbelievable. Okay, so while it was always known that Blue Beetle wouldn't be tied to the DCEU, it was still uncertain whether or not it would be a DC Universe property or exist as an Elseworld's story, Barf. Barf with the Elseworld stuff. This is so dumb. All right, Blue Beetle looks like shit. That doesn't mean it will be, but that trailer was terrible. So what does that even mean? The movie isn't necessarily part of the DC Universe with James Gunn's Superman Legacy, but the character is? So is he gonna pop in through the multiverse and be like, hi, I was in a crappy movie, but I was cool. So here I am. That's how he talks. It's like Urkel, and I knew that. People know who Urkel is, right? All right, I just really don't care about any of this. I am excited for Superman Legacy because James Gunn has made nothing but good movies for me. And I know my taste, and I like Superman as a character. A lot of people don't like Superman. They think he's OP and just lay him all around. That's fine. You do you, boo. I'm excited to see what he has in store for this character. Up next, Blue Beetle I don't care about, but maybe it'll surprise me. It would have to, because again, that preview was awful. Marvel delays. It's with a heavy heart again. Marvel delays six MCU movies, Avengers 5 and 6, Fantastic Four, and more release date changes. Avengers 5 and 6. Jesus, really? There was Avengers, there was Age of Ultron, there was Infinity War Endgame, and yeah, I guess, okay, 5 and 6. Okay, is he even gonna be in them? Wasn't he arrested, or he did some wrong doings? Can any of these superheroes actually be semi-decent people in the real world? I guess to be fair, he is a villain in these movies. So maybe that's just par for the course. Marvel Studios Multiverse Saga is going to run a bit longer than planned as several Marvel Cinematic Universe movies in Phase 5 and 6 have gotten new dates. Phase 5 finally kicked off this year as the MCU is getting deeper. Okay, I don't care about the preamble again. Let's just look at what we have. All right, so Deadpool 3 is now slated for November 8, 2024. Oh no, that's what it was. Now it's May, November, December, January, February, March, April, May. So it was pushed back six months. I did the math in a real time for you. Captain America, Brave New World, I assume that's with Anthony Mackie, who's honestly kind of lame. What's supposed to come up May now, July? May, June, July. So that was pushed back two months. Two whole months are gonna have to wait for that movie. Is that a movie or a show? I don't know, I don't know anymore. Thunderbolts, July 26th to now December, July, August, September, October, November, December. So that's five months. These are all getting pushed back less than a year, it seems. Fantastic Four, February to May, February, March, April. Three months. Avengers, the Kang Dynasty. The Kang Dynasty. May 2nd to May 1st. That actually traveled forward in time one day. Oh no, oh my God, it's 2026. It's been pushed back a full fucking year. Full year for the Kang Dynasty, and then Secret Wars is 2027, which is gonna piggyback nicely with Avatar 3. The Way of Waves or whatever that one's gonna be called. Blue Balls of Tomorrow. I wonder how that works with the show. So these are all movies, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven movies. And then we have all the TV shows. I assume Loki season two. Does WandaVision get in something else? Is that still cooking somewhere? What other shows do they have? Moon Knight? Miss Marvel? Two? She-Hulk? Two? She-Hulkier? Well there you go. Oh, MCU scheduling changes. Scheduling changes aren't a bad thing. So now here's Screen Rant just shilling for Disney. Yeah, it's all great. Everything's great. They have a plan, blah, blah, blah. I don't care. What's the takeaway for all of this? And now we're back to me. Now we have a full-figured Adam. Kind of got a tan. If you didn't notice the tan that's rocking, it's because I took surf lessons last week, Monday through Friday. It went pretty horribly the first few days, believe it or not. A guy from Minnesota who's not really touched an ocean until he was 40 isn't the best on a board. The way of water was not the way for me. Oh, I noticed a glitch. Great. We're going to do the glitching thing again with the camera. That's fun. I will say this though. After two days of some heavy waves slapping me around, throwing me, bodying me into the ocean floor. Oh God. What is happening with that? Why is it doing that? I was able to get up on the board on day three and by day four, I was doing the swimming. I was doing the stroking. And I was doing the boarding on my own, even timing the wave and getting up on it. And listen, I'm a tall drink of water. I'm six, three and a half, six, four on a good day. That's a lot of weight to put up on a board. My kids were a lot better on it than I was, but we're a surfer family now. We are a surfer family and I'm excited about it. Not spend the highlight of my life so far. The marriage and the kids second place. Dear God, these glitches are freaking me out. Has anybody seen those? The glitch has been there. Why does it do it? The glitch wasn't doing it done acceptable. Yeah, maybe it's better when I'm in smaller frame. It's just not as aggressive. And we are going to get back in a smaller frame because we have a list prepared now on Letterboxed. You can find me there on Adam Does Movies. Maybe if I don't move as much, it doesn't freak out. So I'm just going to be like still the whole time. Maybe it's a movement. It is a movement thing. I think it has something to do with the autofocus on this dumbass camera. I don't know. Folks, I don't know. Okay, I'm doing my best. We are going to jump into the Letterboxed list that I've put together. I do have a couple caveats. I have a couple things now. This list was prepared very quickly. It's not final. I have a lot to add to it. This is maybe an ongoing project that we're going to work on. If you want to add something to the list, put a super chat out there and I'll see it. If you just comment a movie you want to put on there, you know what? I'll look but I might not tell. I'll look but I might not tell. I might look and I might take the comment and use it and pretend like it was my own. That's where we're at. That's how pathetic we are right now with the super chats. Let's begin the list by quickly bringing up one of the worst offenders as of recent, as of late. Ladies and gentlemen, what we're looking at right now is a sad state of affairs. This is snore or whore, love and dunder or bore, dumb and dumber or whore. I don't know anymore. That's fine. We got enough of them. I gave it two stars. That is being generous because there's some entertainment to be had in this sloppy shit show of a film. Thor Love and Thunder was worse upon a second viewing. I watched it once in theaters. It was very disappointed like a father is with a kid that just doesn't do well in sports. That's not my son out there. Hey, which boy is yours? The black kid who's making all the three pointers. That's my kid. Oh, I thought yours was the sluggish one that's in the back of the court tripping over himself. No, no, no, I don't know that guy. I don't know that kid. Connor? No, I don't know him. I don't remember saying his name was Connor. Okay, okay, let's move on. So Thor Love and Thunder, it's a bad movie. It just, it really is. It's an SNL skit that never ends. Most SNL skits start out as good ideas, but then by the four minute mark, they never seem to know how to end. That's how Thor Love and Thunder was after five minutes. Christian Bale is trying to act. He's very, he reminded me like Tommy Lee Jones from Batman and Robin as Two-Face. Is that the one he was in? Really hamming it up. He is serious, but also kind of just schlocky about it. And then everyone else is in a comedy. It's so bad. Green screened up the ass and not in a, like a tricky way, like Mad Max Fury Road, but just terrible green screen. Like Adam does movies preset green screen from a couple years back. That's where it was at. It's, and I should also point out, the movies on this list are movies that killed any momentum I had for the franchise. This list does that contain movies that destroyed a franchise? Movies continue to come out in some of these film franchises after that said movie. It's just, it ruined it for me. It might have had a good start, but it botched it by the second film or third film or wherever it's at. Let's go to the full list. Up next is another MCU movie and it's Ant-Man and the Wasp Quantum Shidia. I genuinely don't know how anyone likes this film either. Thor, Love and Thunder, I can see the appeal. It's got some funny moments. It's colorful, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Ant-Man and the Wasp is an ugly film full of bad acting, especially from the daughter. I just, I don't know how anyone can defend. What's her name even? What, Catherine Newton is the actress. Who's she playing? Hope or some shit? No, Hope is Bad Haircut, Evangeline Lilly. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It's set in the quantum verse or quantum realm. So we have a multiverse and we have a quantum realm. We have a new villain who's very kind of laissez-faire. It's the bad guy from Creed III, Jonathan Majors. And it's a Majors Disappointment. It's another one of those movies that undercuts any drama for laughs. It doesn't have any stakes at all. They beat the villain by herding together ants around him. Nothing screams big bad villain for phase six like a guy who gets taken down by some ants. And then in the final moment, when I finally think they have the cojones to do something of substance by sending Ant-Man's daughter back with his family and he's left behind trapped in the quantum realm. I'm like, oh man, are they getting rid of him? Did he just sacrifice himself? And nope, just kidding. And they pulled him into. What a terrible film. I just can't with this. It's made for kids. But kids that haven't seen a lot of movies, kids that like Space Jam 2, A New Legacy, those are the kids that will like Ant-Man and the Wasp Quantum Shittia. And I won't knock them for it. My nephew, like Space Jam 2, we watched it at the house when it came out on HBO Max, when it was called HBO Max. My kids fucking hated that movie and they're like, uh, uh. And I could see in my little nephew's eyes the joy, the wonder of seeing LeBron James playing with Bugs Bunny, doing a bunch of garbage. And I wasn't going to take that from him. I might be an asshole on camera, but I'm certainly respectful to people's thoughts and opinions even if they're terrible. And so I was like, what'd you think of the movie? And he said it was great. I was like, yeah. Cool, cool beans. And as soon as he left, I was like, what an idiot. You can't hang out with him anymore. Joking. But yeah, this movie's terrible. Jurassic World Fallen Franchise. By the time Jurassic World Dominion came out, I had already lost all favor with this film franchise. And I'm separating world from the Jurassic Park Trilogy. Jurassic Park Trilogy is garbage too. You have Jurassic Park One, which is my favorite movie of all time, Full Stop. For a bunch of reasons I've already gone into. Jurassic Park Lost World. Some people really like it. They like the darker vibes. I guess they like the gymnast kicking a raptor out the window. Bullshit. I didn't care for a lot of it, but it's still a watchable, serviceable movie. Jurassic Park Three is completely stupid. Schlocky. It's got a raptor that says Alan. Lot of bad in that film. I actually prefer Jurassic Park Three Overlost World. I get crap for it, but it's a half hour shorter. And that's where I'm at with the franchise. I only watch because I like dinosaurs. That's an easy sell for me. Jan Rose. In the mix, Love When She Gives a Super Chat, $5 says, I hate Thor, Love and Thunder. I can never say this guy's name. Taika Waititi has taken Thor too far. And overall having too much comedy, it's just a joke of itself. You are absolutely correct. Ragnarok, and I really hated this. I hated this so much on the internet. Those damn internet kids saying, you all asked for this when you liked Thor Ragnarok, when you championed Thor Ragnarok, we absolutely did not. Jojo Rabbit, which I would come to have watched, not too long back, thanks to a suggestion from my buddy Matt, was fantastic. And I honestly could not believe that was the same dude that was responsible for Thor, Love and Thunder. Or even Thor Ragnarok, because these movies are witty. They're clever. They have style, substance. They have good framing. They have good visuals. They have good energy. Thor, Love and Thunder felt like they shot it in three days during a COVID thing or something. It just, it felt so cheap and so it lacked chemistry, it lacked passion, it lacked energy, it lacked all the good stuff from those other films. It's remarkable how bad it is. And it's truly remarkable how bad Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom is. Jurassic World, it was in that same place as Star Wars of Force Awakens, right? You reset everything to square one, meaning you completely duplicate the previous movie's success and repackage it. So, Jurassic World is basically Jurassic Park again, a dumb man's version of Jurassic Park. You have lame or new characters. You have lame or CG, even though it's vastly improved, it somehow looks worse than the original Jurassic Park because they're not mixing in animatronics enough. They're not using good shadows and lighting. So it's just overall a glossy, shiny, pretty-looking film that's pretty soulless inside. And ironically, it straight-up says it is. At one point, one of the characters is like, hey, remember the original Jurassic Park? How great that was? And he throws the cup in the garbage. Kind of a weird... Kind of a weird self-own, I guess, but it knows what it is. And it did it well enough where I thought, all right, we're back in the mix. We got a new crew. We can really build upon this. And then boom, Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom absolute stupidity all around. It takes some of the dumb stuff from Lost World and just magnifies it. Oh, we have another island escape. We have to save some of the dumb animals. Boom. Now we're, for some reason, in a millionaire's mansion or a billionaire's mansion who houses T-Rexes and other dinosaurs down below, is T-Rexes the plural of T-Rex or is it just T-Rex? T-Rexe? He houses multiple T-Rex down below. And then for some reason, there's a clone subplot where the girl's like, I'm a clone. I'm like the dinosaurs. Oh, it just does his steel-eyed look. And she pushes the button and no one's like, wait, wait. I got to make sure that I can hold off these dinosaurs. For some reason, sometimes I have a southern draw and the clone girl's like, so shouldn't I do it? And other lady, Titty McGee, Bryce Dallas Howard. I just remember she has really big boobs in this movie. That was her real only contribution in this one. In the first film, she's a total bitch. She's like, dinosaurs are profit machines. They don't have feelings. I'm about making money. I don't care about my sister's kids or anything. I just want money. In the second movie, she's like, we have to save all the dinosaurs. We have to save all of them. So yes, push the button, let the dinosaurs go free. When did this character change so much off camera? Preposterous. The whole movie's dumb as shit. Moving on. Oh my God. Oh my God. Skating. Amen. Amen. Amen. Burning. Amen. Amen. Amen. We have what we have here. I got to take a drink. I feel like when Keanu Reeves went to Lana Wachowski for this fourth movie, he was like, so he's saying for this movie, I can dodge acting. And Lana was like, no, Neo, I'm saying when we make this movie, you won't have to act at all because you are going to be such a sad sack shell of your former self. All you're really gonna have to do and it shows it right there on the art or on the artwork cover. He's just holding his hands. This is basically Keanu Reeves in the new Matrix movie, which I refuse to acknowledge exists. I hate this movie so freaking much. I legitimately hate this with all every being in my, every fiber of my being. I can't even talk right. It just makes me so angry. I remember having a Matrix marathon with both of my kids separately. We have two years apart. My daughter and I had burritos every day for three days straight and we watched a Matrix movie. It was phenomenal. My son and I did something similar. We might have had pizza. I might have mixed it up with a bacon cheeseburger. It was always a lunch time movie for us. God, they were good. The first Matrix blew both of them away. The same that it did for me when I saw it in theaters three times. The second movie, they loved even more because they didn't have the expectation. They didn't have the waiting game like we did. All those years in between for something just as amazing. Reloaded kicks ass. I'm now at the point where that movie is fun as fuck and I won't hear another word about it. Yeah, it's back shit insane with some of the plot and all the allegories and metaphors and symbolism and spiritualism. That's fine. I'm just here for more. I'm just here for Trinity driving headlong against traffic on a motorcycle with a super skin tight sexy leather outfit and the key maker behind her. While agents are approaching jumping from car to car smashing things to pieces only to end up panning backwards to see Morpheus on top of a semi-truck holding the katana and an oozy. Are you kidding me with this? There is nothing even remotely close to that in the Matrix resurrections. This thing is such a pathetic pile of ass and even going back to revolutions yeah that's easily the worst. I don't think anyone argues that point that revolutions is a big step down from the other two. I kind of dug it the last time I watched. Once I put my expectations in check and knew what I was in for I found there to be some pretty compelling stuff at the end of the day. I like the yin yang thing with with neo and agent Smith how they have to balance each other out. I really liked the um some of the you know the recreations of scenes such as the the weird underground action gunfoo sequence where Trinidad does a flip over one of those turnstiles and Morpheus just goes through it. Little shots like that make this movie special and then of course the final 20 or so minutes where neo goes up against agent Smith Mr. Anderson in the rain we've missed you. Agent Smith is one of the greatest movie villains of all time to see what they did to him in this movie turning him into an agent Chad having Morpheus be some flamboyant guy full of pageantry and and I don't even know what the hell they were doing and the most egregious thing was pretending the matrix or not pretend I'm sorry rebooting the matrix as a game within the fake simulation so there was the video game the matrix that neo was working on but they would show screenshots not screenshots they would show full motion video from the previous movies in the background not as video game graphics but as the actual scenes from the first movie how dumb does this movie think the audience is what is the point even of that I'm glad Laurence Fishburne didn't come back he dodged a bullet maybe he's was the true one all along this I just I got no words anymore if you want to hear my full complete rant bitch fest on the matrix resurrections I have two videos on it I have a spoiler review I have a spoiler free review they're both full of passion and bitter bitter anger we have too many movies to get through too many movies to get through avatar the way of water I don't know what this sits at on rotten tomatoes or IMDB I would imagine it's in the high 80s 80% or higher on rotten tomatoes I would imagine IMDB has it probably around a seven which is high for IMDB all I know is this I went into avatar the way of the water as a massive James Cameron fan I had no agenda to go out and hate this film afterwards I have said this several times I'll say it again I did a 18 or so minute mini documentary on James Cameron for screen rant it's up on their channel how avatar changed the world it's called but it's mainly just a love letter to James Cameron I talk about the abyss I go into detail about terminator one and two I talk about true lies I go through alien two all the way up into avatar and how much this guy has done for big blockbuster cinema which is my favorite type or at least it used to be it seems like that's kind of failing lately the man is a visionary he helps develop state-of-the-art cameras but he's also a deep sea explorer his real passion his real heart is in the sea titanic style he wants to explore the ocean and he knows the only way to do this is to put out movies to fund his expeditions he has said that in several interviews the ocean comes first filmmaking second that's fine and dandy but screenwriting should probably come first because the story of avatar the way of water was so tone-deaf so beyond the pale of logic and reason I could not get on board from basically the onset the fact that jake sully is willing to leave the tree tribe the knobby tribe that lives in the trees and go live with the ocean people at the drop of a hat and pull his family with and for a movie that's three hours long to only spend a few minutes with the goodbye ritual like oh they cut my chest and they're like fuck off and I left asinine complete asinine they spent an entire first movie having him get enriched in that culture becoming one with that knobby tribe learning how to sync up with the creatures how to perform the different rituals to just have him bust out blow out a dodge with with the wife and the 35 kids they have now that all suck and for some reason speak bro language like they're playing a round of call of duty meanwhile the call of duty bros from the first film are all back resurrection style cloned out of some tubes they had in space outside of the planet then they drop them in and they have a boy from fucking jungle book mogley or mogley or whatever hopping around like a dumbass pointing where they need to go and for some reason they don't bomb the crap out of the knobby in the trees even though they still think jake is there even if jake was gone why would they not destroy the knobby that's like their number one goal these people have given them nothing but headaches oh my god i can't with this movie i i can't with this movie listen i hated it if you liked it that's great visually it's it's very pleasing there's some good national geographic style stuff going on with wales before they're they're slaughtered and used for de-aging potion or something i i i can't we have to we have to move on from this avatar the way of the water has killed any excitement i've had for avatar moving forward bear in mind you bear in stain bear in mind you there was a baron steen bear whatever bear it is i still love that ride at at disney at uh animal kingdom that avatar ride where you're flying through shit going through the water it's remarkable there really is a beautiful world there it's too bad that it was ignored in the sequel and instead of we just play in the water for three hours next up oh i'm sorry did i miss a super chat here i did let me back up make sure i didn't miss any more brian badden with a gorgeous five dollar super chat and then i mean i i had a cock in my throat sorry let me drink some coke brian badden says it's a good name and he's got an autobot symbol which i like i skipped creed three super mario brothers the dnd of the dnd fleck like i said the dnd the dungeons of dragons guardians of the galaxy three and john wick four but sa transformers day one am i a terrible person i mean you have the insignia so i guess it's on brand did you love or like transformers whatever this one's called rise of the beasts i found it to be serviceable at best and insulting at worst but not outright terrible i hope you enjoyed it and no it doesn't make you a bad person although i will say dungeons and dragons was quite a bit better than i was expecting i thought we were going to get a thor love and thunder from that but it was closer to a thor ragnarok not quite there but it had some really good stuff in it that i liked very fun movie for the whole fam what else didn't you see john wick four john wick four i like john wick four i didn't love john wick four like a lot of people super mario brothers was a solid flick i i it gave me exactly what i wanted crate three was a solid flick there's some weird anime inspired stuff in there that kind of ruins some of the momentum otherwise it's great guardians of the galaxy three if you like the first two you owe it to yourself to finish because guardians of the galaxy three was a treasure Percy Jackson sea of monsters let me see someone's yeah that's what i thought okay outside of the fact that alexandria didario is in this hopefully she's of age when this came out i don't know i know she is now so i'm going to picture her now back in this outside of her being in this and being a complete treat it's got logan lerman who sucks in everything because he always keeps his mouth open all the time 24 7 365 i imagine logan lerman just wandering around the streets of california like this hey how you guys doing i'm logan lerman this is how i breathe i can't breathe through my nose i i'm a mouth breather i can't shut your mouth close your mouth i think he's in fury too and his mouth has opened the entire time but that's not the reason percy jackson sea of monsters on here i thought we had the opportunity to have another harry potter situation sure percy jackson the first the lightning thief was okay at best had some bizarre choices with things but the books are a little bit you know harry potter light to be fair this one was the one that was supposed to take it up a notch really turn the pages really start to wow people but instead it took like three steps back the effects were even worse they for some reason had like a follow boy song right away light them up while they're doing a training montage i don't know if that's the song but it's something like that and i just couldn't finish the movie i don't even know if they finished the franchise they might have made one more and it bombed and then they just walked away as well as they should have and i know percy jackson in the sea of monsters is getting a and i really hate to say this out loud a disney plus series yeah it's gonna disney plus series and that scares the louis and hell out of me here we go 1983 by the way what i looked at before is christopher columbus directed the first percy jackson movie he also directed the first two harry potter movies got those off the ground so i really think they were trying to recapture that magic columbus didn't come back for the second percy jackson just that was what i was looking at when i said that's what i thought okay superman 3 or as it should be referred to as richard prior featuring superman the movie this is a train wreck superman 4 the quest for ass i think it's called the quest for peace that always gets a hard time and believe me it deserves it it's really really bad this movie's no better this movie's half a superman movie i think this is this the one where superman fights his evil version in the one decent scene in the whole film that lasts for maybe five minutes total just because you shove in one decent part in an otherwise trash movie doesn't make it good priors shenanigans are throughout this thing there is a good 20 minutes where superman's just idly standing by and we see richard prior skiing down a hill through clothes lines and i love richard prior but not in a superman movie not in a superman movie bubba with a 499 super chat i saw the lightning thief then read the book after this is aragon level bad book to movie the books are so good how could they make such bad films yeah i i have not seen aragon the film because i was warned by several people it was terrible and i hadn't even read the aragon book yet i have since read the four books or is it five i think there's four four books in the inheritance cycle i'm currently rereading the second one right now with my son connor they're phenomenal books i have no desire to ever watch that aragon movie but i think i've also read at some point that aragon is also going to be a series and that scares the shit out of me but superman 3 is hot trash one good little section what what what what's sucks even more is christopher reeve is at his prime here he's at his peak he's at his largest and he is doing a good job with the acting performance they're like i said there's some good stuff in here but the overall is really pretty bad really pretty bad kind of a doesn't really work in a sentence all right you know what else doesn't work wonder woman 1980 holy shit this was a horrible movie this movie came out during the height of covid and i wish i had died of covid rather than sit through this thing was that a bit aggressive yeah i think so but that's kind of what you have to do on the internet gal Gadot proving in this movie more than anything else that she really can't act she is very pretty to look at but man she can't act also the least of the movie's problems the script here is nightmare fuel it's embarrassing what's going on let's see what they put for a synopsis even a botched store robbery places wonder woman in a global battle against a powerful mysterious ancient force that puts her powers in jeopardy i guess Pedro Pascal kind of plays a version of trump right just this sleazy business dude and he has a really bad toupee on gal Gadot conjures up she uses a wish on a monkey paw to bring back her dead boyfriend who body snatches someone else it's invasion of the body snatchers the dude there's this guy that she meets early on in the movie and the camera does the thing where pan's over and he's suddenly crisp pine again whatever that guy's name is from the first wonder woman movie doesn't matter and i was spending most of the movie thinking what happened to the dude that was originally in the body he still looks like that to everyone else but to gal Gadot to Diana he looks like chris pines character so where the fuck is the other dude apparently he was in some sort of a void some his own personal hell he or he ceased to exist altogether she's essentially raping the corpse of a guy that's i mean that he's unwilling now he probably would be willing if he knew it was gal Gadot but at this time he has no idea his body is being used for her personal playground it's completely asinine it's insane not to mention the action scenes are cringy as shit she doesn't use her sword ever in this one she's you know she's golden lassoing of truth all throughout this thing swinging off of nothing in the sky there's a moment when she swings between two trucks saves some kids and then slams down on them on the road and just rolls across the ground i'm just thinking dead dead dead those kids are dead they were better off getting hit by a car than being steamrolled by gal Gadot i know the woman weighs 85 pounds soaking wet but still they're coming in hot they're hitting that pavement hard they were going for something they were going for an 80s vibe obviously that was the motif they were going for the more colorful ragnarok look it clashed so badly with the previous Wonder Woman movie that is like universally praised even it's even its worst criticism say it's still all right but this one i don't know anybody that likes Wonder Woman 84 not a single one da na na na na na na na na na na na na na terrible Jaws 3D let me be frank you can be you can be jonathan Jaws 2 isn't good but it's not outright terrible what does he say at the end what does Brody say at the end in the first one he has the iconic smile you son of a bitch and he blows the shark up in the second one he's he's like laying out amongst the debris and the new Jaws is coming at him and he's got the cable i think and he says something like smile say i think it's something it's something just as cringy as that i have to see that again to know i swear he says say ah not quite as cool Jaws 3D has nothing going for it it takes place in the seaworld park there's a baby Jaws and a mommy Jaden and it just floats at the camera for what feels like an eternity there's a red outline around it that's just incredibly obnoxious so if you don't have those cardboard 3d glasses on hand it's gonna look really terrible the Jaws shark itself somehow looks worse than ever before the budget seems sliced in half i don't know who Joe Elves is what does this guy done Joe Elves who was this guy directed before one movie is this is this real perhaps best known on his work on three of the Jaws films he directed Jaws 3D oh he's a production designer okay so this was like his one shot his one opportunity and he missed his chance in blue okay here's a controversial one if Tony from Hack the Movies is still here he will appreciate me putting this on the list Ghostbusters Afterlife directed by Jason Reitman the son of uh daddy Reitman elven Reitman that doesn't sound right Ivan Reitman Ivan Reitman's son uh Jason really wanted to take over take after his dad and make another classic Ghostbusters movie that's full of no laughs full of no charm full of no witty dialogue but a whole lot of stranger things two point dough bullshit people seem to love Ghostbusters Afterlife I watched this movie thinking why this is such a nostalgic pile of ass the rules of the first two movies don't even make sense in this one why is the Staypuff Marshmallow Man popping up in a Walmart in little baby forms when Paul Rudd's character doesn't even know the context of this in the first movie it made sense it was it was wonderfully deliciously evil and cute at the same time when Stance thinks about the the like happiest thing he can the least threatening thing instead they get this giant Godzilla style Staypuff Marshmallow Man who's terrorizing downtown brilliant movie lightning in a bottle as they say and I like Ghostbusters too I know I'm in the minority there I know it's not near as good as the first but I I appreciate the cast being back even though it is definitely a step down from the first there's enough there for me to enjoy now some people will say Adam this isn't even the third Ghostbusters movie there's also a video game which is technically Ghostbusters 3 which I believe is loosely based on the whole Ghostbusters Go to Hell idea that they had floating around which was initially you know something that they were going to make but then Bill Murray wouldn't do because Bill Murray I guess hated Ghostbusters 2 and wouldn't do another one they then repurposed that idea for Bill and Ted to Bill and Ted's bogus journey that's why they end up in hell but that was supposed to be the Ghostbusters thing then we of course had the Ghostbusters all female cast full of strong female leads and nobody liked that and so here we are back at Square Dumb with Ghostbusters Afterlife the third installation third installment to the Ghostbusters franchise with with uh uh a Peter Venkman who is a deadbeat grandpa didn't hang out with his family he was a recluse for some reason he didn't communicate with his Ghostbuster allies he was doing weird experiments revolving around Zool and all that shit and then he for some reason went into ghost form and convinced his granddaughter to go to the floorboards to find this and to fetch quest that and to get to the Ghostbusters car so that they could unleash demons upon the earth only to have to stop them again what was the point of any of this it made no sense and then the cash grab nostalgia crap of having the Ghost come back at the end so that everyone in the audience can tear up but not because they loved the character so much and they missed the character because he was so god it pisses me off the movie is built based on the same way that Paul Walker's character is based off in Fast and the Furious 6 or 7 or whatever one he wasn't around for the goodbye on the beach made everyone cry because we lost a person in real life and that's tragic and sad not because we lost the character from the movie the character in Ghostbusters wasn't like this lovey-dovey grandpa type character who was you know hugging insane sage advice and had all these like emotional elements to him he was a weirdo who collected spores and held up twinkies and made little jabs and was a complete nerd so you didn't see him in Ghostbusters afterlife as a ghost and go he's back that's the guy I fell in love with in the first two films no you're sad because an awesome actor died and he showed up again in CG form hate that shit Ghostbusters afterlife Ghostbusters after birth Matt Sclaura with the 999 Super Chat gorgeous Super Chat comes in I remember seeing Jaws 3D in the movies when I was six years old what is your earliest childhood movie memory Ghostbusters afterlife sucked okay what is my earliest childhood movie memory I remember see I just have like I'm I'm I have a I have a really bad memory honestly when it comes to my childhood I remember snapshots of things I remember watching a lot of shit on TV that I probably wasn't supposed to I remember seeing Gremlins on a Christmas night with my cousins and thinking how cool the movie was and I was probably seven maybe six or seven felt really edgy at the time like oh this is really creepy and I remember being creeped out by it I remember watching films like Poltergeist when I was really young I remember watching Robocop with my folks actually and my mom was yelling at my dad saying damn this is not appropriate for the kids to see damn damn it damn she didn't swear but I'm adding it in and so he would just keep saying kids shut your eyes after someone had their legs blown off it's like kids close your eyes yeah dad they're closed excellent excellent movie Robocop I'd buy it for a dollar those were some fun ones I always bring this up and it's one of the reasons Jurassic Park is my favorite movie it is genuinely one of the first movies I remember going to theaters and being completely captivated by fully ensconced in everything that was on the screen getting scared having these wow moments the intensity of the raptors in the kitchen is just dynamite perfection filmmaking I love every minute of that film or I did when I was a kid watching it now obviously not a no movies perfect but that is one that absolutely sticks out when I think of my childhood The Lion King seeing that in the theaters another one seeing my cousin Rebecca just sobbing completely deflated when Simba's dad Mufasa dies and I'm just saying stay in there dude stay in there man trying to hold back those tears how old would I have been was Lion King 91 92 was probably 10 feels like a 92 movie something like that yeah it's such a good film those are some of them that I recall so thank you Matt for I appreciate the 999 let's move on to Home Alone 3 we got a new family got a new team got a new attitude Home Alone 3 is a bad movie that some people like because they were kids when it came out it's older it came out in 97 but there's no Macaulay Culkin here all right there's no cameo by John Candy here or Donald Trump I guess in the sequel and I but Home Alone 2 Lost in New York I think is hands down the best Home Alone movie I know people like the first one better Home Alone 2 goes bigger and better in every single sense of the word it's just a fantastic treat Home Alone and the reason Home Alone 2 and 1 compliment each other so much is because they're the same movie yet in the Home Alone universe it works like such a charm it doesn't feel just like a cheap replication there's a fluidity there there's a little bit of jazz to it we did it again we left him at home again okay how's he gonna get out of this situation now he's in New York now he's got battered traps cooler, stronger, faster, smarter Home Alone 3 is dumber dim-witted ill-timed ill-conceived the jokes don't land the villains aren't funny that's the biggest thing the villains are not funny in this movie and the kid's not funny either he's not charming there's no Kevin McAllister had a sinister vibe to him he had pushback to him that I loved his older brother Buzz just a complete douchebag beat that you little trout sniffer and Kevin would just push right back and say did you hear this he'll call his uncle a cheapskate he'll record him singing in the bathroom Rino guy who can really do the cool jerk and I'll use it later to hilarity to great effect none of that's here there's like a stupid parrot in the movie and an RC car that they can sell it's no talkboy I'll tell you that it's no talkboy and Home Alone was dead from this point on they would go on to make two or three more of these train wrecks three more I believe two of them went to ABC Family as exclusives you went from two amazing Home Alone movies that pulled in massive numbers at the box office to a poultry third film that probably still made decent money to shitting them out on ABC Family how sad and then the sixth one Home Sweet Home Alone on Disney Plus so you know it's ass awful this really should be if I was ranking this list based on genuine movies that were a complete disaster and ruined a franchise the mummy would be number one for several reasons not only did the mummy ruin this mummy franchise mummy one two and three it ruined a universe you might see it every year on twitter the photo of all the actors the a-list stars standing in their photo shoot you got t-cruise on one side you have um oh what the hell is it Russell Crowe on the other side I don't know Johnny Depp's part of this there was a few other key players though there was like five or six of them it's just this sad photo they're in a dark room there's like a chair for some reason really pathetic for the dark universe and this was such an ill-conceived movie from the from the onset and Tom Cruise who genuinely pulls in massive numbers almost every time he's bankable complete miss no Brendan Fraser no interest I think it's women also making the mummy a super sexy villain not a great idea it turns out guys will be turned on by pretty much anything so if that mummy chick is even remotely bonable it's going to lose a lot of its luster as far as a scary movie is concerned I remember seeing that trailer and and and looking at this actress I forgot how you say her name Sophia Nutella I just remember seeing her and going wood how she is in this film wood as for this movie would not I noticed someone mentioned Lion King 2 as trash so was Lion King one and a half well yeah this list isn't counting the straight to DVD or straight to VHS garbage that are known as the disney sequels they all had them Aladdin had two sequels Beauty and the Beast had sequels The Lion King Jungle Book Lilo and Stitch if the movie was profitable it got a shit out sequel that usually didn't have any of the voice actors returning at least not the A-list voice actors writing was ham-fisted the animation took like a huge nosedive these were straight up cash grabs and these are the movies that you would see as exclusives today on disney plus these are the equivalents of what we get the home sweet home alone that would be the Lion King one and a half or whatever it's called Oceans 12 Oceans 11 is a fantastic movie which is of course a remake of The Rat Pack Oceans 11 it was very witty it had some hilarious characters you got Clooney you got Brad Pitt who for some reason is eating in every scene of the film it had just enough for that zaniness to keep you going Matt Damon oh wait Matt Damon was he in the first one I don't know if he's in the oh he's in this one it's those Catherine Zeta Jones they add Don Cheadle was in the first one Bernie Mac this film brings back a lot of them adds some new characters but takes us in a really uninteresting setting which looked like they just wanted to go on vacation and I've heard about this I've read about this before where when stars will get so big they can pick and choose their roles based on destination if they just want to get away to someplace tropical that's why Adam Sandler made a lot of vacation type movies later in his career or I guess in the middle of his career because he wanted to go to nice beautiful locations with hot female actresses and he has every right to do that but the movie sucked nine times out of 10 Oceans 12 sucked Oceans 13 would bring it back a little bit but the damage was already done I don't actually know if I finished Oceans 13 I remember sitting down and watching it a few times and thinking wow this is way better than the last movie but not even having the motivation to continue and I genuinely don't know the setting of which this took place I feel like it was on an HBO or something on cable and I was watching it and then just did something else I'm trying not to be redundant I did a podcast recently where I talked about my five most disappointing movie trilogies movies that had two great starters and lost it in the final act through the final game Blade Trinity was one of them X-Men 3 was one of them Spider-Man 3 was one of them although I have softened on Spider-Man 3 as I said in the podcast over time Alien 3 absolutely on there that movie sucks Tony you can hate me again Tony you can hate me again I know I had you at Ghostbusters Afterlife and now I'm pushing you away with Alien 3 we have to have this relationship where it's just not going to work Blade Trinity blows I have never wanted to watch this movie again and anytime I even have a thought about it like maybe it's not as bad as I remember I just quickly push that aside because I know what is Wesley Snipes barely talks in the thing he has less than 100 speaking lines we have these new characters that take center stage we have Dracula who should have been a badass villain easily the lamest of all three for some reason there's vampiric dogs that unhinges their jaws and their poodles it's a comic it's a joke and then the worst most egregious thing of all of this is Wessler? is it Whistler or Wessler? I think it's Wessler Whistler? shit let me look let's just say the character names in this I don't want to leave the page regardless they go out of their way to save this man in the second movie it's one of the major plot points of Blade 2 which is awesome as hell only to kill him off unceremoniously in the first act of Blade Trinity are you kidding me are you kidding me it's Whistler thank you DJ Whistler Blade Trinity I gotta take a drink for this one Star Wars the Last Jedi it's tough to talk about this one because so many youtube channels have made a living off of bashing on Star Wars the Last Jedi Kathleen Kennedy Kathleen Killity KKK Kathleen Kennedy whatever they call her these days that it just feels like hopping on a bandwagon here's the truth of the matter I actually like movies and I like going to movies and talking about movies and I don't make the same video over and over and over and over and over and over again about Brie Larson's talking and we know these channels we know them here we know them well some of you follow them some of you like them I don't understand why but that's not what this is about I watched Star Wars the Last Jedi in theater day one and I remember walking out of the theater very confused the same exact way I left Star Wars Episode 1 The Phantom Menace I didn't outright hate either of them when I left the theater I didn't outright like them either though and as I was talking with my brothers on the way to the car even and as I got home and it was sitting in me and as I did the review even for the movie it kept festering and more and more shit came out that I hated about this movie and then I did the spoiler review that same exact night and even just going from the review to the spoiler review I was getting more and more angry and more and more annoyed by everything that went wrong with this dumb pile of ass movie Star Wars the Last Jedi is a narrative nightmare I don't care who you are and I've had arguments with people who I absolutely respect their opinion on films Jonathan Paula if you're watching respect who loved the movie who think it's one of the best Star Wars movies and I can only see where they're coming from at one angle and that is if you separate Star Wars the Last Jedi and throw it into its own thing away from the rest of the trilogy or the saga it's all right I still don't think it's great there's still some horrible stuff in here but as a standalone movie it's all right at best but part of this overall thing it's fucking terrible yes visually it's gorgeous so is Avatar The Way of Water Daisy Ridley is great I know people like to shit on her she's a good actress and I do like Rey Mary Soothing is stupid and it doesn't make sense that it's only applied to her when you have when you have so many countless male dominated films that are absolutely Mary Soothes as well John Wick is on the fifth movie He Can't Be Killed it's crazy to say that she's special and perfect in every way so she's labeled this Mary Soothing it's bad writing for sure for absolutely sure but that's not the actress's fault and she does a really damn good job with the emotions now it sounds like I'm defending this movie but I'm not in the slightest I'm giving you a couple of the decent things that I like I like Rey and I like Kylo Ren he is a decent villain who was also written terribly but the actors are solid now here's where I leave the happy stuff also I will defend the throne room battle scene I know the internet loves to pick up how the hand disappears how the blade disappears we're talking about a fantasy film that's highly ridiculous and we've had previous movies that have far, far worse choreography we all know Luke Skywalker's fake ass kick that knocks Boba or knocks Boba Fett or no he's kicking the guy in front and Boba Fett's like in the background but he doesn't even make he doesn't even get close to the guy's face when he kicks him we have a scene from the OG Star Wars that's like a hunting pet adventure between Obi-Wan Kenobi and Darth Vader where they're just like huh we don't even understand this technology right now oh let me do a spin that's a cool trick it's embarrassing we let it slide because it's an old ass movie put to say that the Star Wars movies have always had this superior choreography and it's bonkers the throne room scene is kick ass and watching Daisy Ridley go and she takes out the guy and Kylo Ren throws the saber and it goes through the dude's head that whole section is freaking great and it's the only section of the entire movie that I like we're talking about a four minute section of a clusterfuck of a film we have the Force Awakens which I alluded to earlier with the Jurassic world it's a soft reboot it's basically a new hope all over again a lot of the same playbook a lot of the same beats people knocking for it it's well within their reason to because it is the same movie we can't deny it yes there's new things added on there's new characters there's some new side stories but for the overall it works the same way we have a sand planet we have a secret message we have a new girl who's got force powers and she has to take on the evil emperor and whatever well the emperor's not in it yet but he will be Snoke I guess Snoke is the emperor clone Snoke sorry clone Snoke oh god what a shit show Force Awakens was great it was a solid start not perfect not not like phenomenal but it was a really solid new start to the franchise and it set things in motion and it teased us Luke Skywalker at the end our fan favorite characters back baby we haven't seen him in a million years he's hanging out on a planet ready to train the new Jedi and then where do we start with after cock teasing us for a year this epic wide shot panning around a mountainside as she hands him the saber teary eyed ready to go we open up with ryan johnson's interpretation of the character takes the saber tosses it over his shoulder he's out he's done he's now an old chromogeny hate filled Jedi who wants nothing to do with it because it turns out he felt he felt a disturbance in the force Kylo Ren was getting persuaded to go to the dark side so in an act of stupidity Luke sneaks into his tent at night to like a like a camp counselor who's got some um some bad intuition and he's about to kill Kylo but last night he's like ooh i better not do that not cool dude not cool and that and now we're off to the races the place gets destroyed Luke sits like a hermit crab he's bitter he's drinking milk off the tits of an alien he's spear hunting or whatever he's doing for food his x-wing is laying in shambles and the brambles on the side of an ocean hill I don't know what the hell's going on for some reason there's a butt hole in the island that Rey drops down at one point and she starts doing a performance with herself in the mirrors I'm talking to the Rey in the mirror she has like a slam poetry section skibbop skid-id-bop da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-dat skib-id-id-id-id-id really really bad I don't know what the hell is happening and the plot revolves around a slow-ass moving space chase. That's it. Two and two hours, two plus hours, two and a half, whatever it ends up being, of just these guys slowly moving in space. Da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da. Da-da-da-da-da-da. Da-da-da-da-da. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da. They can't shoot tie fighters out. There's no way for them to hit them with missiles. There's no way to warp ahead of them. Nothing they can do. Poppycock. And then somehow Rose Tico, everyone's favorite, her and, what is it, Finn? They go off to Sonic's Casino World Planet, and that's a whole other bag of ass, where they reenact scenes from Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Oz. No, I'm sorry, that's a good one. They reenact scenes from Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets, where they're running down alleyways and there's little, you know, creature deer, fawn things going after them, and then they save the deer but not the kids. That's the part I love the most. We gotta let these animals go, and there's these poor kids that are working in the stables like, are you coming back for us? No kids, we'll see you later, fuck off. And they take their reindeer aliens and go away. I love that they save the animals and not the kids. That's my favorite part. Broom Boy. So good. Star Wars. By the time the last one came on, I was in it for the lulls. I was like, yeah, sure, bring it back, bring back Emperor Pelpe. I actually called that they were gonna bring it back in my solo review. Towards the end of my solo video, I think it was a solo review. It might have been a solo movie feuds, I'm not sure which one it was. But I said, what are they gonna do next? They're gonna dust off Pelpe's old bones, strap him to a chair, and you're marrying Ed and back to life, and that's what they did. Gosh, this movie. All right, here's a quick one. The Lego Movie 2, the second part. Chris Pratt vehicle. You know, it's funny. Everybody's seen the Lego movie, and everybody really likes it. And somehow no one saw the second movie, except for me. And I don't like it. I went with my kids. For some reason it was kind of a musical the second time with a terrible villain. Tiffany Hadish or Hadish or, I don't know, I'm not Havanish. She's this singing musical character who can transform herself. It had the duplo angle with the kids stuff. There was a drastic world tie in with the dinosaurs. Really a bad follow up. They never made any more of these Lego movies. Ninjago Movie was pretty bad too. All around kind of a disaster for the Lego franchise that started out on such a high note. And I think this is the one that ended it all, right? You had the Lego Batman, which was solid. Everybody likes that movie. And then this was the whimper, the fart in the wind. Miserable, miserable film. Let's move on. Oh God. Ladies and gentlemen, what we have here is maybe the most embarrassing movie franchise ever created, ever. Fantastic Beasts, The Crimes of Grindelwald is a movie so unremarkable I couldn't tell you anything about it, other than Johnny Depp is Jack Frost in this movie. Third film is even worse, believe it or not. I don't even know how it's possible. Because this movie is terrible. The first Fantastic Beasts movie was nothing to write home about. It was kind of like Percy Jackson. We know that there's potential here, even though Newt Scamander is the worst leading character I've ever seen in anything. I don't really understand. What is the appeal of Eddie Redmayne? Can someone answer me his appeal? He was in theory of everything I think it was called. And he was good in that. At least I thought he was good in that when I assumed he was playing a character. But then it turns out that's just Eddie Redmayne. He's always just a fantastic beast. Where am I right now? I don't know. I'm just kind of a bubbling, muffly talking British idiot. Nothing about him worked for me. I don't get it. Maybe he's got some sort of a weird sex appeal to the ladies out there and some of the gentlemen. But for me, he's completely useless as a lead. So what we have to rely on is his buddy, who's a human dude. I can't remember his name because I just don't I don't I don't want to think about Fantastic Beasts ever again. I was very generous to the first film. I thought, okay, it's not great. But it is a Harry Potter. You know, it's in the magical world. We can do something with this. And what they did is they decided, yeah, we shouldn't have gone all in on Newt. We're bringing back a young Dumbledore. And we're going to try to fix this. The plot of this movie is such a smorgasbord of bad ideas mixed together. I know Jack Frost Grindelwald is rising to power in this like Nazi style fashion. For some reason, it ends with the trinkety or Tweety or whatever the hell Twinkie her name is the the flowery cutesy sister. She joins him. It made no sense. There was this weird plot about orphans getting lost at sea. You got the flash Ezra Miller in this, which automatically makes it worse because Ezra Miller also sucks. We have two of the most unlikeable actors in this film folks. And that's enough right there to not watch. Welcome to the Hotel Transylvania. Transformania. Transformania. This, okay. Hotel Transylvania. We're not, we're not talking about high art here. The Hotel Transylvania Trilogy right up there with how to train your dragon as far as I'm concerned. No, no, no. But there are serviceable, fun, colorful, light, good family flicks to watch in Halloween. You don't have a family and you have no reason to watch. You really don't have a reason to watch. It's they're shenanigans. But you have Adam Sandler and his crew got David Spade. You have Selena Gomez for the girls out there and for some reason me I I'm gonna be honest with you. I celebrate Selena Gomez's entire music catalog. I'm a fan. I'm sorry. I just am. My real job is coding by day. Playboy celebrity YouTube movie critic by night. And I like to code to pop music, preferably kind of crappy poppy pop music. And so Selena Gomez fits right in that sweet spot. I'll throw in some Avril once in a while, some Levine. I'll throw in a little bit of B Spears. I'll throw in a lot of Ariana Grande stuff that I don't really have to think about but it's on. So you get a little good Selena Gomez song in there and I'm ready to I'm ready to code. I'm ready to code. This movie sucks. Hotel Transylvania, Transfermania. This went straight to Amazon Prime. They own the rights now and I'm not a conspiracy theorist but here's my theory conspiracy. Adam Sandler's not voicing a Drax in this one. He's out after three movies. Why wouldn't he? Easy-ass paycheck. They show up in their sweatpants. They record for a couple weeks and they're done. My theory is he had a big-ass deal with Netflix at the time and I'm guessing there is a part in that contract that said you cannot make movies for competing streaming services such as Amazon Prime. Amazon got the rights during that time to Hotel Transylvania. They had to make a new one and they said bye to Adam Sandler. So they got another guy to play Drax. He's not quite there. Not a terrible impersonation but I could tell. I could tell. Not the least of this movie's problems though. It's just a really cash-grabby, quick, mediocre affair. Really, really not good at all. Highly recommend not watching it. Yeah, of course. Taylor Swift is in the mix as well. Yes, thank you. We are getting closer to the end. Zoolander 2 is... how many negatives can I say in a video? I'm a huge fan of Zoolander. It's one of my favorite comedies. It's probably in the top 10, top 20 somewhere. You have one man and five syllables. Dare, Rick, Zoo, Lander. Finally getting a sequel after all these years and he went full retard to quote Tropic Thunder, another freaking hilarious film. Never go full retard. There is not a sane person in the movie and all the insane people are ratcheted up to the tenth degree and it doesn't work. The jokes are old. It starts out with Billy Zane delivering a Netflix movie like a DVD to his door and nobody was even using ordered DVDs from Netflix any of it. And I think Ben Stiller has gone on record multiple times saying that he knows this movie's a disaster or at least he knows that people didn't like it. Will Ferrell's back is Mugatu. He's broken out of prison. He has this ridiculous prison body suit. I really, it's so unremarkable like one of the next movies on this list that I couldn't even tell you a thing about it anymore. Nothing, nothing added up and nothing really stuck. I remember his school for kids that can't learn to read good broke because he used actual toothpicks to hold it up because that's something they used in the model. Even on that level, it's so fucking dumb because building a giant building for kids to read in would require construction workers and they're not going to use giant toothpicks unless Derek built the thing himself. So I have to have plausibility even in implausible films. That in a nutshell encapsulates my issues with Zoolander 2. There's nothing normal inside of this anymore. The first film had crazy stuff inside of a real world. This movie has crazy stuff inside of a crazy world. Dumb and Dumber 2. I was waiting a long time for Dumb and Dumber 2. The most clever thing about this movie is the title because they spelled two wrong. The worst movie trailer I've ever seen in my life came out quite a long time after Dumb and Dumber 2 and it was for the prequel to Dumb and Dumber. I don't remember what it was called. Dumb and Dumber. I think it's called Dumb and Dumber. It was a prequel about Harry and Lloyd when they were in college but in the movie in the trailer it showed the black screen and the white lettering that said dumb and then it just it gave you the definition and then it said Dumber and gave you the description and at that time we didn't have the internet or any way to know what this was gonna be so by all reasonable purposes you thought oh my god they did it they made a sequel to Dumb and Dumber seven or eight years after the first or however many years had gone by but no it was that stupid prequel so I had to wait all of these years plus that teaser to that other movie to get this monstrosity. I can't even think of a single funny part of the movie. Lloyd and Harry are very mean-spirited in this one not that they were gentlemen in the first but they had a lovable oaf quality to them even when they were doing bad things that it still still felt like okay you know like giving a bird to a blind kid that's dead and they taped the head on obviously not a good Samaritan thing to do yet the way they acted and the way that they somehow presented the scenario worked out in this one it's gross sir the jokes don't time out right and I mean it doesn't help that they've aged up a lot it's just overall just kind of a sad state of affairs oh someone upset I said the full retard I was quoting the movie was quoting the movie I don't use the word freely I apologize if I offended someone glass 2019 this is how you ruin a beloved franchise that spanned a couple decades the third and final installment to the unbreakable saga you had unbreakable with Bruce Willis a cult classic I'm not gonna lie I was never a huge fan of unbreakable I liked the concepts behind it I love the mr. glass character I like the idea of an every man getting stronger putting pink cans and everything you could find on the bench but he never really did anything of substance with his powers and his abilities and no I wasn't expecting him to Superman around the town it just felt half-assed in its approach it felt like half of a movie and I wanted the rest of that story to be told little did I know that M night had it in its head the whole time that we would eventually finish this story then we get split a brilliant James Mc how do you say that McAvoy James McAvoy flick where he plays multiple characters you have that other chicken there that I absolutely love Anya Taylor joy and it's all kind of just set inside of this building this old dilapidated building and you have a couple a couple girls that he kidnaps it's a raw gritty flick and the big twist reveal in this movie was that it was set in the unbreakable universe a lot of people would have even understood this twist it would have been nothing to them I saw it with Lindsay my wife and she didn't really understand she's like oh Bruce Willis is there I'm like shut up you don't know anything that's not Bruce that's Bruce Willis from unbreakable why are we even together and then you have this ass I'm sorry oh no I was right ass I don't even know how you can make something so anti-climatic I couldn't make I couldn't write anything more depressing if I tried not depressing as in sad or somber depressing as in I just it's such a disappointment to have the main character go out by drowning in a puddle what why I just it just it just makes me sad you had this talent here the whole time and you squandered it most of the film is this them in a room talking about their feelings and you're just waiting for anything to happen and it takes an eternity for us to get to the final climax and once we get there there's no climax at least not from the audience this is another one that was on my most disappointed trilogies list terminator three rise of the machines it's a comedy it's a character of itself it's played for laughs for the most part they take cheap shots at the previous movies Arnold looks very half-assed in it he even admitted that he did this entirely for the paycheck which was about 30 million dollars plus he got royalties on the movies profits so he probably he netted 30 million on top of another 20 bucks or whatever this thing ended up making I'm sure it did fine actually this is another example of not putting a super hot model as the villain unless the movie calls for a hot model as a villain as some sort of a catch-all idea but she was not threatening she wasn't scary she was just she was good looking it doesn't work for for a terminator movie I'm sorry it doesn't I don't know what they were thinking with this the tx or whatever the hell it was called the only saving grace it has was the final act which everybody points out the movie's great that ending yeah the ending okay you have you have one minute you know what else had a great ending saw had a freaking great ending that doesn't make the whole movie was brilliant or this amazing film no saw went from a d to a c plus because of the great ending terminator three goes from a d to a c minus because of the great ending x-men the last stand another one that was on my disappointed trilogy list I've talked about this movie an endless amount of time you can see multiple videos on it I don't like this film it's another one that I can watch the same way I watch any of the Jurassic Park or Jurassic World movies or Transformers movies outside of some of them are like three hours long I like the x-men I like a lot of the actors that play these characters but this is a very very disappointing final act to the original trilogy that inevitably would be kind of getting a soft reboot in x-men days of future past a brilliant follow-up that fixes this movie and kind of wipes it out really a multiverse sort of situation before the MCU ruined that whole idea uh speaking of x-men then we have x-men apaca shit you know what I looked this up and I thought it was called x-men the age of apocalypse and I kept searching for it on letterbox and it just came up x-men apocalypse did they do a rebrand at some point wasn't this originally age of apocalypse regardless days of future past was like x-men you know x-men 2 again it redid everything made it all feel nice and new again we introduced the the younger versions of the characters with the newer ones and then we do this and completely ruin everything apocalypse is such a ugly looking film there's cg shout out everywhere stuff is flying and blowing up every which way one of the few good things is siloq is super smoking hot but outside of that what are we doing here why are we watching this apocalypse wasn't threatening at all and I like oscar isic but not for this not like this not like this and last but maybe least is alien 3 directed by david fincher I don't think any man would ever want to have a name removed from something as much as david fincher wants his erase from alien 3 or alien cubed is the little 3 to cubed after escaping with newton hicks from the alien planet ripply ripply crash lands on florena 161 a prison planet and host to a correctional facility unfortunately here we go although newton hicks do not survive the crash a more unwelcome visitor does the prison does not allow weapons of any kind oh that's so sad even in the synopsis here they say hey newton hicks survived not all was lost in aliens oh all was all was lost and an alien survived and and ripply's gonna die now I don't it's the last jedi all over again with this when you take the previous movie ideas concepts the things that it's built up and you throw it out the window and say no we can do it better we can do it better going this direction now you got this and then the final movie has to somehow bring it together and that rarely works out that rarely works out I remember the old prince of persia games the cool ones for like the game cube and the ps3 i think ps xbox g gritty they had god smack plane felt like a completely different experience not a great one and then they tried to marry the two with the two thrones or whatever the last game was called to a bit of a amalgamation of ideas and concepts that didn't quite work they didn't quite mesh alien and aliens almost diverge kind of like that but they diverge in a healthy manner where they're still parallel to each other they take the good ideas from the first film marry them with the more action heavy sci-fi look at the second one and then that should have been a complete package with three but instead it goes completely off the sides of the planet this ugly prison planet it's a terrible setting it doesn't have it has atmosphere i will say it has atmosphere but it's it's not good atmosphere a lot of browns and steams and sweaty people bald people not a lot of pleasant things to look at it's an unpleasant film that's what alien three is it's an unpleasant film and this was an unpleasant list a lot of sadness here a lot of a lot of ugly oh my god it's 1224 we've been talking for a long time wow did i miss any that you guys you know things should be on the list did i disappoint with the list i would love to know feel free to throw any super chats in at the end if you had a good time if you enjoyed this it was uh there's a lot to get through there's a lot to get through i apologize again if i upset someone with my quote earlier from tropic thunder i was i was genuinely just quoting the movie wait maybe because it was ben stiller i felt appropriate but i understand if you never want to see me again i understand won't be the first time tomb raider the new one uh otherwise let's see here what's coming up on the agenda short for agenda before we wrap up i'll let you have a little bit of time to maybe throw in a super chat or two otherwise let me tell you what's coming up very quickly patreon list so if you haven't noticed i knocked out three movie requests this week we did wind river we did tucker and dale versus evil and we did zulu knocked him out this week three three for me three for you i'm gonna try to do three next week as well so we have gregory coburn with three idiots i've never even heard of this movie i'm not gonna lie mint salad with mall rats her second pick in the kevin james universe whatever they call that there's a there's a term for the kevin james universe and then matt sclaro with cats that's gonna be a fun one those are all next week and then we have well one two three four five six and we got like eight more after that so i'm i'm keeping up i'm starting to get ahead i think it's going to be a good time outside of those i also have a review coming out for kung fu hustle that i did just willy nilly actually reviewed it last week that's what i'm editing for this week still i have a cringe video that i've already shot that i have to edit for patreon and youtube join members at the ten dollar membership and hire uh i have a cringes back announcement video i still have to edit these things are all shot already i'm just behind i gotta get ahead that surf lesson really screwed up my my mojo gotta get it back and uh yeah we will we will oh my god and then and then friday we have two or three big movies coming out we got the flash which i will be reviewing we have elemental which i will be reviewing and i think there's a black comedy that's coming out my wife texted me and said i had to go to three movies she was like yelling at me to go to three movies like okay if i have to let me see what it was called the blackening i don't even know what that is but i guess that's out this week too so i'm gonna try to get i'm gonna try to do a triple feature which i've never actually done before i've done a couple double features one specifically i remember seeing was um forest gump and i actually shouldn't say specific because i'm mixing up a couple i think i saw forest gump and the and the the shadow or was forest gump and mortal combat annihilation did those come out the same year it was either forest gump mortal combat annihilation or forest gump in the shadow that's a really weird back to back to go to i remember my dad not being too impressed with our pick regardless that's how it went um okay so yeah a lot of stuff coming up the next live will be friday of this week at 10 30 p.m otherwise i think i think that's it i'm going to bed it's late we have we have work tomorrow so thank you guys very much for watching and i will see you hopefully friday night