 Good morning my beautiful internet friends. Welcome back to my channel. Thank you so much for joining me here today Today I wanted to share with you a personal decision that I've made a journey that I'm embarking on I'm not sure how it's gonna go and I wanted to talk about it with you guys in this video I'm going to discuss why I've decided to try to stop taking the antidepressant that I've been on under doctor supervision Which is a very important point here and before we actually launch into the video I just want to make sure that something is really really crystal clear I am in no way advocating that anyone get off of any medication that they are on I'm in no way saying that getting off a medication is better than being on it because for some people that is not the case I don't think any medication is bad I think that medications are there for a reason and should be taken when they're needed. I'm just discussing a personal decision I'm making in my own life to see how it affects my mental and my physical health Also, I would love to give a huge shout out to my patrons over my patreon for sponsoring this and my other videos I couldn't do this without you guys and I really appreciate it If you're interested in financially supporting this channel and being a part of that community check out the link on Screen or down below I want to start off by saying that if anyone had suggested to me that I stopped taking the antidepressant I've been on for seven years now even a year ago if they'd suggested that I would have panicked a little bit I had a doctor once asked me if I'd considered it if it was like a thought that I had he wasn't saying I should do it But I was like no and I don't want to upset the balance because I know how life Felt like before I was on this and I'm not interested in going back to staring at walls with tears streaming down my face Feeling like the world was ending and everything was empty and numb and I was dying, but somehow still alive Like I really don't want to go back to that so no, but over the past year. I read a couple books. I've done some research I've done some personal thinking and about the beginning of 2020 I thought I think I want to try to see what life would be like off of this medication around the beginning of 2020 I began trying to come off of some of the other medications that I was on The whole reason for this was just to see what I really need still because a lot of the medications I was taking for migraines for physical pain for sleep for nightmares I had been on for a long time and a lot had changed since I first started taking those drugs And I honestly wasn't sure how they were affecting me. I honestly wasn't sure if they were still doing anything I wasn't sure if they needed to be in my body or not again If I needed to take something all a hundred percent take it I just wasn't convinced that I needed to you know And there are a lot of other factors that go into this like the the cost of taking all those medications and the anxiety that I felt about Well, what if they get cut off? What if they can't be filled? What if I'm traveling and I lose it and I'm dependent on these things It was a real source of anxiety for me so slowly But surely I started coming off of things under doctor supervision in a timeline Spaced out sort of way like this was a slow and steady process I didn't go cold-torqueing on anything because that's not the way to do it with most of these and I was shocked To discover that I could come off of the medication I've been taking for six years for nightmares and for sleep and for kind of generalized anxiety I came off that and was honestly, okay Then I came off another one I've been taking for migraines that was supposed to kind of prevent them But honestly, I don't think it did that much and I came off it and I was fine And then my biggest accomplishment of 2020 is I stopped taking all opiate based medications I have not had to take them at all since I stopped aside from two nights when I couldn't sleep because the pain was so bad I'd been on really strong medications for almost a decade Heavy pain killers like high doses of heavy narcotics for years I'd been on and I was able to come off of them and that blew my mind And I'm so grateful that my body is in a place where I'm able to do that right now Where I'm able to manage the pain that I'm in in a few other ways But but this one Right here Neupropion or well-rutron is one that I was really terrified to even consider to start coming off of because like I said I remember what life was like when I wasn't on an antidepressant and I'll tell you what that's something I never want to go back to the moment where I considered talking to a doctor about it for the first time I remember sitting in the basement of a house I was living with my parents and I don't know how long I was sitting there But I was sitting in my desk chair staring at the wall Legitimately just sobbing without noise for hours. I don't know. I couldn't move I couldn't think my body felt like it weighed a million pounds I was so so not okay and so did not want to be alive like being alive seemed like the stupidest dumbest Most worthless pointless thing I could do and I'm glad that I had just enough presence of mind and support around me To realize maybe I need to talk to more people about this Maybe I need to try other options and I went on this medication and it honestly made a difference It took me about six weeks to adjust to being on it But once I adjusted I was like oh Some days I wake up and I'm not at a negative 10 the moment I wake up some days I wake up and I'm just like a negative two or maybe even some days a zero So it was very effective for me and there was no reason for me to really think about not taking it for a very long time Up until recently and so I had a doctor's appointment via Video phone call a few days ago where I talked with my doctor in depth about what I was hoping to accomplish And how I was feeling and he suggested that yeah We may really want to try to come off of it slowly and see how you feel I talked to him about the side effects because I know that like if you stop taking certain anti-depressants Bad things can happen like there can be really bad side effects and he said you know You can never really predict that but for this one if you come off of it kind of half of time We'll see how that goes. So you have the dosage that I was on I've been on half of it for three days Now I still feel okay I still feel alright, but I know that this is a long journey because these medications have been in my system for a very Very long time and I would not be surprised if I started feeling some effects from coming off of them in the near future But presently the plan is that I will come off of half the dosage for two weeks check in with him See how I'm feeling then we'll decide what to do after that the with the the goal being hopefully I can come Off of all of it at that point, but again, we're gonna try to take this really slow It's gonna be a continual conversation with my doctor I'm in a very different place now than I was when I first started taking anti-depressants And it's not that I don't struggle with mental health issues or with depression I absolutely still do there are some days that are really really tough even recently but I've learned so much about myself and how to take care of myself and Who's going to help me with that over the last many years that I feel like now is the time to do it If I'm gonna give it a try I am so very lucky to have an incredible husband who is so supportive of all of this and to have family and friends who are Nearby so I'm not doing this alone, which I am so like I said so thankful for since I started coming off of this I've been trying more than anything not to think about it like to just take the medication I need in the morning then go on with the rest of my day and not think about the fact that I am Cutting this out of my system and what's going to happen And am I going to sink back into a really really dark place again one of the biggest reasons I feel ready to do this now is because I've been trying to proactively address areas of my life that I know Needed help and these areas of my life to a large part come out of that book lost connections that I mentioned Lost connections is all about the true causes of depression. It's very well researched. It's very highly regarded Chemical and genetic issues are part of those nine causes, but there are other things that can contribute as well Of course like trauma like being disconnected from people in your life Like being disconnected from meaningful work like struggling with real financial issues and not having security and stability Not having any kind of hopeful future being disconnected from nature things like that None of them are a cure-all like some people suggest when I when I said disconnected from nature all I can hear in my head Is people being like oh you're depressed you should get outside more the way that people? Simplify that down is just so frustrating sometimes so that's not what I'm saying here But what I've been trying to do is look at these different categories Am I actually connected with the people who are around me? Do I feel connection am I giving and receiving that am I investing in meaningful relationships that I actually Want to be investing in and over the past year? I've really been trying to do that I've been trying to be intentional about the people I have in my life for the first time in a long time I feel like I have community here like I know the people who are around me I know their lives and I know that they care about me I've been trying to get outside very intentionally more often because I know that for me personally I feel a lot better when I'm able to do that I feel a lot better when I'm Outside away from people away from stuff and things and I'm just able like to breathe and exist and be it's been really good for me So I've been trying to very Thoughtfully put that into my day even if it's not convenient There are a number of different things that I've been trying to do But I feel like I'm in a place where I am prepared to do this at least as prepared as one can be I'm not gonna lie and say that I'm not concerned because again I remember what life felt like before this and I was not a fan of it But the other thing is there's nothing saying that I can't go back on this if it is working for me if it is helping things There's nothing stopping me from doing that It's just if this is a tool that I don't need to use anymore if antidepressants are a tool and they are not effectively serving me I don't want to be using that tool. I want to be using different ones and so in two weeks I will give you an update video on how all of this is going on if it's gone Well on how I'm doing how I'm physically and mentally feeling because I think that this is a question a lot of us have I know so many people watching are on antidepressants or have been in the past Coming off of them can be a really scary and nerve-wracking thing. It can be an exciting thing for some people too I think it's all of the above for me. I'm really excited to see how this goes I think for a long time I was kind of waiting for the perfect situation to arise in which life would be perfectly balanced and stable and okay And then that's when I could try to come off of this medication in particular But frankly that time is never going to come. At least I don't think so I would be thrilled if it did but I don't expect life to suddenly be like normal and fantastic and easy for a long time, right? So all things considered all factors considered. I think I have what's needed. What's in place for me to give this a try right now and We'll see how it goes. Thank you for being along for the journey. I really appreciate it Have you ever tried to come off of any medications you've been on for a long time? And how was your experience with that? Have you found antidepressants for really helpful for you or not? Everyone has different responses and reactions. Everybody's body chemistry is different We all experience things a little bit differently And if you feel like sharing your experience in the comment section down below feel free to I would love to hear from you I do read all comments though. I do not have a chance to always reply I am able to still read all of them and I really love hearing your stories and your comments and your thoughts So thank you a huge Thank you goes out to all my patrons over on patreon truly so much for continuing to support me throughout this time Throughout the last year and a half you guys are amazing and I really appreciate all you're doing for me If you're interested in joining patreon what that is is it's a way that you can financially support this channel and also get some perks in return Like some early access videos and some behind-the-scenes and early updates and things of that nature So check it out The link is on screen and also will be in the description down below and to you watching this video right now Thank you so much for choosing to spend a few minutes out of your day here with me today You could be anywhere in this world doing anything and you chose to sit down and hang out with me for a few minutes I really appreciate that I love you guys I'm thinking about you and I'll see you in the next video