 Amen all right well thank you very much for being here tonight we're there in 1st Timothy chapter 3 and first of all I just want to say thank you for coming and my wife and I and our family were excited to be here and that's an interesting story brother Jared told about the salvation has been like a haircut and I don't never heard that that one before but something I had heard it made me think about one time I was out soul-winning and this guy told me that salvation is like taking a college course and he said you know you can enroll in the class but that doesn't mean you're gonna pass the test and I'm not really sure what that means but I'm pretty sure it's heresy so anyway people got they have all sorts of weird thoughts about you know what salvation is and so it's our job to try to teach them what the Bible teaches the simplicity of the gospel and so praise Lord for that and so we're excited to be here and we're there in 1st of me chapter 3 I'm not continuing tonight I thought about doing the habit series just jumping into brother Jared's habit series just because I've always wanted to eat McDonald's while I'm preaching but you know I figure I figure it's been done so you know it wasn't something that I needed wanted to do but tonight I want to preach a very specific sermon and really to the church family and you probably hear me say this a lot Lord willing this year later on this year I will be ordaining brother Jared as the pastor of this church and at that point this church will be an independent Baptist church you'll have a pastor and a pastor's wife and a pastor's family and pastors kids and all of that and I see it as my job when I'm here and I'm not here very much but when I am here to try to help prepare you for that transition for that reason if you've noticed when I came here I'll preach sermons like how to be a great church member or the working church and how to be a church that works in the ministry and works together and I'll continue to preach sermons like that because I want you to be ready for the day that you are independent that you are not a satellite of our ministry and sacramental but your own church here and what I'd like to do is preach a couple of sermons as I prepare you for soon having a pastor I'd like to preach a couple of sermons on the subject of how to treat your pastor and how to treat your pastor's wife and how to treat your pastor's family and so that's what we're going to be dealing with tonight specifically tonight I'm going to preach to you on the subject of how to treat your pastor's wife and family and you're where they're in 1st Timothy chapter 3 please keep your place there because we're going to come back to that but go with me if you would to 1st Peter chapter 3 and if you're there in 1st Timothy you're just going to go past 2nd Timothy Titus Philemon Hebrews James into the book of 1st Peter keep your place in 1st Timothy we're going to come back to it go to 1st Peter chapter 3 let me go ahead and say this the reason for the sermon is to prepare you as a young church as a newer church getting ready to transition into an independent church we want you to be ready to know how you should be how you should act I'm not preaching the sermon because there's any problems or anything like that but what we have learned in ministry is that preventative preaching is always better than corrective preaching if you can teach people ahead of time you know and prevent problems then to try to correct problems after the fact and you know you might be here tonight or maybe even listening online and thinking you know a sermon on how to treat your pastor's wife you know who what is this sermon for and who is this sermon for and let me just go ahead and kind of just by way of reduction explain that number one it's for the church people it's for a church family to know how to treat their pastor's wife and it's not just the pastor's wife you know it's any wife in ministry it could be a deacons wife it could be a staff wife you know at very about this church we have a deacon and a deacons wife we have staff that is on on our staff and we have staff wives and really it's for the church family this church family here in Fresno but any church family to know how they should deal with how they should treat their pastor's wife and other wives in ministry but the sermon is also for current pastor's wives and deacons wives and staff wives and and again not just here in this room but the Lord has allowed our church to have a ministry that allows that people listen to the preaching online and I'm sure there'll be some pastor's wives and deacons wives and evangelist wives that might listen to this sermon and I want them to know that the sermon's for them to to help them you know to really understand their role in the ministry and and by the way let me just say this as far as you know pastor deacon staff wives that we have in Verity Baptist Church or that came out of Verity Baptist Church I will tell you we've got awesome ladies and I've got nothing but good things to say about our pastor's wife my wife and and any other leader leadership wives that we have in ministry but I will say this unfortunately that's not the case in all churches and not all churches have you know just great pastor's wives and if there are some listening you know this is a sermon for them but also let me say this this is a sermon for future pastor's wives because hopefully sitting even in this room there are some young men and some young ladies that may go into ministry someday and they're gonna have a pastor's wife they're gonna be a deacons wife they're gonna be a staff wife and this is a sermon for them as well and this is a sermon that needs to be preached because in ministry the devil puts a big target on the pastor and his family in 1 Peter chapter 3 and verse 7 if you're there the Bible says this likewise ye husbands dwell with them according to knowledge giving honor unto the wife I want you to notice these words as unto the weaker vessel now usually when pastors or when guys get up and preach this verse you know they talk about the weaker vessel they say the wife is the weaker vessel and you know we have to help them and protect them because they are weaker and to an extent that is true but I always like to point out the fact that I want you to notice it doesn't say as unto the weak vessel right because if it said the weak vessel then that would be in comparison to you know the man who's a strong vessel but that's not what it says it says as unto the weaker vessel that is in comparison to the man who is weak as well because we are the only one that's strong is the Lord the only strong in the Lord men are weak women are the weaker vessel we all need to rely on the Lord but the point is this that in ministry there is going to be a target on the pastor's back there's going to be a target on the pastor's wife's back and on the family because obviously if you can attack the pastor's family you can attack the ministry so this is why a sermon like this is important because we want to teach the church family how to treat their pastor's family and specifically tonight we're talking about the pastor's wife and and how to protect her in that role as well and I think next time I come I might preach a sermon on how to treat your pastor but tonight I want to I want to specifically deal with how to treat your pastor's wife and there's a lot of things that people believe about this and things that maybe maybe thoughts you've had that may be inaccurate I'd like to help teach you what the Bible teaches about that go back to first of me chapter 3 if you would and look down at verse number 11 and let me just begin and I'm gonna give you four points tonight if you can write these down I think it would help you and on the back of your bulletin of course there's a place for you to write some of these things down and I like you to first of all recognize the pastor's wife's place the first thing that we should do when we talk about the pastor's wife and the pastor's family is that you should recognize the pastor's wife's place now in first Timothy chapter 3 which is the chapter we read at the beginning of this sermon of this sermon we find the ordination qualifications for both the pastor and the deacon and in those ordinations we notice that the families are mentioned the Bible talks about the pastor being the husband of one wife that he needs to be able to rule his own house well here in verse 11 it's specifically about the deacon but the qualifications are pretty much the same for the pastor as well and here the wife is being mentioned verse 11 says this even so must their wives be grave and the word grave means serious and that doesn't mean that they can't smile or joke around a little bit but it means that they should take life seriously that they should be grave in their purpose realizing that we are living in what we're doing is serious business then it says not slanders that means a slander someone who attacks the reputation of another by falsely damaging the reputation and deacon's wife a pastor's wife cannot be someone who is a slander it says sober again the idea is to be serious not under the influence of drugs or alcohol of course as well faithful that means to be consistent loyal or dependable it says in all things notice verse 12 let the deacons be the husbands of one wife and again not divorced ruling their children and their own houses well so we see that God here mentions the wives in the qualifications for ordination now there's a couple of things I want you to notice in regards to the wife or just kind of takeaways in regards to the wife in the ordination qualifications the ordination qualification shows us that the pastor's wife does not hold an office in the church and we want to be clear about that you know when you talk about the pastor's wife or the deacons wife or the staff wives there are generally two extremes that people like to go one extreme is to look at the pastor's wife as like a position in the church that the pastor's wife holds an office in the church this is this is why you see you know Joel and Victoria Osteen right they're like co-pastoring co-partnering you know she gets up there and preaches better than he does and you know all that stuff you know and that's where you kind of get that idea sometimes and I don't think there's anything wrong with this but you know it's not something we do it's not our culture but sometimes in these types of churches they'll call the pastor's wife the first lady right and we've had that you know where sometimes people come to our church and they call my wife the first lady and you know we're always kind of chuckle in and and there's that's not sinful you know I just I just they're gonna call her the first lady I want them to call me the president is what I think but you know you know but but sometimes people they have this idea that like the pastor's wife is like the female pastor or the co-pastor or the lady pastor and that's not what the Bible teaches the Bible if you notice if we look here in 1st and 3rd the qualifications when the wife is mentioned it is all a reflection on the husband you know she needs to be faithful and not a slanderer and sober and grave and all and and all these things because the Bible says the husband is the the husbands of one wife ruling their children and their own house as well it has to do with how the husband rules a house it is a reflection upon the husband so one extreme is to say oh the pastor's wife is like the co-pastor and that is an unbiblical extreme and the ordination qualifications show us that the pastor's wife does not hold an office in the church there's only a few offices in the local New Testament church that is of the pastor of the deacon and of the evangelist and the pastor's wife is the wife of the pastor and the deacon's wife is the wife of the deacon and the evangelist wife is the wife of the evangelist but they do not hold an office in the church with that said let me say this the other extreme because one extreme is the pastor's wife holds a position hold an office in the church that's an unbiblical extreme but then there's another extreme that I believe is just as dangerous and it is you know this extreme that says well the pastor's wife is just like any regular church member just there's nothing special about the pastor's wife there's nothing special about the deacon's wife there's nothing special about any of these ladies you know they're just they're they're just like a regular member but if you notice the ordination qualifications show us that the pastor's wife not only does she not a hold an office but it also shows us that she's not a regular member you say well what do you mean she's not a regular member well you know just think about it if I'm talking to a man who's married who's a regular member just a regular member here at Verity Baptist Church in Fresno or a regular member at Verity Baptist Church in Sacramento let's say I'm talking to a man that's married and let's say that his wife gets back slid in and quits the church then what do we do I mean that's happened from time to time where a wife gets back slid in she quits coming to church she she she goes she stops walking with the Lord you know in in a situation where it's just a regular man in the church and his wife gets back slid in and quits the church what do we do we pray for her we reach out to her we try to encourage her to get to come back to the Lord and do things like that okay what if the pastor's wife gets back slid and quits the church you know what happens the pastor has to step down in many cases the church is closed out so you know this idea that says oh the pastor's wife is just like any other regular church member well here's the problem with that if the pastor's wife quits the church the pastor has to quit the ministry so you know this extreme that says well the pastor's wife just just like any other member there's nothing special about her that's not necessarily the case either the ordination qualifications the fact that they mentioned the why of the pastor and of the deacon and of people that need to be ordained those ordinations and the fact that they're mentioned there it shows us that yes the pastor's wife does not hold an office in the church that's one extreme but it also shows us that the pastor's wife's not just a regular member like anybody else because here's the thing when ladies quit the church and leave the church our hearts break and we break for them but you know the pastor on that step down the deacon doesn't have to quit his job that nobody has to leave the ministry as a result so the first thing i want you to understand when it comes to how to treat your pastor's wife is recognize the pastor's wife's place she does not hold a position or an office but she's not just a regular church member just like everyone else because lots of people can quit and the pastor continues on in ministry but if his kids quit if his wife quits that affects his qualifications so recognize the pastor's wife's place secondly go to Genesis if you would Genesis chapter two it's the first book in the bible should be fairly easy to find Genesis chapter two and look at verse 18 not only would i like you to recognize the pastor's wife's place but secondly tonight i'd like you to realize the pastor's wife's purpose what is the purpose of the pastor's wife well like any wife the pastor's wife is to be a help meet to her husband are you there in Genesis chapter two look at verse 18 Genesis chapter two and verse 18 the bible says this and the lord god said it is not good that the man should be alone i will make him and notice these words help meet for him and help me now what does that mean and help me the word meet means suitable it means someone that is there that is fitted correctly to help a help meet is a help suitable for who for him for the man the bible teaches that the wife is to be the help meet for her husband i realized today this is not preaching that's that's that's that's really uh said a lot obviously i know here and i know uh you know brother jared preaches these things but in our culture today this is not something that's emphasized a lot but the bible says that the woman was created for the man the bible says that she was created to be his help meet and here's the truth the truth is this wife that it is your job in in this relationship it's your job to be the help meet for your husband and you will find your purpose in life and you will find joy and contentment in life when you embrace that role you know the devil tries to get the the the ladies to do today is to say no you you got to let him be your help me you go be the president united states you go be the ceo of some company you go be the governor have him stay home that is not the roles that god and i'm not preaching on that tonight but the point is this god created a wife to be a help meet to be a help suitable say well how does that apply to the pastor's wife well because the pastor's wife is the pastor's help me she obviously is going to be heavily involved in the ministry of her husband i mean it would make sense it would make sense that any wife be interested and involved to whatever ability and whatever her husband is doing and whatever her husband is passionate about so you say well okay the pastor's wife doesn't hold a position but she's not just a regular person you know i understand the place but what about the purpose well here's the purpose she's the pastor's wife she's the pastor's help me she was the one that god gave that pastor to be uh suited to help him with the purpose of his life and if he's in ministry if he has answered the call if he has chosen to be ordained and go in ministry then obviously the pastor's wife as the pastor's help me is going to be heavily involved in ministry go go to titus chapter number two if you kept your place in first timothy i'm not sure if you kept your place in first timothy uh i should have told you to do that but from first timothy you got second timothy then you have the book of titus titus chapter number two because the pastor's wife is the pastor's help me she is obviously going to be heavily involved in the ministry and and who's what you need to understand the bible teaches that it is appropriate for ladies to take roles of leadership among other ladies now obviously we're not you know we're not joe loesting with victoria loesting we're not joey smeyer's we're not going to have a lady come up behind the pulpit and preach and teach uh to uh in a mixed group with male and females the bible teaches against that the bible calls it usurping the authority of of the man who's supposed to be the one the pastor who's supposed to be the one teaching and preaching but the bible does teach that it is appropriate for ladies to be able to minister to other ladies titus chapter two notice verse three notice what the bible says the age of women the age of women likewise that they be in behavior as become of holiness not false accusers not given too much wine teachers of good things notice this for that they may teach the young women to be sober to love their husbands to love their children to be discreet chase keepers at home good obedient to their own husbands that the word of god be not blaspheme notice the bible says here that it is appropriate for the age of women to be able to minister unto the young women usually when we look at this passage we we look at it and and the primary application is that we're talking about older women being able to minister to younger women but let me just say this this could uh you know you can also apply this to the fact that it could just be talking about someone who's more spiritual or further along uh because obviously you know just because you're old doesn't mean you're godly the the by you know there's many older people that have ruined their lives so in the same way that the bible says that the pastor is the elder these these three terms are used interchangeably in the bible bishop pastor elder the pastor is called an elder in first timothy the pastor is called the elder but yet in first timothy paul says to timothy let no man despise thy youth paul says to timothy hey timothy you're a young man people might despise you because you're a young man so obviously being an elder does not necessarily mean you have to be old you say well why do you call a pastor an elder because they're supposed to be spiritually mature they're supposed to have been not a novice they're supposed to have been someone who knows the bible reads the bible has some experience well in the same way you you know you could look at your pastor's wife and say well she doesn't look very agent praise god but you know she's got some experience you know she's been doing this for a while and you say well what about this you know we've got an old lady an older lady here yeah but you know if she just got saved last week so you could also apply this to spiritual maturity the age of women could be talking about spiritually mature spiritually has raised children has served the lord has been serving in ministry and they can teach the young women yes physically young but you know what they can also spiritually young they can come alongside some younger women and be able to help them in ministry you know i found in ministry that god has allowed me to be able to have a ministry that helps other pastors and oftentimes i get phone calls from other pastors i'm always happy to help in any way i can you know what's interesting is that oftentimes i have pastors calling me that are physically older than i am i'm 35 years old i'll be 35 years old here in a couple of weeks you know i'm not an old man but i've been in the ministry for 10 years and because of that i've i've i have some experience that they just have nothing they might physically be older than i am but they've been in the ministry for one year two years five years and because of that you know even though i'm younger than they are they call for advice they say what do you think about this have you dealt with something like this so realize that in the bible it's it's not necessarily always just about age it's about how mature you are it's about how much experience you have it's about how long you've been serving the lord and doing these things and look in the bible the bible teaches that some of these ladies that have some experience that have done some things that have raised some kids that have homeschooled some kids they are able to come alongside some that are younger maybe physically or younger and the faith and help them and here's the point that i'm trying to make obviously the pastor's wife is going to be best suited to play a role in leading the ladies ministries in the church i mean i don't know of any church i've ever been to except you know if the pastor's wife is just completely back to them usually is the pastor's wife who's kind of heading all of the ladies ministries the ladies event i've never seen this where a pastor is just the one that's you know putting on the baby showers right putting on the ladies tea putting on you know the ladies christmas party obviously the pastor's wife you know does not hold a position make sure you understand her place she does not hold a position she does not hold an office she should not be on staff there are some churches where the pastor's wife on staff she's getting paid to you know get to pay check that is not biblical but she's not a regular church member either just ah she's like anybody else no she's the pastor's wife which means she's the pastor's help me which means that as a good help me she's going to be very involved heavily involved in the ministry and then obviously as being a spiritual lady she's going to be involved in being able to minister to those that are younger either physically or just younger in the faith you are in the faith babes in christ and you know let me just say this you ought to respect and i'm thankful for the spirituality of the ladies that we have at verity baptist church i'm glad go to philippines if you would philippines chapter four if you're there in first simothy keep your place there in first simothy but if you go backwards you have titus uh uh uh second and first simothy second and first desolation philippines philippines chapter number four you know let let me just say this ladies you ought to be spiritual you should be a soul winner you should be involved in the ministry i'm not just talking to the pastor's wife now i'm just saying all ladies should be spiritual philippines chapter four in verse three the bible says this paul said this and i entreat the also true yoke fellow notice what paul said paul said help those women which labored with me in the gospel notice the apostle paul here says hey let me tell you something about my ministry because we talk a lot about paul paul the church planner paul the evangelist paul the apostle paul the great man of god that took the gospel to the gentiles and really you know i got the the local new testament uh church movement off the ground paul did you know paul said paul said i got a lot of help from the women help those women which labored with me in the gospel with clement also and with other my fellow labors whose names are in the book of life and let me just say this again i've always been thankful that at verity baptist church our pastor's wife and the pastor's wives that we've trained and the staff wives that we have at our church and the deacons wife you know they have all been faithful weekly soul winners they've all been involved in the service and and in serving in the church they've all been faithful to him thankful for that because believe it or not there's a lot of pastor's wives who don't go soul winning there's a lot of deacons wives and evangelist wives who don't go soul winning who don't serve in the church and you know what ladies ought to serve they ought to be spiritual and that's why i believe at verity baptist there's lots of churches where the women don't go soul winning i mean i've been to so many churches where it's just you know soul winning is like a guy thing and the ladies are not involved i'm thankful that at our church we've always had men and women and families out soul winning but i believe that part of that is because we've had a pastor's wife we've had uh satellite leaders wives we've had uh staff wives we've had evangelist wives who are involved who are spiritual who are you know involved in the things of the lord so look realize that your pastor's wife is suited to play a role in leading not in a position not uh holding an office but to be able to minister to other ladies and you know you ought to respect her knowledge and her experience every once in a while i'll have a lady and you know some lady will come to one of our services and they'll they'll want to talk they'll want to counsel or need some advice and you know i i tell ladies you know i don't meet with ladies alone and you know i'll meet with you and your husband or if that can't happen then i'll meet with you and my wife but i'm not just going to meet in an office with some other lady uh but sometimes you know i generally if lady wants to talk talk to somebody i'll just kind of you know say hey you know my wife you know she can talk to you we'll set up a time for you to be able to talk to her and this doesn't happen a lot but every once in a while you'll get someone to kind of roll their eyes like i don't want to talk to the pastor's wife i want to talk to the pastor and you know and i don't ever say this but you know what i want to say i want to say my wife has read the bible cover to cover more times than the average pastor i know you know she's she's been she's been you know you say oh well you've been in ministry for 10 years well you know who's been in ministry for 10 years with me my wife you fought all these battles well you know who's fought those battles with me my wife you know you you've dealt with a lot of issues and you've dealt with a lot of people but you know who's helped me with that my wife so don't you know discount the pastor's wife and say oh well she's just like anybody else no it's it's not you know if you quit we keep going if she quits we got to find a new pastor and she's been there and she's been spiritual and she's been a soul winner and she's gained the experience and she's raised some children and she's done some things so don't discount that don't discount her knowledge and her experience realize yes recognize the pastor's wife's place she doesn't hold an office she's not on staff she doesn't get a salary she but she's not like just any regular church member either and realize the pastor's wife's purpose her purpose as an help meet her purpose as an help meet means that she's obviously going to be heavily involved in the ministry and means that she's going to be able because of her experience because she's met some qualifications that have allowed her husband to be in ministry because they've worked together she's going to be able to serve and help and especially with the ladies to help with the ladies and to minister to the ladies so don't discount that as well go to 1st Thessalonians if you would 1st Thessalonians chapter five if you're there in uh philippians you're going to go Colossians into the book of 1st Thessalonians 1st Thessalonians chapter five now i'd like to read a few quotes to you if you if you would not mind and my wife my wife actually has a class that she does from time to time at our church in sacramental it's called the ministry wife's class and this is a class that she teaches to some to ladies not and there's no men there she teaches ladies and these are ladies that are either on staff at our church or ladies whose husbands are going to go into the ministry miss Heidi was in her ministry's wife's class for a year or two before brother Jared came out here to start this church and this something that my wife has done to kind of help prepare some of those ladies and in preparation for this sermon i wrote the outline but then i i i pulled out her her folder on our computer of all her outlines unless she's written and i i just started kind of going through them and looking at them and and seeing some of those things i pulled some of the some quotes from her classes that i just wanted to read to you this is a quote from my wife miss joanny menace's ministry's wife's class here's here's what she said in one of her classes to to the ladies she said you should never be too busy to be a soul winner remember people will look up to you and look as a as a pastor's wife and you have a satellite leader here's wife who's one is going very soon be a pastor's wife you got to be thankful for a ministry wife that goes soul winning that's faithful because look i'm telling you there are some it's funny they have time to do everything else they've got time to be on everything else but they just can't find the time to go soul winning but you know what as a pastor's wife you need to make the time to go soul winning and you have to be thankful you have a pastor's wife and you have a satellite leader's wife and we and we're thankful we have staff wives and ministry wives that are are consistent soul winners so i said number one recognize the pastor's wife's place number two realize the pastor's wife's purpose number three respect the pastor's wife as a person you know that you ought to respect the pastor's wife as a person you say as a pastor's wife no just as a person you ought to have respect for the person that plays that role the role of the pastor's wife is probably the most unappreciated role in ministry you you deal with all the same negative things that the pastor does you deal with all the same harsh criticisms all the attacks on your family all those things but yet you never go and be the you know keynote speaker at a conference everything you do is in the background everything you do is is is you know not in the spotlight everything they do has oftentimes much to do with the things that nobody else wants to do so you say well how is a church family how is a church family should we treat our pastor's wife well recognize her place well recognize her purpose but you know what respect her as a person you say what does that mean here's what it means appreciate what she does realize that everything that the pastor's wife does and i realize that here it's all different this is a satellite but you know eventually you'll have a pastor you eventually lord willing your pastor will be a full-time employee which he should be the bible teaches that he'll get paid for the work bible says that the labor is worthy of his reward the bible says that you got to pay your pastor but you know what you're never going to pay your pastor's wife so all those ladies tea and all those ladies christmas party and all those baby showers and all those homeschool activities and all those field trips and all the all the events and all the things that she does all of that all of that is done as a volunteer period because she wants to say well how should we treat our pastor's wife you got to appreciate what she does first desolion is five look verse 12 and we bc to brethren to know them which labor among you you say oh this isn't about this is about the pastor well we're in first desolion this is not a pastoral epistle it's not first second timothy or titus this is written to the church at large just in general know them which labor among you and are over you and you say oh well that's referring to the pastor and i would definitely agree that that's uh uh uh it can be applied to the pastor but you know what in ministry even even just volunteers we have leaders we have team leaders we have people that lead certain ministries and the pastor's wife is definitely leading a lot of ministries that involve the ladies so you can apply this to her know them which labor among you and are over you in the lord and admonish you and esteem them notice verse 13 and esteem them very highly in love for their works sake and be a piece among yourselves and look i'm not trying to beat up on on on this congregation or our congregation i realize we're in ministry and everything we do we do for the lord but do you realize you something you know you show up to an event you show up to a conference you show up to a party you show up to this or you show up to that and it's like people people get this idea they show up they enjoy themselves they leave and it never even crosses their mind somebody set this up somebody organized this thing somebody paid the bill somebody cleaned the building somebody put up the decoration somebody cooked the food somebody put the tables up somebody got all this ready and look i'm just telling church family appreciate what your pastor does appreciate what your pastor's wife does appreciate what your staff does realize that there are people working very hard they're not doing it for the appreciation but you ought to appreciate it esteem them very highly in love for their works sake you ought to respect the pastor's wife as a person you say how do i do that well you ought to appreciate what she does you ought to realize everything she does everything she does is as a volunteer and by the way everything the pozarski's do is as a volunteer here right now they don't get paid we don't pay them the lord will pay them the lord will bless them say why do they do what they do because they love the lord and because they love you you ought to appreciate that you ought to think about that from time to time you have some big party you have some big event you have some great conference you have some great thing realize planning and energy and effort and work went into that and realized somebody did that and you and everything that you enjoyed that you did not see get done it was probably your pastor's wife who did it appreciate what she does let me say this go to matthew 23 if you would first book in the new testament matthew 23 you ought to respect the pastor's wife as a person how do you do that appreciate what she does how do you do that listen to me very carefully go to matthew 23 don't put impossible expectations upon her you know what i've noticed in ministry what i've noticed in ministry is that people expect more from the pastor's wife than they do from themselves it's a very pharisaical hypocritical expectation matthew 23 we have jesus speaking about the Pharisees i want you to notice what he said to the Pharisees he says this for they for they the hypocritical Pharisees bind heavy burden and grievous to be born and lay them on men's shoulders notice but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers you know people will often expect more from the pastor's wife ladies will expect more from the pastor's wife and from the pastor men will expect more than they do themselves they got no problem just laying heavy burdens grievous to be born on someone else but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers you know don't be that church member who puts these impossible expectations on your pastor or your pastor's wife i've had people over the years i've had people walk up to me and they're offended you know because i don't know their kids' birthday you know at very good episodes we have a homeschool group that my wife runs we've got on our homeschool group roster we've got 80 kids over 80 kids i mean there's there's 80 80s some out of kids in our church and i'm you know we're supposed to remember everybody's birthday i can barely keep track of my own kids' birthdays i got six kids i can barely remember their birthdays i'm supposed to remember everybody else's birthday it's like well you're the pastor or you're the pastor's wife you don't remember my kids' birthdays like do you remember my kids' birthday do you remember the 80 kids' birthday in this church but you know here's what people do with pastors and pastor's wife is they have this expectation they're supposed to be superman and superwoman they're supposed to get it all done remember everything never mess up you know they they bind heavy burdens and grievous to be born but they themselves will not move them you know don't put these impossible expectations on the pastor's wife people expect more from her than they do from themselves here's what i've noticed people expect more from her than they do from themselves and then resent her when she meets and exceeds those expectations when she actually gets done everything they expect from her so it's like you can't win because they put these heavy burdens well you're the pastor's wife which means that your kids are never supposed to you know do anything bad your kids better always look good you better be always you better always be early you better always be late you better always be willing to talk to me no matter how many times i've brought up the same thing to you and no matter how tired you might look you know uh you're supposed to do this they have all these heavy things then she actually meets those expectations and they they don't no they resent her for it well who does she think she acts look don't put impossible expectations realize people in ministry are people just like you and i we're all people we all get tired we all uh uh mess up we all uh make mistakes you know over the years my wife and i we've had i've had so many situations like this i don't know you know so many examples over the years we've had several situations we've had several situations over the years were were were my kids you know we're doing something that they should not have been doing and you know and i'm not excusing them you know i'm talking about our kids are young obviously i'm talking about they're running around or they're doing something they shouldn't be doing alongside with like all these other church kids and i'm not excusing them either any of them you know what's funny you know what we've learned or ministry is that it's like you can have all these kids you know all you know doing something you know getting into the cops or pouring you know we're talking about toddlers and babies you know getting the sugar out whatever and then the only ones that get called out for it are our kids or you know when the story is told it's like oh well the pastor's kids it's like your kids were there too you left that part out of the story you know or it's like or somebody will come talk to me and my wife we're like oh okay have you told her no we're only just telling you well why well because you're the pastor what does that mean that we're just supposed you know our kids are just supposed to never do anything wrong look be careful about just subconsciously having this idea that the pastor's wife's just supposed to be you know and the pastor they're just supposed to be without fall always just perfect and don't put impossible expectations on her so how do i respect her just treat you know realize that she's a woman that your pastor is going to be a man just like you are so appreciate what she does don't put impossible expectations on her you know understand the load she carries i try to bring this up you know a lot whenever i preach on this subject i try to bring it up because i think it's an interesting thing you know i try to tell our church people like hey realize that my wife at church she's like a single mom he said what do you mean by that it means that she's doesn't have her husband sitting next to her to help her because i'm up here preaching all the time that's one of the reasons why whenever we do have a guest speaker you know not to offend the guest speakers but whenever we do have a guest speaker i usually try to take the baby from her and you know go sit with the baby in the daddy baby room or whatever so she can actually sit through a service because 99 percent of the time at church she's a single mom you know here's my wife with six kids in a row trying to keep them quiet with a little baby then you got all these church people the toilet people ran out in the back in the bathroom can you change it is like some single guy and it's like hello i got a baby and six kids here my husband's preaching like can you ask an usher you know can you find can you can you do it look realize realize that they have boundaries they're people like everyone else and especially during church time a lot of times they don't have any help so said you know realize that there are boundaries you ought to try to protect her you ought to try to protect the pastor's wife from attacks on her and her family there are subtle subtle ways that people try to attack the pastor something i've noticed over the years is people will do this though they'll play this game you know divide and conquer well they'll act like they love me we just love the pastor the pastor's so amazing his preaching is so great you know but then the pastor's wife they're like rolling their eyes you know that an attack on the pastor's wife is an attack on the pastor or or vice versa the pastor's wife is great and you know but we don't like the pastor now when that happens i'm like i don't care as long as you like my wife i'm fine that's all you know i don't i got enough friends but you know people will try this divide and conquer thing and uh and oftentimes you know they try to pin the pastor in the pastor's wife look just realize just just please understand this when somebody as a church i'm trying to i'm saying this is a church family when somebody usually it's a lady starts just you know criticizing the pastor's wife attacking the past acting like oh we love the church we love the pastor but the pastor's wife the pastor's wife no you know what they hate the church and they hate the pastor and they're attacking the pastor's wife because that's an attack on the pastor that's an attack on the church look you know that if you can get a pastor's wife to get discouraged and and the ladies we have here they're strong in the Lord they've got their skin nothing's gonna stop them you know in the Lord but you know that if you can get the pastor's wife discouraged and get her to not want to be part of church and get her to uh you know quit church you can destroy church so when you attack the pastor's wife you attack the pastor let me say this when you attack the pastor's kids you're attacking the pastor you're attacking the pastor's wife especially a pastor's wife you know moms are like that mama bear they can take a lot but you start messing with their kids you start trying to you know do things to their kids and they could really hurt the ministry so look as a church just realize real life if you've got some you know grumpy unhappy lady or guy and it seems like they love the church but they're just always just taking jobs at the pastor's kids those people hate the church hate the pastor and are trying to discourage the pastor they're taking jobs at the pastor's oh the church is great but the pastor's wife you know she doesn't she she should do a better job they hate the church they hate the pastor they're trying to destroy the church an attack on the pastor's family is an attack on the church and you know let me just say this you know in regards to how to treat the kids the pastor's kids you know really two thoughts don't burden them with ministry expectations i've had people do this at our at our church and you know i've tried to teach and preach and correct it people you know they walk up to your kids they're talking to an eight-year-old well you're going to be the future pastor of Verity Baptist Church aren't you you're going to go into the ministry and be a what are you going to start a church someday they're talking like a nine-year-old it's like don't put that don't put that on my kids they don't need that pressure and by the way our goal with our kids ought to be that they love the lord and they serve the lord and and that's all we care about and i can tell you this for my wife and i you know you say what do you care about your kids i couldn't care less of my children never go into ministry as long as they love the lord and as long as they walk with god if they if they decide to go into ministry one day and be a pastor or missionary something like that that'll make me proud if they decide to go start some business and work in the secular world and as long as they're faithful to church and their soul winners and they they decide to come alongside and help a pastor in the ministry you know what i'd be just as proud it's not like i'd be like oh well you know my my my kids are you know they're soul winners and they're faith they're three to thrive but you know they never went into ministry so they doesn't want that that thought would never cross my mind you know the christian life let me just say this in the christian life you're either a pastor or you're helping a pastor that's it you know you're either starting a church or you're involved in a church but look we should all be in the work of the ministry we should all be so don't put these expectations on these kids we want them to serve the lord we want them to walk with god we want them to be soul winners we but whatever they do for a job who who cares as long as they're walking with god and then you know what with the pastors kids let me just say this realize that they're gonna mess up like everyone else's kids they're gonna do stupid things say stupid things do things that they shouldn't do they're they're gonna do things and look you should never you need to correct yourself if you're if if there's a situation and you're just like freaking out but the only reason you're freaking out is because they're the pastors kids and if it was anybody else's kids it wouldn't be that big of a deal if it was your kids it wouldn't be that big of a deal that is the wrong mentality now obviously the pastors kids especially as they grow up they can't be riotous they can't just be drunkers we understand that we're talking about just normal things that all the kids do all the teenagers do look you ought not put this heavy load and this expectations on them you ought to realize they're kids like everybody else they're a family like everybody else so protect against that let me say this have boundaries you say how do how can i be a blessing to my pastor's wife have boundaries you know she does not have to be available for you 24 hours a day i mean have some boundaries here here's a quote from one of the classes that my wife taught it says this just because you're home this is what she taught the ladies just because you're home doesn't mean you're available learn to say no to church members during the school days and this was specifically about homeschooling don't over commit there is no such thing as a woman who can do it all if you attempt to you will burn out she wrote this just because you're the pastor's wife doesn't mean you have to do everything learn to delegate you know have boundaries in regards to the pastor's family and this is for the pastor's wife and the pastor have some boundaries and realize that they've got a family look they've got a marriage and they need time for their family for their kids to raise their kids you know and look i'm not you sometimes you got to be careful because you say things then people get offended you know because they maybe they've done these things and i don't know anybody here that's done this and i can't even really think of anybody's done this in a long time at our church but look we've had situations in the past where people just randomly show up to our house just unannounced you know just show up and just you know want to like hang out for like two hours and it's like we're busy and look no no offense we love you but we got six kids like when you guys six kids my wife you know keeps the house pretty tidy or whatever but when you guys six kids you're not just guests ready 24 hours a day seven days a week and she shouldn't have that expectation either you know so just realize there are some boundaries you know fellowship with your pastor and your pastor's wife but realize you know at three in the morning they've got to go home on a Sunday night you know you've been counseling and asking them these questions you realize that they need time you know they need to rest they need time with their family so respect their boundaries protect them help them go to first timothy chapter five if you would first timmy chapter five and again i just want to give you some kind of just some some some ideas a little bit of insight one day i'm going to preach a series called types of church members there's all sorts of different types of church members that we've kind of noticed and learned about over the last decade of ministry but i want to talk to you about two types of church members that can really hurt the pastor and the pastor's wife there are two different types of church members that will try to hurt the pastor's family the first type is the person who's just against all leadership you know the pastor and the pastor's wife they can't do anything right everything they do is wrong every you know every decision they make is a wrong decision this is not personal against the pastor the pastor's wife though these people are just against leadership in general like once you hire staff you know the everything the staff does is wrong the staff is lazy the staff wives can't do anything right you know it doesn't matter who you put somebody in some position they don't know what they're doing they're not right so there's these certain people who are just against all leadership anyone in leader and a lot of this is motivated by envy so look don't be that person who's just you know as soon as as soon as somebody gets hired soon somebody becomes a soul winning captain as soon as somebody becomes a song leader you know you just start criticizing them and look just realize you're you're an envious person and you know you need to fix that in your heart but don't be that person and those of you around that person realize okay this person just has a problem with leadership in general anybody who gets promoted into leadership anybody who gets hired they they can't do it right they're all doing it wrong but then there's a different type of person that will attack the pastor's wife and attack the pastor's family this is the person who just believes that the pastor and the pastor's wife need to be brought down a notch you know and this person they're not necessarily against leadership they just and what we've learned is that the these people are generally maybe they've been hurt in the past by a pastor and a pastor's wife or a pastor's wife or you know they just feel like the pastor and the pastor they just get too many compliments they they get too many nice things done for them and they just think it's their job to just kind of bring them down a notch and what we've learned with these people it's really interesting because when you hire staff they'll love the staff i mean they'll just lavish gifts upon the staff if it's the staff's you know birthday or anniversary they're just going all out all these great gifts all these things you know but they but you have a pastor appreciation day and they'll just not come to that service or you know they're doing something special with the pastor's wife and they just won't get involved in that and it's just these people who just want to bring the pastor and bring the pastor's wife down a notch you know here's the thing don't be that person and and just you know for those of you in ministry and if you're listening online just realize you know it's a normal thing i've talked to pastors and they all they're like yeah i got that too i got i got one like that you know it's funny years ago my wife and i had just celebrated an anniversary and we just had a wedding anniversary literally like like two days had passed and we had this individual walk up to us and this person had not you know said anything about our anniversary had not mentioned it didn't say happy anniversary didn't write a scar which is fine they don't need to we don't expect that there's absolutely nothing wrong with that it's just interesting though because we just had an anniversary and this person just completely ignored it but they walked up to me and my wife and they were like hey you know brother so-and-so and his wife and they just talked about this random couple in the church not even on staff or anything like they're having an anniversary a few weeks i was thinking that the church should just raise up money to send them to hawaii and this is like my wife and i had never been to hawaii at this point and it's just kind of like okay so we just had an anniversary and you didn't mention it at all which is fine you don't have to but now you're wanting me to like raise up this money to send this random family to hawaii and you know you just kind of walk away from that thing and like are you trying to hurt my feelings like are you trying to offend us like are you trying to just like make a point like this random family that's just a regular couple you know let's do this but you let's not don't be that person those are the type of people you deal with in ministry and sometimes you're just like are you what what is the point of this what what is the point of of bringing that up or trying to do that you know what is the point of these things let me read to you another quote here from the class as there's something that we've taught the the ladies in ministry as a pastor's wife you will encounter many situations with people being critical towards you your husband the church or your children women tend to be more verbal than men with complaints so unfortunately this oftentimes will fall on the pastor's wife so look realize that there are people who are like this there are people who do this there are people who feel this way and don't be that person and be careful to protect your pastor's family from these types of people first timothy chapter five if you would look at verse 14 let me give you point number four point number one was recognize the pastor's wife's place point number two was realize the pastor's wife's purpose point number three was respect the pastor's wife the pastor's wife as a person point number four remember the pastor's wife's priorities and by the way let me just say this her priorities are the same as any other ladies priorities first timothy chapter five verse 14 the bible says this i will therefore that the younger women marry their children guide the house give no occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully if you're married this is god's will for your life in fact here's timothy says i will he says this is god's will that the younger women marry their children guide the house tidus chapter two and verse five if you would you're there in first timothy just flip over to second timothy and tidus tidus chapter two and verse five says this to be discreet chaste keepers at home good obedient to their own husbands that the word of god be not blaspheme hey remember the pastor's wife's priorities say well what are her priorities her priorities are the same as any other ladies priorities you say what are they number one first god and look by the way those are everybody's that's it should be everybody's priorities right god that in all things he might have the preeminence seek ye first the kingdom of god and his righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you hey her first priority is her walk with god and by the way ladies and men that ought to be everybody's first priority so what about the pastor's wife what's her second priority her husband in fact what makes her special in this church is that she is her husband's wife she is the pastor's wife which means she's the pastor's help me so you know what her priority is her husband her marriage and her being and help me for her husband what's her third priority her children god has given her a grave responsibility just like he's given every mother a responsibility to raise children for the lord and her priority are her children the children that god has given her and her husband to raise what's her fourth priority here's her fourth priority the church you said well aren't the church and god the same thing no now look church is a priority church is a priority but church and serving in church is different than having a walk with god you know that you can serve in a church and be completely backslidden and not right with god so you say well what what are the priorities god her husband her children then serving in the church the ladies tea the ladies christmas party the baby showers the cleaning ministry the bringing food to moms that just had a baby and bringing food to ladies that just had a surgery you know and all the millions of other things that our pastor's wife does all of those things are not even the first second or third priority in her life now we're thankful we're thankful that we have a pastor's wife you have a satellite leader's wife that's not lazy that they get up early they stay up late they love the lord they work hard but realize everything they do is because they want to because they love the lord and it's and it's their fourth priority so realize they've got a priority to be keepers at home they've got a priority to marry bare children and guide the house her their first priority is to god their second priority is to their marriage their third priority is to their children their fourth priority is to the church so here's the point don't put these expectations on them to try to get those mixed up well you have to help me because i'm in the church well okay not at the expense of her children i mean when we started ministry this was years ago we started ministry we literally would have and of course we started the church you know different than how you know when this church gets started you started with a nice building and with a group of mature christians when we started we started our living room and we had you know a few people that were mature but for the most part it was all brand new christians i mean we would have this thing where we'd have these ladies who would go to the store buy groceries have like three cards full of groceries then call miss joanne can you come give us a ride we're at the grocery store you know we're in the parking lot we got five you know just in the middle of the day and of course you know when we were young in ministry it was like yeah of course you know but after a while it's like no sorry figure it out you say oh that's me no you know what she needs to raise her kids she needs to homeschool her children you should have planned it out better your plan shouldn't be oh just call the pastor's wife she'll bail us out at that point you're putting yourself above her children you're putting yourself above her marriage you know realize that she has priorities she has a purpose respect those and everything she she does appreciate it and defend her when people try to criticize her and they try to you know uh bring her down because that's really an attack on the church just by by by a way of conclusion go go to first Thessalonians chapter one if you would uh first Thessalonians chapter one while you turn there i'll paraphrase some of these things that my wife wrote in her class this is these are not direct quotes these are just paraphrases but often there are trouble making ladies that put themselves in competition with the pastor's wife be careful be careful with those these women that put themselves in competition with the pastor's wife men will do this too i call it the absulum effect where they try to like outdo the pastor the pastor's wife you know they'll sit there at the gate and and spend all this time and energy with people and then it's like this subtle criticism like oh the king doesn't have time for you just like absulum did but here's what's always funny to me about that is that you know what absulum yeah it's easy for you to sit at the gate for 40 years eight hours a day 12 hours a day when you're not actually running a kingdom david's actually running him oh uh you know the pastor's wife you know she doesn't have time to spend time with you like i do yeah because she's throwing up putting together all these events that you're criticizing her at well the pastor that yeah because he's preaching three times a week because he's studying and and and meeting with people and helping people you know just keep your eyes open for them and realize that when people are criticizing the leadership there is an agenda behind that but uh oh here's another quote i want to read um this isn't a quote it's a paraphrase uh but it's here's what i took away from some of the points that i saw there are many pastors wives detached from the church and the ministry and i look i will say this i wish i could say i've only seen this once or twice i've seen this so many times in my life it's crazy i mean i've i've been to churches where the pastor's wife just did not come to church for like six months and it was because people were attacking her and people were just criticizing her criticizing her kids and just finding every excuse to just be mean to her and and and you know and obviously it wasn't right and it wasn't right for her to not come to church i mean i've i've known of churches where the pastor's wife took her own life commit literally committed suicide and look i'm just telling you you you may think like i don't know you really need a whole sermon on this look the attack is real the devil will try to attack a church and oftentimes it's done through the pastor's family so you gotta protect her you gotta encourage her yeah you gotta preach you know when it comes to your pastor and your pastor's wife and i'm thankful at Verity Baptist Church like remember we have a church family that loves us and they take care of us and all that but you know i'm telling you remember their remember their special days remember their birthdays remember their anniversaries you know be thankful for everything they do honor them in quad for for for for for the work's sake you know love them for the work they're doing so just by way of conclusion go to first that's only chapter one if you would and let me just end by saying this to any future pastor's wife or future deacon's wife or future staff wife that's listening right now maybe in the room there's a young lady that'll one day be a pastor's wife or maybe online we've got some pastor's wives or future pastor's wife that may be listening to the sermon let me just end by giving you some characteristics of a great pastor's wife and obviously this is aside from what the bible specifically says in 1st Timothy 3 but just some things that i found that are some great characteristics for a for a pastor's wife and maybe if you're a future pastor's wife you know you can kind of see do you have these and if you don't have these you should work on them but here's some characteristics they have to be silent and when i say silent i mean they should have a meek and quiet spirit this what the bible says they shouldn't be a loud mouth just obnoxious person but they also should not be a gossip and you know the pastor's wife often just knows a lot of information and has a lot of information about you know things she deals with in church and counseling other ladies and and whatever and so you know a pastor's wife needs to be somebody who needs to just know how to keep her mouth closed and oftentimes in our church you know sometimes people will start trying to ask my wife questions and pry information out of her and she's like no i'm just not i'm not going to talk about that and that's something that a pastor's wife needs to have and if you're a gossip you know and you're going to go into ministry your husband's also going to ministry you you need to be careful with that and obviously you know all of these things are things we've already seen in miss hyde which is why we've sent you know brother jared here to start this church but you know have a meek and quiet spirit not be a gossip not be this woman that's talking bad about her husband or her kids here's another characteristic be a hard worker you can't be lazy look ministry is hard work the work of the ministry is what the bible says so and the wives work hard so you're going to be a pastor's wife you can't be lazy here's one you need to be independent sometimes that you know because we train people for the ministry in our church sometimes i see these ladies and i think to myself like these people are not going to make it in ministry and here's why the wife is just a big baby like she's very needy she needs all you know all this attention that is not going to work in ministry the wife needs to be independent i'm not talking about like you know feminist independent i'm talking about the fact that she can she can get things done and doesn't need to be pampered and babied because again in the church you're running a lot of stuff as the pastor's wife you're also like a single mom at the church so the the pastor's wife needs to be very independent she can't be babied you know i'm talking about some things that these there's wives that just completely babied by their husbands and you know that's you whatever more power to you but you can't probably aren't going to make it in the ministry here's another one thick skin in the ministry you're going to get hurt people are going to attack you they're going to criticize you unjustly they're going to hold you up to expectations that they themselves won't meet so you got to have some thick skin be able to take some some of those criticisms and then you have to have good people's skills in ministry and as a pastor's wife you cannot be rude you cannot be oblivious to people's feelings you have to be able to have empathy and realize you know how to deal with people and love people and be gentle and just you know to end let me say this to my wife to miss joanne jimenez who serves as the pastor's wife at very baptist church to miss heidi pozarski who will be the uh lord willing the future pastor's wife here it has been the satellite leader's wife and and and to you know the staff wives at very baptist church to any pastor's wife who's maybe listening online you know let me just say this thank you thank you for everything you do thank you for the work you do i realize that you're often just not appreciated and often criticized unjustly but again the bible says first that's the only chapter one verse three remembering without ceasing your work of faith and labor of love and patience of hope in our lord jesus christ in the sight of god and our father so you say well how do how do i deal with my pastor's wife how do we deal with the pastor's wife recognize her place realize her purpose respect her as a person remember her priorities appreciate her don't put these impossible expectations on her and protect her protect her kids protect her family because there will be people who will try to come in and just criticize and discourage and try to just bring them down and think they're getting you know too much attention and just protect them against that attitude in general let's buy our heads and have a little