 Hey, Psych2Goers! Emotions, feelings, and all that intangible inner turmoil can be tough to deal with because dealing with it can feel unpleasant. We often do what we can to draw negative attention away from ourselves. This can take the form of simply distracting from our issues to redirecting the attention or even passing the blame on to others. While children commonly resort to such methods, these behavior patterns can sometimes follow people into adulthood. As an adult, the consequences are more serious than extra chores or being sent to one's room. Not dealing with your feelings properly as an adult may manifest as fear of intimacy, unbalanced sleep cycles, or angry outbursts. While the behavior may seem erratic, it can point to an emotional struggle. As adults, you may be so used to using your chosen mechanisms that you don't recognize them. Knowledge is power, so let's look at some signs of not dealing. Number one, repression. A sure sign that you are eschewing your emotions is if you are repressing them. We tend to look at the near future and thus feel it's easier to bury these emotions than to confront them head-on. You may have been described as stoic or maybe heard the description of being extremely laid-back, as in laid-back to the point where expression is so limited you don't appear to react to anything. Even when it is wholly appreciated to do so. Perhaps this has been portrayed as being too cool to care by acting constantly disaffected, like some teen romance movie character. This could also take the form of being the ever-joking, humorous, fun person. You're not bothered by the thing because you just made a joke about it, right? Right? Truthfully, these are signs that you may feel uncomfortable about or fear over at displays of emotion from yourself or others. Number two, fear of intimacy. Speaking of fear, another sign of not processing or handling emotions well is a fear of intimacy. Intimacy requires you to be vulnerable and feel all the uncomfortable feelings you do not want to feel. When you deny, deflect, or otherwise don't deal with your emotions, you are not allowing yourself to feel them completely. Consequently, you will have a hard time expressing them. As has been discussed in other videos and articles, our partners, friends, and loved ones aren't mind readers. The inability to express emotions leads to vague excuses for how you feel or maybe lies and distractions to cover up emotional discomforts. This kind of inability to express emotions and allow that kind of vulnerability severely hobbles effective communication, resulting in conflicts and the subsequent strain on the relationship. Number three, elevated levels of stress. Being dishonest or neglectful of your feelings is a denial of self. This leads to elevated stress. Emotions usually serve as a release outlet for stress, both mental and emotional. When you plug that outlet with denial, dishonesty, and neglect, pressure increases. And you can imagine that certainly does not feel good and likely does not have a great outcome. Number four, projection. Projection refers to the act of placing your feelings on someone else the same way a projector projects an image onto a wall. However, projecting involves more than feelings. What happens when we have a whole bunch of unpleasant, embarrassing, and painful emotions that we don't want to consciously deal with? We unconsciously project our emotions and flaws onto other people so that someone else is responsible for how we feel. People who have low self-esteem or those who do not fully understand themselves are susceptible to projecting. A common example of this is when a cheating spouse accuses their partner of being the unfaithful one. And number five, denial. This is straight up lying to yourself. Just think of how many times you've said, I'm fine. When you don't really mean it, regardless of how many times you say, I'm fine, I'm good, this won't make it true if you don't give your emotions the effort, time or space to properly feel and deal. We are human and our actions sometimes even our physiology will put truth to the lie. Most of us try to put our heads down and bulldoze through difficult situations by pretending to be just fine. And on the surface, although it may seem helpful, the constant denial results in an erosion of self and increasing stress on mental health. We understand that we don't want to deal with unpleasant and difficult emotions. They're unpleasant and difficult. However, we are complex beings with complex brains and we owe it to ourself to embrace this complexity and flourish in our complicated selves to fully experience our humanity. As much as it doesn't feel good to deal with troubling emotions, understand that neglecting our emotions allows festering and long term detrimental damage to your emotional health. And it'll feel worse later. Coping can be hard and it can be confusing to know where to start. Fortunately, there is professional help out there just waiting to lend a hand. Valley forth and be courageous. We'll catch you next time.