 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of johnthanasley.com and I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic, the seven things, wait a minute, should we do it, the seven things that make up a man's love commitment style, the seven things that make up the love commitment style. Okay, really quickly, if you're new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new content. I shoot about three or four videos a week. So all right, those seven things that make up a man's love commitment style. Now you probably are wondering, what is love commitment style? Okay, you've heard of love attachment style and if you haven't heard of love attachment style, we're gonna be talking about that in a few minutes but I'm gonna shift the narrative and bring up something brand new. I call it the love commitment style. What that means is how a man's personality comes into effect to his decision making process of choosing commitment. And I'm talking about personality here today, not necessarily how he makes the commitment but what makes up his personality to get to a level of commitment, okay? So this is gonna take a little while so please do me a favor, hit pause right now, grab a pen and paper because you're gonna wanna take notes or what you can do is in the comments section start writing notes because this is really good juicy stuff and I know some of you will probably all write this down and post in the comments below. Okay, so number one starts with our instinct. What makes up our personality starts with our instinct and what I mean is it's our basic caveman survival, fight and flight, provider, protector, hunter and then there's women who are gatherers and berry pickers because this is for both men and women alike. We start with our instinct, right? What that, how we were instinctually raised that goes back tens and tens of thousands if not millions of years. So that's number one. Number two is our biology. Obviously men and women are different. One of the primary differences in biology is men happen to have more testosterone than women and women biologically give birth to a child and when they give birth, when they're breastfeeding they actually release a hormone called oxytocin that helps the child bond with the mother. So biologically speaking, we are different. Men have penises, women have vaginas, okay? By the way, my audience is mostly heterosexual people so I'm speaking to that demographic here. So recognizing that biology and instincts plays a part, not a huge part. Now this is where a lot of dating coaching advice centers around instinct and biology but today we're gonna go deeper. In fact, we're gonna crack the nut, if you will, to the deeper question of love commitment style because this is where a lot of dating advice gets tripped up because it's mostly focused on instinct and biology but now we're gonna go deeper. And the third thing is socialization. Socialization, how we were socialized as children as both boys and as girls and there is definitely a difference. So I almost want, I said a moment ago that most dating coaches focus on these two things. They really focus on these three things because it includes socialization because boys are often taught, very young, to stuff it in, to be a man, keep it in. Don't share your feelings. And where girls have been more prone to be able to express their feelings at a very young age. So this creates some of the differences already between men and women is the way we are socialized and that includes all the expectations around dating, mating and relating is based on socialization. So again, I wanna apologize, I said two but I really meant these three things is where most dating advice is wrapped up. But I said we're gonna go deeper and now we're gonna go deeper into the fourth piece of understanding what makes up a man's personality and that's his imprinting. What happened in his, and this is men and women alike. So what happened in a child's life, those formative years that begin to create who they are as a person. And if you're not familiar with the book Attached, I highly recommend getting the book Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller because this book is really gonna help you understand love attachment and I'm sure you've heard of secure, anxious, avoidant and then there's avoidant dismissive and avoidant fearful. Okay, so there's all love attachment is how we bond with another human being starting early on in our childhood. And to further this, it's important to understand something called the Amago. And if you're not familiar with the book of by Harvelle Hendricks, I talk about it frequently getting the love you want by Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hunt, okay. This is when you see a person choosing the same type of people over and over again, it's because of the imprinting that happened in our childhood. And these are typically unresolved childhood wounds and traumas, unresolved childhood wounds and traumas. And many of you who've been watching my videos have heard me talk about the Hoffman process. And this is a deep dive to heal those childhood wounds and traumas which center around our parenting, which brings us back to the Amago, which brings us back to love attachment stuff. So can you see how right off the bat, now we started with our personality as our instinct, you know, that hunter, provider, shoot the buffalo, that sort of thing. And women are bad gathers and berry pickers as my friend Alison Armstrong talks about. And then we go into the biology, our chemical differences. And then we go into the socialization but now imprinting is where we begin to, we start to be more alike. In other words, our imprinting. And now each person's imprinting is unique and different to them, just like our thumb, thumb print. Okay, that's mine. But what happens is this is all happened in our young age and this starts to begin to make up our personality. And what happens in our imprinting directly affects how we operate as human beings, our negative patterns and limiting beliefs. So can you see how this plays in a huge role? And if you find yourself dating the same type of guy over and over again, chances are you're following a pattern. If you have negative beliefs about yourself and what not, it's probably because some imprinting happened in your childhood. Now we're gonna go deeper and we're gonna talk about life experiences because life experiences play a huge role in this. Most of us at midlife, those who follow my work are midlife, which is after baby making years and before retirement, we followed this blueprint of go to college, get a job, meet a girl or guy, get married, buy a house, start a family. That was our blueprint and now our blueprint is in chaos because we don't, many people don't have any directionality in what they want in relationship. They don't have any purpose. They don't have any intention because they don't know what the framework looks like and if they've had negative experiences, these life experiences which oftentimes resulted in many traumas can directly affect someone's personality and it's a person's personality that makes up their love commitment style, how they commit to a relationship. Are you tracking me so far? I know I'm throwing out a lot of content here, okay? And we're gonna go even a little bit deeper, deeper, okay? But it's important to recognize this because I know many of you women are operating from that fantasy. It should look like the movie The Notebooker. It should look like the movie Serendipity. Those happen to be two movies that I happen to like along with Princess Bride. If anyone likes the movies I recommended, please post a comment below. Let me know you're tracking this. Let me know which one of your romantic comedy movies was the one that made set up your blueprint of what you think relationships should look like. But let's face it, it's a clusterfuck out there. It's a mess out there. And so when we, I shared with you the first five of understanding what makes up a personality, person's personality, but a person's personality is how they choose their love commitment style. I'll shoot another video on what is their love commitment style but I want you to understand the things that make up a person's love commitment style. Because the love, well, let me just break it down. Love commitment is whether or not they choose a casual relationship or a fully committed relationship. Most people, I would say the vast majority of people are operating from what's called stable ambiguity. Esther Perel talks about this in her book. She wrote the book called Mating and Captivity, but you can Google stable ambiguity. And that's basically people who want connection, companionship and sex without the deeper fully commitment, the deeper commitment to building the roots of trust to build commitment. And if you wanna learn how to build the roots of trust then you should be buying the book Eight Dates by Dr. John Gottman, Eight Dates by Dr. John Gottman. This will teach you how to build those roots of trust. Because that's sorely missing because someone who has a love commitment style that wants to go the distance, in other words, they wanna move in with someone or get married, that's in their consciousness, they've been doing some of this work preparing themselves for it. And if they haven't, well, they might mean that they have to heal some childhood wounds, they might have to heal traumas, they might have to do some work. And that brings us to the sixth piece and that's the person who is introspective. Introspective, in other words, they look inward. They look inward. And oftentimes, and this is the seventh piece, this is directly related to their intellect because their intellect says, I wanna explore something deeper. So there's introspective work looking inside and intellect says, I want to explore a deeper relationship with someone else, not from that base caveman. Most dating advice is pandering to the caveman or woman, that instinct, the biology, the socialization without any consideration. So when you hear about leaning back, leaning back, leaning back, feminine energy, masculine energy, that's all just a bunch of, ah, I wanna stick my finger down my throat. Because what's most more important is for you to get clarity on yourself. And if you've been following my work, you know I wrote a book called, What the Heck Is Self-Love Anyway? There's a link to buy the book right below in the description, selflovethebook.com. Many of you are operating without the basic element of self-love, the men included. Hence why introspective work means you're going to consider personal development, self-help, and spiritual work as a daily practice to preparing yourself for an amazing relationship. Because when you're prepared for an amazing relationship, you can dive deep into love commitment style. You can dive into a love commitment style that says, yes, I wanna get, I wanna put this, I'm gonna take this finger and put it here, the marriage finger, okay? For those of you who wanna get married, not everyone who wanna get married. By the way, the reason why I wear the ring on this finger is I read a book called Ring Shwey and said if you wanna attract a marriage in your life, put this on the opposite ring finger because you're keeping the space open so you can eventually go like this. Hey, I don't know if it's gonna work, but I have it on there for that reason, so just to give you a heads up. By the way, for those that see my bracelets, this one is for my son, Connor, who had passed away. That was a gift from someone, so anyone who's, a few of you have asked about my bracelets, that's why I wear that. By the way, in that picture with my son and my son Colin, we're both showing off the bracelets. All right, I think you're tracking where I'm going. If you're not, and you have a question, please post it below. I read all the questions. I try to respond as many as I can. In fact, if you're interested in doing a deep or dive to get clarity on who you are and what you want relationship, check out the link to schedule a free discovery call to see if working with a coach is right for you. All right, we've covered a lot today. I hope you found value in this. I'd love to hear your perspective on this, so please post a comment. What else do I want to say? Look it, there's nothing easy about this process of dating, mating, relating. It is a clusterfuck out there. However, when you step into your sovereignty, when you step into your power, when you step into your self-love, this becomes a much easier process. And most of the time, we just need a little bit of tweaking to get there. And I'm hoping that this conversation has tweaked you a little bit, has shifted your perspective, in maybe moving in a direction that's going to attract great love in your life. And that's my invitation for everyone and my hope for everyone as well. All right, I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do. First off, giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan Bear hug of self-love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love. If it's okay, I'm going to ask you to turn to someone and give them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives. Thanks so much and wishing you a fabulous day. Thanks, bye-bye now.