 I asked you recently what videos you would like me to make and the one that came out really popular was I'm Autistic, here's how you can help me and I'm really happy to make a video on this but I have to start from the top by saying this is a video about how you can help me. So when you've met one Autistic person, you've met one Autistic person, we're all very different. So some of these ideas might help you to help someone else but they're told from my point of view. Okay so I'm going to give you three things. So the first one is don't tell me that I don't seem Autistic. This is something that happens quite a lot if I tell people about the fact that I've been diagnosed with autism. It was a diagnosis that came really late. I really struggle with it as a diagnosis because sometimes I feel it's not right for me to kind of own this label because I don't feel like my problems are bad enough or something. I don't know it's difficult and it's been difficult for me to come to terms with it and to own it and to yeah I've got a lot of mixed feelings about it. However one thing I have found is that actually being open about it and explaining to people the difficulties that I face and how this feels for me as an adult woman has actually really helped to open up conversations, improve people's understanding and I'm trying to be much more kind of out there about it. So I'm trying to own that label. So it's really unhelpful for me, like really difficult for me when people turn around and get why you didn't seem Autistic or try and say well it must be wrong or you know that kind of thing. I am. I work really hard all the time to come across as normal because I've done that all my life. We all do that all the time but when you're Autistic it's kind of more of a challenge. So I work really really hard and the fact that maybe to you I seem like neurotypical and I can pass most of the time as being like you doesn't mean to say that this isn't hard for me and I think that's something that's really worth just acknowledging from the office how hard everyday situations can be for me and I spent a lot of my life trying to engage with kind of normal everyday things that I feel I should be enjoying because society tells me I should enjoy them and they're really hard and often they leave me really really stressed, really really anxious, really really overwhelmed. I've begun to engage with life quite differently now that I've got the diagnosis and I've got a better understanding of self and I'm a bit more accepting kind of myself but long and short here is don't tell me I don't seem Autistic. A, like what does that even mean? I don't see Autistic I mean it's a meaningless thing to say it's really like invalidating really challenging and yeah I don't know yeah so just think carefully about that yeah I feel like this is quite negative. Ask me questions like ask me questions about it but like people sometimes don't want to ask questions that's fine ask me away like I'm fascinated by it and I'm often really fascinated to find how I think differently to other people and how I find things different that's fine ask away like be inquisitive just don't dismiss it. Secondly in terms of how you can help me please don't change things suddenly so this is something which I think is in common with many Autistic people we find life is much easier if things are predictable there's a certain routine we might do things in a certain way it might not make sense to you but that might just be how we do things and it can be really difficult if things change unexpectedly that's really hard to manage and can create a lot of anxiety and worry and uncertainty and just makes life harder there's more complicated sums that have to go on in our heads to figure out life when it changes and it can just make us generally uncomfortable things which seem really tiny to many people can feel massive to me and other people who are autistic sometimes so for example like really simple example in my house at home then I sit in the same place for dinner every day like around the table and sometimes there are more people for dinner and sometimes there are less people for dinner and sometimes everyone else in the family might move around or someone might just sit in a different seat because they feel like it that never ever happens for me I sit in the same place and if I go somewhere else to eat I will sit in the same place in relation to other people as I normally would so I'll always sleep on the same side of the bed sit on the same side of the sofa sit the same place around the table and that's fine and taking away that uncertainty which seems so small and pathetic probably to everyone else but to me it's complicated and taking away that uncertainty just means that I've got a little bit more capacity to manage other stuff so not having to think about where I'm going to sit and being in a different place in the room and having different kind of sensory stimuli around me because I'm in the same place I always am makes it easier that means then I'm much more able to engage in like conversation around the table for example which is also you know not always easy for me so yeah don't kind of change things suddenly except if I want to do things in a kind of certain way and that might seem odd to you but you know just let it go it doesn't need to be challenged you can again ask be inquisitive explore it sometimes I don't even realize I'm doing these things and I'm really interested too so explore it that's fine but don't just suddenly change things and that also goes for like plans or you know all sorts of stuff I like to know kind of what's happening I like things to happen in a similar way if possible I like things to be predictable and consistent and to not change that said some people might feel differently to this so again don't assume that this applies to all autistic people this applies to me and some autistic people finally like a third thing you can do to help me is to give me space and time and reassurance so it can take me longer to manage kind of everyday things and it might take other people so it might take me longer to understand what's kind of going on in a conversation if things are moving quickly or for me in my work I don't necessarily understand like the feeling in the room this is something I find particularly hard so I do a lot of keynote speaking and workshops and stuff like that and often I have no idea if people in the room are kind of hanging on my every word or if they're completely bored like I can't tell the difference at all and so I look for reassurance and usually I'm pretty upfront about that and say I'm autistic I can't read the room every now and then I'll ask you if this is going okay if it is tell me if it's not tell me again I really don't mind people being really blunt I am really blunt and it's okay you can just tell me if something's not okay or if I say something that offends you and you need me to do something in a different way just tell me and I'll fix it I'm not going to pick up on nuance I don't do that it's difficult for me just be honest and straightforward with me but yeah give me a little bit more space a little bit more time particularly in new situations it might take me a little bit longer to kind of get to grips with things and again sometimes people forget this because I'm you know bright and really high functioning and I seem really confident that doesn't mean to say that I'm not frantically paddling below the water remember the swan so I'm the swan I'm trying to effortlessly glide across the surface and appear cool calm and collected but I'm frantically paddling all the time sometimes I just need a little bit of space and time and quiet to paddle so you know again things that you can do that helpful sometimes just quiet just being calm and quiet we don't have to be constantly talking that can help give me a bit of space asking me if I need a bit of space if I want a bit of time out I spend a lot of time hiding I go hide in toilets on my car just to get a bit of time and space so give me space space is really really helpful and reassurance if I'm doing things right I'm doing things well I'm managing okay let me know but if I'm not if I've got it wrong if I've offended you or things aren't going as you want them to tell me and I'll fix it there you go three things you can do to help me don't dismiss my autism try to understand it don't change things unnecessarily or suddenly and respect that I might like things to be consistent and give me space time and reassurance but please let me know if I've got things wrong so there you go above all though please just ask me I would love to know your questions leave comments down below if you have questions and I'll tackle them in another video and like I say I can tell them from my point of view obviously I have got pretty good understanding of autism I teach about it a lot and I help people support young people with autism why don't have a great expertise in is like adult women with autism because it's kind of you know been really under recognized for a long time so I'm having to sort of learn as I go and it's puzzling and confusing and sometimes quite scary but I'm learning and I'm interested and I'm interested to know what you want to know too so if you want to know more leave a comment and I'll do my best to answer okay please subscribe and stay safe be kind to yourselves see you next time