 Another, today, I want to talk to you about kakal thing. I don't know what's happened. I don't know how the world has changed so much, but suddenly, this is what I'm getting in my emails. Like literally every week, two to 300 emails from guys, mostly, and I say guys because in all of these emails that have come, there have been two from women. It's always from the men, several men writing in, talking about how they want their wives to sleep with lots of other men and then they are going to get turned on by watching them. And I don't know where this is coming from. Like I said, as the world changed, has our ideas of pleasure changed that drastically? Or, and this is my theory and you can tell me what you think, is it just this idea of porn? When you watch porn and it's all about just watching it and not actually having to do any work towards it, watching it, coming to that, somebody else sort of is doing all the work. I personally think that this is actually coming to us from just too much watching a porn. Tell me, what do you think? As an interesting theory, I think it could be true because there is something about instant gratification, right, in this thing idea. Like if you're so, if your relationship with sex has become a visual one, where there are a lot of people who used to come to us who would say that now I'm unable to have penetrative sex because or I need to watch my wife or I need to watch porn ultimately for me to have an orgasm because I can't have a penetrative orgasm any longer because their relationship with sex or an orgasm had become through masturbation or through pornography. And so to break that pattern and to make it more relational and to make it more involved with their partner was something that one had to work with. So that is a good theory in some ways that it might be a lazy way of saying, I enjoy, I can come, I can have an orgasm, I can masturbate and rather than it being a random person it's actually the person I'm in a relationship with. So it's kind of like life porn could be. I hope it's not because I would want it to be more of a fetish or a desire or a fantasy rather than a replacement. I know, but it's kind of strange in how much the numbers have grown. I don't know if this is one of those things that everybody's always thought at some point. I don't know if this is one of those exciting parts that goes through everybody's mind but as we go through the talk today I'm gonna give you examples of people who haven't quite thought it through. So there are some people who have sort of written in and said, oh yeah, my partner, my wife, my girlfriend is totally into it. In other ones, I'm actually getting messages. Like there was this one guy who wrote to me saying that when we do this as a role play my wife is really great about it. She's brilliant. We have the most fantastic sex because we role play that she's that she's cocking me that she's having sex with somebody else and I'm watching. But whenever I tell her, okay now I want to also do it in person. Apparently she whacked him one and said, are you mad at what kind of guy do you think you are and what kind of family do you think we live in? And he was very upset. And he actually wrote to me and said, how do I get her to change your mind? How do I convince her? And for me, this is just like, it's a fascinating. Like I would love to explore this more because in some ways we are moving away on the surface. It will feel like we're moving away from you are mine and you may more types, you know, and you, if you're going to be only mine and nobody else's and if anybody touches you, I will kill them kind of like, you know, machismo that we used to hear before. And what we're searing on the surface, it feels like, oh, they're changing. You know, there's like, there's width and there's depth and they're willing. You know, they're not being all like egoistic because in that element, what I'm talking about, it was like owning the other person. You know, there was objectification and owning. So on surface, it might feel like and they might portray as they're not. But in reality, they're doing the exact same thing because it's still their fantasy. It's still what they want. It's still their desire. They're not once did I hear you say, oh, my wife and I really enjoy cuckolding. You know, and my wife really like feels aroused when I watch her have sex. So I have heard nothing about the wife or the wife's desires or what she wants. It's just being replaced with nobody will touch what I own. And now it's changed to I own her and I want to see her being touched by somebody else or have sex with somebody else. So it feels still problem actually very objectified and actually while we're on this point, I will actually tell you about a particular guy who wrote into me and I really, at one point, I think it's very seldom that I get that worked up but I really did get very worked up on this email and I will tell you what it's about. But it's like you said, it's all about the male gaze. It's about the male fantasy. I've had women write into me and say, my husband wants me to do this. It makes me sick. I want to throw up. Husband is still insisting. You know, there are people saying, there are guys writing into me and saying, I want to do this. I want my wife to do this. Can you advise me on what kind of bold to get for her? So they're actually asking me, what kind of man they should get to have sex with their wife rather than even this fit is not being discussed with the wife. And it's not her choice who she wants to have sex with. It's about who they want to see. And it's not even their choice. It's not even the husband's choice. It's your choice of who should have sex with their wife. And it is, it's, and you know, and when you talk about that, like I just feel like what I would like to say is like, we're not people putting people down if they want to engage with cuckolding. It's not saying we're not having a judgment around it. However, it involves three people. And understanding the consent of three people, desires of three people is really important. They should be all willing participants in it to have, you know, and they all should feel aroused by it. But most importantly, there are a lot of risks to it. So have the maturity. Don't think about it just, you know, and we did a similar video about three sums about how it's not as simple as, oh, it's one night I'm going to get somebody else. It can have lasting impact on your relationship. You know what? This is actually just the right moment for me to tell you about this one particular email that came in. And, you know, I don't always get worked up, but you'll see what I mean at the end of this particular email. So this guy writes in and he says he's got his girlfriend and she's not very keen on being physical, on being sexual. And he's kind of trying to suggest it to her over a period of time. And then one day he gets this idea. Now this is, he's talking about his girlfriend who is already not very physical or very sexual. He gets this idea that he would like to see her having sex with somebody else. So he's decided this. So he says, and he's written all this in his email. He says, I decide to start dropping hints about my cousin who's really very popular with the girls, girls love him because he's such a good lover and you know, and all this sort of thing. And she's still a little bit disinterested. So he thinks, okay, she's not really reacting. Invites the cousin over one time and says that while he's sitting over there, he starts making out with this girl. And as he starts making out, he kind of gestures to the cousin and the cousin also then starts to kiss her a little bit. And he says that, you know, she kind of accepted it but didn't think too much and didn't say too much in this part. So he decides, we're going to do it one more time. So he invites them over again and they start doing this again. Now here's what happens. He says that since then, I'm very upset because she has started to get in touch with him. They've started having chats. And my cousin is very good. He tells me exactly what's going on. She's trying to keep it hidden. I am so angry with her, he says, because she's cheating on me by talking to this guy behind. And apparently she said, no, no, nothing like, you know, I'm just having casual chats and he's the one actually getting in touch with me. But I have seen the messages on my cousin's phone and she's the one showing interest. I'm sorry. Do you not want to just, I don't know, like shake? Yeah, as in, you know, my first reaction when you spoke about the moment where firstly he starts having sex with, or it gets intimate with her in the presence of someone else feels like a breach and then suggests that somebody else should have sex with her without actually her permission, feels really uncomfortable and assumption that she felt okay with it and then he drew it again. So I just, you know, obviously I want to be respectful for the person who's message and thing. And I'm hoping that this is all consensual and this is thing. But for the viewers out there, you know, I hope that is true. That he, you know, was the prior discussion had happened and she consented and she feels impoverished enough to say no to both these men who just decide to make out with her at whatever time. But yeah, this speaks really to people not thinking through this. There is a risk, like the reality is if you are on shaky grounds in relationships or new ground to relationships or whatever, you're inviting competition in some ways, right? So you are inviting competition. And if you invite competition, there is a chance that you will lose and somebody else might be preferred, somebody else might be thinking, and especially if you do it without the consent of your partner, the chances of losing this relationship become that much higher as well. So people should really consider this. You know, what really stands out for me in all of these emails is that it is, like I said, mostly the men writing in and they're talking about how they want something. I have not got these emails from women, except two, like I said, and I haven't read in these emails that we both want to do it. That also is very, they're there, but very, very rare that, you know, there is one guy who wrote in and said that my wife actually prefers to sleep with somebody else. We've always had a bull for her because, you know, she doesn't really like to have sex with me and I actually enjoy it in this way as well. So, you know, fine, that's a consensual relationship. But I think for a lot of the other people who have written in, this is like a brand new fantasy. And it is going from being fantasy to fetish where they're actually wanting to try it out. You know, there is, like, okay, there was this one guy who wrote to me and said something about his girlfriend who is a lot more outgoing. He said that he's an introvert. She's an extrovert and she's also bisexual and she's told him very clearly that this is what she would like to be doing, that she will have other partners. And he wrote in saying that I find that very hard to deal with. And then he went on to say that as a guy, I find this really hard to deal with because I feel that this, you know, if we are with each other, we should belong to each other. And the fact that she wants to go out and sleep with other people is not sitting well with me. And, you know, here is the man who is now taking the privilege of voicing his opinion to which he has every right. He doesn't have to take somebody else's decision. But he is voicing his opinion. In the letters that I've got, the women are not getting to voice their opinion. And in situations like this, they're not getting to voice their opinion. Yeah, and I think what you're really speaking to is that when you speak about the idea for fantasy and we've spoken about that you can fantasize whatever you want to fantasize. But when, so, if it is a fantasy and it is an exciting fantasy, it is very different from playing it out in the real life because playing it out in the real life means staying with visuals, staying with, you know, relationships that will be intimate between you and your partner. You will have to stay with those ideas of like visuals of your partner being with somebody, having a relationship with somebody else. You have the risk of what if the partner likes having sex with that person far more than having sex with you. That is a potential that can happen. And, you know, like the example you were taking and I was thinking, God, you have really, you're not really being smart about this because you're choosing a guy who's better with the women, who is better with like the ladies, is attractive. And you're saying, come, come have sex with my girlfriend who is not interested in sex. And so it's just like, you know, I have you really considered your relationship. So I'm not, you know, making, I'm not trying to make fun of this person, but what I'm in all seriousness saying is, please have a little bit of a reflective process about your relationship and where your relationship is and what it is, is there trust, is there mutual respect, is there mutual, you know, communication where you are pretty sure that when you introduce this fantasy, which you want to convert into a reality that your relationship will survive it. And when I say survive it, it doesn't mean scrape through, it will blossom after this versus shatter after this. So I do think that's something that people really need to consider, you know, before taking the plunge, but fantasize a way, like we're not saying don't fantasize, fantasize a way, discuss it with your partner, get excited by it, but consider it when you want to convert it into a real thing. Yeah, I think we've done this particular session before, but just to reiterate the last time Anvita said, you know, if this is what you want to do as a fantasy, coupling is your fantasy, instead of going straight into it and making it happen in front of you and then never being able to go back from that, create scenarios, have stories, discuss those, get excited to the narrative because creating scenarios and role-playing can be very, very exciting. So do that rather than going straight in because truly I know that there are different people looking at it in different ways. I really believe that for the major part of the people writing in, this is coming from watching porn, you know, you get so used to sitting back and just watching something on screen, not having to work, you know, because if you have to bring your partner to orgasm, you have to work hard for that. It's not gonna come easy, but on porn, you just sit there, watch somebody else is doing all the hard work, you ejaculate, you're fine. So as the man in that relationship, as the penis owner in that relationship, please understand that this is not going to play out like it, you know, you can't turn off the, like you can with a video or a television, you can't turn this off and walk away. Yeah. And then the other person, and like you've said repeatedly through this video, that the needs, the desires, the wishes, the consent of the other partner, male or female need to be really considered. And we've always said this about a fetish or a fantasy. It needs to be a fetish or a fantasy for both partners. Otherwise it doesn't work. Otherwise you need to go find a partner who has, you know, who shares a similar desire or fetish or fantasy like you, but imposing it on your partner who might not be keen. It's just a recipe for disaster of a relationship. So I think in closing, what we'd like to say is that, think this through. That's the most important thing. You have other things that you can do. If this is a fantasy, fantasize about it. Start with creating role play and stories around it. It can be very exciting. Start off slowly. And if you are going to take that final step, once you've discussed it with your partner, be prepared for the fact that there can be consequences to it. Make sure that it's consensual, which means that both people want it equally and make sure that there's a lot of trust in that relationship. Otherwise, as Anita said, it is a recipe for disaster. I know that it sounds like a very exciting thing because it's the trending thing. Would you believe it's the trending thing at the moment? And as Anita said, we are not judging. We don't mind who wants to go and get cuckolded. It's a desire out there. You're not the first people to think, okay, you won't be the last. So it's not as if this is something that's so bad and it shouldn't be done. It is happening. Everybody wants to be part of it, but please, there's far more to it than you imagined. So think it through. If you found that useful, please do like, comment, subscribe as always. Stay healthy, stay well, stay safe and stay mentally comfortable in your relationship. And we'll see you over here again very soon.