 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm Jonathan assay of John assay calm And I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today our topic the four things men wished you knew about them Let's get inside guys head. Let's get inside a guy's head. All right really quickly Before we get started today if you're new to my youtube channel Please hit the subscribe button hit the bell so you can be notified of new content And please hit that like button if you like the content and at any time if something I say resonates with you Please hit that like like button or just post a comment as well. All right We're gonna jump into the four things men wished you knew Men wished you knew about them and let me just say this that for those of you that follow my channel Know that I oftentimes kind of throw men under the bus in some way shape or form Centered around suggesting that they're rather clueless in the dating mating and relating process Let me repeat that I often throw men under the bus as being clueless When it comes to dating mating or relating and it turns out that men have been watching my channel and some of them have written me Privately saying hey Jonathan. What about sharing our side of this and some of our Frustrations and some of the things that we go through so I thought what a great chance to be able to share some of the comments That came to me recently Now I want to say something though what I'm about to share the perception is gonna come across as being Whiny as being whiny in other words, it's gonna sound like complaints It's gonna sound like lack of confidence or insecurity in men And I'm here to Suggest that what I'm about to share is very legit in other words from the male perspective It is very legit and why this is so critically important is that it's Let me just say it's hugely important that both men and women I'm and I'm probably predominantly talking about heterosexual couples men and women hear each other hear each other's point of view and So and as you know ladies, I'm a big proponent of sharing Your frustrations and I understand many of your frustrations of the way men behave Oftentimes the ladies you're not hearing it from the other side. What about the frustrations? We men feel in the dating process So that's what I'm going to lean into today is lean into Some of the frustrations men feel in the dating process and maybe just maybe we can come a little bit closer together Instead of the divide that currently exists today All right, so I'm gonna put on my trusty glasses because I wrote this shortly before I wrote out some of the notes that from the guy shared And again for those who are on live I just want to thank you all for being live very much appreciative of that and a big shout out to Mindy My book what the heck is self-love anyway? It turns out they're doing and there's a book club tonight on my book Called what the heck is self-love anyway? And they're doing the first seven chapters of my book and I'm so excited because I just heard about that just now Wow, I mean I just have to say this really quickly I had no idea that at some point when I wrote the book there would be a book club doing The first seven chapters of my book, so I'm very excited about that. All right So let's just jump into those four things men wished you knew about them and we're gonna get inside a guy's head Now the first one I shared is the one that came up most frequently from several of the men who reached out to me and what they said was We men are just as scared of rejection as women We men are just as scared of rejection as women ladies There's this grand expectation that men are supposed to be Chivalrous and claim you and they just know what they're doing and if they don't know what they're doing and if they're apprehensive or Insecure they are weak men or lack confidence Well, I'm here to say that ladies This is a two-lane street men and women both fear rejection In fact, we men might we might it now on some level Maybe we've been conditioned to experience it more because men tend to put themselves out there more and yet What happens is if we've been rejected over and over and over and over and over and over again It can wear on our self-esteem. It can wear on our self-confidence our self-worth our our Self-worth self-esteem self-confidence. Yeah, this is one of the reasons why I wrote my book What the heck is self-love anyway to help shore up those pieces within us? Now it's interesting this past weekend My son and I went out to breakfast my son Caller right there most of you know my son Connor who passed away a couple years ago because I talk about them frequently But my son call and I went out to breakfast I was really excited and that there was a woman there at the restaurant that he caught his eye and After we finished our meal He went over there to ask her number to see if she might be interested in meeting and I believe that they did make I contact a couple times throughout While we're having lunch now she said no because she has a boyfriend But what's interesting was he shared with me what he was feeling up until that point What he was feeling is anxiety fear all these things were bubbling up and while he was suppressing the anxiety he was still feeling intense intense anxiety and Now mind you he's in his 20s Imagine what this feels like to a man who's older and I'm going to share that in one of the other comments as well What I'm here to say is men and women alike, you know fear rejection. We fear this initial contact This is why it's interesting because the dating app bumble if you're not familiar with the dating app bumble Here's a here's what it looks like Well, oh, this is just some of the pictures on it Women make the first move and for a lot of women This is very uncomfortable for them and the best that they can say is hi So let me just say this we men fear rejection you fear rejection So let's take the gender roles out of this and let's just start treating each other as human beings What would you say to a total stranger that you just wanted to you know connect with? Take out the expectations and just understand that Connecting in this way is very awkward in this in this, you know Certainly in the internet base way, but certainly out in public as well And this is why I'm a big proponent of having compassion for both oneself and for others It takes a lot of courage and for ladies I understand the amount of courage it takes you to make that initial contact just recognize that we're feeling that fear as Well, and that doesn't make us weak men as I'm about to share with you in one of the other comments It just makes us human Okay, not weak men human. Okay All right, so number one is we fear rejection just as much as you do number two We men experience some of the same problems as you women because women can be avoidant or emotionally unavailable Just like men. Let me repeat that we men can experience the same thing you ladies experience avoidant personalities Unemotional people people who goes people who disappear or people who are wishy-washy We men experience that just as much as you women You may you know ladies you oftentimes think like you hold the The pedestal of all the you know in other words of all the bad behavior of men and that didn't sound right Hold the pedestal, but I mean hold the microphone I should say or the megaphone that men are the bad people, but I'm just saying but I want to say that Avoidant person now avoidant attachment style and emotionally unavailable people is both for men and women alike This is why I'm such a big proponent of reading the book attached by Lamir Amir Levine and Rachel Heller Because this will help you get a greater understanding of attachment styles and to piggyback on that book I highly recommend getting the book getting the love you want by Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hunt This will help you understand why we tend to you know be the way We are from an emotionally unavailable or avoidant personality and ladies many of you are Experiencing the same things that we men excuse me We men are experiencing much of the same things you are when it comes to you know Dismissive avoidant or fearful avoidance or that sort of thing I can tell you I've had plenty of women that I engage with in from a dating perspective that are actual Avoidance now the irony is I'm an anxious attachment style or that's my default attachment style I've done a lot of work to heal my attachment style and I'm just here to say that we experience it just like you do It's not one size fits all in other words one gender fits all we men experiences it as well By the way, if this is resonating with you, please hit that like button if I've said something that You know You feel is worth giving a thumbs up for please do that so more people get notified of this video Alright, and don't forget I'm gonna take questions And by the way, if you do have a question for me post the word question or Purchase a super chat so I can see the question in the in the chat box Purchase a super chat or write the word question if you have a question and by the way anyone who does purchase a super chat I'm beginning a foundation for Connor Hopefully in the next year. I'm trying to talk to some attorneys to create a foundation So all the monies from super chats and super stickers will go to that Okay, number three We men are not any better at dating just because we are older and we experience a lot of what women Okay, we are not any better at dating because we're older and let me get to where I'm going with this one All right, so my son Colin as I shared with you walked up to a total stranger and asked for a number Okay, well here. I'm in my 50s and I've been going to the same restaurant During the pandemic with my friends Once a month and there's someone a manager there that I would like to ask out Manager there that I would like to ask out, but I'm absolutely petrified and afraid So let me just be honest Just because I'm older doesn't make me any better at dating and just because I'm older Doesn't necessarily make me any better at communicating. And so here's the and the reason why I bring this up is I've had women say Well, gosh, the man's in his 50s. He should just be better at dating No, it's quite the opposite quite frankly for so many men and women They might be coming off of a divorce and they haven't been out in the market for decades Maybe 20 or 30 years. So their capacity to be good at dating is actually a very weak skill This is why I'm such a big proponent of people purchasing the book if the buddha dated if the buddha dated This allows us to sink into a more inner-piece way of dating rather than the Rules-based way of dating the rules is just a piece of garbage that's all based on reverse By the way, it's my opinion. It's garbage. I'm not saying it is garbage. My perception of it is just a bunch of Reverse psychology game playing that works temporarily does work temporarily It doesn't work in the long one what works in the long run is Self-love beginning a daily practice of personal development self-help and spiritual work That's my invitation for you. All right So Just because we're older doesn't make us any better. Is this sinking in please let me know by hitting that like button Okay, and the fourth thing that men wish you knew but we we don't say it out loud Is that we do seek a deep connection? But often we just don't know how let me repeat that we seek a deep connection But we don't know how hence ladies I say women are the emotional leaders of the relationship and not men and so many of you asked me How do I how how can I be the emotional leader of the relationship? You lead by example? You lead by example by learning how to express yourself in a healthy way This is why i'm a big proponent of reading the book non-violent communication by marshal rosenberg If anyone's read this book hit the like button or post it I want to know this is a great book because it piggybacks on my book Because chapter one of my book is speak your truth do it with kindness and later on in the book There's a chapter called if it's sincere and from the heart you can't say the wrong thing to the right person I'm putting both of these books up Why this is so critically important ladies is you are the emotional leaders of the relationship We men are thirsty and dying many men not all okay a lot of Emotionally avoidant men are incapable of it, but i'm just going to tell you this Men are thirsty to want to open up and on their emotional level especially as they get older It's just we don't know how and we don't feel safe This is why i'm such a big proponent of the dating process being a two lane street instead of it being a process of of Romance and expectations Traditionally dating has been centered around romance and expectations of what the genders are supposed to do This is why i'm so effing tired of the whole masculine and feminine rhetoric because it sets everyone up for failure And this whole expectation based way of dating is killing the chance of two people especially the expectation of romance Is killing really great opportunities for people to connect at a heart centered level This is why i highly recommend reading these two books First off how to be an adult in a relationship how to be an adult in relationship and follow up with eight dates by Dr. John and julie gotman if you follow my work You know i talk about this frequently and by the way Someone the other day posted a comment said i don't have time to read books If someone doesn't have time to read books that can help their love life Then you have no busy Business in my opinion Even putting yourself out there to get a love life if you don't know the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship If you don't understand human behavior if you don't understand really what chemistry is really all about And understanding the importance of emotional maturity and shared values and blendable lifestyles And i can go on and on and on and on and on and on and on If you're not willing to invest in yourself and if you can't read these books then buy the audio or go on youtube And watch some of the videos on them I'm not here to teach you these books I'm here to direct you to places that can improve your love life And if you want some support from a coaching perspective, that's individualized yourself then check out the link to a Here i'll put it in the chat to a free discovery call with me In fact, I might be giving out a free coaching session So anyone who feel okay really quickly anyone who fills out my coaching form that of listening right now i'm going to be giving away one free coaching session to anyone who fills out the form because they genuinely fills out an application for coaching And it's genuinely interested in coaching so check out the link in there or check out the link in the description if you're listening to this on the replay All right, so really to recap those four things and we're going to be taking questions in a second Those four are we are just as scared as rejection as women are We experience some of the same problem as women when it comes to avoid it Avoid it women and emotionally unavailable women We're not any better just because we're older And let me just piggyback on one more thing A lot of people as they get older act Entitled men and women alike and this is what's killing a lot of relationship is entitled behavior And not compassionate behavior And the fourth thing is we genuinely seek deep connection. We often just don't know how to do it This is why i'm a big proponent that women are the leaders emotional leaders of the relationship And you lead by take by leading by example All right, if this sunk in please hit that like button and share this with your friends All right, we're going to take questions in a second hit write the word question in the chat box By the way, for those that are watching the replay the questions are the best part So you're going to want to watch you're going to want to listen to this All right, really quickly before I do go into questions. I do want to share something with you. It's a Monday night. I'm bored I've been lonely. I got recently rejected from a dating perspective not rejected But there was a mutual rejection that happened on the what I shared with you guys last week So and it took its toll on me and the best way for me to get out of my melancholy mood And and I'll be candid with you. I was feeling melancholy over connor as well It's just to speak to you all and share what my perspective Some people call it wisdom I just call it my perspective and I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all the love and support You've given me in so many areas of my life And I do my best to give and give and give to all of you as well And I hope you receive All right, I've got my moscow mule. We're ready to take questions, but we're going to do a trivia question first Because everyone in what knows me. I like to do these movie quiz movie quiz and the first one is Which song plays on the radio each day in the movie groundhog? Which song plays on the radio each day in the movie groundhog? Let's see who can get that right All right, now we're going to check the q&a board Okay Wow, we got lots of comments Why should you fear rejection boo said I have I have why should I I just because when someone says no to you or maybe is not interested in you It can I'm not saying it's a valid reason to feel less than but that's what it feels like So why should we? I think the challenge is really overcoming the fear and sometimes like my son did the other day He repressed the fear and persevered, but the fear still exists so I mean You know, I I don't even know I have a hard time commenting on that boo because why should I you know Why should you fear rejection? It's just a human thing. I don't know what else to say Okay, Lindsay writes Jonathan You need a list of all these books in one place so I can read them one by one Lindsay check out the link to jonathan recommends books in the description If you can't see it right now go to one of my other youtube videos scroll in there It's jonathan asley.com forward slash jonathan hyphen recommends. I have all these books listed there. Hope that helps Linda writes I love the book attached and getting the love you want way to go Mindy writes go jonathan. You can do it. Thanks rooting for you Someone again says where to wear all your books and the jonathan recommends click on the link jonathan recommends Okay, Mindy writes question. I know sex is important to a relationship Moreover, I'm waiting to have sex until marriage. How do I navigate dating knowing that I have a boundary in that area? That's a great question So I think the most important thing if If you are absolutely certain that you're not going to engage in sexual intercourse Until you're married then I would only be communicating with men who feel exactly the same way Now given that 99 of men out in the dating realm Don't operate that way Then now that percentage is higher when you are in a community of people that feel that way So it increases your odds when you're in that community of people that feel that way I don't know where that community exists. I do suspect it's probably church related But I would say the vast majority of men don't subscribe to that. So my first question would be Hey, you clearly put on your profile I mean now you're going to be You know eliminating 99 of men from interest but not but and The person that feels the same way if they find your profile attractive or find you attractive And I don't mean physically attractive. I'm talking energetic attraction. We'll want to lean in and get to know you My suggestion is if that's if that's an absolute deal breaker for you Then you have to find someone else that that's their Way of operating and that's my invitation for you. Mindy. I hope that helps Okay, Andre, give me the women's name and I'll make a request for you Andrea, thank you. You know what? She happens the truth is the woman that I was speaking of She's just way too young for me And that's my primary reason that I'm not doing it I just think that there's a big age difference and as much as you ladies think we men all want younger women That's not always the case. Okay. I want someone who's a contemporary someone that's within five to ten years of my age range So we can have Well, not to suggest someone younger couldn't have stimulating conversation But I just want someone who's more closer to my age and that's the reason why thank you so much All right, Nadia, right I agree But how can we get men to the heart level when they want to have sex too soon before friendship develops? Okay, that's a great question So You know the reality is is in the let's face it relationships today On no disrespect to Mindy who wants to remain Wants to wait for marriage sex is part of the decision making process when it comes to choosing You know a relationship sex is part of the process and let's face a lot of women say to me I want to have sex rather quickly to make sure we're compatible sexually Because if we're not compatible sexually, I don't want to pursue a relationship with someone. So I'm getting itchy right now Um, by the way, it is hailing. I mean is wailing outside. It is a blustery day I don't know if you hear the wind, but it's crashing up against my balcony for those who know me I know I live by the ocean and it is Whoo, it's it's blowing really hard. So How do you develop the friendship? Well, you do social activities and hobbies and mutual interests Outside of your home. That's how you spend time outside of your home To do things together and that's how you can build the friendship But ultimately if god dang it now i'm itchy. Um, if two people Want to explore a relationship sex is part of the decision making process. I'm not going to wait months to have sex I'll be candid with you and anyone I'm interested in I suspect sex is going to happen somewhere between the third and tenth day Somewhere in that range now that's I'm not suggesting that's the way you have to operate What i'm suggesting that is part of the decision making process certainly for men and many women alike Now, how do you build the friendship? Have deeper conversations instead of this bullshit surface conversation. How's it doing? How are you doing? How's your day going? I hope you're having a good day. Are you having a good day? I hope you're having a good day I hope you're having a really good day. Wow really wishing you a really great day That's I mean the rebel here drives me nuts of how the surface level conversations There are especially between human beings now. I'm going to find uh, one of my memes um on my um instagram that I want to share with you It's going to take a second to find Um, I should repost it. It's one of my all-time favorites that illustrates this point And hopefully Nadia this will help you So the meme says this I'm in a shirt right here I hate small talk I want to talk about atoms death alien sex magic intellect the meaning of far the meaning of life Faraway galaxies music that makes you feel different memories the lies you've told your flaws Your favorite scent your childhood what keeps you up at night your insecurity and fears I like people with depth who speak with emotion from a twisted mind. I don't want to know what's up That's how you build the friendship is you deeper meaningful conversations instead of this bullshit surface Conversations and the bullshit expectation of romance Instead of actually building the friendship by the way my pants bunched up Around my crotch and that's why I was moving around. All right Let's see Jonathan. Why does a man? Oh, let me go back John kelly keely a right Perez writes. Why does a man tell you about his ex if we are just dating? All right, so a lot of people who are wounded will talk about their past relationships Um, if they haven't healed from their wounds They'll talk about it from typically a complaining perspective or a victim perspective. Let me repeat that They will typically talk about a past relationship from a complaining perspective or a victim perspective Because they haven't healed from that past relationship and that is most likely why that person is doing that All right, which is why they need my book. What the heck a self love anyway All right, if you want to post a question write the word question first so I can see it By the way, do it in caps and or if you want purchase a super sticker or a super chat and that way I'll see them much quicker All right Jennifer writes I've been on four dates and I don't want to see him anymore But he's very very interested. Is it okay to break it off over text? Okay, great question. Can you break someone break it off over text apps a fucking lute? Yes, you can You know what? What are we gonna do drive over to someone's house? Drive over to someone's house And say hey, by the way, I want to let you know. I don't want to see you anymore I mean really or would you or worse you have them drive over to your house for you to tell them You don't want to see anymore. I mean, I guess you can meet halfway as well, but I want you to picture that Better to rip the band-aid off and you simply write a text And you use what's called the Oreo cookie the Oreo cookie you start with something positive Hey tim, I really enjoyed getting to know you you're a really great guy Upon further reflection I realized that we are misaligned And this doesn't feel comfortable for me to pursue a relationship with you And for now, I just want to wish you all your best on your journey And um, and if you need me for anything, I'm more than welcome to talk about it Boom done get it over with yes, you can do it over text or you now if you've been intimate with each other It's only been four days. I would say if you've been into it intimate with each other and you called yourself boyfriend and girlfriend Yes, that deserves to be over the telephone or face to face Although my ex-girlfriend I we got into a nasty fight over a text message once and broke up for about Well, actually that breakup well, we event we eventually did have a face to face But I'm not a big proponent of fighting over text because that can lead to a breakup over text Um, if this is resonating with you, please hit that like button. I'd really appreciate it So more people get notified of this live stream. All right Um, thank you. Maja, uh m a j d a I appreciate that. I've got you babe. That's correct That's the song that was playing in the movie groundhog day well done And we have more movie a movie quiz questions coming up. All right Jennifer writes I've learned rejection is god's protection Let me find that it's uh is I've learned rejection is god's protection I've been rejected by tons of men and used to get bummed out and sad But finally learned that I'm being saved from someone not right for me Yes It's there is a spiritual reason why this is happening and it's an opportunity to love ourselves It still fucking sucks to feel rejected. Let's just let's be real when we put ourselves out there And and I don't care how I look at I cannot let me backtrack. I'm only going to speak for myself It sucks when you put yourself out there and you're vulnerable with someone and they say no or let's better yet You've been communicating with someone you've developed a little bit of rapport and then they say no That even feels more painful because you put yourself out there and been vulnerable with another human being and I know this Oh my god, because I'm a kind of guy that for lack of a better word Put leaves puts his how to put his heart on his sleeve and what that really means is I am unafraid To be vulnerable authentic and transparent I am I am courageous enough to be vulnerable authentic and transparent The challenge is I might be tmi at times and when you're tmi With someone who's not ready for it. It can feel like too much for them I still go about it this way because that's how I choose to be vulnerable authentic and transparent the best I can Pretty much the way the four agreements if you're not familiar with the book four agreements I highly recommend checking it out four agreements All right hit that like button if this is resonating with you. I've got more questions to take all right Thank you, jennifer by the way Linaya writes I agree 100 last guy dated was not sexually compatible for me and it was a deal breaker for me Glad I found out sooner rather than later. Yes. I mean, let's face it sexual You know hey look at it my age there are you know the road in front of me isn't as long as the road behind me Although my dad is 95 years old. So maybe the road is still going to be plenty of enemy I want to have some great sex before my equipment falls off And so yeah, it's really important to choose a partner where you're compatible sexually and sadly a lot of people Aren't good at it. This is why in the book eight dates. It's one of the important conversations is to talk about sex It's on chapter two. I believe um, no chapter Oh no, um There are chapter three about intimacy. So this is really important stuff. By the way check out the book By the way, jonathan recommends books are all listed there all right, um Marlene says sexual compatible is very important kim writes sex is like buying shoes I won't buy a pair of shoes without trying them on first. It's simple See, so it's not just men or you know gravitating towards sex You ladies want it just as much as men and you want really good sex Um, kelly writes. Yes connection is so important. Some people can't or choose not to go deep That's true kelly. Many writes. I will tell you what I'll tell you what throw Throw sex out the window until marriage and you learn quickly how to have a deep and interesting Because you learn to lead with your mind and wits instead of your body I agree. However, we are human and I fully agree We are human beings driven by our biology and men in particular I are highly driven by our biological drive to spread our seed. It's part of and so Does anyone remember the movie something about mary something about mary with uh ben stiller and uh Oh god cameron deus, okay, and ben stiller has a date with cameron deus and his friend has said You know, have you masturbated yet and he goes, what are you talking about? He goes, don't you masturbate before a first date? He goes no He goes well then all you're thinking about is sex during the date if you masturbate ahead of time You've thrown he says the baby out with the batter. I think that's the line I can't remember exactly what said but there's actually some value to that and I've tried it myself Because then we're not biologically so amped up to you know, be so focused on sex So I mean not that most men are going to do that But I do like what was shared in the movie and I do agree mendy when we take out the sexual component You have a greater chance of connecting what someone's heart I'm just sharing with you the way human beings operate. I'm not saying it's right or wrong. It's just the way it is This is why it's you know, unfortunately because we no longer live in tribes We no longer live in villages We no longer live in small towns where we got to know people at a much deeper level Nor do we actually have A social circle where everybody knows everyone like in a village that it is much harder I fully agree and this is why in my coaching practice I teach you how to vet for emotional maturity because ladies if you're not able to choose emotionally mature men You could be going down this road over you could be like groundhog day going over this over and over and over again And I get how frustrating that is All right, let's do another trivia question right now before we take a question and this question is Who starred alongside justin timberlake? Who starred alongside justin timberlake in the movie friends with benefits? Let's see who gets this one who starred alongside justin timberlake in the movie friends with benefits All right, let's take some more questions Yes, lakasha writes lakisha writes deeper meaningful come by the way, I apologize for butchering people's names I'm terrible at names nadia writes. I um I also hate small talk and makes me crazy. I want the friendship, but I think many older men are so lonely So how do we get this lovely being together during covid at 10 feet apart? Well, first off, thankfully the world is opening up now texas other places are California is now opening up. I live in california. We can go to restaurants now only 20 capacity I think if two people have been vaccinated or people You know the reality is is we're seeing a significant decline in the You know the worry the need to worry about covid. I'm not saying you shouldn't worry about it But the reality is is if you want to date you got to do it face to face And it takes a hundred hours of face to face time to get to know another human being if you're not capable of investing that Then wait until you are Wait, I mean or you can do it virtually through your telephone But here's the problem with virtual connection You've spent days and weeks and hours and months and years Connecting over the phone, but it isn't real until you meet face to face That's why when I talked to that long distance person recently And we talked over the phone for hours a couple times And it didn't work out and it feels like such a letdown because all of that time is invested Ultimately Nadia If you're not going to until you're ready to do face to face dating My suggestion is you can certainly do virtual dating you can But just remember it's not real Until it's face to face Is this sinking in if it is please hit that like button. Thank you so much Karen writes right no Let me go back Karen writes if seeing a guy regularly for a couple months, but no exclusive talk How do you bring it up with him without sounding? I don't trust him Well, I'm confused of why you would suggest that it's not a trust issue So how do you bring up the exclusive conversation first and foremost ladies? I always recommend talking about before the penis gets to go inside the vagina You have the conversation about exclusive sex. Okay, in other words monogamy in other words In other words the way I'm any woman. I'm dating. I'm very simple when we are sexually intimate I'm monogamous and when I'm having sexual activity with someone I do not pursue other people I'm very point blank about that and I always say how do you operate? How do you operate? Okay, that's what I say. How do you operate? Do you subscribe to monogamy and exclusivity? Are you the type of person that would like to duty date or circular date date multiple men because if that's who you are Bye-bye from jonathan's first point of view because ladies. I don't believe in dating multiple people at the same time Now that's okay to talk to multiple people at the same time I'm talking about regular dating where you're kissing each other and eventually having sex with one another So you're four months into it. How do you have the exclusivity conversation? First off you express your needs I repeat that you express your desires. You express your needs whatever they may be just remember in my book What the heck is self-love anyway? So what that might sound like is hey tim I'm at a point in our relationship where I have It's very important me to know that I'm in relationship with someone who's not actively Putting themselves out there and seeking a relationship with someone else Especially since we're having sex. So I'd like to know where is your head at with respects to this? Are you? Actively pursuing other people or is it just the two of us? Are we exclusively dating you just ask the question remember in my book? If it's sincere and from the heart you can never say the wrong thing to the right person get my book It's called self. Love the book.com All right, I hope that helps uh Karen Hello from kenya mall okay Miss malik says do men care about women's careers in finance if they find or attractive um We care to the extent that I think human beings both men and women alike would prefer to date someone who has a stable Job or stable income and is financially secure. So to the extent that we care We mostly care that most humans can take care of themselves And so now women tend to be more attracted to the greater The job the man has the greater status. He has the more attractive he is Do we men find women who have status and job as attractive? Yeah, emotionally mature men do emotionally immature men can be insecure for a variety of reasons But do you really want to date an emotionally immature man? I highly doubt it. Hope that answers your question Nadia writes. Yes, you are saved from them or okay um Jane writes worry about okay. Sorry question kim writes What in your opinion constitutes sexual compatibility? I'm about to end 14 years of celibacy and would appreciate any advice uh Wow You know what that's a personal question, you know kim What does sexual compatibility mean to you? I mean does it mean that? You don't like oral sex or you do like oral sex. Do you like missionary position or do you like doggy style? You know, it's really what's most important the question for you to ask is What is compatible for you? and know what that is And I in my area of expertise isn't per se sex, but I will say what's most important in any Dating process is to be empowered with knowing what you want And then find people who are aligned to who you are and what you want. That would be my invitation to you kim I hope it helps and I wish you luck Okay, ross writes. I didn't know it was that challenging for me, but they should master date before I didn't know it was that challenging for me that they should master date before a date I I'm just suggesting what the movie suggested. So um take it for what it's worth. Um Jennifer writes sexual chemistry is so important. I believe ester peres has talked about sexual compatibility for sex for Successful relationships. Yes folks purchase the book mating in captivity She says one of the downfalls of most relate more seasoned relationship is a lack of erotic connection I'm gonna repeat that she says one of the downfalls for most seasoned relationships is a lack of erotic connection And so I highly recommend this book and I highly recommend Barbara de angela's book getting the love you want or how to make love all the time. This isn't a sex book This is how to be intimate with your partner at a heart centered level. By the way, nadia That's how you by the way, nadia I want to recommend you getting this book as well So you can connect with your heart from a heart centered level And this will help you lead by example for a man to connect to his heart So jennifer you are right on ester parel rocks it All right, let's take another trivia question. Oh, this is a this is a disney question Who was by the way, did anyone ever get the other question right? I didn't see it, uh, the, um The, um Groundhog day question Okay, so this question is who was the first disney princess. Who was the first disney princess? All right, let's go back and look at questions Um, oh by the way, mila kunis. That's right the movie friends with benefits And yes, we did get the other one to get right Okay Something about mary is one of my favorite movies. I roar. I'm one of my all-time favorites too Jane writes I think about sex all the time peri menopausal has made me crave it more and more Please before things stop working. I get it Sex changes the entire dynamic. That's true um All right, talk about talk about a lot of money in relationship. Shouldn't we be equally yoked Talk about a lot of money in Epilee writes shouldn't shouldn't we be equally yoked what I love about the book if the buddha dated It talks about dating from a spiritual perspective and from a dating perspective It's it subscribes to what I believe two people should invest financially Equally in the getting to know you period Let me repeat that two people should equally be investing financially in the getting to know you period It is not based on this stupid fucking book the rules. I'm sorry ladies I know you all want men to be chivalrous and to pay for things But if you really want to connect with a guy then put your money where your mouth is too and say hey You know what? I really appreciated that you treated, uh, you know the last two dates I'd like to show my appreciation take you out next time and we can take turns By the way, men will respect you far greater when you actually invest Financially in the relationship and I did a study with over 15,000 men and over a thousand men Commented and said the following when a woman financially invests in the relationship. She's a unicorn. She's one of a kind She's a keeper. She's a partner. So I'm here to say you by the way I know many of you prefer the traditional expectation We got to throw traditional shit out the window because if that's working so great then keep doing what you're doing I'm here to say if you really want to impress a guy Say to him. Hey look, I really appreciated you treated on our first date I'd like to treat you the next time we go out or I'd like to treat for breakfast or I'd like to treat for something else Because it's coming from a place of generosity and not from a place of expectation I know you bought into this whole bullshit masculine and feminine shit Which you all know if you follow my work, you know, I can't stand that bullshit rhetoric because it is a lot of it Is misinformed ladies I'm all for empowerment ladies. I am all for female empowerment. I'm all for male empowerment I'm all for humor and empowerment. This is why I recommend book after my book in this book in that book I recommend this book daring greatly. I'm all about empowerment not based on your gender Or whether or not you have a penis or vagina based on your humanity And so from a dating perspective, I highly recommend you equally invest in the relationship And watch men actually invest more in you you by the way, I've had my clients do this They simply said on the second or third date said hey, I'd like to treat Do you know how many of the men said wow? You're one of a kind They actually want to get to know you more because it's not big now Some of you might say some men might get angry at you If a man gets angry at your generosity Do you want to date a man that gets angry and if you and if a man tries to control this situation I'm going to tell you something. You're setting yourself up for being with a control freak. Okay, anyone who gets angry Or tries to control the situation just because under the guise of masculine chivalry If it's coming from a place of upset or anger, then he negated your generosity Do you want to be with someone who negates your generosity? No, you want to be with someone who can receive your generosity Let me just share with you all something This is a note. I have on my front door Okay, it's a note. I see every day it says open and receptive to love open and receptive to love By the way, the word easy is there because it should be when you're open and receptive to love It happens easier. There's no conflict. There's no friction going on when you're open and receptive to another human being Whether it's a man or a woman we need to become more open and receptive to one another Is this sinking in please tell me it is hit that like button if this is resonating with you And if you're angry that i'm suggesting you put your money where your mouth is i'm not your coach Okay, and i'm okay with that you there's plenty of coaches that are going to pander to the egoic way of dating I'm here to pander to the heart-centered way of connecting with another human being or at least that's my invitation Huh wow that was a big rant Let's see if anyone got the disney question, right? um Okay, I offer to pay they usually decline and see at least the offer demonstrate that's great Uh as a man if a woman offers to pay or tells me how appreciative she was that I paid She is very rare and makes me It makes me as a man feel good Let me read by the way ladies. This is coming from a guy He says as a man if a woman offers to pay and or tells me how appreciative she is that I did pay She is very rare and makes me as a man feel good. Remember this topic is four things men wish you knew Let me just tell you there's the fifth thing that I forgot to add here and that's that's the part We men feel so Unappreciated for our efforts because of this whole fucking backwards You know patriarchal way that this whole dating process was set up and men today Want to feel just as appreciated as women do And when men feel appreciated they lean into the relationship. They don't lean back They lean into the replaced relationship just like this man shared. Thank you so much for validating what I said Mindy says I pay for my portion of a date or pay for the tip or if he gets the bill this time I get the bill next time. I love that. By the way, I'll never forget. I had a date with a woman once And we had a really good time and I paid by the way, I typically pay because I want to show generosity Um, I've been conditioned that way We were leaving the place. We had both uh parked It was public parking. We had to pay for the parking and her car was in front of me And when Mike and she had paid for her parking, we'd already said good night And as I was leaving the parking attendant said she picked up your parking. It was like five bucks I got to tell you that totally touched me. I I mean i'm still to this day I mean this was 10 years ago. I still feel it viscerally. I feel that generosity viscerally I can't tell you how many women how few women I should say make that kind of effort and so Whenever it happens. I am floored. I still to this day I can vividly remember that action of generosity and I've had hundreds of dates in my lifetime So you want to make an impact on a guy? Pick up the valet the next time say I've got it Show that you're going to invest in getting to know him If you want a second date if you expect to see this person the second time. Anyway, that's my suggestion Um, I guess I'm dating once a month at Panera that What that is what I can afford maybe some of us shouldn't date because we can't afford to I disagree just It's look at Let's face it being in a relationship is an investment. It's an investment of resources It's an investment of time. It's investment of the energy And so if you're capable of going out with your girlfriends on a night out Then you're capable of investing with a guy. I do believe that if you're unable to invest If you're unable to pay for your fair share when you got with your girlfriends Then I have to ask you What are you going to contribute in the relationship because one of the fundamentals going back to the book eight dates is the money Conversation now you can have a man that pays for everything. That's certainly capable But guess what happens when a man pays for everything? He gets the permission to Blow you off whenever he wants and this is psychologically true for a lot of ego-based men if they've paid for everything Then they feel entitled to ghost you ditch you whenever they want. I'm not saying it's right I'm just saying they emotionally immature men have that capacity This is why it's important to have conversations early on and talk about these things Rather than creating it from a place of expectation But here's the deal just you can absolutely go out with a guy And by the way, you could date a rich guy too and he might cover everything Don't be unafraid. Just don't be unafraid to date Be confident to talk about it. That's what I want to invite you is to talk about things Um, let's see Some messages have been retracted. Oh snow white. You got it, right, Cheryl um Jess writes i'm not able to go out with my friends often. So I got it got you. Okay um Let's see if there's any it Jess it's about being together not always spending money on a date. There are many cheap options or free options That's absolutely true. There are a lot of different ways In fact with my most significant relationship our first few dates where we just got together for drinks at each other's homes We weren't unafraid to be in each other's homes. We had a bottle of wine and we chatted over appetizers You can there's so much you can by the way ladies You know what we should be doing instead of the grand expectation of being taken out How about we spend more time hanging out? Hanging out is actually how you get to know another human being instead of going out How about hang out together now? This is tricky because we're meeting strangers these days This is why it's important to vet people and if you have to vet for You might even have to do background checks to do this. Um Let's just hope that you can vet by looking at their facebook page by looking at their social media finding out who their friends are I'm a big proponent of asking a shitload of questions early on Before you ever get too deep with another human being and that's my invitation But hanging now some people say oh someone just wrote hanging out leads to netflix and chill slippery slow. That's bullshit I disagree You know if you if you're saying a relationship is now i'm a most by the way Most married couples all they did during the pandemic was netflix and chill Okay, so i'm just here to say it's just one form of doing something And it's not if you're talking with one and now i agree watching movies over and over and over again Isn't healthy But you can watch a movie and then discuss it or you can watch a documentary and discuss it Or you can watch a youtube video together and discuss it That's how you get to know another human being is talk to one another and that's what i'm inviting everyone to do All right And netflix could be cuddle time. Yes indeed. All right. I'm going to ask one more question before we wrap up today And that is All right. I mentioned ben stiller. So we have a ben in what? Um In which in what film does ben stiller play a life insurance underwriter who falls in love with a former classmate In what film does ben stiller play in life insurance underwriter who falls in love with this former classmate? Let's see who gets that right All right, daniel writes and this will be our last question for the evening Avoid a guy friend. We've been friends for a year had sex a couple Had sex a couple times still friends now. He asked me if I thought he would be good boyfriend Should I assume he was asking with me as a potential girlfriend? um I don't assume anything if you have if you're if you All right, the book the four agreements don't make assumptions Just simply ask can you be more clear on what you're talking about? Can you be more clear about what you're talking about? It's as simple as that ladies and gentlemen We have to stop being afraid to ask questions That's the real fear Going back to the fear of rejection is not fear is fear of not getting the answer you want How about just coming from a place of curiosity by the way the movie was a long cane poly not something about mary Yes, the movie is a long cane poly So i'm here to say if you want to find out what they what they Should I assume if he was asking me as a potential girlfriend? How about just asking them? Are you talking about me or someone else ladies? Don't be afraid to speak up Don't be afraid to speak up speak your truth Just do it with kindness come from a place of curiosity as I said in the beginning of this video I shared with you that one of the most important things is that we should have compassion for the sexes And not expectation based on the sexes if we throw out the expectations and just treat each other as human beings We have a greater chance of connecting at a heart-centered level And i'm here to say men are thirsty to connect there all you have to do is speak up and watch them dive in Or at least it's an invitation to dive in not all men are all men are capable Just like not all women are capable If you're capable do it and see what happens and that's my invitation for you All right, this has been a blast. Thank you so much for allowing me into your home If it's resonated with you, please hit that like button right before we sign off tonight And those who know me know first off guess who joined us before we're wrapping up salty That's connor's nick name salty and this is my stuffed animal salty So i'm going to wrap up this uh live stream as I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic drop the bear hug itself love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear a stuffed animal or pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now. Bye. Bye Thank you everyone. Bye. Bye now