 There is a legend circulating around the television industry. It is about channel infinity. Channel infinity is hard to get to and reports vary as to what it actually is. I will tell you how to get there and then what to do. Acquire a television, preferably with analog for the best experience and the older, the better. Acquire a remote control. It does not have to go with the television you are using. Turn on the TV and set it to a channel that is static, or just a plain black screen if you are using a digital TV, basically any channel you do not receive. Leave the room for about 3 hours. If you have a significant other in the house, have them with you. It is also best to call over a few friends. During those 3 hours, you should acquire a few items. I will list them in order from the most important to the least. Note, none of these are mandatory, but they help. You will want an item that you hold dear. Two handheld mirrors, a weapon, a favorite book, a mobile communications device, a key, a sledgehammer. After roughly 3 hours have passed, re-enter the room. Have everyone else wait outside the door. Close the door. Stare at the static or blank screen or whatever you set the TV to until you feel disoriented or freaked out. Call the others into the room. Give the item that you hold dear to the person that you care about the most in the room, then send them back out. If you did not grab an item that you hold dear, hug that person and whisper a secret in their ear. Send them back out and command them to not come back in no matter what until you open the door again. Note, this will be harder for them if there are more of them, but it will be safer for you if there are more people. Trust me. Hold the mirrors so that no one is reflecting the television screen into the other and the second is reflecting you, so it looks as if the television is behind you. Stay like this until a question appears on the screen. If you did not grab the mirrors, then sit in a chair facing away from the TV until you hear a noise. Grab the remote. There will be a question on the screen. Press channel up to answer yes, channel down to answer no. There will be anywhere from 3 to 26 questions if reports are to be trusted. The questions will be anywhere from trivial to deep philosophic personal questions. Answer truthfully or you will not succeed in reaching channel infinity. After the questions, one of three things will happen. One, your favorite show of all time will come on, but in the episode, all of the characters will be heart wrenchingly killed. Two, you will see a picture of your least favorite person or thing ever. This is where you use your weapon. Break the TV screen. It will then fix itself. Note, this is obviously the easiest of the three things. Three, a strange shimmery vortex will surround you and you will be pulled into an alternate dimension. If you find yourself here, here's what you do. You will find yourself in a twisted replica of your house. You will need to go to your room where you will find the four items listed that you will need for this part. Take them. Exit your house. Outside will be a more evil looking version of our world with red sky, a gray sun, dark orange plants, and an ever present thin vermilion mist. You must go to the nearest public building, a school, mall, gas station, etc. Use the key on the door and enter. The key will fit the lock. If you did not get a key, climb in through a window. Upon entering, find a room with only one entrance. Sit down and begin reading the book. If you did not get a book, just sit down. You will hear footsteps outside of the door sometime within the next hour. Don't look up from the book. After you can no longer hear the footsteps, count to 250 out loud. Every 10 numbers, you will hear another footstep closer and closer to the door. Upon reaching 250, you will hear a knock on the door. If there are three knocks, open the door. If there are four, say I forbid you twice, and then open it. You will see a stone statue of someone you love deeply outside of it. It could be a family member, best friend, romantic partner, or even a fictional character. Smash its head to bits. If it is a female, also destroy the left hand. If you no longer have a weapon, push the statue over. Exit the building from the entrance you came in through. It will be night. Look up at the moon. It will either be pink or green, and either full or half. If it is pink and half, pull out the phone and call your third most recent contact. If it is pink and full, pull out the phone and dial a random number. Before they pick up, bite through your tongue. If you did not get the device, pretend to do the things above. If it is green and half, strip off all your clothing and sprint back to your house. Don't look behind you, no matter what. If it is green and full, to put it bluntly, you're screwed. You'll be dead within half an hour. If it is one of the first three, you will wake up in front of the television and you can continue the ritual. After this, you have reached Channel Infinity. What you do now is up to you. If you go to the guide function, you will see shows listed as the meaning of life, or how to acquire true love. Choose one. Note, the more people you have outside the door with you determines the revelations that are the shows. The more people, the better chance you have of seeing shows with more life changing results. Or if you keep watching the static without going to guide or breaking eye contact with the television, you will see a series of images that will, if deciphered, reveal the answer to your greatest question. There are at this point many options. Too many to write here. Just do what you feel like you must, and something will happen. The overwhelming majority of things will be good, but some will be bad. You may leave the room at any point, however, there are two catches. You may never speak of what you learned after accessing Channel Infinity. And you may only reach Channel Infinity four times in your life. I hope you find the experience enlightening.