 All right. Let's see, let's go swim in, let's go swim in. Okay, here we go, question. Kimberly says, question. I met an interesting guy, two fund-aids later, we both agreed to go on more, but Jonathan, he is so shy and a bit beat up after his divorce four years ago. How can I help him gain trust? How can I help him gain trust? So, it's not your job to gain, to help someone else gain trust, okay? It's not your job to help them gain trust. Your job is to show up vulnerable, authentic, transparent. I'm gonna repeat that, vulnerable, authentic, and transparent. Your job is also to show up as an emotional grown-up, to show up as an emotional grown-up. Let me give you an example what an emotional grown-up looks like. First off, your actions consistently match your words. Your actions consistently match your words. I gotta tell you something, ladies. I'm a single man out there dating, and I can't tell you how many women are absolutely flaky in the dating process. They start a conversation with you on Bumble, and then they disappear. I think it's because they're listening to this stupid advice of playing games and trickery that's causing genuine, emotionally healthy men like myself to run away, to run away from those dysfunctional women because their actions aren't matching their words. So number one, actions matching words. Number two, they have victor consciousness and not victim consciousness. In other words, they take personal responsibility for their choices. They take personal responsibility for their choices. And folks, I see this frequently, and again, I'm speaking as a man talking to women. I don't know how many women, when it comes to the ending of every relationship they ever had, it's the guy's fault, it's the guy's fault, it's the guy's fault. Folks, do you see the finger I'm pointing? There's three fingers pointing back. If we don't take personal responsibility for our part in the ending of a relationship, then you're not actually in victor consciousness, you're in victim consciousness, you're blaming others. And I gotta tell you, human beings here in the United States are suckling on the nipple of victim consciousness. I mean, we are barraged by victims here that choose to blame others. Now look, I can understand some of you have had experiences with narcissists, some of you had experiences with cheaters, some of you had experience with liars. I get it. And at the same time, you have to look at your role into the ending of a relationship and nothing screams victim when you're pointing the finger at everybody else except yourself. So very sexy thing, lead by being a victor and not victim consciousness. Number three, learning how to fight fair, fight fair. What I mean to say is you listen to the other, by the way, every relationship is gonna have conflict and disagreements. What's most important is you listen to your partner's point of view. You validate their point of view as being true for them. You then express your point of view and allow them to validate your point of view and if you have differences, it's still acknowledging that their point of view is right for them. You can have a different point of view. It's okay to disagree, agree to disagree. Unfortunately, most people would rather be right than happy. Most people would rather, and they are basically, they're all focused on being right. And by the way, if you want a healthy, happy relationship and you wanna gain trust with someone, it's not about being right. It's about finding solutions to your problems. Solution to your problems, not about defending your position and we are suckling on that nipple big time. Number four is empathy. Now, empathy isn't just I can feel your feelings. Empathy is I genuinely care about your feelings and more importantly, I care about my own feelings. Do you know what? Most human beings suffer in silence because they rather be people pleasers than pleasing themselves. And one of the fundamental principles coming back to my book, what the heck is self love anyway? What the heck is self love anyway? By the way, the link's below to all the books is the idea of the oxygen mask, okay? First, we can't give love to others until we give love to ourselves. So when the flight attendant says, in the case of cabin pressure change, if you're traveling, the oxygen mask will be dropped from the ceiling and if you're traveling small children, put the mask on yourself first. Folks, we have to learn to be empathetic to ourselves and you're talking to a person who continually beats themselves up emotionally and it takes a lot of work to love myself. This is why my podcast is called the what would love do podcast. And one of the fundamental principles love is forgiveness, forgiveness, forgiving love. Forgiving love. If you're not familiar with the Hawaiian forgiveness verb, it's known as the hapono, pono, pono, pono, pono. And it goes like this. I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you. I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you. I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you. Like giving yourself a shot of B12, you're giving yourself a shot of L12 or love because if we start to forgive ourselves and we can have, again, empathy for ourselves, empathy for others, that's a great sign of emotional maturity. Number five is transparency, transparency. And what I mean by transparency, if it's material to the relationship, it's time to speak up. None of this shit hiding shit from each other. By the way, I was in a relationship and I hid my feelings continually. And guess what happened? Stuck it under the rug, stuffed it under the rug, stuffed it under the rug. It was the elephant in the room the entire time. Ladies, coming back to my book, chapter one, speak your truth, do it with kindness. You oftentimes are afraid to speak up for fear of losing a guy. And I'm here to say you only lose the wrong guy because if you're sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. That's chapter nine in my book, by the way. If it's sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. So I invite you all to show up emotionally mature and lead by example. Now, does that mean the guy is going to follow your lead? No, if he's emotionally dysfunctional or he has poor relationship skills, it's gonna be very hard. But again, continually lead by example, and then you have to decide, is this really the right person for me? It may not be the right person for you. And that's okay too. The sooner we end the wrong relationships, we attract the right relationships in our lives. So coming back to your original question there, Ouijaan, I think it was, no, Kimberly. It's only two dates, but certainly you can start this as early as two dates by leading by example. And my hope is, my hope is, you actually form a stronger bond. And folks, let me just say this. If you really wanna create a strong bond with a guy, be radically honest right from the get-go. Because guess what? When two people are radically honest with each other, they actually build intimacy. Intimacy means into me you see. You actually build a stronger bond when you're radically honest with one another. Intimacy, into me you see. And that's my invitation for you. Lead by example, demonstrate that emotional maturity. Give it a shot. Let me know how it works. Will you do that for me? All right. Thank you so much for that question. I really, really, really appreciate it. Thank you so much. Hmm. All right. What's next on the agenda? Purchase a super stick or super chat.