 CHAPTER 7 THE MISPLACED ATTACHEMENT THE MISPLACED ATTACHEMENT It would be an interesting and curious speculation, but as we have not sufficient space to devote to it here, we simply state the fact that the numbers of the old boys have been gradually augmenting within the last few years, and that they are at this moment alarmingly on the increase. Upon a general review of the subject, without considering it minutely in detail, we should be disposed to subdivide old boys into two distinct classes. The gay old boys and the steady old boys. The gay old boys are pointy old men in the disguise of young ones, who frequent the quadrant and regent street in the daytime, the theatres, especially theatres under lady management at night, and who assume all the foppishness and levity of boys, without the excuse of youth or inexperience. The steady old boys are certain stout old gentlemen of clean appearance, who are always seen in the same taverns, at the same hours every evening, smoking and drinking in the same company. There was once a fine collection of old boys to be seen round the circular table at offleys every night, between the hours of half-past eight and half-past eleven. We have lost sight of them for some time. There were, and maybe still, for ought we know, two splendid specimens in full blossom at the rainbow tavern in Fleet Street, who always used to sit in the box nearest the fireplace, and smoked long cherry-stick pipes, which went under the table, with the bowls resting on the floor. Grand old boys they were, fat, red-faced, white-haired old fellows. Always there, one on one side of the table, the other opposite, puffing and drinking away in great state. Everybody knew them, and it was supposed by some people that they were both immortal. Mr. John Downs was an old boy of the latter class. We don't mean immortal, but steady. A retired, glove-and-braces-maker, a widower, resident with three daughters, all grown up and all unmarried, in Curseter Street, Chancellery Lane. He was a short, round, large-faced, tubbish sort of man, with a broad brimmed hat, and a square coat, and had that grave-but-confident kind of role, peculiar to old boys in general. Breakfast at nine, dress, and tit-fait a little, down to the Sir Somebody's head, a glass of ale, and the paper, come back again, and take daughters out for a walk, dinner at three, glass of grog, and pipe, nap, tea, little walk, Sir Somebody's head again, capital house, delightful evenings. There were Mr. Harris, the law-stationer, and Mr. Jenkins, the road-maker, two jolly young fellows like himself, and Jones, the barrister's clerk, rum-fellow that Jones, capital company full of anecdote, and there they sat every night, till just ten minutes before twelve, drinking their brandy and water, and smoking their pipes, and telling stories and enjoying themselves, with a kind of solemn joviality, particularly edifying. Sometimes Jones would propose a half-priced visit to Drury Lane or Covent Garden to see two acts of a five-act play, and a new farce, perhaps, or a ballet, on which occasions the whole four of them went together, none of your hurrying and nonsense, but having their brandy and water first, comfortably, and ordering a steak and some oysters for their supper against they came back, and then walking coolly into the pit, when the rush had gone in, as all sensible people do, and did, when Mr. Downs was a young man, except when the celebrated Mausta Betty was at the height of his popularity, and then, sir, then Mr. Downs perfectly well remembered, getting holiday from business, and going to the pit, doors at eleven o'clock in the four-noon, and waiting there till six in the afternoon, with some sandwiches and a pocket-handkerchief, and some wine and a file, and fainting, after all, with the heat and fatigue, before the play began, in which situation he was lifted out of the pit, into one of the dress-boxes, sir, by five of the finest women of that day, sir, who compassionate his situation and administered restoratives, and sent a black servant six-foot-high, in blue and silver livery, next morning with their compliments, and to know how he found himself, sir, by G. Between the acts, Mr. Downs and Mr. Harris and Mr. Jenkins used to stand up and look round the house, and Jones, knowing fellow that Jones, knew everybody, pointed out the fashionable and celebrated Lady So-and-So in the boxes, at the mention of whose name, Mr. Downs, after brushing up his hair and adjusting his neckerchief, would inspect the aforesaid Lady So-and-So through an immense glass and remark, either, that she was a fine woman, very fine woman, indeed, or that there might be a little more of her age, Jones, just as the case might happen to be. When the dancing began, John Downs and the other old boys were particularly anxious to see what was going forward on the stage, and Jones, wicked dog that Jones, whispered little critical remarks into the ears of John Downs, which John Downs retailed to Mr. Harris, and Mr. Harris to Mr. Jenkins, and then they all four laughed, until the tears ran down out of their eyes. When the curtain fell, they walked back together, two and two, to the stake and oysters. And when they came to the second glass of brandy and water, Jones, hoaxing his camp that Jones, used to recount how he had observed the Lady in white feathers, in one of the pit boxes, gazing intently at on Mr. Downs all the evening, and how he had caught Mr. Downs. Whenever he thought no one was looking at him, bestowing ardent looks of intense devotion on the Lady in return. On which Mr. Harris and Mr. Jenkins used to laugh very heartily, and Mr. Downs more heartily than either of them, acknowledging, however, that the time had been when he might have done such things, upon which Mr. Jones used to poke him in the ribs, and tell him that he had been a sad dog in his time, which John Downs with chuckles confessed. And after Mr. Harris and Mr. Jenkins had preferred their claims to the character of having been sad dogs, too, they separated harmoniously and trotted home. The decrees of fate, and the means by which they are brought about, are mysterious and inscrutable. John Downs had led this life for twenty years and upwards, without wish for change, or care for variety, when his whole social system was suddenly upset and turned completely topsy-turvy, not by earthquake or by some other dreadful convulsion of nature, as the reader would be inclined to suppose, but by the simple agency of an oyster. And thus it happened. Mr. John Downs was returning one night from the somebody's head to his residence in Curseta Street, not tipsy, but rather excited, for it was Mr. Jennings's birthday, and they had had a brace of partridges for supper, and a brace of extra glasses afterwards, and Jones had been more than ordinarily amusing, when his eyes rested on a newly opened oyster shop, on a magnificent scale, with natives laid one deep in circular marble basins in the windows, together with little round barrels of oysters directed to lords and baronets, and kernels and captains, and every part of the habitable globe. Behind the natives were the barrels, and behind the barrels was a young lady of about five and twenty, all in blue and all alone, splendid creature, charming face, and lovely figure. It is difficult to say whether Mr. John Downs's red countenance illuminated as it was by the flickering gas light in the window, before which he passed, excited the lady's rice-ability, or whether a natural exuberance of animal spirits proved too much for that stateness of demeanor which the forms of society rather dictatorially prescribe. But certainly it is that the lady smiled, then put her finger upon her lip, with a striking recollection of what was due to herself, and finally retired in oyster-like bashfulness to the very back of the counter. The sad dog sort of feeling came strongly upon John Downs. He lingered. The lady in blue made no sign. He coughed. Still she came not. He entered the shop. Can you open me an oyster, my dear? said Mr. John Downs. Yes, I can, sir," replied the lady in blue, with playfulness, and Mr. John Downs ate one oyster, and then looked at the young lady, and then ate another. And then squeezed the young lady's hand as she was opening the third, and so forth, until he had devoured a dozen of those at eight-pence, in less than no time. Can you open me a half a dozen more, my dear? inquired Mr. John Downs. I'll see what I can do for you, sir," replied the young lady in blue, even more bewitchingly than before, and Mr. John Downs ate half a dozen more of those at eight-pence. You couldn't manage to get me a glass of brandy and water, my dear, I suppose? said Mr. John Downs when he had finished the oysters, in a tone which clearly implied his supposition that she could. I'll see, sir," said the young lady, and away she ran out of the shop and down the street, her long, urban ringlets shaking in the wind, in the most enchanting manner. And back she came again, tripping over the cold-seller lids like a whipping-top, with a tumbler of brandy and water, which Mr. Downs insisted on her taking a share of, as it was regular ladies' grog, hot, strong, sweet, and plenty of it. So the young lady sat down with Mr. John Downs in a little red box with a green curtain, and took a small sip of the brandy and water, and a small look at Mr. John Downs, and then turned her head away, and went through various other seriopantamimic fascinations, which forcibly reminded Mr. John Downs of the first time he courted his first wife, and which made him feel more affectionate than ever. In pursuance of which affection, and actuated by which feeling, Mr. John Downs sounded the young lady on her matrimonial engagements. When the young lady denied having formed any such engagements at all, she couldn't obey other men. There were such deceivers. Whereupon Mr. John Downs inquired whether this sweeping condemnation was meant to include other than very young men, on which the young lady blushed deeply. At least she turned away her head, and said Mr. John Downs had met her blush. So, of course, she did blush. And Mr. John Downs was a long time drinking the brandy and water, and at last John Downs went home to bed, and dreamed of his first wife and his second wife, and the young lady, and partridges and oysters and brandy and water, and disinterested attachments. The next morning John Downs was rather feverish with the extra brandy and water of the previous night, and partly in the hope of cooling himself for an oyster, and partly with a view of ascertaining whether he owed the young lady anything or not, went back to the oyster shop. If the young lady had appeared beautiful by night, she was perfectly irresistible by day, and from this time forward a change came over the spirit of John Downs's dream. He bought shirtpins, wore a ring on his third finger, read poetry, bribed a cheap miniature painter to perpetrate a faint resemblance to a youthful face, with a curtain over his head, six large books in the background, and an open country in the distance. This he called his portrait. Went on, altogether, in such an uproarious manner, that the three missed ounces went off on small pensions, he having made the tenement in Cursida Street too warm to contain them, and, in short, comported and demeaned himself in every respect like an unmitigated old Saracen, as he was. As to his ancient friends, the other old boys, at the Susumbotys Head, he dropped off from them by gradual degrees, for, even when he did go there, Jones, vulgar fellow that Jones, persisted in asking, where was it to be, and whether he was to have any gloves, together with other inquiries of an equally offensive nature, and which, not only Harris laughed, but Jenkins also. So he cut the two all together, and attached himself solely to the blue young lady at the Smart Oyster Shop. Now comes the moral of the story, for it has a moral after all. The last mentioned young lady, having derived sufficient profit to an emolument from John Downs' attachment, not only refused when matters came to a crisis, to take him for better, for worse, but expressly declared, to use her own forcible words, that she wouldn't have him at no price. And John Downs, having lost his old friends, alienated his relations, and rendered himself ridiculous to everybody, made offers successively to a school mistress, a landlady, a feminine tobacconist, and a housekeeper, and, being directly rejected by each and every of them, was accepted by his cook, with whom he now lives, a hen-pecked husband, a melancholy monument of antiquated misery, and a living warning to all luxurious old boys. End of Chapter 7 of Sketches by Boz. Character 7 The Misplaced Attachment of Mr. John Downs Read by Tim Bulkley of bigbible.org Chapter 8 of Characters from Sketches by Boz. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Ruth Golding. Sketches by Boz by Charles Dickens Illustrations by George Crookshank Chapter 8 of Characters The Mistaken Milliner A Tale of Ambition Miss Amelia Martin was pale, tallish, thin, and two-and-thirty. What ill-natured people would call plain and police reports interesting. She was a milliner and dressmaker living on her business and not above it. If you had been a young lady in service and had wanted Miss Martin, as a great many young ladies in service did, you would just have stepped up in the evening to No. 47 Drummond Street, George Street, Euston Square. And after casting your eye on a brass door plate, one foot ten by one-and-a-half, ornamented with a great brass knob at each of the four corners, and bearing the inscription Miss Martin, millinery and dressmaking in all its branches. You just had not two loud knocks at the street door, and down would have come Miss Martin herself, in a merino gown of the newest fashion, black velvet bracelets on the gentilist principle, and other little elegancies of the most approved description. If Miss Martin knew the young lady who called, or if the young lady who called had been recommended by any other young lady who Miss Martin knew, Miss Martin would forthwith show her upstairs into the two-pair front, and chat, she would, so kind and so comfortable, it really wasn't like a matter of business she was so friendly. And then Miss Martin, after contemplating the figure and general appearance of the young lady in service with great apparent admiration, would say how well she would look to be sure in a low dress with short sleeves, made very full in the skirts, with four tucks in the bottom, to which the young lady in service would reply in terms expressive of her entire concurrence in the notion, and of the virtuous indignation with which she reflected on the tyranny of misses, who wouldn't allow a young girl to wear a short sleeve of an art anoon, known or nothing smart, not even a pair of earrings, let alone hiding people's heads of hair under them frightful caps. At the termination of this complaint Miss Amelia Martin would distantly suggest certain dark suspicions that some people were jealous on account of their own daughters, and were obliged to keep their servants' charms under for fear they should get married first, which was no uncommon circumstance, least ways she had known two or three young ladies in service who had married a great deal better than their misses is, and they were not very good looking either. And then the young lady would inform Miss Martin in confidence that how one of their young ladies was engaged to a young man and was going to be married, and misses was so proud about it there was no bearing of her, but how she needn't hold her head quite so high neither, for after all he was only a clerk. And after expressing due contempt for clerks in general and the engaged clerk in particular and the highest opinion possible of themselves and each other, Miss Martin and the young lady in service would bid each other good night in a friendly but perfectly genteel manner, and the one went back to her place and the other to her room on the second floor front. There is no saying how long Miss Amelia Martin might have continued this course of life. How extensive a connection she might have established among young ladies in service or what amount her demands upon their quarterly receipts might have ultimately attained had not an unforeseen train of circumstances directed her thoughts to a sphere of action very different from dressmaking or millinery. A friend of Miss Martin's who had long been keeping company with an ornamental painter and decorator's journeyman at last consented on being at last asked to do so to name the day which would make the aforesaid journeyman a happy husband. It was a Monday that was appointed for the celebration of the nuptials and Miss Amelia Martin was invited, among others, to honour the wedding dinner with her presence. It was a charming party. Summer's town the locality and the front parlor the apartment. The ornamental painter and decorator's journeyman had taken the house no lodgings nor vulgarity of that kind but a house four beautiful rooms and a delightful little wash-house at the end of the passage which was the most convenient in the world for the bridesmaids could sit in the front parlor and receive the company and then run into the little wash-house and see how the pudding and boiled pork were getting on in the copper and then pop back into the parlor again as snug and comfortable as possible. And such a parlor as it was. Beautiful kiddo minster carpet. Six brand new cane-bottomed stained chairs. Three wine-darses and a tumbler on each sideboard. Farmer's girl and farmer's boy on the mantelpiece. Girl tumbling over a style and boy spitting himself on the handle of a pitchfork. Long white dimity curtains in the window and, in short, everything on the most genteel scale imaginable. Then the dinner. There was baked leg of mutton at the top boiled leg of mutton at the bottom pair of fowls and leg of pork in the middle porta-pots at the corners pepper, mustard and vinegar in the center vegetables on the floor and plum pudding and apple pie and tartlets without number to say nothing of cheese and celery and watercresses and all that sort of thing. As to the company, Miss Amelia Martin herself declared on a subsequent occasion that much as she had heard of the ornamental painter's journeyman's connection she never could have supposed it was half so genteel. There was his father such a funny old gentleman and his mother such a dear old lady and his sister such a charming girl and his brother such a manly-looking young man with such a eye. But even all these were as nothing when compared with his musical friends Mr. and Mrs. Jennings Roadolph from White Conduit with whom the ornamental painter's journeyman had been fortunate enough to contract an intimacy while engaged in decorating the concert room in a noble institution. To hear them sing separately was divine, but when they went through the tragic duet of Red Ruffian Retire it was, as Miss Martin afterwards remarked, thrilling. And why, as Mr. Jennings Roadolph observed, why were they not engaged at one of the patent theatres? If he was to be told that their voices were not powerful enough to fill the house his only reply was that he would back himself for any amount to fill Russell Square a statement in which the company after hearing the duet expressed their full belief. So they all said it was shameful treatment. And both Mr. and Mrs. Jennings Roadolph said it was shameful too and Mr. Jennings Roadolph looked very serious as this malignant opponent were, but they had better take care how far they went, for if they irritated him too much he had not quite made up his mind whether he wouldn't bring the subject before Parliament. And they all agreed that it to serve them quite right and it was very proper that such people should be made an example of. So Mr. Jennings Roadolph said he'd think of it. Mr. Jennings Roadolph claimed his right to call upon a lady and the right being conceded trusted Miss Martin would favour the company a proposal which met with unanimous approbation whereupon Miss Martin after sundry hesitating and coffings with a preparatory choke or two and an introductory declaration that she was frightened to death and attempted before such great judges of the art commenced a species of treble-chirruping containing frequent illusions to some young gentleman of the name of Henry with an occasional reference to madness and broken hearts. Mr. Jennings Roadolph frequently interrupted the progress of the song by ejaculating beautiful charming, brilliant oh splendid et cetera and at its close the admiration of himself and his lady knew no bounds. Did you ever hear so sweet a voice my dear inquired Mr. Jennings Roadolph of Mrs. Jennings Roadolph never indeed I never did love replied Mrs. Jennings Roadolph Don't you think Miss Martin with a little cultivation would be very like Signora Maraboni my dear asked Mr. Jennings Roadolph just exactly the very thing that struck me my love answered Mrs. Jennings Roadolph and thus the time passed away Mr. Jennings Roadolph played tunes on a walking stick and then went behind the parlour door and gave his celebrated imitations of actors edge tools and animals. Miss Martin sang several other songs with increased admiration every time and even the funny old gentleman began singing. His song had properly seven verses but as he couldn't recollect more than the first one he sang that over seven times frankly very much to his own personal gratification and then all the company sang the national anthem with national independence each for himself without reference to the other and finally separated all declaring that they had never spent so pleasant an evening and Miss Martin inwardly resolving to adopt the advice of Mr. Jennings Roadolph and to come out without delay now coming out either in acting or singing or society or facetiousness or anything else is all very well and remarkably pleasant to the individual principally concerned if he or she can but manage to come out with a burst and being out keep out and not go in again but it does unfortunately happen that both consummations are extremely difficult to accomplish and that the difficulties of getting out at all in the first instance and if you surmount them of keeping out in the second are pretty much on a par and no slight ones either and so Miss Amelia Martin shortly discovered it is a singular fact there being ladies in the case that Miss Amelia Martin's principal foible was vanity and the leading characteristic of Mrs. Jennings Roadolph an attachment to dress dismal wailings were heard to issue from the second floor front of number 47 Drummond Street, George Street Euston Square it was Miss Martin practising half suppressed murmurs disturbed the calm dignity of the white conduit orchestra at the commencement of the season it was the appearance of Mrs. Jennings Roadolph in full dress that occasioned them Miss Martin studied incessantly the practising was the consequence Mrs. Jennings Roadolph taught gratuitously now and then the dresses were the result weeks passed away the white conduit season had begun and progressed and was more than half over the dress making business had fallen off from neglect and its profits had dwindled away almost imperceptibly a benefit night approached Mr. Jennings Roadolph yielded the earnest solicitations of Miss Amelia Martin and introduced her personally to the comic gentleman whose benefit it was the comic gentleman was all smiles and blandness he had composed a duet expressly for the occasion and Miss Martin should sing it with him the night arrived there was an immense room ninety-seven six penneths of gin and water thirty-two small glasses of brandy and water five and twenty bottled ales and forty-one neguses and the ornamental painter's journeyman with his wife and the select circle of acquaintance were seated at one of the side tables of the orchestra the concert began song sentimental by a light-haired young gentleman in a blue coat and bright basket-buttons applause another song doubtful by another gentleman in another blue coat and more bright basket-buttons increased applause duet Rodolf and Mrs. Jennings Rodolf red ruffian retire great applause solo Miss Julia Montague positively on this occasion only I am a friar enthusiasm original duet comic Mr. H. Taplin the comic gentleman and Miss Martin time of day bravo bravo cried the ornamental painter's journeyman's party as Miss Martin was gracefully led in by the comic gentleman go to work Harry cried the comic gentleman's personal friends tap tap tap went the leader's bow on the music desk the symphony began and was soon afterwards followed by a faint kind of ventriloquial chirping proceeding apparently from the deepest recesses of the interior of Miss Amelia Martin sing out shouted one gentleman in a white greatcoat don't be afraid to put the steam on old gal exclaimed another went the five and twenty bottled ales shame remonstrated the ornamental painter's journeyman's party went the bottled ales again accompanied by all the gins and the majority of the brandies turn them geese out cried the ornamental painter's journeyman's party with great indignation sing out whispered Mr. Jennings wrote off so I do Miss Amelia Martin sing louder said Mrs. Jennings wrote off I can't replied Miss Amelia Martin off off off cried the rest of the audience bravo shouted the painter's party it wouldn't do Miss Amelia Martin left the orchestra with much less ceremony than she had entered it and as she couldn't sing out never came out the general good humour was not restored until Mr. Jennings wrote off had become purple in the face by imitating diver's quadrupeds the half an hour without being able to render himself audible and to this day neither has Miss Amelia Martin's good humour been restored nor the dresses made for and presented to Mrs. Jennings wrote off nor the local abilities which Mr. Jennings wrote off once staked his professional reputation that Miss Martin possessed end of chapter 8 of characters from sketches by Boz chapter 9 of characters from sketches by Boz this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org recording by Morgan Skorpion sketches by Boz by Charles Dickens illustrations by George Krugshank chapter 9 of characters the Dancing Academy of all the Dancing Academies that ever were established there never was one more popular in its immediate vicinity than Signor Bill Smithy's of the King's Theatre it was not in Spring Gardens or Newman Street or Burner Street or Gower Street or Charlotte Street or Percy Street or any other of the numerous streets which have been devoted time out of mind to professional people dispensaries and boarding houses it was not in the west end at all it rather approximated to the eastern portion of London being situated in the populist and improving neighbourhood of Grey's Inn Lane it was not a dear Dancing Academy four and six months a quarter is decidedly cheap upon the whole it was very select the number of pupils being strictly limited to seventy-five and a quarter's payment in advance being rigidly exacted there was public tuition and private tuition an assembly room and a parlour Signor Bill Smithy's family were always sewn in with the parlour and included in parlour price that is to say a private pupil had Signor Bill Smithy's parlour to dance in and Signor Bill Smithy's family to dance with and when he had been sufficiently broken in in the parlour he began to run in couples in the assembly room such was the Dancing Academy of Signor Bill Smithy when Mr Augustus Cooper of Fetter Lane first saw an astounded advertisement walking leisurely down Holborn Hill announcing to the world that Signor Bill Smithy of the King's Theatre intended opening for the season with a grand ball now Mr Augustus Cooper was in the oil and colour line just of age with a little money a little business and a little mother who, having managed her husband and his business in his lifetime took to managing her son and his business after his decease somehow or other he had been cooped up in the little back parlour behind the shop on weekdays and in a little deal box without a lid called by courtesy a pew at Bessel Chapel on Sundays and had seen no more of the world than if he had been an infant all his days rare as young white at the gas fitters over the way three years younger than him had been flaring away like Winkin going to the theatre sapping at harmonic meetings by the barrel drinking stout by the gallon even out all night and coming home as cool in the morning as if nothing had happened so Mr Augustus Cooper made up his mind that he would not stand it any longer and had that very morning expressed to his mother a firm determination to be blowed in the event of his not being instantly provided with a street door key and he was walking down Holborn Hill thinking about all these things and wondering how he could manage to get introduced into gentile society for the first time when his eyes rested on Senior Bill Smith's announcement which had immediately struck him was just the very thing he wanted for he should not only be able to select a gentile circle of acquaintance at once out of the five and seventy pupils at four and six months a quarter but should qualify himself at the same time to go through a hornpipe in private society with perfect ease to himself and great delight to his friends so he stopped the unstamped advertisement an animated sandwich composed of a boy between two boards and having procured a very small card with the Senior's address indented thereon walked straight at once to the Senior's house and very fast he walked too for fear the list should be filled up and the five and seventy completed before he got there the Senior was at home and what was still more gratifying he was an Englishman such a nice man and so polite the list was not full but it was the most extraordinary circumstance that there was only just one vacancy and even that one would have been filled up that very morning only Senior Bill Smithy was dissatisfied with the reference and being very much afraid that the lady wasn't select wouldn't take her and very much delighted I am Mr. Cooper said Senior Bill Smithy that I did not take her I assure you Mr. Cooper don't say it to flatter you for I know you're above it that I consider myself extremely fortunate in having a gentleman of your manners and appearance sir I am very glad of it too sir said Augustus Cooper and I hope we shall be better acquainted sir said Senior Bill Smithy and I'm sure I hope we shall too sir responded Augustus Cooper just then the door opened and in came a young lady with her hair curled in a crop in her head and her shoes tied in sandals all over her ankles don't run away my dear said Senior Bill Smithy for the young lady didn't know Mr. Cooper was there when she ran in and was going to run out again in her modesty all in confusion like don't run away my dear said Senior Bill Smithy this is Mr. Cooper Mr. Cooper of Fetter Lane Mr. Cooper my daughter sir Miss Bill Smithy sir Senior Quadril, Minuet, Gavotte Country Dance, Fandango Double Hornpipe and Farin Gaholka Jingo with you sir she dances them all sir and so shall you sir before you're a quarter older sir and Senior Bill Smithy slapped Mr. Augustus Cooper on the back as if he had known him a dozen years so friendly and Mr. Cooper bowed to the young lady and the young lady cursed it to him Senior Bill Smithy said they were as handsome a pair as ever he'd wished to see upon which the young lady exclaimed law of par and blushed as red as Mr. Cooper himself you might have thought they were both standing under a red lamp at a chemist's shop and before Mr. Cooper went away it was settled that he should join the family circle that very night taking them just as they were no ceremony or nonsense of that kind and learn his positions in order that he might lose no time and be able to come out at the forthcoming ball well Mr. Augustus Cooper went away to one of the cheap shoemaker's shops in Holborn where gentlemen's dress pumps are seven and sixpence and men's strong walking just nothing at all and brought a pair of the regular seven and sixpony long quartered town maids in which he astonished himself quite as much as his mother and saluted forth to Senior Bill Smithy's there were four other private pupils in the parlor two ladies and two gentlemen such nice people not a bit of pride about them one of the ladies in particular who was in training for a Columbine was remarkably affable and she and Miss Bill Smithy took such an interest in Mr. Augustus Cooper and joked and smiled and looked so bewitching that he got quite at home and learned his steps in no time after the practising was over Senior Bill Smithy and Master Bill Smithy and a young lady and the two ladies and the two gentlemen danced a quadril none of your slipping and sliding a bat but regular warm work flying into corners and diving among chairs and shooting out at the door something like dancing Senior Bill Smithy in particular notwithstanding his having a little fiddle to play all the time was out on the landing every figure when everybody else was breathless danced a hornpipe with a cane in his hand and a cheese plate on his head to the unqualified admiration of the whole company then Senior Bill Smithy insisted as they were so happy that they should all stay to supper and proposed sending Master Bill Smithy for the beer and spirits whereupon the two gentlemen swore strike them while good if they'd stand that and were just going to quarrel who should play for it when Mr. Augustus Cooper said he would if they'd have the kindness to allow him and they had the kindness to allow him and Master Bill Smithy brought the beer in a can and the rum in a quart pot they had a regular night of it and Miss Bill Smithy squeezed Mr. Augustus Cooper's hand under the table and Mr. Augustus Cooper returned the squeeze and returned home too at something to six o'clock in the morning when he was put to bed by main force by the apprentice after repeatedly expressing an uncontrollable desire to pitch his revered parent out of the second floor window and to throttle the apprentice with his own neck handkerchief weeks had worn on and the seven and sixpony town-maids had nearly worn out when the night arrived for the grand dress-ball at which the whole of the five and seventy pupils were to meet together for the first time that season and to take out some portion of their respective in lamp oil and fiddlers Mr. Augustus Cooper had ordered a new coat for the occasion a two pound tenor from Turnstile it was his first appearance in public and after a grand Sicilian shawl dance by fourteen young ladies in character he was to open the quadrille department with Miss Bill Smithy herself with whom he had become quite intimate since his first introduction it was a night everything was admirably arranged the sound which boy took the hats and bonnets at the street door there was a turn-up bed-stead in the back parlor on which Miss Bill Smithy made tea and coffee for such of the gentleman as chose to pay for it and such of the ladies as the gentleman treated Redport Wine-Negas and Lemonade were handed round at eighteen pence ahead and in pursuance of a previous engagement with the public house at the corner of the street an extra pot boy was laid on for the occasion in short the gentleman could exceed the arrangements except the company such ladies such pink silk stockings such artificial flowers such a number of cabs no sooner had one's cab set down a couple of ladies than another cab drove up and set down another couple of ladies and they all knew not only one another but the majority of the gentleman into the bargain which made it all as pleasant and lively as could be Signor Bill Smithy in black tights with a large blue bow in his buttonhole introduced the ladies to such of the gentleman as were strangers and the ladies talked away and laughed as they did it was delightful to see them as to the shawl dance it was the most exciting thing that ever was beheld there was such a whisking and rustling and fanning and getting ladies into a tank with artificial flowers and then disentangling them again and as to Mr. Augustus Cooper's share in the quadril he got through it admirably he was missing from his partner now and then certainly and discovered on such occasions to be either dancing with laudable perseverance in another set or sliding about in perspective without any definite object but generally speaking they managed to shove him through the figure until he turned up in the right place be this as it may when he had finished many ladies and gentlemen came up and complimented him very much and said they had never seen a beginner do anything like it before and Mr. Augustus Cooper was perfectly satisfied with himself and everybody else into the bargain and stood considerable quantities of spirits and water, niggers and compounds for the use and behoof of two or three dozen very particular friends selected from the select circle of five and seventy pupils now whether it was through the strength of the compounds or the beauty of the ladies or what not it did so happen that Mr. Augustus Cooper encouraged rather than repelled the very flattering attentions of a young lady in Brown Gores over White Calico who had appeared particularly struck with him from the first and when the encougements had been prolonged for some time Miss Bill Smithy betrayed her spite and jealousy there at by calling the young lady in Brown Gores a creta a young lady in Brown Gores to retort in certain sentences containing a taunt founded on the payment of four and six and a quarter which referenced Mr. Augustus Cooper being then and there in a state of considerable bewilderment expressed his entire concurrence in Miss Bill Smithy thus renounced forthwith began screaming in the loudest key of her voice at the rate of fourteen screams a minute and being unsuccessful in an onslaught on the eyes and face of the lady in Gores and then of Mr. Augustus Cooper called distractedly on the other three and seventy pupils to furnish her with oxalic acid for her own private drinking and the call not being honoured made another rush at Mr. Cooper and then had her stalease cut and was carried off to bed Mr. Augustus Cooper not being remarkable for quickness of apprehension was at a loss to understand what all this meant until Senior Bill Smithy explained it in a most satisfactory manner by stating to the pupils that Mr. Augustus Cooper had made and confirmed diverse promises of marriage to his daughter on diverse occasions and had now basely deserted her on which the indignation of the pupils became universal and the several shieldless gentlemen inquired while the pressingly of Mr. Augustus Cooper whether he required anything for his own use or in other words whether he wanted anything for himself he deemed it prudent to make a precipitous retreat and the upshot of the matter was that a lawyer's letter came next day and an action was commenced next week and that Mr. Augustus Cooper after walking twice to the serpentine for the purpose of drowning himself and coming back twice without doing it made a confidant of his mother who compromised the matter with twenty pounds from the till which made twenty pounds for shillings and sixpence for senior Bill Smithy exclusive of treats and pumps and Mr. Augustus Cooper went back and lived with his mother and there he lives to this day and as he has lost his ambition for society and never goes into the world he will never see this account of himself and will never be any the wiser End of Chapter 9 of Characters from Sketches by Boz Chapter 9 of Characters from Sketches of Boz from Sketches of Boz this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org recording by Morgan Scorpion Sketches by Boz by Charles Dickens illustrations by George Clarkshank Chapter 10 of Characters Chapter 10 of Characters Shabby Gentile People there are certain descriptions of people who oddly enough appear to appertain exclusively to the metropolis you meet them every day in streets of London but no one ever encounters them elsewhere they seem indigenous to the soil and to belong as exclusively to London as its own smoke and ginger bricks and mortar we could illustrate the remark by a variety of examples but in our present sketch we will only advert to one class as a specimen that class which is so aptly and expressively designated as Shabby Gentile now Shabby People God knows may be found anywhere and Gentile People are not articles of greater scarcity out of London than in it but this compound of the two Shabby Gentility is as purely local as the statue at Charing Cross or the Pumpert Altgate it is worthy of remark too that only men are Shabby Gentile a woman is always either dirty and slovenly in the extreme or neat and respectable however poverty-stricken in appearance a very poor man who has seen better days as the phrase goes is a strange compound of dirty sloveniness and wretched attempts at faded smartness we will endeavour to explain our conception of the term which forms the title of this paper if you meet a man lounging up Drury Lane or leaning with his back against a post in Longacre with his hands in the pockets of a pair of drab trousers plentifully bestrinkled with grease spots the trousers made very full over the boots and ornamented with two cords down the outside of each leg wearing also what has been uncoated with bright buttons and a hat very much pinked up at the side cocked over his right eye don't pity him he is not Shabby Gentile the harmonic meetings at some fourth-rate public house or the Perlews of a private theatre are his chosen haunts he entertains a rooted antipathy to any kind of work and is on familiar terms with several pantomime men at the large houses but if you see hurrying along a by-street keeping as close as he can to the area railings a man of about forty or fifty clad in an old rusty suit of threadbare black clothes which shines with constant wear as if it has been beeswaxed the trousers tightly strapped down partly for the look of the thing and partly to keep his old shoes from slipping off at the heels if you observe too that his yellowish-white neckerchief is carefully pinned up to conceal the tattered garment underneath and that his hands are encased in the remains of an old pair of beaver gloves you may set him down as a Shabby Gentile man a glance at that depressed face and timorous air of conscious poverty will make your heart ache always supposing that you are neither a philosopher nor a political economist we were once haunted by a Shabby Gentile man he was bodily present to our senses all day and he was in our mind's eye all night the man of whom Sir Walter Scott speaks in his demonology did not suffer half the persecution from his imaginary gentleman Usher in black velvet that we sustained from our friend in quantum black cloth he first attracted our notice by sitting opposite to us in the reading room at the British Museum and what made the man more remarkable was that he always had before him a couple of Shabby Gentile books two old dog-eared folios in mouldy worm-eaten covers which had once been smart he was in his chair every morning just as the clock struck ten he was always the last to leave the room in the afternoon and when he did he quitted it with the air of a man who knew not where else to go for warmth and quiet there he used to sit all day as close to the table as possible in order to conceal the lack of buttons on his coat with his old hat carefully deposited at his feet where he evidently flattered himself it escaped observation about two o'clock you would see him munching a French roll or a penny loaf not taking it boldly out of his pocket at once like a man who knew he was only making a lunch but breaking off little bits in his pocket and eating them by stealth he knew too well it was his dinner when we first saw this poor object we thought it quite impossible that his attire could ever become worse we even went so far as to speculate on the possibility of his shortly appearing in a decent second hand suit we knew nothing about the matter he grew more and more shabby gentile every day the buttons dropped off his waistcoat one by one then he buttoned his coat and when one side of the coat was reduced to the same condition as the waistcoat he buttoned it over on the other side he looked somewhat better at the beginning of the week than at the conclusion because the neckerchief, though yellow was not quite so dingy and in the midst of all this wretchedness he never appeared without gloves and straps he remained in this state for a week or two at length one of the buttons on the back of the coat fell off and then the man himself disappeared and we thought he was dead we were sitting at the same table about a week after his disappearance and as our eyes rested on his vacant chair we insensibly fell into a train of meditation on the subject of his retirement from public life we were wondering whether he had hung himself or thrown himself off a bridge whether he really was dead or had only been arrested when our conjectures were suddenly set at rest by the entry of the man himself he had undergone some strange metamorphosis and walked up the centre of the room with an air which showed he was fully conscious of the improvement of his appearance it was very odd his clothes were a fine deep glossy black and yet they looked like the same suit nay, there were the very dance with which old acquaintance had made us familiar the hat too nobody could mistake the shape of that hat with its high crown gradually increasing in circumference towards the top long service had imparted to it a reddish brown tint but now it was as black as the coat the truth flashed suddenly upon us they had been revived it is a deceitful liquid that black and blue reviver we have watched its effects on many a shabby genteel man it betrays its victims into a temporary assumption of importance possibly into the purchase of a new pair of gloves or a cheap stock or some other trifling article of dress it elevates their spirits for a week only to depress them if possible below their original level it was so in this case the transient dignity of the unhappy man decreased in exact proportion as the reviver wore off the knees of the unmentionables and the elbows of the coat and the seams generally soon began to get alarmingly white the hat was once more deposited under the table and its owner crept into his seat as quietly as ever there was a week of incessant small rain and mist at its expiration the reviver had entirely vanished and the shabby genteel man never afterwards attempted to effect any improvement in his outward appearance it would be difficult to name any particular part of town as the principal resort of shabby genteel men we have met a great many persons of this description in the neighbourhood of the Inns of Court they may be met with in Holborn between eight and ten any morning and whoever has the curiosity to enter the insolvent debtor's court will observe both among spectators and practitioners a great variety of them we never went on change by any chance without seeing some shabby genteel men and we often wondered what earthly business they can have there they will sit there for hours leaning on great dropsical mildewed umbrellas or eating Abernethi biscuits nobody speaks to them nor they to anyone on consideration we remember to have occasionally seen two shabby genteel men conversing together on change but our experience assures us that this is an uncommon circumstance occasioned by the offer of a pinch of snuff or some such civility it would be a task of equal difficulty either to assign any particular spot for the residents of these beings or to endeavour to enumerate their general occupations we were never engaged in business with more than one shabby genteel man and he was a drunken engraver and lived in a damp bagpala in a new row of houses at Candon Town half street, half brickfield, somewhere near the canal a shabby genteel man may have no occupation or he may be a corn agent or a coal agent or a wine merchant or a collector of debts or a broker's assistant or a broken down attorney he may be a clerk of the lowest description or a contributor to the press of the same grade whether or not our readers have noticed these men in their walks as often we have we know not this we know that the miserably poor man no matter whether he owes his distress to his own conduct or that of others who feels his poverty and vainly strives to conceal it is one of the most pitiful objects in human nature such objects with few exceptions are shabby genteel people End of Chapter 10 of Characters from Sketches by Boz Chapter 11 of Characters from Sketches by Boz This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Martin Giesen Sketches by Boz by Charles Dickens Illustrations by George Crookshank Chapter 11 of Characters Making a Night of It Damon and Pithias were undoubtedly very good fellows in their way the former for his extreme readiness to put in special bale for a friend and the latter for a certain trump-like punctuality in turning up just in the very nick of time scarcely less remarkable many points in their character have however grown obsolete Damon's a rather hard to find in these days of imprisonment for debt except the sham ones and they cost half a crown and as to the Pithias's the few that have existed in these degenerate times have had an unfortunate knack of making themselves scarce at the very moment when their appearance would have been strictly classical if the actions of these heroes however can find no parallel in modern times their friendship can we have Damon and Pithias on the one hand we have Potter and Smithers on the other and lest the two last mentioned names should never have reached the ears of our unenlightened readers we can do no better than make them acquainted with the owners thereof Mr. Thomas Potter then was a clerk in the city and Mr. Robert Smithers was a ditto in the same their incomes were limited but their friendship was unbounded they lived in the same street walked into town every morning at the same hour dined at the same slap bang every day and reveled in each other's company every night they were knit together by the closest ties of intimacy and friendship or as Mr. Thomas Potter touchingly observed they were thick and thin pals and nothing but it there was a spice of romance in Mr. Smithers' disposition a ray of poetry, a gleam of misery a sort of consciousness of he didn't exactly know what coming across him he didn't precisely know why which stood out in fine relief against the offhand dashing amateur pickpocket sort of manner which distinguished Mr. Potter in an eminent degree the peculiarity of their respective dispositions extended itself to their individual costume Mr. Smithers generally appeared in public in a siotou and shoes with a narrow black neckerchief and a brown hat very much turned up at the sides peculiarities which Mr. Potter wholly eschewed for it was his ambition to do something in the celebrated kiddie or stagecoach way and he had even gone so far as to invest capital in the purchase of a rough blue coat with wooden buttons made upon the fireman's principle in which with the addition of a low crowned flowerpot saucer shaped hat he had created no inconsiderable sensation at the Albion in Little Russell Street and divers other places of public and fashionable resort Mr. Potter and Mr. Smithers had mutually agreed that on the receipt of their quarters salary they would jointly and in company spend the evening an evident misnomer the spending applying as everybody knows not to the evening itself but to all the money the individual made chance to be possessed of on the occasion to which references made and they had likewise agreed that on the evening aforesaid they would make a night of it an expressive term implying the borrowing of several hours from tomorrow morning adding them to the night before and manufacturing a compound night of the whole the quarter day arrived at last we say at last because quarter days are as eccentric as comets moving wonderfully quick when you have a good deal to pay and marvelously slow when you have a little to receive Mr. Thomas Potter and Mr. Robert Smithers met by appointment to begin the evening with a dinner and a nice snug comfortable dinner they had consisting of a little procession of four chops and four kidneys following each other supported on either side by a pot of the real draft stout and attended by divers cushions of bread and wedges of cheese when the cloth was removed Mr. Thomas Potter ordered the waiter to bring in two goes of his best scotch whiskey with warm water and sugar and a couple of his very mildest Havana's which the waiter did Mr. Thomas Potter mixed his grog and lighted his cigar Mr. Robert Smithers did the same and then Mr. Thomas Potter jocularly proposed as the first toast the abolition of all offices whatever not sinecures but counting houses which was immediately drunk by Mr. Robert Smithers with enthusiastic applause so they went on talking politics puffing cigars and sipping whiskey and water until the goes most appropriately so called were both gone which Mr. Robert Smithers perceiving immediately ordered in two more goes of the best scotch whiskey and two more of the very mildest Havana's and the goes kept coming in and the mild Havana's kept going out until what with the drinking and lighting and puffing and the stale ashes on the table and the tallow grease on the cigars Mr. Robert Smithers began to doubt the mildness of the Havana's and to feel very much as if he had been sitting in a hackney coach back to the horses as to Mr. Thomas Potter he would keep laughing out loud and volunteering in articulate declarations that he was all right in proof of which he feebly bespoke the evening paper after the next gentleman but finding it a matter of some difficulty to discover any news in its columns or to ascertain distinctly whether it had any columns at all walked slowly out to look for the moon and after coming back quite pale with looking up at the sky so long and attempting to express mirth at Mr. Robert Smithers having fallen asleep by various galvanic chuckles laid his head on his arm and went to sleep also when he awoke again Mr. Robert Smithers awoke too and they both very gravely agreed that it was extremely unwise to eat so many pickled walnuts with the chops as it was a notorious fact that they always made people queer and sleepy indeed, if it had not been for the whiskey and cigars there was no knowing what harm they might not have done them so they took some coffee and after paying the bill twelve and tuppence the dinner and the odd tenpence for the waiter thirteen shillings in all started out on their expedition to manufacture a night it was just half past eight so they thought they couldn't do better than go at half price to the slips at the city theatre which they did accordingly Mr. Robert Smithers who had become extremely poetical after the settlement of the bill enlivening the walk by informing Mr. Thomas Potter in confidence that he felt an inward presentiment of approaching dissolution and subsequently embellishing the theatre by falling asleep with his head and both arms gracefully drooping over the front of the boxes such was the quiet demeanour of the unassuming Smithers and such were the happy effects of scotch whiskey and Havana's on that interesting person but Mr. Thomas Potter whose great aim it was to be considered as a knowing card a fast goer and so forth he abducted himself in a very different manner and commenced going very fast indeed rather too fast at last for the patience of the audience to keep pace with him on his first entry he contented himself by earnestly calling upon the gentlemen in the gallery to flare up accompanying the demand with another request expressive of his wish that they would instantaneously form a union both of which requisitions were responded to in the manner most in vogue on such occasions give that dog a bone cried one gentleman in his shirt sleeves where have you been having half a pint of intermediate beer cried a second Taylor screamed a third Papa's clock shouted a fourth throw him over roared a fifth while numerous voices concurred in desiring Mr. Thomas Potter to go home to his mother all these taunts Mr. Thomas Potter received with supreme contempt cocking the low-crowned hat a little more on one side whenever any reverence was made to his personal appearance and standing up with his arms a kimbo expressing defiance melodramatically the overture to which these various sounds had been an ad libitum accompaniment concluded the second piece began and Mr. Thomas Potter emboldened by impunity proceeded to behave in a most unprecedented and outrageous manner first of all he imitated the shake of the principal female singer then groaned at the blue fire then affected to be frightened into convulsions of terror at the appearance of the ghost and lastly not only made a running commentary in an audible voice upon the dialogue on the stage but actually awoke Mr. Robert Smithers hearing his companion making a noise and having a very indistinct notion where he was what was required of him immediately by way of imitating a good example set up the most unearthly unremitting and appalling howling that ever audience heard it was too much turn them out was the general cry a noise as of shuffling of feet and men being knocked up with violence against wanes cutting was heard a hurried dialogue of come out I won't you shall I shan't give me your card sir you're a scoundrel sir and so forth succeeded a round of applause betokened the approbation of the audience and Mr. Robert Smithers and Mr. Thomas Potter found themselves shot with astonishing swiftness into the road without having had the trouble of once putting foot to ground during the whole progress of their rapid descent Mr. Robert Smithers being constitutionally one of the slow goers and having had quite enough of fast going in the course of his recent expulsion to last until the quarter day then next ensuing at the very least had no sooner emerged with his companion from the precincts of Milton Street than he proceeded to indulge in circuitous references to the beauties of sleep mingled with distant illusions to the propriety of returning to Islington and testing the influence of their patent brahmas over the street door locks to which they respectively belonged Mr. Thomas Potter, however was valorous and peremptory they had come out to make a night of it and a night must be made so Mr. Robert Smithers who was three parts dull and the other dismal despairingly assented and they went into a wine vault to get materials for assisting them in making a night where they found a good many young ladies and various old gentlemen and a plentiful sprinkling of hackney coachmen and cab drivers all drinking and talking together and Mr. Thomas Potter and Mr. Robert Smithers drank small glasses of brandy and large glasses of soda until they began to have a very confused idea either of things in general or of anything in particular and when they had done treating themselves they began to treat everybody else and the rest of the entertainment was a confused mixture of heads and heels black eyes and blue uniforms mud and gas lights thick doors and stone paving then as standard novelists expressively inform us all was a blank and in the morning the blank was filled up with the words station house and the station house was filled up with Mr. Thomas Potter Mr. Robert Smithers and the major part of their wine vault companions of the preceding night with a comparatively small portion of clothing of any kind and it was disclosed at the police office to the indignation of the bench and the astonishment of the spectators how one Robert Smithers aided and abetted by one Thomas Potter had knocked down and beaten in diverse streets at different times five men, four boys and three women how the said Thomas Potter had feloniously obtained possession of five door knockers two bell handles and a bonnet how Robert Smithers his friend had sworn at least forty pounds worth of oaths at the rate of five shillings apiece terrified whole streets full of her majesty subjects with awful shrieks and alarms of fire destroyed the uniforms of five policemen and committed various other atrocities too numerous to recapitulate and the magistrate after an appropriate reprimand find Mr. Thomas Potter and Mr. Robert Smithers five shillings each for being what the more vulgarly terms drunk and thirty four pounds for seventeen assaults at forty shillings ahead with liberty to speak to the prosecutors the prosecutors were spoken to and Mrs. Potter and Smithers lived on credit for the quarter as best they might and although the prosecutors expressed their readiness to be assaulted twice a week on the same terms they have never since been detected in making a night of it end of chapter eleven of characters from sketches by Boz recording by Martin Geeson in Hazelmere Surrey Chapter ten characters of sketches by Boz this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org recording by Morgan Scorpion sketches by Boz by Charles Dickens illustrations by George Cookshank Chapter twelve of characters The Prisoner's Van we were passing the corner of Boz Street on our return from a lounging excursion the other afternoon when a crowd assembled round the door of the police office attracted our attention we started up the street accordingly there were thirty or forty people standing on the pavement and half across the road a few stragglers were patiently stationed on the opposite side of the way all evidently waiting in expectation of some arrival we waited too, a few minutes but nothing occurred so we turned round to an unshawn, shallow-looking cobbler who was standing next to us with his hands under the bib of his apron and put the usual question of what's the matter? the cobbler eyed us from head to foot with superlative contempt and laconically replied, nothing now we were perfectly aware that if two men stop in the street to look at any given object or even to gaze in the air two hundred men will be assembled in no time but as we knew very well that no crowd of people could by possibility remain in a street for five minutes without getting up a little amusement among themselves unless they had some absorbing object in view the natural inquiry next in order was what are all these people waiting here for? her majesty's carriage replied the cobbler this was still more extraordinary we could not imagine what earthly business her majesty's carriage could have at the public office, Bow Street we were beginning to ruminate on the possible causes of such an uncommon appearance when a general exclamation from all the boys in the crowd of here's the one caused us to raise our heads and look up the street the covered vehicle in which prisoners are conveyed by the police officers to the different prisons was coming along at full speed it then occurred to us for the first time that her majesty's carriage was merely another name for the prisoner's van conferred upon it not only by reason of the superior gentility of the term but because the aforesaid van is maintained at her majesty's expense having been originally started for the exclusive accommodation of ladies and gentlemen under the necessity of visiting the various houses of call by the general denomination of her majesty's jails the van drew up at the office door and the people thronged round the steps just leaving a little alley for the prisoners to pass through our friend the cobbler and the other stragglers crossed over and we followed their example the driver and another man who had been seated by his side in front of the vehicle dismounted and were admitted into the office the office door was closed after them and the crowd were on the tiptoe of expectation after a few minutes delay the door again opened and the two first prisoners appeared they were a couple of girls of whom the elder could not be more than sixteen and the younger of whom had certainly not attained her fourteenth year that they were sisters was evident from the resemblance which still subsisted between them although two additional years of depravity had fixed their brand upon the elder girl's features as legibly as if a red hot iron had seared them they were both gaudily dressed the younger one especially and although there was a strong similarity between them in both respects which was rendered more obvious by their being handcuffed together it is impossible to conceive a greater contrast than the demeanor of the two presented the younger girl was weeping bitterly not for display or in the hope of producing effect but for very shame her face was buried in her handkerchief and her whole manner was but too expressive of bitter and unavailing sorrow how long are you for, Emily? screamed a red-faced woman in the crowd six weeks and labour replied the elder girl with a flaunting laugh and that's better than the stone jug anyhow the mills are deal better than the sessions and here's a bella, a going too for the first time hold up your head, you chicken, she continued boisterously tearing the other girl's handkerchief away hold up your head and show him your face I aren't jealous, but I'm blessed if I aren't game that's right, old girl exclaimed a man in a paper cap who, in common with the greater part of the crowd had been inexpressibly delighted with this little incident right, replied the girl ah, to be sure, what's the odds there? come in with you, interrupted the driver don't you be in a hurry, coachman replied the girl and recollect I want to be set down in cold bath-fields large house with a high garden wall in front, you can't mistake it hello, bella, where are you going to? you'll pull my precious arm off this was addressed to the younger girl who, in her anxiety to hide herself in the caravan had ascended the steps first and forgotten the strain upon the handcuff come down and let's show you the way and after jerking the miserable girl down with a force that made her stagger on the pavement she got into the vehicle followed by her wretched companion these two girls had been sewn upon London streets their vices and debauchery by assorted and rapacious mother what the younger girl was then the elder had been once and what the elder then was the younger must soon become a melancholy prospect but how surely to be realised a tragic drama but how often acted turned to the prisons and police officers of London nay, look into the very streets themselves these things pass before our eyes day after day and hour after hour they have become such matters of course that they are utterly disregarded the progress of these girls in crime will be as rapid as the flight of a pestilence resembling it too in its baneful influence and widespreading infection step by step how many wretched females within the sphere of every man's observation have become involved in a career of vice frightful to contemplate hopeless at its commencement loathsome and repulsive in its course friendless, forlorn and unpitted at its miserable conclusion there were other prisoners boys of ten as hardened in vice as men of fifty a homeless vagrant going joyfully to prison as a place of food and shelter handcuffed to a man whose prospects were ruined character lost and family rendered destitute by his first offence our curiosity however was satisfied the first group had left an impression on our mind we would gladly have avoided and would willingly have effaced the crowd dispersed the vehicle rolled away with its load of guilt and misfortune and we saw no more of the prisoner's van end of chapter 12 of characters from sketches by Boz