 This is why narcissists devalue you so fast. For those who spend enough time around the narcissist, no one is immune to the devaluation. Where they begin to reduce or underestimate your worth or importance. Where they belittle you and put you down. When in the beginning they idealized you. They loved bombed you. They put you on a pedestal. But then as soon as you believed that what they were displaying to you was real. They began to devalue you. They criticised you. They treated you with contempt. And it seemed as though they were more interested in their phone than you, even while you were sitting in front of them. They began to insult you and it was very confusing for you. Because you couldn't understand what you did wrong. And in most situations they will never tell you. But their behaviour will change very quickly. Just at the moment when you begin to accept them. Even though you may have been resisting them for some time. You may have thought it was too good to be true. Because you didn't want to be manipulated or exploited. But the moment you believed that it was real. That's when they pulled the rug out from under you. And showed you that it was never real. That was when they began to devalue you. And one of the main reasons why they did that is because they hate themselves. They have very low self esteem. So the moment you see anything good in them. It activates their contempt for themselves and for their lack of self respect. Which they then project onto you because they already know that unworthy. They already know they're no good for you. So the moment you see anything good in them it triggers them. And it reminds them of that fact. Because they don't want to self reflect and deal with those painful emotions. So instead they project the devaluation of themselves onto you. If they really loved and respected themselves they would not be able to devalue you. How we treat other people is a direct reflection of how we feel about ourselves. So what you got from them was what they had to give. You can't get blood from a stone. They can't give you something they don't have. They don't love themselves so they can't love you. They hate themselves so all they can do is hate and devalue you. Until it gradually becomes normal. And you experience regular intervals of insult and invalidation. And then finally they decide to discard you. They have no use for you so they get rid of you. The more time you spend around a narcissist the more your value goes down. Which is the opposite effect of being involved with a normal person. Because in a normal situation your value would go up. As they learn more about you. As they identify your strength and weaknesses. And you encourage each other to grow and become better. That does not happen with narcissists. Instead even if you have many different strengths. They will home in on your weaknesses and exploit them. Because there's so much self-hatred and self-contempt inside of them. And they have to find a way to regulate their emotions. But there's really nothing you can tell them. You can't ask them why because they're only going to gas like you. And they may even deny that they're devaluing you. They will say that you're paranoid. They will say that you're hypersensitive. And they may even call you crazy. They're just not going to hold themselves accountable for the actions. All you're going to get from the narcissist is more gas-lighting. The more time you spend around them. The deeper you go into the rabbit hole. To where things begin to make less and less sense as they run you in circles. Because the reality is that it actually has nothing to do with you as a person. If anyone else was in your shoes. They would have experienced very similar results. And we all do experience similar results. That's what they do. That's why these videos are so relatable. Because we've all experienced the same treatment from the narcissist. But we can never get the answers we wanted from them. They never gave us any closure or validation. Because that would mean that they'd have to admit that they're deeply insecure. And they're unable to make healthy attachments. And that's why they're rejecting you and treating you badly. Until you observe the insecurities and decide to leave them. Which is just something that no narcissist is ever going to admit. It's one of the main traits that they all have in common. They're all in denial. They don't admit their actions. They don't accept accountability. They just run you in circles. They gas-light you. Because the last thing they want is to have anything to do with themselves. They run from themselves and expect you to run from them as well. Which is why they will often deliberately push you away. Because they already know that you shouldn't want anything to do with them. They already know that they're no good. But they're never going to tell you that. They're never going to give an explanation. Because they're not even fully aware of what is happening. They're more focused on you and how you're responding to it. You may not have even realized it. But the reality is that the victim always initiates the devaluation and the discard. It's because you chose to not go along with that agenda. Maybe you questioned or confronted them. Maybe they feared that you were going to expose them. Or maybe you didn't even say anything. But they could sense it. They knew you were not along for the ride. Narcissists are highly attuned to other people's perceptions of them. They're predators. They study people's body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. So that there can always be two steps ahead of you. And then they know how you're going to respond. Because they're terrified of rejection and abandonment. Which is essentially anything that happens outside of their control. So they already knew a long time ago that you were never going to accept them. They recognized all of the things that you saw wrong with them. And it affected them. Even though they may never have a real debt to you. It was playing on their minds. It was eating away at them. Until one day it became clear to you that they felt you were against them. When you may never have felt that way towards them. But it's because you just didn't go along with what they wanted. You resisted their advances. You were stood their actions and effects. You held out against them. While other victims of narcissists may have learned to pacify them by acceding to their demands. To relieve and satisfy their feelings. To keep them calm and stay in their good graces. But you didn't do that. You resisted. You refused to be accepted or changed by them. And the reason why is often because of childhood abuse. Because it typically results in social withdrawal and isolation. Where you lose desire and motivation in going along with the program. Especially with narcissistic people who have to maintain an authoritative role. Because maybe no one was there to protect you. So you may have developed a fear or a distrust of authority. You may prefer to make decisions on your own. Because you never witnessed a positive result resulting from their decisions in the past. But narcissists only feel comfortable if they have some form of power over you. They need to be able to control you. So when you're dealing with them. They won't allow you to have any boundaries. They will constantly devalue you. And if you try to set a boundary they will discard you. But even when they discard you. Because they're very insecure they will decide to keep control. So they will try to hover you back. And if you fall for it the cycle will begin again. They will idealize you. They will devalue you. And then they will discard you. And that is something that is never going to change your end. Unless you take your power back and you decide to end the cycle. But they will often try to confuse you into thinking that love and abuse are the same thing. Because that is their idea of love. It's something that is owed to them. And it depends on your unconditional adoration. Which will inevitably lead to toxic and one sided dynamics. Because they devalue intimacy. They reduce and underestimate the worth and importance of close personal relationships. Because they lack empathy. So they don't even care. Many of the reactions and behaviors are done without thinking. They're just unconsciously responding to their own insecurities. So that it will reflect back to them how they want to feel about themselves. Which is why they actually feel comfortable in chaotic environments. Because they have no regard for how it hurts you. They have an inability to shed your feelings or experience. No matter how much they try to learn or study you. There will always be that disconnection, that state of being detached. As though they're unable to connect to you or understand you. Because they can't feel what you feel. They have no idea of how it feels for you. And it's something that they will never be able to comprehend. Because they just don't possess the necessary faculties or components to achieve that. Which can be frustrating for them at times. But it's also what ignites their addiction. Because they enjoy the excitement. They enjoy the emotional rollercoaster of the toxic cycle. It's a thrill for them. Even though it's a one-sided experience. It's something that you are not even connected to. Because just as they can't understand your emotions you can't understand theirs. You can't understand how another person's pain could bring someone pleasure. That's just incomprehensible for an empath. As long as we're in a sane state of mind. But for the narcissist it brings them excitement and it's very addictive. To where you may also find yourself being sucked into their toxic cycle. Because it may remind you of your childhood. Where you're trying to please your unpleasable parent. And it may feel exciting when you are idealized. Even if it's only for a moment. But inevitably because they lack empathy. The devaluation and discard will follow. And that will feel familiar too. You will begin to feel like you're not enough. Just as you may have experienced with the narcissistic parent. So you endure the narcissist cycle. And it's not even for yourself or for your own needs. But because you just want to show your love and devotion. Because you believe you're going to put it right and free them from error. When that is never going to happen. You're just putting yourself in a situation where you are going to be harmed. And that is not love. They may make excuses for their behavior. They may even tell you that they've experienced abuse and trauma. And while that may be unfortunate and you may feel sorry about that. It is not your responsibility. You can't change their past. All you're going to be to them is an object. Which they repeatedly devalue and then reject. And while it never satisfies them or give them the advantage that they're looking for. It's also affecting your mental and physical health. So no one wins them again. But in a way they're actually okay with that. They will tolerate it. And they will sacrifice their own satisfaction and advantage if it means that they can get to you. Because although a lot of times it may seem like they're trying to win or achieve something. They're actually just trying to prevent you from achieving something that they can't. Because they can't be satisfied. No matter how much you try to love them. They're never going to be happy. It just triggers their self-hatred. And then they devalue and discard you and the cycle starts on over again. The only way that you can win and take back your power is by removing yourself from the toxic cycle. You're never going to win with them. No one ever has and no one ever will. Thank you for watching. If you found this video helpful please give it a thumbs up. Share your thoughts in the comment section. Hit the subscribe button to receive the notifications. If you would like to support the channel you can donate at paypal.me.narch.surviver. You can book a one on one with me on my website. It's narchsurviver.co.uk. Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon.