 Chapter forty-five, part four, of the ragged Trousard Philanthropists, this rib of ox recording is in the public domain, recording by Tye Hines. The ragged Trousard Philanthropists by Robert Tressel, chapter forty-five, part four. It was not till the chairman had made several urgent appeals for more questions that crass brightened up, a glad smile slowly spread over and illuminated his greasy visage. Yet at last thought of a most serious and insurmountable obstacle to the establishment of the co-operative Commonwealth. What, he demanded in a loud voice, what are you going to do in this here socialist republic earse, with them what won't work? As crass flung this bombshell into the socialist camp, the miserable ragged Trousard crew around him could scarcely forbear a cheer, but the more intelligent part of the audience only laughed. We don't believe there be any such people as that," said Barrington. And there's plenty of them about now, anyway, sneered crass. You can't change human nature, you know, cried the man behind the moat, and the one who had the copper wire stitches in his boot laughed scornfully. Yes, I know there's plenty such now, rejoined Barrington, it's only what is to be expected considering that practically all the workers live in poverty and are regarded with contempt. The conditions under which most of the work is done at present are so unpleasant and degrading that everyone refuses to do any unless they're compelled. None of us here, for instance, would continue to work for Lushton if it were not for the fact that we have either to do so or starve, and when we do work we only just earn enough to keep body and soul together. Under the present system, everybody who can possibly manage to do so avoids doing any work, the only difference being that some people do their loathing better than others. The aristocracy are too lazy to work, but they seem to get on all right. They have their tenants to work for them. Lushton is too lazy to work, so he has arranged that we and Nimrod shall work instead, and he fares much better than any of us who do work. Then there's another kind of loafers who go about begging and occasionally starving rather than submit to such abominable conditions as are offered to them. These last are generally not so much worse off than we are, and are often better off. At present people have everything to gain, and but little to lose by refusing to work. Under socialism it would be just a reverse. The conditions of labour would be so pleasant, the hours of obligatory work so few, and the rewards so great, that it is absurd to imagine that anyone would be so foolish as to incur the contempt of his fellows, and make himself a social outcast by refusing to do the small share of work demanded of him by the community of which he was a member. As for what we would do to such individuals, if there did happen to be some, I can assure you that we would not treat them as we treat them now. We would not dress them up in silk and satin and broad cloth and fine linen, and we would not embellish them as you do, with jewels of gold and jewels of silver and with precious stones. Neither should we allow them to fare sumptuously every day. Our method of dealing them would be quite different from yours. In the co-operative Commonwealth there be no place for such loafers. Whether they call themselves aristocrats or tramps, those who are too lazy to work shall have no share in the things that are produced by the labour of others. Those who do nothing shall have nothing. If a man will not work, neither shall he eat. Under the present system a man who is really too lazy to work may stop you in the street and tell you that he cannot get employment. For all you know he may be telling the truth, and if you have any feeling and are able you will help him. But in the socialist state no one will have any such excuse, because everyone that was willing would be welcome to come and help in the work of producing wealth and happiness for all, and afterwards he would also be welcome to his full share of the results. Any more complaints? inquired the chairman, breaking the gloomy silence that followed. I don't want anyone to think that I'm blaming any of those present-day loafers, Barrington added. The wealthy ones cannot be expected voluntarily to come and work under existing conditions, and if they were to do so they would be doing more harm than good. They would be doing some poor wretches out of employment. They are not to be blamed. The people who are to blame are the working classes themselves who demand and vote for the continuance of the present system. As for the other class of loafers, those at the bottom, the tramps and people of that sort, if they were to become sober and industrious tomorrow they would also be doing more harm than good to the workers. It would increase the competition for work. If all the loafers in Mugsbrook could be suddenly transformed into decent house painters next week, Nimrod might be able to cut down the wages in another penny an hour. I don't wish to speak disrespectfully of these tramps at all. Some of them are such simply because they would rather starve than submit to the degrading conditions that we submit to. They do not see the force of being bullied and chased and driven about in order to gain semi-starvation and rags. They are able to get those without working, and I sometimes think that they are more worthy of respect than all together a nobler type of being than a lot of broken-spirited wretches like ourselves who are always at the mercy of our masters and always in dread of the sack. Any more questions? said the chairman. Do you mean to say that the time will ever come when the gentry will mix up on equal terms with the likes of us? The man that the man behind them votes scornfully. Oh, no! replied the lecturer. When we get socialism there won't be any people like us. Everybody will be civilised. The man behind the moat did not seem very satisfied with this answer and told the others that he could not see anything to laugh at. Is there any more questions? cried Fieldwell. Now is your chance to get some of your own back? But don't all speak at once. I should like to know who's going to do all the dirty work? said Slime. If everyone is to be allowed to choose his own trade who'd be fool enough to choose to be a scavenger, a sweep, a dust-man or a sewer-man? Nobody would want to do such jobs as them and everyone would be after the soft jobs. Of course! cried Crass, eagerly clutching at this last straw. The thing sounds alright till he comes to look into it, but it wouldn't never work. It would be very easy to deal with any difficulty of that sort, replied Barrington. If it were found that too many people were desirous of pursuing certain callings it would be known that the conditions attached to those kinds of work were unfairly easy as compared with other lines so the conditions in those trades would be made more severe. A higher degree of skill would be required. If we found that too many persons wished to be doctors, architects, engineers, and so forth, we would increase the severity of the examinations. This would scare away all but the most gifted and enthusiastic. We should thus at once stroke reduce the number of applicants and secure the very best men for the work. We should have better doctors, better architects, better engineers than before. As regards those disagreeable tasks for which there was a difficulty in obtaining volunteers, we should adopt the opposite means. Suppose that six hours was a general thing and we found that we could not get any sewer men. We should reduce the hours of labour in that department to four or if necessary to two in order to compensate for the disagreeable nature of the work. Another way out of such difficulties would be to have a separate division of the industrial army to do all such work and to make it obligatory for every man to put in his first year of state service as a member of this corps. There will be no hardship in that. Everyone gets the benefit of such work. There will be no injustice in requiring everyone to share. This would have the effect also of stimulating invention. It would be to everyone's interest to think out means of doing away with such kinds of work and there is no doubt that most of it will be done by machinery in some way or other. A few years ago the only way to light up the streets of the town was to go round to each separate gas-lamp and light each jet, one at a time. Now we press a few buttons and light up the whole town with electricity. In the future we shall probably be able to press a button and flush out the sewers. What about religion? said Slime. I suppose there won't be no churches or chapels. We shall all have to be atheists. Everybody would be perfectly free to enjoy their own opinions and to practice any religion they like, but no religion or sect will be maintained by the State. If any congregation or body of people wish to have a building for their own exclusive use as a church or chapel or lecture hall, it will be supplied to them by the State on the same terms as those upon which dwelling-houses will be supplied. The State will construct this special kind of building and the congregation will have to pay the rent, the amount to be based on the cost of construction, in paper money of course. As far as the embellishment or decoration of such places is concerned, there will of course be nothing to prevent the members of the congregation if they wish, from doing any such work as that themselves in their own spare time, of which they will have plenty. If everybody's got to do their share of the work, where's the minister and clergymen to come from? Well, there are at least three ways out of that difficulty. First, ministers of religion could be drawn from the ranks of the veterans, men over forty-five years old who had completed their term of State service. You must remember that these will not be worn out wrecks as too many of the working classes are at that age now. They will have good food and clothing and good general conditions all their lives, and consequently they will be in the very prime of life. They will be younger than many of us now are at thirty. They will be ideal men for the positions we are speaking of, all well educated in their youth and all will have had plenty of ledger for self-cultured during the years of their State service and they will have the additional recommendation that our congregation will not be required to pay anything for their services. Another way is the congregation wish to retain the full-time service of a young man whom they thought specially gifted but who had not completed his term of State service. They could secure him by paying the State for his services. Thus the young man will still remain in State employment. He would still continue to receive his pay from the National Treasury and at the age of forty-five would be entitled to his pension, like any other worker. And after that the congregation would have to pay the State nothing. A third, and as it seems to me the most respectable way, would be for the individual in question to act as minister, a pastor, a lecturer, or whatever it was to the congregation without seeking to get out of doing his share of the State service. The hours of obligatory work would be so short and the work so light that he would have an abundance of leisure to prepare his orations without sponging on his co-religionists. Dear here!" cried Harlow. Of course, said Barrington, it would not only be congregations of Christians who could adopt any of these methods. It is possible that a congregation of agnostics, for instance, might want a separate building or to maintain a lecturer. What the hell's an agnostic? demanded Bundy. An agnostic, said the man behind the moat, is a bloke who I don't believe nothing unless he sees it with his own eyes. All these details, continued the speaker, of the Organization of Affairs and the work of the Co-operative Commonwealth are things which do not concern us at all. They have merely been suggested by different individuals as showing some ways in which these things could be arranged. The exact methods to be adopted will be decided upon by the opinion of the majority when the work is being done. In the meantime, what we have to do is insist upon the duty of the State to provide productive work for the unemployed. The State feeding of children, nationalisation or socialisation of railways, land, the trust and all public services that are still in the hands of private companies. If you wish to see these things done, you must cease from voting for liberal and Tory sweaters, shareholders of companies, lawyers, aristocrats and capitalists. You must fill the House of Commons with revolutionary socialists. That is, men who were in favour of completely changing the present system and in the day that you do that you will have solved the poverty problem. No more tramping the streets, baking for a job. No more hungry children at home. No more broken boots and ragged clothes. No more women and children killing themselves with painful labour, while strong men stand idly by. But joyous work and joyous leisure for all. Is there any more questions? cried Philpot. Is it true, said Eason, that socialists intend to do away with the army and navy? Yes, it is true. Socialists believe in international brotherhood and peace. Nearly all wars are caused by profit-seeking capitalists, seeking new fields for commercial exploitation, and by aristocrats who make it the means of glorifying themselves in the eyes of the denuded common people. You must remember that socialism is not only a national, but an international movement, and when it is realised there will be no possibility of war. And we shall no longer need to maintain an army and navy or to waste a lot of labour building warships or manufacturing arms and ammunition. All those people who are now employed will be at liberty to assist in the great work of producing the benefits of civilisation, creating wealth and knowledge and happiness for themselves and others. Socialism means peace on earth and goodwill to all mankind. But in the meantime we know that the people of other nations are not yet all socialists. We do not forget that in foreign countries, just the same as in Britain, there are large numbers of profit-seeking capitalists who are so destitute of humanity that if they thought it could be done successfully and with profit to themselves, they would not scruple to come here to murder and to rob. We do not forget that in foreign countries, the same as here, there are plenty of so-called Christian bishops and priests always ready to give their benediction to any such murderous projects and to blasphemously pray to the supreme being to help his children to slay each other, like wild beasts. And knowing and remembering all this we realise that until we have done away with capitalism, aristocracy and anti-Christian clericalism, it is our duty to be prepared to defend our homes and our native land, and therefore we are in favour of maintaining national defensive forces in the highest possible state of efficiency. But that does not mean that we are in favour of the present system of organising those forces. We do not believe in conscription and we do not believe that the nation should continue to maintain a professional standing army to be used at home for the purpose of butchering men and women of the working classes in the interests of a handful of capitalists as has been done at Featherstone and Delfast or to be used abroad to murder and rob the people of other nations. Socialists advocate the establishment of a national citizen army for defensive purposes only. We believe that every able-bodied man should be compelled to belong to this force and to undergo a course of military training but without making him into a professional soldier or taking him away from civil life, depriving him of the rights of citizenship or making him subject to military law which is only another name for tyranny and despotism. This citizen army could be organised on somewhat similar lines to the present territorial force with certain differences. For instance, we do not believe as our present rulers do that wealth and aristocratic influence are the two most essential qualifications for an efficient officer. We believe that all ranks should be attainable by any man, no matter how poor, who is capable of passing the necessary examinations and that there should be no expense attached to those positions with the government grant or the pay is not sufficient to cover. The officers could be appointed in one of several ways. They might be elected by the men they have to command the only qualification required being that they pass their examinations or they might be appointed according to merit the candidate obtaining the highest number of marks at the examinations to have first call on any vacant post and so on in order of merit. We believe in the total abolition of court's martial. Any offence against discipline should be punishable by the ordinary civil law, no member of the citizen army being deprived of the rights of a citizen. What about the navy? cried several voices. Nobody wants to interfere with the navy except to make its organisation more democratic, the same as that of the citizen army and to protect its members from tyranny by entitling them to be tried in a civil court for any alleged offence. It has been proved that if the soil of this country were scientifically cultivated it is capable of producing sufficient to maintain a population of 100 million of people. Our present population is only about 40 million but so long as the land remains in the possession of the persons who refuse to allow it to be cultivated we shall continue to be dependent on other countries for our food supply so long as we are in that position and so long as foreign countries are governed by liberal and Tory capitalists we shall need the navy to protect our overseas commerce from them. If we had a citizen army such as I have mentioned of 9 or 10 millions of men and if the land of this country was properly cultivated we should be invincible at home. No foreign power would ever be mad enough to attempt to land their forces on our shores. But they would now be able to starve us all to death in a month if we were not for the navy. It's a sensible and credible position isn't it? concluded Barrington. Even in times of peace thousands of people standing idle and tamely starving in their own fertile country because a few landlords forbid them to cultivate it. Is there any more questions? demanded Philpot breaking a prolonged silence. Would any liberal or Tory capitalists like to take to the pulpit and oppose the speaker? the chairman went on finding that no one responded to his appeal for more questions. The silence continued. As there's no more questions and no one won't get up into the pulpit without my painful duty to call upon someone to move a resolution. Well Mr. Chairman said Harlow I may say that when I came to this firm I was a liberal but through listening to several lectures by Professor Owen and attending the meetings on the hill at Windley and reading the books and pamphlets I bought there from Owen I came to the conclusion some time ago that it's a mug's game for us to vote for capitalists whether they call themselves liberals or Tories they're all alike when you're working for them I defy any man to say what's the difference between a liberal and a Tory employer there is none there can't be they're both sweaters and they've got to be or they wouldn't be able to compete with each other and since that's what they are I say it's a mug's game for us to vote them into parliament to rule over us and make laws that we've got to abide by whether we like it or not there's nothing to choose between them and the proof of it is that it's never made much difference to us which party was in or which was out I've always true that in the past both of them have passed good laws but they've only done it when public opinion was so strong a favour of it that they knew there was no way of getting out of it and then it was a toss up which side did it that's the way I've been looking at things lately and it almost made up my mind never to vote no more or to trouble myself about politics at all because although I couldn't see there was no sense in voting for liberal or Tory capitalists at the same time I must admit I couldn't make out how socialism was going to help us but the explanation of it which Professor Barrington has given us this afternoon has been a bit of an eye-opener for me and with your permission I should like to move as a resolution that it is the opinion of this meeting that socialism is the only remedy for unemployment and poverty the conclusion of Harlow's address was greeted with loud cheers from the socialists with most of the liberal and Tory supporters of the present system maintained a silky silence I'll second that resolution said Easton and I lay above both ways remarked Bundy the resolution was then put and all the majority were against it the chairman declared it was carried unanimously by this time the violence of the storm had in a great measure abated but as rain was still falling it was decided not to attempt to resume work that day besides it would have been too late even if the weather had cleared up perhaps it's just as well it has rained remarked one man if it hadn't some of us might have got a sack tonight as it is to be hardly enough for us all to do tomorrow and Saturday morning even if it is fine it was true nearly all the outside was finished and what remained to be done was ready for the final coat inside all that was to do was to colour wash the walls and to give the woodwork of the kitchen and scullery the last coat of paint it was inevitable unless the firm had some other work for them to do somewhere else that there would be a great slaughter on Saturday now said Philpott assuming what he meant to be the manner of a schoolteacher addressing children as much as all to make a special effort and get here very early in the morning say about four o'clock and then what do's the most tomorrow will get a prize on Saturday all to be the sack, inquired Harlow yes, replied Philpott and not only will you get a prize for good conduct tomorrow but if you keep on walking like you've been doing lately till you're too old and worn out to do any more you'll be allowed to go to a nice war-house for the rest of your lives and each one of you will be given a title Pauper and they laughed although the majority of them had mothers and fathers or near relatives who had already succeeded to this title they laughed as they were going home crass paws at the gate and pointing to the large gable end of the house he said to Philpott you'll want the longest ladder, the 65 for that tomorrow Philpott looked up at the gable it was very high end of chapter 45 part 4 chapter 46 of the ragged trousered philanthropists this LibriVox recording is in the public domain recording by Tye Hines the ragged trousered philanthropists by Robert Tressel chapter 46 the 65 the next morning after breakfast Philpott, Salkins, Harlow and Barrington went to the yard to get the long ladder the 65 so called because it had 65 rungs it was really what is known as a builder scaffold ladder and it had been strengthened by several iron bolts or rods which passed through just under some of the rungs one side of the ladder had an iron band or ribbon twisted and nailed round it spirally it was not at all suitable for painter's work being altogether too heavy and cumbersome however as none of the others were long enough to reach the high gable at the refuge they managed with the struggle to get it down from the hooks and put it on one of the hand carts and soon passed through the streets of mean and dingy houses in the vicinity of the yard and began the ascent of the long hill there had been a lot of rain during the night and the sky was still overcast with dark grey clouds the cart went heavily over the muddy road Salkins was at the helm holding the end of the ladder and steering the others walked a little further ahead at the sides of the cart it was such hard work that by the time they were halfway up the hill they were so exhausted and out of breath that they had to stop for a rest it was a bit of all right ain't it remarked Harlow as he took off his cap and wiped his sweat from his forehead with his handkerchief while they rested they kept a good lookout for rushed in their hunter who were likely to pass at any moment at first no one made any reply to Harlow's observation for they were all out of breath and Philpott's lean fingers trembled violently as he wiped the perspiration from his face yes mate he said despondently after a while it's one way of getting a livin' and there's plenty of better ways in addition to the fact that his rheumatism was exceptionally bad he felt unusually low-spirited this morning the gloomy weather and the prospect of a long day of ladder work probably had something to do with it it's a livin' all right said Barrington bitterly he also was exhausted with the struggle of the hill and enraged by the woe-begone appearance of poor old Philpott who was panting and quivering from the exertion they relapsed into silence the unaccountable depression that possessed Philpott deprived him of all his usual jocularity and filled him with melancholy thoughts he had travelled up and down this hill a great many times before under similar circumstances and he said to himself that if he had half a quid for every time he'd parked up this road he wouldn't need to do anyone out of a job at all for the rest of his life the shop where he had been apprenticed used to be just down at the bottom the place had been pulled down years ago and the ground was now occupied by more pretentious buildings not quite so far down the road on the other side he could see the church where he used to attend Sunday school when he was a boy and where he was married just 30 years ago presently when they reached the top of the hill the fire of the other church the one in the graveyard where all those who were dear to him had been one by one laid to rest he felt he would not be sorry when the time came to join them there and possibly in the next world if there were such a place they might all be together once more he was suddenly aroused from his thoughts by an exclamation from Harlow look out, here comes Rushton they immediately resumed their journey Rushton was coming up the hill by his side they passed so close that Philpot who was on that side of the cart was splashed with mud from the wheels of the trap them some of your chops, ain't they? remarked Grinder yes, replied Rushton we're doing a job up this way I should have thought it would pay a better to use a horse for such work as that said Grinder we do use the horses whenever it's necessary for big loads, you know answered Rushton and added with a laugh the donkeys are quite strong enough for such a job as that the donkeys struggled on up the hill for about another hundred yards and then they were forced to halt again though we mustn't stop long, you know said Harlow most lately he's gone to the job and he'll wait to see how long it takes us to get there Barrington felt inclined to say that in that case Rushton would have to wait but he remained silent for he remembered that although he personally unfortunately circumcised while they were resting another two-legged donkey passed by pushing another cart or rather holding it back for he was coming slowly down the hill another heir of all the ages another imperialist a degraded brutalised wretch clad in filthy stinking rags his toes protruding from the rotten broken boots that were tied with bits of string upon his stocking this feet the ramshackle cart was loaded with empty ribbons and putrid rags he blustly in the cart and packed into a large sack all coats and trousers dresses, petty coats and under-clothing greasy mildewed and melodorous as he crept along with his eyes on the ground the man gave utterance at intervals to uncouth inarticulate sounds that's another way of getting a living said Salkins with a laugh as the miserable creature slunk past Harlow also laughed and Barrington regarded them curiously he thought it strange that they did not seem to realise that they might some day become like this man themselves I've often wondered what he does with all them dirty old rags said Philpot made into paper, replied Harlow briefly with some of them are, said Barrington and some are manufactured into shoddy cloth and made into Sunday clothes for working men there's all sorts of different ways of getting a living remarked Salkins after a pause I read in a paper the other day about a bloke what goes about looking for open trap doors and cellar flaps in front of shops and as soon as he spotted one open he used to go and fall down in it and then he'd be took to the hospital and when he got better he used to go and threaten to bring an action against the shopkeeper and get damages and most of them used to part up without going in front of the judge at all but one day a slop was all watching of him and seeing him chuck a self down one and when they picked him up they found he'd broken his leg so they took him to the hospital they came out and went round to the shop and started talking about bringing an action for damages the slop collared him and they gave him six months yes I read about that said Harlow and there was another case of a chap who was run over by a motor and they tried to make out as he put a self in the way on purpose but he got some money out of the swell at Belongta £100 I think it was I only reached out one of the motors would run into me said Philpot making a feeble attempt at a joke I lay I get some of my own back out of them the others laughed and Harlow was about to make some reply but at that moment a cyclist appeared coming down the hill from the direction of the job it was Nimrod so they resumed their journey once more and presently Hunter shot past on his machine without taking any notice of them when they arrived they found that Rushton had not been there at all but Nimrod had Crass said that he had kicked up no end of a row he had not called at the yard at six o'clock that morning for the ladder instead of going for it after breakfast making two journeys instead of one and he had also been ratty because the big gable had not been started the first thing that morning they carried a ladder into the garden and laid it on the ground along the side of the house where the gable was a brick wall about eight feet high separated the grounds of the refuge from those of the premises next door between this wall and the side of the house was a space about six feet wide and this space formed a kind of valley or lane or passage along the side of the house they laid the ladder on the ground along the passage the fort was placed about halfway through just under the centre of the gable and as it lay there the other end of the ladder reached right out to the front railings next it was necessary that two men should go up into the attic the window of which was just under the point of the gable and drop the end of a long rope down to the others who would tie it to the top of the ladder then two men would stand on the bottom rung so as to keep the foot down and the three others would have to raise the ladder up while the two men up in the attic hauled on the rope they called Bundy and his mate Ned Dawson to help and it was arranged that Harlow and Crass should stand at the foot because they were the heaviest Philpot Bundy and Barrington were to raise and Dawson and Salkins were to go up to the attic and haul on the rope where's the rope? asked Crass the others looked blankly at him none of them had thought of bringing one from the yard why ain't there one here? asked Philpot one here? of course there ain't one here! snarled Crass do you mean to say as you ain't broad one then? Philpot stammered out something about having thought that there was one at the house already and the other said that they had not thought about it at all well what a bloody hellowey to do now! cried Crass angrily I'll go to the yard and get one suggested Barrington two minutes there and back yeah and a bloody fine row there B if Hunter was to see it here is nearly ten o'clock and we ain't made a start on this gable what we ought to have started first thing this morning couldn't we tie two or three of these short ropes together? suggested Philpot those that the other two ladders were spliced with as there was sure to be a row if they delayed long enough to send to the yard it was decided to act upon Philpot's suggestion several of the short ropes were accordingly tied together but upon examination it was found that some parts were so weak that even Crass had to admit that it would be dangerous to attempt to haul the heavy ladder up with them well the only thing I can see for it, he said is that the boy will have to go down to the yard and get the long rope there won't do for anyone else to go there's been one row already about a waste of time because we didn't call at the yard for the ladder at six o'clock Burt was down in the basement of the house lime-washing a cellar Crass called him up and gave him the necessary instructions the chief of which was to get back again as soon as ever he could the boy ran off and while they were waiting for him to come back the others went on with their several jobs Philpot returned to the small gable he had been painting before breakfast which he had not quite finished as he worked a sudden and unaccountable terror took possession of him he did not want to do that other gable he felt too ill and he almost resolved that he would ask Crass if he would mind letting him do something else there were several younger men who would not object to doing it it would be mere child's play to them and Barrington had already yesterday offered to change jobs with him but then when he thought of what the probable consequences would be he hesitated to take that course and tried to persuade himself that he would probably be able to get through with the work all right he did not want Crass a hunter to mark him as being too old for ladder work Burt came back in about half an hour flushed and sweating with the weight of the rope and the speed he had made he delivered it to Crass and then returned to his cellar and went on with the lime-washing while Crass passed the word for Philpot and the others to come and raise the ladder he handed the rope to Ned Dawson who took it up to the attic accompanied by Sarkons arrived there they lowered one end of it out the window down to the others if you ask me, said Ned Dawson who was critically examining the strands of the rope as he passed it out through the open window if you ask me, I don't see as this is much better than the one we made up by tying the short pieces together he indicated to a part of the rope that was very frayed and worn and here's another place just as bad well for Christ's sake don't say nothing about it now replied Sarkons there's been enough talk and waste of time over this job already Ned made no answer and the end having by this time reached the ground Bundy made it fast to the ladder about six rungs from the top the ladder was lying on the ground parallel to the side of the house the task of raising it would have been much easier if they had been able to lay it at right angles to the house wall but this was impossible because of the premises next door and the garden wall between the two houses on account of its having to be raised in this manner the men at the top would not be able to get a straight pull on the rope they would have to stand back in the room without being able to see the ladder and the rope would have to be drawn round the corner of the window rasping against the edge of the stone sill and the brickwork the end of the rope having been made fast to the top of the ladder Crass and Harlow stood on the foot and the other three raised the top from the ground as Barrington was the tallest he took the middle position underneath the ladder grasping the rungs Philpot being on his left and Bundy on his right each holding one side of the ladder at a signal from Crass Dawson and Sarkons began to haul on the rope and the top of the ladder began to rise slowly into the air Philpot was not much use at this work which made it all the harder for the other two who were lifting besides putting an extra strain on the rope his lack of strength and the efforts of Barrington and Bundy to make up for him caused the ladder to sway from side to side as it would not have done if they had all been equally capable meanwhile upstairs Dawson and Sarkons although the ladder was as yet only a little more than half way up noticed as they hauled and strained on the rope that it had worn a groove for itself in the corner of the brickwork at the side of the window and every now and then although they pulled with all their strength they were not able to draw in any part of the rope at all and it seemed to them as if the others down below must have let go of the hold altogether or ceased lifting that was what actually happened the three men found the weight so overpowering that once or twice they were compelled to relax their efforts for a few seconds and at those times the rope had to carry the whole weight of the ladder and the part of the rope that had to bear the greatest strain was the part that chanced to be at the angle of the brickwork at the side of the window and presently it happened that one of the frayed and worn places that Dawson had remarked about was just at the angle during one of those momentary pauses on one end there hung the ponderous ladder straining the frayed rope against the corner of the brickwork and the sharp edge of the stone sill at the other end were Dawson and Sorkins pulling with all their strength and in that instant the rope snapped like a piece of thread one end remained in the hands of Sorkins and Dawson who reeled backwards into the room and the other end flew up into the air writhing like the lash of a gigantic whip for a moment the heavy ladder swayed from side to side Barrington standing underneath with his hands raised above his head grasping one of the rungs struggled desperately to hold it up at his right stood Bundy also with his hands raised holding to side and on the left between the ladder and the wall was Philpot for a brief space they strove fiercely to support the overpowering weight but Philpot had no strength at all the ladder swaying over to the left crashed down, crushing him upon the ground and against the wall of the house he fell face downwards with the ladder across his shoulders the side that had the iron bands twisted round it fell across the back of his neck forcing his face against the bricks at the base of the wall he uttered no cry and was quite still with blood streaming from the cuts on his face and trickling from his ears Barrington was also hurled to the ground with his head and arms under the ladder his head and face were cut and bleeding and he was unconscious none of the others was hurt for they had all time to jump clear when the ladder fell their shout soon brought all the other men running to the spot and the ladder was quickly lifted off the two motionless figures at first it seemed that Philpot was dead but Easton rushed off for a neighbouring doctor who came in a few minutes he knelt down and carefully examined the crushed and motionless form of Philpot while the other men stood by in terrified silence Barrington, who fortunately was both momentarily stunned, was sitting against the wall and had suffered nothing more serious than minor cuts and bruises the doctor's examination of Philpot was a very brief one and when he rose from his knees even before he spoke they knew from his manner that their worst fears were realised Philpot was dead Barrington did not do any more work that day but before going home he went to the doctor's house and the ladder dressed the cuts on his head and arms Philpot's body was taken away on the ambulance to the mortuary Hunter arrived at the house shortly afterwards and at once began to shout on bully because the painting of the gable was not yet commenced when he heard of the accident he blamed them for using the rope and said they should have asked for a new one before he went away he had a long private conversation with Crass who told him that Philpot had no relatives and that his life was insured for ten pounds in a society of which Crass was also a member he knew that Philpot had arranged that in the event of his death the money was to be paid to the old woman with whom he lodged who was a very close friend the result of this confidential talk was that Crass and Hunter came to the conclusion that it was probable that she would be very glad to be relieved of the trouble of attending to the business of the funeral and that Crass as a close friend of the dead man and a fellow member of the society was the most suitable person to take charge of the business for her he was already slightly acquainted with the old lady so he would go to see her at once and get her authority to act on her behalf of course they would not be able to do much until after the inquest but they could get the coffin made as Hunter knew the mortuary keeper there would be no difficulty about getting in for a minute to measure the corpse this matter having been arranged Hunter departed to order a new rope and shortly afterwards Crass having made sure that everyone would have plenty to do while he was gone quietly slipped away to see Philpot's landlady he would also secretly that amended not know that he had been away at all until his own come back just before twelve o'clock the new rope was brought to the house about one o'clock and this time the ladder was raised without any mishap Harlow was put on to paint the gable and he felt so nervous that he was allowed to have sockets to stand by and hold the ladder all the time everyone felt nervous that afternoon and they all went about their work in an unusually careful manner when Bert had finished linewashing the cellar Crass said him to work outside painting the gate of the side entrance while the boy was thus occupied he was accosted by a solemn looking man who asked him about the accident the solemn stranger was very sympathetic and inquired what was the name of the old man who had been killed and whether he was married Bert informed him that Philpot was a widower and that he had no children ah well that's so much the better isn't it said the stranger shaking his head mournfully this is dreadful thing you know when there's children left unprovided for you don't happen to know where he lived do you yes said Bert mentioning the address and beginning to wonder what the solemn man wanted to know for and why he appeared to be so sorry for Philpot since it was quite evident that he had never known him thanks very much said the man pulling out his pocketbook and making a note of it thanks very much indeed good afternoon and he hurried off good afternoon sir said Bert and he turned to resume his work Crass came along the garden just as this mysterious stranger was disappearing round the corner what did he want said Crass who had seen the man talking to Bert I don't know exactly he was asking about the accident and whether Joe left any children and where he lived he must be a very decent sort of chap I should think he seems quite sorry about it ha he does does he said Crass with a peculiar expression don't you know who he is no replied the boy but it all perhaps he was a reporter of some paper he ain't no reporter that's all snatch him the undertaker he's smelling around after a job but he's out of it this time smart as he thinks he is Barrington came back the next morning to work and at breakfast time there was a lot of talk about the accident they said that it was all very well for Hunter to talk like that about the rope but he had known for a long time that it was nearly worn out Newman said that only about three weeks previously when they were raising the ladder at another job he had shown the rope to him and misery had replied that there was nothing wrong with it several others beside Newman claimed to have mentioned the matter to Hunter and each of them said that he had received the same sort of reply but when Barrington suggested that they should attend the inquest and give evidence to that effect they all became suddenly silent and in a conversation Barrington had afterwards with Newman the latter pointed out that if he were to do so it would do no good to Philpot they would not bring him back but it would be sure to do himself a lot of harm he would never get another job at Rushton's and probably many of the other employers would mark him as well so if you say anything about it concluded Newman don't bring my name into it Barrington was constrained to admit that all things considered it was right for Newman to mind his own business he felt that it would not be fair to urge him or anyone else to do or say anything that would injure themselves misery came to the house about eleven o'clock and informed several of the hands that his work was very slack they would get their back day at paytime he said that the firm had tended for one or two jobs so that they could call around about Wednesday and perhaps then he might be able to give some of them another start Barrington was not one of those who are stood off although he had expected to be on account of the speech he had made at the Beano and everyone said that he would have got the push sure enough had it not been for the accident before he went away Nimrod instructed Owen and Crass to go to the yard at once they would there find Payne the carpenter who was making Philpott's coffin which would be ready for Crass to varnish by the time they got there misery told Owen that he left the coffin plate and the instructions with Payne and added that he was not to take too much time over the writing because it was a very cheap job when they arrived at the yard Payne was just finishing the coffin which was of Elm all that remained to be done to it was the pitching of the joints inside and Payne was in the act of lifting the pot of boiling pitch off the fire to do this as it was such a cheap job there was no time to polish it properly so Crass proceeded to give it a couple of coats of spirit varnish and while he was doing this Owen wrote the plate which has made a very thin zinc lacquered over to make it look like brass Joseph Philpott died September 1st 19th something aged 56 years the inquest was held on the following Monday morning and as both Rushton and Hunter thought it possible that Barrington might attempt to impute some blame to them they had worked the oracle and had contrived to have several friends of their own put on the jury there was however no need for their alarm because Barrington could not say that he had himself noticed or called Hunter's attention to the state of the rope and he did not wish to mention the names of the others without their permission the evidence of Crass and the other men who were called was to the effect that it was a pure accident none of them had noticed that the rope was unsound Hunter also swore that he did not know of it none of the other men had ever called his attention to it if they had done so he would have produced a new one immediately Philpott's landlady and Mr. Rushton were also called as witnesses and the end was that the jury returned a verdict of accidental death and added that they did not think that any blame attached to anyone the coroner discharged the jury and as they and the witnesses passed out of the room Hunter followed Rushton outside with the hope of being honoured by a little conversation with him on the satisfactory issue of the case but Rushton went off without taking any notice of him so Hunter returned to the room where the court had been held to get the coroner's certificate authorising the interment of the body this document is usually handed to the friends of the deceased or to the undertaker acting for them when Hunter got back to the room he found that during his absence the coroner had given it to Philpott's landlady who had taken it with her he accordingly hastened outside again to ask her for it but the woman was nowhere to be seen Crass and the other men were also gone they had hurried off to return to work and after a moment's hesitation Hunter decided that it did not matter much about the certificate Crass had arranged a business with the landlady and he could get the paper from her later on having come to this conclusion he dismissed the subject from his mind he had several prices to work out that afternoon estimates from some jobs the firm was going to tender for that evening after having been home to tea Crass and Salkins met by appointment at the carpenter's shop to take the coffin to the mortuary where misery had arranged to meet them at half past eight o'clock Hunter's plan was to have the funeral take place from the mortuary which was only about quarter of an hour's walk from the yard so tonight they were just going to lift in the body and get the lid screwed down it was blowing hard and raining heavily when Crass and Salkins set out carrying the coffin covered with a black cloth on their shoulders they also took a small pair of trestles for the coffin to stand on Crass carried one of these slung over his arm and Salkins the other on their way they had to pass the cricketers and the place looked so inviting that they decided to stop and have a drink just to keep the damp out and as they could not very well take the coffin inside with them they stood it up against the brick wall a little way from the side of the door as Crass remarked with a laugh that there was not much danger of anyone pinching it the old deer served them and just as they finished drinking the two half pints there was a loud crash outside and Crass and Salkins rushed out to find that the coffin had blown down and was lying bottom upwards across the pavement while the black cloth that had been wrapped around it was in the middle of the muddy road having recovered this they shook as much of the dirt off as they could and having wrapped it round the coffin again they resumed their journey to the mortuary where they found hunter waiting for them engaged in airing their conversation with the keeper the electric light was switched on and as Crass and Salkins came in they saw that the marble slab was empty the corpse was gone Snatcham came this afternoon with a hand-truck and a coffin explained the keeper I was out at the time and the missus thought it was all right so she let him have the key Hunter and Crass looked blankly at each other well this takes the biscuit said the latter as soon as he could speak I thought you said you'd settled everything all right with the old woman said Hunter so I did replied Crass I seen her on Friday and I told her to leave it all to me to attend to and she said she would I told her that Philpott said to me that if ever anything happened to him I was to take charge of everything for her because I was his best friend and I told her we'd do it as cheap as possible well it seems to me as if you bungle it somehow said Nimrod gloomily I ought to have gone and seen her myself I was afraid you'd make a mess of it he added in a wailing tone it's always the same everything that I don't attend to myself goes wrong an uncomfortable silence fell Crass thought that the principal piece of bungling in this affair was Hunter's failure to secure possession of the coroner's certificate after the inquest but he was afraid to say so outside the rain was still falling and drove in through the party open door causing the atmosphere of the mortuary to be even more than usually cold and damp the empty coffin had been reared against one of the walls and the marble slab was still stained with blood so the keeper had not had time to clean it since the body had been removed I can see how it's been worked, said Crass at last there's one of the members of the club who works for Snatcham and he's took it on himself to give the order for the funeral but he's got no right to do it right on no right he's done it, replied misery so you'd better take that box back to the shop Crass and Salkins accordingly returned to the workshop where they were presently joined by Nimrod I've been thinking this business over as I came along, he said and I don't see being beat like this by Snatcham so you two can just put the trestles and the box on the handcart and we'd take it over to Philpott's house Nimrod walked on the pavement while the other two pushed the cart and it was about half past nine when they arrived at the street in Windy where Philpott used to live they halted in a dark part of the street a few yards away from the house and on the opposite side I think the best thing we can do, said misery is for me and Salkins to wait here while you go to the house and see how the land lies using all the business with her so far it's no use taking the box unless we know the corpse is there for all we know Snatcham may have taken it home with him yes I think that'd be the best way agreed Crass after a moment's thought Nimrod and Salkins accordingly took shelter in the doorway of an empty house leaving the handcart at the curb while Crass went across the street and knocked at Philpott's door they saw it opened by an elderly woman holding a lighted candle in her hand then Crass went inside and the door was shut in about a quarter of an hour he reappeared and leaving the door partly open behind him he came out and crossed over to where the others were waiting as he drew near they could see that he carried a piece of paper in his hand it's all right, he said in a hoarse whisper as he came up I've got the certificate Misery took the paper eagerly and scanned it by the light of a match that Crass struck it was the certificate right enough and with a sigh of relief Hunter put it into his notebook and stowed it safely away in the inner pocket of his coat while Crass explained the result of his errand it appeared that the other member of the society accompanied by Snatcham had called upon the old woman and had bluffed her into giving them the order for the funeral it was they who had put her up to getting the certificate from the coroner they had been careful to keep away from the inquest themselves so as not to arouse Hunters or Crass's suspicions when they brought her body home this afternoon Crass went on Snatcham tried to get the certificate out of her but she'd been thinking things over and was a bit frightened because she'd known she'd made arrangements with me and she thought she'd better see me first so she told him she'd give it to him on Thursday that's the day he was going to have the funeral he thought he'd do it a day too late said Misery with a ghastly grin we get the job done on Wednesday she didn't want to give it to me at first, Crass concluded but I told her we'd see her right if old Snatcham tried to make her pay for the coffin I don't think he's likely to make much fuss about it, said Hunter he won't want everybody to know we were so anxious for the job Crass and Sockens pushed the hand-card over to the other side of the road and then lifting the coffin off they carried it into the house Nimrod going first the old woman was waiting for them with a candle at the end of the passage I should be very glad when it's all over she said as she led the way up the narrow stairs closely followed by Hunter who carried the trestles Crass and Sockens bringing up the rear with a coffin I should be very glad when it's all over for I'm sick and tired of answering the door to undertakers if there's been one here since Friday there's been a dozen all after the job not to mention all the cards what's been put under the door besides the ones what I've had given to me by different people I had a pair of boots being mended and the man took the trouble of bringing them home when they was finished I think he's never done before just for an excuse to give me an undertaker's card then the milkman brought one and sold it to Baker and the green grocer gave me another one I went in there on Saturday to buy some vegetables for Sunday dinner arrived at the top of the landing the old woman opened the door and entered a small and wretchedly furnished room across the lower sash of the window hung a tattered piece of lace curtain the low ceiling was cracked and discoloured there was a rickety little wooden wash-stand and along one side of the room a narrow bed covered with a ragged grey quilt on which lay a bundle containing the clothes that the dead man was wearing at the time of the accident there was a little table in front of the window with a small looking-glass upon it and the cane-seated chair was placed by the bedside and the floor was covered with a faded piece of drab-coloured carpet of no perceptible pattern worn into holes in several places in the middle of this dreary room upon a pair of trestles was a coffin containing Philpott's body seen by the dim and flickering light of the candle the aspect of this coffin covered over with a white sheet was terrible in its silent pathetic solitude Hunter placed the pair of trestles he had been carrying against the wall and the other two put the empty coffin on the floor by the side of the bed so the candle-stick on the mantel-piece and withdrew remarking that they would not need her assistance the three men then removed their overcoats and laid them on the end of the bed and from the pocket of his crass took out two large screwdrivers one of which he handed to Hunter Sorkins held the candle while they unscrewed and took off the lid of the coffin they had brought with them it was not quite empty for they had brought a bag of tools inside it I think we should be able to work better if he takes the other one off the trestles and puts it on the floor remarked Crass Yeah, I think so too replied Hunter Crass took off the sheet and threw it on the bed revealing the other coffin which was very similar in appearance to the one they had brought with them being of elms with the usual imitation brass furniture Hunter took hold of the head and crass the foot and they lifted it off the trestles onto the floor eh, he's not very heavy, that's one good thing observed Hunter he always was a very thin chap replied Crass the screws that held down the lid had been covered over with large headed brass nails which had to be wrenched off before they could get at the screws of which there were eight altogether it was evident from the appearance of the heads of these screws that they were old ones that had been used for some purpose before they were rusty and of different sizes some being rather larger or smaller than they should have been they were screwed in so firmly that by the time they had drawn half of them out the two men were streaming with perspiration after a while Hunter took the candle from Sockens and the latter had a try at the screws many one would think the damn things had been there for a hundred years remarked Hunter savagely as he wiped the sweat from his face and neck with his handkerchief kneeling on the lid of the coffin and panting and grunting with the exertion the other two continued to struggle with their task suddenly Crass uttered an obscene curse he had broken off one side of the head of the screw he was trying to turn and almost at the same instant a similar misfortune happened to Sockens after this Hunter again took a screwdriver himself and when they got all the screws out with the exception of the two broken ones Crass took a hammer and chiseled out of the bag and proceeded to cut off what was left of the tops of the two that remained but even after this was done the two screws still held the lid on the coffin and so they had to hammer the end of the blade of the chisel underneath and lever the lid up so that it could get hold of it with their fingers it split up on one side as they tore it off exposing the dead man to view although the marks of the cuts and bruises were still visible on Philpott's face they were softened down by the pallor of death and a placid peaceful expression pervaded his features his hands were crossed upon his breast and as he day there in the snow-white grave clothes almost covered in by the white lace frill that bordered the sides of the coffin he looked like one in a profound and tranquil sleep they lay the broken lid on the bed and placed the two coffins side by side on the floor as close together as possible Sarkin stood at one side holding the candle in his left hand and ready to render with his right any assistance that might unexpectedly prove to be necessary Crass, standing at the foot took hold of the body by the ankles while Hunter at the other end sees it by the shoulders with his huge claw-like hands which resemble the talons of some obscene bird of prey and they dragged it out and placed it in the other coffin whilst Hunter hovering ghoulishly over the corpse arranged the grave clothes and the frilling Crass laid the broken cover on the top of the other coffin and pushed it under the bed out of the way then he selected the necessary screws and nails from the bag and Hunter having by this time finished they proceeded to screw down the lid then they lifted the coffin onto the tressels covering it over with a sheet and the appearance it then presented was so exactly similar to what they had seen when they first entered the room that it caused the same thought to occur to all of them suppose Snatcham took it into his head and come there to take the body out again if he were to do so and take it up to the cemetery there might be compelled to give up the certificate to him and then all that trouble would be lost after a brief consultation they resolved that it would be safer to take the corpse on the handcart to the yard and keep it in the carpenter's shop until the funeral which could take place from there Crass and Salkins accordingly lifted the coffin off the tressels and while Hunter held the light proceeded to carry it downstairs a task of considerable difficulty owing to the narrowness of the staircase and the landing however they got it down at last and having put it on the handcart covered it over with a black wrapper it was still raining the lamp in the cart was nearly out so Salkins trimmed the wick and relit it before they started Hunter wished them good night at the corner of the street because it was not necessary for him to accompany them to the yard they would be able to manage all that remained to be done by themselves he said he would make the arrangements for the funeral as soon as he possibly could the next morning and he would come to the job to let them know as soon as he himself knew at what time they would have to be in attendance to act as bearers he had gone a little distance on his way he stopped and turned back to them it's not necessary for either of you two to make a song about this business, you know he said the two men said that they quite understood that he could depend on their keeping their mouths shut when Hunter had gone Crass drew out his watch it was a quarter to eleven a little way down the road the lights of a public house were gleaming through the mist we should be just in time to get a drink in before closing time if we book up he said they hurried on as fast as they could when they reached the tavern they left the cart standing by the curb and went inside where Crass ordered two points of fore ale which he permitted Salkins to pay for how are we going on about this job inquire the latter after they had each taken a long drink for they were thirsty after their exertions I reckon we ought to have more than a bob for it don't you it's not like an ordinary lift in of course it ain't replied Crass say, reflecting say half a dollar each at the very least little enough too said Salkins I was going to say half a crown myself Crass agreed that even half a crown would not be too much how are we going to go about charging it on our time sheets asked Salkins after a pause if we just put a lift in they might only pay us a bob as usual as a rule when they had taken the coffin home they wrote on their time sheets one lift in for which they were usually paid one chilling unless it happened to be a very high-class funeral when they sometimes got one in sixpence they were never paid by the hour for these jobs Crass smoked reflectively I think the best way will be to put it like this he said at length Phil Potts funeral one lift out and one lift in also taking the corpse to the carpenter shop how would that do Salkins said that it would be a very good way to put it and they finished their beard just as the landlord intimated that it was closing time the cart was standing where they had left it the black cloth saturated with rain which dripped mournfully from its sable folds when they reached the plot of waste ground over which they had to pass in order to reach the gates of the yard they had to proceed very cautiously for it was very dark and the lantern did not give much light a number of carts and lorries were standing there and the path wound through pools of water and heaps of refuse after much difficulty and jolting they reached the gate which Crass unlocked with the key he had obtained from the office earlier in the evening they soon opened the door of the carpenter shop and after lighting the gas they arranged the trestles and then brought in the coffin and placed it upon them then they locked the door and placed the key in the usual hiding place but the key of the outer gate they took with them and dropped into the letterbox at the office which they had to pass on their way home as they turned away from the door they were suddenly confronted by a policeman who flashed his lantern in their faces and demanded to know why they had tried the lock the next morning was a very busy one for Hunter who had to see several new jobs commenced they were all small affairs most of them would only take two or three days from start to finish attending to this work occupied most of his morning but all the same he managed to do the necessary business connected with the funeral which he arranged to take place at two o'clock on Wednesday afternoon from the mortuary where the coffin had been removed during the day Hunter deciding that it would not look well to have the funeral start from the workshop although Hunter had kept it as quiet as possible there was a small crowd including several old workmates of Philpots who happened to be out of work waiting outside the mortuary to see the funeral start and amongst them were Bill Bates and the Semi-Drunk who were both sober Barrington and Owen were also there having left work for two days in order to go to the funeral they were there too in a sense as the representatives of the other workmen for Barrington carried a large wreath which had been subscribed for voluntarily by Rushton's men they could not all afford to lose time to attend the funeral although most of them would have liked to pay that tribute of regard to their old mate so they had done this as the next best thing attached to the wreath was a strip of white satin ribbon upon which Owen had painted a suitable look upon which Owen had painted a suitable inscription promptly at two o'clock the hearse and the morning coats drove up with Hunter and the four bearers crass, slime, pain and sarkens all dressed in black with frock coats and silk hats although they were nominally attired in the same way there was a remarkable dissimilarity in their appearance Crass's coat was of smooth, intensely black cloth having been recently died and his hat was rather low in the crown being of that shape that curved outwards towards the top Hunter's coat was a kind of surge with a rather lusty cast of colour and his hat was very tall and straight slightly narrower at the crown than at the brim as for the others each of them had a hat of a different fashion and date and their black clothes ranged from lusty brown to dark blue these differences were due to the fact that most of the garments had been purchased at different times from different second hand clothes shops and never being used except on such occasions as the present they lasted for an indefinite time when the coffin was brought out and placed in the hearse Hunter laid upon it the wreath that Barrington gave him together with another one that he had brought himself which had a similar ribbon with the words from Rushton and Coe with deep sympathy seeing that Barrington and Owen were the only occupants of the carriage Bill Bates and the semi-drunk came up to the door and asked if there was any objection to their coming and as neither Owen nor Barrington objected they did not think it necessary to ask anyone else's permission so they got in meanwhile Hunter had taken his position a few yards in front of the hearse and the bearers each his proper position two on each side as the procession turned onto the main road they saw snatchum standing at the corner looking very gloomy Hunter kept his eyes fixed straight ahead and affected not to see him but Crass could not resist the temptation to indulge in a jeering smile which Owen raided snatchum that he shouted out it don't matter I shan't lose much I can use it for someone else the distance to the cemetery was about three miles so as soon as they got out of the busy streets of the town Hunter called a halt and got up on the hearse beside the driver Crass sat on the other side and two of the other bearers stood in the space behind the driver's seat the fourth getting up beside the driver of the coach and then they proceeded at a rapid pace as they drew near to the cemetery they slowed down and finally stopped when about fifty yards from the gate then Hunter and the bearers resumed their former position they passed through the open gate and up to the front door of the church where they were received by the clerk a man in a rusty black cassock who stood by while they carried the coffin in and placed it on a kind of elevated table which revolved on a pivot they brought it in foot first as soon as they had placed it on the table the clerk swung it round so as to bring the foot of the coffin towards the door ready to be carried out again there was a special pew set apart for the undertakers and in this Hunter and the bearers took their seats to await the arrival of the clergyman Barrington and the three others sat on the opposite side there was no altar or pulpit in this church but a kind of reading desk stood on a slightly raised platform at the other end of the aisle in about ten minutes the clergyman entered and at once proceeding to the task began to recite in a rapid and wholly unintelligible manner the usual office if it had not been for the fact that each of the heroes had a copy of the words for there was a little book in each pew none of them would have been able to gather the sense of what the man was gabbling under any other circumstances the spectacle of a human being mouthing in this absurd way would have compelled laughter that this individual really believed that he was addressing the supreme being his attitude and manner were contemptuously indifferent while he recited intoned or gabbled the words of the office he was reading the certificate and some other paper the clerk had placed on the desk and when he had finished reading these his gaze wandered abstractedly around the chapel resting for a long time with an expression of curiosity upon bill-baits and the semi-drunk who were doing their best to follow in their books the words he was repeating next turned his attention to his fingers holding his hand away from him nearly at arm's length and critically examining the nails from time to time as this miserable mockery proceeded the clerk in the rusty black cassock mechanically droned out as sonorous amen and after the conclusion of the lesson the clergyman went out of the church taking a shortcut through the gravestones of monuments while the bearers again shoulder the coffin and follow the clerk to the grave when they arrived within a few yards of their destination they were rejoined by the clergyman who was waiting for them at the corner of one of the paths he put himself at the head of the procession with an open book in his hand and as they walked slowly along he resumed his reading or repetition of the words of the service he had an old black cassock and a much soiled and slightly torn surplus the unseemly appearance of this dirty garment was heightened by the circumstance that he had not taken the trouble to adjust it properly it hung all lopsided showing about six inches more of the black cassock underneath one side than the other however perhaps it is not right to criticize this person's appearance so severely because the poor fellow was paid only seven and six for each burial and as this was only the Ford funeral he had officiated that day probably he could not afford to wear clean linen at any rate not for the funerals of the lower classes he continued this unintelligible jargon while they were lowering the coffin into the grave and those who happened to know the words of the office by heart were with some difficulty able to understand what he was saying for as much as it has pleased Almighty God of his great mercy to take unto himself the soul of our dear brother here departed we therefore commit his body to the ground earth to earth ashes to ashes, dust to dust the earth fell from the clerk's hand and rattled on the linen of the coffin with a mournful sound and when the clergyman had finished repeating the remainder of the service he turned and walked away in the direction of the church Hunter and the rest of the funeral party made their way back towards the gate of the cemetery where the hearse and the carriage were waiting other way they saw another funeral procession coming towards them it was a very plain looking closed hearse with only one horse there was no undertaker in front and no bearers walked by the sides of the pauper's funeral three men evidently dressed in their Sunday clothes followed behind the hearse as they reached the church door four old men who were dressed in ordinary everyday clothes came forward and opening the hearse took out the coffin and carried it into the church followed by the other three who were evidently relatives of the deceased the four old men were paupers inmates of the workhouse who were paid six minutes each for acting as bearers they were just taking out the coffin from the hearse as Hunter's party was passing and most of the latter paused for a moment and watched them carry it into the church the roughly made coffin was a white deal not painted or covered in any way and devoid of any fittings or ornament with the exception of a square piece of zinc on the lid none of Russian's party was near enough to recognise any of the mourners or to read what was written on the zinc but if they had been they would have seen roughly painted in black letters J.L. age 67 and some of them would have recognised the three mourners who were Jack Linden's sons as for the bearers they were all retired working men who had come into their titles one of them was old Latham the Venetian blind maker End of chapter 47