 Good evening church family and welcome to our Friday night moments with pastor David and Marie and again, it's always great to have Pastor and Marie with us and just want to say hello you guys. Hi John How you guys doing we're good good good Pastor before we get started. I wanted to see if you can give the church any updates so far and what's been transpiring just a brief update to About what about the plans of possibly down the road what it's looking like as other churches are Preparing to open We've been having things on a Sunday after During second service and just any updates you'd like to share with the church. Well, basically one is as we have desks, you know Desperately missed the church if you will and so Marie and I as well as you and others have been coming to the To the church grounds on Sunday just to to be here and then recently I I let people know that we were here So in the event that they wanted to drive by to say hi that we'd be able to visit with them And that's been taking place for the last couple of weeks and we've been real blessed to be able to see Many of the members of our church So from there, I have come to realize that we really need to make some decisions about once again meeting Not just online, which I am so blessed that I really am so blessed that God has used our online Services in a real beautiful way. We're able to reach any from our fellowship who want to You know be with us online and and apparently quite a number do and That's been a blessing and going to seven day a week teachings, you know You know Sunday through through Saturday Multiple times sometimes during during the week as well as on the weekend has been a blessing we're able to put a variety of studies on and Again, this is really in particular for members of our our our fellowship but I Welcome any who have a desire to to join us of course throughout the the nation and Into the world so from that we've been really really blessed, but I really want to spend time with our fellowship and I feel A sense of the spirit. It's not my emotional kind of thing because I've tried to let my emotions be under the Guidance of the Holy Spirit, but I I sense that it's it's nearing the time for us to to once again gather on the church grounds and to have live Bible studies live church services and so at the moment we are looking to all the guidelines that you get from you know the government scientific community and all to see how we can Follow those guidelines to have church services That are that are safe for our members of our church I've said this a number of times John. You've heard me in private conversation But I've made this open and open statement. I I feel that if there's any any organization that was that is capable of Taking care of people Following proper procedures to ensure to the best of our ability their safety. It has to be the church There's no way that that You know a giant store or You know gymnasium or whatever there's no way that they're going to match us When it comes to caring about the people who come and are within the confines of our building There's just no way because we have been created by God to love one another Whereas going to Costco doesn't mean I have to love the person next to me as a matter of fact We've seen fights in the aisles with those who are in Costco Right, and so we've only had two or three of those insurance And that was with my elders and we had to deal with it but we we don't have that problem because We are sincerely caring for people and so we're putting together a plan right now and And hopefully very soon within a within a short time three four weeks or so. I won't I won't give a date yet We anticipate meeting here again for live services Now I was asked if I was part of the coalition of churches that Are going to be opening up on May 31st and my answer I just gave to somebody who just asked me Is that I'm not following the directives of Anybody Not because I'm better than them or superior to them That's not why it said I think that sometimes people act out of different interests than we do and So I I do know that we want to get together. I do know that we we are going to get together But it will be when when we sense here that that's right time for Calvary Chapel Chino Valley to once again have services on campus and so No, I'm not part of this coalition of churches You know, there are numbers that are being kind of thrown out which I've never been impressed with people's Exaggerated numbers. Oh, 3,500 or 550. Those are numbers. I'm hearing people like to use numbers to create an invisible army behind them And I've been around long enough to know that sometimes you just use numbers to try and make an impact and And I can tell you this I don't want to send any kind of message to Governor knew some other than the message of the gospel, you know, I I don't I'm not going to pick a fight With with our governor even though I disagree vehemently I'm not going to pick a fight with the guy for no reason other than Because I may be pugnacious belligerent or frustrated. I just don't do that Now others can do that if they want the answer to God for it I think they violate scripture when they take that that position. That's how I read scripture But with that said, I'm not going to do it for that reason the reason I will gather together With my church is because I'm a shepherd. I desire to minister to our people our people need each other The part of the heart of our ministry is the heart of fellowship the withness of our pillars and The other pillars we need to get into the word we need to worship But at the same time we will continue Broadcasting online because I want to respect the concerns and very valid reasons why people may not be ready to or able to come And and I respect that very much and so we'll see what happens John But I'll be releasing the date and again, this is for those who are part of our church who Who want to be here with us and And I'm grateful that there are people who don't go to our fellowship who join us on our programs and and I hope they continue But at the same time, I expect that we'll be opening up the doors To our campus fairly soon. It's gonna be an exciting time It'll be you know, I don't yeah, I guess I Yeah, John I'm hot it's hard for me to say what I'll feel about that whether it'll be exciting or not frankly I I Just think it's about time. Yes. You know, it's more of an about time and some people will be excited and others will come in Wearing two or three masks We'll see You know our topic today is as we now switch gears is communication and marriage You know, there's a high percentage of couples that come in that I meet with for biblical guidance The core issue always seems to be centered around communication and or lack of and so How do you see? communicate and I mean, this is probably a question that anybody can answer in terms of of course communications important How do you both maintain that communication even throughout the years? that Continue a healthy marriage You know and I was in college Many years ago now One of my classes actually took several several courses Related to marriage marriage in the family that was my interest because I wanted to learn from a seasoned kind of Quote-unquote professional somebody who who taught such courses I wanted to learn from them anything that they had learned That could help me be a good husband because I knew that without help. I wouldn't be one and And I believe very strongly that as a Christian I still need to to grow in my understanding and knowledge Just because I'm saved doesn't make me automatically a good Christian I have to pursue the Lord and things of that nature and so from the beginning I began to look into classes in in in college courses that related to to that subject and so something I remember from way back then is that At that time the professors were emphasizing three aspects, you know that you needed to To learn to do well in they said these are the three troubled areas trouble areas that you find in in in marriages one is sexual intimacy to Financial problems and three communication those are the three basic things, you know learning what it means to have an intimacy that has has a physicality to it and learning to budget and And and the things that pertain to your money and then learning how to communicate and out of those three I Would probably put communication at the top of the list Because in the communication learning to communicate hearts and all of that to one another Is going to bleed over I would say into how you budget and and how you are intimate I would say that that all blends together and so Communication as I learned and as Marie and I and I'm sure that Marie would agree with this Because she agrees with everything I say Because I'm such a clear communicator. I think that we would agree that communication isn't just words You know, I read my wife. I read her like I read a book I I I believe that communication is not just words, but it's it's the things that pertain to the words It's the way those words are said. It's the volume. It's the tone. It's it's the face. It's a body posture It's all of that is communication, you know We don't read our our wives like we read words on a piece of paper We read our our wives by listening to her by knowing the events that are transpiring prior to What you say not all of that and that takes study that takes a lot of effort. It really does you have to really Learn to hear the word and the meaning and plus you have to learn what the What that word is to be interpreted as It's very complicated and yet it's not it is complicated when you don't make an effort It's not so complicated when you learn quickly and you say oh and she says you're not wearing that Well, that's another way of saying don't wear that You know or you're ready to leave is another way of saying how come you're late, you know things like that So you learn their language patterns. It's like I was raised learning, you know Communicating English and my wife was was raised and she speaks in French, you know And so I had to learn her language and the only way to learn her language and I am still learning her language because you know Though she and I don't have fights, you know, like like when you're young and oh, I'm gonna do it And you're gonna do it my way. We don't do that anymore We had enough of those to have laid a foundation to know where this is gonna go If you keep going in this direction So that's how we avoid the fights is that we know what leads to them, right? And how did that happen? It happened because she has done her best to Figure me out, you know when I say Something she's learning my language and I've tried to learn hers, you know, and again There's I don't know a real expert in this world, you know, you can really understand Because one of the things about human beings is we change You know, we you know, I was a behavioral science major. That's what I was and the very first day of class that I had in one of my classes Professor said it's a misnomer to call it behavioral science. He says because human beings Change he said science speaks concerning those things that don't change And that's how you make your your laws and I said but human beings change He said somebody can do something for two or three or ten years and then one day they decided to do something different He said so we don't call it science in the purest sense of the word and that's true So the longer I'm with Marie and the more she's evolving as a woman the more I'm growing as a man We are constantly learning different and new patterns But we have the foundation I would say what initially we came to learn were the basic or the rudiments of Of of what it meant to say this is how I feel and this is what I want so I'm very verbal, you know, I'm very verbal. I am I told Marie when we got buried. I said I don't read minds. I Can't I'm not even gonna try You have to be clear with me So I know that I'm pleasing you you have to and I don't have a problem with you saying What's on your mind? I don't let me know. It's a lot easier for you to say I don't like this or I don't want to go there Then for me to think you like it and then to take you where you don't want to go Because my my desire is to have a good time with you and if you don't want to be there You're gonna let me know by the minute I get there and you didn't want to be here So please tell me before we go see so that's kind of we were right You know, you're a mentioning pastor when Would you like to add to that well, well, I'll give you an example early on We had in our relationship I Was living in a With a couple of I had roommates to roommates and David asked me to go to the you know to the movies to see something and I invited them Without speaking to him and I just thought hey, though I was I'm I was the type the more the merrier that was me the more than more than Mary come on Let's all go. Well, that didn't go over very well All and I was I was so surprised because I I said to her cuz he invites her roommates And and so they said oh, we'd love to go and so they went to get ready and I said really I need to go to my car for a minute Would you come with me and she said sure, of course and we go to my car and I turned around and I said I Really would appreciate it if you would let me know before you invite your friends. It's not that I don't like them I think they're great. I didn't drive 45 minutes to be with them though I came 45 minutes to be with you and so you need to let me know That you're gonna do that because I don't like change Do I like change? No So yeah, that's part of what we that's we we do what we do and the other person learns from it and Just could we never did that again, and it's not cuz I didn't like her roommates. I did they were part of my Bible study It's just that I liked her more and for me It was a sacrifice and as a man I know that women are different today, but as a man I felt obligated to pay their way into a movie or any drinks they may want or popcorn I felt obligated to take all three of them out and I I was a student at that time I didn't have any money and the little that I did I would spend on her And so she was adding to my expenses So there were things involved that she wasn't aware of my girl here is a very very friendly friendly person as you know John and And that's why I love her But it only would work if she were to clue me in on what she's about to do and which she learned immediately And she so she'd say do you mind if or would you like to and that's all that we really needed to do so I could say well, you know, yeah, that'd be fine or not really any cuz I came to see you and we learned it And that's how you do it, right? I mean, that's how you and your wife learned is you just You make your mistakes. You step over certain Invisible lines, which I don't but it's okay. Of course you don't you live on there. You live on the edge John. They're a wild kind of But you know what I mean, that's what happens is you you make your mistakes and you discover very early We don't think the same way and it's not that one's right one's wrong You just have to make a decision that what is right and wrong is what is best for us And if it's best for us and we keep the peace, this is good. And so it's we've been working at that for a long time and That doesn't mean that we're we're experts at it cuz we're not But we're much better than we've ever been and and me again, you know, I I am real open with what I feel I I figured with my girl. I I figure that she needs to know the guy. She's married to And and so I'm real open with her. I'll tell her this is how I feel This is what I want if she doesn't want that she can tell me she can say well I don't see that and that's communication. Okay, you don't okay. I'm probably wrong Which most of the time I am I have to be real about that. My wife has got such a sweet pure heart That I'm very very attuned to it because I can be wrong and that's no, you know, real admission This is a fact. I I can be wrong. I I can be thinking something. That's not true at all So I'm I found it better to ask or to say and say can you explain to me because this is what I'm seeing and and I'll tell you I think I'm I'm not right about this, but please let me know so I don't Make mistakes and then we end up upset at each other for no reason. So that's been part of us I'd say pretty much all all these years You know communication is like a dance The watusi I You know you think about even what you're explaining right now the given take in communication the learning It's it's like a two-step dance where you're learning the move of one another, but it through expression You know pastor you mentioned something a few moments ago about Taking the time to study Marie What would you say to those For those people especially the men who maybe been married for a while or some of the men that Because one of the things I had to do was in marriage I realized how selfish I am There's things that I like that it didn't matter what my wife liked her and I'm learning that you know it's not about me in the communication when you're learning your significant other and Your selfishness has blinded you a little too wanting to to know your wife and study your wife for I just don't feel like doing that. It's because how would you address that person? You know when Marie and I began to date I was I Was actually older than my friends who had gotten married many of my friends had gotten married at 21 22 and I was 24 when I met Marie I just just had turned 24 and So I I was actually the old guy amongst my friends Comparatively when it came to getting married and all but for me, you know having I never had lots of dates. I wasn't one of those guys that That had to go out and had to have girlfriends, you know, if I had a girlfriend it would be on and off again for some time and So I had gotten a military got out of the army was going to college was not dating it Asked God to allow me to go to sleep to my desires and then he brought Marie and then I felt the sense of freedom to Take her out and all and all of that goes into how I learned to communicate and I and this is how it began is The guys in my generation and maybe still true I don't know. Maybe there are young men still doing this We were we're not real and many of us were many of us, especially me. We're not real I was that guy who if I asked a young woman out I'd I try and study her and figure out what she liked by asking I'd say, what do you think about this? Do you like this kind of and and so I'm trying to figure her out and Then I was oh, yeah, I like that too when in fact sometimes I didn't you know, I didn't I just wanted to charm her or make her like me and I thought that if I agreed with whatever she said You know that It's a good chance that that she might give me a Second date or whatever that's how I was But I had gotten tired of it by the time I met Marie I wasn't dating anybody but by the time I met Marie I had come to the place where I said I don't want her dating or going out with Somebody that's not real that she will later on discover Once, you know, we're into the relationship because she's gonna she would fall for the wrong guy Because I'm just pretending to like this and I'm pretending to like that So, you know as selfish speaking of selfish as this may seem I felt I wanted to be authentic I wanted to be real so I would say Marie. I'm gonna go to this place. Would you like to go with me? Maria I'd like to eat this food. So I wouldn't say where do you want to eat or where do you want to go? I never did that not in the beginning I'd say I want to go out and I'm gonna go here because it wasn't because of the self-adjust on my part It was more I wanted her to know I like these things and if she liked the guy who liked this kind of food And this kind of music and and go to these kinds of places We'd get along because I don't have to change. I don't have to be different I don't have to figure out what she likes and then do that when in fact, I don't like it That's how it was and so she she grew to like the real person the real me and I liked her, you know And for and she was real because she liked to eat at the same places So she liked the same kinds of movies and she liked the same music and all of those things So that's how I did it. So we we began Our relationship by just being real by just being real No longer acting like oh, I like that food when I don't or like that music when I don't or I Like these things when I don't because that's going to come out Once the rings on her finger and we're married and she says how you always liked it No, I didn't I just went because you did that's a that's a that's what guys they do fight over stuff like that Yeah, I only went because you wanted to go. I never liked it. You never asked me that kind of thing I didn't we don't play that I Chose not to do that. And so I figured I wanted this girl to know the real person and And she She did she liked me so I didn't have to change I didn't have to not not to try and win her. I had to change to keep her You know and that isn't by the foods and that isn't by the music and that's not by the movies It's no is as a person that should should deserve her love as a person that that That should should deserve her respect You know and her affection I Changed into that guy because once she cared about me and I really came to believe she did because it took a long time For me to believe she really cared for me You know, I came from a background where that just wasn't part of what I thought anybody would ever care for me And so it took a long time for her to actually And she didn't work at it. She didn't have to I had to come to the point of saying she does I just didn't think she did but that was me. I thought nobody did so for her she did and But she liked the real guy. I want you right like the real person I Wanted to be a better person So that means I need to now be really interested in and what makes her happy what what makes her fulfilled, you know, I think when when Paul says to husbands are to to to Love their wives as Christ loved the church or when Peter said husbands are to dwell with their wives with understanding I I have come to understand that that that means having a sacrificial heart and and an interested in interest a true interest in in that person, you know And when you start combining those things You die to yourself because men a Lot of guys I know John and you have met them to think that leading the home is being a bully or You know being a leader is is Making her do what you want and seeing things you're weighing to me That's one of the biggest mistakes that a man ever makes, you know, I really do believe in In cherishing my wife, you know, I'm not always good at it and and and I don't want to pretend that I am I'm not I'm any I'm a man like every other man. I Still learn how how to talk and how to not hurt her by my directness or whatever. That's That's something I have to learn still but I'm not the same guy I used to be because I've put on many years of Learning her and how can I be a good husband? If you love someone, don't you lay your life down for them? well What happens when you lay your your life down for your wife, you know, she loves you even more and I've discovered that and she spoiled and I've told my kids. Yeah, she spoiled. I said, that's my job It's my job to spoil her. I can spoil her. She's my wife. I'm supposed to spoil her But she on the other hand John She's supposed to respect me. So she doesn't take advantage of me because I can take her and We don't have children living at home anymore and and the finances I used to use by the kids their food and their clothing and and all of that that you're spending now for your babies You know, I don't have to do that anymore. I don't have to buy a lot more food And all I don't so I've got spending money. It's it's kind of nice, you know So but I can take Marie and I do have and she knows she handles the finances. She knows what we have When she and I can go someplace and and and I if I see that she likes something I can say baby, do you want that because I know we can afford it I had guaranteed 90 percent 90 95 or more percent of the time she'll say no So I've never I don't have a woman Who's spending money and making me bankrupt? I don't have that That's why it's a lot easier to to even be more generous not because I know she won't you know want to buy it therefore I'll just say it No, I don't do that either but Because she knows how hard I work and she knows She knows what it means to be a steward of God's finances and she lives a very simple life She doesn't she she really doesn't I'm bragging about her as if she's not here But no, it's true Anything she wants I will do anything I can to get if if it's within Within responsible activity, you know, but she doesn't ask And it makes it even easier for me And I know that's unique. I know that's unique I don't have to prove to her. I love her by buying things for her And she she doesn't force me to So I'm free. I'm free to do it and there are a lot of a lot of things like that in our marriage that um Makes our relationship Our relationship. It's very unique And I don't know that another woman is like Marie in this. I don't I don't want to ever find out You know, but I can tell you Are you better not? Well, I won't tell you that Because I don't want to hurt you because I don't want to communicate about my other girlfriend You know the communication There can be this pseudo communication that we're just you're just explaining about in early marriage Even in some marriages now that people can have I remember With my wife as we were engaged Uh, she'd come over my parents house. We'd have dinner or lunch after church And it'd be like the time like it's fourth down The team's like down You know four points. There's a minute left on the clock for a football game And it seemed like at that time my wife want my fiance at the time wanted to have a conversation So the good fiance that I was would turn to her and we would chit chat about what she wanted to chit chat And and I really caught myself after we got married and after the ring was on her finger The longer did I did I really have to turn now and and I can still have one ear to the tv and one eye to the tv and One ear and one eye to her, but there seems like there's this uh There can be this sense of pseudo communication when you're trying to win the woman over, you know and and versus What it's really like now, you know, and so I've been mindful of that To be nothing's changed. It needs to be the same if anything it needs to evolve more You know, and so uh, I'm learning that as as we go, you know, one of the things pastor And marie if you'd like to share on this as well, uh, you know, there's this, uh This thought out there that there is communication within a christian marriage versus communication within a marriage personally, I don't see a difference except The the christian marriage has a foundation of christ I think there's a lot of things out there that people are looking to for self-help in in christian marriages and I'd like to hear your thoughts about this christian marriage versus a non christian marriage, but yet Seems that communication is across the board regardless What did your thoughts on that? I I think I think that in general Christians speak a language called christian ease We like our terminology to be couched in in a scripture Or a biblical principle in order for us to be comfortable with at least hearing it But I also know that many people who are fluent in christian ease don't understand what the words mean Because they don't do the things that they say they believe Right and so communication in its rawest form is simply Two hearts that are are able to comprehend one another whether it be through like I said through the expression In a physical way or whether it be an expression through a verbal way It there are sim similar and basic principles I would assume that that are in general just true to communicate see so So I think that sometimes people hide behind the veneer of what it's christian and not To continue doing what they want to do and so if the wife says Well, I know that I'm supposed to respect him, but he's not respectable Therefore till he becomes respectable. I will not respect him Right or the guy says well, she doesn't submit if she submitted then, you know Then the bible say see so I think that we use the bible sometimes as a as a hammer A weapon of some sort to be able to maintain Our own lives and do what we want to do And and still call it christian and so You know anybody who speaks to me About anything that they're going through they're going to get a biblical answer If not with an actual verse They will get a biblical answer with a principle that you'll find in scripture that I can back with scripture, right? and so That's just general again that general conversation I I'm not always quoting scripture to you you and I talk quite a bit, right? But when we talk, we're just flowing this and then you'll hear me say well, you know, that's where or you'll say Where did you see and we'll talk about the scripture that became that foundation? That the reason why I said that And the longer you walk with the lord the more immersed you are with with the principles of scripture with I was sharing this for example Just the other day where where john and first john speaks concerning The command and the word In the same three verses first john chapter two And he speaks concerning the command and I was sharing with with the with my staff How the word the command that he's using in for john two three through six how he was speaking about an actual command You find in the old or new testament And I was sharing how that there are scriptures that are referred to as commands Jesus speaks about keeping his commands because they were they were distinct Teachings that had biblical Verses that were related to him, but he also Spoke concerning walking in the spirit of what he was sharing And that's what john spoke about when he spoke of the word. So there's the command and there's the word In relationships, you have scripture, you know, so marina. I will you know I I can quote scripture and she can too and she can tell me what the bible says And sometimes in our in our conversations. We definitely will do that But when we're arguing when we're having a difference of opinion I don't use the bible as some kind of a bat or some kind of of a something it says Because to me and I know that you'd agree with this it would be a self righteousness on my part If I'm not living that already, who am I to be quoting that? I just don't do that. I I just will not do that. I don't do that She knows what scripture says. She's she and I have been in the word together For a long time. She has sat under thousands of bible studies john Thousands of them over the years She's heard me teach as well as other teachers For 40 some years now. So no, she knows the word And she knows the spirit and flow of the word So i'm not that guy who's going to say well Ephesians 5 says this or first peter 3 says that Now I did that one time with her But I was playing when I said read to me out of first peter We were driving she and we were dating and I said read to me out of first peter chapter Chapter she says well where chapter 3 So she starts reading and and it gets to the point where Sarah Obeyed abram calling him lord And and I stopped her and I said wait. What did that say? And she says it says abram that's Sarah obeyed And I go I like that word And then I said and what did she what did she call him? And she says Lord, I said there you go you know and There aren't guys who actually do that They actually will look at it says you obeyed and called him lord And you're gonna have nothing but a fight when you when you try and use the scripture as a as a weapon Yeah, you're a weaponizing scripture Uh, I don't do that because marina knows the flow. She knows like I said the command is a specific the word When john says my the word he's using the the the inference of scripture the the the general flow of what scripture says the principles of scripture In the bible doesn't say specifically thou shalt not smoke marijuana right But it does tell me to be not drunk with wine wearing is dissipation And what's the whole point of that? Well, the spirit of the scripture is that I lose my control self control When I'm allowing something else like wine to influence me and so I know the inference of scripture would be Well, I'm not to yield myself to something that causes a lack of control Marijuana fits that picture and therefore there's the spirit of the scripture where god wouldn't say it's okay to smoke pot because Because he doesn't and so that's how you kind of look at it And so in conversation with with my girl We we will never use she has never Quoted a scripture at me ever And I may have in the past. I don't know. I don't want to make myself guiltless. It's been a long time But I don't think I I don't think john even as a young Christian and a young teacher that I've ever quoted scripture to use it as a weapon to to make her do what I'm saying No, because if if if my love for her is not Bible-based If my love for her is not Is is not evidencing a manifestation Of god's spirit in his word Then it's not real. It's not it's not the kind she needs And so that's why the husband needs to you know wash the water with wash the wife with the water of the word He needs to he needs to have a prophetic Uh in chapter five Ephesians five It speaks concerning that the word that he washes her by That the the word is chosen to be god chose to inspire paul to use is not the word logos Which is the regular word speaking of the written word and things of that It's the word remma and the word remma there when the wash into the water of the word when he's speaking about the the remma The remma is uh, uh, it's been generalized to be the word for the moment It carries with it a prophetic utterance, which means That that i'm carrying a mantle as a husband of the one who speaks the word of god to the family in a prophetic sense And how am I going to do that if I don't know god's word? How am I going to be able to say the lord has led me to do this baby? And I really feel we need to she will not respect me if she doesn't see me living And if I'm living like what god says, I will have a prophetic mantle when I exercise the word And that's where the guys make their biggest mistakes is well They just use a scripture like it's their war tool to get something done And the wife has every every Understandable reason to say when you live it you can give it And that's where your fights are gonna You know, and so if the guy is not living as As the one who gives the remma gives that word for the moment that particular word for that instant Like what we have in our in In our and I don't think I'd be embarrassing my wife to say that in our early early marriage And when we didn't have money And we didn't have money and our bills were and she was going through the bills member And she was going through the bills at the kitchen table. She's crying And I walked in and I said to her Uh, why are you crying? And she said because honey, we don't have the money to pay our bills And in my home, I was raised by a father who would not eat until he paid his bills That's that's how I am as a man to this day, you know if I will I will not eat You know, I will pay my bill and because my name means that much to me And when she was crying and she knew that we don't have money To pay our bills and I said to her I said my god shall supply all that we need my god is able We have to trust him baby doll. We have to god will And try to encourage her and that's when that check came in the man. That's right. Oh, and that that's just one thing John There were a lot of other times when god just provided constantly for us You know in way in amazing ways You know when you put your face and trust in him, you know, he he He hears his children, you know, and I can say I've never gone out gone without anything You know, yes, we've had some lean times and stuff like that But you know what I have to say it was a good thing It really was It and you know, it really was because in ways you begin to grow in ways that you didn't even know You know, I mean and that was like putting your trust in him because really trust, you know, because sometimes you We get too comfortable you know and It's good not to be comfortable, you know God has a way of moving in our lives when we're uncomfortable And it really have to be dependent on him and and I I can I can say My life's been blessed, you know, I can say that god has always remained faithful to us and I would never Want another life never I remember on one occasion following the flow of the conversation I remember one occasion because Marie mentioned it's happened more than once. I remember on one occasion the same table Going at the end of the year. We're preparing our taxes And and I looked at my income of the year And I looked at our giving And we hadn't given the as the proportion that I believe we should be giving And I remember talking to to Marie in a kind of a firm way. Yes Yeah, and I said to her my god has supplied every dime I have And we will not rob him This family will not rob God He comes first I was really upset And god and my wife said honey, we can't afford to And I said we can we cannot afford not to We will give god first He will take care of us And he always and he did always has And that was a very important thing for us to get that's why she can tell you what you just told you It was I really learned I learned so much By being my giving by being faithful to god him first We learned a long time ago We'd learned a long time ago john and this may be veering the conversation in a different direction But we learned a long time ago That we can live just as well on nine pennies as we can on 10 We learned that a long time ago And uh, some things we did need some things we couldn't do, you know, if you you know this john, you know my kids David Aaron, especially fairly well, but you know my kids And um, they will tell you that there was a time in their life when a McDonald's hamburger was a treat It was a treat. They never got anything One of the when one of the pictures I have that I still When I see it still brings tears to me is a picture of my little girl cram Who was sitting with her little feet crossed? And I I'd never noticed that her shoes had holes in them And she was only three years old I couldn't afford shoes. I couldn't afford shoes for my babies I couldn't afford food for I couldn't take them up for them A vacation was getting up early in the morning And driving when they were still asleep in the back seat and spending one night in a hotel that cost us You know less than 30 40 dollars and I would put Anna who you know now very well Who's 36 years old soon to be 37 we would put her in a In a chest of drawers that you have inside of the room We would put a blanket in there and put the baby in there and she would sleep in a drawer Because we couldn't get a room that had enough space for four babies So that's what we did and they remember that they remember that but honoring the lord and and and living for him and finding ways to give them even if it's an overnight in a hotel and an eating a hamburger in the morning As a treat for breakfast or whatever We learned to we learned to trust the lord in a a lot of Very small things and if my wife had not been a woman who said whatever god does with us Is what I want I could have had a wife who complained because I couldn't afford shoes for the kids I could I I used to try and I let my kids hair grow for a long time He talked to dave someday He'll tell you and one and I would try try and trim it for him And I still remember he and he was maybe seven or eight years old How he came up to me nine years at the most daddy can I get a haircut because Kids were making fun of him I couldn't afford haircuts John I could afford a lot of things But I could not afford not To be faithful to god I believe that I still do I still do All of that goes into part of the budgeting you know part of the tensions of a home You put god first and you learn that he will supply my need not my greed Not my greed he supplies my need and my children they don't You know sometimes they'll say well when we were poor and and in a way John we were You know comparatively but not desperately You know we weren't we weren't like some of the people I've encountered who really are But we didn't have very much Very much at all, but you know what we had each other We had the lord We had a roof over our head and we had blankets on my baby's bodies and they'll tell you stories of the the 969 square foot house with four kids three living in one room And Anna sleeping in a little bassinet next to us until she was what two years old they'll they'll they'll tell you those stories and But It was all at the end. It was what stretched Marie and me together It it it made us find that the most basic things were the best things. That's why John. That's why Marie and I don't need to go places and do things. We really don't You know, well, some people are chomping at the bit to get out of the house because of the quarantine This is to us pretty much normal Seriously, right? I mean, we're always just together anyway. So we we learned to live simple lives a long time ago And uh, and I I think that's maybe off the course of what our original conversation was But that all went into Who we are, you know to to trust the more it really I did and I think for me That's see some those times were the sweetest times in my life Because I saw what God did and I don't regret I mean, I mean there I mean it was just a blessing to You know, sometimes people have too much too much jump, you know, and we We don't need too much stuff. We don't You know to um, we just don't and some And but a lot of people feel that way that they they need all this to make them happy that That doesn't make you happy. It makes you want more You know, and for me, I just felt thank you God, you know, thank you for meeting just our need our basic needs That's that was a blessing and I'm forever grateful for um, not having Not having stuff and I came from a family where there were six of us, you know children And I was the oldest of six, you know, so, you know, I you know, it was very We're always able to eat God, you know and Then we were all all good with it, you know, didn't have a lot of clothes But we had clothes enough to be clothed and go to school and all that but I I think sometimes there's an expectation of Just desiring more and more and more of things When things will never make you happy You know when you trust in the Lord and you've got him to guide you That's what we need. We need we you know, we need to trust in our God. He's a big God and he's He's faithful. He never will leave us or forsake us You know other people will and things Things you get tired of But our God remains is the only thing that really remains the same and And we've had a a very fruitful life You know, and I've had learned to learn a lot of lessons That's a good thing. It's not a bad thing. It's a good thing And when it comes to respecting your husband, I think Sometimes when you especially I think a lot of times when you're Not able to you know, uh, you're in you're in A place where you're financially It's difficult for you. Sometimes I think that's when a husband and wife Can get Mad at each other, you know and try to blame it one another um for Where they're at and I and I and I think they just need to hold on to one another and and encourage one another That God is faithful And and and that they ought to be doing the right things to correct if they you know If they're in a lot of trouble a financial trouble correct those things, you know But but hold on to one another, you know And and especially the Lord allow him To minister to them To one another, you know to one another and the end of the day, you know at the end of the day You just need each other. You do you need each other. I you know, I we've seen it with People who have gone gone home to be with the Lord, you know, you know, they're they're their last days They're not wishing they had a better car Nicer home, they're really not They're not they're not thinking those kinds of thoughts And oh, I wish it about those shoes You know, they don't think that way Because when stripped down to just the basic here. I am on a bed and I'm about to die And I want to live like I'm ready to die. That's how we live You know, I'm not going to lay on a bed in regret. I'm not so if you put the the Lord first and And like joshua says yes for me in my house. We'll serve the Lord What what is better than that? Yeah, there are tears that come into my my heart because you know as a man I wanted to I would like to provide for my family sometimes those material things, of course Of course, there's nothing wrong with that. You know, a man who doesn't provide for his own household Is worse than an infidel, but it's not just the material things. Of course, it's the spiritual things Because there are a lot of infidels who provide the material things, but no spiritual And me I wanted to provide the spiritual Things and and god freed us up eventually through finances and and help So I was able to give them other things too but I never wanted to create materialist children. I wanted to to raise children Who saw the value of worshiping god? and and so God was good to me and to mary and and we learned to communicate We learned to share our hearts, but we also learned to communicate when it came to personal wants and material needs and That's all part of it And then that flowed into just our love life, you know that That the courtesies and concerns that you have for that woman whom you love And and all it just flowed into that So that the lord is blessed. I said I would say You know, especially by now With uh, uh a deeper appreciation Of the person i'm with You know and the value of that person as a person I got upset at mary one day many years ago now and not like I never got upset again after that But I was real upset and I and I we were young married at the time and I was direct. I'm a very direct person I had to learn to Couch my words with gentleness because I didn't know how to do that and My fault. I just never thought about it to learn to do that whatever But I was very direct and She teared up and she was hurt by my words There's one who speaks his words like the piercing of a sword You know and and I pierced her little soul And and I I sensed an impression of the spirit of the lord I've never forgotten where the lord said do not speak to her that way. She's my little girl I've never forgotten that don't speak to her that way. She's my little girl and and and I'm not kidding I I mean, I'm really not I I didn't imagine that I I sensed that It was a very direct rebuke from god himself in my heart And he said don't speak to her that way. She's my little girl and it hit me She's she is Why am I treating her as if she's not? Why am I disrespect? Those are the things that you learn over time When you when you want to please god, those are the things you learn, you know, and I'm not saying everybody's going to Hear this internal voice. I'm not saying that of course. I think there have been unique instances in my life that That that are not for every person, but they have been true in in my life That was a very real moment And I haven't forgotten it It's been over 40 years and I haven't forgotten it. Be careful how you speak to this little girl She's god's little girl stuff like that when you actually take the bible and say this applies You know, love one another respect one another honor one another all of those one and others You apply that And you say this this is god's daughter You know, she may be my wife, but she's god's daughter You change the way you speak you change the way you treat her you honor her and you respect her and you You cherish her Why she belongs to god that that changed my life. It really did Well, and also a wife ought to be careful how she speaks of her husband, you know I I don't believe that a wife should go around telling people all sorts of bad things about their husband It makes him look bad and as well as her And I think women have to be careful of that if they need to confide go to a their pastor or their counselor and talk to them You know and um with you know get some help in your marriage, but don't don't Don't go around Saying how bad your husband is to everybody, you know, it really makes you look good bad not look good And and your husband is as well and you know, you might have issues with your own self, you know, and I'm sure that You know he can come he can come and say well you haven't done this that and the other either So we have to be careful women need to hold their tongues know when to hold their tongues they really do and Get counsel if they're having a problem in their marriage with one another and uh We've done pretty good about that We've done we've done God has been gracious, you know, God has been gracious. I I have to tell you I never heard my mom disrespect my father ever Ever and that's that's always Something I could always say my mom was has always been you know behind her husband and and uh Very respectful to my father And my and I never heard my father either my children can say that about their mother That's that's a fact Marie does not disrespect me And they've never seen her do that. She never has she doesn't she did one time and she didn't know that she did But I explained to her that she did And that was the only time and that was once again early in our marriage Maybe with while she was pregnant with Corinne So it was early in our marriage And It was a minor thing that I didn't appreciate and she didn't realize But your mom picked up on it. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's because I looked at my mother-in-law Marie had said something silly and I looked at my mother-in-law and my mother-in-law looked back at me like She just stepped in the landmine She gave me that look and I remember looking at my mother-in-law And I learned to turn to Marie and I said Marie it's time for us to go And I looked at her mother and I nodded. Goodbye, Mrs. Lopez And she was looking at her daughter like she's going out to get slaughtered right now And we went to the car and he said don't ever speak to me like that again. Yeah, don't ever say something like that again I said I'm not your I'm not your joke. I'm your husband. Yes And she she never has since then I take those things real seriously. She knows that and she didn't mean it No, I didn't I was I was very foolish. It was stupid and foolish Yeah, but she didn't do that But it's those things that you've learned over the years Oh, she did and we did I did We learned you and that's what marriage is right you learn Do you want to stay married you learn you learn each other you learn each other or each other's language? I mean you learn you learn what they like and what they don't like That's you know, and and what a wife is supposed to be. Well, you look we learned You know, it's it's been good Well, you guys thank you so much that that was a good conversation and it does tie back again To communication because it's part of it in our growth in Christ and with one another And it's important that as husband and wives that we all stay in the Word of God And allow the Holy Spirit to lead us and to deny ourselves and to learn one another And so you guys thank you so much. I really appreciated this and I had a good time It was fun and church family. I hope you guys enjoy this and we do look forward to meeting again and Pastor are there a few last words you'd like to say I just said I love I love my people. I love our church. I miss you and Looking forward to getting together again real soon, but until then keep watching us Love you