 you shouldn't beat yourself up about it because I think one thing that particularly goes through my mind when I'm having a meltdown or after or having a shutdown and I'm going selectively mute in those circumstances that I have control over myself like I can I can somewhat tie together some faults sometimes it feels like I can do something about this and I'm choosing to be this way but every time that I've had those faults and I've tried to convince myself that I can it hasn't worked it just doesn't work so you may have those faults while going for a meltdown or after a meltdown like you could have done like this was a conscious thing that you wanted to do but try your best to disregard that that feeling that fault because in a lot of cases it is not your fault you haven't done it on purpose it's not a fun thing it's not a it's not a pleasant thing you wouldn't want to put yourself in in that situation it's not fun purple Ella what exactly is an autistic meltdown it's a pretty short video but I think it would be interesting to see what purple Ella has to say I have interviewed them on a previous podcast if you want to go check that one out but yeah definitely something something worthwhile to watch because I have seen some content creators get a bit confused about like the terminology and the differences between specifically around autistic meltdowns and shutdowns I haven't really heard people talk about much the difference between meltdowns and panic attacks it's something that I've covered quite a bit so I'll be interested to see if this is representative or I feel it's accurate to my experience right let's get into it guys so many of you might be wondering what is an autistic meltdown we use the word meltdown a lot to describe all different kinds of loss of control for example a young child having a temper tantrum or any kind of loss of control in an adult I want to talk about autistic meltdowns which are specific events which happen to autistic people of any age they are an intense response to overwhelming circumstances causing a complete loss of behavioral control I'm often asked what's the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown so let's start there I've heard it used in a lot of different circumstances like that like people people generally say when they are struggling or feeling overwhelmed they're somewhat dysregulated and they somewhat lose the ability to to think clearly and they're perhaps quite emotional that they are having a meltdown or you might have heard people use it in the phrase of I'm going to have a meltdown about this I had an absolute meltdown you hear a lot of people talking about that specifically but the actual origins of the word the terminology that you know sort of brought this idea of a meltdown into the mainstream was was actually you know due to autistic meltdowns it's not really something that allistic people experience you may experience panic attacks as an allistic individual and perhaps might get quite overwhelmed but the actual experience of going for a meltdown is very very different cherries jubilee says my not noticing that I'm getting emotional makes it feel like I go from zero to a hundred that's the order likes to find me I think it's a really important thing to to mention I do talk about likes to find me quite a bit but if you are struggling in terms of controlling meltdowns and in terms of managing it I highly recommend looking into this idea of autism to collect find me I do have some podcasts and I do have some videos and posts which go into exactly what that is and what it can look like but in general it is a difficulty noticing identifying your feelings in the context of meltdowns or even in the context of general overwhelm and panic because we have sort of a dulled sense of like noticing our emotions it can often take a lot more of an intense emotion for for us to notice it so quite often perhaps we might only realize that we're anxious when we get like 60 70 80 percent of the way to a meltdown and by that time most people would be able to say okay like I'm getting a bit overwhelmed and anxious I need to like take a break from what I'm doing or I need to step outside I need to regulate in some way I need to calm down whereas for us it can be sometimes quite hard to notice it up until the point where we kind of reach the the crossroads of perhaps getting into that very overstimulated kind of dysregulated state which we do call meltdown there are ways that you can learn to be a bit more cognizant of it you can look at like physical signs you can try and characterize sort of different sort of ways that you you might change in terms of thinking and the the ways that you might behave outwardly being able to find different ways of understanding how you're feeling through sort of atypical kind of cognitive like understanding of your own experiences with anxiety is definitely like a really really good thing when it comes to meltdown prevention there's a lot of people that might say okay here are some anxiety reducing strategies that you can use you go to the doctor you're just psychologists and the like okay do some deep breathing you know or you can look around the room you can you pick two things that you can see or one thing that you can touch and things of that nature it's only really useful when you can be aware of how you're feeling when you get to that point where you are approaching a meltdown it's not like this switch that goes off and you just have a meltdown it's a ramping up kind of effect you know it is a if you are on the way to having a meltdown it can be exponentially more more and more difficult in order to implement those strategies and think clearly when you're on that way so i think that's definitely one big tip that i just want to say before we get into this an autistic meltdown is bigger more emotional longer lasting and more difficult to manage than the average tantrum an autistic meltdown doesn't have a purpose tantrums tend to be manipulative a child learns that they can get their own way by crying lying on the floor and lashing out this behavior is then repeated when they want to get their own way particularly if it has worked in the past autistic meltdowns are not manipulative there is no goal it is an intense sign of distress tip you can sometimes tell the difference by watching the behavior in a tantrum you would see signs of the child looking to see what reaction they're getting from their behavior and trying to negotiate to get their own way the tantrum would end with them either getting their own way or realizing that it's not going to help them to get i think there's that's a really really good distinction and that's probably how i would describe the differences too i do want to highlight that it can sometimes be a result of something that's happened that they don't want as well like it's like the the actual initiation of it if if a child you know what's in schools if a child's not getting something that they want it could be related to like routine and certainty and something in the head that they've decided that they're going to do and it kind of changes and it causes them to be sort of dysregulated but it can start off looking a little bit like that but once it kind of moves into this idea of a meltdown it doesn't really matter if you give them what they wanted in the first place because it's it's kind of like you just it's set off it's like it's triggered and once it's it's like that it's it's no longer sort of a defiance or you know they don't necessarily have the ability to see themselves when they get what they want because it's not this kind of manipulative display as purple ala is talking about you're not really trying they're not really trying to get anything out of the situation at that point they are just in a very hypers very overstimulated like completely sort of dysregulate an emotional state so it's it's very very different in that way every stout sound stacks as if it's a priority you can't filter anything out yeah i've had tantrums turn into meltdowns 100 percent long bouts of people pleasing masking caused years of severe depressive episodes as an adult i'm sorry to hear that really i mostly had autistic meltdowns start as an older child an adult i thought it was kind of background backwards um i have had a situation in my own life where you know in teenage hood from early childhood to teenage hood i did have quite sort of consistent meltdowns especially during teenage hood um but nowadays it doesn't really transition from a shutdown into a meltdown very regularly um it only tends to happen when someone is causing causing it so i have been in a very difficult sort of unhealthy sort of romantic relationship in the past where i have been somewhat triggered or forced into a meltdown because someone wouldn't stop asking me questions you know someone continued to be emotive even though i'd i'd express that you know i might have a meltdown some feeling dysregulated um sort of continue to do that that's that's usually when when it tends to turn into a meltdown for me you know it's it's when it when it doesn't stop it's when the shutdown no longer serves the purpose of cutting me off from the rest of the world which is call it causing me to get into that state at their own way in a meltdown the person will have no control over what they are doing and they may look panicked or frightened they may shut down or try to escape they will lose their ability to problem solve or negotiate the meltdown won't necessarily i i i don't know if like because it is definitely very very accurate to my experience but i've heard other people sort of characterizing it as a somewhat loss of function not necessarily a loss of all of your functionality ability to communicate etc it really depends for me on the intensity of the meltdown because i can have really really intense ones which you know come with a lot of you know uncontrollable like motor ticks on ability non-ability to communicate you know pretty much what pepola is describing but sometimes it can be somewhat of a minor meltdown not necessarily as intense and i still have the ability to sort of say yes and no i have the ability to somewhat be cooperative when it comes to people sort of leading me into to a space which is a lot more quiet or a lot less dysregulating i think it really depends on the person like i can definitely make decisions and do things if i'm having a meltdown it just takes an extraordinary amount of time for me to to get to a point where i have an idea of what my thoughts are and i'm able to execute things and i'm able to process things it's like everything's just slowed down to like a massive degree and there is just this emotional wave of panic you know and i think it's worthwhile saying that it can look different from person to person 100% like for me my meltdowns tend to be typically around anxiety some people might have them a lot where they express a lot of excitement a lot of happiness some people might express a lot of anger you know perhaps being being quite quite aggressive in some circumstances that's not my experience but i know of people who who do who have so talked about that their experience particularly with that for sure i mainly shut down and stop responding well the shutdowns very is is different to a meltdown like some people characterize it as having an internal meltdown i don't think that's necessarily the most accurate you know i see it more of it as a protective mechanism not necessarily like an internal meltdown because i don't tend to find them to be as horrible over stimulating difficult my communication does go sometimes with shutdowns but that's more of a compensatory thing you know it's it's to kind of stop me from becoming even more stimulate over stimulated you know kind of like a protected mechanism that's my experience with it people think my cataplex is a shutdown that's very interesting what what is i imagine the catam element of that is like related to like catastonia maybe i'd love to know more about that jerry's i agree i don't agree with the internal meltdown why do why do you why do we think so much alike i i'm not sure there really end when the trigger problem is resolved next i want to talk about what causes autistic meltdowns meltdowns are caused by high levels of stress they can be the result of sensory overload an overwhelming situation information overload unexpected changes or other challenges that that person is dealing with causing them to feel overwhelmed in my experience meltdowns are not the result of one single thing yes they are usually triggered by a final straw after a series of challenges yes to give you an example i recently had a meltdown which looked like this first i was on holiday for the weekend dealing with schedule changes and usual activities and extra socializing next i had been unwell the night before so i was feeling tired and in pain and just generally a bit wobbly i decided that the way to fix all this was to get a particular drink from a particular cafe when we got to the planned cafe it was shut so we went to a different cafe and mr purple went to get us some drinks but when he came back he hadn't gotten me the drink that i had asked for i had a meltdown on the surface it looked like i had a meltdown over a frappuccino but if you look more closely i was in sensory overload i'm feeling physically unwell the frappuccino was just the final trigger and is i don't necessarily think in this case like i think some people might interpret this story as like this is like the final straw was the result of not like getting her own way you know um quite often when we feel stressed like trying to assert some degree of certainty in our heads about like how things are gonna go what things like how things are gonna happen provides us a lot of relief in terms of anxiety i have had situations in the past where i've had i mean peplella was talking about overwhelm i think meltdowns can happen from any overwhelming emotion it could be anger and i have had one or two times where i have had a happy meltdown as i describe it getting way too overly excited and happy particularly when i spend large amounts of time socializing with people when i'm sort of in the the social groove and i spend i don't like take breaks because i'm enjoying interacting with people i can get myself into a happy meltdown or if i get a really good piece of news really really good piece of positive news that's happened to me as well so it's can be ignited by lots of different things i do actually have i think a series of posts that i put out so these are sort of the the things that i've characterized as possible reasons for artistic meltdowns obviously the social overload overload that can be something where we sort of overreach our social battery illness and chronic pain can be an aspect lack of sensory accommodation so sensory overload general low mental health as well so if you are having a particularly large sort of bout of anxiety not necessarily due to anything but just due to like your brain chemistry on any certain day routine changes is the big one that's that kind of removal of certainty also sometimes related to dehydration or not having enough food you know sometimes we can neglect our body needs because some of us do struggle with interception confrontation can be a really really big trigger for a lot of people including myself especially with someone that i care about a lot burnout if you're in like a long period of burnout you can be a lot more sensitive to meltdowns very very fast transitions from one thing to another that we don't have control over that can be hard if we don't get that time to transition from one state of being or one activity to another hyper-focusing or having a large amount of autistic inertia for a long time very much eating into our energy supplies not knowing when to regulate that's the aspects of alexa thymia pressure to communicate which is a really really big one for me particularly usually the thing that causes me to go from shut down to meltdown when i'm pressured to communicate and i can't uh sometimes related to rejection and failure that can sometimes be a trigger for some people a lot of small things to manage so extending ourselves in terms of our capabilities in terms of like executive function strong overwhelming positive emotion i've talked about that sometimes related to uh pda demand triggers so persistent drive for autonomy pathological demand avoidance forced out of hyper focus too quickly so if someone's not respecting our monotropic mind and our sort of focus on one particular task and sort of trying to force us out of that it can be somewhat quite overwhelming and unclear instructions so not really having much clarity around something that we're supposed to do or things that we're doing you know obviously these these can be you know triggers can can also be anything really that causes someone to experience a high amount of anxiety so it could just be non autism related thing non autism related things which definitely like contribute to that and what purple a la was describing in terms of how they get into meltdown states so there's a usually like a string of events that happen there is actually a um an actual like scientific reason for the reasons for this and it can be the same for people experience holistic individuals experiencing panic attacks and that is this idea of trigger stacking and it's something that's primarily talked about in terms of animals but it's related to this hormone that we secrete which is related to anxiety called cortisol and cortisol is a very strange one because it's released when we are stressed or we're needing to get ready for something or waking up in the morning but it doesn't just stay elevated for like a very small amount of time sometimes well in a lot of cases it's elevated for quite a significant amount of time so if you have lots of strings of things that happen for you during the day um you get a spike of cortisol and perhaps you have another thing that happens maybe a couple of hours after an hour after it spikes again and so it increasingly spikes over this period of time and so there's a very very small window of you know sort of cortisol left before you get into a panic attack state or you have a meltdown and it's usually that kind of end trigger that we're aware of but we don't always like look back in hindsight and realize just what what kind of like the string of events had led to in that way cortisol I get very angry irrational slamming things short throwing soft things scratching and hitting myself for air screaming shouting crying yeah I think that's something that I that's that's how my meltdowns express when I was when I was younger I'm not saying that that's necessarily like an immature thing I'm just saying that that's what happened when I was younger nowadays they tend to be a lot more internal and anxiety related but I do have a lot of experience when it comes to sort of harmful stings as you would say sort of hitting yourself it's something that does happen if I have a very sort of intense meltdown totally so what does an autistic meltdown look like typically but not always you will see pre meltdown signs of distress this is a warning signal this can look like increasing irritability and sensory distress like hands over ears increasing volume of voice or restlessness these warning signals could also include stimming rocking pacing nail biting and more just as autistic people are different so their meltdowns are different not all I think as well another good sign would be if we are hyper fixating on one particular aspect of how our day's going or what we want to do that's usually a good sign if we if we just can't let things go and we're continuing to like sort of have like a loop of thoughts around one particular thing that's going to provide us certainty I think that that's also a really good thing so good example for me when I was making my documentary I had quite a few meltdowns because my computer wasn't working and I'd said to myself I was going to get this far with the editing today and because I didn't I stayed up very very late and I fixated on it even though I couldn't do anything because my computer wasn't working properly so having that kind of state of cycling through a you know so obsessively sort of trying to get something finished or focusing on a result or something that needs to happen can also be sort of a sign in my in my books meltdowns are a result of deficient emotional regulation and may occur with anyone with deficient executive functioning such as autism and ADHD um I think it it definitely looks different in autistic people in my my experience but I wouldn't necessarily say that autistic people struggle with emotional regulation because we're pretty good at it when it comes to stimming and when it comes to like that it's just it's just quite often the elixir firemere before that and sometimes the amount of stress that we experience is somewhat amplified because as I was talking about court or before we we also do have a higher sensitivity to it we usually release more of it and it usually sticks around in our system a lot more than the most people I rock and stem when I'm feeling happy but when I am like that I usually sing too oh that is cool it's cool all meltdowns look the same they might involve lying on the floor hiding running away crying shouting swearing throwing things hitting themselves or lashing out side note I went through an entire fruit bowls worth of apples at a wall when I was in meltdown awkward my meltdowns usually start with an increase in irritability and circular thinking that means saying the same things over and over again when I melt down I usually cry and sit down or lie on the floor I may appear angry and irrational and I might shout as I said I've also been known to throw things that autistic people autistic meltdowns will vary from person to person now you're probably asking how do I prevent meltdowns so I'm going to break that into two parts short term and long term meltdown prevention long term meltdown prevention is about living a life that day in day out suits and neurology this could include things like meeting our sensory needs avoiding sensory overload learning to recognize and manage our emotions routines time spent doing our special interests appropriate support built into our lives making and managing boundaries energy accounting and more I've made videos on many of these topics and I'll leave a link to anything relevant in the description box 100 yeah really really good good sort of long term ways of doing it I would say the same I would say as well on top of that perhaps having some semblance of an outlet is quite helpful or it has been for me I'm not necessarily saying go to the gym you know but for me sport and exercise has been quite a consistent sort of regulating thing for me that goes beyond like it being an interest of mine I have heard it as well from my interview of like temple grand in at one point I think she was talking about how like her body weight sort of exercises routine that she does in the evenings I can be a good way there's a lot of good sort of hormones neurotransmitters there and dolphins even that are released when we when we do sort of have that exertion so that could be something to consider you don't necessarily have to do sport or exercise but having some form of emotional outlet can be quite good long term just as sort of a built-in thing that you have in your life like I tend to find that my anxiety tends to be a bit better when I am consistently doing that as well as I was saying before about the elixir family or what go on about it again but I think that's a really really good way of learning to manage anxiety when you know in in sort of like the long term if you can manage to cognitively kind of understand your own signs of any particular emotion that you might be feeling and have that sort of built in and perhaps having a routine of sort of checking in with yourself certain times that can be really really helpful when it comes to situations that are outside of this kind of controlled daily routine so if you're wanting to go out and do something new if you're wanting to go to somewhere new if you're going into a new situation or environment I think having that in place can be very very important being able to like sort of adjust sort of on the spot next is short term meltdown prevention so what can I do to prevent a meltdown when I see warning signs that one might be about to happen first of all to say there is a short window of time from when you receive your meltdown warning signs to having the meltdown where you could possibly do anything to prevent that meltdown so if you try and don't succeed and the meltdown happens anyway don't feel bad about it it's not your fault but these suggestions might help walk away get away from anything which is triggering you at this time find a quiet low stimulation space to relaxing do not try to fix whatever it is yes that is stressing you out yes close your eyes simply closing your eyes can reduce sensory input and help you to regulate get to know your meltdown warning signals and this can help you to implement the following strategies use any stims or sensory products that you might find helpful for regulating this might include stimming rocking weighted blankets flapping hidey holes and stroking your pets take some deep breaths sometimes I find it helpful to breathe in for four and breathe out for four and concentrate on nothing but my breathing and my counting wait until you feel calmer and more regulated before trying to do anything else yeah really good suggestions again these things are just general like anxiety sort of regulating things as purple Ella was talking about there is kind of that very small window so as much as you can try and try and widen that window I would say is probably a really good thing to do I think long term if you can if you can get things into your routine that generally reduce anxiety you're probably going to be 90% of the way of mitigating meltdowns it is pretty hard to because you do get into that kind of pre meltdown state it can be really really difficult to actually like like break away from something that is causing you that stress like the thing that you're wanting to fix so it's not always going to work and I'm not 100% are doing this either myself it all it can be also trying to recognize times or things that you do where you are much more likely to have a meltdown and putting things in place preemptively like having regular breaks in like a social situation perhaps or from a new place doing that kind of thing can can be really good because sometimes you can sort of get very concentrated on like a conversation and you sort of you're not as aware because your focus is somewhere else so having like check-ins with yourself or having some breaks that you can have during those those sort of out of routine things can be really helpful um usually if I'm in a pre meltdown state I'll just lay on the floor that tends to do a lot for me and listen to music um as as we're they were talking about before in terms of functioning like I can function to a certain degree and usually the way that I can function is the things that I do on a very regular basis pretty much all the time which is using my phone so sometimes I can actually text even though I can't speak if I'm in a very perhaps shut downy situation where I can't really speak very well um all sort of do much sometimes if someone puts a phone in my hand I can like to a certain degree like usually there's a lot of spelling mistakes and it doesn't make a lot of sense but um I can that that is usually quite a good good way for me to communicate but um anyway what I was saying about coping mechanisms playing a mindless game listening to music laying on the floor that's usually what I do that usually gets me to a good place but sometimes it can just be way too much especially if there's something that I'm trying to fix yeah especially if it's like time bound as well like I've got I've got like a deadline or something really hit me a lot at university very consistently the rest of the day low pressure if possible and finally what to do if you have a meltdown anyway for those of you who are supporting an autistic person here are my top four things to do to help an autistic person in meltdown number one clear the room help the autistic person to be somewhere alone and safe number two stop talking this person's brain cannot handle any more input and even supportive words can make this worse number three don't touch us again this is more information for our overloaded senses to process and will make things worse and number four be there ready to support and reassure when the meltdown is over and for autistic yeah um I think I think this is important to recognize here that this is talking generally and probably about strangers or people who don't really know the autistic person very well if you if you find yourself you're listening to this you support like an autistic another autistic person in your life and reassuring them during the meltdown helps them and hugs do help or pressure or physical touch does help them don't stop doing it if it's something that helps them you know is very dependent on the person there you go I disagree with the no touching personally I love a hard hug yeah um if you want to communicate if you want to ask the autistic person something and you know them very well um perhaps think about different ways that they can communicate like one good thing one good way that um helps me sort of communicate the affirmative or or the opposite of that yes or no is basically is squeeze something or like shake your head or you know do any sort of physical movement asking the question very very slowly not overloading with words but asking asking the question and saying squeeze squeeze my hand squeeze squeeze my leg if you want me to do this or something along those lines because it is very variable time to time and it may not always work but it could be an option if someone is is in kind of a maybe like a low intensity meltdown high intensity meltdowns like no chance of communicating with me but um that can that can help a lot hugs are amazing variety is good yeah try different ways you know same goes for shutdowns people here are my top four things to do when the meltdown is over number one don't beat yourself up you didn't choose or cause the meltdown and you are okay number two yeah I think this is talking about like aftercare I have done a post on this before as well talking about meltdown aftercare and definitely really really important even though Pobolo is telling this and maybe I'll tell you this and other people tell you this though there is no reason to feel ashamed well there is a reason or else you wouldn't feel ashamed but you shouldn't beat yourself up about it because I think one thing that particularly goes through my mind when I'm having a meltdown or after or having a shutdown and I'm going selectively mute in those circumstances that I have control over myself like I can I can somewhat tie together some faults sometimes it feels like I can do something about this and I'm choosing to be this way but every time that I've had those faults and I've tried to convince myself that I can it hasn't worked it just doesn't work so you may have those faults while going for a meltdown or after a meltdown like you could have like this was a conscious thing that you wanted to do but try your best to disregard that that feeling that fault because in a lot of cases it is not your fault you haven't done it on purpose it's not a fun thing it's not it's not a pleasant thing you wouldn't want to put yourself in in that situation it's not fun so although you may feel those kind of feelings of shame and embarrassment just remember that it's not something that you can control and if you put yourself in a third-party shoes perhaps with some someone else who is going through this or even someone who's going through like like uh someone who's having like a seizure or something you wouldn't you wouldn't you know you wouldn't feel that way towards them you'd be very concerned you'd very you'd be very you know empathic and sort of understanding about it but you wouldn't you wouldn't feel badly towards them like it's not something that they've done purposefully so make sure to keep that in mind you know make sure to keep that in mind if you do want to learn more about my specific ways of aftercare particularly for people around you and also for yourself i do have a post on that over on my instagram care for yourself very gently do what you need to do to feel okay number three get rest and avoid stress for the next couple of days to avoid repeat meltdown and number four worth repeating don't beat yourself up you are perfect you didn't cause this and i think you're great i hope you found this video about meltdowns helpful if you have i'd really appreciate you clicking the like button very brilliant video a lot of stuff um definitely a lot that i would add but i think pepallela does a really good job of distilling topics into very sort of um digestible sort of short form and even to to be honest like even though it was a particularly short video there was a lot of really really useful information and points that i would definitely say myself as well i would be really really careful after meltdowns because you will find that perhaps your sensory sensitivity is higher is higher than usual you may also find that your social battery is a lot lower as well so definitely taking that into consideration you know use as many sensory supports as you as you need to use and try and avoid stressful situations try and avoid social events if you have to cancel things you have to cancel them or if you have to move things to like your home environment to socialize and you feel able to good idea all the stuff that we're talking about on how to prevent meltdowns take that even more seriously over like the next day next two days it can change as well it's not always the same over time well i hope you have enjoyed this video and if you have make sure to like subscribe and also go check out purple ellers video give that a like subscribe maybe drop a comment down say that tom has sent you maybe do another podcast with him