 Well hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic how to express yourself to a man, how to express yourself to a man. Really quickly these are my weekend videos I shoot on my balcony. Very similar to the videos I shoot my private group called Midlife Love Mastery where it's an inexpensive membership program to have direct access to me on a regular basis so if you're interested check out the link below to my VIP group. Alright let's talk about how to express yourself to a man. Now before I'm going to go there I want to share a story that actually came from the group and one of our members wrote something that triggered me and I think it'd be if there's a valuable share here. So she said why don't men have the balls or she was expressing her frustration around men and she quotes don't have the balls to let a woman know that the relationship is over and he wastes her time and that triggered me on so many different levels let me share why. Partially because I've been that guy. I've been that guy and I've been that guy on so many I feel like it's happened a lot. It hasn't happened hundreds of times I mean it's happened a few times and why it triggered me is because the challenge I had for myself was to be able to express myself. I was afraid not only to express myself but I was also afraid of what the reaction would be if I express myself. So fear was the cause so when she said I didn't have the balls that triggered me as making me out to be weak. So then I went on to a diet tribe in the chat saying well why do women fear expressing themselves to a man. Why do women and this is one of the constant issues I hear frequently in the dating mating and relating realm is women are afraid to express themselves to a man. They're afraid because of the fear of what's going to happen. So let's lean into that. That's simply a fear and it's a very honest fear to feel that way. So what do you think it's like being in a relationship where you can't express yourself to someone? That's got to be painful to be in that. And being it today is Valentine's Day. Let's lean into love. Let's lean into love okay. I've got my Valentine's Day plaque out here for today. Obviously I have my self-love club shirt. By the way you can get this on Amazon. Check out the link where Jonathan recommends. I think you can be able to click there to get to Amazon from my recommend page. So in honor Valentine's Day but what I'm leaning into is we're it's very human to feel fear. So let's not judge the fear like men don't have balls and you're a weak person because it's very natural to have fears in expressing oneself. This is why I am a big proponent of like what my t-shirt says self-love. My coffee cup today says love yourself, love yourself. And this is why I wrote my book what the heck is self-love anyway. What the heck is self-love anyway. It's it's designed to shift from that space of being afraid in life and beginning a personal development self-help and spiritual journey on a regular basis to break free from those old patterns of being afraid. Because it's so there's basically two functions going on when when it comes to expressing yourself in relationship. One is the fear of what's going to happen and also what words do you use to express yourself. That's where a lot of the frustration lies. Now I want to share another story before I give you a technique to help you in this. I want all of you ladies to know that my friend will kill me for saying this but one of my dearest friends was in a relationship with a woman and and he will for lack of a better word might be emotionally stifled from the perspective of expressing himself. He might be stifled a bit not not buried in the ground but just struggled with it. And the woman he was in relationship constantly expressed her feelings to him. And I say constantly and it didn't scare him away he didn't run away because he cared for her. When a man cares for you he's not going to run away when you express your feelings and she just kept expressing her feelings to him. Now what happened was by leading by example he was able to go from this stifled space to start moving up on the ladder. Now I will tell you there was tension between them because she had these expectations. She had expectations to be here and he started here and him just even moving up this much was a big deal. So there was a lot of frustration on her part but that was that was her own doing. He was rising up the ladder because she was leading by example. This is why I'm such a big proponent going back to my book chapter one speak your truth do it with kindness speak your truth do it with kindness. And later on in the book and I say this in most of my videos is it's sincere and from the heart you can never say the wrong thing to the right person. And with him he wasn't going to run away. So first ladies let's establish that is absolutely okay to express your feelings to a man. It's absolutely okay. Now what you don't want to do is vomit your feelings. I mean literally just vomit every thing that's going on and really check in with your heart. Remember I said earlier if it's sincere and from the heart. So first identify what it feeling are you having here. Anger sadness depression anxiety identify the feeling first identify the feeling first and if you and then next learn how to express it in a whole new way coming from not pointing the finger at him or whatever you're feeling but looking at these three fingers pointing back and going what am I feeling and just express the feeling. I'm feeling a little bit of anxiety in this relationship because you seem kind of quiet. And I just want to you know I just want to share this with you. This creates an opportunity for dialogue and ladies I have to tell you so many women are in relationship where the two of you aren't really communicating from a heart centered place. This is why I highly recommend the book nonviolent communication by Marshall Rosenberg nonviolent communication by Marshall Rosenberg and why this is so critically important. It should have been titled compassionate communication because it teaches you how to express in a way that's framed in a healthy way. Now I want to go back and address this fear because if we don't address the fear of speaking up to your guide. Yes learning the techniques is great and this is hugely important because this will help you break through the fear. But I want you to begin a new again with the self love practice but look at we're all human we're riddled with I don't even like to use the word flaws but negative patterns limiting beliefs anxieties and fear in our life. In fact the number one emotional health issue facing everybody is I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable. I'm not likable. In fact I created my podcast the what would love do podcast by the way the links there below. I created that to explore how to break free into what would love do being part of the self love club and this is why I highly recommend the book by Brené Brown the gifts of imperfection and the subtitle. Let go of who you think you're supposed to be and embrace who you are. Ladies whether you're in relationship or not the most important relationship you have by the way when I say ladies human beings let me just say men and women alike the most important relationship you have is with yourself. That's the most important relationship you'll ever have in your life and the quality I like what Esther Perel says the quality of your relationships dictate the quality of your life. So a fantastic relationship with yourself being part of the self love club is going to help you break free and be able to express yourself to anybody. Now many of you know I lost my 19 year old son Connor and that's what broke me open in a way I can't even imagine and it's one of the reasons why I wrote my book what the heck is self love anyway and why I share this with you is I actually did a lot of work prior to him passing away which includes the Hoffman process the Hoffman process and this is an inner child workshop to heal that that those negative patterns those limiting beliefs those wounds that happen in childhood and allowed me to dig deeper and that's my encouragement for you all today and I will tell you what happened during this experience this is so cool it was the second to the last night we actually had a birthday celebration and I can't give you the hints of what it is because if you do it but coincidentally it happened to me my birthday and and I got to reach into a bag and grab a gift everybody got to get a gift and the gift I got and I was there on my birthday was this little lion teddy bearer this little lion teddy bear and and I'm a Leo so how appropriate I mean I'm telling you it was divine intervention that allowed me to receive this and why I share this with you is that this is a reminder of self love for me just one of the many reminders of self love and so as my t-shirt says my encouragement for everyone to be able to learn how to express yourself to a man is learn how to express within oneself breathe that in and the more we get to get better within ourselves the better we become the better we become the better we become the easier it is to express ourselves to another human being and if you're in relationship with a man this you know this practice do this inner work first and then learn the techniques from the book Nonviolent Communication and I promise you you're going to see a shift you know for many of you know I talk about emotionally mature man or emotional grown-ups and I talk about how to identify emotional grown-ups that's what I do in my private coaching practice is helping you identify those men that like my friend that can lean into and break free from being that emotional stifled place to actually a place to be able to open up with you as well and I'm here to say it may require leading by example like his girlfriend did and at the end result is you might find that he meets you where you're at if you need some support on that check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you all right I hope you got value from this video if you have please post a comment below if you'd like to add anything please post a below I do my best to read everything and again if you find value in my channel please share this with your friends check out my book Midlife Love Mastery I'm selling everything right because it's Valentine's Day and I want everyone to experience love all right we're going to wrap up this video as I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan Bear hug of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone or a pet or a pillow or even a teddy a stuffed animal and give it a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives thanks a bunch bye bye now